Haunted House

"And long after I've gone

You'll still be humming along

And I will keep you in my mind

The way you make love so fine

We may only have tonight

But till the morning sun you're mine all mine"

- Plain White T's - Rhythm Of Love

My trip to Washington, DC is this weekend, but since I'm sure to write an entry about the trip, I'll forgo talking at length about how much I'm looking forward to it. I will say that I'm worried that it is going to be exhausting and colder than I remember. It is going to be awesome for sure, even if just because of all the friends I'm going to see. I'm sure it will go by super fast. I'm ready for all the old memories to rush back and for the new ones to develop.

Wednesday night, I went to a relatively famous haunted house in Austin called “House of Torment.” It was much more than a maze of monsters. Imagine a multi-layered, psychological thrill almost comparable to a trip through a horror movie. It has detailed two-story sets, animatronic monsters (some actually scary, others just cool looking), and even the smell feels authentic. I enjoyed it, but I must say I learned some valuable lessons. Smiling makes it less scary, you have to go in the front of a group not at the back or the people will steal all the scary and that really does take away from the experience. There is something about it being just you and darkness moving into a new room not knowing what to expect rather than coming in after the surprise. If you can check it out, you should. I'll be sure to go next year. I hope everyone has a Happy Halloween!

I hope everyone votes this November. I think voting is important, even if you don't agree with me politically. I do regret that I'm not that informed in local elections, so I just vote my party (I'm a liberal of course). It is times like this I wish I worked in politics, but it seems so emotionally stressful.

The other night I watched a documentary on the trapped Chile Miners on PBS. I followed the news somewhat, but man this really put it all together. It was quite emotional and moving. I can't believe how far down they were and how long they stayed down there. It is neat to see what happens when people come together for a good purpose and how much they can get done. I'm glad they all made it out ok.

The song lyric made me think of this. I don't think about this often, but when the show is on, she still reminds me so much of Charlotte it's uncanny. I know your memory can be whatever you want it to be and it is not that I can relate to the Cooper character, but I can't see the storyline without making parallels to my memories. That is what any good story does, like a cold reader, it speaks in generalizations and common situations that people think are unique to them. The differences are glaring and apparent, but when you only look for one thing, that is what you find and you ignore everything else. So, it reminds me of her in a way I don't fully understand. Maybe it is that cold, non-communicative side. Ice and passion as both sides of the same coin. It must be effective.

asking for money did the trick

Not Camping

"You paint me a blue sky and go back
And turn it to rain
And I lived in your chess game
But you changed the rules every day
Wonderin which version of you
I might get on the phone, tonight"
- Dear John, T. Swift

Friday, my house mates left to go camping. Abram and his girlfriend seemed very excited about getting away to nature. Camping has never really been my thing, and I stayed back to take care of the pets. Maybe someone just hasn't made the pitch to me in the right way. It might have to do with my allergies that make me think that longer than 12 hours outdoors might not be the most fun for me. Maybe in an RV. I do enjoy making fires though.

My sister Ana, her kids and Rick came into Austin for the weekend the UT game. It sucks that UT had another disappointing loss. It was a very early game.

Friday night, I went to play poker at my friend Mario's house. I had a great time. He is a very gracious host. We saw the end of the Texas game and it was just perfect that that final batter they struck out was A.Rod. Last time we played, Mario beat me, so this time I needed to make a good showing. We played until about 2 am and it ended up being me and another player heads up and I had a slightly larger chip stack. We chopped the winnings in a rough proportion and I went home a happy man. The best part of course is the good company.

Here is something I'm excited about. Today is 25 years since the events and release of Back to the Future. Such a great 80s movie and I loved that the main character was named Marty. My favorite has to be the first, but man the second was also very good. The 3rd, well it was nice to be able to watch some more I guess. Time travel would be so awesome is what I used to think a lot as a kid. I don't think as much about things like that 25 years later. Man, I was only 5 years old (going on 6) and still remember watching the movie. I have to note that there is no excuse for hover boards not existing yet. We should be way past hover bikes already. I mean, at least personal jet packs exist in theory, even though they are very unsafe and you can't really buy one.

