Feeling Good

"If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong." -Charles Kettering

On Sunday I was out driving and I saw this young couple. They were walking up to a small house that had a for sale sign. It was clear that they were house shopping and were probably newly weds. It was a bright sunny day and they looked very happy. The house was very small, which made me think they were more excited about having a house than the house of their dreams. Too bad that small home probably cost $500,000 plus. How do people afford homes here? I hope to get a house in the next few years, a nice starter house, I figure I'll upgrade if I am getting married or move up in my career. It would be nice to own my own place I think.

I created a large to do list to make sure I took care of things before I left. So far things are coming along. I wasn't sure if I should forward my mail to my house in Edinburg or place I'm staying in Austin. Of all the things I need to do, saying goodbye isn't on this list. I'm not much for saying goodbye since I hope to see people again in the future. I hope it doesn't make me seem rude. I did do my best though.

I am learning a lot of things about myself. The more you study psychology the more you learn about things you do that you may do or think that are not in your best interests. They seem like small things, but they add up.

On a different note, one of the hard things to accept that isn't really mentally related is how addicted to caffinee and sugar I am. I wonder if I could ever give either up. In theory there is no need to give it up completely, just decrease how much I have of it. No caffinee just seems unrealistic. Maybe I need to find a drink that I really enjoy that isn't caffinated. I drink water all day, but you don't want to have water when you are having dinner.

On Monday I had a late lunch with Mark's friends and then we drank all night in Clarendon. Among them was the guy who is moving into my room. We had a good time, played pool, darts and I even met a man who was a union president. I drank too much which made Tuesday a lot harder.

I keep saying How I met your mother is one of the greatest shows out there. So if you don't watch it, do it, catch up it is great. I just saw the season finale and it was well done. They might can the show, but the rumor is it is getting a season 3. There was a moment when Marshall was told his wife was throwing up in the trash can, I thought it was a great way to end things. (only makes sense if you see it.)

My family arrives tomorrow. Well Abram gets in and then Thursday my parents get in. We are going to have lunch with my aunt and then hopefully have dinner with some friends.

was robin really not the one?

Extravaganza

"We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations." - Anais Nin

Thursday night I drank alone. It was my mini graduation celebration I guess. I had half a bottle of Johnny Walker Black and hell if I didn't deserve it. It is never a good sign to drink alone, but I think this made for a good exception. I got drunk and watched my tv shows. It was not as uplifting and celebratory as one would think. The morning did not feel good.

Friday night I met up with Bob and Angie for Marty Extravagnaza. Mark finished finals today also, so he is now a 2L. We pretty much went out to Georgetown, drank and hung out. They are such great people. I am really going to miss them. When I think of people I consider good friends, they are on that short list. Bob and Angie both told me that they wished I would stay, and though I feel that way too...I just know I need to go somewhere to start over. Somewhere without memories that I can't shake, somewhere I can set down roots in. Maybe that is just how I deal with things, by running away/running towards things, but a fresh start always makes you feel like there are all kinds of opportunties.

You learn a lot of things from your parents. You learn about faith, that no matter what life brings, faith is the most important thing and everything will be ok. You learn that you should think, that thinking and doing what you feel is right is more important than getting what you want. Not everything you learn is right, but it is sometimes such a part of you, separating it from how you think isn't easy. I am lucky for the lessons I have learned as I try to sort the ones I should keep and the ones I should dispell.

You know what is fun to do, well relatively fun, going back and reading entries I wrote years ago. There are so many I usually just randomly come upon them, today one that had Notebook quotes, mind you before I knew how manly liking that movie made me. Some of my entries were funny and made me laugh. My first thought was, man I haven't matured much in the last few years. Maybe one day I should read all my entries starting from the beginning, that would be an undertaking. The only problem with looking back is by reading, somehow it brings me to that place emotionally as well, it is hard to explain.

I was reading a friend's blog today and I found out that a good friend of mine from college is getting married very soon. I'm so happy for Karyna, but sad that I lost touch with her and have no clue what is going on in her life. I wonder what path she took, and how things turned out. I've come to accept that I can't keep in touch with everyone, but it doesn't mean I can't work harder at keeping up to date generally. There is a lot I can say about Karyna, as a friend she taught me lessons that I probably still don't utilize today, but what I'll never forget is that the way a person seems on the outside isn't always how they are in the inside. You may not understand the person on the inside, but that is because everyone, though so similar, are still so very different.

a better way

The Break

"I thought when love for you died, I should die.It's dead. Alone, most strangely, I live on." -Rupert Brooke

I am now officially done with law school. I turned in my final paper today and now have nothing left to do school wise. It feels great, but also doesn't feel as great as I thought it would feel. Maybe it is like chasing the horizon. You just have this idea of being done and celebrating with your friends or someone you care about. Instead, I really don't have anyone to celebrate with, and though I know a lot of people are happy for me, maybe there isn't gold at the end of the rainbow. I'm glad, but not excited.

My harddrive on my computer failed. It was the second harddrive, so I just lost the files on it and not my operating system, but it still sucks. I figure once I get to Austin I'll try to save what I can and get a new one, but for now it sucks because I can't record TV. Backup your files my friends.

extravaganza

Out of My Hands Now

"The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew." -Abraham Lincoln

My final final is done. It was a late exam, which I am not too fond of, but it is over now so none of that matters anymore. I have a 10 page paper left and then I am done with law school. Luckily, I wrote the paper a while back, so all I need to do is edit it so that it seems somewhat understandable and turn it in so that I can feel the finality of the situation. I plan to get it in on Tuesday, just because I have a trip to campus.

On Tuesday night I went to play poker with Mark and Andrew at Andrew's friend's place. I hadn't played in about two weeks due to finals. It was a good break. It was a $20 buyin and there were 7 players. I ended the night with $116. It was a good night of poker. The interesting thing was that winning made me feel good, but not great. It didn't solve all my problems like I thought it would. It was a good night though and I was proud of my play.

Wednesday was a day of studying, so I won't talk too much about that. Thursday was more studying and then the exam. After I felt loopy and talked to my mom on the phone for a long time.

Now I trying to de-stress and maybe just maybe enjoy myself before I start to worry about the changes to come. Or think about the 40 pounds of books that are waiting for me in Austin. I have a lot of things to take care of before I leave including a lot more packing.

faith