Always On Hiatus

Trivial

2012-01-30T16:50:00.001-06:00

"Why is it trivia? People call it trivia because they know nothing and they are embarrassed about it." - Robbie Coltrane

On Saturday, I attended a bar trivia contest called Geeks Who Drink, well more specifically, Geek Bowl VI. There were approximately 146 teams consisting of six members a piece competing in eight rounds of trivia while we drank beer. It ended up being a pretty cool high school reunion, where I competed with Rick, Brad, and Ita who went to high school with me. Rick's friend Cindy also joined in the fun. We kept losing our 6th player and in the end we just decided to compete with 5. The name of our team was “Quiz in my Pants.”They sat us next to "Quizzed in my Pants." We were pretty sure that we had no shot, so we decided to enjoy our time and our beer. It was quite the pageant, which included a dance-off, comedy and the Team America National Anthem "Fuck Yeah."

Once the competition started, we were actually doing a lot better than we expected. There was a point early on when we really thought we had a shot at the $7000 of prize money. We did really well at the music round and the movie round.I had a great time and think I might actually try bar trivia again considering the good experience. Some of my favorite memories of the night included conversations about wedding cakes and gorillas. Here is our team below:

This weekend is Super Bowl Sunday and my dad is coming to town to visit and watch the game. I am not sure who to cheer for. Last time the Giants played the Patriots I cheered for the Giants because they were such an underdog. They ended up winning and this year we are once again a huge underdog. I think I'm going to cheer for them again. No matter who plays, I always enjoy a good Superbowl party.

This weekend I started going through old summer camp photos from when I was a kid and by kid I mean my late Jr. high and early high school years. I met some very remarkable people from other states at these summer nerd camps and I used to keep up with a lot of them by writing letters. This was before the Internet and Facebook so it didn't take long before we drifted apart. I have a handful of friends that I was able to reconnect with later in life either through keeping up, Facebook or running randomly into each other. I always seemed to have a Grease-like summer girlfriend or crushes at these camps that will always hold a special place in my heart. It was probably my first introduction to how impossible long distance relationships could be.

As I went through the pictures, so many memories came back to the surface, and so many people I'd totally forgotten about. I wonder how they are doing now. It would be great to see how everyone turned out.I don't know most of their last names and it would be a bit weird to contact someone via Facebook 17 years later. I will say, how very lucky I was to be able to attend these summer camps. I learned so many important lessons from being on my own, living in a dorm, forming social relationships with people I just met, and being able to reinvent myself with new people. Also, it was a lot of fun. It was the last time I played capture the flag.

It was also the first time I had left South Texas and found myself in places where people were predominately white. It was probably the first time I felt different yet I was able to form friendships with a diverse group of people. It really reenforced the idea that everyone is the same and should be judged by their character. At one camp called JBA, we would have these dances. I didn't dance in real life, but I danced my heart out at summer camps. I remember making them play one of my Spanish songs. --- Taking a step back, Saturday I was listening to music on my computer when "Me Estoy Enamorado" by La Mafia started playing. It brought on my trip down memory lane. --- So I had them play this song at the dance so that I could slow dance with a girl I liked. I don't remember who I was dancing with, but I remember that it felt great. Anytime I hear Counting Crows, Hootie and Blowfish or Green Day Dookie, it brings back those memories too.

At one camp, we took a day trip to a water park and even until today, it was probably the most fun at a water park I have ever had. Those camps also got me in the habit of blogging/journaling. The first time I left, I had a friend from home that I would write letters to each day telling her about everything that was going. The next year I started writing letters again and decided to just keep the letters as a journal so that I could remember what happened. From then on out, I started journaling when I want on trips. I need to find those journals, which I might actually have somewhere in my parent's attic. As you can tell, at some point during college, that habit became this blog.

good memories

A Good Start

2012-01-26T09:41:00.000-06:00

"Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever." -Mark Twain

Ok, I think I figured out how to network my blog and Facebook. I did kind of like it in the notes section better, but I guess I'll test this out and see how or if it works. I know, exciting stuff.

The new year has started well. We are almost a month in and since I didn't make any resolutions, I'm happy to say that I haven't failed to keep any. Though, if I were to be honest, had I made any, I probably would have violated each one by now.

Work has kept me busy and has been particularly interesting. I've also started to take on a lot of small projects around my house that I have been putting off. I still haven't found a final setup for organizing my computer room/office, but I'm working on it. I'm still trying to sell off some old items that are just taking up space to clear up some room in my garage. I've spent a lot of time working on organizing my iTunes music library on my computer, but I don't know why since I seem to listen to the radio more than music on my iPhone/iPod. I ran into a few mix cds I had from college and that inspired to me to put some playlists together and discover some new music. I used to love making mix-tapes (well mix-cds). It was like you were creating this emotional journey and even listening to them now brings back sometimes great and sometimes sad memories. Austin is the live music capital of the world and I need to be taking advantage of it more. The first step is to get more up to date on what it out there beyond the Top 40 stuff.

One or my project goals for the first half of the year is to finally get another full sized bed for my guestroom so that friends can have a more comfortable place to stay when they are in Austin. I had one temporarily in there, but my goal is to make it one of those rooms where it looks like a ghost lives there, but that doubles as a great place for someone to feel at home. I'm starting to really enjoy having my own house, but there always seems to be so much to do. Also, a reminder to any of my friends, if you are ever in Austin, you have a place to stay.

Now that I have adequately buried the lead, I have great news. Adding to the 2012 year of love theme, another friend of mine has joined the bandwagon of getting married. One of my best friends from college Herbert is getting married in April in California. I am ecstatic at the news and have been looking forward to this news for quite some time. Seriously, 3 weddings in the month of April is a bit much. When Herbert and I talked about the news, we could not believe that it has now been 10 years since we graduated college. College! 10 Years! Time really flies, but is great to see how far my friends have come, both professionally and personally. I'm so very proud of all of them. I have one more friend from college that I think might pop the question this year as well, but I shouldn't get ahead of myself.

Life has been very quiet. I feel like I have been on hiatus, but I don't know from what. I have all my travel plans set for Puerto Rico, but that is still some time away. Wicked has started playing in Austin again, but since I have already seen it, I don't have plans to see it again. I have been itching to see a play or musical. I had really wanted to see Spring Awakening, but I missed it again when it was in Austin in September, probably because I was distracted. I saw the preview episode for the new show on NBC called Smash. It looks like it is going to be great.

Because 2011 was somewhat of an emotional roller coaster, right now I think I'm okay with just walking around the park enjoying the sights, hey, maybe I'll even take in a show. The thing is that you can't walk past Magic Mountain and not want to get in line, so I'm sure it is only a matter of time. It is probably worth it waiting for one you will really enjoy. I also should focus on keeping away from that food court. Sometimes it is nice to take the time to stop and remember that it is great to live in a theme park.

Florida

End of the Year

2011-12-31T20:58:00.000-06:00

"A friend to all is a friend to none." - Aristotle

This is my 600th post. How crazy is that? And that only includes the entries after I moved from hosting my own site manually to Blogger. I can't believe I have kept a blog all these years (since 1999) and always go through these moments where I question why I keep one to begin with. I don't think it is only hubris, but there is something cathartic about putting your thoughts down when you have a lot of things on your mind. I'm sure a private journal would also suffice, but this outlet makes it feel more real. It is also an outlet that I often find myself in need of.

Now that Facebook has stopped automatic updates to my notes section when I post an entry, I haven't decided if I manually want to update my Facebook with my blog entries or keep this separate. Before, the update was automatic, so even if I drafted something I felt was too personal for FB, it posted it on its own anyway, so I didn't think much about it. My last few entries I haven't posted to FB, so keeping this separate is probably what I will do, even though less people will get to see it. The technicalities aside, I'm still thinking about it.

I kind of jumped the gun and made my previous entry my year in review entry, so I'll focus more on my holiday season. I got off of work for Christmas on Friday the 23rd and went home to the Valley to visit my family. My brother Abram couldn't make it because he went to spend Christmas with his fiance's family in Dallas. The idea of our family Christmas one day branching off into separate family Christmases is still hard to imagine, but that is the way of things. For now, we will all still gather together at my parents house.

I took my dogs with me on my trip and they behaved great except for the part where they covered my car in mud. It was raining during the trip and I wanted to make sure they got a chance to use the restroom when I stopped, but I had trouble controlling two wet dogs. I saw my cat Maddie at my mom's house and she had grown so much bigger during this past year. It was good to see and visit with my family during the break. I usually make an effort to visit friends and try to hang out while I am down, but I was down for such a short period of time, that I didn't get to. That is starting to happen more often than not and is something I need to work on.

Christmas was generally very nice. Nothing out of the ordinary. The family got together and opened presents and the kids had their fun. The siblings did a gift exchange which worked great. I got to visit more with all my nieces and nephews, though we had all spent Thanksgiving together so a lot of time hadn't passed. I tried to engage them in a discussion on agnosticism, but other than really frustrating my mom, I don't think I made much headway. You would think that, "I don't know" would be an easy framework to approach such lofty issues. That part was fun. Here are some photos from the trip I took with my new camera that I bought for myself for Christmas. http://www.flickr.com/photos/hyadus/sets/72157628611181755/ There is this one video I took of my niece Celeste singing that really made my Christmas.

I had to come back to Austin on the 26th for work and ended up working during the week that I had scheduled to be off. I was able to take a half day on my birthday, the 27th, but did go to work for the first time in my life on that day. My birthday didn't really feel much like a birthday, my brother came over, we had a beer and I spent the rest of my time with my thoughts instead of out with my friends. It was what I needed this year I think.

I was pleasantly overwhelmed by the people that wished me happy birthday, especially on Facebook. I know it can be a facebook reflex at times, but it meant a lot to me and really made my day to know that even for that small time that I was thought of. Time is one of those things where no matter how hard you try to hold on to it, it always feels like it is slipping away.

When I moved down from DC in 2007, I stored a lot of boxes at my mom's house and now that I have my own house, I tried to bring back as much stuff as I could. I collect a lot of things and some of the boxes I call my "boxes of memories." I'm talking about every movie ticket stub from ever date I went on in high school, college photos and books, old letters, cards, pictures and stuffed animals I was given as gifts. One day I plan to go through them and throw out most of the clutter in those boxes, but I sometimes have the problem of revisiting old memories with longing and sometimes it is easier not to think about them.

A lot of things have changed this year and the true test is how I come out on the other side. I'm writing this on New Year's Eve and even though I usually try to do something big for New Years, this year, I decided not to temp fate by being out on the roads and instead spent it reflecting on my year and thinking about what my goals are going to be for the following year. I know this wasn't exciting or entirely upbeat, but sometimes life isn't always upbeat. Nevertheless, it doesn't change my eternal optimism to have a great and wonderful 2012. I think a lot of great things are in store.

what do I want?

A Tale of Two Years

2011-12-21T11:04:00.000-06:00

"The difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is how you use them." – Unknown

I've purposefully shied away from posting entries these past few months for a variety of personal reasons that stemmed, for the most part, from not knowing what to say. As this is one of my last entries of the year, it probably makes sense to take stock of the year in review. This year has proven to be both an epic year of accomplishment while at the same time, a year of trials and tribulations. The latter half of the year has been vastly different than the first part of the year, to the point where I even feel like a different person. Sometimes in life things are just out of your control and I have never accepted that kindly. It is hard to just wait and see how external factors are going to affect the trajectory of your life.

Let me start with the first half of 2011. The year started off just like one would hope a new year would start. I became more healthy, started to run more and I made an sustained effort to spend more time with friends. I had friends move to town and I spent a lot of time focusing on my goal of getting into my first home. When I met that goal, I was very proud and very happy. I got a lot more of my fiances in order and really hit my stride at work. I may have yet to meet the right person romantically, but I had my share of good dates and really enjoyed myself. I rediscovered old passions, tried some new things and really tested my belief system. I even made new friends, caught up with old friends and I finally got to visit San Diego for the first time, which proved to be as great as I had hoped. I also picked up sailing, got a new tv and generally felt optimistic.

Now it isn't as black and white as the first part/second part of the year, but there were things in the latter part of the year that started to act like body punches or setbacks whose sheer number started to affect me. I ran into some problems with a few good friends which made me think I might better cope by taking some time to myself. I dealt with the poignant news of at least three people I have formerly dated getting married, in which your rational genuine best wishes run into your irrational emotional aches. Then you throw on top of that difficult and selfish decisions that although I don't regret them, I have no excuse for. As the year wore on, I became comparatively less social and regressed to my former less-than-healthy habits and paid their toll. There were other struggles with more complex layers that I won't go into, but I'll leave this note as a reminder to myself of them. It just felt like the trajectory changed and I was too busy experiencing the problems than trying to pick myself up and rebuild. Life is by no means gloomy, but compared to the great start of the year, it was starting to feel like an uphill battle. I don't like that I just retreated into my routine. Then you start dealing with the bigger questions like love and kids and I worry that I might be too selfish to want to start a family one day. Maybe it is all the weddings I've been to and interacting with my friends and cousins who are now parents. I have a lot of inventory I need to take.

So, as the year comes to a close and I'm about to be one year older and celebrate another birthday, I feel like a boxer barely standing dazed listening to standing 8 count. Either I'm going to get back in and fight through the cobwebs making a dramatic comeback or I'm about to get knocked out by what is probably not that impressive of a punch. I'm at about count 6 right now and I feel like the waning days of the year are my last two counts before I must get back in the ring.

Now I recognize the melodramatic-ness of painting a year--which I admit has been full of blessings--as ending on such a melancholy note, but the stark contrast from the beginning to now is what highlights things for me. I'm usually so much more positive and optimistic and come armed with a plan, goals and efforts on being a better person going forward, but right now, I'm still in the taking it in and trying to figure it out stage. At least I have passed the trying not to think about it stage.

There is something inspiring about the thought that today, the winter solstice, is the darkest day of the year and from this day on out it just gets brighter. But now as the new year approaches, I have a lot to look forward to and I am genuinely excited. My brother and two good friends are getting married to wonderful women. I have a trip planned to Puerto Rico in the spring, and I know that I've learned some important lessons this year. I'm starting to feel more free to embrace being agnostic while not fully giving up the irrational belief that everything is always going to work out. Though it has made me less patient when I so often get the lazy advice that God has a plan or will take care of everything, I don't discount the well intention. I feel confident that no matter what theology one judges me under, that the way I live my life is just as noble. I am looking forward to Christmas not for any religious meaning, nor the pagan traditions of trees and wreaths, or even for the commercialized need for shopping, Santa, elves, snowman stories or Christmas music, but for a time I get to spend with family. It is probably just what I needed. I wish everyone a Happy Holidays.

birthday

Rino and Jess

2011-11-29T09:45:00.001-06:00

"It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married." - Robert Frost

This Thanksgiving weekend, my cousin Rino got married here in Austin to his fiance Jessica. I was very happy for them and it was a beautiful wedding. It also served as a family reunion of sorts and I enjoyed visiting with all family on my mother's side. It was a memorable occasion.

My cousin Rino and I were born seven days apart and lived about an hour away from me growing up. We spent a lot of time at my grandmother's house. There were many male cousins in our age group including Adam, Isra, Mario, Abram and myself. Adam, Rino and myself spent a lot of time together as kids getting into all kinds of trouble, but we also made things, broke things and various projects that involved fire.

When I think about what it means to be a cousin, Rino comes to mind. Rino and I have this birthday tradition where on December 27th he gives me a dollar and on January 2nd, I give it back to him. At one point we even framed the dollar and just exchanged the frame. Even though we played a lot as kids, we didn't really catch up as adults until I moved back to Austin in 2007. By then he had already met Jessica and it is hard to picture them any other way than together. I feel like I got to know Jessica pretty well when Rino lived with me at our house in Buda.

You know, I get ahead of myself. I'll take a step back and talk about the entire holiday weekend.

This year my immediate family had Thanksgiving at my new home. It felt nice being able to host a holiday. My father came into town before everyone else on that Tuesday so that we would have time to visit. He helped me install the two ceiling fans that I bought for my house. I was very happy with the way they turned out, but too bad I won't really get to enjoy their benefits until the spring. The next wave of the gang showed up on Wednesday. This included my niece Rebekkah, my mom, my sister Eliza, her daughters Tori and Celeste, and Gil. Abram and Ashley helped prepare the turkey for Thanksgiving and I wasn't too involved in the food preparation other than enjoying everyone's good work. We had a lot of family time, visited and of course, got to watch some football. It was nice to have everyone together although my sister Ana and her kids didn't get to show up until Friday.

I didn't do any Black Friday shopping unless you count a new camera that I bought for myself online. Friday we had the rehearsal for Rino and Jessica's wedding. The church was nice, over 100 years old, with a very kind pastor. The groomsmen consisted of Rino's cousins, so we were all pretty close. The bridesmaids were nice and having known Jessica for some time now, I had either met or knew most of them. I was not a big fan of the wedding planner, she meant well, but was a bit too condescending for my tastes. I also couldn't understand how or why she could still have an original iPhone. 3G maybe I could understand, but the original? We were instructed like petulant kids not to chew gum, and not to lock our knees for fear of fainting. I will say I was honored to be able to stand next to the best man, Rino's cousin Vince.

After the rehearsal, we went to the rehearsal dinner where we were greeted with unlimited pizza and beer. Had Thanksgiving not been the day before, I think I would've taken greater advantage of the situation. This was the first time I really got to sit and talk to my cousin Adam, his wife Kirby and relatively newborn daughter Kali. Something changes in a person when they become a parent I think, they just seem so much more responsible and grounded. His daughter looked just like him and he called her as a nickname the Spanish word for monkey. My cousin Israel was also there with his wife and his, also what I would consider relatively newborn, son Mateo. His son looked a lot like my grandfather and also reminded me of myself as a baby, which made it easy to like him. Seriously, there were babies and kids everywhere, including my cousin Vanessa's newborn daughter. I want to make clear, when I use the word newborn, I just mean less than a year old since that is the best I can do in trying to understand the age of the baby without actually trying to keep up.

Friday night, now that my sister Ana and her three kids, Andrew, Michael, Sarah and my cousin Alex and her two daughters were over at my house, we played board games in my living room. We played the game Gestures, which is just a form of charades that I actually remember playing with my older sister when I was a kid. It was a very fun time, though I still have to say that Taboo is my favorite game. I had at least 12 people staying over that night and it was like a little refugee camp, but in a good way that it created the atmosphere for a lot of bonding. It reminded me how has a kid we would all stay at my grandmother's house for Christmas and it never felt like there were too many people.

Saturday was the big wedding day. I put on my tuxedo, which included suspenders, something I had never worn before. I can see why Larry King likes them so much. I'm not usually a fan of brown, but I think they were nice. I got to the church early to meet up with the rest of the groomsmen and take some pictures. I don't often chew gum, but I decided to chew gum that day. A fellow groomsmen may or may not have brought with him a bottle of Crown of which I for one enjoyed. I got to see the bride before the wedding, Jessica had on a very pretty white dress that she looked very nice in. I can only imagine how hard it is to shop for a wedding dress. I've been to my fair share weddings recently, but this is the first wedding in a while where I really knew the bride well as opposed to mainly the groom. Rino's nephew Sebastian was the honorary ringbearer and looked adorable.

It was now time for the wedding, the pews were filled with family and friends and I walked out with my corresponding bridesmaid to find our place. The actual wedding is kind of a blur, but what I remember was the happy expressions on the bride and groom's faces. The two moments I most vividly recall were when they exchanged rings and how they almost kissed before it was time. It was a very nice ceremony and I hope everything that the bride and groom imagined.

Then it was time for the reception. My housemate Norbert worked the bar. I thought the DJ played good music and a lot of time was spent visiting with family I had not seen in quite some time. We don't have family reunions, but family weddings seem to serve this purpose perfectly. But what I will say, was that the comment, "so when are you getting married?" seemed to come a lot more often on this occasion. It normally doesn't bother me, and I know this is a common issue for single people my age, but it also seems to come with unsaid assumptions or insinuations that can be awkward. This was extremely apparent when it came time for the garter toss. There was only a handful of us standing up there, and when you take away the teenagers and the people in unmarried relationships, there was 2 or 3 of us. As the garter flew towards me, in what felt like slow-motion, I figured I wouldn't be a jerk and move and instead I would just catch it and accept my fate. This thought process was short-lived, as an older gentleman who I didn't see behind me, pushed me out of the way and lurched for the garter. He seemed so very happy and proud as if somehow this really meant that he would be getting married next. I was happy for him and still remain garter-less in the weddings I have attended.

The rest the night was spent drinking, dancing and talking with family. They had a photo booth, which is starting to become a staple at most weddings, that everyone found to be very enjoyable including myself. I still don't get the stupid mustache thing but hopefully that hipster trend will fade over time. I enjoyed some debates about the idea of having a "no kids" wedding in a family with as many kids as mine has. This can stir quite the emotions I must say. Here are my photos from the event: http://www.flickr.com/photos/hyadus/sets/72157628393337905/

The night ended with sparklers and a send off. I'm very happy for Rino and Jessica and since they have always been a team for as long as I've known them as adults, I look for to see them embark on this next stage together.

As far as weddings go, 2012 already has 3 more lined up. My friend Rick's, my friend Oscar's and my brother Abram's. It is shaping up to be a good year.

books

Splitting Image

2011-10-29T16:23:00.000-05:00

"There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: twins." -Josh Billings

I have always found identical twins interesting. As a kid I always wondered what it would be like if I had a twin sibling, well that and being left handed....and how cool it would be to fly, but I digress. How crazy would it be for there to be another person who looked just like me, with the same genetic information, but still a completely different person. The closest I could use to compare was that I was lucky enough to have many siblings including one brother, but the idea of twin I didn't know about crossed my mind.

I haven't personally known too many pairs of identical twins in my life, but I have known some. In Junior high, there was a girl, who I hate to say I don't remember her name, that was a twin that had a crush on me, or so said her letter. I remember thinking that I really wished I liked her cause how cool is it that she was a twin. I never really got to know her though as we went to different schools. My sophomore year in high school I met a girl who was a few grades older than me and was also a twin. We became good friends and it was the first time I started seeing twins as two separate individuals rather than as one entity. I grew to know her well in a short time, but I didn't know her sister very much at all. They had different personalities from what I could tell and my childhood preconceptions were being shattered or more appropriately educated the more I got to talk to her. The cool thing was how rarely it actually came up. I remember thinking that it was weird that I was just good friends with one of them, but not both. It didn't take long to realize how much that didn't make sense and in retrospect, I feel silly having thought things like that.

That same year I also became friends with another girl who was a twin and this time she was younger than me. I got to know both her and her sister, but grew much closer to one. She was probably the person that taught me the most about how everyone is their own unique individual and the effects of viewing people as a pair. I also got to observe the bond that some twins have. It doesn't take long to get past all the childish questions, but they were so much fun to ask. Can you read each other's minds? do you feel each other's pain? how did they not mix you up as kids? who is older? How do people tell you apart? Have you guys ever pretended to be each other? etc. This is actually in a small way similar my experience with one of my first openly gay friends where I was able to get out all my silly questions upfront and then just get to know them as a person after. I always enjoyed trying to tell identical twins apart. There were other twins in my school, but I just didn't know them as well.

I always thought that when I was ready to have kids, how great would it be if I had twins. It is a random comment I have made to family and friends. Yeah, I assume it would make the whole raising a baby thing twice as hard, but in the end you would have two kids in the same time it would take to raise one, though the effort and expense would probably also double. Maybe I view raising a child as such an enormous undertaking that I'd rather get two out of the way at once rather than have to go through it twice. Considering that I've waited to get married or have kids it would also let me have a bigger family than I might otherwise have had.

The thing is that twins don't run in my family, so the chances are low, unless I married a person who had twins in their family. I'm not completely knowledgeable about the science, but that is how I generally understand it. I also remember the adage, be careful what you wish for. I probably haven't thought much about this since I was much younger, but it has recently come to mind and it brought back a lot of memories. Twins are rare, which is what makes them interesting.

shellfish

Apple II

2011-10-12T16:54:00.000-05:00

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart." - Steve Jobs

I found out last Wednesday that Steve Jobs had passed away. I wasn't surprised, but I was still sad to hear the news. I was never a big Apple person, but I do own an iPhone, MacBook and iPad, so I guess I'm more of an Apple person than I thought. Steve Jobs was pretty inspiring and makes me really look at my own life and if I'm really working towards my full potential. I'm impressed with his life story and though I personally have issues with some of Apple's labor practices over seas, it doesn't stop me from buying Apple products, so I don't say much about them.

I don't remember how old I was when we got our first computer, but it was an Apple. It was an Apple II+ which my dad bought at a garage sale. My research shows that it was introduced in 1979, so we got it many years after in possibly the mid 80s around 2nd grade. It as new to me and awesome. Plus, going from no computer to your first computer is a huge milestone.

What I remember most was the green screen monitor, the car racing game and the dot matrix printer. You know, the type with the holes on the sides of the paper that fed through the printer. There was a program called "The Print Shop" and you could print banners. I LOVED printing banners and thought the idea was so awesome. It is funny that since technology advanced making that long paper unnecessary, we lost the ability to print out long banners. That is a setback in my opinion still today. You could even make your own greeting cards, which I thought was cool, but never used the function, except maybe once for invitations. I remember getting invitations that were printed from the Print Shop and how cheap they seemed. But back to the printer, man, I would just love watching it print, each line and how memorized I was.

Later on, we moved on to getting a PC and my love for computers grew. I spent a lot of time on it and wanted to learn everything about. I started in the AOL days and quickly learned how to get free services. I'll never forget my 14.4k modem and that momentous day when I got to upgrade to a 52k modem. I spent a lot of times in chat rooms and enjoyed editing my AOL profile, which was kind of like the first Facebook since you could search other people's profiles and add them to your buddy list. Do chat rooms even still exist? I haven't used one since high school.

I never learned to program, something I regret to this day, but I spent enough time playing with computers that in college I was able to get a job as a computer helpdesk technition, helping people solve their computer programs over the phone and in person. Even today, I can help most friends with their computing problems, but I'm still a bit behind the times. I have seen technology pass me by and I just focus on the things that interest me.

I never went back to Apple until the iPhone came out. Then about 2 years ago, I got my first MacBook and really like it. I still use my PC as my main desktop computer, but really like my MacBook for everything else. I even got an iPad for my father who seems to enjoy it.

So those are my computer nerd stories. Yeah, I don't know Steve Jobs, but from what I know of him, his work, I'm sorry that he had to pass away so young. But man, it also makes you feel like no matter how crazy rich you are, you might be able to delay death, but once you die, you take nothing with you. That in part does inspire me to just follow my heart.

peace of mind

Looking for my whole life

2011-10-03T16:45:00.000-05:00

"Fortune and love favor the brave." -Ovid

I know this has been a trending topic in my entries recently, but love is definitely in the air. I got some pretty exciting news this month, twice. First, one of my closest friends since elementary school just got engaged to a wonderful woman. Then, not too long after, a good friend of mine who I met in college also got engaged to a great woman. How cool is that? I am very happy for both of them and, of course, for their fiances as well.

There is something about knowing a person as an individual and then watching them meet a person they fall in love with and watching as they grow as a person. You can see the happiness in their eyes and in their demeanor. This is going to be one of my shorter entries as I just wanted to memorialize my excited feelings in my blog, but I look forward to watching everything develop leading up to their big days.

joy

Songs and Smells

2011-09-20T16:39:00.000-05:00

“Music is the art which is most nigh to tears and memory.” - Oscar Wilde

There is nothing like songs and/or smells to bring a memory rushing back. Certain songs remind you of good times and others of bad times. Sometimes you listen to a song and don't even know that you are relating it to the time you are currently having. I'm like a lot of people in that I really profess to enjoy music, but I'm not very knowledgeable about how to make music. I really wish I knew how to play an instrument and am sometimes bummed out that I don't have music as an avenue to express myself. I should really pick up those guitar lessons again. This is why music seems like magic to me and is, therefore, that much more enjoyable.

This past weekend was Austin City Limits. It is a three day live music festival in Austin, Texas. This is the 4th year I have gone and I seem to enjoy it more each time. I was lucky enough for my friend Efrain to fly in from LA to attend with me. He really knows his music and bands. In college I went to a lot of concerts with Efrain and that was probably the most concerts I had ever gone to in one year. Those were some great memories. A lot of friends I have gone with in the past either did not come this year or I did not run into at the festival. I think the most fun part of ACL is spending it with your friends and it never hurts to be in the company of a pretty girl, which is always nice as well. I had a great time this year and discovered a lot of new bands I had never heard before. Three days outdoors for a music festival is quite the test of endurance I will say. Add to that the almost 1.7 mile hikes to and from the car to start and end each day and you can only imagine the workout I got. I won't get into a run down of all the bands I heard since there were so many, but it was pretty great. We were even able to take in an after show downtown on Friday night which was a lot of fun. I'm looking forward to going again next year even though the prices went up.

As far as an update goes, life has been relatively busy, but nothing notable has really happened. Work has also been really busy, which is something I always welcome. I have been a bit isolationist these past few months and I have also been a bit of scattered mess, but I'm sure I'll get things in order soon. Friendships are important and I have a lot of catching up to do with a lot of friends who I have not spent a lot of time with. The good news is that football season is upon us and that makes me very happy. This week the Fall TV shows will get started and that is always a great time for me. I don't even know if I can take on new favorite shows, but I'm sure I'll find some.

I'm very good about wanting to do things, especially things to better myself. As is my cycle, I take on new hobbies and after a while start to neglect them. It has been a while since I picked up a new project and tried to learn something new. I need to get on that. For example, I feel like I would really like to learn to cook. Not super well, just like enough to make a few dishes I could enjoy and live on. I wish I had good friends that knew how to cook that could help me learn. I not very much of a foodie, so taking a class isn't even a consideration. I just need to buy some food and read the directions on the box. I'm not helpless, I mean I can BBQ and make a few things, but I'm sure there are ways to be able to have more cooking options.

isn't she lovely

A Better Friend

2011-09-14T16:42:00.000-05:00

"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence." - George Washington

Life is full of change and sometimes that change is welcomed and other times it drags you kicking and screaming. Change isn't always for the better, but if you learn from it, you should always be better for it. Abrupt change is the easiest to understand, circumstances are now different, but after a period of grieving, you adapt in the best way you can and move forward. What I am finding I have trouble dealing with is gradual change. You know, where the changes are so small and insignificant at any one time, but as the months and years pass by, things are dramatically different than they once were. Sometimes you see this gradual change coming and instead of just watching the slow progression, it feels easier to just skip to the abrupt change so that you can begin to adapt to it now. It probably isn't the best plan of action. There are times, for example, in a relationship, where you can see it fading, you know that things might be ok at the moment, but they are slowly getting worse and things are not sustainable the way they are. My usual reaction is to force the issue instead of just enjoying the time you might have until things fall apart. What I forget is that sometimes you can instead choose to put your effort to start turning the ship around instead of just jumping to the dreaded outcome you feel is inevitable. It won't be as fast or easy as ending things, but will take longer and more sustained effort. I need to stop taking shortcuts, especially when they don't have desired results.

