Final Final

"Study with desire is real activity; without desire it is but the semblance and mockery of activity." - William Godwin

One test down, one to go. On Saturday I took my conflict of laws exam. It was hard, but I am hoping that I passed. I have about a week until I am done so I just need to focus my energy on learning about commerical payment law and hopefully I'll get through that one too. This should be fun.

Here are some interesting facts and stories I have read recently:

Daily Show/Colbert Viewers Most Informed - Fox, Not So Much
http://scoop.epluribusmedia.org/story/2007/4/17/32856/7062

Utah Republican Blames 'The Devil' For Immigration
http://kutv.com/local/local_story_116133225.html

Republican using Politics of Fear yet again.
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/headline/nation/4747740.html

On April 25th it was Administrative Professionals Day. The old secretary's day. It was on that day I realized that being a form administrative professional, that day will no longer apply to me. I am moving up in this world. I can't wait until I get to celebrate Boss's Day. I need a job.

On Saturday night I went to Julia's party. Mark came along and I had a good time. A lot of people were graduating and not sure what was next for them. To think that all these years later I still feel that same way.

I had a green tub I had been carrying around for years. It was full of my binders from college, letters, newpapers and memories. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with stuff like that. I used to try to keep it for memories sake. I also know I have problems letting go of the past. So I started to throw everything away. It was a process. The school stuff was easy, though I would pick a few things I wanted to hold on to. Then I got to ticket stubs and that was harder...then letters...that I felt terrible about, letters from friends, family. I kept the letters from my grandma, my sister Vero and a wedding invitation for Vero's wedding. Reading Vero's letter made me miss her. It was from 1998 when I had just started college. She told me about Bekka and Jamie and included letters from them. She told me that I always wrote to Ana Ana Ana and that I should write her more. I miss Vero so much. I also kept some graduation memories, but I threw out an entire tub worth of stuff.

My computer is clicking...I think the harddrive is failing, but I won't be able to back it up right now, so hopefully it can survive until I can get a new harddrive.

cognative behavior therapy

Studying for Finals

“Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.” - Jack Handy

I'm going to take a break from finals studying and chat for a bit. Part of me gets inspiration from the fact that this is my last set of finals and the other just keeps thinking about the bar exam. Maybe I should just focus on one thing at a time and just do the best I can for the bar and not let my own fear destory me.

I've talked about the pet recall before. I looked it up again and this I found a product that I had bene using. Koki and Mia had finished three quarters of a bottle of Pounce Meaty Morsels Moist Chicken Flavor Cat Treats, which is now on the list, but luckily mine has different code than the one recalled. I am not going to take any chances, so I threw the rest of it away. It wasn't on the list when I first checked. I hate the fact that I can't just feed my cats without worrying that I might be giving them some sort of poison.

Speaking of recalls, for all the news I watch, I never knew there was a peanut butter recall. Today I heard about it in passing in the news as a past event and looked it up. Guess what, I own the Peter Pan peanut butter with the code that was recalled for contamination with Salmonella. Great! In better news, there is only 1/4 of the peanut butter left. I'm clearly ok now and haven't had it in at least 3 weeks, but it makes me wonder if any of those times I was feeling sick and my stomach was bothering me, that it was the peanut butter and not just my body going through its normal getting sick thing. I'm ok and never went to the doctor, so I have no claim, but I can return the top for my money back. Really? I can get a few dollars back after spending more to mail them my cap...yeah, that's gonna happen. I'm glad I'm ok and that is what is important. I'm gald I found out before I risked getting sick again. last night I was so hungry and I thought, oh peanut butter sandwhich, but I had no bread. Then I though, peanut butter on spoon? then I though, yuck what is wrong with you, just go to bed and stop being gross. Thank goodness huh. http://www.fda.gov/bbs/topics/NEWS/2007/NEW01563.html

I have started packing. I have a lot of boxes full of all my junk. It feels weird putting everything away and getting ready to go somewhere else to start over. Maybe it is because I have never really started. The hard part of packing is that I feel like I will need everything, so I don't pack it. It is really annoying and my room has just as much stuff as it did before I filled up all those boxes.

It was 1987 and I was in the Harlingen, TX mall going to see the Lost Boys. It was a three screen theater and I remember being excited about the movie. When we walked in, I saw a poster for another movie. It was called Empire of the Sun and it had a picture of the Sun and an Asian boy in the background on the horizon. Judging a book by its cover, I wondered why anyone would want to see such a movie. I just looked boring, I mean a movie about China I thought and history I figured. I thought to myself, will there ever be a day when I enjoy watching this type of movie. 20 years later, that memory just popped up, so I ordered the movie from netflix. It was surprising good and not just that, I think I might of enjoyed it as 7 year old me considering it was about a young boy. It stared Christian Bale, when he was just a boy, way before Batman and The Prestige. The lesson I guess is that when you are small you think you know everything and maybe I didn't. I wonder how 47 year old Marty will think about my thinking now.

