The Holiday

“They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” Carl W. Buechner

The holiday was eventful, full of family, friends and introspection. I got off of work on the 23rd and headed down the Rio Grande Valley to visit my family. The night I got in, I had drinks with my friend Rick and my friend JR. When you don't see someone for a while, you hope that you will have better updates, but mine felt pretty stagnate. In either case, it feels good being around friends and talking about life. We hit up my favorite bar and caught up.

Christmas Eve, a night my family used to celebrate Christmas on, not much was happening around my house. It is interesting to see how Christmas evolves each year, but this is becoming the norm. Ana's Rick invited me over to his house and I went over to celebrate with them. We had some good food and good conversation. I was very happy to have been invited.

Christmas morning I spent with my parents, and my father and I worked on a random project of mine of zero-ing out my shoes so that they wouldn't have a thick heel. It's a long story, but consisted of cutting part of the sole off and then grinding it. It is great to see that my father is willing to entertain my wild ideas. There were no children to do the Santa thing with, but that was never really a thing for us. Santa was, but actual presents from Santa I don't remember. Everyone showed up for lunch, meaning my sisters, their significant others and my nieces Bekkah and Jamie. My brother Abram was absent, because he stayed in Austin for Christmas and he was missed. After eating Christmas ham, we started to open presents. My dad got a chainsaw he needed, my mom and sister Eliza digital picture frames. Ana and Abram got Andriod phones and the kids got money from me. Usually I make an effort to get them actual gifts, but this year I was sure they would enjoy the cash. I got some great gifts from my family and was very thankful. Here is my mother and her all grand kids in front of the Christmas tree.

My niece Bekkah had found an apron that her and Jamie made with their mother, my sister Vero, when they were little. It said "Mom's Helpers" and had their hand prints and pictures they drew. She wore it and it really made me feel like Vero was part of the event. Bekkah thinks about her all the time and I'm sure she knows we do too.
Here are the photos from Christmas.

Christmas night, after all the family celebrating was done, I went over to my friend Cristina's place and had a few drinks with her and some of her friends. After, I headed downtown for a drink. This was my first time downtown on my own, but it just felt like the thing to do on Christmas night. I hadn't been there for a year. I went from bar to bar, keeping to myself, having a drink and moving on. It was very cold and I was dismayed to see that there were so many clubs now. I guess the demand for lounges is overtaken by dance clubs. I had some friends I thought I might meet up with, but things don't always work out that way. Nevertheless, it was an interesting night and just what I needed.

Sunday, the 26th, was my father's birthday. As per tradition, my family goes out to eat at Red Lobster to celebrate both our birthdays. (Mine being the 27th) After, I headed to Austin for the rest of my vacation.

As much as the actual theme behind Christmas doesn't mean much to me, what it represents as a tradition means a lot to me. There usually isn't a time during the year when you can truly value family and celebrate being together like you can on Christmas. It is a great part of the year even though it sometimes does come with unrealistic expectations and the eventual letdown. It does feel good to get people you care about presents and spend time with everyone. It is my favorite part of the year and always goes by too fast.

One of the lowlights of the trip was that my older sister's apartment was broken into on the 23rd at night. This was exactly one year after it was broken into last year, talk about bad luck. Luckily, the presents weren't there this year and no one was home or hurt. They still took a lot and nothing feels worse than strangers invading your space. This didn't dampen her spirits at all, which shows her resilience. I hate that she lives in a place where break-ins like this are more common, but all you can do is lock your doors and be careful.

This Christmas also made me think about a friend of mine. On December 13th it was my friend Maria's, from college, birthday who passed earlier this year after her battle with cancer. I think she would have turned 31. I could talk to Maria for hours and miss our conversations together. We have so many memories we shared and we used to love to talk not only about them, but about how life was going. So what really got me on her birthday was that I didn't know what to do exactly. I thought of her of course, but I felt like I should be doing something special. I thought about calling mutual friends maybe, but I just didn't know what to say. Maybe it is still affecting me in stages. I know she knows that I was thinking about her. I wish I knew a better way to honor her memory and to deal with the feeling of loss. I also think about what her family is still going through and it pains me. I look forward to seeing my college friends again and being able to talk about it, for some reason, talking about things make me feel better.

What is going on in your mind isn't always reflected on how you want to feel at a certain moment, but it is real. So are the spectrum of emotions we go through daily. I'm glad I had another great Christmas break.

was not your joy

My Cousin Laurie's Wedding

"The middle years of marriage are the most crucial. In the early years, spouses want each other and in late years, they need each other." - Rebecca Tilly

This Saturday was my cousin Laurie's wedding in Dallas, TX. She is one of the youngest of the cousins on my mom's side and her marriage only leaves 4 unmarried cousins out of 14 left. I don't know why that is a relevant fact, but I mention it anyway. Laurie grew up in Dallas and has always reminded me of a Dallas girl because of her accent. People used to say that her and my brother used to look like siblings when they were little. She has a great insta-smile that shows her happy disposition. I had a great time. Here is Laurie and her husband Vic.
But before I get into it, real quick, the answer to the question in my last entry is no. I'm not the type of person that owns a juicer. I just didn't have it in me to juice daily. I finally decided that powdered wheatgrass would have to do and I returned the juicer. The machine was great, you could put it together easily, but with the time of actual cutting of the grass, plus juicing, plus clean up (which is fast, but not fast enough), it was just too much of a ritual. Then throw on top of all that trying to grow the stuff and keeping track and watering, it was just too much. I guess that is how I learn my lessons, by trial and error. This also shows how lazy I can be. My brother made a good point when he said, "you think that making a sandwich is too much trouble."

Ok, back to Laurie's wedding. Abram and I drove up to Ft. Worth on Friday after work and made it just in time for the rehearsal dinner. We got to see a lot of family that we hadn't seen for quite some time. A lot of Tias/Tios and cousins. I stayed the night at my Tia Mati's house which is by my standards, huge. It was very kind of them to host us. I was feeling sick, so I crashed out early.


Saturday, I slept in a bit, had some family time and got to see my cousin Adam and his wife Kirby. They are expecting and I'm very happy for them. We made it to the wedding and it was a very nice church. My mom got to read a passage from the Bible during the ceremony and my sister Ana helped out too. The priest almost forgot to do the "you may kiss the bride" part, but caught it just in time. Laurie looked great and her two sisters, Melba and Monica (my cousins) were bridesmaids. It was a nice wedding.


Then for the party. We headed to the reception where I got to visit with more family. The hall was impressive with an elevator you could see out of and a high ceiling. The little kids had a blast going up and down. They had an open bar which made me very happy, but since I was under the weather and driving, I didn't get to take as much advantage as you might imagine. Here is photo of my family.


During the wedding, I got some more great news. My cousin Rino, who is getting married next year, asked my brother and me to be groomsmen in his wedding. We happily accepted and I was honored. I'm looking forward to that.


The night ended around 10pm and we headed to my Tia Mati's house were we hung out and had a few drinks. I felt like a wet blanket because I called it a night at midnight due to the beer not fixing the sickness. Everyone else stayed up and had fun.


Sunday, we had a get together at my Tia's house and then Abram and I headed back to Austin. The trip seemed longer on the way down for some reason. It was a good experience and I was glad to be invited.

hawaii

Am I the type of person that owns a juicer?

“It is well for the heart to be naive and for the mind not to be.” - Anatole France

I feel like I have a mind that doesn't stop. It is always thinking, analyzing, planning and this surprisingly can lead to less action than just doing. This past month though, things have quieted down, I don't feel any real stress and have been able to focus more on big picture thoughts and plans. I like to use times like this to pick up new hobbies and start focusing on things I have been neglecting. So I'm running each day despite how cold it is, getting back to my guitar lessons, training my dog and trying to eat a little bit better. I have other hobbies I'd like to focus on more again as well, like golf, dancing and rock climbing, but I find if I try too much at once, it is easier to get discouraged.