I have many vivid memories from college that I visit from time to time. A relevant one that has been on my mind has to do with one of my close friends who was also a girl. When we met, her personality was unlike anyone I had met up until that point in my life. She was extremely animated, outspoken and socially affectionate. We quickly became good friends and spent a lot of time together. Being away from home can be lonely and having someone there with you makes it much easier to adapt. Her sincere kindness was something I really appreciated. For example, I was once in my dorm bed sick as a dog and she came across campus in what was probably terrible weather to bring me orange juice. No one had ever done for this me and I really appreciated it. As time passed we grew closer and I was really fond her, but only as a friend. It was weird, I also found her very much attractive, but I didn't have apparent romantic feelings toward her. It was something I couldn't explain to myself, I wanted to like her that way, but at that point I knew what it felt like to be smitten and this was just different. It might have had to do with becoming friends with her while I was in the tail end of a relationship, maybe I just saw her different from the start. The subsequent ill advised night where we kissed didn't change my feelings and I don't presume to know what hers were.

What I remember was one time we were both having an argument about our complicated friendship and what it meant. She was the closest and most important person to me at the time and I made a crass comment pointing out that we were not in an relationship. In her blunt and honest manner, she told me assertively that it didn't matter what I wanted to call it or what I told myself, it was most definitely a relationship. It didn't sink in at the time, but years later I finally understood what she might have been trying to say. Things are not black and white and relationships are broader than just romantic relationships.

The friendship went the way situations like that go, any crush she may have had passed and after a seemingly meaningless blow up, which was mostly my fault, it pretty much led to the end of our close friendship. I'll never forget how much I was missing her that night and when she finally came to my room, I asked her to leave. Much later we became acquaintances in the guise of friends, but it was always like there was a wall between us when it came to true communication. I always held her in high esteem after that, but things would never be the same. It is weird for someone to go from being in your day to day life to just being someone you know. The kicker is, when I look back on my past romantic relationships, for some reason I consider her as one of them. What I had with her, despite us never dating, was deeper and more meaningful than many actual relationships I cycled through during college and years after. I learned a lot about myself, what I was looking for and that things are not always what they seem.

I think everything played out for the best, since all's well that ends well, but it wasn't easy for me. Interestingly, it wasn't the last time I ran into this type of situation, but at least I had a roadmap on how it would most likely play out. I keep learning a lot of little lessons, but probably not the big lesson I should have learned by now. The problem is that I probably still have a lot to learn.

not the answer

Someone Like You

2011-08-15T16:46:00.002-05:00

"Her best days will be some of my worst,

She finally met a man that's gonna put her first,

While I'm wide awake, she's no trouble sleeping,

'Cos when a heart breaks

no it don't breakeven, even no."

- The Script, Breakeven

It is the cool of night, our clothes are lost on the floor as I lay on my back in bed and slowly brush her silky hair off her soft face as she lays sliently on my chest. I can still taste the whiskey on my breath and her chapstick on my lips as I have little concern that I don't really know this girl all that well. I'm still basking in the after glow of utter contentment as this was all I could think about from the moment I set eyes on her. I take a deep breath through my nose, she smells good, but she doesn't smell like her. When she turns to roll over, I reflexively follow with my free arm and wrap her in my embrace. Her eyes are closed and so are mine and I don't really care if she knows that the love emanating from my skin isn't for her or even about her. I'm genuinely happy in the moment, but since I don't live a lifestyle where I can keep this high going, it makes me long for the memories of holding her next to me. It is a good way to make do in the mean time even though I'm well aware that the passion will soon burn out as it is just a match. Those are issues for the morning, not at the present moment where I try not to fall asleep when this will just become a memory.

It has become more apparent to me that I have hit the age where the majority of my former girlfriends are now either married or engaged. Clearly, people are in your past and not your present for a reason, but the continual body blows of such joyous news really makes you start to take stock of your own personal choices. No matter how heart breaking or indifferent any particular situation has been over the years, I keep coming the sobering truth that if given the option to switch shoes with any of those incredibly lucky men, I would not. Of course, retrospect colors your initial emotional reaction which can be fueled by jealousy and selfishness. After taking the usual path of reflecting on where I have been and where I thought I wanted to go, I really start to think where I am at and if I actually know where it is I'm going.

I have all the same preconceived notions as most people do. One day I'm going to meet a lovely lady who I will become smitten with in a way that is different than the women that preceded her. Something about her will be special to me, she will have apparent flaws and well hidden flaws, but they won't be that kind that magnify mine, nor will they be visible when she smiles. I won't have to make her happy because she is already happy, but I'll try to do it anyway. After a passion filled whirlwind romance and the building of a friendship, we get married, have kids. Then after a lifetime of adventure she will be the last thing I see as she holds my 95 year old hand before I pass in a room filled with grand kids. It is like this narcissistic entitlement that is built into my subconscious either evolutionary or thanks to the movies of Disney or the likes of Nicolas Sparks books. It is what I have come to believe is just the nature of things, the path the story takes. This is reinforced by the fact that despite life's ups and downs, it continues to get better and more fulfilling, so that makes for a logical conclusion. Relationships become better as you are more careful on who you let in, but so do your expectations rise. I envision my life as a story, one of love, hope, and redemption that finishes with the quintessential happy ending. It is both romantic and bland at the very same time.

What this story does is lessen my urgency to get started along that path. I mean, with the absolute certainty that our paths will meet, and considering being a man I have nothing but time, you feel like it is an inevitability that will be here in due course. I'm not adverse to being on that path, nor do I consciously avoid it, but I worry that the alternative of impatience makes people settle for less than optima outcomes, whereas I also understand that having a grass is greener mentality might also partly explain a lot of things too. If I have learned anything in life, those things you work for mean more to you than those that you get for nothing, yet somehow I expect to get this for nothing. Normally, I try not to be a person who waits for life to happen to him, but rather work to make my goals and dreams happen. Why should my approach to relationships be any different?

I'm sure this is where certain friends and family members would interject with their well intentioned commentary about how God has a plan for everyone and he will introduce me to the perfect person, just be patient and have faith. Despite my annoyance from such kind comments, I'm actually sadly convinced of that very fact, which is probably why it bothers me more than it should. Of course not everyone finds a perfect person, nor is anyone actually perfect, which is objectively apparent. People have false starts, make bad decisions and accept less than what they dreamed of. Even knowing that, you still feel that you are different, special.

You are always dealing with another fear, finding the right person, but in that very moment you find them, having the to accept the reality that now you have something to lose and you are going to lose them. Just fathoming the emotional investment of getting to know everything about each other, raising a family and then losing them, either to the fading of passion, end of a marriage, the arms of another or the eventuality of death, just seems like a soul crushing experience which makes me understand why old couples tend to die soon after losing a partner.

Maybe there is a different story for me, a better story that suits me, one that might not fit the norm, but is equally or more satisfying. We all know what the answer should be, to work to find the person that will be your one, your good news. But, I find I'm a lot happier working on being the one, a person that someone has been looking for all this time. I mean if you want to continue to raise your standards, you have to play on that level too. By my nature I understand my polyamorous impulses, but I accept that she will be worth the trade off. I am just happy to have many important relationships in my life, their labels can be whatever their labels are, but what I care about most is the meaningfulness of the relationship. I am ok with entering people's lives, enjoying our connection, learning and growing then moving on when the time is right. I'm sure if there is no reason to move on, well than that might be the right place to stay.

So I guess I don't expect my happy ending for nothing, I expect it because I know who I am, I know the people who I have shared paths with and know that I really don't need the illusionary security of forever, just the meaningful experiences of the moment. Everything else will just fall into place.

never quite free

Dr. & Dr. Cook

2011-08-10T10:48:00.001-05:00

"Never marry but for love; but see that thou lov'st what is lovely." - William Penn

I spent the weekend in San Diego attending the wedding of my friend Sam and his fiance Lauren. The celebration was spectacular and like my high expectations for San Diego, it did not disappoint. I was honored to have been invited and had a pretty memorable time.

I first met Sam in elementary school on the bus. Sam loved the Houston Oilers and it was clear then that he would grow up to be quite the sports fan. Sam was a year younger than me so we didn't interact too much until high school. From drama trips to chess matches, we hung out, but were not especially close, though we got closer over the years. Sam also became really good friends with my friend Rick during and after college, so on visits home we got to hang out a lot more. Being on the East coast, Sam was great about coming to town to visit and his personable nature helps him make friends anywhere. Before I knew it, Sam was one of the handful of people I kept in contact with after high school, back when you didn't have Facebook to make it so easy.

I was excited for Sam when I heard the news that he was getting married. After meeting Lauren for the first time on this trip, I must say, he did very well for himself. They are both reflexively kind and it is evident on their faces how much they adore each other. They are both crazy smart which is something I always admire. Talk about doing it the right way. Both of them going to school and getting their Phds and then getting married...if I were their parents I'd be very proud, which you can tell, they were.

I flew into San Diego on Thursday night after work. I checked into the hotel, met a new friend at the front desk, and then headed downtown. I went to meet up with the guys at a bar where they were having a bachelor party which was just meeting up with the bachelorette party. When I arrived, I met Lauren after only knowing her through stories and facebook postings. I was instantly impressed with how genuine she was. Since I got there before the guys, I got to meet her friends too and I was happy to see how nice and personable everyone was. I got to meet Lauren's friends, Sam's friends and cousins. The night was fun, we ended up at a karaoke bar and I had a fun debate about how awesome Uncle Jesse was, which I hope she took in jest. I had a fun chat with one of Sam's cousins, who once you got past the exterior cuteness, was pretty down to earth with an interesting take on mixing drinks. Sam and Omar did a rendition of Garth Brooks' Friends in Low Places that was the highlight of the night for me.

Rick was kind enough to let me stay at the hotel with him and Friday we got up and did some sightseeing. We visited Little Italy, had some pizza at a recommended joint and later walked around Old Town. What really blew me away was the weather. About 75 degrees, sunny with a cool breeze that made you feel like if you lived there, you would be the most outdoorsy active person alive. We then headed to the nice hotel where the wedding was going to be held for the rehearsal. I finally got the meet the rest of the wedding party and everyone was so friendly. I also ran into Omar and Krissy who I knew from high school and it was nice to catch up. I was lucky enough to join in on the rehearsal dinner and it was great to hear the bride and groom talk about how much their friends meant to them. This is where I got to know Max and Leah better and my suspicions that they were cool people were confirmed. The story about how Max and Sam met and became friends was pretty epic.

Saturday, I took my rental car out and tried to take in more of the town before the wedding began. I spent the morning at the San Diego zoo, which was a blast. I have never seen a zoo that was so big. I will have to return one day to fully take it in. I then went down to the beach and had a late lunch on the boardwalk after I did some sightseeing. By the time I got back to the hotel, I had just enough time to get my suit on and load the bus to the wedding.

The wedding was superb. There is just something about being out on the beach with a cool breeze while the sun is shining. You can tell they were very particular about every detail. The bride looked outstanding and Sam looked very sharp. Sam and Lauren prepared thoughtful vows for each other that they read. They were very moving and it said a lot that they both used the term "teamwork" when talking about their union. Rick did a good job as a groomsman, actually all the groomsmen did. This was probably the first wedding where I sat in the audience with a drink in hand. It was a nice touch.

The wedding was followed by a cocktail hour, which is a great idea by the way. They were now a married couple and it was time to celebrate. The couple looked very happy and I must say again, the ambiance on the beach cast a perfect background. Then was the reception. The tables were numbered with math problems which I thought was clever. I met some new friends at the table. Dinner was filling and the constant stream of Maker's from the open bar kept me in great spirits. The speeches were touching and then people danced, or in my case tried to dance, but there were smiles all around. I had my dollar dance with the bride, which I think is the first dollar dance I have ever had. I figured I'd follow up with my second with a dollar dance with the groom. It seemed like a fun idea at first, but I wasn't prepared for the fact that I couldn't lead, which was fair since he was the groom, but felt different. I don't know how you ladies do it. The cake was great tasting and looked cool, but I have never been a cake person.

At one point we all went out on the balcony and saw the fireworks over the water, which I believed were for the wedding, but were actually from Sea World, but you know, for the wedding too, why not. I want fireworks at my wedding.

When the reception ended, I decided to keep drinking, I mean celebrating. Krissy and I headed over to the Class of 1971 Class Reunion and hung out with the classmates, took pictures with the letterman jacket and cheerleading outfit. We even got a memento of the 1971 class picture to take home. Then, next door to that was another wedding reception. Dares ensued and some how I end up on the dance floor with the mother of the bride as I tell her I'm one of the groom's cousins before I take my free drink and move on to the hotel bar to join everyone who was still out. We hung out at the beach for a while and then called it a night.

I put some of my photos on Facebook, but here are more of my photos of the weekend: http://www.flickr.com/photos/hyadus/sets/72157627277210701/

It was a classic wedding experience and I had a really great time. I'm very happy for the bride and groom and I think I might enjoy weddings more than I thought I did. There is just something about seeing two people crazy in love with each other. Next wedding is up in November with another in October 2012.

Bliss

Engaging Times

2011-07-21T13:20:00.044-05:00

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." -Nora Ephron, When Harry Met Sally

Recently, my brother Abram got engaged to his girlfriend Ashley. This was exciting news for the entire family. That is a pivotal step in life which I think would scary and exciting at the same time. It has been great getting to know Ashley and it is wonderful seeing how happy they make each other. I look forward to having her in the family. I'm sure they have quite the year ahead of them planning for such a big event. Life is always changing and it is great when those changes make life even better.

A lot of love stories seem to be hitting their zenith as of late. In early August, I'll be attending my friend Sam's wedding in San Diego, CA. You will probably be getting a full account of my trip to what I imagine to be the perfect city to live in. I've known Sam since we were young kids on Bus 4 and to watch him getting married shows how far we have all come. I have yet to meet his fiance which makes sense since I usually hang out with Sam about once every year or two. This I am looking forward to as well as she seems like such a cool person from what I have heard. Then approaching in November, my cousin Rino and Jess are going to be getting married here in Austin. I tell you, I'm starting to get really good at weddings, bridesmaids beware. Since the entire family will be there, it also doubles as a family reunion of sorts which is nice and adds that level of excitement. I might even have to take a day off of work to recover from that one.

The summer has been a somewhat quiet one for me. My parents came to visit and my father built/extended my fence to include a dog run and give my backyard more space. I was very impressed with how it turned out and did not prove to be much help. It makes me happy that my family feels at home at my place and my mom really helped me decorate a bit and added a few plants which probably need watering now that she is gone. My dad also brought back my dog Max who he had been taking care of for a while. Max is a great dog, but man he is a digger. We had to put up an electric fence to deter him at our old place. Now him and Chloe are a digging father-daughter team, but have only engineered a few break outs thus far. They get out, roam a bit and then come back home. I do understand that digging is a reflection on my ownership, so I'm trying to spend more time with him so that he can burn off some of that energy. There has not been any more sailing this summer like I imagined and I probably need to finish setting up my office and mounting my TVs around the house. My garage is still a mess, but for now I'm just enjoying being in my home.

My younger sister Eliza, her husband Gil and their kids Tori and Celeste came to visit Austin this summer as well. Celeste seems to grow by leaps and bounds each time I see her and now that she is 3, she is a little person, which makes her more fun to interact with. She is adorable and I don't throw out that praise generously. Eliza got to finally meet Ashley after the great news. It was very hot that weekend, so we didn't do the usual Austin things I like to do for guests, but next time they come, I'll be sure to make it up to them. I also need to work on having things to do other than those that involve drinking. I am reminded that bars are not a good place for kids.

I got to see Harry Potter 7.2 this past weekend. That was a lot of movies and a lot of books in coming, yet all totally worth it. Emma Watson was spectacular, but my opinion on that is probably a bit biased. I went with my friend Rebecca to a really nice theater that had couches and waiters. It was the right way to do such an event. Rebecca had never seen Harry Potter before, so why not just save the best for last. I made a mistake on watching it in 3D, I'm starting to think that I don't really care for 3D much anymore, but that is another topic.

I want to start running again like I was in the spring, but I know that the day I go outside for a quick jog, all my progress on distance and stamina will be gone and I'll be starting all over. I also know that this means a lifetime of running ahead, which makes a simple jog seem that much more daunting of a task. Makes it easy to put off for just one more day. Funny how your mind is great at playing tricks on you, I mean I have completely given up fighting it in the morning when it is time to get up. I utilize a crazy chain of alarms that increase in urgency and yet my mind still wants to go back to bed, even if I've had a good nights sleep. I wonder how much time I spend on battles with myself. I'm slowly pulling ahead, but the clock is always ticking.

how do you know?

No Where But Up

2011-07-21T12:37:00.047-05:00

"There's no mystical energy field that controls my destiny" - Han Solo

My entire life I have heard people say, "Everything happens for a reason," despite how demonstrably untrue that statement proves to be. It feels great to think that and I'd love to believe it, but it doesn't take long to think about all the flaws in that belief. The key really comes down to the meaning of the word "reason." If you give it a metaphysical meaning, something only a god can understand, well why are we even having this discussion then? But if you give it meaning of "greater good," it ceases to make sense. The cliche seems to assume that everyone gets a happy ending and everything that happens to us along the way are just lessons or twists of fate to get us to some final positive destination. But how many people really end up at that final positive destination?

I'm genuinely a positive person and I'm not out for killing Santa Claus, and this is such a positive saying, but platitudes like, "it is all going to be ok," may make one feel better, but objectively have no basis in truth. That would have been a better saying to take on.

It depends on the perspective you are looking at it from. So an infant dies, well [insert grand reason here], but it ignores the fact that--to that infant--no reason is going to be good enough to justify being dead. I guess you could factor in some reward in heaven or something for dying to teach your parents to appreciate each moment with loved ones or something like that, but you get what I'm saying.

Once again, this doesn't discount that it is still a nice phrase we use to make ourselves feel better when things go wrong. I mean, either it can suck or it's just God's way of teaching us a lesson or helping us achieve our fate. The latter sounds a lot better. But then I think, oh like the lesson, "don't drive drunk", which you learned because you crashed and died after drinking. Not much use you can make of that lesson now. Oh..... it was the lesson to your alcoholic uncle. I get it now. That is an unfair Ponzi scheme.

I think the more apt motivation behind the phrase is that, you should be ever positive and look for the positive possibilities and opportunities in your negative experiences. That life is a journey and everything that happens to you is part of what got you to where you are at (for the better or worse.) That is a lesson that everyone should follow, I genuinely mean that, but not for the reason that you believe God let something bad happen to you so that he could later he could do something really good for you. Really, a bit selfish and narcissistic, no?

What a wet blanket I feel like I'm being, but I'm not advocating taking away the comfort a person has when they believe this, but I'm just saying that there are other ways to deal with the fact that you don't always have control of what happens to you or your loved ones. Bad things happens to good people and sometimes good things happens to bad people. Life isn't always fair and our outcomes are not all equal. I think when you accept that, you tend to appreciate good things even more. There are many things you can do to improve your outcomes, but you should always be doing that.

Now of course, there is also the understanding that universe follows the rules of physics and you have the action reaction thing, so yes, there was an "actual reason" behind what happened, but it is not the profound future looking reason people impute into that statement. Nor does it necessarily mean something better will come from it in the future. Though I will say, when bad things happen, usually there is nowhere to go but up, so there is that is another good way of looking at it.

I heard this phrase the other day and it made remember that you can't always control life, a lot of things you can control to an extent, but life is really just what make of it. So why not just work to make the best of it, no matter what your circumstances? Some people have their faith which lets you have peace that god is in control, which works great for some people.

Having over thought this for longer than I had planned, for me it comes down to looking at "reason" in "future" or "past" tense. Anything that happens in your "past" you can attribute to something positive that has happened to you since then. It was the "reason" you were in the right place at the right time. But it doesn't logically work like that going forward into the "future." You can't say, X bad thing happened to me today, but for the purpose of the unknown Y good thing happening in the future.

You know, maybe I'm just completely wrong, maybe I'll never understand "the reason", but you know what, if it really is a heavenly conspiracy outside of human understanding, then you don't know either, which doesn't make that statement true. I don't really know why I went through this brain exercise, maybe because I felt like getting some much needed writing in, plus, it made me feel better. Maybe hearing someone throw around the cliche happened for that reason.

what I should believe and what I do believe don't always match up

On the Horizon

2011-06-23T09:59:00.050-05:00

"Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them." -Bill Maher

Almost a month now it has been, it feels similar to when you haven't talked to a friend in a long time. It is like this inverse effect where the longer it has been, the less you seem to have to talk about. Yet, your friends you talk to almost daily, you can go on for hours with about nothing. Sometimes though, with a really good friend, if you break the nothing-to-talk-about barrier with a good topic, you can slip right back into old times. This is also how I feel about writing at the moment.

The new house saga is starting to fade into the past, but it will be some time before the new starts to wear off since I haven't even made my first mortgage payment yet. I like my new place and I'm starting to feel more at home each day. I keep myself busy with household projects I create and there seems to be a lot of them. I installed shelves for my walls/cats, a bathroom cabinet, I am starting on adding on to my fence and do things like water my grass and plants. It is all stuff I previously thought was mundane and which I admit for the most part probably is. I get the last of my furniture this weekend and hopefully it will spur me to get motivated to get the rest of my garage unpacked so I can feel fully moved in. They are still building the houses next door to me, so I don't know my next-door neighbors yet.

I've been lucky enough to catch up with some good friends recently. I had dinner and drinks with my friends Oscar and Clarita the other night. I always enjoy taking to them and they always have such great advice. Later, I hung out with Rick and Rebecca. Rick got to see my house and it is always a lively conversation when you have three former debaters at the table. I try to keep in mind that I need to be more proactive about making an effort to spend time with friends because it isn't that hard to get busy and grow apart. I always took for granted that just because a friendship has strong roots, that you don't have to put in as much effort. There is always a point where you don't talk to someone for so long that it feels weird to contact them now, like some expiration date has passed and to contact them now would just highlight the amount of time that you let pass.

The older I get, the faster time seems to fly. I know that is cliche, but I can't believe that it is almost July already. For example, I stopped reading this online comic I used to love in June 2010. I always thought, one day I'll just go back to June and catch up on the few months that I've let lapse. Well now it has been a year and reading a year's worth of Pooch Cafe seems like a daunting task. Hopefully I'll be able to get the book that covers that period of time.

I need to plan a long vacation since I haven't really traveled for leisure in some time. The good news is that I have booked my flight to San Diego in early August for my friend Sam's wedding. I have never been to San Diego and have been wanting to go for years. It is on my list of "must visit" places and I considered moving there sight unseen after law school, but ended up moving back to Texas instead. In the same vein, I have an open invitation to all my out-of-state friends that want to visit, since I haven't been too great about getting out to visit them these past few years. My friend Efrain from California is coming to Austin in September for ACL and I'm really looking forward to that. Maybe a few other friends will come as well. My friend Juan Carlos just graduated from medical school in NY and Jorge and Michelle have a baby girl that I can't wait to meet on the East coast. I don't know why I feel so bad taking time off of work, but I'm going to work on this. That and most of my savings has gone towards this getting a house thing.

I guess I have been thinking of travel more because my friend Christina seems to travel constantly, both for work and for pleasure. She is probably out of state every other weekend on some trip, usually to NY, but most recently in Vegas. I miss Vegas. I wouldn't want to travel as much as her, but more than I have the past few years. I used to travel so much and for any reason. I still have left on my "must visit," Chicago, New Orleans and Seattle. Though I wouldn't mind a few repeats, like LA, Boston and Miami.

Wednesday, Christina was kind enough to invite me to attend the USA v. Panama and Mexico v. Honduras Gold Cup soccer games in Houston, TX. This is something I wanted to jump on, but the notice was too short to get time off of work and I couldn't pull off a drive after work to Houston and then leave at 5am in the morning to make it back to work the next morning turnaround, so I had to pass on it. I did watch the games on TV, in Spanish, and they were both great. She had a great time. I'm looking forward to the final.

I belatedly caught on to the HBO series, Game of Thrones. I kept hearing about it online, but for some reason thought it was some video game people liked. I saw the entire first season (10 eps) in 2 days and have become quite the fan. I think I enjoy watching series in a row rather than waiting week to week. Now I can't wait until the Spring 2012 for season 2. I may even check out the books, and by books I mean audiobooks. Though I just got a kindle, so maybe I'll do it the old fashioned reading way. Next, I want to check out The Killing on AMC, but haven't had a chance yet. TrueBlood starts again on Sunday, so I'll be following that, but even though I enjoyed the last season, the show isn't as interesting to me as it initially was. I'm invested though. As a side note, you know, women really love vampires, but that is a topic for another day.

So babies are being born everywhere it seems. Among the many FB babies I've seen as of late, my friend Jon and his wife Stacey recently had a baby, my cousin Adam and his wife Kirby had their first child, my cousin Vanessa had a baby girl, my cousin Mario has one on the way really really soon and my good college friend Iris just had her first baby. I'm so very happy for all them. I guess that is what people do, make other people. I guess they all get to experience that, "you'll only understand if you are parent," feeling I'm often told about. These are the people I'll be trying to get my knowledge from when it is time for me to father twins. (If I'm going to be busy being a parent, might as well double up.)

I had a insightful conversation the other day with a friend about relationships that started when she told me something I could really relate to. She had seen a picture of someone she had dated with his new fiance looking genuinely happy and for some reason it triggered an uncomfortable emotional reaction. You would think that it would be from the feeling of missing out, wishing that could be you or even jealousy, but it was, for the most part, none of those things. It had more to do with not seeing that on the horizon for yourself. I can admit that I have felt that way before. I feel like I know a lot of great friends that feel like they perpetually single despite any lacking of options. I think the problem, I can say for myself, is that it is easy to be ok with being independent most of the time, but there are fleeting moments when it is much harder. You get all the benefits of the single life, dating who you want, doing what you want, no expectations, the freedom to make choices without having to get someone's input, but then there are moments when it would be nice to have found a person that you share a true connection with. That is probably why it seems like they are not doing anything to change their situation. The older you get, the most likely it is that your exes are now married and starting families which makes you start to take stock. You throw in the happy-for-them, check, would I rather it be me, probably not check, but yet there is still regret or longing sometimes. For me it was weird going from in college where I was known as the "relationship guy," to my late 20s/early 30s where I've been for the most part the "single guy." People say you will change your mind when you "meet the right person," but although I don't doubt this, I've noticed that I have been more consistently happy while single, vs. the roller-coaster of much happier and must more stressful moments while in relationships. The highs are much higher, but the lows and stress that comes with it act as a counter-weight. Some people like to say that they are just too busy to meet someone, or are too committed to work, but I think those are justifications people use. The truth is that you are either not putting in a lot of effort or putting in a lot of effort and its just not working out for you. There are individual reasons for both of those. Also, past performance doesn't always guarantee future results, so I can't just take for granted that things always seem to work themselves out. I'm rambling and have lost my point, if I ever had one, but it is comforting to know that a lot of people are in or have been in the same boat, going through the same process.

I'll always want more

Where the Heart Is

2011-06-03T10:55:00.041-05:00

“When you're safe at home you wish you were having an adventure; when you're having an adventure you wish you were safe at home.” - Thorton Wilder

I have closed and am all moved into my new house in south Austin. This has been a great experience. I closed on Friday, May 27th and started moving that very night. The move was an ordeal and was more involved than I expected and spanned almost 3 full days. I find it funny that it was easier to move from DC to Texas pulling a uhaul than it was to move down the street into my new house. I am grateful to my friends and family who helped because without them I couldn't have done it.

So I wasn't sure I was going to be able to close early, but when I got the word last Friday, I was excited. The closing wasn't anything special and didn't feel like I was taking on the second biggest debt/investment of my life. (First being college/law school student loans whose balance is higher than my house.) There was a lot of signing. My realtor was there with me and was very helpful as well. She is such a doll and helped me every step along the way assisting me with every single detail. It didn't hurt that she was how you would imagine an attractive real estate person to be. I was probably very high maintenance, but she was kind, patient and most important, informative. I learned so much during process. When I signed the last document, I shook out my hand, and quickly got on the road to pick up my keys. It was a great feeling, but I'd still rank the feeling of passing the bar as a bit more emotionally fulfilling.

The moment I got my keys, it felt like the house was really mine. I walked around for a bit to take in the brand new empty house feel and then my feelings went from jubilation to focusing on the logistics of the move. I had a personal shot of Maker's Mark to celebrate. Christina dropped by to check out my place before I started moving. First stop, Uhaul. Christina was kind enough to give me a ride to Uhaul, since I would be driving back in one of those trucks I imagined. When I get there, the guy laughs at me as I ask for their biggest truck and tells me that everything is booked because of Memorial Day weekend and all the college kids graduating and heading back home. (I assume parent's home considering the state of the economy.) He had one open trailer he could rent me the next day so I took it. I returned to the house to hatch a new moving plan. I would be moving with just pick-up trucks. Abram brought over his Tacoma, and Norbert had his parent's Tundra. And the trips started, and we went back and forth and back and forth filling the trucks to the brink. My Dad soon arrived from the Valley and joined in on the fun. We moved until 1:30am before calling it a night.

There was a moving moment I won't forget. We got the beds over in a truck packing feat that only Abram could have imagined. When I thought it was impossible to pack a King size bed and box spring in a single pickup truck, Abram decided that not only could he do it, but that he would throw in a full size bed, box spring and twin size mattress just for good measure. It is an important lesson that sometimes you have to dream big to complete feats you didn't think you could, even when dealing with daily stuff. Even though it only had to travel 8 miles or so, it was packed so well that it could have gone much longer. This made it possible for me to sleep at my new home for the first night. It felt like camping, namely because I didn't have internet at the new place.

The rest of the weekend entailed more moving, and even my cousin Rino came over with his truck and helped out for a long while. Saturday, my sister Ana and Rick showed up as well. Ana and I went shopping for living room furniture and a bedroom set. She helped me pick a leather set I was happy with. When my fridge arrived I was excited because it felt like the final missing piece. Rick gave me a cigar to smoke when I paid off my mortgage. It was a cool gift and I put it away for that next milestone even though I don't smoke, I'll be happy to light it up. It was nice having family and friends to enjoy this with.

Sunday, Abram had a BBQ at his place for the family and to pre-celebrate his birthday on Monday. Each time I go visit, their place looks better and better. Ashley got a new car which looked really sharp, especially the color. I liked his BBQ pit so much I decided to get one like it myself. It is my first venture into gas grilling, but I'm liking it.

So here I am now, unpacking and getting situated and it is staring to feel real. Getting a house was always a big goal for me and I feel like I waited longer than a lot of people I know because I wasn't in the right position yet. When I was little, I had two goals for my house as an adult. Goal one was to have an upstairs. I always thought upstairs were cool and always wanted my Dad to build an upstairs on our one story house. I thought about this a lot for some reason. Goal two was to design it myself, I thought I would be an architect, and have secret passages and hidden rooms. So my first house only hit one of those goals, but my second house, I'll work on the secret passages. In the mean time, I am planning on a secret safe in some dead space, but I have already said too much. I wish I had something important to put in it.

What made this even more special was the road it took to get here. After college and again after law school, I ran into some credit problems which made life a lot more difficult. Good credit is important kids and not having it really limits your options I have learned. I couldn't get a good interest rate on a car or on a line of credit. So for about 3 years I worked my hardest to improve and clean up my credit past and it finally got to a decent point this year. I got my car refinanced and qualified for my home at 4.375%, which is an interest rate I am very happy about. Hopefully this is the dawn of a new era in my finances where I start to save more and figure out a way to pay down this student loan debt that makes work at time feel like indentured servitude. But just like diets and working out, later, you know, cause right now I need those new sofas. It is funny, but sad.

