Her First Half Marathon

"Whenever anyone asked if I had a goal time, I said no. This was my first half and I just wanted to complete it. That was a lie, of course. Everyone, no matter what he says, has a goal time, even if it's vague." - Marc Parent

I have seven wonderful nieces and nephews.  I'd like to share a story about my oldest niece Rebekkah.  Though the story is about Rebekkah's first half marathon, it is really about my second half marathon with Bekkah.  Bekkah is 20 and the daughter of my sister Veronica. As is apparent in my recent entries, I have taken up the hobby of running.  It has been a challenge that I am very much enjoying and that I'm working really hard at.  Surprising to me, it has actually inspired family and friends alike to get back into running  as well. I can only imagine that if they see me, a person who was not a fan of running, doing it, that they know anyone could do it.

After my first half marathon in November, my niece Bekkah started running more consistently as an addition to a year of putting in time at the gym and eating healthier.  As a reward for her hard work, I got her an entry into the 3M Half Marathon in Austin that was going to happen in January 2013.   Considering she had a very strong base already, I gave her a 6 week training plan to help her get ready for the race.  I was impressed how how diligently she stuck to the plan and how much faster than me she was in completing her runs. It pays to be in shape kids.

By the time the race came along, I was confident that Bekkah was more than ready.  The only real question would be what time she would finish in.  I, on the other hand, had been dealing with assorted injuries that kept me from training.  I felt like each time I felt good enough to run, I would come back from that run upsetting the injury again. I had problems walking and my knees ached. It was a mix of too much too soon, not being in good enough shape yet, eating the wrong foods, doing the proper stretching and most likely the wrong shoes for my running type.

I could have sat out the race been a good uncle and just cheered for Bekkah, but that wasn't the plan, the plan was for us to run it together.  So I did everything I could to try and get as healthy as possible for the race.  I went to a chiropractor for the first time, a massage therapist for the first time, a doctor to evaluate my knee, a personal trainer to strengthen my legs and core and I rested as much as I could.  The resting part, though the part I'm usually the best at, was the hardest because I wanted to run more. It was time I started to be more healthy since I still had many leaks in that department.

Come race day I was not sure if I would be able to run, but I felt hopeful that I felt fine walking, which alone had been difficult the day before.  I put on my knee brace on my troubled knee and we headed out to the race before 5 am for a 6:45 a.m. start.  It was freezing, like windshield in the 20s as we arrived at around 5:30am.  I was also not wearing enough layers and was unprepared for such weather.  I still had no clue if I would be able to run, but the idea of being out in the cold just waiting and watching seemed worse in my mind than at least trying.  Rebekkah was very excited as we neared the starting line and I was very proud of her.  My only advice was not to stop, but to be careful. I also shared the importance of staying hydrated.  I told her that I might not be able to make it, but that it is more important to try and fail than to decide you will fail and just not try at all.  I was hoping to show that lesson by example while not being the poster child for making a pre-existing injury worse by pushing too hard and being too stubborn.  It's a fine edge between the two.  I had a knee brace under my tights and another knee brace over.  My left foot was taped and I had no laces over the injured tendon from the week before.  I was also in my old running shoes as the new ones with more support had not been properly broken in. 

After the gun shoots, starting the race, we cross the start line and I wait for her to go ahead so that she can find her own pace, a pace faster than mine on a good day.  I start running and within the first twenty seconds my knee just hurt too much, my left foot was aching and I had to pee super bad even though I had just peed twice in the hour before.  So I take off the outer knee brace and take a few more steps and that doesn't help.  Then I say fuck it to myself, and run to the side of the road, find some bushes and take a piss while I try to figure out a plan.  I felt shameless but couldn't care less and no one there probably did either.  The weird thing is that I started to feel better and now had a plan.  I decided that I shouldn't try new things on race day, so I lower my internal knee brace to my ankle (essentially taking it off) leaving my knee bear since I can't fully remove it without removing my tights.  I start to run and don't expect to last long, but my race was now truly beginning.

