Maria - You will be always remembered

“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.” - Unknown

I am writing today with a heavy heart. Yesterday, I found out that my dear friend Maria Morales passed away. After years of battling cancer, her weakened state made her susceptible to other ailments. I think that it was more than anyone should have to endure. I may not understand the specifics, but I know I have lost someone really special. There are no words I could share that would do her memory justice, but my heart goes out to her family and loved ones. I am going to miss her very much. I am lucky because she was part of my life.

Here is Maria with the girls Sophomore year in college. They were such great friends.

I'm still trying to accept the reality and am experiencing the grief. I wanted to share some of Maria's own words from a blog entry she wrote at: http://mariasmorales.blogspot.com/. These words always struck a chord with me because it showed the type of person that she was. Maria was a happy person that truly experienced joy, even in the face of what might harden other people. Both very smart and social. About a year ago Maria wrote:


"So I kind of relate this back to my life with cancer. Sometimes people tell me they admire me, that if they were in my situation they wouldn't know how to handle it. But the thing is, my life for the last 2 1/2 years has been with cancer so that's just how it is now. So all the little problems that come with living with cancer seem just that, little. Because I deal with them day in and day out they don't seem out of the ordinary. My life doesn't suck now, it is not worse, it just is. In fact, I feel like I have a happy life. My life now, even with cancer, is better than what it was a few years ago. Yes I worry about my health, yes I would rather not have cancer, but cancer has not ruined my life. I am a stronger person because I've overcome the obstacles that cancer has brought."

I admired Maria so very much. One of the aspects of my friendship with her that I cherished was that she had something I've always been looking for. That sense of inner joy, peace and happiness. Her smile was genuine and her presence was at times like sunshine. Maria was indeed special. She was an amazing friend to so many people, probably because she really cared about the people around her. The hardest part about reading her words is that despite the health problems she had to deal with, she was truly enjoying a happy life. In the end I'm glad she no longer has to suffer from the pain of the last month, but before that, her life was filled with so much happiness and promise. It hurts that that was taken away from her. What I can say is that Maria did live her life to the fullest.

Iris and Maria.

I understand that no matter who we are, death is going to touch us. Maria's funeral is tomorrow, which is also my sister Vero's Birthday who I lost so tragically years ago. That pain still follows me each day. Knowing what my family and I have gone though, it breaks my heart that Maria's family has to deal with this. My thoughts and prayers go out to them. I wish there was something I could say or do that would make it any easier.

Maria and Jorge.

I'll probably have things to say as it starts to set in and I don't mean to disrespect my friend by sharing my thoughts in a silly blog, but Maria would read my blog when she had time. She cared about what I had to say and would give me feedback over the years. It meant a lot and was how we kept up. So she would understand how it helps me deal with my feelings.


I looked it up and the last time Maria and I talked on the phone and it was on February 15th. We chatted for 90 mins. [I can never remember the last time I talked to my sister before she passed away and it has always weighed on me.] Maria talked about her recent trip to Thailand and the amazing time she had. I shared with her the latest in my life and we talked about bigger picture issues, kids and the fear of dying being some of them. Maria would have made a great mom and was so proud to be an aunt. Had I know it would be the last time we would truly communicate, I would have kept her on so much longer.

It hurts saying things in past tense because my thoughts are present tense. Going from being a person in your life to a memory from your life is a difficult transition.


Thank you Maria for being part of my life and for all the ways you affected me. Thank you for all the memories. Most of all, thank you for your friendship, it has added positively to my life in ways I can not begin to explain. I'll miss you greatly and keep you in my heart. Your friends care for you so very much.

I'll always cherish you

Bex's HS Graduation Party

“Live as you would have wished to live when you are dying.”- Christian Furchtegott Gellert

Last week was hard to describe, but what I can say is that I'm glad that it is finally over. The highlight of my week was that I finally had my first golf lesson after having to reschedule multiple times. I feel like I did a good job for my first real time being out there. I can hit the ball with the driver, but still have a problem being consistent with the regular club. I need a lot more practice and have a few more lessons set up. I hear that once you learn to play, the game is very addictive. I guess I’m about to find out. I like trying new things and I waited way too long to try this one.