The house is 4 bedrooms, but 2 of the rooms are smaller, meant for a nursery I gather, but I'm using it as an office. There are two living rooms and I got my granite countertops which was important to me. I hope to take a month to get my place in order and then have a bar stocking party. My friends can just drop by in the mean time.

They didn't sod the backyard, so I had to order that this week. That was an expense I was not expecting. I never understood being a lawn guy, but maybe that will be me one day. I will say, sodding the backyard has been a chore. I probably should have hired help, but I'm enjoying it. I have that and many other home projects to look forward to.

The house I was renting in Buda was hard to walk away from. We moved into it brand new, so the experience was akin to that of buying a home and selling it 3 years later and just breaking even. We cleaned it up the best we could and left it in great shape. I'll miss the huge master and balcony, but upgrading to a place that is yours makes all the difference. It was a good home.

So that is another milestone achieved. What is funny is that a comment I continue to get from different people is, "Now you just need a wife." It makes me laugh every time. I'll keep my witty retorts to myself, but I don't think it works that way.

bistro set

Treasures

2011-05-26T10:57:00.001-05:00

"When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure." - Unknown

This part of the year is always emotionally bittersweet because it is simultaneously filled with moments of joy and sadness. More so this year because a year ago today, on May 26, my close friend Maria M. passed away from her battle with cancer. I regret not having been able to visit her in the hospital and be with her during her final days. Maria was more than just a good friend from college who I kept occasional tabs with, she was a close friend of mine who I had real conversations with regularly I shared a lot with her and we were like phone pen pals who would talk for hours about everything. From her thoughts on life, work, kids, marriage, battling cancer and even the possibility of dying. The best parts were when we would reminisce about our various adventures during college and laugh. Maria was a huge part of who I became as a person during those formative years and I feel like you take a bit of personality from all your friends and I'm glad to have her as part of my personality. Maria is the kind of person that treats everyone with kindness and just knowing her makes you consider her a close friend, because she treats everyone like a friend. I have never met a more genuinely happy soul. I would always tell her who much I wish I had her positive and optimistic outlook.

Because she lived in California post-college, I rarely got to see her in person and I think the last time I hung out with her was at my friends' Jorge and Michelle's wedding. I'm glad we all had that moment. I miss Maria a lot and there are countless times I grab my phone to call her up and get advice or want to check her blog to see if she has posted any updates. I miss her comments on my blog, since she was one of my few friends that kept tabs on me and was happy to share when she had thoughts about something I shared. I think of her a lot and I'll always have her in my heart. She has so many friends and family that are thinking of her today and my heart goes out to all of them.

Then, this Saturday, May 28, is my older sister Veronica's birthday who passed away in 2003. I feel like I emotionally focus on the loss, grief and pain of losing my dear sister more so on her death anniversary in February and try to focus more on the joy and happiness that was her life on her birthday in May. The focus for me is the impact she had on my life as a sister and her two beautiful daughters who carry on her memory and make me a proud uncle. This is my happy day, but when you let yourself feel and remember the happiness and joy, it is also hard at times to ignore the pain knowing that she is gone.

This emotionally packed weekend gets to turn an even better corner on Sunday, May 30, which is my brother Abram's birthday. This helps me focus on the present and the celebration which is reminds me that you should always value the friends and family you are blessed enough to have around you. I need to always remember to make an effort to celebrate the treasures in my in life who I have time with now since in the end all we are left only with are memories. I hope he has a great birthday this year since it has been an exciting one with a lot of positive changes.

So my advice to my friends and family on this Memorial Day weekend is to spend time with and appreciate your loved ones. Time flies and you can't control change, but you can enjoy the moment.

always smiling

Closing In

2011-05-23T16:39:00.087-05:00

“Write without pay until somebody offers to pay you. If nobody offers within three years, sawing wood is what you were intended for.” - Mark Twain

House events are going well and I'm inching closer to finally moving in. Below is what I started writing last week when I "thought" my closing got moved up, but unfortunately, it will not be moved up and I'll instead I'll still close on Tuesday, May 31st.

"I got great news this week, my closing has been moved to Friday, May 27th. That means that I have the entire Memorial Day weekend to move and unpack. I'm super happy about this. This also means that my family will be able to come up and help me, while also getting the added benefit of celebrating my brother and sister's birthday while up here. I'm one week away from something I have worked very hard toward for many years."

You could tell I was real happy, but I guess the later closing date does not diminish the the greater news that I'll be closing in about a week. Sometimes I fixate on the small issues and lose sight of the big picture. I will say that this entire process consumes me right now and it is all I seem to think about and unfortunately for my friends, talk about. I'll afford myself this momentary luxury though because I'm genuinely excited. I keep thinking about all the check list items, getting moved out, all my accounts closed and then setting up my new accounts. The packing and moving preparations, who is going to help me move, what I need to buy, like a refrigerator and living room furniture. The part that keeps the anxiety going is that the loan still hasn't been officially approved, though I'm hoping that Monday this will be taken care of. The approval should have happened a month ago, but I ran into unexpected delays. Ok, that enough of that, so I'll talk about other matters.

I have had the worst writer's block as of late. I guess I have just been distracted. I usually enjoy musing about random things on my blog (which gets reposted to Facebook), but I guess the cool stuff I find, I instantly share on FB or on my google reader feed. By the time I get to writing about it, it feels a bit outdated and less funny. I mean, this is where I would probably write about my thoughts on all the rapture fun that was this past weekend. My favorite part is how funny this past week was to the people "who do believe" in the rapture, but just think it is "crazy" to actually know the date as per Matthew. I was raised in this rapture stuff, which made it that much more fun. You know, I'm just going to avoid this thin ice and just move on.

The Austin City Limits lineup came out last week and I'm looking forward to it. I had purchased 3 three-day tickets last year and sold one to my friend Efrain and the other to my friend Christina. Each year I say I don't have 3 days in me, but I always seem to go at least 2 days, if not all 3. I figure this year I'll just go all 3 as well. I'm really looking forward to it.

There is nothing like idle time and a wandering mind. I'm pretty good about keeping a positive outlook and trying not to get lost in the past for too long. Lately, that has been a bit harder and I don't know why. I think it has to do with the fact that I've had the house to myself for quite some time now. I like being alone, but I have, for the most part, always lived in a house with a housemate. When you start to reflect on the path that got you to this very moment, you think about all the large decisions and small decisions that could have changed that. I'm happy where I'm at and what I have accomplished, but I wonder where I would be if I got off path too. From large things, like where I chose to go to college, the cities I decided to move to, the friends I made, the relationships I entered and ended to the small things, like the night I chose to go out vs. stay in, or just chance occurrences. I feel like I have been very lucky, yet it does sometimes leave you wondering how others are doing or how things would be like if X happened.

The TV season finales are finishing up and I'm about to free up a bunch of time I was spending catching up on my shows. You don't always need a cliffhanger, I mean, I'll be back next season anyways. Plus, by the time it is next season, I will have forgotten what the cliffhanger was. Who will be the new boss at Dunder-Mifland, was Becket wearing a bullet proof vest, is Red John dead, will Derek come home, who will Ted marry, will Pierce be back in the group, will Ned stay with Edna? I mean, that is just a few of the many questions I thought I cared about, but not really.

always the lesson

Selling the Clutter

2011-05-04T16:45:00.082-05:00

"Every one lives by selling something." -Robert Louis Stevenson

I don't know if this is just me, but I have this habit of buying something, usually online, and then keeping the box after opening it. I don't know why I do it, but it makes me feel like I have the option to return it later if I change my mind. (Also keep receipts) What happens is that in my closet I have this stack of shame, boxes of things that I probably shouldn't have purchased. So now that I'm preparing to move, I'm starting to sell off some of my old things, namely electronics, and incidentally, those original boxes have been a god send for selling my items on ebay. They make the item look newer when it comes in its original packaging. Extra cash for things I'm not using often is worth the effort.

It is not easy to decide what to sell. I have this idea that there will be a point when I "might" need that item, even though I haven't used it in over a year. This is probably the type of thinking that creates hoarding. For example, my TI-85 calculator. I haven't touched it since high school calculus and yet, I've held on to it for all these years. (Update: ended up selling to my cousin.) Another item I had trouble considering to sell was this super remote I got as a Christmas gift from a former girlfriend a few years ago. I really wanted it at the time and thought it would change my life. I quickly found out that I hardly used it since my TiVo remote was enough. So I decided to post the remote on eBay and it sold for a great price. Selling on Ebay is fun, despite the cut you have to pay them, and I keep going through all my things trying to find what else I can sell. Things are not going as fast on craigslist as I thought they would. So look at me, I'm having a garage sale of sorts.

I love buying stuff on craigslist too, but I'm trying to hold off until I move into my new place. What I will say is that not having a truck anymore making craigslist shopping harder. I can't buy desks or tables, or anything where I need larger transportation. Maybe this is a good thing.

Let me do some catching up. Easter weekend I stayed in town and mainly relaxed. I also helped my brother Abram move into his new place in North Austin. He and Ashley really found a nice place to rent that is near his new job. Ashley is really great at decorating I will say. It is going to take some time to get used to him being gone. I feel like I went through the same thing when my cousin Rino moved out. I'm sure the move into my new house next month will be a big change that will take more getting used to.

This past weekend my father came into town from the Valley to visit. I took him by my new house which was under construction, to give him a tour. He liked the house and was able to give me some ideas about what work I can do on it, especially with the fence. I always think of crazy project ideas that I enlist my father to help me with. Last time it was shaving the heels off the soles of my running shoes and this time it was stripping and staining my dining table. I have this light maple colored table and I wanted to make it a dark color for my new house. So I picked up 4 leather chairs on craigslist, a truck would have made it easier, and then we started on the project. I had never stripped paint before and it was pretty cool, but labor intensive. I used another table I had as a practice test and it turned out pretty good. Now my dining table did not turn out like I hoped. The dark color was just not even and you could see the brush strokes, so I put more and more on it and now it just looks painted and not really smooth. I probably shouldn't have messed with it after my father left.

I took my father to have dinner and kept trying to convince him to attend the wiener dog races in Buda, but he wanted none of that. It is more fun than it sounds. We had a BBQ at Abram and Ashley's place on Sunday. It was fun and their place is really coming together. Abram built a cool dog kennel in his back yard. Another big part of the trip was that I got my father an iPad 3G, which I tried to teach him to use. I hope he ends up figuring it out and getting a lot of use out of it. He has no computer experience, but Apple is very simple to pick up. He likes the news apps, which I hope become gateway apps.

Finally, I sent my cat Maddie home with my father to my sister Ana. She is a great cat and will be missed, but three cats is two too many and with a dog, it is just too much to keep up with. I think she has found a good home. She is still adjusting, but here is a picture that my sister sent me.

In other random news, I finally settled my last unpaid negative tradeline on my credit reports. It was a silly low amount, but out foolish principle I resisted for years. It was a lot of work, but hopefully this will mark the beginning of more mature financial decisions going forward. But just like dieting and exercise, next month I say, I mean, I am moving and I'll be buying lots of random stuff. Paying out the money was not fun though and since the settlement agreement is confidential, I won't say too much about it. Good news though.

My days now consist of a lot of packing, which is going at a really slow pace. Cleaning in an effort to only be charged my security deposit and nothing more. I'm hoping this month goes by fast because I'm really looking forward to moving into my new house. This week, my housemate Norbert has been out of town and it is like I'm living by myself. It has been a while since I have lived alone and it was a weird feeling. It definitely has its pros and cons.

distractions

Where Were You?

2011-05-02T17:16:00.142-05:00

"Today, at my direction, the United States launched a targeted operation against that compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan. A small team of Americans carried out the operation with extraordinary courage and capability. No Americans were harmed. They took care to avoid civilian casualties. After a firefight, they killed Osama bin Laden and took custody of his body." - President Barack Obama, 05/01/11

I'll never forget where I was on September 11, 2001. When the first plane hit the World Trade Center building, I was asleep in my house in Ithaca, NY where I was attending college. My house mate, Juan Carlos barged into my room and told me to turn on my TV. We watched the news in horror as the second plane hit the other tower. We were about 5 hours away, but the NYC was where Juan's family lived, so this had an extra sense of urgency and reality to him. For days after, we didn't know if there would be more be attacks and if the world would erupt into a war. We did know everything would be different and I mainly remained in shock from the devastation I witnessed with all of America. I got a lot of phone calls from family in Texas since I was closer to the tragedy, but I was such a safe distance away that there wasn't any real worry. People I know lost love ones, but I was lucky enough to not have anyone close to me hurt. Watching the cops, firefighters and volunteers working tirelessly at ground zero really showed me how admirably people can act in a time of crisis.

I distinctly remember a conversation with my older sister Veronica about how she would be able to explain this tragedy to her two young daughters. She was particularly sad about the children who would no longer have their parents and tried to use that context in talking to them about it. This really emotionally hurt her and her empathy showed so clearly. Two years later when my sister passed away in a car accident, I remembered that conversation with her about the victims and the attack and the affect it would have on their families. In a strange way it gave me insight about how she understood how hard it would now be for her two little girls having to grow up without a mother. I imagined the comfort she wished for those families and it helped me.

Almost 10 years later, my father and I were in Austin driving home from visiting my brother's and his girlfriend's new place when I got a notification on my iPhone that the President was going to speak at 10:30pm EST. No one knew what it was about, so we turned to the news and waited anxiously. We speculated and thought it either had to do with Libya or a terrorist threat of some sort. It was a Sunday night, this had to be urgent. Then as we were nearing my home, we heard the news as it just leaked, that Osama Bin Laden was dead. It felt surreal. I was so happy. My dad hit his hands on the dashboard in celebration. I texted a few friends and family members and then went inside to watch President Obama's speech on TV.

Watching the crowds of people gathered and cheering outside of the White House and outside of Ground Zero really brought joy to my heart. I never thought I would be rejoicing in the death of a person, but this was a good moment for America as he was brought to justice. As I learn the details of how this all transpired, I'm in awe at the Navy Seals and intelligence people who pulled it off and especially at the decision making of our Commander-in-chief. I'm sure there are countless people and countless decisions that got to this point, but we finally got him. There would be questions about Pakistan later, the details of the hows and what happened, but at this moment, all that mattered was that we got him.

In this moment of unity and joy, there are some people already jockeying for political points, trying to attack the president of our country. It puts a damper on the moment. After 9/11, I stood behind a president who I not only didn't agree with, but didn't like. His actions after, I still didn't agree with, namely going to War in Iraq with the argument that it was tied to 9/11, but it didn't change my unity with the country on what we went through. But now, it just bothers me that others are trying to find a way to take this positive moment and try to use it to attack our president, namely on the issue of credit and who knows what else. The more you learn about the mission, the more you see, the President is a badass. Yeah, he isn't liberal enough for me, caters to the Right on so many issues, but I'm not using this time to vent those grievances. It feels like people are saying, "How dare the President take credit for his decisions and actions when it included actions of many?" I will say, those Navy Seals and intelligence people who he gave credit to, and a lot of people in the military are also badasses and I'm in awe of what they do. I look forward to learning more about this.

I have tried to stay away from the political discussion for the most part, but I'm always ready to talk about it. I'll take a break from that stance to say that to make rude comments doesn't make sense to me, especially in the face of points like, back in March 13, 2002, when President Bush said about Bin Laden:

"Who knows if he’s hiding in some cave or not. We haven’t heard from him in a long time. The idea of focusing on one person really indicates to me people don’t understand the scope of the mission. Terror is bigger than one person. He’s just a person who’s been marginalized. … I don’t know where he is. I really just don’t spend that much time on him, to be honest with you."

I actually agree with some of those points by Bush, but Bin Laden was a big deal, even if you argue symbolically. Yes, terror is bigger than one person, and I understand that this won't make things safer, but a murderer was brought to justice. Also, this shows you how actions are more important than words, results over false bravado. The debate on who should get credit for what, the political one, just feels like sour grapes at this moment. A real discussion about ALL the people that played a role is probably productive if it wasn't motivated with bashing people.

I had to get that out, because some things I heard urked me and I had a lot of thoughts and feelings about this great moment. Yes, we all have different political views, we all like an dislike different presidents and politicians. I get that, but how about we just keep the hate held back a bit while we all celebrate. We can go back to fighting over politics another day, but for today, I'm happy we got him.

united

A Changing Grasshopper

2011-04-20T10:37:00.000-05:00

“You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.” - Unknown

I'm sure you know Asoep's fable of The Grasshopper and the Ant. I think of my life this way sometimes and I hate that I identify with the actions of the grasshopper. There are some things where I have been the Ant in my life, especially when it comes to education and hard work. But I must admit, for the most part, I live the life of the grasshopper, enjoying my time and spending too freely, without properly saving/planning for the future. The winter has not hit, but we are all one life changing moment from very hard times. (Watch The Company Men with Ben Affleck and you'll see.) I don't regret all of my spending ways, mainly because I have priceless memories that I would not have had if I had always been doing the financially responsible thing since I turned 18. But still, for the most part, my hope is to take this year to turn my financial habits around and start focusing on this part of my life, especially since I'm picking up a mortgage now. I'm not going to become a super ant, as my grasshopper tenancies will always be there, but I'm going to search for a little more balance. My hope is that by the end of the year to have met with a CPA and a financial planner and have read a few more books on the topic. I pay way too much in taxes because I have not taken the time to plan properly. It is easy to think that my decisions only affect me, but they also affect my family and any future family I may have. Plus, since they affect me, I want them to be good ones.

I have started using Dropbox and think it is a great program. If you don't know what it is, it is a folder on your computer that you can sync with another computer or your phone. You get 2gb free online storage and let's say you are working on a brief for work, you can put it in your Dropbox folder on your work computer and when you get home, it will be there on your home computer. I get 500mb of extra space for each person that joins with my link, so I will shamelessly plug my link here: http://db.tt/QzaZU5s. If you don't like the program, just uninstall it, I get my extra space anyway. I'd appreciate the favor since I'm using it a lot now, especially as a type of backup for my files. I will say that the worst part is that I'm doing exactly what the company wants me to do, shill for them to my friends, but in this case I'll do it since I like the program, but I still feel a bit bad.

I recently saw the movie Source Code and I thought it was very good. It is one of those enjoyable movies where you feel good during and after, but don't really have a reason to watch again. One of the things I thought was interesting was that the male character falls for the female character in a just a few minutes of knowing her and is ready to embark on a relationship with this very attractive women without really knowing who she is as a person. And if you saw the movie, and saw her, you would totally understand how it could be so easy. But I wonder, if it was switched, and a woman had just met this guy/stranger on a train, if in the spur in the moment, she would be content running off with him. Maybe I'm biased by my thinking that men are more irrationally romantic than women. This will make more sense if you see the movie I think.

Along the same lines, I was thinking the other day about how I didn't tell women I had dated enough that they were beautiful. It wasn't that I wouldn't say it, but it became more rare as I got older. It wasn't because I didn't think they were beautiful/gorgeous/pretty, but I knew that each successive time you say it, it seems to mean that much less. Maybe I thought by saying less it would mean something more that way. The problem was that I got so used to not saying it, that I probably got to the point where I wasn't saying it enough and that I regret. This hit me when I was thinking how it would probably take me a really long time before I told a girl I just met that I thought she was beautiful. This didn't feel right and it made me wonder how I changed from the overly affectionate, ok I get it, you love me, to a more withdrawn, guarded person. Don't get me wrong, I can still be a wussie who shares too much too soon, but it is just not as usual. So, I'm not saying I want to be one of those guys who tells every woman she is beautiful and who says it so often that the words become as robotic and meaningless as saying the Our Father as a kid. I just think that you can't take for granted that people always know what you are thinking.

On Sunday, I had my second sailing lesson. This time I went on a bigger boat that went much faster and I had a blast. It is a great way to spend Sundays. Here are a few photos on Facebook. I'm testing out using Facebook public links for my photos to see how it works, but I still prefer Flickr. I hope to keep these lessons up. Abram went racing on Friday, something I have yet to try, but am looking forward to.

This weekend I also went to visit my good friend of mine from high school, Justin. He has been in the Austin area for as long as I have been here, but I've only seen him a few times because life gets busy. We knew each other through school since elementary and at one point as kids I found out that he was kind of my neighbor. We lived out in the country at that time, I'm using that term loosely. It was great catching up with him this weekend and meeting his wife and kids. It is so neat seeing how people have grown up when you have the memory of them from when they were younger. He is a great dad, runs a great business and gave me such great advice. I really enjoyed myself and hope to keep in better touch with more of my friends.

In other news, I bought my Dad an iPad 1 this weekend. He doesn't use computers, but is interested in the stuff that is on them. I figured an iPad would be easier to learn for him and give him access to a lot of information and entertainment. I take the internet for granted and to think he never gets to use it. So I found a used iPad 16gb for sale on craigslist, I made an offer and they accepted. When I got home with the package, I was surprised to find out that it was not just an iPad, but an iPad 3G, which is worth more than what I paid for it. I was happy to have scored such a great deal. I look forward to giving it to him when he comes to visit. Until then, I'll be setting it up for him, i.e. playing with it myself to see if I want an iPad 2.

In trying to be more responsible, I downgraded my cable. That was hard, but I went to the bare minimum and set up my TiVo with over the air reception to get the local channels in HD. That will help me save a few bucks which is cool. If you call the cable company to cancel, you usually get great deals they don't tell you about. I advise you give it a shot, but I guess you need to be willing to cancel, I was.

Construction is still happening on my house. Still waiting on final word on that loan. Here are some new photos of pictures of my house status on Facebook Photos. I was excited to learn that Memorial Day Weekend there is a tax free special on appliances, so I'll be buying my new fridge then. Not sure about buying a washer and dryer yet though. I have a long list of things I need to buy for this new house.

I get Good Friday off this week, so that is awesome. I haven't figured out yet how to best use my weekend. Easter did come fast this year.

everyone except you

Starboard

2011-04-12T18:08:00.012-05:00

"The greatest wealth is health." -Virgil

I have a lot to catch up on, so I'll just jump right into it. Last week, I was talking with Abram and he told me about some sailing lessons he heard about from a co-worker and I decided to sign up and give it a shot. On Sunday, we headed out to Lake Travis and had our first lesson. It was awesome, especially considering I had only been on a sail boat once. We spent an hour in class learning some terminology and basics and then we got on a sail boat for about 2 hours and learned interactively how to sail. The wind was gusting and it made for such an enjoyable experience. I almost lost my hat at one point, but didn't feel that bad when our skipper lost his. Clearly, I still know very little, but I know a lot more than I knew before it. I hope to do it again.

On Thursday, my friend Rick hooked me up with some Guster tickets at Stubbs because he couldn't make it to Austin. I was pretty excited and it was a great concert. They put on a great show. The other great news is that he and his girlfriend are moving to Austin soon. I'm very happy about this because it is great to have more good friends in town. That last time I hung out with them was a lot of fun.

Here is my house update. My closing date and time have been set for May 31, 2011 at 11am. I have all my paperwork in for my loan and I'm waiting for underwriting to get my final approval. As excited as I am, I can't shake the fear things might fall through, so the day I get that final approval I'll give myself license to rest easy. I'm enjoying watching the home go up and can't wait until I'm moved in. I haven't given notice yet on the house I rent because I want to make sure I have it first. My first big purchase is going to be my fridge. I'm usually a big comparison shopper, but in this case I'll probably just go with any stainless steel one that holds my food.

My brother Abram moves out of the house we rent on April 22nd to live closer to his new job. It was a good run and I'll miss having him as a housemate. There have been so many changes going on recently. I can't wait to see his new place and am jealous that he has a jacuzzi tub. He will be taking his two dogs, so our farm will be a little bit smaller.

In more personal news, my grandmother has recently been sick and was in the hospital last week in Ft. Worth. From what I understand, she came down with bronchitis and/or pneumonia, but I know it is more complicated than that since I don't have all the medical background. I learned today that after getting out of the hospital late last week, she had to go back because she started to feel bad again. It is hard not to feel helpless when a person you love is ill, especially when there isn't a lot you can do about it. My main concern is that she is getting all the medical care she needs to make a strong recovery. Because she believes prayer has the capacity to make her feel better, in her case, knowing her family is praying for her I'll admit can have a positive effect. I love my grandmother, as I'm sure you love yours, and I'm glad that my aunts are there taking such great care of her. She is a remarkably strong women who has been through more in her life than I ever will understand, but the effects of age are something none of us can overcome. But you can delay it and I want every moment of wonderful health that is possible for her. My mother is flying up to visit her this weekend and stay for a week, which makes me very happy.

And back to the superficial. Friday, I'm going to see Wet Hot American Summer at the Drafthouse. I invited a lot of friends, but it sold out before most were able to come. This is one of my favorite movies that Rick introduced me to in college. If you haven't seen it, I recommend renting it, you will thank me.

As I'm preparing to move, I'm also doing some spring cleaning in the sense that I'm trying to sell old items that I no longer use. I'm using craigslist and ebay. It is funny how it hurts to part with an item that has been sitting in your closest for years because there "might" be a day when you "might" need it. I'm not clearing much money from it, but it feels good to declutter my life. I'm not a garage sale person, so this is the closest I get to it.

everyone you meet is the main character of their story

The Contract

2011-03-29T19:26:00.004-05:00

“No man but feels more of a man in the world if he have but a bit of ground that he can call his own. However small it is on the surface, it is four thousand miles deep; and that is a very handsome property.” - Charles Dudley Warner

Tuesday, I signed a contract on a new house in Austin. I am very happy and excited. I'll probably close around Memorial Day and then I'll get to go through another important milestone in my life. This doesn't ensure that the house will for sure be mine if conditions are not met, but it is a great step forward in making that happen. This home buying process has been an ordeal, but a positive and challenging one.

Making my decision was difficult. I was down to three choices, 1) a smaller home with the perfect location, small yard and every amenity I would want, 2) a larger home in a less convenient location with no amenities or 3) the exact same larger home in a very far location, with everything I could possible want for much less, but in a brand new neighborhood.

I really wanted to go with the (3) home in the new neighborhood because it cost so much less, but other than being far out of town, there was the resell value issue which ended up playing a big role. Also, it wouldn't be ready until September. So I ended up picking (2) the exact same home in the somewhat inconvenient location, lacking amenities, because I liked it more than (1) the smaller place in the perfect location. The perfect location home cost just as much, but didn't allow off street parking, which I seem to use a lot of if experience is a guide. There were so many other factors I won't go into here but trust me I weighed them. You would not believe the spreadsheets I created, the research I did and the copious questions I asked.

My agent negotiated hard for me and I'm happy with the deal we got worked out. I thought I would be easy to work with and though I did what I could to make her job as easy as possible, I was very hands on and probably demanded a lot of effort. I can send a lot of emails and ask a lot of questions. It is nice having someone who knows what they are doing on your side.

The home is currently being built and will be ready in late May. I'm very excited and can't wait to be living in a house that I own. (Well the bank owns with me, but you get it.) I have always wanted to look at door knobs and be like, "yo, I own that." I mean, if I want, I can knock down walls or do whatever, though I probably won't.

I had planned in this entry to reminisce about Cherry Blossom Festival time in DC and share some thoughts about some of the people that played through in my life, but whose time made an impact. But life got busy, so I figured I'd just do a quick home update. Speaking of, here is a picture of my house in progress.

perfect timing

Hunting

2011-03-21T16:29:00.001-05:00

"Problem solving is hunting. It is savage pleasure and we are born to it." -Thomas Harris

My mind has been consumed with thinking about houses, locations and how much my mortgage payment is potentially going to be. As soon as I got my pre-approval letter, I was able to hit the ground running because I had been doing research on houses in south Austin for over a month. I was able to get my 46 house options down to 26 in short order and then pick my favorite 10-15 from those. I had about 3 favorites. I had a dorky spreadsheet I created that had them all listed and compared on price, size, age, location, granite, and other random items all identified with color. It helped me compare, but I understood it would be a matter of just feeling it when I visited. I wanted my feelings to at least have the added support of some objective background information before I got irrational.

This house shopping process has been more stressful than I expected, but in a good way. I met with my Realtor for coffee last week and we talked for over an hour about what I was looking for, my wants and needs and what the process was like. I know about a lot of things, and educated myself on this, but there was a lot more than I didn't know, and probably lots still have have no clue about. She impressed me with her patience, how hard she works and how clearly she explains things.

We scheduled our first visit out to see homes on Thursday, and I got to finally walk a few homes that I only knew from pictures. I found a front runner, which I used for comparison for my future homes. It was a cozy home that included appliances and maybe even some furniture. It's best attribute was the location which was exactly what I wanted.

Saturday, I went to visit a neighborhood builder on my own because I had a feeling I might find something there that might be in my price range. I spent a few hours there discussing their floorplans and looking at examples of houses. The big day was Sunday. I had a marathon session with Abram and my Realtor to hit the rest of my favorite homes. I was out from 2-6pm and was very thankful to have Abram there in my corner giving me his insight. I know this is going to be my personal decision, but you need a second set of eyes and advice when making such a big purchase. My friends and family's comments, which were on my spreadsheet, were also very helpful. Every place I saw I felt like I liked, and I was concerned that it would be difficult to pick the right place. After we were done for the day, I had a lot to think about, but by bed time I made my decision. It is a trade off for a location that isn't as good though.

I have told my Realtor which house I want to make an offer on and what I wanted to spend, and am now letting her take care of of the negotiations from here on out. Have you ever seen the business sign:? "Work performed $20," "Let you watch $25," "Let you help, $40." I hope I'm not that kind of client.

I am happy with my decision. If I end up getting my first option, it is currently being built and will not be ready until late May. Talk about delayed satisfaction, but that isn't too far away. I won't feel like it is mine and can't be taken away/have the loan fall through, until I sign at closing. Until then, I'll see myself as a renter. But this is all cart-before-the-horse stuff, considering that no offer has been made yet. Exciting times I will say.

type A

Pre-Changes

2011-03-14T15:38:00.002-05:00

"Home is where one starts from." - T. S. Eliot

The good news I got today was that I got a pre-approval letter on a loan to purchase a house here in Austin. Now I can start shopping for a home. This is exciting and stressful at the same time because your commitment issues really come to the surface as you try to fight against your impulsive shopping decision tenancies. It is great news and follows a slew of changes that have characterized this new year.

I'm going to try my best to be responsible and make the best decision I can. I have a list of needs and wants and I hope I can get a lot of my wants at a good price. First need is a nice backyard for my dog and then the rest is mostly for me.

There is one thing that I must say that I am looking forward to. When I graduated from law school I received an expensive bottle of Whiskey as a gift from a family friend. I thought that I would drink it when I had something important to celebrate. The thing was that years passed and nothing ever seemed to merit opening the bottle. It isn't even that expensive where it had to be a huge event, but I wanted it to be meaningful and well life has been more of a slow and steady wins the race these past few years. So I decided, I am opening the bottle on the evening that I get to close on a new home. This is a huge goal for me that I have had for quite some time and I'm still working towards it, but it will be a moment that will be fit for that drink.

