Absentminded

"Forgive many things in others; nothing in yourself." - Ausonius

I was watching the news this morning and they were talking about people who might announce they are running for president. It seems really really, but it got me thinking, I am going to support Hillary Clinton for president. I know people say she can’t win, but I think bringing back the Clinton era can only be a good thing. She is the first woman to be set up to be president and I think it would go a long way towards forwarding women’s rights as well. I’m unhappy that she is trying to cater to conservatives instead of just taking a hard line on what is right. So I’m not happy she plays the politics game, but the winner always seems to play the game well, so I guess I can’t blame her. I hope she can make her stance clear on all the issues so that the only thing that can be used against her is personal attacks and not policy disagreements. Republicans say they want her to run because they they will be assured victory, but I think it's a battle worth having.


I’m really looking forward to Thanksgiving. I leave tomorrow for Texas. The trip felt like it snuck up on me and came really quickly. Like always, I have a lot of packing to do. I was hoping to take some stuff home to slowly start moving stuff home before the big move next June. I have no clue what to take. I have one long day of class today and then I come back with one week of class and then finals. It is end game time and I'm going to need to change gears. I hope I have it in me.

I have such an addictive personality, but I don't say that to excuse myself. My problem is that I do things in what would best be referred to as binges. I don’t drink, but when I do, I drink a lot. When I exercise and eat right, I do it in binges. Same with food and the exact opposite. I can watch a TV series on DVD for an entire weekend doing nothing else. In high school I had this stage when I could think about was chess and would play whenever I could. Same with reading a book, I'll stay up all night. This blog is also a great example. There are times I write daily and binge in keeping this updated and then I give up and the page goes un-updated for months. When I was working on my credit report, I was obsessed with it. I spent countless hours on forums and all I could think of was ways to use my time to work on that. Last week I was obsessed over Woot and the BOC and I spent almost two days checking out that website for something I was not even able to get. The list keeps going, I was on this audiobook binge two years ago where I tried to get every audiobook I could and listen to them all. I spent every moment listening to audiobooks from learning Spanish to all kinds of random things. Now to my latest and ongoing binge, poker. I enjoy it a lot and I want to get good at it, but I feel so rushed, I know I’m treating it like a binge. I try to play as much as possible whenever possible. I’m reading about it when I’m not playing and its all that seems to fill most of my thoughts. And within poker I have more binges. From sit and goes to limit holdem to rebuy tournaments. Different topic, same syndrome. I'm just starting to really see the parallels. Why do I feel this rush in my life? It is like when you are little and your parents tell you that you are going to the store to buy a toy you want. It is all you can think about, you become obsessive about it and you just can’t wait. I don’t think this is healthy, but I don't know how to classify it. I feel like it is some form of escapism. Yet, I’m proud of my dedication to something, I am worried that it doesn’t last for the long run. I’ll never forget when my football coach told me that my problem was that I lacked dedication. That threw me because I always thought of myself as the most dedicated type of person, but he was right. Oh another example, I had a summer binge in college when I worked out and got in shape for football and then halfway through the season, I just quit working out and slowly got worse and worse. I did lack dedication. It is like I have this all or nothing mentality. No patience, no slow and steady wins the race. I want things now and then I burn out when I can't keep up the pace. I don’t notice that I burn out because I can’t think of myself that way. I’m not a person that burns out…but I'm starting to see that I am. So I have this vague understanding of something about myself that isn’t stellar, so what do I do now? So should I not try as hard, I mean how do I change something so that I don’t suffer from burn out and just keep jumping from tree to tree.

I have been really absentminded. So here is my story from the morning. I got a package. When I went to the door to get them, Koki and Mia ran into the porch and hid under the couch. I was upset and I yelled at them to get inside since it was cold in there. They just ignored me. (Yeah imagine that, cats ignoring me.) So I closed the door to threaten them. Then I opened the door to give them a chance to run in, but they didn’t move. So I closed the door and went inside to give them sometime to think about it. Then I totally forgot I locked them in there. It was like when I forgot I had eggs boiling. I felt so bad when later I see their sad cold faces at the door asking me to let them in. I hope they learned their lesson, but am kind of up upset that I was so absentminded that I forgot about their punishment. It is like I have been spaced out for the last few months. I need to regain some focus.

happy