This weekend was my niece Bekkah's high school graduation party we threw for her. She is going to Texas A&M Kingsville in the fall. My siblings and I all chipped in to celebrate this milestone. Most of the work was put in my sister Ana who took care of most of the planning details with my sister Eliza who not only helped, but let us use her house for the party. 

 My contribution was mainly donating, that and helping set up with the chairs and tables and whatnot.

Friday night, I arrived in the Valley late. My cousin Rino drove down with us because he was also going to his grandmother's 75th birthday party. Since I didn't have any plans with friends as I often do when I visit, I spent Friday night with my family visiting. My grandmother was in town and staying with my mother so we visited and caught up. I see my grandmother a lot less now that she lives in Ft. Worth, but we still talk pretty regularly on the phone. 

 She does seem to be very happy there.

Since I just got my new bed, I brought down my full sized bed for my niece Sarah. We traded her for a twin sized mattress we brought back to Austin to keep under the bed for when we have guests driving through. So if you ever sleep on it, you now know the story behind the bed. I think Sarah will like the full sized bed since I never had any complaints except for the size issue. I hope she likes it.

Saturday morning, I visited with my dad and then went to Rick's house to pick up chairs and tables with Abram. We set them up at Eliza's house where I hadn't been since she painted. She had the interior painted different colors and it looked really nice. Each room has its own look and she has a very good eye for that type of thing. She also got a new backyard fence for the party that she had quickly built.

Once we were done with those errands, we had lunch at this wings place. I rarely eat at wings places, so I enjoyed it, I don't know why I don't go more. Rick had his niece and nephew in tow, and they are pretty cool little kids. They have grown a lot since I last saw them. It didn't take long to get back to Eliza's house to keep setting up for the party. Ana and Eliza handled all the important stuff, the decorations, etc and I just provided a little help where needed. No one buys ice like this guy.

Finally, after going home to change, the party was under way. We even had catering--Talk about moving on up. A lot of family and friends came over and it was great seeing everyone. Bekkah was indeed the bell of the ball. Here are Jamie and Bekkah at the party looking very lovely. Jamie is the little sister.

Here are the graduation party flickr photos for your enjoyment. Bekkah also had her high school friends over as well and they all seemed like very nice kids. Other than being extremely proud of Bekkah, the night had its emotional ups and downs. The hardest part and was that my sister Veronica was not able to be around to watch her little girl graduate. She was on our mind the entire time and not only made the moments more special, but also more reflective. There was a slideshow for Bekkah of pictures from when she was little until present day and a lot of them had her and her mom. That brought a lot of tears. She would be very proud of her little girl.

I remember well my sister Vero's graduation party, even though I was still a kid. Very early 90s. The family had just purchased a VHS camcorder so we have video from the event. It is a family video that we have watched a lot with the girls over the years. It is hard to think that Bekkah is the same age that her mom was in that video. There was a moment on the video where Vero and her friend are cutting the graduation cake. Her friend, probably having attended a few weddings, out of nowhere smashed the cake into Vero's face. It was very unexpected and very funny. It is a moment that epitomizes that occasion for me. Saturday, I was recording Jamie and Bekkah and then out of nowhere Jamie grabbed her cake and put it in Bekkah's face. (Maybe not out of nowhere, since I put Jamie up to it.) It made me laugh and brought back good memories. It was a moment that meant a lot to me. I'm glad I got that on video. There was hugging and crying afterwards.

Seeing the family was great and we all hung out until midnight, having a few beers chatting. Overall, it went very well and was a very nice party. I myself am looking forward to Bekkah's college graduation party which will be happening around the same time as Jamie's (and Sarah's) high school graduation in 4 years.