Thursday, I went to my cousin Rino's place to have dinner. His fiancée, Jessica, cooked for us. It had been a while since we caught up. I had a very good time. There are so many people in Austin that are so close, yet that I don't see enough, if at all. Rino and Jess are doing a lot of stuff in preparation for their wedding this coming November. I feel like I have no clue what goes into all that. I hope that when I get to the point of my life that I'm going through that, I'll get to be the stereotypical guy whose only responsiblity is to show up on the big day. That, I'm pretty sure, I can do. We also chatting about eating changes and they had some pretty good advice.

well handled

Day of Celebration

2011-03-08T16:42:00.000-06:00

"Celebrate what you want to see more of." -Tom Peters

Last Friday was a good news day, well not like super huge, but just a general happy day. I got together with friends and family to celebrate a few positive developments in everyones' lives.

First, my friend Christina got a raise and a bonus at work, which she undoubted earned and raises are always awesome. Then my brother Abram just got hired for a new job, one I think he will do great at. My friend Oscar also recently got a raise at work, a place that he has been wise to invest the last 9 years of his life. Lots of nice positive steps forward in life that make me happy.

I wish I had exciting news on that level, but I will say a small positive development for me was that I finally got my car refinanced Friday. It was a year later than I had wanted, but was still very important for me to do since I was paying too much in interest. That took a huge burden off and reminded me that I need to pay more attention to interest rates. Friday also happened to be the day that I filed a brief for work that I was working hard on and that always feels good.

So Friday night we headed for dinner at Trudys. There were 8 of use total. Dinner was nice, but I always feel like with any more than 4 people at a table you can't really have a good conversation and have to break up into smaller conversations. Throw in cross talk and I always feel like some people are being left out. Now in a bar situation, any number of friends is a good number because you can easily move around.

But the food was great and the company was fun. That was the same place I had my first greyhound. After dinner, we headed to a bar, had a few drinks and called it a night early. A lot of the night was about catching up with friends we hadn't seen in a while.

My random thought of the day is FB related. "National Unfriend Day" was on November 17, 2010, but then there was another one called "Unfriend Day" on this Friday, March 4, 2011. All this unfriending, people should just agree on one day already. For some reason, probably boredom, I actually took the time to go through my FB friends and remove those I really don't know well enough, don't chat with and for the most part have hidden. I will say that I was surprised with some of the people that made the cut. I like having people I know real well and those I don't know that well because you added them originally for a reason. Some people are only somewhat acquaintances, those you met once and never ran into again. But over the years I feel like I have gotten to know some of them via their FB feed updates and consider them genuine FB friends. Unfriending them at this point just wouldn't make sense because even though I feel like I know more "about them" than "actually them," you get somewhat invested in their story and like to see what happens next. People go through relationships, have children, share really interesting links.

still waiting

Sweet Fifteen

2011-02-28T16:52:00.007-06:00

"The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together." -Erma Bombeck

This weekend I went home for my niece Sarah's 15th Birthday Party, or as it is known in my culture, her quinceanera. I had a very enjoyable time and though I admit that I'm not a proponent of quinceaneras in general, I went in support and had a great evening since I am a fan of birthdays. I went to one or two when I was 15 or so and stood up in one of them. I have a fuzzy memory, so I don't really recall what went into it though. They were common growing up.

My brother Abram and I left Austin after work on Friday and made it to the Valley a little after 10pm. This is where I normally clean up, find some friends and go and have some drinks. I was exhausted though and decided to go straight to bed instead. Little did I know I would be needing that rest the next day.

My mom was fighting off a sickness, which is never fun, but she was a trooper all weekend. Saturday morning I visited with my father over breakfast, and later picked up a small bottle of Maker's Mark since the event allowed hard liquor. I figured that would be more than enough for me, but I threw in a bottle of Parrot Bay rum for family. Then I went over to my sister Ana's house to hang out with all the kids while they got ready. So my sister Ana's daughter Sarah was the birthday girl, my sister Eliza's daughter Victoria was a dama (like a bridesmaid), and my sister Vero's daughter Jamie was also a dama. Sarah's little brother Michael was also in it. Eliza was also over helping out with hair and whatnot. I caught everyone on their way out to their family church thing before the reception. My sister Ana looked great and not just because of the efforts she had made to get in shape. I think she made a good dress choice. She looked a like a very proud mother.

I arrived at the hall and was impressed with the scale of the event. I imagine if I had a wedding reception this big I'd be lucky. The whole event had characteristics that were a reflection that Sarah's dad that put a lot of work into it. I put aside the fact that I might do things differently and just appreciated all the hard work that went into the evening, it was apparent. We took some formal family pictures with Sarah and I dropped off my gift in the card box. Dinner then started, and after eating, I visited will extended Alaniz family that I hadn't seen in quite some time. My niece Bekkah hung out with us and even her family able to make it. That is my favorite part of family gatherings like this, that you get to catch up with so many people.

Sarah was wearing a light pink dress that had pearls sewed on and looks white only from a distance. She looked very pretty and happy. Then the whole presentation started and I'm probably not well equipped at describing it without over simplifying it, but there was an introduction, and then a few dance numbers. The kids all did great and I was impressed with their dance routines. They looked like there were having fun. You can tell they put in many hours into the preparation. It was also the first time there has been an event where 4 of my nieces/nephews were all participating. I thought the idea of wearing pink laced converse with their dresses was cute. Below are my nieces, Tori and Jamie.

So here are all my Flickr photos of the event. I also posted a few on Facebook.

We finally called it a night and said our good nights as the kids continued to have fun on the dance floor. The whole thing went very well from my perspective.

After the party, I went with Abram to hang out with his good friend Elaine. They have been good friends since high school and I have gotten to know Elaine better over the years. She is quite the up and coming business woman I must say and her professional advancement is always impressive, but was more so on this occasion. We also met up with a married couple they have known since high school. The night took the usual path of drinks at various bars, the lively discussion of random topics, mixed in with a little reminiscing. It was fun. I learned that when a place has the word Irish in the name, that that can sometimes be a misnomer if all you hear is Spanish music, and that it is hard to go out in your hometown without running into familiar faces. We all returned back to her place where Elaine's boyfriend came home with some friends and her little sister showed up with the worst tasting diet Big Red drink I have ever tried. We shot the shit for a few hours and I was happy to find out that maybe more people might check in on my blog than I might imagine. I hadn't drank like this for a while I have to say. I scored a free t-shirt, but I don't remember the context, yet I am a fan of free t-shirts and it was a nice surprise.

Here is a funny thought I had that night while out drinking, that common sense should have made apparent. What I will say is about it is that no matter how adorable that college co-ed might be, once the conversations shifts to how unfair it is when your parents don't respect your privacy when you are in your bedroom, you know there is a reason for the half your age plus 7 rule. It makes for a funny moment, if only in my head.

Sunday, I said my goodbyes and made what felt like a much longer trip back to Austin. There is never enough time on short trips like this and there were a few friends I missed out on getting to hang out with. Not to mention friends I have promised to hit up when I visit home. I'm sure it won't be long before I have occasion to visit again though.

not really like samson

Yearly Physical

2011-02-24T15:20:00.004-06:00

"You may delay, but time will not." - Benjamin Franklin

I mentioned in one of my recent entries that in December I started making an effort to change how I was approaching my health. I figured I'd write an overview entry on my thoughts while I have been taking these steps. I by no means imply that I have any knowledge about health or nutrition since I'm sure my information is about as misinformed as most of us. Today I had my yearly physical to see where I was health wise.

I was in great shape in college, man that was long ago. Then again during my first year of law school while I lived in Miami, but starting in my second year until the present I've thrown out everything I know and just adopted habits that I thought I would somehow be immune to. I would worry less because I know how to lift/workout, I know how to run, I know how to eat right. The problem was that the gap between knowing and doing started small and grew to a point where I started to forget what I knew and didn't even consider that there was probably a lot that I had wrong. Bad habits creep up on you and before you notice, they are not habits, but just the way you are.

Everything started for me when I read the book Born to Run. It really inspired me to start running. I have always disliked running, especially for distance. I always blamed my asthma and low arches and used it as an excuse. Even when I was in college playing lightweight football, I was able to get my 40 yard dash speed impressively low, but still never cared for running for distance. I had good cardio, but still was not a fan of running for the enjoyment of it unless it was for a sport. The book made me think differently about running.

So, one of things I have learned in life is that there are a lot of limitations you put on yourself that you don't fully recognize. It all starts with a small thought that becomes a belief. Confronting limiting beliefs is hard. For example, I'm not a person that runs, dances, or is always happy and cheerful. I'm not musical, artistic, or funny. As if somehow these are innate abilities and not things you learn by putting effort towards. (Note: I do not discount that some people may have natural advantages, but I think they actually only make a negligible difference in outcomes.) I started challenging a lot of things I believed about myself. Foods I told myself I didn't like, I tried again for the first time. So on running, I picked up a pair of Vibrams and started running, but that wasn't the real change I'm writing about today, because honestly, my journey on running is yet to come, it was something different that I call my personal placebo effect.

Having the feather in Dumbo's hat can make a world of difference in the confidence you feel. Whether the feather actually makes a difference or not isn't the point though. In the book, they mentioned wheatgrass as great source of nutrition and I was impressed that a lot of ultra-marathoners swore by it. Usually I wouldn't think much of it, but a few good friends of mine had talked to me about wheatgrass in the past and just like the neti-pot, I listened, but discounted it to hype and over enthusiasm. But now that I had someone else mention it, I thought that this was something worth trying. I ordered some powdered wheatgrass online and gave it a try. I was very impressed with the way it made me feel. I started to read up on it and I was discouraged by how oversold it was, I mean, when something is promised to cure almost everything, you have this feeling of warranted skepticism when you hear things like that knowing that you have to take the information with a grain of salt. So, I make no claims as to its health effects, but I can say it wasn't bad for me, which was good (it probably is good for me I will say) and second, it served as a catalyst for change.

Wheatgrass is like the gateway drug of green superfoods. I learned about all these other grasses that were also good, including barley, kale, etc. and then I tried my first green superfood. It had a lot less wheatgrass since it was a mix, but had a lot of other good stuff, so I felt like I was covering my bases since NONE of this was in my normal diet. Then after trying a few products, I found the supplement that I have used until today and with no financial interest would recommend to anyone. It is called Vitamineral Green. It is a super green food mix and I consider it my daily multivitamin. I'm not saying all its claims are verifiable, but even if the health effect is small, it is my personal feather in Dumbo's hat. I take it in the morning mixed with V8 Fusion Light and have it again with my dinner. It helps me feel more awake in the morning and maybe best of all, when I'm drinking it, I'm not drinking something else, which I would normally have at that time, like a soda. It comes in a pretty cool looking bottle.

My next step was giving up coke. Now I'm not making any proclamations here because as terrible as coke/HFCS is for me (and you), it is still my favorite drink. But 3 a day is way too many and though I was able to move to only 2 a day, my doctor told me that 2 a week was pushing it. So cold turkey I went and everyone knows what caffeine withdraw feels like. Having water at a restaurant just feels weird or wrong, but I started to do it. It was a small change and after a month with no cokes, I let myself have one every Sunday. That I would say was my most significant change mentally.

None of these changes had anything to do with a silly resolution, but New Years did play a role. I was out with some friends and we got to talking about their diets (by that I mean foods they have been eating for years.) They were like vegetarian, but with fish. pescatarian? So I took that as inspiration to add more fish to my diet and picked a few meals that I enjoyed and pretty much only have that. Not all of it is super healthy, but comparatively to what I ate before it is much better. That day also reinforced my motivation to work harder taking my nutrition seriously. For how long I wondered.

There is more motivating me than just vanity, mainly that fact that I had a physical coming up and the last time I had one my cholesterol numbers were super high. To the point I was given meds to lower it, which I did not take for self serving reasoning that has no medical justification. I needed to make an improvement because I know that heart disease is a real possibility and there is no point helping it out. Though, I won't kid you, vanity is nice and provides the core of the motivation.

So now, in about two months, I have dropped 21 pounds and it wasn't too difficult. I hope to get my last 15 done in the next three months. Now that I'm at a good weight though, I'm focusing on lifting more and getting stronger. That is a project in itself. Your mind sees weights and remembers what you could lift and then you find out that man, that feels impossible now. Another uphill battle just to get to where you had once started. Luckily, I have always enjoyed the gym.

Here is the status of my progress which is only apparent if you have seen me in the past two years.

You might notice that my cat Mia on the right, who decided to photo bomb, needs to go on a diet, something I have yet to figure out since my other cats are under weight. It is just hard to feed them separately, but I'm working with my vet on that.

Now it is easy to say that moderation is the key and that once I hit my goal I'll stop creating a calorie deficit and practice moderation. The truth is that I don't have a strong plan for when I reach my goal. I have time to make one though. In reality, I know that there is a real chance that I'll slip back into my old habits and over time be back to where I was in 2010 if not worse. I feel like the girl that tells you how bad her cheating boyfriend is and why she broke up with him. Then to only, not too long later, end up back with him with a hidden sense of shame. I have no grand illusions, but knowing that, I hope I can come up with a plan on how to deal with my moderation plan. I want to be able to eat at restaurants, have ice cream and popcorn at the movies. So as long as my main routine meals are good, those may become options, but we will see. If only it was that easy.

The truth is that I will probably have to consult with a nutritionist since everyone has their own theories and advice on what to eat. There is so much conflicting information, from the debates over calories out/calories in to all calories are not created equal. Then we have when to have carbs and how important fruits are to ones nutrition. I'll probably go over what I eat and figure out how to improve it.

As you probably realized, this entry was mainly for myself, like a form of self talk, to see where I stood and what my plan was. Eating better isn't that deep or revolutionary warranting an entry, but for some reason writing about it helps with the motivation. It cleared some things up for me I will say.

Today, Thursday, I had my physical and got the results from my cholesterol blood test. They came back much better than before, but they are still too high considering my risk factors. I guess am on a good track though. That made me feel better, but the real test is to return a year from now for my physical and have even better results. Everything else checked out great which I was happy to hear. Did you know you turn your head to cough only so that you don't cough on the doctor?

Now beware, words are self serving and I realize I neglected to mention a lot of things I know I'm doing wrong and motivation I have yet to act on. Things are never all rosy and positive. I know those things are there, I know my history and my habits. I hope to move those into the positive category too, but opining about them just isn't productive unless it is to find a solution. What I did share was honest and if you got here, full of more detail than I intended.

no need to label it

More than Complicated

2011-02-15T17:50:00.005-06:00

“I realized I loved you, and I didn’t want to be married to somebody I didn’t love. I wanted to be married to you. It isn’t all that complicated.” - Fireworks by Richard Ford

I hope everyone had a Happy Valentine's Day! I have never viewed this holiday cynically, but I have never been a real huge fan either. I think a day where you really focus on the idea of love is important and I'm kind of tired of all the "it's too commercialized" arguments you hear from unhappy discontents. People can celebrate it how ever they want, that goes for you too. I enjoy the single awareness day tag that it has been given in recent years, but though it makes me chuckle, I don't really see it as that. Sometimes it is just fun to get all dressed up and celebrate for the sake of celebrating. It isn't like its the only romantic time of the year.

This weekend my friend Christina went horseback riding with some of my other friends. I didn't go because I wanted to be responsible and save some money for my house downpayment. They had quite the adventure, especially Christina who was able to stand up to her fears and well watch them come true, making her defeat them. It has been a long time since I have been horseback riding, but even longer since I have been on jet skis. That is on my list for this summer. Like the saying goes, you have never seen an unhappy person on a jet ski. I might be too old for spring break, but not for a trip for a Caribbean island.

The Superbowl has long past, but it was pretty exciting weekend. I was happy that Green Bay won, especially since my cousin Rino is a huge fan. Abram had a Superbowl party at the house which got a good turn out. It was timely that we just got the carpet cleaned because it really made the place look nicer. My favorite commercial was the one with the little Darth Vader. All I could think about was how I have to go to Cowboys stadium next year.

On last Wednesday night, I went to a pot luck dinner party with friends in San Marcos. My friend Christina came with me and we took wine and salad. It felt like a real grown up thing to do. The host's home was really nice. Since I'm looking, I like seeing different layouts and what works best for me. I really liked how the kitchen's bar faced the living room. I really like that setup. The main course was eggplant, which even now I'm not sure if I liked, but I'd have no problem trying it again. I learned a lot about Chinese weddings and played Risk for the very first time. I was not very good and lost quickly for being too aggressive. It is fun to attack. Part of me prefers pizza and poker I must say.

Last week, the dictator of Egypt finally stepped down and I was very happy. I'm very pro-democracy, but not by means of war. There is a lot of fear mongering about what this will mean, considering that if you get rid of a dictator that was our friend, it can be substituted by voting in some religious nut that might take the country into a worse place. (Also what I worry about with Republicans for 2012, but that is my personal politics.) The fact is that there are risks in democracy that the right leaders might not be picked, but I'd rather have the freedom to choose than have a benevolent dictator who keeps stability (in which case this one was not.) With freedom comes responsibilities and to say that being under a dictator is better than being free because it serves our country's best interests makes no sense to me. I don't know what is going to happen next, but I really hope they have free and fair elections. Here is hoping to a positive outcome and that this sentiment may spread in the region. Looking at you Iran.

Due to the cold weather as of late, I've had to put my outdoor running aside for a bit. I will admit, part of me just took the excuse to be lazy. Now that things are getting sunny, I hope to rev up again and hopefully increase my miles. A half marathon still seems like an impossible goal right now, but I'm going to keep trying. I've done all my running in my Vibrams and I am still happy with them, though I still have terrible form. The eating changes I made a few months ago are feeling more normal, but my cheat day each week worries me. One day where I can have bad food makes me feel like I'm more willing to go bad to old habits than if I just tried to stay away from everything forever. Then again, really how realistic is it to never have ice cream again, or enjoy a soda. Speaking of eating right, here is a health blog one of my friends just set up: http://eatingforlife.blog.com/ The start of law school was the last time I took on a being more healthy project like this and I was pleased with my commitment then. I also had a schedule where I could spent hours in the morning in the gym, but there are always excuses.

I feel like I have learned the most about parenting from Facebook posts, as an uncle 7 times over and from conversations with my friends about their kids. Here are a few lessons I have learned. I mean everything in a lighthearted way, especially considering I don't understand the first thing about parenting and have a lot of respect for parents since they have an important task-making sure they raise a good human being. I'll do my best to tread these waters carefully because lesson one is that parents take things super seriously, especially when it in any way is related to their children. Constructive criticism is a no no, so pipe down if you think there might be a better way to handle a certain situation. Though, they have no problem telling you what others are doing wrong, which is kind of cool and also how most people are about life in general. I thought I enjoyed taking pictures of my pets, but I'd say that at least 50% of a parent's pictures are of their kids. Though I find it interesting that if they have more than one kid, then that starts to decrease, and seems to be a bigger ratio when you have just one. Second, kids are super smart now, but for some reason their teacher has it out for them. I don't know how to reconcile this with the fact that test scores keep dropping across the country. I have learned a lot about childhood illnesses and by that I mean colds/rashes/stomach aches, from Facebook, which make me worry that dealing with a child when they are sick is super stressful because it happens so often. I have been told that I'll never understand [insert parenting topic here] because I am not a mother, which means even when I have kids, I still won't get it. Birthday parties are super important, even if the child is 2 and won't remember any of it. (Not an argument for it not being important, but maybe for a bit of restraint.) Next, people really really enjoy going on dates with their kids. Part of me could never imagine my mom calling taking the kids out to the drive-in as a date night. Oh and when kids are away, this is a super sad time when all you can think about is how much you miss them and can't wait for them to get back home. Kids require a lot of driving to and from places-I knew this, but it really started to sink in. Oh, and you can't forget that kids are the reason for living, which worries me sometimes because I enjoy living too. Here are some things I do fine adorable, Halloween costumes, babies in pj's with animal ears on them, and how much some kids resemble their parents, since I knew some of those parents when they were kids. I'm sure I have other observations that slip my mind right now, but I'll keep a running tally.

I recently discovered Reddit and I must say I'm pretty addicted. Such a great website and that is because I just read the posts, instead of adding anything because I could see that as becoming a slippery slope of trying to get up votes. It is worth checking out and I catch a lot of news and funny things there before it is picked up.

biting off more than I can chew

Short Sale

2011-02-01T13:52:00.003-06:00

"The past is strapped to our backs. We do not have to see it; we can always feel it." -Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

More than half a month since my last entry. (And I didn't even post this entry until much later after I wrote it.) My motivation to write has been waning. I don't have a good excuse, except maybe that I haven't had a lot to say. I have a feeling I'll be writing less often for the next few months.

On Monday, January 31, I took my 7 month old kitten Maddie to get fixed. I felt bad because she was going to have surgery, but knew that it was the best thing for her. She was a champ on the half hour ride to clinic and didn't meow very much. Koki on the other hand has an anxiety attack each time I put her in the car and it is very hard on me to hear her yelling while I take her to the vet. The check in was pretty simple and I was impressed with how many animals this place deals with daily. I picked Maddie up after work and she looked very sleepy. I felt guilty knowing that she was in pain. When she got home, she hid under the bed and slept. I gave her pain meds before bed and again in the morning. I hope she heals quickly. Glad I don't have any animals left to get fixed.

I have had one goal for many years, to buy a house. I feel too old to not have a house and ever since I was a kid, I bought into the American dream of home ownership. So that is one of my goals for 2011. I've got my life in order to make it happen, but I'm still working out the details with the mortgage people. It may be that I have to wait another 6 months or so, but one thing is for sure, I'm going to keep moving towards my goal. I've tried not getting ahead of myself and looking at homes to closely, but from what I have browsed, house shopping looks like a fun process. So many things to think about and pros and cons to weigh. I found out that I like when the kitchen is open and value larger bedrooms as opposed to larger living rooms. It is funny how things like appliances, granite counters and a jet tub influence your much larger home buying decision. When I do get a home, I'm going to install a doggy door for sure. Maybe even an interior cat door. It is fun to imagine stuff, now it is time to figure out how to make it happen.

I read the most interesting article the other day. It has to do with how men judge women who were once fat and now lost weight differently than women treat men in that situation.

"[Women] typically see positive change as a good thing. When people notice a frog become a prince, they tend to think more highly of the frog in retrospect," Geier said. "However, [men] rated thin women as less attractive when they were allowed to view the 'before' pictures. Seeing that a thin woman was once obese apparently detracts from her present appearance."

Sadly, this made sense to me, but I'm not exactly sure why. I hear from women that they are treated very differently based on that too. In either case, getting healthy is a good thing.

On a somewhat similar topic, Childhood obesity linked to habits, not heredity: U-M study.

"Because the eating and exercise patterns of obese children were so different than their normal weight peers, researchers concluded that lifestyle was more closely linked with childhood obesity, than genetics."

This is pretty obvious, but I think a lot of people feel better blaming it on genetics and not their lifestyle. I worry a lot about the childhood obesity problem since it always seems to be getting worse.

So why the discussion on weight? Probably because I have been changing my eating habits and it has been on my mind. Since late December I have changed what I eat daily and have given up cokes completely. I now understand why alcoholics can't have "just one beer." I feel like if I have a coke, I'll relapse back to my 3 a day habit that took years to move to 2 a day. With an eating change and some running I've dropped about 15 pounds in a month and a half, but with 20 more to go before I hit a healthy BMI, I don't have a lot to be excited about. It hasn't been too bad, but sometimes I worry I'm just going to wake up and start eating all kinds of bad food. I haven't eaten so much salmon in my life. The Superbowl is going to be a hard test food wise. I really hope to keep the running up, which I used to not be fond of. The part I do hate is that this all occurred during the stereotypical New Year's Resolution time period. I am not a fan of resolutions, since they implicitly carry with them the understanding that most people quit. It was a change I started before the New Year, and one I expect to keep for a few more months and then I'll figure out a plan from there.

a new deal

Arctic Cold

2011-01-12T21:37:00.001-06:00

"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is fourteen days." -Totie Fields

College football season is now over and the Superbowl is around the corner. Football season is my favorite part of the year. I wish I played more pick up touch football games, but it is hard to get the people together. It has been a long time since my last game in college. I think next year I'm going to look into volunteering to coach for a Jr. High team, though I think high school would be more fun. Then again I wonder if I have the dedication to show up each day if I was only helping and since I really just get to watch. Thinking about it, I haven't been to many professional football games in my life. I hope to change that this coming year. Maybe even check out Cowboy's Stadium for myself. Hell, it has been years since I have played Madden or NCAA football on PlayStation. I bet that would be fun.

Tuesday was 1/11/11, looks meaningful, but is really meaningless if you think about it. It makes me wonder how all the 7/7/07 marriages are doing. I like ascribing random meaning to events based on unrelated numbers we use to label them. Friday 13th anyone? I'm still looking forward to 11/11/11 for some reason.

There was a point, not that many years ago, that I decided that my lifestyle, health and weight had gotten out of control and a change was needed. I started a workout and eating program that got me in the best shape over 4 months since college sprint football. The interesting point here is that the point/weight/health I started from, where all hope was lost, where I was unhappy is actually a pretty lofty goal from where I am standing right now. Interesting how perspective changes things. What was unacceptable at one point becomes a goal in another. The solution of course is to just focus on the same former goal and ignore the incidental goal on the way there. Though as a stop gap, it is cool to tell people you just met that you just lost 50 pounds and they always look at you better I think. I've done great though, not having any cokes for the past week. I don't play to give up cokes since I like them, but I was able to get down to 2 a day for the past few years, and recently cut it to 1 and now 0. One of the problems I have is that I don't like not being able to do something or not being able to have something. The other day I was hearing about how milk was bad for you and how you should cut it out of your diet. Well I haven't drank milk since I was a little kid and hearing that made me think, man if I tried to give up milk it would be hard...yet I haven't had it in over 25 years.

Things are quiet right now I must say. I saw The Fighter and Black Swan and I recommend both. This arctic cold has come in making thing much chillier than usual. It really isn't that big of a deal though. I wish we could get some snow or something, but it is Austin and snow is rare. My self directed guitar lessons have slowed down because my music reading skills have not improved. It takes too long for my eyes to see a note, then decide what note it is, then which fingers I have to move where. Though tabs my mind is pretty quick about, but I want to learn to read actual music as I'm starting out. I might take some real in person lessons soon, so that might help me get more motived and move forward.

I paid to renew my flickr account so that all my pictures could be up. I don't know why I care about that, but I like having all my photos available for some reason. Speaking of, I need to updated the links on the side of my blog of my pictures. 2010 is completely missing. Oh, I moved my website over to a new host, which now only forwards the link to blogspot. I should have done that long ago. The problem is that all my old entries from my pre-blogger days, I'm talking 99-2003 or so are now all offline. My best stuff is there I think, but it so long ago, maybe one person a year ever saw those pages, so I decided to stop hosting them. I need to do something with those entries. [None of this will make sense to my fb notes re-publishing of my blog entries.]

Middle-School Friends Are Critical For Future Success is what a new study says and I agree completely. I think one of the reasons I did well in school was that my friends were such good role models. I fought to keep up with them, in some cases fought to keep in front of them, but the goal was always to learn more and do better. Everyone turned out pretty well I must say. I will always be grateful for having such great friends in high school, college, law school and post-college. I admire the majority of my friends and they all motivate me to work harder and be better.

that is how you know it was a relationship worth having

Fresh Start

2011-01-04T13:36:00.006-06:00

“I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning...” - Joseph Priestley

So this is it, this is the new year. It feels a lot like the previous year. I don't know why each year I feel like there is going to be some magical change, first on my birthday, where I'm going to somehow start to feel a year older and then after the new year when I'm going to feel even more different than just a few days ago because the number at the end of my checks is different by one digit. I have felt this way since I was a kid and even though there never really is a change of feeling, in retrospect, there always feels like there was. Maybe I it is due to my habit of idealizing the past and making it what I want. That said, in my mind, things do feel a bit different, but nothing I can really put into words. I do not have any big habit or pattern changes in store, but I'm working on small ones which will hopefully take.

Getting back into the rhythm of work hasn't been too bad. I've been trying to organize my office, but I have a feeling I'm just going to end up putting things where I no longer know where they are. I spent so much of my life, proportionately, at the office, so it does make sense to make it as organized and comfortable as possible. That said, I need a new chair, but I still can't justify the expense for one. I wish I had room for a couch in my office, how great would it be to be able to take a nap during lunch. I'm pretty happy with my setup though.

On Tuesday, I made my first Groupon purchase. It was for a full house carpet cleaning for $59. I was looking to pay for that service anyway, so it worked out. Now I have to actually see how good the service is. I had to schedule it for February because the calendar filled up fast, but I was able to get it on a Saturday so that I would be home to watch. I wonder if I have to move my bed or not.

There was this comic that I used to read daily for years. It is called Pooch Cafe and is probably still my favorite. I have not read it since 6/15/10 and the thought of going back and reading each day seems a bit daunting. It sucks when something you enjoy just becomes work, but maybe I should just wait until the next book comes out with all the cartoons from 2010 and just read them then. It would save a lot of clicking. You know, I haven't been reading Pearls Before Swine either, but that stopped probably in September or so. This probably says more about my all or nothing mentality about things. If I'm I'm not going to read each comic, then I'd rather read no comics. That theme manifests itself in other ways in my life.

My brother's dog Memphis got fixed this week and it is hard not to feel bad for him, but it was a good decision I'm sure. I still need to fix my cat Maddie, but part of me is putting it off because it sucks to see her in the after surgery pain. I know she will heal, but I'm not good with that type of stuff. I'm still working on training my dog Chloe, but I've been kind of stagnate in that department. I'm happy with sit and down, but I still have a lot of work.

we finally agreed

Moment by Moment

2011-01-01T21:55:00.000-06:00

"Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle." - Eric Zorn

It is the new year, 2011, an arbitrary time where we give ourselves license to start over after taking stock of the previous years. We make goals and even sometimes take a few steps in their direction before settling back into the old patterns that made the necessity to need to pick this time of year to get motivated again. I enjoy the reflecting, but I also enjoy the wishing.

2010 was year that seemed like any other, but during that year, a lot of small things happened that have had a positive impact on my life and some other things that hurt. It was a year I got my sight, lost a good friend and found out that financial goals mean nothing when you don't have a real plan. It was the year I had nothing left to let go of, but still felt like I was holding on. I finally visited DC after being gone for three years. I probably went on more dates during the year than I had in the previous five. I saw relationships around me develop, and some take some big steps forward. I attended a lot of weddings and saw a good friend become a father. I got another dog and another cat and swear that I'm done with more animals. It was the year I openly came to terms with being agnostic, and I'm glad it wasn't a big deal. Then there are the small changes I'm not even aware of, in habits and thinking that put me where I'm today.

2011 isn't this magic year where I'm going to change who I am or climb any mountains, but it is a year I'm going to continue on the path I have been following. I'll continue to pursue my goals, short and long term, with the ultimate goal of trying to be a better person each day, one I fall short of at times. My expectations are so low it feels at times and others I look at what I've done and feel accomplished. I don't want to be inhibited to go grander and bigger and not be content with being good because I'm scared of failing at being great. The truth is that I don't know what the year has in store for me, but I have a lot in store for it.