There is music I like and Taylor Swift doesn't usually fit my musical tastes. I'm not in the Kayne school of "I'm real happy for you and Imma let you finish, but..." but at the same time, I also have trouble relating the emotions of teen-pop. That said, her new CD Speak Now came out today and I checked it out because of her "Dear John" song. I am a Mayer fan and wanted to hear what a song written about him sounded like. I was impressed. Here is my favorite part, not including the quote above:

"Well maybe it’s me

And my blind optimism to blame

Maybe its you and your sick need

To give love then take it away

And you’ll add my name

To your long list of traitors

Who don’t understand

And I’ll look back in regret."

I guess there is a reason she is a top selling artist. I have a feeling she is going to be around for some time if she can keep writing with a poison pen. That is about my extent of the understanding of the tabloid drama.

Prayin’ the floor won’t fall through, again

The Diploma Frame

“Love is a gift. You can't buy it, you can't find it, someone has to give it to you. Learn to be receptive of that gift.” -

Kurt Langner

Over 8 years ago I graduated from college and my family came up that spring to Ithaca, NY for my graduation. I got various presents from my family for graduating, for example a class ring from my mom, but the one present that I think about often was from my sister Veronica. She wanted to buy me a nice Cornell diploma frame for my graduation. I told her that I could really use the money instead because I was about to move and was very short on cash. She told me that as a gift, the money would be gone and soon forgotten, but that the diploma frame would be something I would always have that I could always see and think, "That gift was from my sister Veronica." She wanted to give me a gift, not a donation. I made a deal with her, she would give me the money (since at the time I thought I needed it) and that later once I got a job, I'd go back and buy the diploma frame for myself and it would still be my gift from her and I'll always look to it as, "the gift from my sister Veronica" for my graduation. She reluctantly agreed, and I intended to keep my promise.

When I moved to DC, I purchased a cheap frame from Walgreens for $8 as a stop gap solution, even got one for my then girlfriend, and figured in no time I'd have the extra cash to go back and buy the nicer one from the University. Less than a year later, my sister Veronica passed away. Frequently, I still think about how 29 was such a young age and how no matter how old I get, she will always be my older sister.

It is 8 years past from that moment at the Cornell Store, and in my office on the wall is the same cheap $8 frame I bought so many years ago in DC. I did not keep my word, but not because I don't want to have a gift that was so meaningful from my sister. Part of me felt like buying the new frame and receiving the gift was the last transaction we will ever have, the last gift she will ever give me. I had trouble coming to terms with that and wasn't ready to let go. It felt like my last chance to feel close to her. But the more I have thought about it, this is something she wanted to give me, and asked for a short forbearance of the gift, but it has been way too long. I kept thinking about the one moment I had by buying the gift, instead of all the moments I would have with actually having the gift.

So today, I got online and ordered the exact same diploma frame that she wanted to buy for me on my graduation day. It should arrive in a few weeks, but instead of making me like I was losing the last thing between us, it became clear that was gaining not only a treasured gift from my sister but also keeping a promise. She was right, the money was forgotten, and this gift, which will be always be on my office wall will forever be an item that I will cherish and as I look at it, I'll think, "that is the gift my sister Veronica bought for me." Thank you, Vero.

I keep thinking about my approaching trip to DC for Halloween weekend. This is going to be a really good time and I'm excited that so many friends are going. I wish I would make the effort to travel more, but KY, AZ and DC in the past 4 months isn't too shabby. I haven't done much planning for the Rally for Sanity, but I figure we will just show up. Plus, with so many people, I'm sure someone will have the details under control.

