Treasures

"When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure."  - Unknown

This part of the year is always emotionally bittersweet because it is simultaneously filled with moments of joy and sadness.  More so this year because a year ago today, on May 26, my close friend Maria M. passed away from her battle with cancer. I regret not having been able to visit her in the hospital and be with her during her final days.  Maria was more than just a good friend from college who I kept occasional tabs with, she was a close friend of mine who I had real conversations with regularly  I shared a lot with her and we were like phone pen pals who would talk for hours about everything. From her thoughts on life, work, kids, marriage, battling cancer and even the possibility of dying.  The best parts were when we would reminisce about our various adventures during college and laugh.  Maria was a huge part of who I became as a person during those formative years and I feel like you take a bit of personality from all your friends and I'm glad to have her as part of my personality.   Maria is the kind of person that treats everyone with kindness and just knowing her makes you consider her a close friend, because she treats everyone like a friend.  I have never met a more genuinely happy soul.  I would always tell her who much I wish I had her positive and optimistic outlook.

Because she lived in California post-college, I rarely got to see her in person and I think the last time I hung out with her was at my friends' Jorge and Michelle's wedding.  I'm glad we all had that moment.  I miss Maria a lot and there are countless times I grab my phone to call her up and get advice or want to check her blog to see if she has posted any updates.  I miss her comments on my blog, since she was one of my few friends that kept tabs on me and was happy to share when she had thoughts about something I shared.  I think of her a lot and I'll always have her in my heart.  She has so many friends and family that are thinking of her today and my heart goes out to all of them.

Then, this Saturday, May 28, is my older sister Veronica's birthday who passed away in 2003.  I feel like I emotionally focus on the loss, grief and pain of losing my dear sister more so on her death anniversary in February and try to focus more on the joy and happiness that was her life on her birthday in May.  The focus for me is the impact she had on my life as a sister and her two beautiful daughters who carry on her memory and make me a proud uncle.  This is my happy day, but when you let yourself feel and remember the happiness and joy, it is also hard at times to ignore the pain knowing that she is gone.

This emotionally packed weekend gets to turn an even better corner on Sunday, May 30, which is my brother Abram's birthday.  This helps me focus on the present and the celebration which is reminds me that you should always value the friends and family you are blessed enough to have around you.  I need to always remember to make an effort to celebrate the treasures in my in life who I have time with now since in the end all we are left only with are memories.  I hope he has a great birthday this year since it has been an exciting one with a lot of positive changes.

So my advice to my friends and family on this Memorial Day weekend is to spend time with and appreciate your loved ones.  Time flies and you can't control change, but you can enjoy the moment.

always smiling

Closing In

“Write without pay until somebody offers to pay you. If nobody offers within three years, sawing wood is what you were intended for.” - Mark Twain

House events are going well and I'm inching closer to finally moving in. Below is what I started writing last week when I "thought" my closing got moved up, but unfortunately, it will not be moved up and I'll instead I'll still close on Tuesday, May 31st.

"I got great news this week, my closing has been moved to Friday, May 27th.  That means that I have the entire Memorial Day weekend to move and unpack.  I'm super happy about this. This also means that my family will be able to come up and help me, while also getting the added benefit of celebrating my brother and sister's birthday while up here. I'm one week away from something I have worked very hard toward for many years."

You could tell I was real happy, but I guess the later closing date does not diminish the the greater news that I'll be closing in about a week.  Sometimes I fixate on the small issues and lose sight of the big picture.  I will say that this entire process consumes me right now and it is all I seem to think about and unfortunately for my friends, talk about. I'll afford myself this momentary luxury though because I'm genuinely excited.  I keep thinking about all the check list items, getting moved out, all my accounts closed and then setting up my new accounts.  The packing and moving preparations, who is going to help me move, what I need to buy, like a refrigerator and living room furniture.  The part that keeps the anxiety going is that the loan still hasn't been officially approved, though I'm hoping that Monday this will be taken care of.  The approval should have happened a month ago, but I ran into unexpected delays. Ok, that enough of that, so I'll talk about other matters.