I'm going to take a step back. On Dec. 27th, I turned 31 years old. I am now for sure in my thirties and the only way out is my forties. I came back to Austin to celebrate my birthday because, well, my last one wasn't what I expected. The day was not spectacular, but I very much enjoyed it nevertheless. My friend Oscar, who I share a birth day and year with, invited me out with him and his family for dinner. It was very kind of them and I had a blast. I finally got to see his niece who is now going on 3 years old and she is adorable. I had an enjoyable time and then went out for drinks afterward. It was a Monday night, so it wasn't like things were really happening, but my Maker's and I started the next year of life off well. I also found out that I was born at 2:16pm. I never knew this, of if I did, I had forgot. I was very moved by all the birthday wishes, it just means a lot that people think of you and send you their well wishes.

I enjoyed the rest of my holiday break leading up to New Year's Eve. There was a lot of rest, cleaning and organizing. Oh and the football.

I spent New Year's Eve at the Highball with Oscar, Clarita and Sarita. It is becoming one of my favorite bars. Our celebration started early, with dinner and drinks as a jazz/swing 40s band played. It was expensive, but nevertheless a great deal. We had a great time and when we were done, they cleared the tables and had a music of the decades dance party changing decades each half hour until midnight. I happened upon more free drinks than I have had in quite some time. It felt like, well being a girl at any bar at any time. I hadn't drank that much in quite some time and rang in the new year with a lot of joy. I will note though, that moment when the clock hit midnight, I felt happy in my drunken bliss, but for a second as I looked around the room as all the couples kissed, a part of me had a flashback of kisses through the years pass by my mind as I cleared my thoughts with a hearty drink of champagne. It was one of my most enjoyable New Year's in quite some time. Here we are dinner below and I have my pictures of the night here.

My friend Christina was out of town at her dear friend's wedding. I think she would have enjoyed New Years with us, but I'm sure she had a special and great time. I look forward to hearing how her MOH speech went. I have never had to do a best man speech before, I hope I get to one of these days. I wonder if people will enjoy old college stories as much I enjoy them.

I got the New Year started off on with a bad omen. My cat Koki had an anxiety peeing episode on my bed and happened to get my iPhone. What an expensive accident. That really sucked. It felt weird being cut off from the world, but mainly not having this gadget that I'm always checking. It is weird how dependent we become on things. So don't worry, I'll assume you called me when my phone was dead, and that way I won't feel neglected by anyone. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'll figure something out.

I'm back to work Monday and I'm looking forward to it. The next break feels far away though.

now it really feels real, but why does it not feel like a good thing

The Holiday

2010-12-26T20:43:00.002-06:00

“They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” Carl W. Buechner

The holiday was eventful, full of family, friends and introspection. I got off of work on the 23rd and headed down the Rio Grande Valley to visit my family. The night I got in, I had drinks with my friend Rick and my friend JR. When you don't see someone for a while, you hope that you will have better updates, but mine felt pretty stagnate. In either case, it feels good being around friends and talking about life. We hit up my favorite bar and caught up.

Christmas Eve, a night my family used to celebrate Christmas on, not much was happening around my house. It is interesting to see how Christmas evolves each year, but this is becoming the norm. Ana's Rick invited me over to his house and I went over to celebrate with them. We had some good food and good conversation. I was very happy to have been invited.

Christmas morning I spent with my parents, and my father and I worked on a random project of mine of zero-ing out my shoes so that they wouldn't have a thick heel. It's a long story, but consisted of cutting part of the sole off and then grinding it. It is great to see that my father is willing to entertain my wild ideas. There were no children to do the Santa thing with, but that was never really a thing for us. Santa was, but actual presents from Santa I don't remember. Everyone showed up for lunch, meaning my sisters, their significant others and my nieces Bekkah and Jamie. My brother Abram was absent, because he stayed in Austin for Christmas and he was missed. After eating Christmas ham, we started to open presents. My dad got a chainsaw he needed, my mom and sister Eliza digital picture frames. Ana and Abram got Andriod phones and the kids got money from me. Usually I make an effort to get them actual gifts, but this year I was sure they would enjoy the cash. I got some great gifts from my family and was very thankful. Here is my mother and her all grand kids in front of the Christmas tree.

My niece Bekkah had found an apron that her and Jamie made with their mother, my sister Vero, when they were little. It said "Mom's Helpers" and had their hand prints and pictures they drew. She wore it and it really made me feel like Vero was part of the event. Bekkah thinks about her all the time and I'm sure she knows we do too.
Here are the photos from Christmas.

Christmas night, after all the family celebrating was done, I went over to my friend Cristina's place and had a few drinks with her and some of her friends. After, I headed downtown for a drink. This was my first time downtown on my own, but it just felt like the thing to do on Christmas night. I hadn't been there for a year. I went from bar to bar, keeping to myself, having a drink and moving on. It was very cold and I was dismayed to see that there were so many clubs now. I guess the demand for lounges is overtaken by dance clubs. I had some friends I thought I might meet up with, but things don't always work out that way. Nevertheless, it was an interesting night and just what I needed.

Sunday, the 26th, was my father's birthday. As per tradition, my family goes out to eat at Red Lobster to celebrate both our birthdays. (Mine being the 27th) After, I headed to Austin for the rest of my vacation.

As much as the actual theme behind Christmas doesn't mean much to me, what it represents as a tradition means a lot to me. There usually isn't a time during the year when you can truly value family and celebrate being together like you can on Christmas. It is a great part of the year even though it sometimes does come with unrealistic expectations and the eventual letdown. It does feel good to get people you care about presents and spend time with everyone. It is my favorite part of the year and always goes by too fast.

One of the lowlights of the trip was that my older sister's apartment was broken into on the 23rd at night. This was exactly one year after it was broken into last year, talk about bad luck. Luckily, the presents weren't there this year and no one was home or hurt. They still took a lot and nothing feels worse than strangers invading your space. This didn't dampen her spirits at all, which shows her resilience. I hate that she lives in a place where break-ins like this are more common, but all you can do is lock your doors and be careful.

This Christmas also made me think about a friend of mine. On December 13th it was my friend Maria's, from college, birthday who passed earlier this year after her battle with cancer. I think she would have turned 31. I could talk to Maria for hours and miss our conversations together. We have so many memories we shared and we used to love to talk not only about them, but about how life was going. So what really got me on her birthday was that I didn't know what to do exactly. I thought of her of course, but I felt like I should be doing something special. I thought about calling mutual friends maybe, but I just didn't know what to say. Maybe it is still affecting me in stages. I know she knows that I was thinking about her. I wish I knew a better way to honor her memory and to deal with the feeling of loss. I also think about what her family is still going through and it pains me. I look forward to seeing my college friends again and being able to talk about it, for some reason, talking about things make me feel better.

What is going on in your mind isn't always reflected on how you want to feel at a certain moment, but it is real. So are the spectrum of emotions we go through daily. I'm glad I had another great Christmas break.

was not your joy

My Cousin Laurie's Wedding

2010-12-20T16:34:00.001-06:00

"The middle years of marriage are the most crucial. In the early years, spouses want each other and in late years, they need each other." - Rebecca Tilly

This Saturday was my cousin Laurie's wedding in Dallas, TX. She is one of the youngest of the cousins on my mom's side and her marriage only leaves 4 unmarried cousins out of 14 left. I don't know why that is a relevant fact, but I mention it anyway. Laurie grew up in Dallas and has always reminded me of a Dallas girl because of her accent. People used to say that her and my brother used to look like siblings when they were little. She has a great insta-smile that shows her happy disposition. I had a great time. Here is Laurie and her husband Vic.
But before I get into it, real quick, the answer to the question in my last entry is no. I'm not the type of person that owns a juicer. I just didn't have it in me to juice daily. I finally decided that powdered wheatgrass would have to do and I returned the juicer. The machine was great, you could put it together easily, but with the time of actual cutting of the grass, plus juicing, plus clean up (which is fast, but not fast enough), it was just too much of a ritual. Then throw on top of all that trying to grow the stuff and keeping track and watering, it was just too much. I guess that is how I learn my lessons, by trial and error. This also shows how lazy I can be. My brother made a good point when he said, "you think that making a sandwich is too much trouble."

Ok, back to Laurie's wedding. Abram and I drove up to Ft. Worth on Friday after work and made it just in time for the rehearsal dinner. We got to see a lot of family that we hadn't seen for quite some time. A lot of Tias/Tios and cousins. I stayed the night at my Tia Mati's house which is by my standards, huge. It was very kind of them to host us. I was feeling sick, so I crashed out early.

Saturday, I slept in a bit, had some family time and got to see my cousin Adam and his wife Kirby. They are expecting and I'm very happy for them. We made it to the wedding and it was a very nice church. My mom got to read a passage from the Bible during the ceremony and my sister Ana helped out too. The priest almost forgot to do the "you may kiss the bride" part, but caught it just in time. Laurie looked great and her two sisters, Melba and Monica (my cousins) were bridesmaids. It was a nice wedding.

Then for the party. We headed to the reception where I got to visit with more family. The hall was impressive with an elevator you could see out of and a high ceiling. The little kids had a blast going up and down. They had an open bar which made me very happy, but since I was under the weather and driving, I didn't get to take as much advantage as you might imagine. Here is photo of my family.

During the wedding, I got some more great news. My cousin Rino, who is getting married next year, asked my brother and me to be groomsmen in his wedding. We happily accepted and I was honored. I'm looking forward to that.

The night ended around 10pm and we headed to my Tia Mati's house were we hung out and had a few drinks. I felt like a wet blanket because I called it a night at midnight due to the beer not fixing the sickness. Everyone else stayed up and had fun.

Sunday, we had a get together at my Tia's house and then Abram and I headed back to Austin. The trip seemed longer on the way down for some reason. It was a good experience and I was glad to be invited.

hawaii

Am I the type of person that owns a juicer?

2010-12-08T11:16:00.011-06:00

“It is well for the heart to be naive and for the mind not to be.” - Anatole France

I feel like I have a mind that doesn't stop. It is always thinking, analyzing, planning and this surprisingly can lead to less action than just doing. This past month though, things have quieted down, I don't feel any real stress and have been able to focus more on big picture thoughts and plans. I like to use times like this to pick up new hobbies and start focusing on things I have been neglecting. So I'm running each day despite how cold it is, getting back to my guitar lessons, training my dog and trying to eat a little bit better. I have other hobbies I'd like to focus on more again as well, like golf, dancing and rock climbing, but I find if I try too much at once, it is easier to get discouraged.

Over a year ago, my friend Oscar told me about wheatgrass and how nutritional he thought it was. I had heard other people talk about how good it was, like Christina, but it just wasn't something I was that interested in at the time. While I was reading Born to Run, wheatgrass was mentioned again when talking about ultra marathoners, so I decided to buy it in powder form to try it out. I took it in the morning before work the first time and I found that I had a lot more energy than I normally have. This alone makes it worth the trouble because I don't drink coffee and I always feel sluggish until about 11am and have always wanted a pick me up. Being happy with the powder, I decided that it was time to move up to the real thing. I wasn't ready to start growing it yet, but I wanted to try the actual grass, so I purchased a plat of wheatgrass from a local produce company and ordered a juicer. I tend to really involve myself in my projects.

This picture is what the juicer I ordered should have kind of looked like, but the wrong one came in. It was a cheap plastic one that just seemed like more trouble than it was worth. I tried it out and made my first wheatgrass shot. It wasn't as bad as I imagined, but it did not have the nectar of gods type taste one would hope. Maybe it helped that as a kid I used to gnaw on grass every now and then. It took a long time though and I decided to order a real, better electric juicer to see if that works. It is a work in progress. Here is a picture of the wheatgrass I'm working on.
Now I will admit that after reading up about wheatgrass on the internet, it sounds like people really overstate its benefits. The good thing is that it isn't bad for me and any placebo effect is always welcomed with anything I try. It has helped knock one coke off my usual routine which is a big deal for me. Ok, well I'm done with this for now, I'm sure I'll have an update later, or I'll just forget about all this and never mention it again. It is not magic, but it is better than what I was I eating before.

In other news, I took my cat Koki to the vet last Friday. I feel like I have had a lot of vet stories recently, and I know it isn't real exciting, but I'm not used to taking pets to the vet. I've had Koki for most of my adult life and anyone that knows her knows that I take good care of her. It started when Koki was sneezing, so I figured it would be a good time to take her in and get a follow up on the tests they ran on her last time. The sneezing wasn't a big deal like I suspected and was only a cold, something she has never had and now all my cats have. The bad news from her tests was that Koki might be having liver failure and her urine shows that she is dehydrated and is still not getting enough water. I have 3 water stations set up and 2 extra full water bowls and I have never seen Koki take a sip. That worries me. I was told to monitor her and take her back in if there were any problems. I have started adding water to her "prescription" wet cat food in hopes that she will get some water, but that isn't a real solution. How can an animal dehydrate itself to death? I'm going to try not to worry too much, but it is hard not to. She seems fine to me, so other than the new steps I'm taking, I'm just going to treat her like she is fine for the time being. She hasn't peed on my sheets in some time which is a great news, but I did catch her peeing on dirty laundry the other day. I read that that means that she is stressed. She has always hated her litter though no matter how many different types I try.

Speaking of pets, I've been working a lot with my dog Chloe on getting her trained. I'm watching a video course on how best to do it. She is so hyper that it is a challenge, but it also means that without training, she won't be able to have as much freedom as I want for her. Our runs each day she enjoys, but she clearly wants a lot more. I worry that I'm doing some things wrong and being that they are counterproductive, its not helping the dog, but I am trying the best I can. She is a really good dog.

You know, if you read all that, thanks, cause I am not one that enjoys reading about other people's pets, and I know they are like dreams and kids, "only interesting to the person that had them."

I read this article the other day on factors that contribute to a successful marriage. I find this topic so interesting even though I'm not even sure where I stand on the topic and it has no relation to my current life. So here is what I learned:

Among the factors that contribute to marriage success: making $50,000 or more annually--as opposed to under $25,000. Those who do experience a 30 percent drop in the risk of divorce. People with college degrees enjoy another 25 percent decrease. Coming from an intact home decreases the risk by 14 percent. Other factors that affect marital success for the better: waiting to have kids until after tying the knot, and having a religious affiliation of some kind.

Looks like I'm in good shape, except for that religious affiliation part. Now if you avoid marriage, you avoid divorce completely. Then again, Divorce And Health: Splits Make Men Fitter, Women Fatter. That sucks for women, but I always view divorces as women wanting to get out of an unhappy situation, so I don't really get the getting fatter part.

I also recently came across this blog which had me laughing most of the day. I mention it today because of all the pet talk. It is called Cat Versus Human Here are some of my favorite examples of the types of comics it has.

My cats sometimes sleep on my bed, but I don't like it when the person I'm dating has animals that sleep in the bed. Double standard, maybe.

Maddie loves laying on top of laptops and Koki likes getting in front of the computer. That and books I am reading. This was hard during law school when I didn't need much distraction.

This reminds me of Chloe, my puppy. Such a great site I tell you. I can't help it, they are so good, here is my last one.

I lock my cats out sometimes and I know what this is like.
(all comics are linked directly from the site and are of course not my property.)

A wintertime visit

Appreciation and Gratitude

2010-11-30T22:18:00.003-06:00

"If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough." - Meister Eckhardt

I'm going to pick up where I left off last time with my observation that so many friends and family are expecting babies. I mentioned in closing that there were probably others that I don't know about. Then on Thanksgiving, I get the wonderful news that my cousin Adam is also going to have a baby. I'm very excited for him and his wife. To make matters better, today I find out that my cousin Vanessa is going to have a little girl. These are a lot of kids. I guess people found out that the recession had been dated and decided to start and expand their families. This time next year there are going to be a lot of new babies in my extended world. These are a lot of "congratulations babies."

For Thanksgiving, my family came up to Austin to visit. My dad brought up my dog Chloe, who was so much bigger now. She is now less of a puppy and more of a dog. I thought she was high energy before and now she has increased that in proportion to her size. I am really going to put to the test whether a high energy dog and a moderate energy (being kind) owner can really work great together. So far, I have yet to figure out a way to burn all her energy.

Wednesday night, we all went shopping at HEB for our meal sides. It was a good experience. I don't know how we can buy so much for just one meal and a day later feel like we didn't buy anything. I had just bought a nice dining table that day for $40 on craigslist that we planned to use. I'm a fan of good deals. Thanksgiving morning, I slept in as everyone prepared the great meal. I didn't even supervise to claim that credit. Rick came over and so did Abram's girlfriend Ashley. We had a good meal and it is nice to spend the holiday with family. I enjoyed myself.

As per usual Thanksgiving tradition, there was the Cowboy game and then the UT game. Ana, Rick, Abram, Ashley and my dad went to the UT & A&M game and I stayed home with my mom. A cold front came in and they were very cold, but had a great time. It was a great game to watch from the comfort of my bed.

On Friday, my family headed back home and I did some black Friday shopping with my sister Ana. I got a cheap pair of slippers, but not much else. I've never seen a black Friday deal that I ever thought was that impressive, or worth going out late at night or early in the morning. Now, cyber Monday, that is more my type of thing. I'm big about trying to find the best bargains online. I buy way too much online.

Considering that my new table didn't come with chairs, I found another nice round dining table with chairs at an estate sale this weekend, so I picked it up on Sunday as a replacement. It is a great table, but something feels weird about getting your table because a person died. A good deal is a good deal. That same day, I decided to get a set of quick-dry towels from JCPenney that my sister recommended. I will say, so far they have been a disappointment, but maybe they will be more absorbent after a second wash. At least all my towels match.

On Cyber-Monday, I searched the internet for deals. I found a gps for a friend, a Sprint EVO for my brother for $68 (regularly $200) and a Sprint Epic for my sister for $149 (regularly $249). I decided it was their early Christmas presents. I was proud of my good work. I even picked up some random things for myself like a pair of sunglasses for 30% off.

I don't like talking about things I might be soon to quit, but I recently finished the book Born to Run. It was a great book about ultra barefoot/minimalist marathoners and it actually got me interested in running again. Usually, actual running gets me very uninterested quickly, but I also don't know why I try so hard to fight it. I've been running each day with my VFF shoes (ones with toes) and my legs are going through the growing pains of adjusting. Chloe has been keeping me company on my short runs. I've been trying to learn better technique and moving from heel striking to forefoot striking isn't as easy as I thought. We will see how this goes. Oh, and today I get some wheatgrass in, something Oscar and Christina have told me about, so I'm hoping I like it. I'm always trying something new and sometimes re-trying something old.

November is over and my favorite month of December is about to start. You know, June and July are more exciting months, but December always feels like a relaxing month where you take it easy before gearing up for a new year. Christmas and my birthday also make the month one I look forward to. It is also a good month to take stock of the year, the last 5 and even sometimes your life in general. I have a lot of observations, but what matters is how those observations change the next 5 years.

I'm happy for you, let's just leave it at that.

Engaging Times

2010-11-23T15:20:00.003-06:00

"Love is a game that two can play and both win." -Eva Gabor

Last week, I found out that my cousin Rino became engaged to his girlfriend Jessica. They are both very happy and I am happy for their great news. I have yet to get the exact story on how he did it, but the end result is what is important. Rino and Jess have been dating for a few years and for the entire time I have lived in Austin. I've gotten to know Jess pretty well in that time and Rino a lot better since we lived together for a while. It feels different from someone you hardly see, and I'm so used to them being together a lot doesn't feel like it has changed. I wish them both all the happiness in the world and selfishly hope they have an open bar at the wedding. What was neat about their engagement was how the news spread. As most news, mainly, through Facebook. That is how I found out. These are new times we live in I tell you. I asked my mom if she heard and she said my aunt told her. You know, good old word of mouth, but then she finished with, "after she saw it in facebook." News travels fast. I should probably check with Jess on the rules for Rino's bachelor party. I'm a fan of loopholes. (j/k Jess) The family keeps growing and growing it seems.

On a hopefully unrelated note, a lot of people I know are having babies what feels like all of a sudden. I know people have been having babies since I was in high school, but for some reason, a lot of my close friends all seemed to put it off until the past few years. My friend Adriana started it I'd say and then we have my friend Jorge whose daughter is adorable (and I don't say that generally about babies). I got the news recently that my friend Jon, my friend Iris, my cousin Isra, my cousin Mario and I'm sure others I don't know about are all expecting. Those are a lot of exciting changes. I'm ok with being an old dad, but sometimes I wonder if I'd be ok with not being a dad at all.

Friday night, I went to see Louis CK perform stand up here in Austin. He is one of my favorite comedians because he has a gift for putting the things you think into a funny scenerio type joke that also pushes the limits. I was a big fan of his HBO show, Lucky Louie and like his new show Louie on FX. I would describe him as a cautionary tale of how I don't want to be when I'm 43. Then again, to be that rich and successful would be nice. I had a great time. After, I went to watch a band perform and was reminded how much I miss the college life.

Saturday, Abram, Ashley, my cousin Rino and I all went to the UT football game. I know the season has been a let down, but I was excited to be going. Football is football and I'm a UT fan. It was Rino's first game. The seats Rick got us were awesome and much closer to the field than I have ever been. We cheered as Texas ran up the score on a pretty weak team. I was happy that McCoy got to play (for like 2 seconds), but it sucked they didn't let him pass. Now I'm looking forward to the game next week against A&M. From the looks of it, A&M should destory UT, but every one steps it up for this game.
After the game we got some Mexican food at this place I have been wanting to try out for years. You know, I really built the place up in my head and it wasn't as magical as I expected. The food was good though and I'd go back, but I need to learn to stop idealizing things because it just sets you up for an inevitable let down.

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving. My family is coming into town and we will be celebrating it at my place in Austin. We seem to alternate between Austin and the Valley now. Right now, I'm working on getting a dining table since the one we have is too small. Let's hope that works out. My family does most of the cooking, and I like it that way. This is a holiday I have spent alone many times, and I must say I prefer spending it with family. There are a lot of things to be thankful for. (Except for the history of Thanksgiving.) I'm looking forward to it.

que disappointment

Maddie - Not a Laser Cat

2010-11-19T14:01:00.004-06:00

“There is nothing like returning to a place that reminds unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.” - Nelson Mandela

I had a good weekend, but the most interesting development was that my cat Maddie moved back in with me. I got Maddie as a baby kitten; she was meowing outside of my front door and I took her in. Having two cats already, my good friend Christina adopted her and raised her from a kitten to a small cat (the best time to have a pet if you ask me.) Due to landlord issues and whatnot she had to deal with, Maddie moved back in with me this weekend. I hadn't seen Maddie since I dropped her off and she seemed so huge now, yet is still small compared to my cats. I will probably give her to my older sister, but I would be lying if I didn't say I didn't consider keeping her and passing my cat Mia on to someone.

(Maddie enjoys laying on my laptop.)

I have had Mia since she was about 8 weeks old and since she is a rescue cat, she is very skittish and untrusting of people. I always viewed her as a loved pet, but also as an obligation. I vowed to take care of her, and I always have. I have tried to break her down with my love, and even though the gains are impressive, she is not very personable and won't let strangers touch her. She is well taken care of and eats too much. My first cat Koki, 6 years later, still can't stand being around her. So, am I wrong to want to trade her in? The inconvenient answer is yes. I can't imagine anyone else taking better care of Mia than me, so it would be unfair to give her up. It sucks because Maddie is such a fun kitten, more along the lines of Koki when she was younger. I keep thinking about this and even as I read what I write, there is no way to swap cats without feeling terrible about myself. And if you know me, I'd rather pick unhappiness over being unloyal or breaking my word. The whole issue is moot because I don't have anyone I could give Mia to and just thinking about it makes me feel guilty. You know, like when you think about how there might not be a God and what that would mean for your world view. Maddie has taken over my bedroom and Koki and Mia and self banished to the den for the time being. I don't have much faith that they will get along in the near future, but my sister will be up for Thanksgiving to take her to her new home.

My older sister Ana and Rick came into town for the UT game this past weekend and my nephew JoMichael came to visit. You would think we would have lots of cool uncle stuff for him to do, but it was cold and instead we hung out and watched movies and football. We did have a BBQ and ran the fireplace. I had a good time visiting and hopefully he did too. I was kind of disappointed that he had quit jr. high football near the end of the season, but I'm sure there were a host of legitimate reasons. He said he will play next year when he goes to high school which made me feel better. My concern of course is the important lesson of learning not to quit. That is what I loved about football, you learned that no matter how tired you are, or how much pain you are in, you keep on going and don't give up. Quiting is addictive and easy and having resolve and determination is something I want to instill in the younger members of my family. Now of course, there is a difference between quiting something you no longer want to do or to free up time for another endeavor, but because you didn't get the results you expected quick enough isn't a good one. Football is always more than about football.

Now I'm thinking about the idea of quitting and my own life. I have probably quit my fair share of things, but I can think of a few select times where not quiting was the wrong choice. Baseball for example. As a kid, I was a terrible baseball player, I couldn't see, was slow and kept getting hit by the ball. Yet, each year, contrary to my Dad's advice, I signed up to play again even though I would get very little play time because I was on a winning team and I liked being on that team. It was a mistake, I should have quit once I knew that I was no longer improving. See the failure was that I never got better, I wasn't sticking to it and working harder and getting better, but just staying about the same level of sucking. So, either work harder or move on I guess. You know, I can probably say that about some of my relationships, I wasn't willing to work harder, nor willing to quit, which meant I was just wasting my time.

Now, you know where I didn't quit? In my dream to become a lawyer. After college, I was told that my grades were not good enough to get into a great law school and I didn't even try to apply once I graduated. But I purposefully picked a legal job so that the only way to move up would be to go to law school. I just worked harder and finally got into the school I wanted. Little did I know that the challenge was just beginning, but in the end I finally got to where I wanted to be. And just like achieving any goal, your first thought is joy and the second is, I should have aimed higher. What higher goal do I want to aim for now?

Monday night, I went out to play laser tag. I was planning to play pool but I decided to give the game a try. I totally forgot how much fun laser tag is. There were two teams, my team which consisted of me and a bunch of middle-age women and the other team consisted of a bunch of small junior high kids. Needless to say we got destroyed, but I got the highest score on my team by at least double. Nobody stayed back to protect our base, so I took that responsibility upon myself. Imagine me and like three little kids all shooting at me and our base target as I try to shoo them away with my awesome laser skills. All I could think about was how cool it would be to have a laser cat at that moment who shoots lasers out of its eyes. It was a lot more physically demanding than I anticipated. One of these days I should devote an entire evening/night to just playing laser tag for hours on end. It is a lot of fun.

Saturday was the boxing fight between Pacquiao and Margarito. I usually cheer for the Mexican, but in this case I cheered for Pacquiao because I don't think cheaters should be rewarded. It was a good fight and nice to see a smaller guy beat up on a bigger guy who, I will admit, fought his heart out, but came up short. I think that it is cool that the only state the fight was legal in was Texas. We have no shame.

I've had occasion to think about feeling of rejection in life. It never feels good and it feels worse when it just reinforces what you were already expecting, meaning that you clearly went in with the wrong mindset. I think about stuff like applying to college, the law school I wanted, jobs applied for, and being picked last for something. But nothing quite burns like romantic rejection. It is part of life and for the most part you learn to take it in stride, but there are times, especially after long relationships that it is harder to cope with. That said, I am aware of how rarely I think about my rejection of others and when I realize that this is how much others are thinking of me, which makes any self-pity feel inconsequential. Sometimes when faced with a string of rejections, you start to think, part of me wants to not give up and keep trying and the other part wants to re-tool and evaluate my approach since something might be wrong. The problem is that the excuse of re-tooling, is just the pretext for giving up and not truly making any real changes. Just talking about the topic is hard because it implies that I'm a person who is rejected. That is the last thing you want to identify with and not a way I look at myself.

I decided to do a google search on the topic and ran into this article on this blog that was pretty insightful and really covered the topic in depth. How Rejection Can Make You More Successful at Everything. What I thought was cool was that it references another article on The Benefits of Rejection, attributing the lack of female entrepreneurship to less experience with sexual rejection and says: “Why are there still so few female entrepreneurs? According to one MIT researcher, the answer is simple: it all comes down to sexual rejection. Chizoba Nnaemeka, of the MIT Entrepreneurship Review, says women aren’t as practised as men at being turned down. As such, she says, they don’t learn some of the skills required to strike out on their own in business, such as “confidence and optimism, sales and marketing, resilience, and trace amounts of desperation.” To pursue romantic relationships, after all, is to risk repeated rejection, much like trying to raise significant amounts of capital to finance a start-up.”

I never would have thought of that. I guess you just get caught up in your own world view. I'm sure there are people that would disagree with those theories, but it is an interesting take. I will say that I think this quote sums it up by a life coach who explains why some people seem able to brush off rejection so easily: “A confident person realizes that rejection is simply a part of the risk of living and that, in order to grow spiritually, we all have to take the occasional risk and step outside of our comfort zone."

The world is how you look at it. It isn't always easy to look at it through rose colored glasses.

Speaking of rejection, Eva Longoria & Tony Parker: The Tattoos They Got For Love (PHOTOS) I don't know how I feel about "love" ring tattoos. Part of it seems romantic since you are getting married forever and in another way it seems totally naive considering your odds of divorce. I guess it depends on where the technology is for removing tattoos.

Finally, this weekend is going to be a fun one. I have a lot of things lined up. I have Louis CK tickets for Friday night and UT football tickets for Saturday. I invited my cousin Rino to come with me since he has never been to a UT game. I want to see John Oliver's stand up on Saturday night, but I already have so much going on. I guess we will see.

next week

Elephant in the Room

2010-11-10T16:30:00.000-06:00

Q. Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A. So they can hide upside-down in the custard.

Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
A: No? Well, it must work.

The month of November always feels like a blank between Halloween and Thanksgiving. A void which I rarely remember. I'm all settled in back from my Halloween east coast trip and am back to business as usual. That doesn't mean I can't keep reminiscing. While I was in DC, we entertained ourselves with silly one-liner jokes from when we were small. There were some very good ones shared. Mark had one I liked about elephants that I decided to share today as my quote above. I tend to say, "See, it works!" as my punchline. A quick search revealed that there are a lot more elephant jokes than I would have thought.

The elephant theme works out great, because I feel like in many situations there is an elephant in the room that goes ignored in my life, be it when I'm alone and mostly when with others. I do a great job of ignoring those elephants. This picture I thought was a great representation of it. (Hope that is photoshop Peta). (I also imagine that elephant hiding in custard.)

The big question is, what is my elephant in the room? I probably have lots and even now I don't want to think about them. Some are just lies I say to myself. There are a lot of things I don't talk about, especially on my blog. It is weird that I consider myself such a private person, yet have kept writing here for over 10 years. I guess I like things on my terms. There are actually a lot of thoughts about a lot of things and even people that I don't say a word about. Maybe at times in a passive aggressive vague way, but never anything detailed, but mostly nothing. It is probably for the best though. So that is my lesson, I need to start identifying my elephants and not just calling them out for the sake of being self aware, but dealing with them.

The other day I wrote an entry entitled The Diploma Frame. It was pretty much the story about why it took over 8 years for me to finally get my Cornell Frame for my college diploma. Well, the frame came in Monday and I moved my still unpaid for (student loans) diploma from its cheap frame to its new classy frame.

Here is the box. It was a good size, but I was glad to see that it was packaged well. It makes the frame look bigger than it actually is.

Below is a photo of my diploma in the $8 frame on my office wall. The frame has served me well and I wonder what I'm going to use for now. Maybe pictures of some sort. You know, I have never had a picture of anyone in my office, at least in this office. I digress.