I still feel pretty bad and haven't really gotten too far from the start line with still 13 miles to go.  I try to figure out what I'm going to do since there was a lot of distance (the entire race) to cover.  Then I remember, every time I run I feel like I want to quit for the first two miles.  I just hate it, my body tells me to quit and is pissed I'm doing this to it.  But after two miles it just accepts its fate and everything changes and I can run and that is when I really start to enjoy it.  So I thought, why not apply that today.  I'll just go two miles and if I can do that and still feel terrible, I'll call it and know I gave it my best.  After mile one, for no real reason, things started to get normal, then when I hit 2 miles, I was like shit, I might be able to do this thing.  Now it seemed crazy I was saying that at mile 2 since there was a lot to go, but I just knew it. 

Then to make things more interesting, my pace was much much faster than I had been training at (including the time I lost at the start to go and pee/think).  It was still hard and my knee still hurt, but not the way it hurt the day before just to walk when I was in bed with ice packs and medicine.  I was so impressed with my lungs as my cardio was more than prepared for this.  I feel like the next 10 miles just flew by with little effort.  Right before the mile 13 marker, my calves started cramping up. I've had calf cramp issues since my first hard football practice my before my freshman year in high school.  Those cramps really hurt and all I could think was if I crossed the finish line by having to walk it would all not count to me.  So I just kept running, scampering almost, trying to run through it, knowing if I pushed too hard the cramps would really kick in.  I had forgot my salt packets because I changed water belts back to my old belt and forgot to move them too.  I wanted to sprint at the end as I do with most of my runs, but I didn't because I didn't want to risk more cramps.  As I crossed the finish line with what would be my worse photo finish ever, wearing a size too large t-shirt and a jacket tied around my waist, I felt accomplished.  My brother, his wife Ashley, and Bekkah were there waiting and cheering.  It felt great to have met that challenge.  It felt even better seeing my time of 2:34 which although 34 mins slower than my half goal, was 30 mins faster than my first one I did and I was fighting off an injury.  Bekkah had crossed at 2:13 and didn't stop at all.  She ran a great race and I knew it was just the beginning for her. I was very proud of her and enjoyed hearing about her first experience and how happy she felt.  When I think of her as a little girl, I just never would have imagined this day, maybe because I couldn't ever see myself as wanting to do something like this.

I imagine that the cold had to be good on the inflammation of my injuries, but that is just conjecture.  Also, I did have a shot from 4 days before that was supposed to ease the pain and though it didn't feel like it helped much as I still hurt, that might have been when it kicked in.  Either way it all worked out and I was happy it did.

I tried to cool down and stretch, but it was super cold again now that I wasn't running.  As I tried to get into my brother's car, I got a terrible cramp in my calf.  It was funny because it made me yell, but I just kept asking for a second for it to pass.  Bekkah had salt packets and those stupid little things really do make a difference as I took those in and drank more water.  It was my last cramp of the adventure.  More training and better nutrition will solve that problem in the future. I still felt a lot better than I did after my first half marathon.

So long story short, I finished my second half marathon and did better than I expected to do when I planned to do it healthy.  I didn't injure myself worse based on how good I felt in the days post race and Bekkah enjoyed it so much she came home and signed up another half marathon in February.

Here is Bekkah with her first finisher medal.  I look forward to the many more to come.

So now my niece Bekkah, my brother Abram, and I are running the Livestrong Austin Half Marathon in February.  I'm excited and I want to get healthy enough to beat my previous time.   Who knows, maybe I'll even give Bekkah a run for her money this time.

I accepted that my original marathon plan was a bit too ambitious, though I do believe I could do it if I had to, but the cost would be not running for a long time after due to injuries I would be sure to upset.  So I moved my first full marathon from February to June in San Diego.  It might still be a bit too soon, but I'm going to do it.   There is no question that I will complete at least one marathon in 2013.  When I do this and it will truly be a couch to marathon story.  The real question will be whether I can avoid it also being a marathon to couch story too.  

