On the Test

You know how when you are little and had new crayons, you protect them and don't want them broken. Well I have been treating my laptop like that. Today I finally broke it. (which reminds me, I should back up my law school files.) I was in class and I put my finger on this little piece
of plastic that sticks up and when you put the monitor down it makes the computer go into standby. (kind of like the light in a fridge.) So I touch it by accident and it breaks off. The means that everytime I close my laptop, it stays on. That isn't good for the battery or laptop. Plus I use a docking station, which means it (the monitor) will be on for the hours it is sitting there. I don't need this stress right now. I call Dell and they can fix it...but I have to mail it n...great...minimum 8 days to get it back and guess what I use it ever single day. I'd buy a laptop for the days I don't have one, but those stupid restocking fees suck.


I've noticed that everyone starts their questions with "So for on the test...[insert question]" So much better than the 3rd grade when we would say "is this going to be on the test" question. Its funny how you see your professor's face completely change and look pissed and annoyed. Stress from school is starting to kick in...all these people freaking out. I've tried to have a laid back attitude about it, but I feel like I just don't know what to work on because when I'm working on one thing I feel like I should be working on another...and somehow I end up doing neither and writing here instead. Nothing like being behind in the race to make you start to walk, lay down and take a nap. Who fights for 200th place ya know. I should probably talk less about my work ethic and actually just work. I feel bad for the people around me in my life right now. This perpetual stress probably hasn't made me too interesting or fun. I still try though, and I can't help being such a cool person. I don't do much, but school, sleep and daily show. Probably more sleep and TV than work, which I need to work on.

Some people are more reliable and dependable than others. I used to hold people (friends/new friends)to a high standard and as friendship grows so as loyalty goes. But I have come to accept that some people are just not as reliable and it's unfair to place that burden on them. The key is that you know they will be reliable for things that are important. I just can't take it personally that they choose not to be reliable to me, making me think that I am unworthy or their respect. Jorge is a good example...he likes to flake on trivial issues (he has gotten better over the years)...but I know he I can count on him for important stuff. This doesn't mean it can't be annoying, but it all has to do with the nature of the friendship because I know to some people I can be a total flake as well. Though that might buy into the fact that I value them less as friends, but that isn't always the case, so I can see both sides. It all comes down to patience and I need to learn to have more patience with people.

Have I mentioned how awesome the daily show is? Because it is. Last night Jon Stewart has the most awesome interview of this Bush campaign guy and started saying the guys talking points for him, and said "sorry I've seen you on other shows." It was cool shit. Fucking parrots. Can't wait to see O'Reilly on the show. Random fact: "Daily Show" viewers are 78 percent more likely than the average adult to have four or more years of college education, while O'Reilly's audience is only 24 percent more likely to have that much schooling. -- Tonight the show is live, so I'm looking forward to that.

So I have this new thing..."Cubans for Kerry." I'm just gonna put that bumper sticker on my car and carry that sign around cause nothing pisses off the Republican Cubans like Cubans for Kerry. Hopefully they will look beyond the Castro thing and take the other issues into consideration. I think that gives you mad credibility, to be Cuban and for Kerry cause then you'll know that to not support Bush must mean that this guy is really bad.

Ok multiple choice question due at midnight...lets get working.

Closed Memo Re-Write

Tuesdays are such long days. I'll probably mention this every Tuesday. Last night, I watched the Cowboys beat the Redskins at Shulas II where I got to meet Miami Dolphin Cheerleaders and won a raffle and got free movie tickets. It was neat cause I was being silly and yelled my number out with the announcer, and it happened to be the same. I got home and worked on my readings for today and started on my Closed Memo re-write. I have a break from 3-6:30 that I use to study, and sometimes to do my research assignments for Wednesday. Today I worked on that Closed Memo Re-write, so I didn't get any of my research assignment done. It is due tomorrow, so once I get out of class at 8pm, I'm going to have go to the library and put in the 2 hours its takes to do this...Hopefully it will be that easy. Then I'll get home late (long day) I'm guessing and I have property and torts to read. Exams are 2 weeks away and I have this Open Memo due in a week that I'm stressing about because its 8-10 pages I haven't even started on. This is a stressful part of the week, but come Friday it's go time with stress over outlines and mid-term studying. Isn't life fun....though I have some really cool things to look foward to.