Sunday, Ana took me to this place to buy sheets and a comforter for my new king sized bed. They had really good prices. I still need a new down comforter, a duvet cover, a down alternative blanket with satin edges and maybe a new pillow until I will feel like I'm set.

Abram drove back to Austin and made really good time. We even got there in time to see the LOST series finale. I've been waiting 6 years for this. Ever since tb persuaded me to check out the first season of the show, I've been a huge fan. After 2 1/2 hours of TV watching, I thought the ending felt good, but that I still don't know what everything means. I understand the point they tell you at the end, but not exactly how it works or even what it all means. What I want is a clean simple, creator approved description of the meaning of the island/show/ending. Not one person's or another's theory about what the show and its ending means to them. I hate when people say something is open to interpretation and that no interpretation is wrong. Lost is clearly open to interpretation I agree, but many I have heard are clearly wrong and contradicted by many facts. So many little things I wonder about, for example, Aaron was supposed to be super evil, but then that story line got dropped it seemed. Did I miss something? Great show, I enjoyed it, but man I could have gone for some answers. Where is Michael? Why were not more characters in that church? I consider myself to be a smart guy, but this show is still over my head. So enjoyable though. Farewell Lost.

so full of hope and promise

Our Coquito - Get Well Soon

"The power of love to change bodies is legendary, built into folklore, common sense, and everyday experience. Throughout history, 'tender loving care' has uniformly been recognized as a valuable element in healing." -Larry Dossey

I found out last week that my dear friend Maria Morales from LA was in the hospital ill. I'm told she has Adult Respiratory Distress Syndrome (ARDS) which is caused by a variety of things, but essentially means her lungs are swollen and irritated and she has an infection and add to that her battle with cancer. It was scary news and it was just a few months ago that Maria and I were talking about how things were going and she sounded great.


Here is a somewhat recent picture of Maria and her boyfriend Clay.




I found out from her sister Fatima about the hospitalization and she has been so kind as to give us periodic updates on Maria's status. Fatima said in one of her updates, "My mom and family and I know my sister is strong and feisty and loves life too much to give up. We are praying for the best and believe she will beat this." That gave me a lot of hope.


Words cannot express the world I think of Maria. I've been pretty open about this with whoever I talk to. She is one of those people who are genuinely happy and with that optimistic glow around her that draws you to her. I met Maria in college, probably on one of the first days I was there. She was part of our group and the memories and stories we have together span over 4 years. After college, I feel like Maria and I became even better friends keeping in touch via blog and on phone calls that would go for many hours. We just get along and she is willing to go down the rabbit holes and talk about the mundane and deep all in one conversation--A great person to share your thoughts about life with who genuinely cares. She can go from sweet, shy and kind to fiery and passionate when the moment requires it. There is so much below the surface.


Like many friends I made in college, Maria was different from my friends growing up. She grew up in LA and her story was an interesting one. I learned about what it was like growing up in Watts and a lot about Central America. As I got to know her, I found out that we had a lot in common. We talked about decathlon, and other experiences. For a while Maria was my best-friend's girlfriend, so it made me very protective over her. I was also impressed with how brilliant she was and I would even ask her for help to edit my writing assignments. She was part of our small circle of friends and we were a close knit group. It is like we all grew up together and went from being kids to adults through the experiences we shared. There were hard times and some of the happiest, even if we didn't fully appreciate it then. She was a huge part of that transition in my life. I got to meet her family, namely siblings, over the years as they came to visit and they too were great people. Her brother even lived in Ithaca with us for some time. Maria can't stay angry and it is hard to stay angry at her. She would use funny words like "planchandoing" (ironing) because it felt good. That word always made me laugh. She shared a unique bond with everyone in the group, most so much closer than mine.


