On the Horizon

"Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them."  -Bill Maher

Almost a month now it has been, it feels similar to when you haven't talked to a friend in a long time.  It is like this inverse effect where the longer it has been, the less you seem to have to talk about.  Yet, your friends you talk to almost daily, you can go on for hours with about nothing.  Sometimes though, with a really good friend, if you break the nothing-to-talk-about barrier with a good topic, you can slip right back into old times.  This is also how I feel about writing at the moment.

The new house saga is starting to fade into the past, but it will be some time before the new starts to wear off since I haven't even made my first mortgage payment yet.  I like my new place and I'm starting to feel more at home each day.  I keep myself busy with household projects I create and there seems to be a lot of them.  I installed shelves for my walls/cats, a bathroom cabinet, I am starting on adding on to my fence and do things like water my grass and plants.  It is all stuff I previously thought was mundane and which I admit for the most part probably is.  I get the last of my furniture this weekend and hopefully it will spur me to get motivated to get the rest of my garage unpacked so I can feel fully moved in.  They are still building the houses next door to me, so I don't know my next-door neighbors yet.

I've been lucky enough to catch up with some good friends recently.  I had dinner and drinks with my friends Oscar and Clarita the other night.  I always enjoy taking to them and they always have such great advice.  Later, I hung out with Rick and Rebecca.  Rick got to see my house and it is always a lively conversation when you have three former debaters at the table.  I try to keep in mind that I need to be more proactive about making an effort to spend time with friends because it isn't that hard to get busy and grow apart.  I always took for granted that just because a friendship has strong roots, that you don't have to put in as much effort.  There is always a point where you don't talk to someone for so long that it feels weird to contact them now, like some expiration date has passed and to contact them now would just highlight the amount of time that you let pass.

The older I get, the faster time seems to fly.  I know that is cliche, but I can't believe that it is almost July already.  For example, I stopped reading this online comic I used to love in June 2010.  I always thought, one day I'll just go back to June and catch up on the few months that I've let lapse.  Well now it has been a year and reading a year's worth of Pooch Cafe seems like a daunting task.  Hopefully I'll be able to get the book that covers that period of time.

I need to plan a long vacation since I haven't really traveled for leisure in some time.  The good news is that I have booked my flight to San Diego in early August for my friend Sam's wedding.  I have never been to San Diego and have been wanting to go for years.  It is on my list of "must visit" places and I considered moving there sight unseen after law school, but ended up moving back to Texas instead.  In the same vein, I have an open invitation to all my out-of-state friends that want to visit, since I haven't been too great about getting out to visit them these past few years. My friend Efrain from California is coming to Austin in September for ACL and I'm really looking forward to that.  Maybe a few other friends will come as well.  My friend Juan Carlos just graduated from medical school in NY and Jorge and Michelle have a baby girl that I can't wait to meet on the East coast.  I don't know why I feel so bad taking time off of work, but I'm going to work on this.  That and most of my savings has gone towards this getting a house thing.

I guess I have been thinking of travel more because my friend Christina seems to travel constantly, both for work and for pleasure.  She is probably out of state every other weekend on some trip, usually to NY, but most recently in Vegas.  I miss Vegas.  I wouldn't want to travel as much as her, but more than I have the past few years. I used to travel so much and for any reason.  I still have left on my "must visit," Chicago, New Orleans and Seattle.  Though I wouldn't mind a few repeats, like LA, Boston and Miami.

Wednesday, Christina was kind enough to invite me to attend the USA v. Panama and Mexico v. Honduras Gold Cup soccer games in Houston, TX.  This is something I wanted to jump on, but the notice was too short to get time off of work and I couldn't pull off a drive after work to Houston and then leave at 5am in the morning to make it back to work the next morning turnaround, so I had to pass on it.  I did watch the games on TV, in Spanish, and they were both great.  She had a great time.   I'm looking forward to the final.

I belatedly caught on to the HBO series, Game of Thrones.  I kept hearing about it online, but for some reason thought it was some video game people liked.  I saw the entire first season (10 eps)  in 2 days and have become quite the fan.  I think I enjoy watching series in a row rather than waiting week to week.  Now I can't wait until the Spring 2012 for season 2.  I may even check out the books, and by books I mean audiobooks.   Though I just got a kindle, so maybe I'll do it the old fashioned reading way. Next, I want to check out The Killing on AMC, but haven't had a chance yet.   TrueBlood starts again on Sunday, so I'll be following that, but even though I enjoyed the last season, the show isn't as interesting to me as it initially was. I'm invested though.  As a side note, you know, women really love vampires, but that is a topic for another day.