In case you are wondering, I have one of my finals on Saturday. I really hope I am able to study well for this exam. I have a lot of learning to do.

missed connections

Hokies

"After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an accident you start to worry about history." - Unknown

I am an avid news watcher. I woke up early on Monday morning and turned on American Morning. I was dismayed to see that the O'Briens were no longer on. I don't mind the two new people, but I really liked the O'briens. Later in the day I learned about the VT tragedy. That is so terrible that something like that could happen. Even though it made me think about gun control and all those people dying in Iraq, foremost I thought about how hard it must be for all those students and their families. The media wants to attack the school, but I think we need more facts. You can't stop crazy people from doing crazy things, but it doesn't justify not having a proper response if that is found to be the case. I've been following the story and the speech on Tuesday by the poet at VT was pretty amazing as the crowd started chanting their school pride.

This is my last week of law school classes, EVER. I kind of don't have an excuse to miss class, so I tried to attend all my classes and end on a good note. Pretty much the scenerio is two finals and a paper. My goal is to have the paper done first, a very daunting task knowing it isn't due first. I just want to finish my last final and be done. 10am - 7:30pm is a long time I think, but I'm still happy i didn't have classes on MWF. What the last day marks is an end to putting off studying for finals and official finals studying time. I might as well embrace it.

I have always had problems sleeping. I think it is multi-reason problem, but have not been able to fix it. I can sleep 10 hours and still feel sleepy. I think my allergies play a role and the fact that I sometimes snore. At least I have been told, never heard it myself. So I finally got sleeping pills. I am scared of the side effects, but so far they are working ok. The first few days they were awesome, then I had two bad nights, but they are working again. Hopefully I'll get my days in order and not need them.

I have booked all my flights for myself and family. I was able to fly them into Reagan, so that should be a much easier pick up. I also have my flight to Austin and from Austin to Harlingen that first weekend. So graduation plans are coming together. I'm trying to figure out how PMBR and Barbri work together since I paid for both. They seem to fall on the same days.

Mia loves other cats. So I was amazed when the other day I saw her at my front door (which is glass) hissing at another cat who was sitting on the other side. She was pissed off and screaming, I thought she was being hurt. Part of me is proud of her for defending her home and her territory, but it makes me worry that she doesn't love other cats like I thought she did.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,267025,00.html This is who you are most likely to get shot by if you own a gun. A very sad way for things to turn out.

One thing I regret about law school is not being more involved. I went to a few HLSA meetings, but I ended up missing a lot due to classes and my last year felt like since I hadn't been involved, I didn't really have a right to be involved and benefit from all the hard work other people had put in. I think it would have been a really great thing. I also felt bad because I didn't have good grades, so I didn't feel like I could help any of the entering 1Ls who I'm sure have better study habits than I do. Interesting the excuses we make.

text messages

Final Poker Night

"Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame." -Benjamin Franklin

There is one more week of class. It does not feel like the education part of my life is about to be over. 1 paper and two finals to go. I am going to work on the paper this weekend, which I hope to get as much done as I can. Both my finals will be very hard, both are essay, which I don’t know if it is good or bad. I had to pass up a trip to Philly to watch the Astros this weekend. My externship and externship class are now over, so that is 4 credits down and 9 to go. I am up to date with House MD. I should probably start watching Law and Order at some point. Now I have no TV excuses for me to escape into.

Thursday night is our last poker night for me ever in DC probably. These nights I enjoyed. Nothing like drinking, playing cards, having good conversations and never even having to leave your home. I ended up about 80 dollars. Not a bad way to go out.

My mom’s birthday was Saturday. This will be nine years that I have not been home to celebrate with her. I’ve never even been close enough to go home just to visit for that day. It is interesting how parent’s bdays are not a big deal to you when you are little, but as you get older they have more importance.

Here is my Barbri class schedule.

http://www.barbri.com/uploads/TX/S07AUSTINAM.pdf

still can't sleep

I'll Do Whatever It Takes

"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional." -M. Kathleen Casey

I knew I wouldn't stay away long. I guess I have too many things on my mind. I figured I would write just to feel like I had someone to talk to. Things have been interesting these past few days, and by interesting, it ironically means not interesting at all. I sit here thinking constantly about the bar exam, finals and moving. Relationships have been on my mind too, but that I am trying not to think about that. I've tried to play poker to get my mind off of things and even though I'm doing better than I ever have, I'm just not enjoying it as much as I should.

I've never been a very happy and excited person, but as of late, I must admit I have been feeling down. It really sucks because I know time will make everything better, but for now I just have to go through this. Things will be ok and I need to learn to not feel bad about stuff. I think I am just scared of change and the unknown.