After some work, I was able to get my new frame opened and up on my wall. It looks so much nicer I must say. Check out the setup below:
So I will say, Thank you Vero for the gift. Sorry it took so long. You were right. Oh, and you do know that you are also getting me (and getting credit for) my law school diploma frame in the future, but let's give it some time since these things cost a lot.

This summer I heard the following letter read at my friend's wedding which I thought was very moving. It is an excerpt of a letter from Samuel Clemens (better known as Mark Twain) to his wife Olivia Langdon five months before their wedding:

"This 4th of February will be the mightiest day in the history of our lives, the holiest, & the most generous toward us both -- for it makes of two fractional lives a whole; it gives to two purposeless lives a work, & doubles the strength of each whereby to perform it; it gives to two questioning natures a reason for living, & something to live for; it will give a new gladness to the sunshine, a new fragrance to the flowers, a new beauty to the earth, a new mystery to life; & Livy it will give a new revelation to love, a new depth to sorrow, a new impulse to worship. In that day the scales will fall from our eyes & we shall look upon a new world. Speed it!"

Other than the impressive use of the semi-colon, it was something that when I heard for the first time made quite the impression. Talk about something to aspire to. Mark Twain was such a great writer. My first book was Tom Sawyer, that I got for Christmas from my Aunt/Tia Mati. I was upset at first, since what kid wants a book, but I read it and the reading thing caught on.

Saturday night, I went to see Joe Rogan's stand up comedy. I think I have gone to see him 3 times over as many years in Austin. I always enjoy it. The year that has past since I last saw him went by pretty quickly. Funny way to measure time. I went with my friend Megan and I don't think I could have prepared her for amount of vulgarity, but she was a good sport. The opening acts were more vulgar, though still funny. When Rogan performed, I felt like I had heard some of the jokes before, but the majority of it was new. My favorite part is when, at the end, he just let's the audience pick topics. I always forget that, and next year I'm going to be more prepared to yell out things so that the drunk guys yelling UFC stuff can be ignored for my cool topics.

After getting lasik this summer, I've started to forget that I don't wear glasses anymore. It has just become so normal. I thought it would take longer to not be reaching for my glasses. I will still say it was some of the best money I have spent. So bear with me, but I have for years brushed my teeth in the shower (great idea, you should try it), but now that I can see in the shower, I just recently added shaving to that list. I purchased a sweet fog-less mirror and gave it a try. It is awesome, and since I spent way too much time just standing under the hot water drifting off, now I can be more productive and can shave more often. I'm getting to the point where I should probably shave every day, but I still save every two days. I have a shower radio I never use, always thought I would use it more often.

Here are some more thoughts on the Rally to Restore Sanity. I was watching the Daily Show this week where Jon Stewart Responds To The 'False Equivalency' Critique Of The Rally To Restore Sanity (VIDEO) "See, it turns out that a lot of people are all in a twist over what they saw as a "false equivalency" between what left-leaning media types do every day and what right-leaning media types do every day."

I'm a huge fan of Jon Stewart and thought the Rally was great for many reasons. It was a bunch of reasonable liberals dressed up like moderates. (You know, since the definition of moderate moves more to the right as the far right pulls farther. ) It was also a grand sign making party. Facts and distortions are not differences of opinions, but the Rally meant a lot of different things to a lot of different people, which I thought was a fair response by Stewart. Whatever it was, there wasn't an alternative Rally to attend.

patience can be an excuse to let life pass by

Sanity Restored

2010-11-01T20:54:00.009-05:00

"Dear Lord, Protect me from your followers." - Unknown

This weekend I went to Washington, DC to attend the Daily Show's Rally to Restore Sanity and to visit some good friends. It was an epic weekend of moderate drinking, reasonable behavior and copious amounts of fun. This is my recap. I heard the rally referred to as "the biggest inside-joke walk-a-thon in American History" and a "mock-in." It was legendary and everything I imagined it to be.

I flew in on Friday morning and arrived at Reagan Airport about noon. It had been three and a half years since I had been in DC, years which have gone by very quickly. Mark was busy working, so I hopped on to the Metro and went to meet my friend Bob for lunch. I still had my old smart pass with money on it, and it was nice to see it still worked. I had to transfer at Rosslyn, the first place I ever lived when I first moved there after college. To think, each day I would wake up and walk to that metro station and now it was just another stop along the way on a visit to this town. I met up with Bob and it was great catching up. I appreciated that he took the time to come and hang out with me. I miss hanging out with Bob and Angie.

After, I headed into downtown DC on the metro to kill some time. There was one museum I always wanted to go to, The Spy Museum. It was near my work and I never made it out in all the years I lived there. I promised myself I would go before I left, but the timing didn't work out. So this time I was intent on going and finally made it. That took a long time to check off my to do list, but it was worth it. Spy stuff is cool, I would like to be a spy, which probably makes me a bad spy. Oh, that and a blog.

When I was done learning how to take secret pictures and mark mail boxes with codes, I went to meet up with Sam aka Dr. Cook at an Irish pub. It has been a while and it was nice to see him. He is getting married next year and I'm looking forward to his wedding in San Diego. We had a few drinks and caught up. It is always great talking about old times. It is good when friends make an effort to keep in touch.

Once Mark got out of a late day of work, he picked us up at the Metro, and we went to his place where his wife Ashley was making cookies. We had a few drinks and then headed to my friend Sarah's Halloween party. It was only a quick cameo, but it was nice to see my friend from 7th and 8th grade summer smart camp. Sarah is one of those really happy good spirited people and I was happy that she was just like I remembered her.

When we got back to the apartment, we drank with Ashley's friend Ashley2 and her boyfriend's father. It was nice to finally get to hang out with Ashley and get to know her as a person and not just Mark's fiance/wife. Then Ashley's Kentucky friends arrived. They were such nice people and though I wasn't the most social person, I enjoyed my chats with them. I learned you can use a hairdryer to fill an inflatable bed and a great way to make a road trip more interesting.

Saturday morning, Mark was so kind to go out and get everyone breakfast. After eating and getting ready, we all walked out to the Metro to head to the Rally. It was finally time. It came with a lot of anticipation. Rick got there well before us, which was such a smart idea. We stopped by the nearby CVS and I got 3 blank paper signs and a black marker. The metro was so backed up, we walked over 4.5 miles from Virginia to DC for the Rally. It was fun, but tiring because my shoes sucked. There were a lot of people walking.

Here is a video of Sam doing a commentary as we crossed the bridge into DC: http://www.flickr.com/photos/hyadus/5134440253/

Mark had a sign that carried the whole way that said, "Anchor babies are Adorable" and on the back there was a picture of philosorapter and it said, "Anchor babies are Delicious." [fn An anchor baby is an anti-immigrant myth of babies that are born to undocumented women.] Sam made a sign that said, "We want our Country Forward" (with Back marked out) and I made on that said, "I wish all these people Voted." Here are the flickr pictures and videos of the event and all our posters.

When we arrived, the Rally was extremely packed. We couldn't even get close enough to the speakers that we could hear clearly what was going on. The Rally was a gathering of like minded individuals who were ok with not agreeing about everything. It was like a very witty joke and over 200,000 people were in on it. Sign after sign made me laugh. People were connecting, being kind and considerate. Nobody was filled with hate or anger, and there are things to be angry about. Here I am holding up my sign:

I had many friends attend the rally, but due to the size, it was impossible to meet up them. We had a blast, meeting new people, taking photos and hanging out. I think that was what the experience was really about. We even met two old ladies who came on the Huff Post bus who were so sweet and kind. They drank with us as Sam mixed them some drinks. I later had to watch the actual Rally on TV to clearly hear all the jokes and see what was going on, and that was great too. The crowd was very impressive.

A quick internet search came up with: 55 Funniest Signs. There is also the Best 100 signs. There are lots of these sites and I saw some way funnier ones, but some are great. They are a great way to kill time, but if you have time, really check out my photos of the event.

Reading this article about the rally burned, but it really makes me look at the Rally in a different way. It is very long, but one part that really made me think was, "Let’s gather together in an ironic, self-aware way, and celebrate how we’re not really rallying or laying anything on the line–not even now, not even when the whole fucking country is collapsing. What’s our prize, Don?" I do stand for something, but I don't think it is exclusive with having a good time and trying to restore some sanity.

After the Rally was over, we hung out on the mall for a few hours. We had a pretty comfortable camp set up.
My friend Rick came to join us and we then treked into the city to find food. Everywhere was packed and after much much walking, we finally found something. All that walking injured my knee, which was a sad testament to how much I don't usually use it. It hurt to walk, but I toughed it out and was disappointed with myself for getting to a point where this could happen.

Exhausted, we finally arrived back at Mark and Ashley's home at night and rested for a bit. There was no energy to go out to a bar, so we drank and had some great conversations. That is something I a big fan of. It is part of the trip that I really enjoyed. We told silly jokes and one liners, talked about math and probability and about the amazing experience we had that day.

Sunday morning, Sam, Mark and I had breakfast and then I headed to the airport home to Austin. I was very thankful to Mark and Ashley to opening up their home to us and for being such wonderful hosts. Sunday was also the day of the Marine Corps Marathon, which had a lot of runners on my train. We did steal a photo at the podium the day before. Even in our imagination, I still get 2nd place.

In the end, I must say it was an experience I'll never forget. What a perfect way to go back and visit DC. I plan on getting back more.

ghosts around every corner

Haunted House

2010-10-28T14:57:00.000-05:00

"And long after I've gone

You'll still be humming along

And I will keep you in my mind

The way you make love so fine

We may only have tonight

But till the morning sun you're mine all mine"

- Plain White T's - Rhythm Of Love

My trip to Washington, DC is this weekend, but since I'm sure to write an entry about the trip, I'll forgo talking at length about how much I'm looking forward to it. I will say that I'm worried that it is going to be exhausting and colder than I remember. It is going to be awesome for sure, even if just because of all the friends I'm going to see. I'm sure it will go by super fast. I'm ready for all the old memories to rush back and for the new ones to develop.

Wednesday night, I went to a relatively famous haunted house in Austin called “House of Torment.” It was much more than a maze of monsters. Imagine a multi-layered, psychological thrill almost comparable to a trip through a horror movie. It has detailed two-story sets, animatronic monsters (some actually scary, others just cool looking), and even the smell feels authentic. I enjoyed it, but I must say I learned some valuable lessons. Smiling makes it less scary, you have to go in the front of a group not at the back or the people will steal all the scary and that really does take away from the experience. There is something about it being just you and darkness moving into a new room not knowing what to expect rather than coming in after the surprise. If you can check it out, you should. I'll be sure to go next year. I hope everyone has a Happy Halloween!

I hope everyone votes this November. I think voting is important, even if you don't agree with me politically. I do regret that I'm not that informed in local elections, so I just vote my party (I'm a liberal of course). It is times like this I wish I worked in politics, but it seems so emotionally stressful.

The other night I watched a documentary on the trapped Chile Miners on PBS. I followed the news somewhat, but man this really put it all together. It was quite emotional and moving. I can't believe how far down they were and how long they stayed down there. It is neat to see what happens when people come together for a good purpose and how much they can get done. I'm glad they all made it out ok.

The song lyric made me think of this. I don't think about this often, but when the show is on, she still reminds me so much of Charlotte it's uncanny. I know your memory can be whatever you want it to be and it is not that I can relate to the Cooper character, but I can't see the storyline without making parallels to my memories. That is what any good story does, like a cold reader, it speaks in generalizations and common situations that people think are unique to them. The differences are glaring and apparent, but when you only look for one thing, that is what you find and you ignore everything else. So, it reminds me of her in a way I don't fully understand. Maybe it is that cold, non-communicative side. Ice and passion as both sides of the same coin. It must be effective.

asking for money did the trick

Not Camping

2010-10-25T16:29:00.007-05:00

"You paint me a blue sky and go back
And turn it to rain
And I lived in your chess game
But you changed the rules every day
Wonderin which version of you
I might get on the phone, tonight"
- Dear John, T. Swift

Friday, my house mates left to go camping. Abram and his girlfriend seemed very excited about getting away to nature. Camping has never really been my thing, and I stayed back to take care of the pets. Maybe someone just hasn't made the pitch to me in the right way. It might have to do with my allergies that make me think that longer than 12 hours outdoors might not be the most fun for me. Maybe in an RV. I do enjoy making fires though.

My sister Ana, her kids and Rick came into Austin for the weekend the UT game. It sucks that UT had another disappointing loss. It was a very early game.

Friday night, I went to play poker at my friend Mario's house. I had a great time. He is a very gracious host. We saw the end of the Texas game and it was just perfect that that final batter they struck out was A.Rod. Last time we played, Mario beat me, so this time I needed to make a good showing. We played until about 2 am and it ended up being me and another player heads up and I had a slightly larger chip stack. We chopped the winnings in a rough proportion and I went home a happy man. The best part of course is the good company.

Here is something I'm excited about. Today is 25 years since the events and release of Back to the Future. Such a great 80s movie and I loved that the main character was named Marty. My favorite has to be the first, but man the second was also very good. The 3rd, well it was nice to be able to watch some more I guess. Time travel would be so awesome is what I used to think a lot as a kid. I don't think as much about things like that 25 years later. Man, I was only 5 years old (going on 6) and still remember watching the movie. I have to note that there is no excuse for hover boards not existing yet. We should be way past hover bikes already. I mean, at least personal jet packs exist in theory, even though they are very unsafe and you can't really buy one.

There is music I like and Taylor Swift doesn't usually fit my musical tastes. I'm not in the Kayne school of "I'm real happy for you and Imma let you finish, but..." but at the same time, I also have trouble relating the emotions of teen-pop. That said, her new CD Speak Now came out today and I checked it out because of her "Dear John" song. I am a Mayer fan and wanted to hear what a song written about him sounded like. I was impressed. Here is my favorite part, not including the quote above:

"Well maybe it’s me

And my blind optimism to blame

Maybe its you and your sick need

To give love then take it away

And you’ll add my name

To your long list of traitors

Who don’t understand

And I’ll look back in regret."

I guess there is a reason she is a top selling artist. I have a feeling she is going to be around for some time if she can keep writing with a poison pen. That is about my extent of the understanding of the tabloid drama.

Prayin’ the floor won’t fall through, again

The Diploma Frame

2010-10-21T17:54:00.001-05:00

“Love is a gift. You can't buy it, you can't find it, someone has to give it to you. Learn to be receptive of that gift.” - Kurt Langner

Over 8 years ago I graduated from college and my family came up that spring to Ithaca, NY for my graduation. I got various presents from my family for graduating, for example a class ring from my mom, but the one present that I think about often was from my sister Veronica. She wanted to buy me a nice Cornell diploma frame for my graduation. I told her that I could really use the money instead because I was about to move and was very short on cash. She told me that as a gift, the money would be gone and soon forgotten, but that the diploma frame would be something I would always have that I could always see and think, "That gift was from my sister Veronica." She wanted to give me a gift, not a donation. I made a deal with her, she would give me the money (since at the time I thought I needed it) and that later once I got a job, I'd go back and buy the diploma frame for myself and it would still be my gift from her and I'll always look to it as, "the gift from my sister Veronica" for my graduation. She reluctantly agreed, and I intended to keep my promise.

When I moved to DC, I purchased a cheap frame from Walgreens for $8 as a stop gap solution, even got one for my then girlfriend, and figured in no time I'd have the extra cash to go back and buy the nicer one from the University. Less than a year later, my sister Veronica passed away. Frequently, I still think about how 29 was such a young age and how no matter how old I get, she will always be my older sister.

It is 8 years past from that moment at the Cornell Store, and in my office on the wall is the same cheap $8 frame I bought so many years ago in DC. I did not keep my word, but not because I don't want to have a gift that was so meaningful from my sister. Part of me felt like buying the new frame and receiving the gift was the last transaction we will ever have, the last gift she will ever give me. I had trouble coming to terms with that and wasn't ready to let go. It felt like my last chance to feel close to her. But the more I have thought about it, this is something she wanted to give me, and asked for a short forbearance of the gift, but it has been way too long. I kept thinking about the one moment I had by buying the gift, instead of all the moments I would have with actually having the gift.

So today, I got online and ordered the exact same diploma frame that she wanted to buy for me on my graduation day. It should arrive in a few weeks, but instead of making me like I was losing the last thing between us, it became clear that was gaining not only a treasured gift from my sister but also keeping a promise. She was right, the money was forgotten, and this gift, which will be always be on my office wall will forever be an item that I will cherish and as I look at it, I'll think, "that is the gift my sister Veronica bought for me." Thank you, Vero.

I keep thinking about my approaching trip to DC for Halloween weekend. This is going to be a really good time and I'm excited that so many friends are going. I wish I would make the effort to travel more, but KY, AZ and DC in the past 4 months isn't too shabby. I haven't done much planning for the Rally for Sanity, but I figure we will just show up. Plus, with so many people, I'm sure someone will have the details under control.

I enjoy baseball, but I'm not a true fan compared to a lot of people I know. I watch during the playoffs each year and when I lived in DC I would occasionally go to a game every now and then. My teams have always been the Texas Rangers and Houston Astros, but I haven't followed the Rangers closely since back in the day when Nolan Ryan pitched. The memory of one of his no-hitters is very clear in my mind. I remember those days and how much I loved baseball back then. Sadly, I've probably seen more Red Sox games than Rangers games in the last 10 years. But for now, I'm a Rangers bandwagon fan and I'm enjoying it. It also doesn't hurt that I love to hate the Yankees.

I had mentioned in a previous entry that I had gotten my mom one of those new ipod Nanos (6th gen). I would get one for myself, but I decided I wanted a 5th gen ipod Nano because it plays video and has physical buttons. I think there is a lot to be said for physical buttons. My dad told me that Toys R Us were having an ipod trade in promotion, so I took in my old ipod classic and was offered a whopping $5 for it. Considering that I can also take it into the Apple store and get 10% of an ipod, I thought I'd rather do that. But then again, I can buy an ipod from Amazon, at a small discount and with no taxes, so I'll get it even cheaper that way. I'm still left with an old ipod I don't use. I'll figure it out, since it is a lot of thinking to save a few bucks. But instead of trying to figure out how to save a few bucks, I went on Craigslist and bought a 5th gen used ipod nano at a great price, which is all I really need. I know I have an iPhone, but you can't use that when working out. Why even risk it? So far, so good.

Another random thing I purchased was 5 toed barefoot running shoes. I had seen an interview by the author of Born to Run a long time ago which peaked my interest. Then looking on Facebook I noticed that a friend of mine was wearing them in a photo so I asked her about them. She gave me a lot of helpful information. This motivated me to take the plunge and purchase a pair. I haven't tried them out yet really, so I can't talk much about them, but I have heard a lot of good things. This should be exciting.

Here is my last purchase story. On Wednesday, I purchased 3-day tickets for ACL 2011. Feels weird spending money now for an event that is going to happen September 16-18, 2011, but it is the 10 year anniversary and should be a big deal. Just think, a year from now it will feel like the tickets are free since I paid for them so long ago. For now, it sucks paying for something in the distant future. I think it will be worth it. I've had a great time every year. I'm looking forward to seeing the lineup.

holding on too tight is the same as letting go completely

Fish and Chips

2010-10-17T23:50:00.003-05:00

"Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the unlived life of the parent." - Carl Jung

I spent the weekend visiting my family in the Valley. I hadn't been back for quite some time it felt like. The pretext for the trip was to drop off my dog Chloe with my dad so that he could take her to get spayed. He will be able to take care of her while she is healing much better than I would be able to.

I left after work, but I got in late on Friday night. Chloe did great on the drive down, she even got to ride in the front seat the whole 6 hours. It was an hour longer because I kept stopping to give her a chance to pee, but she just took the time to sniff around and get a good walk in, making me stop again half an hour later since I didn't know how well I could trust her. She did great though, but as you can see in the picture, I put up protection. Usually when I would go visit home, I'd make an effort to go out on Friday night to make the most of my time, but this time I was tired and just went to bed.

Saturday morning, I visited with my older sister Ana and my father. I also gave my mom a surprise. She had been wanting an ipod, so I got her an ipod nano. It is the new one that also has a radio and a clip, so she can use it when she walks. She really liked it and I showed her how to add music to it, but I don't know how well she will remember. In either case, I hope she gets good use out of it.

In the afternoon, I met up with my friend Andrea who provided the motivation for visiting. We went to the Edinburg Museum of South Texas History for a Dia de los Muertos event. Her sister Tanya, her niece and her friend Sara came along. I hadn't been to the Museum since I was little and from what I hear the majority of it is pretty new, ie, built in the last 10 years. My only childhood memory from there was of the old jail and of this noose that hanged in a room and from what I recalled, only one person has been killed there. I took the time to go and visit that room and it was just like my memory, except that the rope was much thinner. But back to the Day of the Dead event. It was well put together and very festive. I had a great time. Andrea's niece seemed to really enjoy herself. There was face painting, music, food, art and these Day of the Dead Alters. The face painting was done by legit artists and the work was impressive. They probably got less people done because they were so detailed, but the work was great. I never grew up celebrating the Day of the Dead and appreciate it as a Mexican tradition, but not my own. The alters, though important to people and about real people, just would not be a way I would want to remember someone. This I thought a lot about while I was there.

I hadn't seen Sara since high school, so it was great seeing her and Tanya, who I think is awesome, is due to have her baby pretty soon. I was impressed that she was still so active, but then again, I don't really know much about how active people normally are. At one point, we took on the arts and crafts tables where I did my first coloring since elementary to pass the time. It brought back crayon memories and we even learned how to make flowers, mine which I gave to a little girl who liked it and asked me about it. I got an approving nod from her father. I even got to ask questions of one of the artists who was there. He was a college senior. His mom was also there and so proud. He was a bit embarrassed of how proud she was, but more so there was pride over his work. I was impressed. Andrea is great about finding these types of events. I'm sure I'll go back sometime to actually check out the Museum part of the Museum.

Later in the evening we went out and I finally got to see the movie Secretariat. I saw a preview during the Kentucky Derby and really wanted to see it despite the fact it was PG/Disney, so probably geared towards kids. It was not, and it was a great movie, the type a family should rent and watch together. It was great to finally get the see the story about something I only knew bits and pieces of. I like horse racing a lot more than I thought I did. I do watch the Triple Crown each year, but other than that, I don't know much.

Sunday morning, I met up with my sister Eliza and her family for lunch. It was nice visiting with my nieces Tori and Celeste. Celeste I feel does not know me very well, mainly because I've been absent most of the time, but in Tori's case, when she was a baby I was in college, so I missed a huge part of her life and I still consider us pretty close now that she is older. No one wants to feel like a distant uncle, but sometimes things just play out how they play out. It was great to have some good Mexican food before I left. The trip back felt longer than the trip home, even though I made so much better time. I got to listen to the Cowboys on the radio and it isn't even worth mentioning.

Sunday night was the season finale of Mad Men. I did not plan on being such a fan of the show, but since truly discovering the show this summer and catching up, I've packed in 4 seasons over a matter of months. It was bittersweet in the sense that I was excited about the episode, but sad that I would have to wait a long time to see a new one. It is the type of show where I wish there was some sort of class the next day where we could discuss the themes and story. There was a scene where the blanket that Don's secretary was wrapped in was my favorite type of blanket, the type with a satin edge. I liked that detail. My favorite line has to be the one by Faye, "And I hope she knows you only like the beginnings of things." Great finale, but it doesn't mean I agree with it. I'm kind of dismayed by it actually. I saw that it was coming, not to that extent. I'll try not to drop any spoilers, so I'll leave it at that.

Here are some random thoughts. I wonder if people ever wake up and think, "Man, I did not age well." This isn't something I had put much thought into until recently. I saw this woman in her late 40s who had actually aged really well. Not well enough to where I couldn't tell she was in her 40s, but nevertheless well. I wonder how much it has to do with being healthy versus genetics. I've seen people in their late 20s that look like they are in their late 30s. Attractiveness is somewhat subjective (science proportions aside), but being youthful looking must add to it. Maybe I have just been caught up on the subject of age as of late.

I hate to end on a negative note, but I hate chain forwards and I'm not a guy that throws the word hate around. (Did you catch how I threw it around by trying to explain that I don't?) I really do, with a passion that runs deep. I know I have mentioned this before, but it just has to be said again. Misinformation disguised as "warnings" ones drive me crazy and makes me wish people would just go to scopes.com before forwarding/posting. Religious and nationalist forwards bother me even more. Yes, God is great, Troops are great, but do they really care if you forward this poorly written message. There are sometimes good intentioned ones, but they still say stupid shit. I hate when there are comments like, “93% of people won’t forward this.” Fuck you, is that supposed to motivate me to forward this bullshit on, like some sort of reverse psychology guilt. 93% of people are smart enough to delete this shit I want to reply knowing that 93% is a number they pulled out of their ass. Then you have ones, if you love God you will forward this, or something of that nature, which by not doing what they say, makes you by default a bad person. So I was a good person, but didn't forward your shit, so now I hate puppies? thanks. The chain letter is an old instrument and whether it is now in emails or facebook postings, it is the same old concept and I can't believe that virus is still around. I’ve said this before and will say it again, if the info in your “forward” is so grand, then copy it and send it alone without all the bullshit "forward me or you will get bad luck and make baby Jesus cry" bullshit. If you read my blog, you might notice I usually do not use curse words liberally, though on occasion they make sense, but this topic really annoys me. I mean, I love forwarding cool information to friends, great articles or news, but that is different than a chain forward and I hope you understand that. The way to spot a chain forward is when you are asked to forward it on to more people. If it is so it, the message it self will prompt the wanting to share, not a command under penalty of "insert chain letter tactic here." It is really simple I guess. So even stuff like, "I love my family, if you do too, post this on your wall" is a chain forward and even though I do love my family, I'll never post it and will try super hard not to let it annoy me, which I will fail at. Now if a person posted, "Vote against the law that kills puppies", and that is all, then reposting is not a forward and this is probably good information to share. Why am I trying to explain this, you understand, I'm just rambling like an old man now...this isn't meant to offend, just as a way to vent.

You know, speaking of venting, I do not enjoy reading when people vent about negative things they do not like. It just says more about them than it does about the thing bothering them. Knowing that, I should probably delete my forwards thoughts, but there is no use trying to be someone I'm not. (I wrote this rant a while back, and am much over it now, but reading it again, I could still relate.)

You are the moth, not the flame

Austin City Limits 2010

2010-10-10T20:15:00.000-05:00

"Everything about you is how I'd wanna be

Your freedom comes naturally

Everything about you resonates happiness
Now I won't settle for less
Give me All the peace and joy in your mind
Everything about you pains my envying
Your soul can't hate anything
Everything about you is so easy to love
They're watching you from above."

- Muse (Bliss)

Austin City Limits just passed this weekend and I initially only had a ticket for Saturday. I needed two more tickets for friends that were coming so I decided to hit up Craigslist to see what I could do. Each year I have been proud of my ability to get tickets for face value even though they tend to sell for at least $20 over face. After some work, I was able to pick up 3 Saturday tickets at face value. (All legit tickets too, I might add.) That gave me an extra ticket, which I was able to sell for a profit. Then I decided last minute I wanted to go on Friday, so I was able to pull my Craigslist magic and get two Friday hard tickets for $10 under face. A good deal considering people are selling over face. I gave the second ticket to my brother Abram that morning and he was able to change his work plans to come. Next year, I'm just going to buy my three day pass early and a few Saturday tickets for friends that might want to come. It was the most gorgeous weather you could ask for.

Friday, I took the day off of work and what was going to be a chill day relaxing at home ended up being a music festival experience. I decided to make it an iPhone only pictures event to see how well I can do without my camera. I was impressed. When I got there Blues Traveler was playing. They put on an amazing show. I used to love them growing up, I don't know how many times I listened to their cds. I miss the days when I used to listen to full cds. I got to see among many; The Black Keys, Miike Snow, The Band of Heathens, a bit of The Sword, SPOON, Vampire Weekend, The Strokes and Phish. Spoon put on a great show as did The Strokes. For me the highlight was Spoon, mainly because I had been wanting to see them for quite some time.

Saturday, my friend Andrea came into town to join us for ACL. Abram's girlfriend Ashley also got to go to ACL for the first time. It was a fun day to say the least. I got to see Pete Yorn, The Gaslight Anthem, Broken Bells, The xx, The Temper Trap, Gogol Bordello, Ozomatli, Mat and Kim, and Muse. I must say, Muse was pretty darn Stellar. We were relatively close to the stage, which I was proud of. It was quite the experience. I even got a raccoon sun burn since I was wearing sunglasses and a cap. Here is a photo of everyone hanging out.

Here are my Flickr photos from the event. I posted them on Facebook too, which makes me wish I could somehow sync my FB and Flickr photos in an easier way.

I had a lot of other friends that went to ACL that I didn't get to see or run into. From what I have heard, they all had great times. Over all, my two days at ACL were a great experience. I'm glad Andrea was able to come and enjoyed her company.

Part of life is growing and becoming the person you want to be, not just accepting the person you are. I can probably say that I was the kind of person that held on to the past because I believed that it was somehow romantic. Your past can always be just how you choose it to be, which makes it easier to hold on to. To let go I thought was to admit that everything I experienced was not real...but that notion is not romantic, it is just unhealthy. The truth is always changing. Why hold on to things you don't even want? For example, I have old cell phones that are out of date, a zip drive, and other random things in my closet that serve no real purpose other than the memories they represent, or this faint notion that you never know when you are going to need that 250mb zip disk (My camera sd card has 8GB). I like my new stuff better, yet I still hold on and do not throw them away. I've cast myself as tourtured romantic lead in the story and have lived my life accordingly.

Music is great in that it brings back memories. An example of this is actually relates to the band Muse. I saw them two years ago at ACL for the first time and even wrote about it. It was very hard for me then. I think they are a great band, and they have a lot of songs I think are amazing, but unfortunately, they represented something different for me at the time. They had baggage of being the favorite band of a former flame, the one she discovered without me and saw the night we both knew things were over forever. She had once dedicated the song "Bliss" to me and instead of taking it at its lyrics and being appreciative, it meant only what I wanted it to mean and it made me feel worse. This is all stuff that only exists in your mind, oblivious to anyone around you.

So now, all these years later, I was in the same spot, listening to the same band and I knew it would be different. And to my surprise, it was different. I had let go. This was now my moment, the moment I got past all the bullshit that seems to permeate different aspects of my life. This moment was about the moment, at this time, not a moment to relive another moment where I was pining about something else. My thinking was better and I let go of this unproductive waste of time of my untamed wandering mind. That meant a lot to me. I listened to each song with joy and the freedom it represented. It is easy to say, just get over it, or even to think, yeah I'm over that...but to feel it, that was a big deal for me. It does help that the show they put on was amazing, she did have good taste, and I'm a fan of their music.

Today, Sunday, is 10/10/10. I hear a lot of people got married today. I don't know of any friends that did, but it was still a pretty cool day. I mainly spent it relaxing, watching the Cowboys disappoint me and feeling hopeful about things to come. Oh, I decided to get those barefoot running shoes with the toes for my next paycheck. I hope they are as cool as they seem. I plan to use them to run, since I think they look silly as regular shoes.