So babies are being born everywhere it seems.  Among the many FB babies I've seen as of late, my friend Jon and his wife Stacey recently had a baby, my cousin Adam and his wife Kirby had their first child, my cousin Vanessa had a baby girl, my cousin Mario has one on the way really really soon and my good college friend Iris just had her first baby.  I'm so very happy for all them. I guess that is what people do, make other people.  I guess they all get to experience that, "you'll only understand if you are parent," feeling I'm often told about.  These are the people I'll be trying to get my knowledge from when it is time for me to father twins.  (If I'm going to be busy being a parent, might as well double up.)

I had a insightful conversation the other day with a friend about relationships that started when she told me something I could really relate to.  She had seen a picture of someone she had dated with his new fiance looking genuinely happy and for some reason it triggered an uncomfortable emotional reaction.  You would think that it would be from the feeling of missing out, wishing that could be you or even jealousy, but it was, for the most part, none of those things.  It had more to do with not seeing that on the horizon for yourself.  I can admit that I have felt that way before. I feel like I know a lot of great friends that feel like they perpetually single despite any lacking of options.  I think the problem, I can say for myself, is that it is easy to be ok with being independent most of the time, but there are fleeting moments when it is much harder.  You get all the benefits of the single life, dating who you want, doing what you want, no expectations, the freedom to make choices without having to get someone's input, but then there are moments when it would be nice to have found a person that you share a true connection with.  That is probably why it seems like they are not doing anything to change their situation.  The older you get, the most likely it is that your exes are now married and starting families which makes you start to take stock.  You throw in the happy-for-them, check, would I rather it be me, probably not check, but yet there is still regret or longing sometimes.  For me it was weird going from in college where I was known as the "relationship guy," to my late 20s/early 30s where I've been for the most part the "single guy."  People say you will change your mind when you "meet the right person," but although I don't doubt this, I've noticed that I have been more consistently happy while single, vs. the roller-coaster of much happier and must more stressful moments while in relationships. The highs are much higher, but the lows and stress that comes with it act as a counter-weight. Some people like to say that they are just too busy to meet someone, or are too committed to work, but I think those are justifications people use.  The truth is that you are either not putting in a lot of effort or putting in a lot of effort and its just not working out for you.  There are individual reasons for both of those.  Also, past performance doesn't always guarantee future results, so I can't just take for granted that things always seem to work themselves out.  I'm rambling and have lost my point, if I ever had one, but it is comforting to know that a lot of people are in or have been in the same boat, going through the same process.  

I'll always want more

Where the Heart Is

“When you're safe at home you wish you were having an adventure; when you're having an adventure you wish you were safe at home.” - Thorton Wilder

I have closed and am all moved into my new house in south Austin. This has been a great experience.  I closed on Friday, May 27th and started moving that very night.  The move was an ordeal and was more involved than I expected and spanned almost 3 full days.  I find it funny that it was easier to move from DC to Texas pulling a uhaul than it was to move down the street into my new house.  I am grateful to my friends and family who helped because without them I couldn't have done it.

So I wasn't sure I was going to be able to close early, but when I got the word last Friday, I was excited.  The closing wasn't anything special and didn't feel like I was taking on the second biggest debt/investment of my life. (First being college/law school student loans whose balance is higher than my house.)  There was a lot of signing.  My realtor was there with me and was very helpful as well.  She is such a doll and helped me every step along the way assisting me with every single detail.  It didn't hurt that she was how you would imagine an attractive real estate person to be. I was probably very high maintenance, but she was kind, patient and most important, informative.  I learned so much during process.  When I signed the last document, I shook out my hand, and quickly got on the road to pick up my keys.  It was a great feeling, but I'd still rank the feeling of passing the bar as a bit more emotionally fulfilling.