Over a year ago, my friend Oscar told me about wheatgrass and how nutritional he thought it was. I had heard other people talk about how good it was, like Christina, but it just wasn't something I was that interested in at the time. While I was reading Born to Run, wheatgrass was mentioned again when talking about ultra marathoners, so I decided to buy it in powder form to try it out. I took it in the morning before work the first time and I found that I had a lot more energy than I normally have. This alone makes it worth the trouble because I don't drink coffee and I always feel sluggish until about 11am and have always wanted a pick me up. Being happy with the powder, I decided that it was time to move up to the real thing. I wasn't ready to start growing it yet, but I wanted to try the actual grass, so I purchased a plat of wheatgrass from a local produce company and ordered a juicer. I tend to really involve myself in my projects.


This picture is what the juicer I ordered should have kind of looked like, but the wrong one came in. It was a cheap plastic one that just seemed like more trouble than it was worth. I tried it out and made my first wheatgrass shot. It wasn't as bad as I imagined, but it did not have the nectar of gods type taste one would hope. Maybe it helped that as a kid I used to gnaw on grass every now and then. It took a long time though and I decided to order a real, better electric juicer to see if that works. It is a work in progress. Here is a picture of the wheatgrass I'm working on.
Now I will admit that after reading up about wheatgrass on the internet, it sounds like people really overstate its benefits. The good thing is that it isn't bad for me and any placebo effect is always welcomed with anything I try. It has helped knock one coke off my usual routine which is a big deal for me. Ok, well I'm done with this for now, I'm sure I'll have an update later, or I'll just forget about all this and never mention it again. It is not magic, but it is better than what I was I eating before.


In other news, I took my cat Koki to the vet last Friday. I feel like I have had a lot of vet stories recently, and I know it isn't real exciting, but I'm not used to taking pets to the vet. I've had Koki for most of my adult life and anyone that knows her knows that I take good care of her. It started when Koki was sneezing, so I figured it would be a good time to take her in and get a follow up on the tests they ran on her last time. The sneezing wasn't a big deal like I suspected and was only a cold, something she has never had and now all my cats have. The bad news from her tests was that Koki might be having liver failure and her urine shows that she is dehydrated and is still not getting enough water. I have 3 water stations set up and 2 extra full water bowls and I have never seen Koki take a sip. That worries me. I was told to monitor her and take her back in if there were any problems. I have started adding water to her "prescription" wet cat food in hopes that she will get some water, but that isn't a real solution. How can an animal dehydrate itself to death? I'm going to try not to worry too much, but it is hard not to. She seems fine to me, so other than the new steps I'm taking, I'm just going to treat her like she is fine for the time being. She hasn't peed on my sheets in some time which is a great news, but I did catch her peeing on dirty laundry the other day. I read that that means that she is stressed. She has always hated her litter though no matter how many different types I try.


Speaking of pets, I've been working a lot with my dog Chloe on getting her trained. I'm watching a video course on how best to do it. She is so hyper that it is a challenge, but it also means that without training, she won't be able to have as much freedom as I want for her. Our runs each day she enjoys, but she clearly wants a lot more. I worry that I'm doing some things wrong and being that they are counterproductive, its not helping the dog, but I am trying the best I can. She is a really good dog.

You know, if you read all that, thanks, cause I am not one that enjoys reading about other people's pets, and I know they are like dreams and kids, "only interesting to the person that had them."

I read this article the other day on factors that contribute to a successful marriage. I find this topic so interesting even though I'm not even sure where I stand on the topic and it has no relation to my current life. So here is what I learned:

Among the factors that contribute to marriage success: making $50,000 or more annually--as opposed to under $25,000. Those who do experience a 30 percent drop in the risk of divorce. People with college degrees enjoy another 25 percent decrease. Coming from an intact home decreases the risk by 14 percent. Other factors that affect marital success for the better: waiting to have kids until after tying the knot, and having a religious affiliation of some kind.

Looks like I'm in good shape, except for that religious affiliation part. Now if you avoid marriage, you avoid divorce completely. Then again, Divorce And Health: Splits Make Men Fitter, Women Fatter. That sucks for women, but I always view divorces as women wanting to get out of an unhappy situation, so I don't really get the getting fatter part.


I also recently came across this blog which had me laughing most of the day. I mention it today because of all the pet talk. It is called Cat Versus Human Here are some of my favorite examples of the types of comics it has.

My cats sometimes sleep on my bed, but I don't like it when the person I'm dating has animals that sleep in the bed. Double standard, maybe.


Maddie loves laying on top of laptops and Koki likes getting in front of the computer. That and books I am reading. This was hard during law school when I didn't need much distraction.

This reminds me of Chloe, my puppy. Such a great site I tell you. I can't help it, they are so good, here is my last one.

I lock my cats out sometimes and I know what this is like.
(all comics are linked directly from the site and are of course not my property.)

A wintertime visit

Appreciation and Gratitude

"If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough." - Meister Eckhardt

I'm going to pick up where I left off last time with my observation that so many friends and family are expecting babies. I mentioned in closing that there were probably others that I don't know about. Then on Thanksgiving, I get the wonderful news that my cousin Adam is also going to have a baby. I'm very excited for him and his wife. To make matters better, today I find out that my cousin Vanessa is going to have a little girl. These are a lot of kids. I guess people found out that the recession had been dated and decided to start and expand their families. This time next year there are going to be a lot of new babies in my extended world. These are a lot of "congratulations babies."

For Thanksgiving, my family came up to Austin to visit. My dad brought up my dog Chloe, who was so much bigger now. She is now less of a puppy and more of a dog. I thought she was high energy before and now she has increased that in proportion to her size. I am really going to put to the test whether a high energy dog and a moderate energy (being kind) owner can really work great together. So far, I have yet to figure out a way to burn all her energy.

Wednesday night, we all went shopping at HEB for our meal sides. It was a good experience. I don't know how we can buy so much for just one meal and a day later feel like we didn't buy anything. I had just bought a nice dining table that day for $40 on craigslist that we planned to use. I'm a fan of good deals. Thanksgiving morning, I slept in as everyone prepared the great meal. I didn't even supervise to claim that credit. Rick came over and so did Abram's girlfriend Ashley. We had a good meal and it is nice to spend the holiday with family. I enjoyed myself.

As per usual Thanksgiving tradition, there was the Cowboy game and then the UT game. Ana, Rick, Abram, Ashley and my dad went to the UT & A&M game and I stayed home with my mom. A cold front came in and they were very cold, but had a great time. It was a great game to watch from the comfort of my bed.

On Friday, my family headed back home and I did some black Friday shopping with my sister Ana. I got a cheap pair of slippers, but not much else. I've never seen a black Friday deal that I ever thought was that impressive, or worth going out late at night or early in the morning. Now, cyber Monday, that is more my type of thing. I'm big about trying to find the best bargains online. I buy way too much online.

Considering that my new table didn't come with chairs, I found another nice round dining table with chairs at an estate sale this weekend, so I picked it up on Sunday as a replacement. It is a great table, but something feels weird about getting your table because a person died. A good deal is a good deal. That same day, I decided to get a set of quick-dry towels from JCPenney that my sister recommended. I will say, so far they have been a disappointment, but maybe they will be more absorbent after a second wash. At least all my towels match.