I enjoy baseball, but I'm not a true fan compared to a lot of people I know. I watch during the playoffs each year and when I lived in DC I would occasionally go to a game every now and then. My teams have always been the Texas Rangers and Houston Astros, but I haven't followed the Rangers closely since back in the day when Nolan Ryan pitched. The memory of one of his no-hitters is very clear in my mind. I remember those days and how much I loved baseball back then. Sadly, I've probably seen more Red Sox games than Rangers games in the last 10 years. But for now, I'm a Rangers bandwagon fan and I'm enjoying it. It also doesn't hurt that I love to hate the Yankees.

I had mentioned in a previous entry that I had gotten my mom one of those new ipod Nanos (6th gen). I would get one for myself, but I decided I wanted a 5th gen ipod Nano because it plays video and has physical buttons. I think there is a lot to be said for physical buttons. My dad told me that Toys R Us were having an ipod trade in promotion, so I took in my old ipod classic and was offered a whopping $5 for it. Considering that I can also take it into the Apple store and get 10% of an ipod, I thought I'd rather do that. But then again, I can buy an ipod from Amazon, at a small discount and with no taxes, so I'll get it even cheaper that way. I'm still left with an old ipod I don't use. I'll figure it out, since it is a lot of thinking to save a few bucks. But instead of trying to figure out how to save a few bucks, I went on Craigslist and bought a 5th gen used ipod nano at a great price, which is all I really need. I know I have an iPhone, but you can't use that when working out. Why even risk it? So far, so good.

Another random thing I purchased was 5 toed barefoot running shoes. I had seen an interview by the author of Born to Run a long time ago which peaked my interest. Then looking on Facebook I noticed that a friend of mine was wearing them in a photo so I asked her about them. She gave me a lot of helpful information. This motivated me to take the plunge and purchase a pair. I haven't tried them out yet really, so I can't talk much about them, but I have heard a lot of good things. This should be exciting.

Here is my last purchase story. On Wednesday, I purchased 3-day tickets for ACL 2011. Feels weird spending money now for an event that is going to happen September 16-18, 2011, but it is the 10 year anniversary and should be a big deal. Just think, a year from now it will feel like the tickets are free since I paid for them so long ago. For now, it sucks paying for something in the distant future. I think it will be worth it. I've had a great time every year. I'm looking forward to seeing the lineup.

holding on too tight is the same as letting go completely

Fish and Chips

"Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the unlived life of the parent." - Carl Jung

I spent the weekend visiting my family in the Valley. I hadn't been back for quite some time it felt like. The pretext for the trip was to drop off my dog Chloe with my dad so that he could take her to get spayed. He will be able to take care of her while she is healing much better than I would be able to.


I left after work, but I got in late on Friday night. Chloe did great on the drive down, she even got to ride in the front seat the whole 6 hours. It was an hour longer because I kept stopping to give her a chance to pee, but she just took the time to sniff around and get a good walk in, making me stop again half an hour later since I didn't know how well I could trust her. She did great though, but as you can see in the picture, I put up protection. Usually when I would go visit home, I'd make an effort to go out on Friday night to make the most of my time, but this time I was tired and just went to bed.

Saturday morning, I visited with my older sister Ana and my father. I also gave my mom a surprise. She had been wanting an ipod, so I got her an ipod nano. It is the new one that also has a radio and a clip, so she can use it when she walks. She really liked it and I showed her how to add music to it, but I don't know how well she will remember. In either case, I hope she gets good use out of it.