After the 3M Race, Bekkah and I were treated to lunch by her uncle Ruben who might be joining Bekkah in a race in the not so distant future.  He came all the way from San Antonio in the coldest of weather just to support his niece. That is a one supportive uncle.  Bekkah was so happy to have him there too. 

So now I'm trying to keep good habits.  I'm trying to rest and heal up while still being active.  My body feels constantly sore from my personal training sessions and my Spring half marathon running class is keeping me motivated.  I'm getting monthly massages, seeing a chiropractor and trying to eat better.  I must say, the running group class, an idea I was initially opposed to, is what has given me the most motivation. The people in there are really great and it makes the experience fun.  There is more to come.

the right shoes

Fresh Start

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." - Closing Time, Semisonic

The Christmas holidays are my favorite time of year.  This year, like almost every year, I went home to the Rio Grande Valley to spend time with my family.  The trip was mostly uneventful, but included the usual family time and Christmas festivities.  My brother Abram and his wife Ashley were not able to make it down this year, but we included them on the opening of the Christmas presents via Skype.  It worked out better than expected, but my sister Ana told Abram and Ashley that they'd better not get too used to it.

During the Christmas season, I enjoy the process of getting family presents and making an effort to try and get people something that fits them rather than just something for the sake of being a gift.  I do often fail in that endeavor, but I do try.  I wonder if part of the enjoyment has to do with the presents I get for myself along the way.

Christmas passed, as did my 33rd birthday.  I must say, I have had better birthdays, but I've had far worse. The day itself was great, but when reality and expectations do not meet, you tend to be somewhat disappointed.  New Years ended up being more special than I expected, but there were no grand celebrations. 
 
Now another year has started, filled with hope, goals and good intentions.  2012 was a stellar year by all accounts; career wise, personal accomplishments, new experiences, new friendships, electoral results, all the beautiful weddings I attended and the excitement of new engagements.  Life is never so one sided and the year also had its low points from personal pain, losing loved ones, fall outs, heart breaks and false starts. The year was filled with life lessons, some I had to learn over again, and some self discovery as well.  As a whole though, it was a great and memorable year. It felt like one of those years you look back upon as a turning point.

This new year is less about resolutions for me and more about keeping up with what I have been doing this past year.  Going to gym during my lunch break, being part of a running group, making time to spend with my friends, making time to travel, trying new things and meeting new people.  I even go to a personal trainer twice a week, have done yoga a few times and am more willing to go to the doctor when I'm sick or have an injury.

My goals for this year remain pretty similar to those of the past, which a few exceptions.  I have vowed to myself that I'm going to finish a marathon in 2013 and am currently signed up for the San Diego Marathon in June (with many shorter half marathon races along the way.)  I want to focus on having less clutter in my life and letting go of things I no longer need or don't use.  I want to put more time in with my friends and social relationships.  I have a lot of friends in some great places that I want to visit this year.  I will admit that I have no clue what I want when it comes to the romantic part of my life.  I often fall prey to what I think I want only to find out that it is always changing. That I'm just not going to worry about as much this year.

Recently, as I was looking back at at some old blog entries and I found an entry that I wrote about three years ago that discussed my thoughts on relationships and some of my other musings on the topic.  It was interesting to go back and re-read the entry in light of the years that have transpired since. It helped me put heart breaks of the past in perspective and made me think of the times I may have been too callous with other people's hearts. Most times when you look back, you think, "Man was I naive then."  In this case, I felt like I may have been wiser then than I am now.

I would like to consider myself a rational person.  I tend to believe things that are supported by evidence, based in fact and that are reproducible. For example, I don't believe in soul mates or "the one," and think that we can be compatible to different degrees with many people. It does not mean that I am not a proponent of love, probably the opposite, and do think that the goal is finding a person you are only most compatible with, but more importantly, that you are also very much enamored with.  Maybe I'm just too polyamorous for the idea that we are looking for a needle in the haystack.  One thing that I do believe in, which feels contrary to what I would expect, is the idea of "love at first sight."