I have had the worst writer's block as of late.  I guess I have just been distracted.  I usually enjoy musing about random things on my blog (which gets reposted to Facebook), but I guess the cool stuff I find, I instantly share on FB or on my google reader feed. By the time I get to writing about it, it feels a bit outdated and less funny.  I mean, this is where I would probably write about my thoughts on all the rapture fun that was this past weekend.  My favorite part is how funny this past week was to the people "who do believe" in the rapture, but just think it is "crazy" to actually know the date as per Matthew.   I was raised in this rapture stuff, which made it that much more fun.  You know, I'm just going to avoid this thin ice and just move on.

The Austin City Limits lineup came out last week and I'm looking forward to it.  I had purchased 3 three-day tickets last year and sold one to my friend Efrain and the other to my friend Christina. Each year I say I don't have 3 days in me, but I always seem to go at least 2 days, if not all 3.  I figure this year I'll just go all 3 as well.  I'm really looking forward to it.

There is nothing like idle time and a wandering mind.  I'm pretty good about keeping a positive outlook and trying not to get lost in the past for too long.  Lately, that has been a bit harder and I don't know why.  I think it has to do with the fact that I've had the house to myself for quite some time now.  I like being alone, but I have, for the most part, always lived in a house with a housemate.  When you start to reflect on the path that got you to this very moment, you think about all the large decisions and small decisions that could have changed that.  I'm happy where I'm at and what I have accomplished, but I wonder where I would be if I got off path too.  From large things, like where I chose to go to college, the cities I decided to move to, the friends I made, the relationships I entered and ended to the small things, like the night I chose to go out vs. stay in, or just chance occurrences.  I feel like I have been very lucky, yet it does sometimes leave you wondering how others are doing or how things would be like if X happened.

The TV season finales are finishing up and I'm about to free up a bunch of time I was spending catching up on my shows.  You don't always need a cliffhanger, I mean, I'll be back next season anyways.  Plus, by the time it is next season, I will have forgotten what the cliffhanger was.  Who will be the new boss at Dunder-Mifland, was Becket wearing a bullet proof vest, is Red John dead, will Derek come home, who will Ted marry, will Pierce be back in the group, will Ned stay with Edna?  I mean, that is just a few of the many questions I thought I cared about, but not really.

always the lesson

Selling the Clutter

"Every one lives by selling something." -Robert Louis Stevenson

I don't know if this is just me, but I have this habit of buying something, usually online, and then keeping the box after opening it.  I don't know why I do it, but it makes me feel like I have the option to return it later if I change my mind. (Also keep receipts)  What happens is that in my closet I have this stack of shame, boxes of things that I probably shouldn't have purchased.  So now that I'm preparing to move, I'm starting to sell off some of my old things, namely electronics, and incidentally, those original boxes have been a god send for selling my items on ebay.  They make the item look newer when it comes in its original packaging.  Extra cash for things I'm not using often is worth the effort. 

It is not easy to decide what to sell. I have this idea that there will be a point when I "might" need that item, even though I haven't used it in over a year. This is probably the type of thinking that creates hoarding.  For example, my TI-85 calculator.  I haven't touched it since high school calculus and yet, I've held on to it for all these years. (Update: ended up selling to my cousin.)  Another item I had trouble considering to sell was this super remote I got as a Christmas gift from a former girlfriend a few years ago.  I really wanted it at the time and thought it would change my life.  I quickly found out that I hardly used it since my TiVo remote was enough.  So I decided to post the remote on eBay and it sold for a great price. Selling on Ebay is fun, despite the cut you have to pay them, and I keep going through all my things trying to find what else I can sell.  Things are not going as fast on craigslist as I thought they would.  So look at me, I'm having a garage sale of sorts.

I love buying stuff on craigslist too, but I'm trying to hold off until I move into my new place.  What I will say is that not having a truck anymore making craigslist shopping harder.  I can't buy desks or tables, or anything where I need larger transportation.  Maybe this is a good thing.