I saw this video on SNL and thought it was very funny. It is called "Damn it, my mom is on Facebook."

watching you from above

Behavioral Issues

2010-10-02T12:39:00.009-05:00

“I am easily satisfied with the very best.” - Winston Churchill

I have a few pets and one of them is my cat Koki. Unfortunately, I don't know her exact birthday, but I got her as a baby kitten and she is now about 8 years old. That is the longest I have ever owned/cared for a pet. She has been sick lately, at least I think. She is down to 8.5 lbs, from 11 or 12 she was about 3 years ago. Koki peed on my comforter 4 times in two weeks. I know it could be behavioral, but there was also a chance she was sick. I decided to take her into the vet. $300 and a full day of tests later, I found out that she didn't have anything particularly wrong with her, but that due to her urine tests, she needed to go on this special diet. A UTI was ruled out which I thought it might be. I had decided, that less than $100, Mia (my other cat) would get to go to the vet for being the cat version of most kids today (she is obese). For $200, I'd understand, but anything more and I'd be sad (what else can I do.) To be fair, the vet was super nice and very knowledgeable and performed a lot of tests, which I'm sure had to be done, but I feel like complaining.

The assumption seems to be that Koki has anxiety and it is leading to hair loss from licking and the aforementioned peeing issues. I had told that vet that I hoped it was only behavioral because at least then I would know she was healthy, but she said that medical can at least be treated. I didn't want to argue with her, but there are a lot of medical issues that can't be treated too, so I'll take anxiety.

My theory is that some how our house got invested with fleas and the anxiety of all the itching made her urinate at bad times in bad places. That is the only real change in circumstance that I can think of that could have led to this. That said, I can't get in a cat's mind. I'll do my best to keep up with her "just in case" meds and her new cat food.

I don't have dental insurance, but I care about my teeth so I had an appointment with my dentist last week. I have to pay cash, so I came in with a coupon. That felt a bit weird, but I got a great deal. For $29 I got x-rays and a check up. Then for $80 bucks more I got a cleaning. (The special when I went was $79 for x-rays and a check up.) I have no cavities which is great news. I got a bit of a lecture, but still the news was positive.

I even had an eye check up the same day for the progress from my Lasik. I'm doing well, I'm at 20/20, but there are issues with blurriness still. I was told to use drops more often. I will still say that that surgery was one of my best decisions. I'm very pleased and would recommend it to anyone.

There was this new show on Fox called "Lone Star" that I thought was great. I was going out of my way to tell people to watch it. It was going to be the new Lost I would say. Maybe I'm just a fan of confidence men, but the plot was interesting. The show then gets canned after just 2 episodes. Are you kidding me? It even had good reviews, but no one watched it. I blame Rick Perry...just kidding, but seriously, I want to blame someone. I'm probably alone with this because well, look at the ratings.

So there are a few movies I'm interested in seeing. First, "The Social Network," also "The Town." At some point I want to see the new Wall Street, but I think I can wait until it is out on DVD (remember when we used to say 'tape' or 'vhs'). I should probably make more of an effort to get out to the movies. You know what else looks good, "Secretariat."

I have been going out a lot more lately. It is physically more demanding than I imagined. Maybe I shouldn't drink each time I go out. Inspired by a friend of mine, I've been on a string of dates. I must say, they have all been good experiences, but no real romantic connections as of yet. Maybe it is just me, but I feel real tentative. I think I just needed a change of pace and this was an interesting change. I do feel a bit tired of having the same conversations over and over, but you always have the hope you will a person that will knock you off your feet. I guess what I have found out is that I'm really in no rush to meet them.

So it is Friday night at around 9pm and I find myself at dinner with just myself and three very attractive ladies I had never met before this day. I was having a good time with a Maker's on the rocks in one hand and then I took a second to think about how it was exactly I ended up at this point. -- My plans after work on Friday were go to home and rest after what felt like a very long week. A friend of mine invited me out to the Belmont for happy hour and since I had been out of touch lately, I decided to make the effort and go to catch up. This is one of my favorite lounges in Austin and there was a band playing Frank Sinatra style music. I guess the official genre is swing, crooner, Jazz, or lounge. See I'm still not sure, bit it was good stuff. The guy was amazing and his band was great. While we were there, I met up with some of her other friends and even friends of friends. The friend who invited me couldn't stay too long because she had a late shift at the hospital, but when she left I decided to stick around and have another drink. There were four people left. This one guy who was a lawyer by education, but worked in the political realm. I'm not sure what he does exactly, but I think it has to do with political commercials. I assume the guy was conservative, but he was awesome, smart and one of those really charismatic types. His confidence and interactions I was impressed with. Then there were two other girls, one who was a doctor and was cute as a button. The type of girl that is fun to be around and you try to keep yourself from getting lost in staring. Nothing that you could say is wow, but as a whole just attractive. She was older than me, as was her taller attractive friend, which made things more laid back since I could remove them as romantic interests and get to know them. We moved to another bar where we had a few more drinks. I enjoyed the fact that these girls were really sharp people, with not only great conversation skills, but people who had their lives together, with careers and who could talk about relationships in a manner that had a sense of wisdom behind it. The guy was also older than me and the type of guy you would want as a mentor in the business world or probably even in the social world. We had some good conversations and I just laid it out as far as my thinking went because there was no need to put up any sort of front and they had thoughts and advice that were actually meaningful. I caught myself thinking about the way I thought about things. I heard stuff like, "I used to think about things in that way when I was your age, but now that I'm older, I see it this way..."

After drinks, the girls were off to dinner and their guy friend decided to call it a night, so they had an extra seat for dinner and were so kind as to invite me. This is where my propensity to over think things gets in the way. I declined the first invitation, mainly because they didn't know me and were probably just trying to be kind. On the second invitation, I decided that I didn't care about the reasons behind the invitation, but that it would be fun so I went. We get to the place and meet up with their third friend. Another super cute girl who for some reason I felt like I had met or seen before, but I couldn't place it for the life of me. I kept this to myself. So there I was, sitting at a table in this nice restaurant with 3 other girls I had just met, having dinner and an enjoyable conversation. We talked relationships and experiences and I tried to balance being reasonable with pushing some limits on what I thought. The conversation had started with a story about one girl's most recent dating development, in which I tried to stay out of the way so that she could update her friends. But after, we just hit all kinds of topics, from people being too needy to whether holding back is a good thing or a bad thing. I'm sure some of my comments didn't make the best impression, but I wanted a more honest dialogue. At one point, the button girl, she pulled out a list she had on her phone of what she was looking for in a man. She had actually taken the time to put this comprehensive list together and as I read it, part of me was thinking, dude, I'm all of these things. But then I thought about it, these are all the things I want to be, how many of them truly are me. I'd hope to say most of them, but I'm pretty biased. At the end of the night, we parted ways and I left feeling like I had an enjoyable night with a lot of things to think about. For example, the idea of dating a person you are not that excited about. Even if I know something isn't going to work out, I'll give it a shot to see if things get better. They were all big advocates of not wasting a person's time. So the lesson learned was that you never know where a night is going to take you and maybe I should be more open to seeing where the night takes me.

Austin City Limits is this weekend. I decided only to go on Saturday, instead of Friday, Saturday and Sunday. It is mainly a function of being too lazy and money conscious to find a 3 day pass on Craigslist. Muse is the headliner I'm excited about seeing, and I'm asking friends who I should check out since I'm not the best up to date on the latest bands. I'm excited. I'm sure there will be an entry dedicated to this soon.

Finally, here is a random story I forget if I have shared. I was in the grocery store the other day buying groceries and I decided I needed sandwich products. I was looking for cheese and by instinct I picked up Velveeta. Then I started to think about why I bought Velveeta. Growing up, we always had Kraft cheese in our house. I'm not sure why this was the selection, but for me, it was what cheese I ate. When I went to college, I wanted to save some money, so I would always buy the store brand cheese, so I guess I didn't have any real brand loyalty. After college, I was shopping for groceries with my then girlfriend and I picked up a pack of store brand 32 cheese singles. I didn't think anything of it. She got the cheese and put it back and got Velveeta. She said, "We are out of college now, we have jobs, we can afford to pay extra get the good stuff, we deserve it." I never had a preference for cheese, but I guess that was the brand she liked, so from that point on I always bought Velveeta. Even now, all these years later, each time I move for the generic cheese, I hear her voice and decide that I deserve the good stuff and always pick Velveeta. It is so automatic that just the other day I thought about it and it all came back.

it feels good to be excited

With Much Haste

2010-09-24T16:21:00.004-05:00

“We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken.” - Fydor Dostoevsky

It has been a while since my last entry, a very common theme as of late. I just finished a three week long trial and I am beat. I feel physically and mentally drained, but it is such a great experience. The feeling of having a witness up there and having to ask the right questions to get the proper evidence is a good one. You always have to be on point and pay close attention. It reminds me that I like what I do. I haven't read much news, watched a lot of TV or kept up well with friends this past month. It feels like at times, why even keep a blog if I don't write in it anymore. I have notes that I have that I wanted to write about, but they are weeks old and I feel less motivated to jott them down at this moment. I'll skip most of them since I forget what is old and what is new. At least this entry will help me feel better about myself. I'm starting to get my head above water and as I go into a new week, I'm starting to see day light. I'm already planning my vacation.

Speaking of, I'm traveling to Washington, DC on October 30th for the Daily Show's Rally to Restore Sanity on the National Mall. I was sold when I heard, "We're looking for the people who think shouting is annoying, counterproductive, and terrible for your throat; who feel that the loudest voices shouldn't be the only ones that get heard; and who believe that the only time it's appropriate to draw a Hitler mustache on someone is when that person is actually Hitler. Or Charlie Chaplin in certain roles."

Hell, I might even check out March to Keep Fear Alive. I'm excited to visit with Mark, Ashley, Sam, Bob and Angie. I'm also hoping to see my other DC pals and Dan and Thea. It is going to be an awesome, yet reasonable time. It will be a short three day weekend, but I'm very much looking forward to it. It will be a good escape too. If you are going to be there let me know.

I don't know exactly how I fully feel about returning to DC for other admittedly irrational reasons. For the most part I'm extremely excited. Thank goodness for the distraction of the Rally though. Places have memories and feelings associated with them. It is hard sometimes when you see and experience things that bring rushes of memories pouring back that rationally don't make sense, but it is like your body is reacting. The good ones you miss, the bad ones you don't want to resurface. A cherry blossom means so much more than a cherry blossom, each metro stop has a story and even the supermarket aisles speak volumes. It is like hearing that old song that transports you to another time. Some songs makes you nostalgic and others make your stomach hurt. Time changes a lot of things though, and I've had a lot of that.

It makes me think of how much I would like to go back and visit Cornell. The thing is, unless I was going with friends, it wouldn't feel the same. All the same places, yet what really made the place was the people and friends. For me a trip there would be like visiting an alternate reality where none of us exist and people own iPads. That is why reunions are the best time to return I gather.

On Friday night, many many weeks ago now, Abram invited me to a BBQ at his friend's house. It was in San Marcos, and I haven't been that way in a while. I had a great time and got to meet some new and interesting people. The food was good and was cooked on a gas grill, something I have never seen. I know they are somewhat common, but I have always used a charcoal grill, so it was a neat novelty. We hung out outside and shared stories and some of us even traded barbs. We ended off the night with board games, which is always fun. There was one girl I met who I thought was really cool so maybe I'll get to see her again some time. I think life is cool that way.

At some point, I went to see a comedy show which I found to be very funny and another week I checked out a street magic festival. It was not as cool as it sounds. I guess I imagined some sort of cool David Blane type thing and instead it was glorified clowns doing tricks for kids. I've kept busy the best I can and somehow when I'm the most busy I'm the most motivated to try new things.

At another point, I learned about helping a friend get out of jail and learned that the whole bail bonds thing sucks. If only I practiced criminal law. There are still a lot of things I need to learn about being a lawyer. You tend to focus on what you do and I think it pays to be a generalist. This is a topic for another day.

Speaking of law, I just found out that two of my friends opened up their own law firms. I am very excited and proud of both of them. I have yet to have a chance to really talk to them about their decision, but man it takes courage and determination to just go out on your own and be your own boss. I'm not at a point where I could feel confident doing that, but if I ever did, I'd hope to do it the way they did. I can't wait hear about it and see how it goes. They are going to do amazing I'm sure.

Two weeks ago, I went to tailgate for the UT v. Wyoming game. Met up with my sister Ana. Rick hooked us up with some free tickets, which I'm super thankful for and we, being Abram, Norbert and I, had a great time at the game. I'm always amazed at the generosity of other people. This weekend I'm hoping to join them at the UT v. UCLA tailgate. They won the HEB tailgate award last week, so they are going to be on the Jumbotron. How awesome it that?

Well that is my summary, the part I'd like to put into writing of course, unless you want to know about my dentist and eye appointments next week.

visiting Austin

In Need of a Good Piano Bar

2010-08-27T16:30:00.007-05:00

“Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience.” - Unknown

Usually my mind wanders and I try to take my thoughts and ideas and put them on paper to see where I'm focusing my energy. I didn't know that was the luxury of an idle mind because with things being so busy this summer, especially at work, I've had less time to reflect and evaluate. I'm more in the process of just doing. October is my month I'm hoping, I'll hit the pause button, take some inventory and see what goals I'm not actively pursuing. Sometimes you have to take the long look at things and say, hey, I haven't talked/hung out with so and so for months or what happened to your budget plan and least favorite, am I really eating the best type of foods that I can. Man the list can go on...why are those books half read, what should I do with this clutter, are my pets getting the proper attention and exercise, how is my grandmother doing (who I called today).

My motions hearing for work this week went well. I enjoy the arguing much more than I had thought I would. I had it in my mind that the writing was the part for me, but nope, it's the argument. I'm still keeping pretty busy, but I don't have to bring work home with me for the most part, so it is still ideal. I really enjoy my job I must say. Another week until the trial. I am excited, but too bad I'll be working on Labor Day. Hopefully I'll just make my own labor day in the fall. I am getting a lot of great experience and getting finally exercise some of my skills.

Tuesday, I had a golf lesson, but due to rain, my friend Azalea and I went to happy hour instead. She is so lucky to live in downtown Austin. I think if I lived there, I'd be at happy hour daily. We had some good chats and she helped me put some things in perspective. We see the world in similar ways in some respects and in completely different ways in others. I guess you are an accumulation of your experiences.

Sunday, is my friend Christina's birthday. I'm excited for her, since everyone loves their own birthday. We had plans to celebrate on Friday, but her family ended up coming into town instead. We will probably do something later. That sucks. She still has a few years left in her 20s, I hope she enjoys them. Her brother just turned 21 today, so she is getting to do a lot of celebrating this weekend.

I had heard about the Facebook movie and thought, what a terrible idea. I don't know what I thought, maybe that it was a movie about people being friends online or something. Then I saw the trailer. Wow, the story about how Facebook was created seems really interesting. I must say, now I'm actually looking forward to watching The Social Network. Here is the trailer below. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EnamMtQs1fI]

The first real week of school is over and I'm hoping everyone is settling in well. My life isn't much different, but I'm sure yours may be. I'm glad I have all that behind me and don't have to worry about the parent part of it for quite some time. I remember thinking 12th grade would never come when I was back in 2nd grade. Little did I know, I had 7 more years after that. My trip to work is now much longer thanks to school buses and 4 schools zones I must traverse. Maybe I'll just get an earlier start.

I am very much in the mood for a piano bar. It has been too long since I have gone. I think that might be the welcomed jolt I need. Or maybe a good 80s cover band. That, of course, and a cold beer. I really should get down to San Marcos.

funny, cool with the lines

An Enigma of Sorts

2010-08-22T21:41:00.001-05:00

“The best way to waste your life, ... is by taking notes. The easiest way to avoid living is to just watch. Look for the details. Report. Don't participate.” - Chuck Palahniuk

Last weekend, I took Abram to the driving range with me to hit some golf balls. He ended up picking up golf really quickly and doing much better than I am, and that is with my lessons. It made me want to work harder on learning the game and becoming adequate enough to hang. Part of me was jealous, but the other part was happy because I'll have someone I can play with when I actually start playing games. (Or do they call it rounds?) I even purchased golf shoes and a glove, so I'm in it for real.

On Tuesday, I had another golf lesson with my friend Azalea. I'm thankful to her for coming up with the idea. It was fun, we got to practice on two holes with the instructor. After, he let us stay and play on the course. We played until dark, and even though I did lose quite a few balls, I was happy with my improvement. I do wish I would have picked this up much sooner than I have.

I have been swamped at work. Due to our deposition schedule, I've been taking a lot of notes. I hope they are good because it is hard to improve on something if you don't know if you are doing it wrong. I was supposed to go to Houston again this past week, but I ended up staying in the office to work on some motions. I really enjoy writing motions, and though I usually hope to have more time to write them, I really thrive on the feeling of having made a strong argument. I have felt really valued added at work and I hope to keep up the hard work. I found out I'll be working on Labor Day, so after this trial I'm going to take a well deserved vacation. I just found out that there are cheap tickets to Puerto Rico, which would be fun, but I don't think I'm ready to go again just let. Maybe San Diego finally, so I can stop talking about it. My friend Oscar and his girlfriend just went and they had a great time.

My niece, Bekkah, starts college next week and I'm so proud and excited for her. She even got a car from her father, which was an expense I didn't foresee, but it makes me feel so much better that she will be mobile. I really hope she is safe, especially since she just recently got her license. The next four years will fly by and I will be the proudest uncle when she walks across that stage with her little sister watching as she is about to embark on her own college journey. The world can be a trying place and I want my loved ones to have every advantage they can to do well for themselves in a country that in many ways still rewards hard work. My sisters should be going up to see her when she moves in. It is an important moment. They went up when my brother went to college. For me, I was alone because Cornell was so far, but even memories of my parents driving me up to summer camps at colleges left an impression. I'm gonna let her settle in and then go and visit.

The new school year is starting. My nieces Sarah and Jamie will be starting high school. Talk about an experience. I'm excited for them. These 4 years will shape who they become, which if you think about it is kind of scary. Kids do grow up fast. All I can think about is how all the school zones I have to drive through in the morning are going to slow me down. For my teacher friends out there, I hope you had a great summer. I will forever be envious of your summers off. But not as much for the time you spend with misbehaving kids. I would love to teach, but not have to deal with the behavior stuff. A college professor is probably more up my alley. Man I go off on tangents.

Saturday night was a pleasant experience. I invited a girl out on a date and ended up having a much better time than I expected. I try not to talk about my personal life when I write, since it is best left to being lived, but after enjoying reading about seeclaudiadate.com 's adventures in dating, I feel like making an exception today. I will, of course, keep the true details to myself, but there were a few things I wanted to share. The plan was simple, dinner and drinks, a good old fashioned 1980s style get to know you date to determine if there were any common interests or even just friendship possibilities. When we meet up, I decide to pull an audible, and instead take her to Bat Fest. In Austin, we have the South Congress Bridge Bats, which fly out from under the bridge. There is a long story about them, which I've mentioned in my blog a year or two ago, but in short, it is pretty awesome. Each year they have this festival to celebrate this unique attraction and it had totally slipped my mind when making plans. Having a cheerful, relaxed and laid back attitude, she was happy to check it out with me, so we ditched dinner. There were bands playing, all kinds of stands and lots of people, especially along the edge of the bridge to see the bats. It was much darker than I expected and the bats flew out much later than I remember from years past, so they were harder to see, but the sight was still amazing to me. Here is a video I found that shows the bats so you can know what I'm talking about.

People were really friendly there and I had many conversations with people about the bats. After Bat Fest, we headed to the Warehouse District where I took her to a few of my favorite bars and chatted over drinks. We had a lot in common and the conversation was really easy. I'm usually pretty talkative, so I enjoy conversations, but she has some great stories. I felt a bit guilty that we had skipped dinner, even though the bats were worth it, so we finished out the night at a local pizza truck. That is a date with me, eating a slice of pie on the side of the street at 2am. It was good pizza. I liked how she folded her pizza like a Northeaster. No matter how things work out, it was an enjoyable summer night.

Sunday, I went to the driving range with my friend Oscar. I'm practicing and practicing, but I feel like I'm missing some fundamental that when I get down will change my life. Oscar if very good and plays a lot, so I'm always happy for his pointers. Practice makes perfect I keep telling myself. After, I did some shopping, mainly for items for my pets. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but they have fleas that I just can't rid them of. I have tried drops, baths, collars. But they are stubborn. While in the pet store, I bought Koki a cat cave and she loves it, which she better considering the outrageous price I paid. She had been using my hamper, so I figured I'd get her a real one. I bought Mia a cat bed that she enjoys.

Norbert's friend has been living with us for the past month or so. She has been a great house guest/boarder as I affectionately call her. If we had another room, she would be an ideal roommate, though I'm sure living with 3 guys isn't ideal. If I understood correctly, she will be moving out soon. I'm sure she will enjoy having her own room and some true privacy and her dog will enjoy not having my puppy jump all over him. It really was almost like she wasn't here at times. Such a nice girl. The guys are going to miss her PS3 with her streaming netflix I'm sure.

four points

30 Dates in 30 Days

2010-08-10T10:38:00.005-05:00

"It is the woman who chooses the man who will choose her." - Unknown

My friend Claudia has taken on a new project which I find to be very interesting, and adventurous to say the least. In reflection of turning 30, she has undertaken the task of going on 30 dates in 30 days in south Florida during the month of August. Here is her website where you can track her progress: http://seeclaudiadate.com/. There is also an interview that was done of her on http://sexandthebeach.blogspot.com/2010/08/broward-woman-goes-on-dating-spree.html that I feel sums it up well.

All I can think is that the setting up the 30 dates must be the hardest part of the ordeal. As she has already started, I have enjoyed reading her entries about each date. I hope she doesn't hold back too much in an effort to not hurt feelings. I wish her the best of luck. As a guy, all I could think is that would be expensive if a guy did it. She is going to accomplish in a month what has taken me 30 years to do (less you know the last 15.)

I've written a lot about my work travels recently and I'll probably keep this up only because it involves travel and its still a new and novel experience for me. On Wednesday night I head out to Houston again for work and will be returning on Friday night. Then the following Wednesday I'll take my last trip to Houston and once again return on Friday. The three hour drive is pretty boring, I'd much rather be doing a 5 hour drive to the Valley.

This past weekend my sister Ana and Rick came up to Austin. I went on Saturday to play golf with Rick. It was my first time playing an actual game and I knew I was not prepared. We played in teams and even though I did terribly, they were all encouraging and I had a great time. I really think that if I practiced more I'd actually be able to play. It was a great first experience playing golf.

After, we went to a BBQ at Rick S.'s house. The Ricks always make great food and Ana made some really good rice, and I'm picky about rice. It was nice hanging out and hearing their stories about how they met and their old frat days at UT.

I spent the weekend setting up network attached storage at my home. It was a complex procedure, but I like the idea of having a place where I could back everything up in case my drives failed. I like it, but I don't know if I have it set up right exactly. I'm proud of my computer skills though I will say.

why does everything that needs motivation feel so much like work?

Valadez Wedding trip to Arizona

2010-08-05T23:27:00.009-05:00

"Albert: You know, honestly, I never knew I could feel like this. You know? I swear I'm, I'm going out of my mind. It's like I want to throw myself off of every building in New York. I, I see a cab and I just wanna dive in front of it because then I'll stop thinking about her.

Hitch: Look, you will. Just give it time.

Albert: That's just it. I don't want to. I've waited my whole life to feel this miserable. I mean and if this is the only way I can stay connected to her, then this is the way I have to be.

Hitch: No, you don't, you can change, you can adapt. You can make it to where you never feel

like this, never again." - Hitch (2005)

My cousin Mario just married his fiance Sarah last weekend. I attended the wedding in AZ and I'm very happy for them. I had a great time on my trip, but let me do some catching up before I talk about it.

Last week, I traveled to Houston for work on Tuesday (7/27) and Wednesday (7/28). I had to attend some depositions. I don't travel a lot for work at my job, so I was somewhat excited. I don't go to Houston often and feel very unfamiliar with the city. My work there was uneventful. I got back to Austin and then on Friday (7/30) I few out to Phoenix, AZ for my cousin's wedding. I had a direct flight which is always nice.

I arrived very quickly, but there was a problem picking me up, so I had to wait an extra hour at the rental car place until my mother, tia and uncle came to finally get me. It was really early, so I didn't mind. We had breakfast at IHOP and caught up. I hadn't seen my Tia Mati and and Tio Jesse in some time and it was nice to see that they were doing so well. They just live up the road in Ft. Worth, I should visit more, but don't often have occasion. I have always appreciated how well they treat me. My mom had been in town for a while before me and was going to stay for a while after. It is nice being a teacher and having a long summer vacation.

After breakfast, we headed to my cousin Sonia's house where my mother had been staying. I was amazed that people didn't have lawns and that must of the homes were very much in a stucco style (probably a correct term for this). Her house was very nice, inside and out, but it had the effects of numerous family members and friends coming through. I was envious of her hot tub, even more so than Mario's pool at his house. My grandmother was there waiting for us and we visited.

Soon after, we all went to a hotel in Scottsdale to check in and had lunch at In-and-Out Burger. It was my second time there in my life, the first being while I was in college and went to visit a friend in LA. She worked there and introduced me to such good burgers. It would never compare with Whataburger for me, but it was a memorable part of a very memorable trip. I'll always have good memories from that place and my family was excited that they had not so hidden Bible passages on the cups. Not closed on Sunday like Chick-fil-a I bet.

Later we went back to my cousin Sonia's house where I saw my cousin and her sister Marissa, her husband Steve and their cute baby Lukas. They came all the way down from Alaska. I also visited with my Tia Sarah and my Tio Mario who were very excited about their son getting married. Soon after, they all had to leave to the church rehearsal.

I helped my cousin Sonia pick up the food for the rehearsal dinner/party at Mario's house on Friday night. They served some very good enchiladas. My mother and Tia helped serve as I got to visit with all of Mario's family and friends. I was finally able to meet his finance Sarah, who was a really nice girl. Mario was busy entertaining and as the second belle of the ball we didn't get that much time to chat, but it was still nice seeing him again.

Saturday morning, I had breakfast with my mother, grandmother, and Tia Mati and Tio Jesse. We toured Scottsdale and even visited the mall there. Finally, we got ready and made our way to the wedding. It was a drive out there, and we ended up getting to the parking lot just in time. The place was pretty cool I must admit. It reminded me of the Mapple store from the Simpsons. There was a very big mountain in the background. There was also quite a walk up the hill and since my grandmother is getting older, we didn't get to the actual church until the wedding had already started. We waited for the bride to make her entrance and then we went in. I had never seen a wedding from this vantage point before.That is usually one of the best parts of the wedding. The ceremony was nice, much shorter than I was used to, but I was more distracted with how neat the glass building looked from the inside and the way they decorated. Here is that Mapple building I mentioned.
Here is the actual photo from the outside. Here are my photos from my trip to AZ:http://www.flickr.com/photos/hyadus/sets/72157624504120133/

Here is a small video I took and by small I mean short.

Afterward was the reception at the resort we were staying at. It was a very nice place. They had a cash bar that I was happy came with a heavy handed bar tender. Everyone had a great time at the reception and even though there were not a lot of people my age, I had an enjoyable time. Sarah's family was also very religious and I thought the best man speech by Mario's dad was good. Sarah has three brothers who were super high energy balls and all over the dance floor. You could tell they cared about her very much, but wow, they were extroverted. They skipped the ceremonial throwing of the bouquet and guarder which I didn't mind because I always secretly hope that it doesn't come at me.

The reception ended at 10pm, which is midnight on my internal clock, but I then hung out with my cousin Sonia and her two friends at their cottage she was staying at. I had a good time drinking some beers and chatting it up with the girls. I feel like I got to know my cousin better and her friends were really down to earth. I was probably quite the chatterbox, but I enjoyed myself. It is always nice hanging out with cousins.

Sunday morning, I took a car service to the airport, and then flew back to Austin. I then repacked and drove three hours to Houston for work on Monday. Some busy times I tell you.

Monday I had more depositions and then after work, I went to dinner with my friend from high school, Gennie. I haven't seen her in years and it was very nice to meet her fiance as well. They look very happy together. She was one of my closest friends back then and it was nice to see that even though she aged and matured that she was still the person I remembered.

Afterward, I went to have a drink with an old college friend of mine from Cornell. She is from Puerto Rico, a doctor and I guess is doing, let's say residency, in Houston. She gave me a tour of downtown and showed me all the hospitals. Man there are a lot. We chatted about life and where the last 8 years have taken us. She had some interesting stories. It was a nice time.

I worked again on Tuesday and Wednesday and then drove home to Austin. I had even heard from another old friend who I can never seem to come to an agreement with. I felt pretty tired after all of that traveling. I'm very thankful that Abram took care of my pets while I was gone.

I took some time to finally get an entry together and I apologize for how cursory it was, but things as of late feel like all the balls I have been juggling are falling one by one and I have forgotten where they have landed and rolled off to.

neglecting my dating life it feels like

The Austin Visit - Barton Creek

2010-07-20T16:36:00.001-05:00

"Moral certainty is always a sign of cultural inferiority. The more uncivilized the man, the surer he is that he knows precisely what is right and what is wrong. All human progress, even in morals, has been the work of men who have doubted the current moral values, not of men who have whooped them up and tried to enforce them. The truly civilized man is always skeptical and tolerant, in this field as in all others. His culture is based on "I am not too sure." - H. L. Mencken

The weekend before last I watched the World Cup Final. Spain came out victorious, but man it was a boring game. I mean, there was a point where I was happy it was going to penalty kicks

because at least that would be exciting. But then Spain scored, a nice goal I admit, and the game was over. Well good for them and here is looking forward to the next World Cup in 4 years or the Women's World Cup in 2011. I don't know why, but this year just felt like a let down soccer wise.

I have exciting news, on Sunday, July 18, 2010, my friend Jorge's daughter Sofia Mendoza was born. I don't know much more than what I can tell from a picture of a new born baby that he texted to me, but I'm very excited for him and especially his wife Michelle. Jorge is the first of my close college friends to start a family. I hope to be a great fake uncle to this little girl. She was originally due on July 21st.

This weekend my family came up from the Valley to visit my brother and I in Austin. My sister Ana came with her daughter Sarah and my nieces; Rebekkah, Jamie, and Tori. My cousin Alex came with her two girls; Victoria and Isabella. They rented a van, they dubbed as "big sexy" and while on their way up, they were asked by the border patrol at the checkpoint if they were part of some church group. I thought it was pretty funny.

They got in on Friday night while I was napping. I awoke to have a full house. Even my cousin Ralph (Alex's brother) dropped by, who I hadn't seen since we were little kids. I got to meet his wife and kids which was nice. We ordered pizza and watched movies. Here are the photos and videos I have from the trip: http://www.flickr.com/photos/hyadus/sets/72157624546412944/

On Saturday, Abram took everyone to Sculpture Falls at Barton Creek. We hiked about half a mile and then they swam in the water. There were a lot of people there, and lots of dog owners with their dogs. After, we hiked another mile to Sculpture Falls and hung out there for some time. It was a fun experience and that is considering I'm not really the outdoor type.