Now don't get me wrong, I didn't say "relationship compatibility at first sight," "unconditional love," or even "lust at first sight," I simply believe in the idea of "love at first sight."  Maybe because the first time I see a person is the most important to me and is when I feel like I just know.  The love that grows after that moment as your relationship matures does eclipse it I agree, but just because it can get better from that moment doesn't mean it wasn't there and wasn't real.

Let's take a second to distinguish this from lust at first sight, which is what most people attribute this to.  Yes, attraction has a lot to do with it, but for me that is something completely different.  I'd fall in love countless times a day if I was only talking about attraction or "lust at first sight." The world is filled with beautiful attractive people and love would mean nothing if you loved them all based solely for those reasons.  There is just something different or special added to the experience that I can't exactly explain.

It is different every time, but it happens so rarely that it makes a big impression.  In this case, I knew it the second she walked in the room, the skipping of a beat, a smile I had felt like I had known forever.  She was so beautiful that it physically hurt to look at her, it was like staring into the sun. It was all about her face and though she was obscured in way that I wouldn't get to really see her until much later, her presence shown through.

I wanted nothing else more than to get to know her and tried to brush away these feelings.  Life provided some good fortune and get got to know each other.  We hit it off in a way that you always hoped your story would begin. When we first talked it felt like we had known each other for years and the time passed without even realizing it. There were concerns and red flags that would normally make me more defensive, but I was confident that who she was outweighed it all. It had been a long time since I had felt this way, and there had been opportunities. The moment we first kissed I was certain I was smitten and there was just this natural chemistry that makes most to me.  She had a scent that filled your lungs with peace and her skin that was perfectly soft to the touch.  I could hold her hand without even thinking about it and could get lost in her eyes and smile.

Having read this description, your assumption that I was doomed is well fitting.  Of course you can't idealize a person you haven't really gotten to know yet.  I really did try to keep those unrealistic expectations to the side as I focused on the matter the matter of actually getting to know her as a person apart from the idealizing that happened in my mind.  This time I decided to try a new approach and make an effort to live in the moment and take everything day by day not worrying about the future or what things meant. I didn't want to be tied to the outcome and make sure I continued on my own path. This is very much unlike me, but it was the only way that made sense.  This went very well at first and though this allowed me to worry less and enjoy myself more, it also made the eventual heartbreak that much more piercing.  There are things you just don't do when dating that instantly dull the chemistry, but they feel so natural that they are hard to resist.  Despite lessons from the past, I stopped fighting this urge and I didn't care about the potential consequences since it felt so good to want more.  The best way I can compare it to is when you are eating well and you see that slice of pizza or junk food.  You know all the consequences, yet somehow you find yourself enjoying it anyway.  Naturally, it played out like it should, especially when you throw in various other factors that were at play. 

It was a flash in a pan.  Such a short period of time that all of this seems highly unwarranted. She never really got to know me, and if I'm honest with myself, I never got to know who she really was behind all her kindness.  The moments were special to me and were heightened by my focus on just enjoying each moment without expectation of another.  I even changed in a way I didn't expect to, learned things about myself and what I wanted that I didn't know.  Even now I can't believe how much I looked forward to buying eye drops or a Christmas tree ornament. I also saw parts of myself that I was unhappy with, things I haven't got right yet.  Holding too tight when I should have relaxed, wanting too much too soon.  I wasn't as jaded or detached as I previously been with other people, but it did not provide much solace in the end. 

I'm terrible at letting go, always have been.  I'm, though, great at walking away or getting out of the way. It is what it is.  You keep moving forward and trust that time will resolve what your mind can't. Perception rarely matches reality, and in this case the two are very disproportional.  You can't pick how you start your new year, but you can pick how you take it on. The good news is that you also start to look around and sometimes you see that there are other special moments and important people that surround you.  That is a focus worth having.

just a simple thoughtful card