On Cyber-Monday, I searched the internet for deals. I found a gps for a friend, a Sprint EVO for my brother for $68 (regularly $200) and a Sprint Epic for my sister for $149 (regularly $249). I decided it was their early Christmas presents. I was proud of my good work. I even picked up some random things for myself like a pair of sunglasses for 30% off.

I don't like talking about things I might be soon to quit, but I recently finished the book Born to Run. It was a great book about ultra barefoot/minimalist marathoners and it actually got me interested in running again. Usually, actual running gets me very uninterested quickly, but I also don't know why I try so hard to fight it. I've been running each day with my VFF shoes (ones with toes) and my legs are going through the growing pains of adjusting. Chloe has been keeping me company on my short runs. I've been trying to learn better technique and moving from heel striking to forefoot striking isn't as easy as I thought. We will see how this goes. Oh, and today I get some wheatgrass in, something Oscar and Christina have told me about, so I'm hoping I like it. I'm always trying something new and sometimes re-trying something old.

November is over and my favorite month of December is about to start. You know, June and July are more exciting months, but December always feels like a relaxing month where you take it easy before gearing up for a new year. Christmas and my birthday also make the month one I look forward to. It is also a good month to take stock of the year, the last 5 and even sometimes your life in general. I have a lot of observations, but what matters is how those observations change the next 5 years.

I'm happy for you, let's just leave it at that.

Engaging Times

"Love is a game that two can play and both win." -Eva Gabor

Last week, I found out that my cousin Rino became engaged to his girlfriend Jessica. They are both very happy and I am happy for their great news. I have yet to get the exact story on how he did it, but the end result is what is important. Rino and Jess have been dating for a few years and for the entire time I have lived in Austin. I've gotten to know Jess pretty well in that time and Rino a lot better since we lived together for a while. It feels different from someone you hardly see, and I'm so used to them being together a lot doesn't feel like it has changed. I wish them both all the happiness in the world and selfishly hope they have an open bar at the wedding. What was neat about their engagement was how the news spread. As most news, mainly, through Facebook. That is how I found out. These are new times we live in I tell you. I asked my mom if she heard and she said my aunt told her. You know, good old word of mouth, but then she finished with, "after she saw it in facebook." News travels fast. I should probably check with Jess on the rules for Rino's bachelor party. I'm a fan of loopholes. (j/k Jess) The family keeps growing and growing it seems.


On a hopefully unrelated note, a lot of people I know are having babies what feels like all of a sudden. I know people have been having babies since I was in high school, but for some reason, a lot of my close friends all seemed to put it off until the past few years. My friend Adriana started it I'd say and then we have my friend Jorge whose daughter is adorable (and I don't say that generally about babies). I got the news recently that my friend Jon, my friend Iris, my cousin Isra, my cousin Mario and I'm sure others I don't know about are all expecting. Those are a lot of exciting changes. I'm ok with being an old dad, but sometimes I wonder if I'd be ok with not being a dad at all.


Friday night, I went to see Louis CK perform stand up here in Austin. He is one of my favorite comedians because he has a gift for putting the things you think into a funny scenerio type joke that also pushes the limits. I was a big fan of his HBO show, Lucky Louie and like his new show Louie on FX. I would describe him as a cautionary tale of how I don't want to be when I'm 43. Then again, to be that rich and successful would be nice. I had a great time. After, I went to watch a band perform and was reminded how much I miss the college life.


Saturday, Abram, Ashley, my cousin Rino and I all went to the UT football game. I know the season has been a let down, but I was excited to be going. Football is football and I'm a UT fan. It was Rino's first game. The seats Rick got us were awesome and much closer to the field than I have ever been. We cheered as Texas ran up the score on a pretty weak team. I was happy that McCoy got to play (for like 2 seconds), but it sucked they didn't let him pass. Now I'm looking forward to the game next week against A&M. From the looks of it, A&M should destory UT, but every one steps it up for this game.
After the game we got some Mexican food at this place I have been wanting to try out for years. You know, I really built the place up in my head and it wasn't as magical as I expected. The food was good though and I'd go back, but I need to learn to stop idealizing things because it just sets you up for an inevitable let down.

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving. My family is coming into town and we will be celebrating it at my place in Austin. We seem to alternate between Austin and the Valley now. Right now, I'm working on getting a dining table since the one we have is too small. Let's hope that works out. My family does most of the cooking, and I like it that way. This is a holiday I have spent alone many times, and I must say I prefer spending it with family. There are a lot of things to be thankful for. (Except for the history of Thanksgiving.) I'm looking forward to it.

que disappointment

Maddie - Not a Laser Cat

“There is nothing like returning to a place that reminds unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.” - Nelson Mandela

I had a good weekend, but the most interesting development was that my cat Maddie moved back in with me. I got Maddie as a baby kitten; she was meowing outside of my front door and I took her in. Having two cats already, my good friend Christina adopted her and raised her from a kitten to a small cat (the best time to have a pet if you ask me.) Due to landlord issues and whatnot she had to deal with, Maddie moved back in with me this weekend. I hadn't seen Maddie since I dropped her off and she seemed so huge now, yet is still small compared to my cats. I will probably give her to my older sister, but I would be lying if I didn't say I didn't consider keeping her and passing my cat Mia on to someone.

(Maddie enjoys laying on my laptop.)

I have had Mia since she was about 8 weeks old and since she is a rescue cat, she is very skittish and untrusting of people. I always viewed her as a loved pet, but also as an obligation. I vowed to take care of her, and I always have. I have tried to break her down with my love, and even though the gains are impressive, she is not very personable and won't let strangers touch her. She is well taken care of and eats too much. My first cat Koki, 6 years later, still can't stand being around her. So, am I wrong to want to trade her in? The inconvenient answer is yes. I can't imagine anyone else taking better care of Mia than me, so it would be unfair to give her up. It sucks because Maddie is such a fun kitten, more along the lines of Koki when she was younger. I keep thinking about this and even as I read what I write, there is no way to swap cats without feeling terrible about myself. And if you know me, I'd rather pick unhappiness over being unloyal or breaking my word. The whole issue is moot because I don't have anyone I could give Mia to and just thinking about it makes me feel guilty. You know, like when you think about how there might not be a God and what that would mean for your world view. Maddie has taken over my bedroom and Koki and Mia and self banished to the den for the time being. I don't have much faith that they will get along in the near future, but my sister will be up for Thanksgiving to take her to her new home.

My older sister Ana and Rick came into town for the UT game this past weekend and my nephew JoMichael came to visit. You would think we would have lots of cool uncle stuff for him to do, but it was cold and instead we hung out and watched movies and football. We did have a BBQ and ran the fireplace. I had a good time visiting and hopefully he did too. I was kind of disappointed that he had quit jr. high football near the end of the season, but I'm sure there were a host of legitimate reasons. He said he will play next year when he goes to high school which made me feel better. My concern of course is the important lesson of learning not to quit. That is what I loved about football, you learned that no matter how tired you are, or how much pain you are in, you keep on going and don't give up. Quiting is addictive and easy and having resolve and determination is something I want to instill in the younger members of my family. Now of course, there is a difference between quiting something you no longer want to do or to free up time for another endeavor, but because you didn't get the results you expected quick enough isn't a good one. Football is always more than about football.


Now I'm thinking about the idea of quitting and my own life. I have probably quit my fair share of things, but I can think of a few select times where not quiting was the wrong choice. Baseball for example. As a kid, I was a terrible baseball player, I couldn't see, was slow and kept getting hit by the ball. Yet, each year, contrary to my Dad's advice, I signed up to play again even though I would get very little play time because I was on a winning team and I liked being on that team. It was a mistake, I should have quit once I knew that I was no longer improving. See the failure was that I never got better, I wasn't sticking to it and working harder and getting better, but just staying about the same level of sucking. So, either work harder or move on I guess. You know, I can probably say that about some of my relationships, I wasn't willing to work harder, nor willing to quit, which meant I was just wasting my time.