Wigglesworth

I'm reading my case today in Contracts and one of the parties was named Wigglesworth. The case was about labor unions, so I thought I might have read it in my labor law class in college. I couldn't stop laughing because whenever I think of Wigglesworth, I think of this cat. Its a fat cat standing on its two feet wearing a tuxedo holding a monocle and saying "yessss" as he takes a puff of his pipe and swirls his brandy. To me it is the funniest shit. Well I asked Jorge if he remembered where I heard the name Wigglesworth today (remembering that he found it funny too), and it was actually a dorm at Harvard that rumor had it I was found drunk and passed out at after a conference. Herbert somehow saved me from Wigglesworth and got me home to Ithaca without me having to take a bus. So yeah, reading this case today made me laugh my ass off. "yessss." Wigglesworth...lol.

1st Florida Ticket

I'm on my way to my Monday class and I am running late. Getting off the exit of the expressway and decided to take an illegal turn to bypass the traffic and get to school faster. Well I turned right into a cop who had just pulled a guy over for the same shit. I get to class 10 mins late and to make matters worse I can't even find a parking spot so I park illegally. I hope I don't get another ticket. The $115 is gonna hurt, but I did feel better when a friend from class told me he saw me and almost did the same thing, deciding not to since I was pulled over as an example (along with some other guy.) When I get to property I find out that the painting case I worked my ass off on last night was not even covered and to make matters worse, it won't be covered in our class. What can you do? This will be fun to explain to the bar...me and my crappy tickets. I need to start keeping track of this. Well time to get ready for Torts.

Don't let your memories kill you.

I don't let things go. They just follow me around and stay there as a constant reminder. The funny part is that I'm not a person that regrets things. I have done shit in my life I regret, but they don't bother me enough to where I wish I could have it over to do again. I think if I had things over to do again, I'd follow the same path...probably make a few smaller decisions better, but overall, I wouldn't have learned my lessons another way. It's not an option, so I don't think about it.

I got 2nd place in my 3rd grade science fair. I don't regret it, but I still haven't let it go. I think I lost to some project done by a girls parents, but I feel like had I got 1st place life might be different. I think about an interception in the 8th grade I ran back to the one yard line. I was one yard from scoring and instead of selling out and trying to dive in, I was content with the interception and the 40 year return and just let myself get hit out of bounds at the 1 yard line. I probably played football chasing that moment, looking for my chance at redemption. I just don't let things go. This guy once embarrassed me in the 1st grade and I never let it go. I got my front teeth knocked out in kinder and every fight I almost get into is redemption for that day.

I also have that problem when I love someone. I won't let it go. I won't stop loving them. I had the naive misconception that love was unconditional and therefore, no matter how much someone hurt me, I wouldn't stop loving them. I think caring for a person should be unconditional, but love should be conditional at least with oblivious conditions. The condemns should be based on the reasons you love them and common decency and respect. If a person lies to you, doesn't respect you or cheats on you, then that is a condition to no longer love them since you loved the fact they would be truthful to you, etc. You can still care about them, but to love a person who doesn't want your love or who jhas clearly violated your trust does not make sense.

I always think about the family example and how you have to love your kids unconditionally, which I think is true, but it doesn't mean it should make you blind to the fucked up shit they are doing. It has taken me a long time to learn to not love someone that I loved so immensely for such a long period of time. I can always care for people in my past, but I have more than enough reasons to no longer love them. It doesn't mean I could never love them again, that I will never know, but it does mean I need to give up this ideal bullshit of loving someone forever even if they no longer love me.

Love is an important thing and I can't just be giving it away, a person must earn it and once they have it, it's theirs, until they choose to forsake it. At that point, I'd usually just go on loving them forever like I promised, not letting go, but now I know to let go and stop loving them because not only do they not deserve it, but they don't want it. It benefits no one, and just gives me another thing that I can't just let go of. When people hurt me, I never let it go. I've lost friends over that. So that is my new pledge, to let everything go... grudges, anger, memories, and that 2nd place science fair project.