In the afternoon, I met up with my friend Andrea who provided the motivation for visiting. We went to the Edinburg Museum of South Texas History for a Dia de los Muertos event. Her sister Tanya, her niece and her friend Sara came along. I hadn't been to the Museum since I was little and from what I hear the majority of it is pretty new, ie, built in the last 10 years. My only childhood memory from there was of the old jail and of this noose that hanged in a room and from what I recalled, only one person has been killed there. I took the time to go and visit that room and it was just like my memory, except that the rope was much thinner. But back to the Day of the Dead event. It was well put together and very festive. I had a great time. Andrea's niece seemed to really enjoy herself. There was face painting, music, food, art and these Day of the Dead Alters. The face painting was done by legit artists and the work was impressive. They probably got less people done because they were so detailed, but the work was great. I never grew up celebrating the Day of the Dead and appreciate it as a Mexican tradition, but not my own. The alters, though important to people and about real people, just would not be a way I would want to remember someone. This I thought a lot about while I was there.

I hadn't seen Sara since high school, so it was great seeing her and Tanya, who I think is awesome, is due to have her baby pretty soon. I was impressed that she was still so active, but then again, I don't really know much about how active people normally are. At one point, we took on the arts and crafts tables where I did my first coloring since elementary to pass the time. It brought back crayon memories and we even learned how to make flowers, mine which I gave to a little girl who liked it and asked me about it. I got an approving nod from her father. I even got to ask questions of one of the artists who was there. He was a college senior. His mom was also there and so proud. He was a bit embarrassed of how proud she was, but more so there was pride over his work. I was impressed. Andrea is great about finding these types of events. I'm sure I'll go back sometime to actually check out the Museum part of the Museum.

Later in the evening we went out and I finally got to see the movie Secretariat. I saw a preview during the Kentucky Derby and really wanted to see it despite the fact it was PG/Disney, so probably geared towards kids. It was not, and it was a great movie, the type a family should rent and watch together. It was great to finally get the see the story about something I only knew bits and pieces of. I like horse racing a lot more than I thought I did. I do watch the Triple Crown each year, but other than that, I don't know much.

Sunday morning, I met up with my sister Eliza and her family for lunch. It was nice visiting with my nieces Tori and Celeste. Celeste I feel does not know me very well, mainly because I've been absent most of the time, but in Tori's case, when she was a baby I was in college, so I missed a huge part of her life and I still consider us pretty close now that she is older. No one wants to feel like a distant uncle, but sometimes things just play out how they play out. It was great to have some good Mexican food before I left. The trip back felt longer than the trip home, even though I made so much better time. I got to listen to the Cowboys on the radio and it isn't even worth mentioning.

Sunday night was the season finale of Mad Men. I did not plan on being such a fan of the show, but since truly discovering the show this summer and catching up, I've packed in 4 seasons over a matter of months. It was bittersweet in the sense that I was excited about the episode, but sad that I would have to wait a long time to see a new one. It is the type of show where I wish there was some sort of class the next day where we could discuss the themes and story. There was a scene where the blanket that Don's secretary was wrapped in was my favorite type of blanket, the type with a satin edge. I liked that detail. My favorite line has to be the one by Faye, "And I hope she knows you only like the beginnings of things." Great finale, but it doesn't mean I agree with it. I'm kind of dismayed by it actually. I saw that it was coming, not to that extent. I'll try not to drop any spoilers, so I'll leave it at that.

Here are some random thoughts. I wonder if people ever wake up and think, "Man, I did not age well." This isn't something I had put much thought into until recently. I saw this woman in her late 40s who had actually aged really well. Not well enough to where I couldn't tell she was in her 40s, but nevertheless well. I wonder how much it has to do with being healthy versus genetics. I've seen people in their late 20s that look like they are in their late 30s. Attractiveness is somewhat subjective (science proportions aside), but being youthful looking must add to it. Maybe I have just been caught up on the subject of age as of late.