Let me do some catching up.  Easter weekend I stayed in town and mainly relaxed.  I also helped my brother Abram move into his new place in North Austin.  He and Ashley really found a nice place to rent that is near his new job.  Ashley is really great at decorating I will say.  It is going to take some time to get used to him being gone.  I feel like I went through the same thing when my cousin Rino moved out.  I'm sure the move into my new house next month will be a big change that will take more getting used to.

This past weekend my father came into town from the Valley to visit.  I took him by my new house which was under construction, to give him a tour.  He liked the house and was able to give me some ideas about what work I can do on it, especially with the fence.  I always think of crazy project ideas that I enlist my father to help me with.  Last time it was shaving the heels off the soles of my running shoes and this time it was stripping and staining my dining table. I have this light maple colored table and I wanted to make it a dark color for my new house.  So I picked up 4 leather chairs on craigslist, a truck would have made it easier, and then we started on the project.  I had never stripped paint before and it was pretty cool, but labor intensive. I used another table I had as a practice test and it turned out pretty good.  Now my dining table did not turn out like I hoped.  The dark color was just not even and you could see the brush strokes, so I put more and more on it and now it just looks painted and not really smooth. I probably shouldn't have messed with it after my father left.

I took my father to have dinner and kept trying to convince him to attend the wiener dog races in Buda, but he wanted none of that.  It is more fun than it sounds.  We had a BBQ at Abram and Ashley's place on Sunday.  It was fun and their place is really coming together.  Abram built a cool dog kennel in his back yard. Another big part of the trip was that I got my father an iPad 3G, which I tried to teach him to use.  I hope he ends up figuring it out and getting a lot of use out of it.  He has no computer experience, but Apple is very simple to pick up.  He likes the news apps, which I hope become gateway apps.

Finally, I sent my cat Maddie home with my father to my sister Ana.  She is a great cat and will be missed, but  three cats is two too many and with a dog, it is just too much to keep up with. I think she has found a good home.  She is still adjusting, but here is a picture that my sister sent me.

In other random news, I finally settled my last unpaid negative tradeline on my credit reports. It was a silly low amount, but out foolish principle I resisted for years.  It was a lot of work, but hopefully this will mark the beginning of more mature financial decisions going forward.  But just like dieting and exercise, next month I say, I mean, I am moving and I'll be buying lots of random stuff.  Paying out the money was not fun though and since the settlement agreement is confidential, I won't say too much about it.  Good news though.

My days now consist of a lot of packing, which is going at a really slow pace.  Cleaning in an effort to only be charged my security deposit and nothing more.  I'm hoping this month goes by fast because I'm really looking forward to moving into my new house. This week, my housemate Norbert has been out of town and it is like I'm living by myself.  It has been a while since I have lived alone and it was a weird feeling.  It definitely has its pros and cons.

distractions

Where Were You?

"Today, at my direction, the United States launched a targeted operation against that compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan. A small team of Americans carried out the operation with extraordinary courage and capability. No Americans were harmed. They took care to avoid civilian casualties. After a firefight, they killed Osama bin Laden and took custody of his body." - President Barack Obama, 05/01/11

I'll never forget where I was on September 11, 2001.  When the first plane hit the World Trade Center building, I was asleep in my house in Ithaca, NY where I was attending college.  My house mate, Juan Carlos barged into my room and told me to turn on my TV.  We watched the news in horror as the second plane hit the other tower.  We were about 5 hours away, but the NYC was where Juan's family lived, so this had an extra sense of urgency and reality to him.  For days after, we didn't know if there would be more be attacks and if the world would erupt into a war.  We did know everything would be different and I mainly remained in shock from the devastation I witnessed with all of America.  I got a lot of phone calls from family in Texas since I was closer to the tragedy, but I was such a safe distance away that there wasn't any real worry.  People I know lost love ones, but I was lucky enough to not have anyone close to me hurt. Watching the cops, firefighters and volunteers working tirelessly at ground zero really showed me how admirably people can act in a time of crisis.

