Today I looked at my skin, and I am losing any semblance of my former color. Luckily, I'm naturally tan, but am much lighter than I used to be when I actually got some sun. I guess it is all relative, but even when the sun is out, I am not one to lay out in the sun to get tanned. Maybe this is just another way to bitch about it being 30 degrees outside. I figured I'd mention it because I happened to notice it. I like hot places...but not too hot. I hear great things about San Diego.
I got my first writing grade back. I got good news and bad news. The good news is that I got the second highest grade in the class. That made me feel awesome. The bad news was that I forgot about the assignment and turned it in a day late, which ended up giving me the lowest grade in the class due to the deduction (but I did have company with similar grades.) This is a true test of the moral victory. It was only worth 5% so I'm not going to stress. Project 2 is coming up.
Here is a concern I keep thinking about...do I upset God by my actions and ridcule of stupid Christians. Not in a general sense of worrying about upseting God, cause I don't think in those terms, but in a being a bad Christian type of way. I value my ability to reason and think and maybe use these gifts in ways that might not be fair. Almost any religious talk I hear I tend to file in the bullshit category and worst is that most of that stuff I genuinely feel that way. It pisses me off and makes me angry. A lot of religous talk is stupid...watch the 700 club and count how many times they ask for money or people using Gods name for doing anything. Point being, do I over do it when I attack these people, outloud, in my mind and in my heart.
Here is an example. I was listening to a song the other day about a chick in a car with her daughter in the back seat and her car starts skidding and spinning. So she trusts in the Lord and lets him take the wheel. It is actually a moving song and in the end I did enjoy it for its meaning, but then I think about what it really means. I mean, if she meant, actually letting go of the wheel, then she is negligent and is stupid for risking her baby's life without trying to help. She would deserve to go to jail. That is like trying to heal a person with only prayer when they have a sickness that can be easily cured with medicine (and prayer). So maybe she meant she prayed to God (I'm all for that) and had him guide her hands to help get control of the car. That I'm all for. But she clearly said she let go and let him take the wheel. That is called giving up and blaming God...I don't like it...I think one should ask the Lord to help them not to do their work for them. Sometimes you have to just let go and trust in the Lord, I believe in that too, but you do it when you have done the best you can and there isn't anything left to do but wait. So instead of being redundant, you relax and trust that what happens it out of your hands. So I'm here looking at a song some people will find inspirational and all it ends up doing is pissing me off. It is like the argument that I have the right to dissent, but then I'm called unpatriotic, but I feel more patriotic because I actually think and dissent.
Continuing, I have the problem that I think most people are idiots and they keep trying to prove that I am right. This isn't my way of thinking that I'm better than anyone else because the Lord knows the company I keep makes me truly understand how much more I could know and how smart so many people are. But still, when people act stupid, I get angry. People act stupid over religion more than anything because they feel they have devine justification for their actions -- nothing is more harmful than that. Not all people, but some and in our country it seems like a lot. They use the name of the Lord to damn people to hell to promote their agendas and to get rich by giving people what they need most...meaning and hope. So I always view the topic with much skeptism and approach it that way. The thing is, sometimes a little fiction isn't harmful, it can be positive and make people feel better and why be the party pooper. Why tear down people's dreams and beliefs if they are doing no harm (other than being wrong in my view). Here is an example, assuming I'm right and I believe in the correct God, Buddists under this assumption would be clearly wrong. So I could go in and say how stupid they are, but that religion seems to have such positive benefits and great teachings. So their fiction (in my view) is a positive thing. Can't I treat Christianity in the same way in areas that are not blatantly offensive?
I remember seeing a famous person on tv talking about his drug use and he said something about where he got to the point where he had to take drugs to feel awake and drugs to fall asleep. At first I couldn't understand that because it made me think, well how can you have the problem of not being able to sleep and not being able to stay awake at the same time. I think I get it now. I feel this way now, I feel like I need caffinee to stay away and have such trouble falling asleep. I feel like I have the problems a lot of students have, but not because I'm up late studying, but just because I can't sleep. I've been getting a lot better lately and my hope is to one day wake up and just feel awake and alert (after those 10mins of drowsiness time.)
"I would say..." is a term I use and hear a lot in law school as an answer. It is a way of distancing yourself from your statement. If you are right, well you are right great...if you were wrong...well it was only what you "would say" not what you actually think or did say. It is a small difference, but nothing feels worse than being wrong. There is a limit to this...like saying well on the one and and on the other...that is stupid...pick a side and then maybe attack the other side a bit just to show you know of it so they can't come back with that.
a tiger can never change its stripes
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