Huracan

Somehow we have gotten really lucky in Miami because all the hurricanes have missed us. I'm indoors and its raining outside and there should be some wind, but it shouldn't be too bad. I feel bad for the people north of us who keep getting hit. They canceled school for the weekend, which doesn't matter much I guess since there are no classes.

At first Koki was being really spolied, mean and bad. It was like seeing a completely different cat. She hissed for days and even would attack me when I would play with her cutting me and trying to scratch my face or me. I just left her alone because she wasn't too happy. She was being mean to Mia (MEE-AH) at first, but Mia didn't really seem to care and just ignored her. They never fought, so I didn't worry too much. Interestingly, Koki was actually more scared of Mia and would hiss at Mia when she took her bed, but when Mia wouldn't move, Koki gave up and let Mia have it.

Now Koki is doing much much better. Her moods happen less often, and now they actually get along a lot better. They play a little bit, but are still adjusting. Mia is still scared of people and I have been giving her her space and she is eating and drinking well, so I will just let her get more comfortable. She comes out and plays with Koki, but if anyone is around she just hides under the couch or bed. I try not to force the issue and think it is best if I just let her come to me instead of going to her. I just don't know what the best approach to take with her is, and right now I figure its time...and I have a lot of it. Everything is double right now, like amount of food I put out, how much I need to change the litter, vaccuming the apartment. I'm very happy about having Mia, and I think Koki is too.

Cabin Fever

I'm indoors watching college football. The games on aren't anything special so I should probably be putting more time into studying. I met a friend of mine at Chilli's yesterday. It was actually pretty fun....I got to see Aventura Mall, though it was night and it was closed, but now I know how to get there. I also saw this really cool shopping center that was on a lake. There was a nice pier and even a lighthouse. It was a night I totally didn't expect, and therefore was very much welcomed. I have a lot of cleaning to do, but somehow I haven't even gotten around to that. I don't know...I need to get out of the apathetic stage.....though the stage has been going on for years it seems.

Jeanne

At 5pm today we got a Hurricane Warning and an email that our School is closed. That is great, closing our school on the weekend. I'm sure it will be open by Monday. I had planned to spend Saturday at school to work, so now I have to work from home, which will be much less productive.

Marlins v. Philies

I just got back from a Marlins game. It was fun. Marlins lost, but I don't mind, cause it went into extra innings. I got to know 3 law students who I went with a lot better and they were really cool. Now it is time to study for Property, but I'll probably just end up going out. Talk about getting down to business and getting serious about my work. Hopefully it will be fun.

Contracts

So I missed my first day of class on Tuesday. It was my Contracts class. I wasn't prepared and was up late the night before so I didn't want to go in and look like a dumbass if I got called. I had been doing well, but I just got really lost. Guess what? They called on me and I wasn't there. It was a good thing because I missed, but also bittersweet because I missed a day of class. In class today I expected to get called on and I was totally ready, but I wasn't called. That was a good kick in the ass.

Civil Procedure is pretty damn hard and the student panel that talked to us pretty much told us that we need to know all the rules word for word. Part of the exam is multiple choice, and our Dean's Fellow told us that she got 3 out of 50 wrong. She got an A. That is a pretty damn high standard to aim for because today I did 9 practice questions and got at least 4 wrong and some I got luck b/c they were true or false. It sucks that keeping up with the cases and reading isn't enough to even pass. Everytime I start to work harder I find out that i'm still not working hard enough. What fun.

Well I'm off to a Marlins baseball game.

The Practice

I need to get in the practice of writing once again. I figure I'll do little entries and work my way up to longer entries. Let me just get some old writings out of the way. Below as some stuff I typed up but never posted.

August 16, 2004

The world was falling down around me. Below are some topics I was planning to write about.