Post college, we drifted apart for a few years, but she would periodically check in on my blog and one day we started talking again and it was like our friendship was renewed. I remember how excited I was when she started a blog. I was her number one reader, always asking her to update because I wanted to know what was going on. I also remember while I was living in DC, her and her boyfriend Clay came to visit. It was us three at a bar catching up with life and talking about all kinds of things. It felt just like old times. I didn't want to like Clay at first in the protective sense, but he was such a stand up guy and he makes her so happy that I could not resist. I'll leave my thoughts on the awesomeness that is Clay for another time, but it is truly great watching two people mesh so perfectly.


Now the idea of a close friend of mine battling cancer and now ARDS is very scary. The energy she has must come from a very special place. She told me once that no one knows what they are capable of until they are put to the test. She has had that test and has proven to be a real fighter. I'm glad her family is there with her giving her strength. She has dealt with her cancer with such grace and determination that each time I talked to her I was always lost in admiration with ability to not let it take over her life. I know it wasn't all positive outlooks and smiles, but compared to the sadness some people live with not dealing with adversity, it was a remarkable feat.


I'm just one person who has crossed paths with Maria and I can only imagine what it is like for her best friends, her family and her love. I don't know the details of her daily life and the particulars of everything she has gone through in her fight. I am still a friend who cares deeply about her. I'm not great about telling people how much they mean to me, but I know that Maria knows me well enough to know where I hold her. I'm looking forward to her fighting through this and getting back to her life as usual. I'll be the first one there joining her side sharing old memories and her and Clay's plans as they continue along their path. I enjoyed hearing about their new house and the new opportunities they were exploring.


Here is a photo from freshman year that brings back memories from the Bodega. We were so little back then.

Here are my photos from Freshman year 00-99 for memories sake as well since I took a stroll through them today to make me feel better.

Maria, this part is just for you, since Fatima told me she would read this for you. I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm thinking about you daily and hope you get better soon. I miss you and our long chats. You have been so strong and I'm sure your family's love has been your driving force. I feel like I should say something important or memorable, but you know me well enough to know that I can say a lot without saying anything. You are special and I'm proud of the woman you have become since the day I first met you. One day I want to be wise like you, have the patience you have shown and even be as forgiving as you. You are a great role model who teaches people lessons by example, not by lecture. Your friendship means the world to me and that is why I wanted to share a few words with you. All your friends are here with bated breath hoping for a rapid recovery. Poor Jorge, has to explain all the medical stuff to me since its all over my head. Soon enough we will be talking about El Centro, the Bodega, Shortstop, Slope Day and those late nights in the LLC dorm causing all kinds of trouble. Your life has been one of overcoming adversity in so many ways, but has not been defined by it. I'm sorry this adversity has been put in your path, but I have faith in you. I always tell you how much I envy your world view and perspective on life, the peace and the happiness you let yourself experience. I'll never forget how you explained your perma-smile back in Ithaca by saying that in Cali it is sunny so it is easy to smile, but on the east coast it is so cold that it hurts to smile and that must explain why people are so grumpy. Your smile is the one thing everyone one remembers best about you and the thing I look forward the most to seeing again. You are loved and supported Mary. I truly hope you get well soon. - Marty

the bag of candy

Weekend Work

"You cannot plough a field by turning it over in your mind." - Unknown

I am definitely keeping busy. Let me start with the weekend before last. I worked over the weekend for the first time in a while. It made the week feel over two weeks long. My life is going to be very busy work wise until mid-June and then I can go back to being a normal person working at a normal pace. It is exciting, but it takes a lot out of you. That Sunday, I called my mom to wish her Happy Mother's day just as I was getting out work. Of course I had to work late on Monday as well. I mention all this because it is so new for me, but I'm working hard. I'm looking forward to vacation as the summer the reaches its end.

Then I finished up my 11 days of work and took last Friday off. The 3 day weekend did not feel long enough. It was a good day of rest, but somehow I kept waking up super early each morning anyway. At least it was a productive weekend.