I distinctly remember a conversation with my older sister Veronica about how she would be able to explain this tragedy to her two young daughters.  She was particularly sad about the children who would no longer have their parents and tried to use that context in talking to them about it. This really emotionally hurt her and her empathy showed so clearly.  Two years later when my sister passed away in a car accident, I remembered that conversation with her about the victims and the attack and the affect it would have on their families.  In a strange way it gave me insight about how she understood how hard it would now be for her two little girls having to grow up without a mother.  I imagined the comfort she wished for those families and it helped me.

Almost 10 years later, my father and I were in Austin driving home from visiting my brother's and his girlfriend's new place when I got a notification on my iPhone that the President was going to speak at 10:30pm EST.  No one knew what it was about, so we turned to the news and waited anxiously.  We speculated and thought it either had to do with Libya or a terrorist threat of some sort.  It was a Sunday night, this had to be urgent.  Then as we were nearing my home, we heard the news as it just leaked, that Osama Bin Laden was dead. It felt surreal.  I was so happy.  My dad hit his hands on the dashboard in celebration. I texted a few friends and family members and then went inside to watch President Obama's speech on TV.

Watching the crowds of people gathered and cheering outside of the White House and outside of Ground Zero really brought joy to my heart.  I never thought I would be rejoicing in the death of a person, but this was a good moment for America as he was brought to justice.  As I learn the details of how this all transpired, I'm in awe at the Navy Seals and intelligence people who pulled it off and especially at the decision making of our Commander-in-chief.  I'm sure there are countless people and countless decisions that got to this point, but we finally got him.  There would be questions about Pakistan later, the details of the hows and what happened, but at this moment, all that mattered was that we got him.

In this moment of unity and joy, there are some people already jockeying for political points, trying to attack the president of our country.  It puts a damper on the moment.  After 9/11, I stood behind a president who I not only didn't agree with, but didn't like.  His actions after, I still didn't agree with, namely going to War in Iraq with the argument that it was tied to 9/11, but it didn't change my unity with the country on what we went through.  But now, it just bothers me that others are trying to find a way to take this positive moment and try to use it to attack our president, namely on the issue of credit and who knows what else.  The more you learn about the mission, the more you see, the President is a badass.  Yeah, he isn't liberal enough for me, caters to the Right on so many issues, but I'm not using this time to vent those grievances.  It feels like people are saying, "How dare the President take credit for his decisions and actions when it included actions of many?"  I will say, those Navy Seals and intelligence people who he gave credit to, and a lot of people in the military are also badasses and I'm in awe of what they do.  I look forward to learning more about this.

I have tried to stay away from the political discussion for the most part, but I'm always ready to talk about it.  I'll take a break from that stance to say that to make rude comments doesn't make sense to me, especially in the face of points like, back in March 13, 2002, when President Bush said about Bin Laden:

"Who knows if he’s hiding in some cave or not. We haven’t heard from him in a long time. The idea of focusing on one person really indicates to me people don’t understand the scope of the mission. Terror is bigger than one person. He’s just a person who’s been marginalized. … I don’t know where he is. I really just don’t spend that much time on him, to be honest with you."


I actually agree with some of those points by Bush, but Bin Laden was a big deal, even if you argue symbolically.  Yes, terror is bigger than one person, and I understand that this won't make things safer, but a murderer was brought to justice.  Also, this shows you how actions are more important than words, results over false bravado.  The debate on who should get credit for what, the political one, just feels like sour grapes at this moment.  A real discussion about ALL the people that played a role is probably productive if it wasn't motivated with bashing people. 


I had to get that out, because some things I heard urked me and I had a lot of thoughts and feelings about this great moment.  Yes, we all have different political views, we all like an dislike different presidents and politicians.  I get that, but how about we just keep the hate held back a bit while we all celebrate.  We can go back to fighting over politics another day, but for today, I'm happy we got him.

united