The moment I got my keys, it felt like the house was really mine.  I walked around for a bit to take in the brand new empty house feel and then my feelings went from jubilation to focusing on the logistics of the move.  I had a personal shot of Maker's Mark to celebrate.  Christina dropped by to check out my place before I started moving.  First stop, Uhaul.  Christina was kind enough to give me a ride to Uhaul, since I would be driving back in one of those trucks I imagined.  When I get there, the guy laughs at me as I ask for their biggest truck and tells me that everything is booked because of Memorial Day weekend and all the college kids graduating and heading back home. (I assume parent's home considering the state of the economy.) He had one open trailer he could rent me the next day so I took it.  I returned to the house to hatch a new moving plan.  I would be moving with just pick-up trucks. Abram brought over his Tacoma, and Norbert had his parent's Tundra.  And the trips started, and we went back and forth and back and forth filling the trucks to the brink.  My Dad soon arrived from the Valley and joined in on the fun. We moved until 1:30am before calling it a night.

There was a moving moment I won't forget.  We got the beds over in a truck packing feat that only Abram could have imagined.  When I thought it was impossible to pack a King size bed and box spring in a single pickup truck, Abram decided that not only could he do it, but that he would throw in a full size bed, box spring and twin size mattress just for good measure.  It is an important lesson that sometimes you have to dream big to complete feats you didn't think you could, even when dealing with daily stuff. Even though it only had to travel 8 miles or so, it was packed so well that it could have gone much longer.  This made it possible for me to sleep at my new home for the first night.  It felt like camping, namely because I didn't have internet at the new place.

The rest of the weekend entailed more moving, and even my cousin Rino came over with his truck and helped out for a long while.  Saturday, my sister Ana and Rick showed up as well.  Ana and I went shopping for living room furniture and a bedroom set.  She helped me pick a leather set I was happy with.  When my fridge arrived I was excited because it felt like the final missing piece.  Rick gave me a cigar to smoke when I paid off my mortgage.  It was a cool gift and I put it away for that next milestone even though I don't smoke, I'll be happy to light it up.  It was nice having family and friends to enjoy this with.

Sunday, Abram had a BBQ at his place for the family and to pre-celebrate his birthday on Monday.  Each time I go visit, their place looks better and better.  Ashley got a new car which looked really sharp, especially the color.  I liked his BBQ pit so much I decided to get one like it myself.  It is my first venture into gas grilling, but I'm liking it.

So here I am now, unpacking and getting situated and it is staring to feel real.  Getting a house was always a big goal for me and I feel like I waited longer than a lot of people I know because I wasn't in the right position yet.  When I was little, I had two goals for my house as an adult.  Goal one was to have an upstairs.  I always thought upstairs were cool and always wanted my Dad to build an upstairs on our one story house.  I thought about this a lot for some reason.  Goal two was to design it myself, I thought I would be an architect, and have secret passages and hidden rooms.  So my first house only hit one of those goals, but my second house, I'll work on the secret passages.  In the mean time, I am planning on a secret safe in some dead space, but I have already said too much.  I wish I had something important to put in it.

What made this even more special was the road it took to get here. After college and again after law school, I ran into some credit problems which made life a lot more difficult.  Good credit is important kids and not having it really limits your options I have learned.  I couldn't get a good interest rate on a car or on a line of credit.  So for about 3 years I worked my hardest to improve and clean up my credit past and it finally got to a decent point this year.  I got my car refinanced and qualified for my home at 4.375%, which is an interest rate I am very happy about.  Hopefully this is the dawn of a new era in my finances where I start to save more and figure out a way to pay down this student loan debt that makes work at time feel like indentured servitude.  But just like diets and working out, later, you know, cause right now I need those new sofas.  It is funny, but sad.

The house is 4 bedrooms, but 2 of the rooms are smaller, meant for a nursery I gather, but I'm using it as an office.  There are two living rooms and I got my granite countertops which was important to me. I hope to take a month to get my place in order and then have a bar stocking party.  My friends can just drop by in the mean time.

They didn't sod the backyard, so I had to order that this week. That was an expense I was not expecting.  I never understood being a lawn guy, but maybe that will be me one day.  I will say, sodding the backyard has been a chore.  I probably should have hired help, but I'm enjoying it.  I have that and many other home projects to look forward to.

The house I was renting in Buda was hard to walk away from.  We moved into it brand new, so the experience was akin to that of buying a home and selling it 3 years later and just breaking even.  We cleaned it up the best we could and left it in great shape.  I'll miss the huge master and balcony, but upgrading to a place that is yours makes all the difference.  It was a good home.

So that is another milestone achieved.  What is funny is that a comment I continue to get from different people is, "Now you just need a wife."  It makes me laugh every time.  I'll keep my witty retorts to myself, but I don't think it works that way.

bistro set