Last entry I shared a story about my cat Koki being the deal breaker on my renting a new home closer to Austin before we decided to stay in Buda. I left out my second cat Mia and surprisingly, people noticed. I was touched by the concern I got and not only changed the entry, but let those people know that Mia was ok. Almost karmically, Mia got out for the first time a week ago Thursday and was lost. After a call from the neighbors and leaving work mid-day, I was able to find her hiding in a small depression in the grass next door. I let her walk back inside on her own and she is now ok and is not as excited about checking out the outside world. I'm glad she has a collar and a name and number tag which she got as a gift. I would let my cats enjoy the outside, but the danger of being hit by cars and diseases they can pick up from other animals worries me.

I was having a debate recently about the benefits of having a king sized bed versus a full sized bed. I know it is a no brainer, but I currently have a full sized bed. I had actually moved down from a queen for some unexplained reason a few years back and haven't updated my bedroom since. Now not only is a full somewhat small for one person, but I sleep on only one side of my bed like a widower (right side if you are laying on bed). That makes it way too small. Now, yeah, add a person and it is nice and snuggy, but sometimes you need your space. Now with all that said, my ideal size is still a queen because I feel like a king is way too big. Now when I get married, then a king of course, but in the mean time, I think a queen will meet all my needs, even I only use half of it.

So I wrote the last paragraph about a week ago, but haven't had time to update. That story has come to a conclusion. I decided it was time to buy a bed, but I would take my time and look for a good deal. I was in the market for a queen sized tempurpedic bed, slightly used. I would not pay full price and many people gave me grief over my ability to purchase an even somewhat used bed. What I found was an amazing deal on a King sized tempurpedic bed, brand new in the box and still in plastic. It was cheaper than a used queen. It was so good that I drove all the way to Houston and picked up the bed in the rain and drove it back to Austin in my brother's truck. It killed my day on Saturday, but was well worth it. After purchasing the box springs and frame from a local mattress store, on Sunday I had a brand new King sized bed. That is how my mind works, it gets excited about something and then gets single tracked on that goal until it is complete. Then off to the next thing. Here is a photo I found online, though I don't have a headboard for the bed. I'm excited and hope it makes for a great night sleep.

I also purchased new sheets which were super expensive for a basic set. My other trouble is that I have a full/queen sized down blanket with duvet cover. Then I have a second full/queen sized blanket that is my personal favorite. I don't know what to do, they are too small for my new bed, but I don't need more blanket. They just look funny and small now. I'd get new ones (yeah more costs), but I really really like my blanket.

My full sized sealy bed I'm going to sell/give to my sister Ana for my niece Sarah. It is a great bed despite the size issue. I slept on a twin bed until high school where I moved up to a full I got from my sister Vero. It was a good bed and did me well. So it is a good time for Sarah to move up to a full sized bed. I'll probably sell the bed part.

Friday night, I was finally able to go out with Christina and celebrate her passage of the Texas Bar. I feel badly that we had to wait a week, but it didn't change how excited I was. We met up with friends and had a great time. I'm still extremely proud of her and my worry after all this time has passed.

On Sunday, Christina dropped by to surprise me with a painting that she commissioned from Ryan (see Art Show a few entries back). It is of a robot with a flower called "She Love me Not." It was a very nice gift and my first real piece of art. Here is a picture of the original, but mine is a different color.

My sister Ana was in town this weekend. On Saturday night I went to a BBQ with her and Rick at the other Rick's house. Rick made some great ribs and I'm rarely a person that compliments food. Ana's rice, which is usually my favorite, was made in a different way and my observation came out like a dig on the rice which everyone thought was great. I felt bad about that since it comes off as ungrateful, but she understood. You can't always please everyone. I had a nice time hanging out and chatting.