Now, you know where I didn't quit? In my dream to become a lawyer. After college, I was told that my grades were not good enough to get into a great law school and I didn't even try to apply once I graduated. But I purposefully picked a legal job so that the only way to move up would be to go to law school. I just worked harder and finally got into the school I wanted. Little did I know that the challenge was just beginning, but in the end I finally got to where I wanted to be. And just like achieving any goal, your first thought is joy and the second is, I should have aimed higher. What higher goal do I want to aim for now?


Monday night, I went out to play laser tag. I was planning to play pool but I decided to give the game a try. I totally forgot how much fun laser tag is. There were two teams, my team which consisted of me and a bunch of middle-age women and the other team consisted of a bunch of small junior high kids. Needless to say we got destroyed, but I got the highest score on my team by at least double. Nobody stayed back to protect our base, so I took that responsibility upon myself. Imagine me and like three little kids all shooting at me and our base target as I try to shoo them away with my awesome laser skills. All I could think about was how cool it would be to have a laser cat at that moment who shoots lasers out of its eyes. It was a lot more physically demanding than I anticipated. One of these days I should devote an entire evening/night to just playing laser tag for hours on end. It is a lot of fun.

Saturday was the boxing fight between Pacquiao and Margarito. I usually cheer for the Mexican, but in this case I cheered for Pacquiao because I don't think cheaters should be rewarded. It was a good fight and nice to see a smaller guy beat up on a bigger guy who, I will admit, fought his heart out, but came up short. I think that it is cool that the only state the fight was legal in was Texas. We have no shame.

I've had occasion to think about feeling of rejection in life. It never feels good and it feels worse when it just reinforces what you were already expecting, meaning that you clearly went in with the wrong mindset. I think about stuff like applying to college, the law school I wanted, jobs applied for, and being picked last for something. But nothing quite burns like romantic rejection. It is part of life and for the most part you learn to take it in stride, but there are times, especially after long relationships that it is harder to cope with. That said, I am aware of how rarely I think about my rejection of others and when I realize that this is how much others are thinking of me, which makes any self-pity feel inconsequential. Sometimes when faced with a string of rejections, you start to think, part of me wants to not give up and keep trying and the other part wants to re-tool and evaluate my approach since something might be wrong. The problem is that the excuse of re-tooling, is just the pretext for giving up and not truly making any real changes. Just talking about the topic is hard because it implies that I'm a person who is rejected. That is the last thing you want to identify with and not a way I look at myself.

I decided to do a google search on the topic and ran into this article on this blog that was pretty insightful and really covered the topic in depth. How Rejection Can Make You More Successful at Everything. What I thought was cool was that it references another article on The Benefits of Rejection, attributing the lack of female entrepreneurship to less experience with sexual rejection and says: “Why are there still so few female entrepreneurs? According to one MIT researcher, the answer is simple: it all comes down to sexual rejection. Chizoba Nnaemeka, of the MIT Entrepreneurship Review, says women aren’t as practised as men at being turned down. As such, she says, they don’t learn some of the skills required to strike out on their own in business, such as “confidence and optimism, sales and marketing, resilience, and trace amounts of desperation.” To pursue romantic relationships, after all, is to risk repeated rejection, much like trying to raise significant amounts of capital to finance a start-up.”

I never would have thought of that. I guess you just get caught up in your own world view. I'm sure there are people that would disagree with those theories, but it is an interesting take. I will say that I think this quote sums it up by a life coach who explains why some people seem able to brush off rejection so easily: “A confident person realizes that rejection is simply a part of the risk of living and that, in order to grow spiritually, we all have to take the occasional risk and step outside of our comfort zone."


The world is how you look at it. It isn't always easy to look at it through rose colored glasses.


Speaking of rejection, Eva Longoria & Tony Parker: The Tattoos They Got For Love (PHOTOS) I don't know how I feel about "love" ring tattoos. Part of it seems romantic since you are getting married forever and in another way it seems totally naive considering your odds of divorce. I guess it depends on where the technology is for removing tattoos.

Finally, this weekend is going to be a fun one. I have a lot of things lined up. I have Louis CK tickets for Friday night and UT football tickets for Saturday. I invited my cousin Rino to come with me since he has never been to a UT game. I want to see John Oliver's stand up on Saturday night, but I already have so much going on. I guess we will see.

next week

Elephant in the Room

Q. Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A. So they can hide upside-down in the custard.

Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
A: No? Well, it must work.

The month of November always feels like a blank between Halloween and Thanksgiving. A void which I rarely remember. I'm all settled in back from my Halloween east coast trip and am back to business as usual. That doesn't mean I can't keep reminiscing. While I was in DC, we entertained ourselves with silly one-liner jokes from when we were small. There were some very good ones shared. Mark had one I liked about elephants that I decided to share today as my quote above. I tend to say, "See, it works!" as my punchline. A quick search revealed that there are a lot more elephant jokes than I would have thought.

The elephant theme works out great, because I feel like in many situations there is an elephant in the room that goes ignored in my life, be it when I'm alone and mostly when with others. I do a great job of ignoring those elephants. This picture I thought was a great representation of it. (Hope that is photoshop Peta). (I also imagine that elephant hiding in custard.)

The big question is, what is my elephant in the room? I probably have lots and even now I don't want to think about them. Some are just lies I say to myself. There are a lot of things I don't talk about, especially on my blog. It is weird that I consider myself such a private person, yet have kept writing here for over 10 years. I guess I like things on my terms. There are actually a lot of thoughts about a lot of things and even people that I don't say a word about. Maybe at times in a passive aggressive vague way, but never anything detailed, but mostly nothing. It is probably for the best though. So that is my lesson, I need to start identifying my elephants and not just calling them out for the sake of being self aware, but dealing with them.

The other day I wrote an entry entitled The Diploma Frame. It was pretty much the story about why it took over 8 years for me to finally get my Cornell Frame for my college diploma. Well, the frame came in Monday and I moved my still unpaid for (student loans) diploma from its cheap frame to its new classy frame.

Here is the box. It was a good size, but I was glad to see that it was packaged well. It makes the frame look bigger than it actually is.

Below is a photo of my diploma in the $8 frame on my office wall. The frame has served me well and I wonder what I'm going to use for now. Maybe pictures of some sort. You know, I have never had a picture of anyone in my office, at least in this office. I digress.

After some work, I was able to get my new frame opened and up on my wall. It looks so much nicer I must say. Check out the setup below:
So I will say, Thank you Vero for the gift. Sorry it took so long. You were right. Oh, and you do know that you are also getting me (and getting credit for) my law school diploma frame in the future, but let's give it some time since these things cost a lot.

This summer I heard the following letter read at my friend's wedding which I thought was very moving. It is an excerpt of a letter from Samuel Clemens (better known as Mark Twain) to his wife Olivia Langdon five months before their wedding:

"This 4th of February will be the mightiest day in the history of our lives, the holiest, & the most generous toward us both -- for it makes of two fractional lives a whole; it gives to two purposeless lives a work, & doubles the strength of each whereby to perform it; it gives to two questioning natures a reason for living, & something to live for; it will give a new gladness to the sunshine, a new fragrance to the flowers, a new beauty to the earth, a new mystery to life; & Livy it will give a new revelation to love, a new depth to sorrow, a new impulse to worship. In that day the scales will fall from our eyes & we shall look upon a new world. Speed it!"