On the hike back, we stopped at a rock wall that I had been eying. I wanted to see how far up I could climb, so I decided to try it out. Half way up, Abram decided to try as well and made it to the top. I was ready to quit half way because I couldn't get to the next rock and I knew that if I fell, I would likely be badly hurt. But I did not, and I made it to the next rock and made it to the top. It felt great, that sense of achievement when you do something you didn't think you could do. I'm glad someone took a picture of it It probably wasn't too difficult, but falling is still scary.

That night we came back to the house and BBQed and watched more movies. It was overall a very enjoyable weekend and everybody was well behaved. I think it will be an adventure they remember when they are older.

On Sunday I saw the movie Inception with Christina. I somewhat regret not watching it in IMAX or in 3D, but it was a great movie. I highly recommend it. It really gets your brain working. It is a must see.

Finally, I'm working on a petition for review to the Texas Supreme Court. It is my first one and it is a great learning experience. I really think I can win this case, but there is a lot of hard work that has to be done. It is out of place I know, but it was on my mind.

fading memories

Summertime Experiences

2010-07-09T14:04:00.012-05:00

"Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness." - Chuang-tzu

The summer has hit and the heat has been mixed with lots of rain, which I do not mind considering how hot last summer was. I have yet to see a beach this summer, but hopefully I'll find some time to take a real vacation, but honestly I haven't thought of it much. I haven't been doing a lot of thinking lately it feels like. I just feel very uninspired as of late.

I'm a bit delayed on this, but I recently got an iPhone 4. I must say is a pretty awesome phone and my favorite part is that camera/video camera. It is much better quality than my iPhone 3G and has a flash. I was able to test it out at Mark's wedding and rarely used my digital camera. I did have some issues with my mic, so I exchanged it, which wasn't too bad. Now I'm trying to find a good case for it, but there are not many options out yet. I just hope they fix their reception issues.

One thing that sucked was that my iPhone wasn't working on my TomTom iPhone car kit mount when I plugged it in. I use this everyday and paid way too much for it, so this was disappointing. After reading some ideas on the web, I decided to try my own fix. I used velcro and made a quick video to test out my video camera on the phone. Well that video got posted on Engadget.com

Here is the article with my video embedded: http://www.engadget.com/2010/06/25/iphone-4-and-tomtom-car-kit-brought-together-with-velcro/. I was very excited about seeing my video on a site that I read daily.

I sold my old iPhone 3G, which I kept in pretty good condition and even gave the person the original box, bag and a free case. The cash came in helpful for my trip to Louisville. I probably could have gotten more money for it, but that always feels like the case after you sell something.

I can't seem to cement Chloe as my puppy's name. So far it is winning and I'm going to have to make it official at some point very very soon. I usually don't take this much time on picking a name. I guess I was really excited with Maddie (the kitten) and I wasn't as creative after. So I have been crate training her. This is not going as well as I hoped. She is getting used to her kennel. So I think we got this routine down, I take her out, she doesn't pee, I think I mistimed it and bring her back in where she pees on the carpet. Patience. Puppies are so much more work than kittens.

The other day I was out having sushi after playing tennis and I ran into an actor (Frank Lapidus) from Lost. I thought it was cool. I just admired from afar.

I'm still watching the World Cup despite the US and Mexico being out of it. I really thought Germany would make it to the finals, but I guess Spain was too much for them. I'm looking forward to the final this weekend. Another 4 years before I watch full games of soccer again.

While I was at Mark's wedding, I was recommended the series Mad Men. I had been wanting to see it for some time, so I decided to watch it. Less than a week later I was done with season 3. It is a very good series and I can't wait for the new season on July 25th on AMC.

There are not a lot of shows on this summer. There is Trueblood which I watch, but am not as big of a fan as others. I checked out Persons Unknown and wasn't too impressed, too bad it got bad ratings and was moved to Saturday. I like how they called it a mini-series since it wouldn't last past one season.

I got plane tickets to Phoenix, AZ for the end of the month for my cousin's wedding. I'm looking forward to it and to visiting a state I have never been to before. Too bad I'm trying to boycott AZ at the same time. I'm going to spend as little money as possible. I would really like to visit all the states (with exception of AK) at some point. I got a lot of them down and I can't imagine a reason to ever be in the Dakotas or Wyoming, but I'll figure it out.

Finally, my eyes are still healing from the Lasik, but I wish it would be quicker. I'm still seeing rings around lights at night, my eyes are a bit dry (not as bad as before) and they strain when using the computer at work. Of course, all this is a great trade off for being able to see and I'd do it again, but I'd like those side effects to go away anyway.

can only imagine the two weddings I did not attend

The Donahey Wedding Experience

2010-06-28T16:38:00.004-05:00

"Well, to say you stop loving someone you once loved more than anything else in the world would be a lie, but you move on, don't you, you have to move on." - Cal Lightman, Lie to Me, 6/21/10 "The Whole Truth"

Everyone wants that fairytale romance, but few people find it, and most come to believe it to be only an illusion. Mark and Ashley have found that in each other and it is more than apparent in the love that they share. I am so genuinely happy for both of them. Two impressive people and in the case of Mark, who I know well, a rare and great person.

In celebration of this love, this past weekend I went to Louisville, Kentucky for my friend Mark’s wedding, known as the Rainahey Wedding (Rainey-Donahey). Mark was my housemate from DC and I consider him one of my closest friends. I met Mark when I was working in DC. I had a good friend who quit work to go to law school in Miami, and Mark was hired in his place. I would joke to Mark that he was the new Fed and took my friend’s job. The more I got to know Mark, the more awesome I found him to be and it made sense when I was looking for a housemate to ask him. We lived together about a year before I decided to follow in my friend Fed’s footsteps and go to law school in Miami. One of the hardest parts about leaving friends behind in DC was not getting to hang out with Mark on a daily basis. That was harder the second time I left.
After a year away, I transferred back to DC to attend George Mason Law. Lucky enough, Mark was looking for a roommate, so we became housemates again. Mark had now moved up to this awesome job which even now I have trouble explaining. I spent the next two years in DC and my 3rd year of law school, Mark started his first year at George Mason Law. It was a blast.

The how is less important than how awesome of a friend Mark is. This guy is by far one of the smartest people I know. He possesses a gift for explaining really complicated things in simple ways. As I heard said about him at the wedding, he is the type of person that acts good even when nobody is watching. We had some great memories, from conversations about politics, Notre Dame and social interaction to hours and hours of talk and practice of poker. He was a natural and I learned so much from him. I even went to see him compete in the World Series of Poker. A great conversationalist, and a jack of all trades. When I moved to Texas shortly after law school, little did I know he about to meet the love of his life.

It is now three years that I have been away and it is his wedding, an event that I would not miss. I was honored to be asked to be a groomsman and looked forward to meeting the famous Ashley who Mark talked so fondly about. She was so special, I learned about her right after they met. They were smitten at first sight. The story is a good one, and you should read about it at their Wedding Site. You should start in the About Us section and work your way down.

As a visual background, here are my photos from the trip and wedding. http://www.flickr.com/photos/hyadus/sets/72157624375664938/ I can't wait to see the professional photos taken.

Friday morning, June 25th, I woke up at 4am to catch a flight to Louisville, Kentucky. I had to make a connection, but the trip wasn’t too long. Arriving in Louisville, I was greeted by an awesome Maker’s Mark advertisement. If you know me, you know this is my drink of choice. I was introduced to it in DC in about 2002 and it has been my go to bourbon ever since. I wouldn’t have time to visit the actual factory, but I’ll be back to dip my own bottle soon enough.

I stayed at the Seelbach Hilton which was an older swanky hotel. I’m a fan of hotel rooms for some reason. The first thing I did was walk around the downtown area seeing all the bars that they had in the 4th Street area. It was very much a sight during the day and I would soon find out quite the event at night.

Finally, I got to see Mark, and it was like picking up where we left off. Mark, Dan, and Mark’s childhood friend Mark P. all went to pick up our tuxes. We chatted and joked and I got the highlights from his bachelor party from the night before, and the, what I imagine to be, sordid stories about the fun at the bachelorette party. It was great seeing Dan as well, I met him and his wife Thea through Mark during law school. They are awesome individuals and then step it up a level as an awesome team. I spent a lot of time with them during the wedding and they are so gracious and fun.

After taking care of our tuxing and a driving tour of Louisville by Mark, we returned to the hotel and decided to get a quick bite to eat to hold us over. Dan took us to this hotdog stand called Red’s Comfort Food. I had, for the first time, a Chicago style hotdog and my life was forever changed. Ok, well not really, but it was a great hotdog.

Then it was time for the Rehearsal at the church. I suited up for what would be a fun night. This is where I got to meet the other Groomsmen, many who I had met before and many more who I knew many stories about and felt like I knew them. Mark and Dan dressed in Seersuckers since they are both Virginia lawyers. It was awesome.

This was the moment I finally got to meet Ashley. Talk about a lovely bride. I was finally able to put a voice and person to countless stories during their journey together. She looked wonderful and this was only the rehearsal. Looking at Mark in his seersucker and Ashley in her white rehearsal dress, it very well could have been their wedding day, but they were only a day away.

I also got to meet the other groomsmen and bridesmaids. There was Mark's brother Mike, John V., who I once visited with in DC, Brent, who created this love spark by introducing the two, Dave P. from DC who I was happy to hear was also engaged, and Mark P. who knew Mark since he was little.

After the church, it was time for the rehearsal dinner. They had a private room at Z’s Fusion and the food was fantastic. We got the long version of the best man and maid of honor speeches that were very touching. You learn a lot about people from the stories their friends share. Mainly in what great esteem they are held. The open bar was welcomed and I loaded up on bourbon since, when in Rome.

It was a great time to see a lot of people again and meet some new faces. I must say, Mark and Ashley carry some good company. All stellar people, who not only have ridiculous amounts of education and fantastic jobs, but genuinely good down to earth people. You always read that successful and happy people surround themselves with the same and this seems to be the case. Both their families were so gracious and accommodating. Both their parents had strong lasting relationships that provided great role models for their children. I enjoyed their stories.

The night progressed to a bar called Proof. It was an art gallery and a bar which made it interesting. It was very nice. Here I got to see everyone else, including Scott and Heather from law school, Jim and his wife Michelle (who is now a private practice doctor) and met some new friends as well. Bars close at 4am in Louisville, so when the night was called, I thought I would be going home to rest up.

Instead, as I was stumbling to the hotel alone, I walked through 4th Street and saw that everything was still going on. I noticed that they had a Howl at the Moon Piano bar, so I made my way there. I love a good piano bar. There were some folks from other weddings celebrating, so I hung out with them. It was a fun night and it felt great to be able to walk back to my room instead of worrying about the driving issue.

Saturday, June 26th, was the big day. I slept in to work off the night before and be adequately prepared for the night to come. I even ordered room service for breakfast. It was also the day before Ashley’s parents 40th wedding anniversary, which made the day that much more special for them.

I met up with everyone to watch the USA World Cup match at a bar and had some good conversations with Dan and Dave. Mark showed up and was a bit stressed. The most awesome thing was that he wasn’t stressed in the least about getting married, that he wanted more than anything, it was the event, the making sure he did everything right on this most perfect day.
We had to leave at half time to get tuxed up, so I watched the 2nd half from my room. I did not know I would soon be disappointed by the US. We made our way to the church and I caught the overtime on my phone slingplayer.

It was time for the wedding. I helped out as an usher and helped seat people. Dave P was great at this, a stand up gentleman, escorting people to their seats. I just told people which side was which. I walked to the back room where Mark was be sequestered and he was there with his best man reading a letter that Ashley had written about him. I watched as he was completely moved and then quickly left to let him finish. This moment was later talked about by the best man at the reception and how much the letter moved Mark.

The groomsmen gathered in the side room and got pumped up. John V. had a great "Sunday, Sunday, Sunday" announcer voice he did and really wanted confetti and t-shirt cannons going off was we came out. Such a great character he was. It was an energetic and enjoyable juxtaposition to the reserved tone of such an important event. We all walked out took our places. The bridesmaids looked wonderful and the men were sharp as nails. I was honored to be up there with them.

Then the music started and the bride started walking out with her father. Ashley looked very beautiful. It was the first time Mark laid eyes on the dress she so carefully picked. Every eye was on her and the lighting in the church was enhanced by the sunshine coming through the stain glassed windows. Mark never looked happier. I'd share pictures, but I was busy looking groomsman like. I can't wait to see these professional pictures.

They looked perfect together. There were two readings, one was a reading of a letter Mark Twain wrote to his fiancée before they were married read by Mark's friend John O. It was moving and I wish I had it here to reproduce for you. The Pastor did a great job and decided to share with the couple excerpts of letters they each wrote to him on why they loved the other person. This was extremely moving and brought tears to my eyes, not a simple task considering they had not been able to produce tears since my Lasik the week before. This was my favorite part of the wedding. I was in awe of the true love I was witness to. It is what everyone aspires to and you could see they had found it.

Everyone talks about how much the grooms and brides are in love and perfect for each other, but in Mark and Ashley’s case, this is most truly a reality. I have rarely even seen two people so much in love and perfect for each other. And this comes from hearing just about how he talked about her over the years and was confirmed watching them together. It is a sight that brings real joy to the heart. I am so very happy for Mark that he found her and know that Ashley has found a pretty amazing guy who I'm proud to have as a friend.

After the wedding, it was time to celebrate. We headed over to the reception. There was an introduction of the wedding party to the tune of Rocky. I was unprepared for such an entrance and tried to spontaneously improvise to the best of my ability. It was so much fun. The dinner was superb.

The Best Man and Maid of Honor speeches were heartfelt and great, and I don't know how they came up with new material after giving the toasts the night before. When it was time for the first dance, they danced to Halo by Beyonce. It was a great choice. Here is a clip. (http://flic.kr/p/8dS7Y6)

The rest of the night consisted of an open bar, lots of dancing and socializing. I got to spend time with Dan and Thea, a couple that proves that married people can be not only a lot of fun, but great friends. There was Scott and Heather who I was able to catch up with after so many years. I didn't know them that well, but I feel like I know them a lot better now. Dave and his fiancée were happy to indulge me in sharing their love story, which I always enjoy. Having just met Brent and his wife Becca, I confirmed what I had heard, they were cool as shit. It was also nice to see Jim and his wife Michelle and meet John O. Like I have said, Mark travels in a stellar group of friends and these might just be a list of names to most, but were pretty cool people.

I even met some of Ashley's friends. I grouped them into family/home friends, Michigan friends, and DC friends, though it was completely arbitrary. The foreign service grad students were awesome. At one point they broke into German and I was extremely impressed. They knew a lot of languages and had interesting backgrounds. It was a bit hard to fully understand what they are going to be, but they did a good job of explaining. They may be spies one day I have concluded and they have denied, which would be super cool. I even met a Cornell alumni who sang Ave Maria at the wedding which sounded amazing.

At one point a guy, Ryan I think, asked us to all sit down behind each other in a line. I didn't know why, but I did it anyway. we looked like this. <<<<<<<< (top view - one guy = <). Then he ran at the group <--- and crowd surfed all the way down the line. It was pretty awesome and everyone took a turn. I would love to see pictures of this. Even the groom and bride got to crowd surf. It was a pretty creative idea and by the end my arms where shot, but it was super fun.

I also must give credit to the DJ. He was very good and took requests. It was nice to see how a professional DJ operates. He ended the night like most bars do, with Journey's Don't Stop Believing. As great as the song is, I really enjoy the ending to the Glee version where it ends with "Don't Stop."

Here is an interview on how Mark proposed. (http://flic.kr/p/8dS45H)

Scott set up the after party at the Seelbach Bar and I got to start the whisper campaign. We all met up there and I continued my bourbon binge. Mark and Ashley joined us and we closed the place down at about 2am. I tried to be as social as possible and meet as many people as I could. As they excused themselves to the Seelbach Suite, which I hear was awesome, those still brave enough, continued the night on 4th Street. We went to the Social Club and hung out there. By this point I really wore out my tux. I'm glad it was rented. Thea made a poignant comment during the night, she said, "it is ok to have a good time." Probably a comment on my propensity to forget to smile when I'm happy. She is a wise one.

Then the night came down to Dan, Thea, Eric and myself standing in the middle of 4th street. They knew I wanted to go to the piano bar, so since Marty wanted it, they decided to push on. Unfortunately, it doesn't stay open until 4am, but the gesture meant everything to me. We went back to the hotel room and parted ways with promises that I'll visit DC much sooner than the 3 years I've been away.

Sunday morning, I was less hungover than I expected, but maybe it hadn't been long enough. I flew back home and had time to rest before having to come to work the next day. It was an experience, one I'm glad I was able to be a part of.

There is so much to the story that I don't know, so much shared I never saw, but even from just my conversations with Mark over the years and watching them together these past few days, what I see between them is amazing and hope inspiring. I think that says a lot and they are both very lucky to have each other.

I wish them all the happiness and bliss in the world, something they have been enjoying for the past few years.

Marty's photos from the trip.

effort is not always half the battle

Claire Bear -- now Chloe

2010-06-21T13:38:00.009-05:00

"Life all comes down to a few moments. This is one of them." - Bud Fox, Wall Street (1987)

I'm finally back at work after my four day weekend after my Lasik. It went by really fast, but I think my healing is going well. I did a lot of resting and my life consists of many many drops. I even got to finally see the 1987 movie Wall Street. I thought it was pretty good and had a great message at the end. Here are are few quotes that I liked:

Carl Fox: Money's only something you need in case you don't die tomorrow...
Bud Fox: There's no nobility in poverty.
Gordon Gekko: You gonna tell me the difference between this guy and that guy is luck? [points at a bum and businessman]

I tried to skip the more famous ones. I'm looking forward to Wall Street 2 now. I must say, I could really identify with the not being able to pay off the student loans part. To think this movie was made before Enron, the financial collapse and debt swaps.

I feel like it is time to get back to life as normal, but it feels anything but. I feel like I need to make as many changes as possible to see how many will stick. There are so many things that are part of my normal routine, now that putting on contacts is no longer one, maybe I have time for something positive to fill that time with. I have been thinking this way for the past five years and I have to admit, I've made many great changes in my life, but there is always so much more I can do.

So I have a lot of old glasses frames with lenses. I know the lenses are useless, but the frames are good and in many cases cost a lot of money. I have two Ray-Ban frames, one I plan on giving to my sister and the other on selling. But that leaves years of old glasses just sitting there in a box. There is a donation box at Wal-mart where I can throw them in, but in my mind I'm donating hundreds of dollars since that is what they are all worth. Most likely I'll just do that, I'll donate them, but I have trouble parting with old things. I think I still have some old cell phones from college. Those should be recycled. I hope I'm not a person that hords things. The plan is next week to take them all down, but in the meantime, if you have any ideas, let me know.

I got a new puppy. I named her Claire for now. [Update: I think I'm going with Chloe.] She is Max's daughter. I don't know why, but when I saw her, it was the name that came to me. I broke my rule of not giving dogs people names, but for some reason it fit. It is still in the tentative stage though, I might change it, but if a week passes and a better name doesn't hit me, Claire-bear it is. Though, I could call her Clara instead. I think she is adorable and right now I'm working on house training her. So far Marty 0, wet carpet 2. Let's hope for better results today. Here is the picture of the adorable girl.

My friend Christina picked her up for me from the Valley on her trip up. It was very kind of her to do this favor for me. I'm a lucky guy to have such good friends. I took Maddie to her and we traded pets in San Antonio. It was hard to part with Maddie, she is a great kitten. A joy to have around and so adorable. She even cried when I left her. I do feel confident that she is going to a loving home, and like I have said before, I have enough pets already. Here is a picture of Maddie this weekend laying on my chest. Look at those adorable boots.

I did finally get to meet Maddie's mom, well a stray cat that I think is her mom. She is an orange tabby and was out outside my house. I let her in and gave her food and water, but she wanted none of it, which means she is being fed somewhere else. You could tell she had been nursing, but her reunion with Maddie was not like I expected. She didn't want much to do with her, which could mean that she isn't her kitten or that they have been apart for too long. In either case, I'm no longer worried that someone is missing their kitten. I let Maddie's mom out and she went about her way.

I'm still healing from the surgery and one of the things I was warned about was seeing halos and starbursts around lights at night. I can attest that this is true. I'm told it goes away, or at least gets better. It is very annoying and for the time being I'm not going to drive at night. For the day time I have my sunglasses, which are very helpful. I want to be completely healed already.

I wished my father a Happy Father's Day on Sunday, but we pretty much celebrated on Friday when he was in town. Dads are somewhat under appreciated compared to moms and I think there is good reason for that in many cases. I have to say though, Dads already have to share father's day with Grads (see Grad's and Dad's signs at stores), I don't think they should have to share it with single moms too. Many of my friends and family members are single moms and to me it just feels super common and I don't know how someone could handle that much responsibility. I understand the idea that a mom has to be both a mom and a dad to a child, but single moms still get Mother's day to celebrate their effort. You can't try to take father's day too. You don't see single dads or widowers trying to partake in mother's day. Then you'll have grandmothers, widows, mentors and older sibling sisters being celebrated on Father's day too? Dads, Step-dads, foster-dads, grandpas shouldn't keep having their special day watered down. It just seems infinitely regressive to try to expand it to others just because you might not be happy with the biological father. Then don't wish him one, I mean, it is pretty common sadly that there are absent fathers. I guess everyone can celebrate in their own way, but I think dads are important and should get their day. Yes, this is akin to that imaginary war on Christmas the Right loves to cry about, so I see how petty I sound, and I admit I'm being that, but I might be a dad one day, and I want my special day to mean something.

Today my mother had a minor surgery, and I note that it is surgery, so I don't consider it to be minor. My older sister told me that it went find and that she is now home re-cooperating. I hope she feels better. I'm sure soon she will be feeling a lot better. It is hard not to worry about that kind of stuff and I'm hoping everything is going to be much better.

emotional reactions

Post-Op Success and New Sunglasses

2010-06-19T17:43:00.001-05:00

“The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.” - Hellen Keller

I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to write this because I wasn't sure how fast my eyes would heal. I was surprised at how quickly I was able to see after the surgery. I had terrible eye sight, like if I were born during the days of hunting and gathering, I would for sure die pretty quickly due to not seeing oncoming attacks. I'm also pretty sure my allergies would have done me in as well. But I was lucky enough to be born in a time where glasses existed (and contacts) and then when lasers existed that could fix my eyes.

Here is how my experience went. On Wednesday I had to put drops in my eyes to prepare for the surgery on Thursday. I noticed that I don't like eye drops, but from what I hear, I'm gonna have to learn to like them because I'll be using a lot of them over the next few months if not longer.

I woke up early on Thursday, surgery day, and my dad drove me to the doctor. I was there for about two hours, but the whole procedure only took about 15-20 mins. They took me in and numbed my eyes. I was happy to take my Valium and I tried not to think about things. They had a lot of people they were working on that morning, so I sat in a waiting room for a while while the drops took hold. I just kept trying not to think about it. There rest is my subjective experience of the surgery.

Finally, they called me in and laid me down and put in a lot more drops. It was time for the first of the two lasers. Here they had to create the flap on my cornea, which they move, then treat with the second laser, put back and bam you are done. Luckily, the eye heals very quickly. So, there is this suction feeling on your eye, it doesn't hurt, but it is a bit uncomfortable. I will say the bed side manner of all the doctors was very good and made me feel very comfortable. While it was doing its work and they were counting down, at 3 or 2 they lost suction. This scared me very much, but I tried to remain calm and not say anything since I trusted the doctors. He was able to fix the flap, but all I could think was that I didn't want to be the exception where things go wrong. Then they did my left eye and it went off without a problem. For some people it goes black I was warned, and I was one of those people. Not too scary when you know it is coming. They then moved me and let me rest for a few minutes before moving me to the second laser. The first one is the hard part, but the second one they put this thing to hold your eye open that is uncomfortable I will admit, but you are almost there. Very Clockwork Orange. The laser you don't feel at all and it is just like looking at colors. Then before you know it, they are done, they cover the flap and they tape these goggles to your eyes and send you home. Other than the valium's sleepy effects, I was fine.

I came home and went right to bed and slept. The rest of the day I was supposed to not read or watch TV, but I did since I was excited. I was able to see as soon as I left, but it was a bit foggy, which is normal I'm told. When I woke up I was pretty impressed with my ability to see. The world was so clear, but I had to peek out the goggles which I had to keep on until the next morning. I removed them for putting in drops and that was when I got a preview of what was to come and I felt very good. I will say, it feels like I'm always wearing contacts. That is the closest experience I can compare it to. Funny way to put it I guess.

Most people go into work the next day, but I decided to take that day off too since I deserved it. I wanted to deal with everything at home without the stress of work. So, Friday morning, I had my one day post op exam and they said everything was healing fine, but I didn't ask how my vision tested. I have my one week on Wednesday where I will be sure to ask. It was so quick that I felt bad for having my father come with me. After, we went to the mall to buy a pair of sunglasses. I've never been a big fan of sunglasses because I'm either wearing glasses or contacts; and if contacts, I don't want the glasses feeling. The surgery did leave me a bit sensitive to light (temporary effect), so it was a good idea.

I found a nice pair of Maui Jim's. Abram recommended the brand. I think the model is called Shoreline. I'm not that good at picking out glasses, but over time I'm sure I'll get better. Here they are below.
They are pretty sweet I think and I hope to get a lot of use out of them. The rest of my time has been consumed with making sure I take my drops at the appropriate times and taking extra rest. I have a nice pair of Ray-Ban glasses I never used, but bought a year ago and thought were fake, but when I took them in, I found out that they were indeed real. I guess I should treat them a bit better now. It was like getting two pairs of glasses for one. I know the logic doesn't make sense, but it made me feel better.

On Friday night, my Dad and brother BBQed in the backyard. My dog Max, who now lives at my mom's house, had puppies because we thought my Mom's dog was way too old to have more puppies. There were four and my dad brought two up so I could pick one and raise. There was Girl Max and Brown Max as I dubbed them. I didn't want to give them real names until I decided which I wanted as to not get attached. I had my heart set on Girl Max because she looked like Max, but I discovered that she had a herniated umbilical cord, and I was concerned there could be complications after I got her surgery for it. Brown Max was the alpha male of the puppies and quite a character, but for some reason I didn't quite take a bond to him. Maybe I was still disappointed about girl max. So, I sent both puppies back home with my father and am planning on taking another one I call White Max, but will most likely name Claire. I have to spend some time with her to decide. Everyone loves puppies, and as of late I'm in a world of puppies and kittens.

I'm still fostering Maddie the kitten and my friend might come and pick her up this weekend. She is a great kitten and everyone likes her. Even my father offered to take her home with him if my friend backed out. It's not that people want kittens, it just something about Maddie that makes her extra adorable. I will say that I was glad she was busy hanging out with my dad because it made it easier for me to sleep. I'm gonna miss her when she is gone, but my cats Koki and Mia will be happy she is gone. They do not play well with others.

There are a few more details about the surgery that I don't want to talk about because it would just seem like complaining and I wouldn't want to discourage anyone from getting the procedure done because of a few negative comments specific to my case. Nothing big, just small stuff like some bruising, etc. If you know me, I'm sure I've told you a lot of the details and more than you probably care to know about it. If I had it to do again, I would for sure do it. Now, after I saw a video online of a person getting it done and all I could think was, Thank God I did not watch the video. It looks scarier from the outside looking in than from the inside looking out. The fear of watching some needle getting closer and closer to my eye was such a made up fear I don't know why I thought about it that way. I don't know, that is how I always imagined it. (No needles) If you are thinking about doing it, and can get the financing, I'd recommend it, and this is only day 3. Ask me again in a few months for a more reasoned opinion, but any small inconveniences and temporary side effects outweigh not being able to see well at all in the first place. I'm the biggest chicken when it comes to needles and blood, and thank goodness there were none of those things to deal with. The truth is that everyone I've ever talked to that got it only says great things and so far it is panning out. The care afterwards I worried about, but it isn't too bad and this is the worst part I'm sure.

I'm sure I'll share my updates over the weeks and months, but 3 entries so far on this is quite enough for the time being. I'm enjoying my 4 day weekend and have gotten in a lot of great World Cup games. I'm very excited for Mexico. Ok, well I'm off to put in some more re-wetting drops and rest my eyes, since writing this on a computer screen is probably not the brightest idea.

time to be bolder

The Day Before I Buy Sunglasses

2010-06-16T15:10:00.000-05:00

"A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her." -Oscar Wilde

I ran into this quote the other day and I thought it was telling. It is probably not the best sign of emotional maturity when I believe this quote to be as profound as I think it is. I do appreciate the fact that if you rigidly reduce your capacity to experience pain you inevitably reduce your capacity to experience joy and pleasure. I'm think we are all for being happy and that I must say is always my focus. That Oscar Wilde has some great quotes.

So tomorrow I'm getting Lasik surgery. As I mentioned in my last entry, I'm pretty nervous about it, but I'm also super excited. On Tuesday, I went in to get my eyes dilated in my pre-op exam. I don't have a great camera and my eyes are brown, so it is hard to see, but my pupil was huge.

You know, dilated pupils are a sign of attraction (though I admit I never look for it), like when cartoons fall in love and their eyes turn all black and big, so seeing this, you might think I'm super crazy about the person I'm looking at.

Everything checked out, but my drive home was uncomfortable, even with the sunglass thingys they gave me for my glasses. When your eyes are dilated the sun and all light is super bright. I had to stop at Walmart to get my eye drops and I felt like an idiot wearing those things. Here is a picture of what I had to wear until I got home.

I felt like one of the three blind mice. The brown one on the left of course.This just cements in my mind that I need a good pair of sunglasses. Of course, they sell some there at the doctor's place, so I'll probably pick up a pair of over priced Maui Jim's on my one day post-op and then later take my time to pick a pair I really like. I shouldn't get ahead of myself though, I still haven't even had the surgery.

My dad is driving up from the Valley for my surgery. At first I thought this would be unnecessary since it is an outpatient thing and you can go to work the next day. The thing is that it ended up working out pretty well because I need a person to drive me from the surgery and to my one day post op exam. He will also be bringing up a puppy that I'm considering keeping. No matter how old you get, parents will always be parents.

Pre-ordering my iPhone 4 was a major pain. I spent many many hours trying to get in online, but the whole thing was a mess. I was finally able to get my iPhone 4 ordered at almost 7pm having first tried at 8am and then for hours after. Now I just need to be home or have a person home on June 24th to sign for my new phone. Hopefully it will be ready to go just in time for my trip to Kentucky. I'm glad I finally got my order in because now they are not available for pre-order until July 14th. I don't think I could have waited that long, especially since I skipped the 3GS which was not easy for me.

The NBA Finals are in game 7 on Thursday night. I went for LA last night, but on Thursday night I'll be cheering for the Celtics. Boston has a good track record when they have me on their side. (ie the World Series.) I will admit that I think that LA is a better team and that Kobe might be one of the greatest players ever, but man I hate the Lakers, almost as much as the Yankees. I'm a fan of the underdog. It has been an enjoyable Finals even though I feel like I missed most of the season. Once this is over, I'll only have World Cup soccer to hold me over until the NFL this fall.

Trueblood has started again on HBO. I just saw the season 3 premiere the other night. I like the show, but I'm not a fan of this whole vampire craze that got energized by Twilight. Still, HBO knows how to put on a great series. I don't find the gap in Anna's teeth endearing, but who I am to say. The introduction of werewolves should make it interesting and I'm glad the last story line is finally over.

my last day where I can't see the alarm clock