I'm off to the Valley this coming weekend for my niece Bekkah's graduation party. She just had prom this weekend and looked wonderful. It feels like I was just home a few weeks ago when we went to buy Abram's new truck. (same truck that allowed me to carry home my bed.) I'm looking forward to the party and seeing everyone. My cousin Rino will be driving down with us.

ignorance is bliss, but at a price

Art is Complicated

"The holy grail is to spend less time making the picture than it takes people to look at it." - Bansky

This weekend my brother Abram hosted an Art Showing at our house. Abram's friend Ryan is an artist and they put together a nice event at our place. I'm very impressed with what they put together. We had a good turnout and it was a fun time. I have pictures and video from the event. If you only want to look at the art work, go here. Christina's favorite and mine is this one from the "She Loves me Not" collection.

Christina is going to commision one of these robots for herself. We had a drawing for a free piece of art work and guess who won? Abram. Then we had a drawing for a free Boxmouth T-shirt and guess who won? I did. Looks pretty rigged huh? I guess there is a benefit to being the hosts.

Saturday morning, my cousin Rino invited me to Spring Fest at the middle school he works at. All of the money that is raised goes towards the special needs group "The Adventurers" and their annual summer educational trip. I bid on a set of golf clubs in the silent auction and won. I got to feel good about the donation and get started on a new hobby. I had a good time and the bbq plate was great. I even took one home for Abram who had similar thoughts. I will always be impressed with Rino's work with special needs kids. It takes a special kind of person with much patience to do what he does.

Saturday was also the Kentucky Derby. I love watching this race on TV each year. One day I would like to attend. The film about Secretariat looks like it is going to be really good. Super Saver ran a great race I think. I haven't been to a horse race since maybe once as a kid. I've been to dog races a handful of times and always enjoyed it. It is definitely the gambling part I like.

Saturday night, a very busy day by all accounts, I even watched the White House Correspondents Dinner. Obama did an amazing job telling jokes and I had some great laughs. I was disappointed in Leno, but so was everybody else. Ever since I saw Stephen Colbert speak truth to power a few years ago there, I have always wanted to go. Maybe one day. I recorded the Morning Joe special on Sunday morning to get some commentary. Nothing like watching hung over people chat about the awesome time they had. Here is the video for those of you that missed it.


You know what else happened Saturday night? The Mayweather-Mosley fight. I didn't watch it until Sunday and Mayweather was way too fast for him. I'm looking forward to the Mayweather Pacquio fight, if they ever get it properly set up. You know what else would be good? A Roy Jones Jr. and Anderson Silva fight. Too bad that won't ever happen. I miss watching boxing, but UFC I find so much more exciting.

Finally, Abram and I had been thinking of moving closer to Austin. We were looking at houses to rent and finally found the perfect one. It was going to be an increase on rent, but the location was great. Then we find out that the landlord hates cats and that since I have two cats, we can't move in. Koki and Mia are pretty non-negotiable in my book. We ended up deciding to retract our notice and stay here in Buda. I'm happy with the decision. I think you never really fall in love until you lose or are about to lose what you already have. I'm happy with our place. Now I can use my energy to look for a dining table and a new bed.

I want to congratulate my friend Christina for passing the Texas bar exam. I'm very excited for her. Watching her on this journey has been an emotional roller coaster. I'm proud of her and she will make a great attorney. I hope she celebrates very very much. She has worked really hard for this and in this process we have become much closer friends.

I went to visit her in San Antonio the day before her results were in and we went to Red Lobster. It is my favorite restaurant and considering the effects of drill, baby, drill in Louisiana, I was worried about the price of shrimp going up dramatically in the near future. So I had shrimp and lobster. It was my first time trying lobster. It is always fun trying new things, but it didn't make too much of an impression. She was concerned about her pending results, which I do not blame her since it is a scary time. Now she can be happy and enjoy the fruits of her labor. It was a long road to get here. They celebrated on Tuesday night, but I didn't make a second trip to San Antonio since I had gone the day before. I'm sure we will celebrate soon.

new shoes