Saturday I was supposed to go to my Aunt's house for a BBQ, but I was feeling sick so I decided to stay in. There were also plans for Marty Extravaganza this past weekend, but that too I bailed on. Instead, I figured I needed more time to myself. I pretty much picked up where I left off last weekend. I really need to move soon. Two more of my House DVDs came in and I watched another House marathon. I am totally useless, but it does make me happy. There was one House episode called "TB or not TB." I found the title to be very clever. It was about Tubercuosis. I forgot that that is what TB stood for. Just like other medical shows I watch, I have to cover my eyes when they show blood and insides. It is interesting how I would never want to be a doctor, yet the great show of Law and Order I don't watch, yet that is more up my alley. Maybe it is because I know there are so many of them and I could never watch them all. Is that weird, that I don't like to do things unless I can fully do it. I'm barely at the start of Season 2, but I'll be done soon enough and up to date with Season 3. I learned House was shot...I knew it. [update: I am up to date with the show]


I looked up how I spent Easter last year and this year seems very similar. Maybe next year will be more family oriented. I hope everyone had a nice holiday.

Sopranos is back. I was reminded in the Pooch Café cartoon I read daily. I don’t have HBO for some odd reason, so I’ll have to try to find the episodes to see them. I look forward to seeing them as a break during my bar exam studying.

actions are how you understand what people are telling me

October Road

“It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust.” - Samuel Johnson (English Poet, Critic and Writer. 1709-1784)

The weekend was not very productive bigger picture wise, but I did get a lot of TV watching done which is a great way to escape reality. I started watching House MD from Season 1. I am really starting to enjoy that show. I caught up on Six Degrees and Sunday night I stayed up and watched the 1st three episodes of October Road. I think I am hooked on the show. I don't know why I do things in marathons, but that is how I roll. I keep being told to watch Nip/tuck but I don't think I could do it.

Maria came into town. I had not seen her since college maybe, wow, it has been a long time. There is nothing like hanging out with an old friend to bring back memories and remind you why you were friends in the first place. Maria is one of those people who once you get to know her, you can only wish happiness for. When I first met her, she would never stop smiling and she hasn't changed. Her and her boyfriend came to my place and then we went out. I ended up taking them to a bar that had a cover band (which by cover band standards was great) and we sat drank and caught up. That is my kind of place, a place where you have music, but not too loud and you can sit down drink and talk. That is what I miss about college, drinking and talking and sharing. I found out more about her life and what has been going on. We didn't talk too much about her cancer experience, maybe because I feel l have an insight from her blog and when she talks about it.

Monday was my last day of work. It didn't quite feel like it was my last day and it just underscored the fact that change is a coming. They had a surprise pizza and cake lunch for me which was very nice. Maybe next week when I'm home on a Monday will it start to kick in. As for now, I don't really know what to think. It has been a great two years. As I left it felt like any other day and it felt like I would be going back again in two days like my normal routine.

What is there to say about school? I hope to attend the rest of my classes for the rest of the semester. There are 3 weeks left including this week. That puts me at 6 classes left for each course. Then I have a week and then finals. It is all ending and fast. I’m trying not to stress about it while also trying to make sure I’m keeping up with my obligation.

Here was a gamble I took, I didn’t buy a parking pass. It was over 100 dollars. I figured I’d wait until I got a ticket and then decide. So I got my first ticket today for $75. Much higher than I had expected. So now I’m in a tight spot, I have 3 more weeks plus finals, but I will not buy a pass. I can’t afford tickets each time I come to class. I guess we don’t always have hindsight.

I wish I could find a person out there who could say I had sleeping problems, I had procrastination problems, I was like you and then I figured it out…the answer is…… Oh how that would be nice. I’m dealing with the same stuff now I was dealing with 5 year and 10 years ago. I don’t want to deal with it in one year, in 5 years or for the rest of my life.

This cat food scare has been worrisome. So far the food I use hasn’t been affected, but it seems like every day there are new foods added to the list. It reminds me of when Koki was small and got sick. I still feel terrible for not taking her to a vet. It was just impossible at the time and I am so proud of her for fighting through it. I don’t think I could handle dealing with a sick pet. I’ve only had to go through it when the pet wasn’t mine and that was hard enough. At least I’ve taken my pets to the vet to make sure they are up to date on shots, that I am proud of.

On Wednesday I went to the doctor. It is a funny story but when I heard Maryland I said yes, didn't know it was near Annapolis. Later I found out I entered the address in wrong and it wasn't as far as I thought. Still it was a long trip through DC up to Takoma. The appointment came after a very shitty day for me emotionaly, but that wasn't the focus of the appointment. I was happy with how it went and am proud of myself for starting to take action, but there is very little time.

People lie. that is the lesson I have learned from watching House and actually a lot of the TV shows I enjoy. I've also learned that lesson from life. Sometimes by omission, sometimes to your face, sometimes by not telling you what you need to know. Friends lie, family lies, oh how the government lies. It doesn't mean you can't trust, I mean there are people I trust won't lie to me about the important things. I just wish people didn't.

I've been thinking and I'm going to take a brief hiatus from writing in my blog. Mainly, I need to get a lot of shit together and as much as I enjoying writing about the random things that go on with me each week, I'd probably be better off to keep some things to myself and the people around me for the time being. It is me and I am a talker, so I'm sure I'll be back in no time.

many years ago