Other than the impressive use of the semi-colon, it was something that when I heard for the first time made quite the impression. Talk about something to aspire to. Mark Twain was such a great writer. My first book was Tom Sawyer, that I got for Christmas from my Aunt/Tia Mati. I was upset at first, since what kid wants a book, but I read it and the reading thing caught on.

Saturday night, I went to see Joe Rogan's stand up comedy. I think I have gone to see him 3 times over as many years in Austin. I always enjoy it. The year that has past since I last saw him went by pretty quickly. Funny way to measure time. I went with my friend Megan and I don't think I could have prepared her for amount of vulgarity, but she was a good sport. The opening acts were more vulgar, though still funny. When Rogan performed, I felt like I had heard some of the jokes before, but the majority of it was new. My favorite part is when, at the end, he just let's the audience pick topics. I always forget that, and next year I'm going to be more prepared to yell out things so that the drunk guys yelling UFC stuff can be ignored for my cool topics.

After getting lasik this summer, I've started to forget that I don't wear glasses anymore. It has just become so normal. I thought it would take longer to not be reaching for my glasses. I will still say it was some of the best money I have spent. So bear with me, but I have for years brushed my teeth in the shower (great idea, you should try it), but now that I can see in the shower, I just recently added shaving to that list. I purchased a sweet fog-less mirror and gave it a try. It is awesome, and since I spent way too much time just standing under the hot water drifting off, now I can be more productive and can shave more often. I'm getting to the point where I should probably shave every day, but I still save every two days. I have a shower radio I never use, always thought I would use it more often.

Here are some more thoughts on the Rally to Restore Sanity. I was watching the Daily Show this week where Jon Stewart Responds To The 'False Equivalency' Critique Of The Rally To Restore Sanity (VIDEO) "See, it turns out that a lot of people are all in a twist over what they saw as a "false equivalency" between what left-leaning media types do every day and what right-leaning media types do every day."

I'm a huge fan of Jon Stewart and thought the Rally was great for many reasons. It was a bunch of reasonable liberals dressed up like moderates. (You know, since the definition of moderate moves more to the right as the far right pulls farther. ) It was also a grand sign making party. Facts and distortions are not differences of opinions, but the Rally meant a lot of different things to a lot of different people, which I thought was a fair response by Stewart. Whatever it was, there wasn't an alternative Rally to attend.

patience can be an excuse to let life pass by

Sanity Restored

"Dear Lord, Protect me from your followers." - Unknown

This weekend I went to Washington, DC to attend the Daily Show's Rally to Restore Sanity and to visit some good friends. It was an epic weekend of moderate drinking, reasonable behavior and copious amounts of fun. This is my recap. I heard the rally referred to as "the biggest inside-joke walk-a-thon in American History" and a "mock-in." It was legendary and everything I imagined it to be.


I flew in on Friday morning and arrived at Reagan Airport about noon. It had been three and a half years since I had been in DC, years which have gone by very quickly. Mark was busy working, so I hopped on to the Metro and went to meet my friend Bob for lunch. I still had my old smart pass with money on it, and it was nice to see it still worked. I had to transfer at Rosslyn, the first place I ever lived when I first moved there after college. To think, each day I would wake up and walk to that metro station and now it was just another stop along the way on a visit to this town. I met up with Bob and it was great catching up. I appreciated that he took the time to come and hang out with me. I miss hanging out with Bob and Angie.


After, I headed into downtown DC on the metro to kill some time. There was one museum I always wanted to go to, The Spy Museum. It was near my work and I never made it out in all the years I lived there. I promised myself I would go before I left, but the timing didn't work out. So this time I was intent on going and finally made it. That took a long time to check off my to do list, but it was worth it. Spy stuff is cool, I would like to be a spy, which probably makes me a bad spy. Oh, that and a blog.


When I was done learning how to take secret pictures and mark mail boxes with codes, I went to meet up with Sam aka Dr. Cook at an Irish pub. It has been a while and it was nice to see him. He is getting married next year and I'm looking forward to his wedding in San Diego. We had a few drinks and caught up. It is always great talking about old times. It is good when friends make an effort to keep in touch.


Once Mark got out of a late day of work, he picked us up at the Metro, and we went to his place where his wife Ashley was making cookies. We had a few drinks and then headed to my friend Sarah's Halloween party. It was only a quick cameo, but it was nice to see my friend from 7th and 8th grade summer smart camp. Sarah is one of those really happy good spirited people and I was happy that she was just like I remembered her.


When we got back to the apartment, we drank with Ashley's friend Ashley2 and her boyfriend's father. It was nice to finally get to hang out with Ashley and get to know her as a person and not just Mark's fiance/wife. Then Ashley's Kentucky friends arrived. They were such nice people and though I wasn't the most social person, I enjoyed my chats with them. I learned you can use a hairdryer to fill an inflatable bed and a great way to make a road trip more interesting.


Saturday morning, Mark was so kind to go out and get everyone breakfast. After eating and getting ready, we all walked out to the Metro to head to the Rally. It was finally time. It came with a lot of anticipation. Rick got there well before us, which was such a smart idea. We stopped by the nearby CVS and I got 3 blank paper signs and a black marker. The metro was so backed up, we walked over 4.5 miles from Virginia to DC for the Rally. It was fun, but tiring because my shoes sucked. There were a lot of people walking.


Here is a video of Sam doing a commentary as we crossed the bridge into DC: http://www.flickr.com/photos/hyadus/5134440253/


Mark had a sign that carried the whole way that said, "Anchor babies are Adorable" and on the back there was a picture of philosorapter and it said, "Anchor babies are Delicious." [fn An anchor baby is an anti-immigrant myth of babies that are born to undocumented women.] Sam made a sign that said, "We want our Country Forward" (with Back marked out) and I made on that said, "I wish all these people Voted." Here are the flickr pictures and videos of the event and all our posters.


When we arrived, the Rally was extremely packed. We couldn't even get close enough to the speakers that we could hear clearly what was going on. The Rally was a gathering of like minded individuals who were ok with not agreeing about everything. It was like a very witty joke and over 200,000 people were in on it. Sign after sign made me laugh. People were connecting, being kind and considerate. Nobody was filled with hate or anger, and there are things to be angry about. Here I am holding up my sign:


I had many friends attend the rally, but due to the size, it was impossible to meet up them. We had a blast, meeting new people, taking photos and hanging out. I think that was what the experience was really about. We even met two old ladies who came on the Huff Post bus who were so sweet and kind. They drank with us as Sam mixed them some drinks. I later had to watch the actual Rally on TV to clearly hear all the jokes and see what was going on, and that was great too. The crowd was very impressive.

A quick internet search came up with: 55 Funniest Signs. There is also the Best 100 signs. There are lots of these sites and I saw some way funnier ones, but some are great. They are a great way to kill time, but if you have time, really check out my photos of the event.

Reading this article about the rally burned, but it really makes me look at the Rally in a different way. It is very long, but one part that really made me think was, "Let’s gather together in an ironic, self-aware way, and celebrate how we’re not really rallying or laying anything on the line–not even now, not even when the whole fucking country is collapsing. What’s our prize, Don?" I do stand for something, but I don't think it is exclusive with having a good time and trying to restore some sanity.

After the Rally was over, we hung out on the mall for a few hours. We had a pretty comfortable camp set up.
My friend Rick came to join us and we then treked into the city to find food. Everywhere was packed and after much much walking, we finally found something. All that walking injured my knee, which was a sad testament to how much I don't usually use it. It hurt to walk, but I toughed it out and was disappointed with myself for getting to a point where this could happen.