I hate to end on a negative note, but I hate chain forwards and I'm not a guy that throws the word hate around. (Did you catch how I threw it around by trying to explain that I don't?) I really do, with a passion that runs deep. I know I have mentioned this before, but it just has to be said again. Misinformation disguised as "warnings" ones drive me crazy and makes me wish people would just go to scopes.com before forwarding/posting. Religious and nationalist forwards bother me even more. Yes, God is great, Troops are great, but do they really care if you forward this poorly written message. There are sometimes good intentioned ones, but they still say stupid shit. I hate when there are comments like, “93% of people won’t forward this.” Fuck you, is that supposed to motivate me to forward this bullshit on, like some sort of reverse psychology guilt. 93% of people are smart enough to delete this shit I want to reply knowing that 93% is a number they pulled out of their ass. Then you have ones, if you love God you will forward this, or something of that nature, which by not doing what they say, makes you by default a bad person. So I was a good person, but didn't forward your shit, so now I hate puppies? thanks. The chain letter is an old instrument and whether it is now in emails or facebook postings, it is the same old concept and I can't believe that virus is still around. I’ve said this before and will say it again, if the info in your “forward” is so grand, then copy it and send it alone without all the bullshit "forward me or you will get bad luck and make baby Jesus cry" bullshit. If you read my blog, you might notice I usually do not use curse words liberally, though on occasion they make sense, but this topic really annoys me. I mean, I love forwarding cool information to friends, great articles or news, but that is different than a chain forward and I hope you understand that. The way to spot a chain forward is when you are asked to forward it on to more people. If it is so it, the message it self will prompt the wanting to share, not a command under penalty of "insert chain letter tactic here." It is really simple I guess. So even stuff like, "I love my family, if you do too, post this on your wall" is a chain forward and even though I do love my family, I'll never post it and will try super hard not to let it annoy me, which I will fail at. Now if a person posted, "Vote against the law that kills puppies", and that is all, then reposting is not a forward and this is probably good information to share. Why am I trying to explain this, you understand, I'm just rambling like an old man now...this isn't meant to offend, just as a way to vent.

You know, speaking of venting, I do not enjoy reading when people vent about negative things they do not like. It just says more about them than it does about the thing bothering them. Knowing that, I should probably delete my forwards thoughts, but there is no use trying to be someone I'm not. (I wrote this rant a while back, and am much over it now, but reading it again, I could still relate.)

You are the moth, not the flame

Austin City Limits 2010

"Everything about you is how I'd wanna be

Your freedom comes naturally

Everything about you resonates happiness

Now I won't settle for less

Give me All the peace and joy in your mind

Everything about you pains my envying

Your soul can't hate anything

Everything about you is so easy to love

They're watching you from above."

- Muse (Bliss)

Austin City Limits just passed this weekend and I initially only had a ticket for Saturday. I needed two more tickets for friends that were coming so I decided to hit up Craigslist to see what I could do. Each year I have been proud of my ability to get tickets for face value even though they tend to sell for at least $20 over face. After some work, I was able to pick up 3 Saturday tickets at face value. (All legit tickets too, I might add.) That gave me an extra ticket, which I was able to sell for a profit. Then I decided last minute I wanted to go on Friday, so I was able to pull my Craigslist magic and get two Friday hard tickets for $10 under face. A good deal considering people are selling over face. I gave the second ticket to my brother Abram that morning and he was able to change his work plans to come. Next year, I'm just going to buy my three day pass early and a few Saturday tickets for friends that might want to come. It was the most gorgeous weather you could ask for.

Friday, I took the day off of work and what was going to be a chill day relaxing at home ended up being a music festival experience. I decided to make it an iPhone only pictures event to see how well I can do without my camera. I was impressed. When I got there Blues Traveler was playing. They put on an amazing show. I used to love them growing up, I don't know how many times I listened to their cds. I miss the days when I used to listen to full cds. I got to see among many; The Black Keys, Miike Snow, The Band of Heathens, a bit of The Sword, SPOON, Vampire Weekend, The Strokes and Phish. Spoon put on a great show as did The Strokes. For me the highlight was Spoon, mainly because I had been wanting to see them for quite some time.