Work - how that ended.
Apt - entire situation and how I'm now in a 2 bedroom and the fun of getting out of my last one.
Emotionally - where I am in respect to that.
Uhaul - buy insurance I tell you.
Summons - stupid credit.
School - Guess who is in law school.
Move - talk about a big move.
New apt – not qualify - no job makes it hard.
Cell phone - $800 bill, new phone and new number

September 2, 2004

Today is Thursday and we are preparing here for hurricane Frances. Let me do a quick recap on me before I start talking about the happenings of my life. I’m single, and moved in late August to Miami, Florida to go to school at St. Thomas School of Law. I’m living in a two bedroom apartment in Miami Lakes.

So it is my third week of law school. You might think that since my school isn’t ranked (or not anywhere near high), that it wouldn’t be that hard. Man, this shit is hard. My fellow students are very hardworking and I’m going to have to work my ass off to be at the top of my class, which is my goal. I’m taking Property, Contracts, Civil Procedure, Torts and Legal Writing. Property I’m told is the hardest, but so far I feel like I’m getting it, Torts is relatively easy, but I’m not getting anything in class, so its going to be hard for me, Civ Pro is just hard, the Professor is awesome, but it doesn’t matter cause the material is the hardest and Contracts is straight forward, but the professor is very demanding, oh yeah, Writing is going to be a bitch, nothing I can’t handle, but there is no way I’m going to get around the time issue, so I know it will be sucking out my study hours.

Here is my plan, work with the older students who approach law school as a job and just show up at 7am and leave at 7pm…I plan to arrive at 9am (classes start around 10am) and leave at 6pm…which is hard as hell to keep to because when I am done with class I really want to go home. I have a day where I have class until 8pm, so that is a hard day. Instead of trying to outwork all these people, I’m just going to try to understand the shit the best. It might sound silly, but I always think that as long as I’m working I’m keeping up, but lots of times I spend hours reading shit and I don’t get anything, but somehow I feel like the Gods above will grant me knowledge just because I spent all that time reading it. So far I got a lot of motivation, but it is very overwhelming for me right now. I have all kinds of supplement books, which only means more reading.

September 3, 2004

Now it is Friday and the hurricane is much closer. Let me tell you about my adventures of getting water yesterday. I wake up and go to class at 10am and find out my class was canceled. I decide to go to Wal-Mart to get water. That place was packed. I always ask myself if people are inherently good or inherently evil, but I think that when it comes down to self preservations, people can be assholes. You just watch the way people would maneuver their carts around with no regard for the people around them and this is because it was so packed, I felt like I was driving my cart. You would have to wait for your turn to go, and this was just on my way towards the food. People would use their kids as weapons in their arsenal, since they were small and could get around the carts and grab whatever the parent wanted. But what really got me was the situation with the water. There was no water, so people waited in line for the water truck to get there. There was woman with a child in the front of the line and a worker told her to move to the side and when the water got there she would take it to her. So the line is long and I’m near the front having waited almost 45mins to an hour just standing there. The water gets there and they come out and give it to the woman with the baby. People start yelling how it isn’t fair that she gets water first just cause she has a baby, not fucking knowing that the lady was first in line. Then as the water comes out, the line becomes a mass mob and people are pushing and shoving and being assholes trying to get the water. It pissed me off so much, but I just held my ground and got my own water and got out of there. (Note: I waited in line to pay for another hour and watched people cut there too.)

So I really think that hurricane Andrew really traumatized the people of Miami, because they have the fear of God in them when you talk about hurricanes. I guess I have never worried too much about them, but I have also never almost been killed by one, so I probably have a naïve view of them.

I’m pretty much on lockdown in my apartment now, but I haven’t been as productive as if I had class this week. I did do laundry, but no school work. I hope to use this long weekend to get caught up with school and hopefully even get ahead. The problem is that I have a paper due and those I tend to put off, so I am worried about that.

9/5/04

The hurricane attacked Miami like a big teddy bear, but that didn’t change the fact that I was on lock down in my room for the past 3 days. It was much worse for the rest of florida.

Here we go again

I'm using blogger because I don't feel like making a website right now, but I figure I'd better start writing again, because I have a terrible memory and I usually choose to block stuff out really easily. Of course I have a lot of stuff due tonight, and that is why I'm here.