Exhausted, we finally arrived back at Mark and Ashley's home at night and rested for a bit. There was no energy to go out to a bar, so we drank and had some great conversations. That is something I a big fan of. It is part of the trip that I really enjoyed. We told silly jokes and one liners, talked about math and probability and about the amazing experience we had that day.


Sunday morning, Sam, Mark and I had breakfast and then I headed to the airport home to Austin. I was very thankful to Mark and Ashley to opening up their home to us and for being such wonderful hosts. Sunday was also the day of the Marine Corps Marathon, which had a lot of runners on my train. We did steal a photo at the podium the day before. Even in our imagination, I still get 2nd place.


In the end, I must say it was an experience I'll never forget. What a perfect way to go back and visit DC. I plan on getting back more.

ghosts around every corner

Haunted House

"And long after I've gone

You'll still be humming along

And I will keep you in my mind

The way you make love so fine

We may only have tonight

But till the morning sun you're mine all mine"

- Plain White T's - Rhythm Of Love

My trip to Washington, DC is this weekend, but since I'm sure to write an entry about the trip, I'll forgo talking at length about how much I'm looking forward to it. I will say that I'm worried that it is going to be exhausting and colder than I remember. It is going to be awesome for sure, even if just because of all the friends I'm going to see. I'm sure it will go by super fast. I'm ready for all the old memories to rush back and for the new ones to develop.

Wednesday night, I went to a relatively famous haunted house in Austin called “House of Torment.” It was much more than a maze of monsters. Imagine a multi-layered, psychological thrill almost comparable to a trip through a horror movie. It has detailed two-story sets, animatronic monsters (some actually scary, others just cool looking), and even the smell feels authentic. I enjoyed it, but I must say I learned some valuable lessons. Smiling makes it less scary, you have to go in the front of a group not at the back or the people will steal all the scary and that really does take away from the experience. There is something about it being just you and darkness moving into a new room not knowing what to expect rather than coming in after the surprise. If you can check it out, you should. I'll be sure to go next year. I hope everyone has a Happy Halloween!

I hope everyone votes this November. I think voting is important, even if you don't agree with me politically. I do regret that I'm not that informed in local elections, so I just vote my party (I'm a liberal of course). It is times like this I wish I worked in politics, but it seems so emotionally stressful.

The other night I watched a documentary on the trapped Chile Miners on PBS. I followed the news somewhat, but man this really put it all together. It was quite emotional and moving. I can't believe how far down they were and how long they stayed down there. It is neat to see what happens when people come together for a good purpose and how much they can get done. I'm glad they all made it out ok.

The song lyric made me think of this. I don't think about this often, but when the show is on, she still reminds me so much of Charlotte it's uncanny. I know your memory can be whatever you want it to be and it is not that I can relate to the Cooper character, but I can't see the storyline without making parallels to my memories. That is what any good story does, like a cold reader, it speaks in generalizations and common situations that people think are unique to them. The differences are glaring and apparent, but when you only look for one thing, that is what you find and you ignore everything else. So, it reminds me of her in a way I don't fully understand. Maybe it is that cold, non-communicative side. Ice and passion as both sides of the same coin. It must be effective.

asking for money did the trick

Not Camping

"You paint me a blue sky and go back
And turn it to rain
And I lived in your chess game
But you changed the rules every day
Wonderin which version of you
I might get on the phone, tonight"
- Dear John, T. Swift

Friday, my house mates left to go camping. Abram and his girlfriend seemed very excited about getting away to nature. Camping has never really been my thing, and I stayed back to take care of the pets. Maybe someone just hasn't made the pitch to me in the right way. It might have to do with my allergies that make me think that longer than 12 hours outdoors might not be the most fun for me. Maybe in an RV. I do enjoy making fires though.

My sister Ana, her kids and Rick came into Austin for the weekend the UT game. It sucks that UT had another disappointing loss. It was a very early game.

Friday night, I went to play poker at my friend Mario's house. I had a great time. He is a very gracious host. We saw the end of the Texas game and it was just perfect that that final batter they struck out was A.Rod. Last time we played, Mario beat me, so this time I needed to make a good showing. We played until about 2 am and it ended up being me and another player heads up and I had a slightly larger chip stack. We chopped the winnings in a rough proportion and I went home a happy man. The best part of course is the good company.

Here is something I'm excited about. Today is 25 years since the events and release of Back to the Future. Such a great 80s movie and I loved that the main character was named Marty. My favorite has to be the first, but man the second was also very good. The 3rd, well it was nice to be able to watch some more I guess. Time travel would be so awesome is what I used to think a lot as a kid. I don't think as much about things like that 25 years later. Man, I was only 5 years old (going on 6) and still remember watching the movie. I have to note that there is no excuse for hover boards not existing yet. We should be way past hover bikes already. I mean, at least personal jet packs exist in theory, even though they are very unsafe and you can't really buy one.

There is music I like and Taylor Swift doesn't usually fit my musical tastes. I'm not in the Kayne school of "I'm real happy for you and Imma let you finish, but..." but at the same time, I also have trouble relating the emotions of teen-pop. That said, her new CD Speak Now came out today and I checked it out because of her "Dear John" song. I am a Mayer fan and wanted to hear what a song written about him sounded like. I was impressed. Here is my favorite part, not including the quote above:

"Well maybe it’s me

And my blind optimism to blame

Maybe its you and your sick need

To give love then take it away

And you’ll add my name

To your long list of traitors

Who don’t understand

And I’ll look back in regret."

I guess there is a reason she is a top selling artist. I have a feeling she is going to be around for some time if she can keep writing with a poison pen. That is about my extent of the understanding of the tabloid drama.

Prayin’ the floor won’t fall through, again

The Diploma Frame

“Love is a gift. You can't buy it, you can't find it, someone has to give it to you. Learn to be receptive of that gift.” -

Kurt Langner

Over 8 years ago I graduated from college and my family came up that spring to Ithaca, NY for my graduation. I got various presents from my family for graduating, for example a class ring from my mom, but the one present that I think about often was from my sister Veronica. She wanted to buy me a nice Cornell diploma frame for my graduation. I told her that I could really use the money instead because I was about to move and was very short on cash. She told me that as a gift, the money would be gone and soon forgotten, but that the diploma frame would be something I would always have that I could always see and think, "That gift was from my sister Veronica." She wanted to give me a gift, not a donation. I made a deal with her, she would give me the money (since at the time I thought I needed it) and that later once I got a job, I'd go back and buy the diploma frame for myself and it would still be my gift from her and I'll always look to it as, "the gift from my sister Veronica" for my graduation. She reluctantly agreed, and I intended to keep my promise.

When I moved to DC, I purchased a cheap frame from Walgreens for $8 as a stop gap solution, even got one for my then girlfriend, and figured in no time I'd have the extra cash to go back and buy the nicer one from the University. Less than a year later, my sister Veronica passed away. Frequently, I still think about how 29 was such a young age and how no matter how old I get, she will always be my older sister.

It is 8 years past from that moment at the Cornell Store, and in my office on the wall is the same cheap $8 frame I bought so many years ago in DC. I did not keep my word, but not because I don't want to have a gift that was so meaningful from my sister. Part of me felt like buying the new frame and receiving the gift was the last transaction we will ever have, the last gift she will ever give me. I had trouble coming to terms with that and wasn't ready to let go. It felt like my last chance to feel close to her. But the more I have thought about it, this is something she wanted to give me, and asked for a short forbearance of the gift, but it has been way too long. I kept thinking about the one moment I had by buying the gift, instead of all the moments I would have with actually having the gift.