Saturday, my friend Andrea came into town to join us for ACL. Abram's girlfriend Ashley also got to go to ACL for the first time. It was a fun day to say the least. I got to see Pete Yorn, The Gaslight Anthem, Broken Bells, The xx, The Temper Trap, Gogol Bordello, Ozomatli, Mat and Kim, and Muse. I must say, Muse was pretty darn Stellar. We were relatively close to the stage, which I was proud of. It was quite the experience. I even got a raccoon sun burn since I was wearing sunglasses and a cap. Here is a photo of everyone hanging out.

Here are my Flickr photos from the event. I posted them on Facebook too, which makes me wish I could somehow sync my FB and Flickr photos in an easier way.

I had a lot of other friends that went to ACL that I didn't get to see or run into. From what I have heard, they all had great times. Over all, my two days at ACL were a great experience. I'm glad Andrea was able to come and enjoyed her company.

Part of life is growing and becoming the person you want to be, not just accepting the person you are. I can probably say that I was the kind of person that held on to the past because I believed that it was somehow romantic. Your past can always be just how you choose it to be, which makes it easier to hold on to. To let go I thought was to admit that everything I experienced was not real...but that notion is not romantic, it is just unhealthy. The truth is always changing. Why hold on to things you don't even want? For example, I have old cell phones that are out of date, a zip drive, and other random things in my closet that serve no real purpose other than the memories they represent, or this faint notion that you never know when you are going to need that 250mb zip disk (My camera sd card has 8GB). I like my new stuff better, yet I still hold on and do not throw them away. I've cast myself as tourtured romantic lead in the story and have lived my life accordingly.

Music is great in that it brings back memories. An example of this is actually relates to the band Muse. I saw them two years ago at ACL for the first time and even wrote about it. It was very hard for me then. I think they are a great band, and they have a lot of songs I think are amazing, but unfortunately, they represented something different for me at the time. They had baggage of being the favorite band of a former flame, the one she discovered without me and saw the night we both knew things were over forever. She had once dedicated the song "Bliss" to me and instead of taking it at its lyrics and being appreciative, it meant only what I wanted it to mean and it made me feel worse. This is all stuff that only exists in your mind, oblivious to anyone around you.

So now, all these years later, I was in the same spot, listening to the same band and I knew it would be different. And to my surprise, it was different. I had let go. This was now my moment, the moment I got past all the bullshit that seems to permeate different aspects of my life. This moment was about the moment, at this time, not a moment to relive another moment where I was pining about something else. My thinking was better and I let go of this unproductive waste of time of my untamed wandering mind. That meant a lot to me. I listened to each song with joy and the freedom it represented. It is easy to say, just get over it, or even to think, yeah I'm over that...but to feel it, that was a big deal for me. It does help that the show they put on was amazing, she did have good taste, and I'm a fan of their music.

Today, Sunday, is 10/10/10. I hear a lot of people got married today. I don't know of any friends that did, but it was still a pretty cool day. I mainly spent it relaxing, watching the Cowboys disappoint me and feeling hopeful about things to come. Oh, I decided to get those barefoot running shoes with the toes for my next paycheck. I hope they are as cool as they seem. I plan to use them to run, since I think they look silly as regular shoes.

I saw this video on SNL and thought it was very funny. It is called "Damn it, my mom is on Facebook."

watching you from above

Behavioral Issues

“I am easily satisfied with the very best.” - Winston Churchill

I have a few pets and one of them is my cat Koki. Unfortunately, I don't know her exact birthday, but I got her as a baby kitten and she is now about 8 years old. That is the longest I have ever owned/cared for a pet. She has been sick lately, at least I think. She is down to 8.5 lbs, from 11 or 12 she was about 3 years ago. Koki peed on my comforter 4 times in two weeks. I know it could be behavioral, but there was also a chance she was sick. I decided to take her into the vet. $300 and a full day of tests later, I found out that she didn't have anything particularly wrong with her, but that due to her urine tests, she needed to go on this special diet. A UTI was ruled out which I thought it might be. I had decided, that less than $100, Mia (my other cat) would get to go to the vet for being the cat version of most kids today (she is obese). For $200, I'd understand, but anything more and I'd be sad (what else can I do.) To be fair, the vet was super nice and very knowledgeable and performed a lot of tests, which I'm sure had to be done, but I feel like complaining.