So today, I got online and ordered the exact same diploma frame that she wanted to buy for me on my graduation day. It should arrive in a few weeks, but instead of making me like I was losing the last thing between us, it became clear that was gaining not only a treasured gift from my sister but also keeping a promise. She was right, the money was forgotten, and this gift, which will be always be on my office wall will forever be an item that I will cherish and as I look at it, I'll think, "that is the gift my sister Veronica bought for me." Thank you, Vero.

I keep thinking about my approaching trip to DC for Halloween weekend. This is going to be a really good time and I'm excited that so many friends are going. I wish I would make the effort to travel more, but KY, AZ and DC in the past 4 months isn't too shabby. I haven't done much planning for the Rally for Sanity, but I figure we will just show up. Plus, with so many people, I'm sure someone will have the details under control.

I enjoy baseball, but I'm not a true fan compared to a lot of people I know. I watch during the playoffs each year and when I lived in DC I would occasionally go to a game every now and then. My teams have always been the Texas Rangers and Houston Astros, but I haven't followed the Rangers closely since back in the day when Nolan Ryan pitched. The memory of one of his no-hitters is very clear in my mind. I remember those days and how much I loved baseball back then. Sadly, I've probably seen more Red Sox games than Rangers games in the last 10 years. But for now, I'm a Rangers bandwagon fan and I'm enjoying it. It also doesn't hurt that I love to hate the Yankees.

I had mentioned in a previous entry that I had gotten my mom one of those new ipod Nanos (6th gen). I would get one for myself, but I decided I wanted a 5th gen ipod Nano because it plays video and has physical buttons. I think there is a lot to be said for physical buttons. My dad told me that Toys R Us were having an ipod trade in promotion, so I took in my old ipod classic and was offered a whopping $5 for it. Considering that I can also take it into the Apple store and get 10% of an ipod, I thought I'd rather do that. But then again, I can buy an ipod from Amazon, at a small discount and with no taxes, so I'll get it even cheaper that way. I'm still left with an old ipod I don't use. I'll figure it out, since it is a lot of thinking to save a few bucks. But instead of trying to figure out how to save a few bucks, I went on Craigslist and bought a 5th gen used ipod nano at a great price, which is all I really need. I know I have an iPhone, but you can't use that when working out. Why even risk it? So far, so good.

Another random thing I purchased was 5 toed barefoot running shoes. I had seen an interview by the author of Born to Run a long time ago which peaked my interest. Then looking on Facebook I noticed that a friend of mine was wearing them in a photo so I asked her about them. She gave me a lot of helpful information. This motivated me to take the plunge and purchase a pair. I haven't tried them out yet really, so I can't talk much about them, but I have heard a lot of good things. This should be exciting.

Here is my last purchase story. On Wednesday, I purchased 3-day tickets for ACL 2011. Feels weird spending money now for an event that is going to happen September 16-18, 2011, but it is the 10 year anniversary and should be a big deal. Just think, a year from now it will feel like the tickets are free since I paid for them so long ago. For now, it sucks paying for something in the distant future. I think it will be worth it. I've had a great time every year. I'm looking forward to seeing the lineup.

holding on too tight is the same as letting go completely

Fish and Chips

"Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the unlived life of the parent." - Carl Jung

I spent the weekend visiting my family in the Valley. I hadn't been back for quite some time it felt like. The pretext for the trip was to drop off my dog Chloe with my dad so that he could take her to get spayed. He will be able to take care of her while she is healing much better than I would be able to.


I left after work, but I got in late on Friday night. Chloe did great on the drive down, she even got to ride in the front seat the whole 6 hours. It was an hour longer because I kept stopping to give her a chance to pee, but she just took the time to sniff around and get a good walk in, making me stop again half an hour later since I didn't know how well I could trust her. She did great though, but as you can see in the picture, I put up protection. Usually when I would go visit home, I'd make an effort to go out on Friday night to make the most of my time, but this time I was tired and just went to bed.

Saturday morning, I visited with my older sister Ana and my father. I also gave my mom a surprise. She had been wanting an ipod, so I got her an ipod nano. It is the new one that also has a radio and a clip, so she can use it when she walks. She really liked it and I showed her how to add music to it, but I don't know how well she will remember. In either case, I hope she gets good use out of it.

In the afternoon, I met up with my friend Andrea who provided the motivation for visiting. We went to the Edinburg Museum of South Texas History for a Dia de los Muertos event. Her sister Tanya, her niece and her friend Sara came along. I hadn't been to the Museum since I was little and from what I hear the majority of it is pretty new, ie, built in the last 10 years. My only childhood memory from there was of the old jail and of this noose that hanged in a room and from what I recalled, only one person has been killed there. I took the time to go and visit that room and it was just like my memory, except that the rope was much thinner. But back to the Day of the Dead event. It was well put together and very festive. I had a great time. Andrea's niece seemed to really enjoy herself. There was face painting, music, food, art and these Day of the Dead Alters. The face painting was done by legit artists and the work was impressive. They probably got less people done because they were so detailed, but the work was great. I never grew up celebrating the Day of the Dead and appreciate it as a Mexican tradition, but not my own. The alters, though important to people and about real people, just would not be a way I would want to remember someone. This I thought a lot about while I was there.

I hadn't seen Sara since high school, so it was great seeing her and Tanya, who I think is awesome, is due to have her baby pretty soon. I was impressed that she was still so active, but then again, I don't really know much about how active people normally are. At one point, we took on the arts and crafts tables where I did my first coloring since elementary to pass the time. It brought back crayon memories and we even learned how to make flowers, mine which I gave to a little girl who liked it and asked me about it. I got an approving nod from her father. I even got to ask questions of one of the artists who was there. He was a college senior. His mom was also there and so proud. He was a bit embarrassed of how proud she was, but more so there was pride over his work. I was impressed. Andrea is great about finding these types of events. I'm sure I'll go back sometime to actually check out the Museum part of the Museum.

Later in the evening we went out and I finally got to see the movie Secretariat. I saw a preview during the Kentucky Derby and really wanted to see it despite the fact it was PG/Disney, so probably geared towards kids. It was not, and it was a great movie, the type a family should rent and watch together. It was great to finally get the see the story about something I only knew bits and pieces of. I like horse racing a lot more than I thought I did. I do watch the Triple Crown each year, but other than that, I don't know much.

Sunday morning, I met up with my sister Eliza and her family for lunch. It was nice visiting with my nieces Tori and Celeste. Celeste I feel does not know me very well, mainly because I've been absent most of the time, but in Tori's case, when she was a baby I was in college, so I missed a huge part of her life and I still consider us pretty close now that she is older. No one wants to feel like a distant uncle, but sometimes things just play out how they play out. It was great to have some good Mexican food before I left. The trip back felt longer than the trip home, even though I made so much better time. I got to listen to the Cowboys on the radio and it isn't even worth mentioning.

Sunday night was the season finale of Mad Men. I did not plan on being such a fan of the show, but since truly discovering the show this summer and catching up, I've packed in 4 seasons over a matter of months. It was bittersweet in the sense that I was excited about the episode, but sad that I would have to wait a long time to see a new one. It is the type of show where I wish there was some sort of class the next day where we could discuss the themes and story. There was a scene where the blanket that Don's secretary was wrapped in was my favorite type of blanket, the type with a satin edge. I liked that detail. My favorite line has to be the one by Faye, "And I hope she knows you only like the beginnings of things." Great finale, but it doesn't mean I agree with it. I'm kind of dismayed by it actually. I saw that it was coming, not to that extent. I'll try not to drop any spoilers, so I'll leave it at that.

Here are some random thoughts. I wonder if people ever wake up and think, "Man, I did not age well." This isn't something I had put much thought into until recently. I saw this woman in her late 40s who had actually aged really well. Not well enough to where I couldn't tell she was in her 40s, but nevertheless well. I wonder how much it has to do with being healthy versus genetics. I've seen people in their late 20s that look like they are in their late 30s. Attractiveness is somewhat subjective (science proportions aside), but being youthful looking must add to it. Maybe I have just been caught up on the subject of age as of late.

I hate to end on a negative note, but I hate chain forwards and I'm not a guy that throws the word hate around. (Did you catch how I threw it around by trying to explain that I don't?) I really do, with a passion that runs deep. I know I have mentioned this before, but it just has to be said again. Misinformation disguised as "warnings" ones drive me crazy and makes me wish people would just go to scopes.com before forwarding/posting. Religious and nationalist forwards bother me even more. Yes, God is great, Troops are great, but do they really care if you forward this poorly written message. There are sometimes good intentioned ones, but they still say stupid shit. I hate when there are comments like, “93% of people won’t forward this.” Fuck you, is that supposed to motivate me to forward this bullshit on, like some sort of reverse psychology guilt. 93% of people are smart enough to delete this shit I want to reply knowing that 93% is a number they pulled out of their ass. Then you have ones, if you love God you will forward this, or something of that nature, which by not doing what they say, makes you by default a bad person. So I was a good person, but didn't forward your shit, so now I hate puppies? thanks. The chain letter is an old instrument and whether it is now in emails or facebook postings, it is the same old concept and I can't believe that virus is still around. I’ve said this before and will say it again, if the info in your “forward” is so grand, then copy it and send it alone without all the bullshit "forward me or you will get bad luck and make baby Jesus cry" bullshit. If you read my blog, you might notice I usually do not use curse words liberally, though on occasion they make sense, but this topic really annoys me. I mean, I love forwarding cool information to friends, great articles or news, but that is different than a chain forward and I hope you understand that. The way to spot a chain forward is when you are asked to forward it on to more people. If it is so it, the message it self will prompt the wanting to share, not a command under penalty of "insert chain letter tactic here." It is really simple I guess. So even stuff like, "I love my family, if you do too, post this on your wall" is a chain forward and even though I do love my family, I'll never post it and will try super hard not to let it annoy me, which I will fail at. Now if a person posted, "Vote against the law that kills puppies", and that is all, then reposting is not a forward and this is probably good information to share. Why am I trying to explain this, you understand, I'm just rambling like an old man now...this isn't meant to offend, just as a way to vent.

You know, speaking of venting, I do not enjoy reading when people vent about negative things they do not like. It just says more about them than it does about the thing bothering them. Knowing that, I should probably delete my forwards thoughts, but there is no use trying to be someone I'm not. (I wrote this rant a while back, and am much over it now, but reading it again, I could still relate.)

You are the moth, not the flame

Austin City Limits 2010

"Everything about you is how I'd wanna be

Your freedom comes naturally

Everything about you resonates happiness

Now I won't settle for less

Give me All the peace and joy in your mind

Everything about you pains my envying

Your soul can't hate anything

Everything about you is so easy to love

They're watching you from above."

- Muse (Bliss)

Austin City Limits just passed this weekend and I initially only had a ticket for Saturday. I needed two more tickets for friends that were coming so I decided to hit up Craigslist to see what I could do. Each year I have been proud of my ability to get tickets for face value even though they tend to sell for at least $20 over face. After some work, I was able to pick up 3 Saturday tickets at face value. (All legit tickets too, I might add.) That gave me an extra ticket, which I was able to sell for a profit. Then I decided last minute I wanted to go on Friday, so I was able to pull my Craigslist magic and get two Friday hard tickets for $10 under face. A good deal considering people are selling over face. I gave the second ticket to my brother Abram that morning and he was able to change his work plans to come. Next year, I'm just going to buy my three day pass early and a few Saturday tickets for friends that might want to come. It was the most gorgeous weather you could ask for.

Friday, I took the day off of work and what was going to be a chill day relaxing at home ended up being a music festival experience. I decided to make it an iPhone only pictures event to see how well I can do without my camera. I was impressed. When I got there Blues Traveler was playing. They put on an amazing show. I used to love them growing up, I don't know how many times I listened to their cds. I miss the days when I used to listen to full cds. I got to see among many; The Black Keys, Miike Snow, The Band of Heathens, a bit of The Sword, SPOON, Vampire Weekend, The Strokes and Phish. Spoon put on a great show as did The Strokes. For me the highlight was Spoon, mainly because I had been wanting to see them for quite some time.

Saturday, my friend Andrea came into town to join us for ACL. Abram's girlfriend Ashley also got to go to ACL for the first time. It was a fun day to say the least. I got to see Pete Yorn, The Gaslight Anthem, Broken Bells, The xx, The Temper Trap, Gogol Bordello, Ozomatli, Mat and Kim, and Muse. I must say, Muse was pretty darn Stellar. We were relatively close to the stage, which I was proud of. It was quite the experience. I even got a raccoon sun burn since I was wearing sunglasses and a cap. Here is a photo of everyone hanging out.

Here are my Flickr photos from the event. I posted them on Facebook too, which makes me wish I could somehow sync my FB and Flickr photos in an easier way.

I had a lot of other friends that went to ACL that I didn't get to see or run into. From what I have heard, they all had great times. Over all, my two days at ACL were a great experience. I'm glad Andrea was able to come and enjoyed her company.

Part of life is growing and becoming the person you want to be, not just accepting the person you are. I can probably say that I was the kind of person that held on to the past because I believed that it was somehow romantic. Your past can always be just how you choose it to be, which makes it easier to hold on to. To let go I thought was to admit that everything I experienced was not real...but that notion is not romantic, it is just unhealthy. The truth is always changing. Why hold on to things you don't even want? For example, I have old cell phones that are out of date, a zip drive, and other random things in my closet that serve no real purpose other than the memories they represent, or this faint notion that you never know when you are going to need that 250mb zip disk (My camera sd card has 8GB). I like my new stuff better, yet I still hold on and do not throw them away. I've cast myself as tourtured romantic lead in the story and have lived my life accordingly.

Music is great in that it brings back memories. An example of this is actually relates to the band Muse. I saw them two years ago at ACL for the first time and even wrote about it. It was very hard for me then. I think they are a great band, and they have a lot of songs I think are amazing, but unfortunately, they represented something different for me at the time. They had baggage of being the favorite band of a former flame, the one she discovered without me and saw the night we both knew things were over forever. She had once dedicated the song "Bliss" to me and instead of taking it at its lyrics and being appreciative, it meant only what I wanted it to mean and it made me feel worse. This is all stuff that only exists in your mind, oblivious to anyone around you.

So now, all these years later, I was in the same spot, listening to the same band and I knew it would be different. And to my surprise, it was different. I had let go. This was now my moment, the moment I got past all the bullshit that seems to permeate different aspects of my life. This moment was about the moment, at this time, not a moment to relive another moment where I was pining about something else. My thinking was better and I let go of this unproductive waste of time of my untamed wandering mind. That meant a lot to me. I listened to each song with joy and the freedom it represented. It is easy to say, just get over it, or even to think, yeah I'm over that...but to feel it, that was a big deal for me. It does help that the show they put on was amazing, she did have good taste, and I'm a fan of their music.

Today, Sunday, is 10/10/10. I hear a lot of people got married today. I don't know of any friends that did, but it was still a pretty cool day. I mainly spent it relaxing, watching the Cowboys disappoint me and feeling hopeful about things to come. Oh, I decided to get those barefoot running shoes with the toes for my next paycheck. I hope they are as cool as they seem. I plan to use them to run, since I think they look silly as regular shoes.

I saw this video on SNL and thought it was very funny. It is called "Damn it, my mom is on Facebook."

watching you from above