The assumption seems to be that Koki has anxiety and it is leading to hair loss from licking and the aforementioned peeing issues. I had told that vet that I hoped it was only behavioral because at least then I would know she was healthy, but she said that medical can at least be treated. I didn't want to argue with her, but there are a lot of medical issues that can't be treated too, so I'll take anxiety.

My theory is that some how our house got invested with fleas and the anxiety of all the itching made her urinate at bad times in bad places. That is the only real change in circumstance that I can think of that could have led to this. That said, I can't get in a cat's mind. I'll do my best to keep up with her "just in case" meds and her new cat food.

I don't have dental insurance, but I care about my teeth so I had an appointment with my dentist last week. I have to pay cash, so I came in with a coupon. That felt a bit weird, but I got a great deal. For $29 I got x-rays and a check up. Then for $80 bucks more I got a cleaning. (The special when I went was $79 for x-rays and a check up.) I have no cavities which is great news. I got a bit of a lecture, but still the news was positive.

I even had an eye check up the same day for the progress from my Lasik. I'm doing well, I'm at 20/20, but there are issues with blurriness still. I was told to use drops more often. I will still say that that surgery was one of my best decisions. I'm very pleased and would recommend it to anyone.

There was this new show on Fox called "Lone Star" that I thought was great. I was going out of my way to tell people to watch it. It was going to be the new Lost I would say. Maybe I'm just a fan of confidence men, but the plot was interesting. The show then gets canned after just 2 episodes. Are you kidding me? It even had good reviews, but no one watched it. I blame Rick Perry...just kidding, but seriously, I want to blame someone. I'm probably alone with this because well, look at the ratings.

So there are a few movies I'm interested in seeing. First, "The Social Network," also "The Town." At some point I want to see the new Wall Street, but I think I can wait until it is out on DVD (remember when we used to say 'tape' or 'vhs'). I should probably make more of an effort to get out to the movies. You know what else looks good, "Secretariat."

I have been going out a lot more lately. It is physically more demanding than I imagined. Maybe I shouldn't drink each time I go out. Inspired by a friend of mine, I've been on a string of dates. I must say, they have all been good experiences, but no real romantic connections as of yet. Maybe it is just me, but I feel real tentative. I think I just needed a change of pace and this was an interesting change. I do feel a bit tired of having the same conversations over and over, but you always have the hope you will a person that will knock you off your feet. I guess what I have found out is that I'm really in no rush to meet them.

So it is Friday night at around 9pm and I find myself at dinner with just myself and three very attractive ladies I had never met before this day. I was having a good time with a Maker's on the rocks in one hand and then I took a second to think about how it was exactly I ended up at this point. -- My plans after work on Friday were go to home and rest after what felt like a very long week. A friend of mine invited me out to the Belmont for happy hour and since I had been out of touch lately, I decided to make the effort and go to catch up. This is one of my favorite lounges in Austin and there was a band playing Frank Sinatra style music. I guess the official genre is swing, crooner, Jazz, or lounge. See I'm still not sure, bit it was good stuff. The guy was amazing and his band was great. While we were there, I met up with some of her other friends and even friends of friends. The friend who invited me couldn't stay too long because she had a late shift at the hospital, but when she left I decided to stick around and have another drink. There were four people left. This one guy who was a lawyer by education, but worked in the political realm. I'm not sure what he does exactly, but I think it has to do with political commercials. I assume the guy was conservative, but he was awesome, smart and one of those really charismatic types. His confidence and interactions I was impressed with. Then there were two other girls, one who was a doctor and was cute as a button. The type of girl that is fun to be around and you try to keep yourself from getting lost in staring. Nothing that you could say is wow, but as a whole just attractive. She was older than me, as was her taller attractive friend, which made things more laid back since I could remove them as romantic interests and get to know them. We moved to another bar where we had a few more drinks. I enjoyed the fact that these girls were really sharp people, with not only great conversation skills, but people who had their lives together, with careers and who could talk about relationships in a manner that had a sense of wisdom behind it. The guy was also older than me and the type of guy you would want as a mentor in the business world or probably even in the social world. We had some good conversations and I just laid it out as far as my thinking went because there was no need to put up any sort of front and they had thoughts and advice that were actually meaningful. I caught myself thinking about the way I thought about things. I heard stuff like, "I used to think about things in that way when I was your age, but now that I'm older, I see it this way..."

After drinks, the girls were off to dinner and their guy friend decided to call it a night, so they had an extra seat for dinner and were so kind as to invite me. This is where my propensity to over think things gets in the way. I declined the first invitation, mainly because they didn't know me and were probably just trying to be kind. On the second invitation, I decided that I didn't care about the reasons behind the invitation, but that it would be fun so I went. We get to the place and meet up with their third friend. Another super cute girl who for some reason I felt like I had met or seen before, but I couldn't place it for the life of me. I kept this to myself. So there I was, sitting at a table in this nice restaurant with 3 other girls I had just met, having dinner and an enjoyable conversation. We talked relationships and experiences and I tried to balance being reasonable with pushing some limits on what I thought. The conversation had started with a story about one girl's most recent dating development, in which I tried to stay out of the way so that she could update her friends. But after, we just hit all kinds of topics, from people being too needy to whether holding back is a good thing or a bad thing. I'm sure some of my comments didn't make the best impression, but I wanted a more honest dialogue. At one point, the button girl, she pulled out a list she had on her phone of what she was looking for in a man. She had actually taken the time to put this comprehensive list together and as I read it, part of me was thinking, dude, I'm all of these things. But then I thought about it, these are all the things I want to be, how many of them truly are me. I'd hope to say most of them, but I'm pretty biased. At the end of the night, we parted ways and I left feeling like I had an enjoyable night with a lot of things to think about. For example, the idea of dating a person you are not that excited about. Even if I know something isn't going to work out, I'll give it a shot to see if things get better. They were all big advocates of not wasting a person's time. So the lesson learned was that you never know where a night is going to take you and maybe I should be more open to seeing where the night takes me.

Austin City Limits is this weekend. I decided only to go on Saturday, instead of Friday, Saturday and Sunday. It is mainly a function of being too lazy and money conscious to find a 3 day pass on Craigslist. Muse is the headliner I'm excited about seeing, and I'm asking friends who I should check out since I'm not the best up to date on the latest bands. I'm excited. I'm sure there will be an entry dedicated to this soon.

Finally, here is a random story I forget if I have shared. I was in the grocery store the other day buying groceries and I decided I needed sandwich products. I was looking for cheese and by instinct I picked up Velveeta. Then I started to think about why I bought Velveeta. Growing up, we always had Kraft cheese in our house. I'm not sure why this was the selection, but for me, it was what cheese I ate. When I went to college, I wanted to save some money, so I would always buy the store brand cheese, so I guess I didn't have any real brand loyalty. After college, I was shopping for groceries with my then girlfriend and I picked up a pack of store brand 32 cheese singles. I didn't think anything of it. She got the cheese and put it back and got Velveeta. She said, "We are out of college now, we have jobs, we can afford to pay extra get the good stuff, we deserve it." I never had a preference for cheese, but I guess that was the brand she liked, so from that point on I always bought Velveeta. Even now, all these years later, each time I move for the generic cheese, I hear her voice and decide that I deserve the good stuff and always pick Velveeta. It is so automatic that just the other day I thought about it and it all came back.

it feels good to be excited