The Donahey Wedding Experience

"Well, to say you stop loving someone you once loved more than anything else in the world would be a lie, but you move on, don't you, you have to move on." - Cal Lightman, Lie to Me, 6/21/10 "The Whole Truth"

Everyone wants that fairytale romance, but few people find it, and most come to believe it to be only an illusion. Mark and Ashley have found that in each other and it is more than apparent in the love that they share. I am so genuinely happy for both of them. Two impressive people and in the case of Mark, who I know well, a rare and great person.


In celebration of this love, this past weekend I went to Louisville, Kentucky for my friend Mark’s wedding, known as the Rainahey Wedding (Rainey-Donahey). Mark was my housemate from DC and I consider him one of my closest friends. I met Mark when I was working in DC. I had a good friend who quit work to go to law school in Miami, and Mark was hired in his place. I would joke to Mark that he was the new Fed and took my friend’s job. The more I got to know Mark, the more awesome I found him to be and it made sense when I was looking for a housemate to ask him. We lived together about a year before I decided to follow in my friend Fed’s footsteps and go to law school in Miami. One of the hardest parts about leaving friends behind in DC was not getting to hang out with Mark on a daily basis. That was harder the second time I left.
After a year away, I transferred back to DC to attend George Mason Law. Lucky enough, Mark was looking for a roommate, so we became housemates again. Mark had now moved up to this awesome job which even now I have trouble explaining. I spent the next two years in DC and my 3rd year of law school, Mark started his first year at George Mason Law. It was a blast.

The how is less important than how awesome of a friend Mark is. This guy is by far one of the smartest people I know. He possesses a gift for explaining really complicated things in simple ways. As I heard said about him at the wedding, he is the type of person that acts good even when nobody is watching. We had some great memories, from conversations about politics, Notre Dame and social interaction to hours and hours of talk and practice of poker. He was a natural and I learned so much from him. I even went to see him compete in the World Series of Poker. A great conversationalist, and a jack of all trades. When I moved to Texas shortly after law school, little did I know he about to meet the love of his life.

It is now three years that I have been away and it is his wedding, an event that I would not miss. I was honored to be asked to be a groomsman and looked forward to meeting the famous Ashley who Mark talked so fondly about. She was so special, I learned about her right after they met. They were smitten at first sight. The story is a good one, and you should read about it at their Wedding Site. You should start in the About Us section and work your way down.

As a visual background, here are my photos from the trip and wedding. http://www.flickr.com/photos/hyadus/sets/72157624375664938/ I can't wait to see the professional photos taken.

Friday morning, June 25th, I woke up at 4am to catch a flight to Louisville, Kentucky. I had to make a connection, but the trip wasn’t too long. Arriving in Louisville, I was greeted by an awesome Maker’s Mark advertisement. If you know me, you know this is my drink of choice. I was introduced to it in DC in about 2002 and it has been my go to bourbon ever since. I wouldn’t have time to visit the actual factory, but I’ll be back to dip my own bottle soon enough.

I stayed at the Seelbach Hilton which was an older swanky hotel. I’m a fan of hotel rooms for some reason. The first thing I did was walk around the downtown area seeing all the bars that they had in the 4th Street area. It was very much a sight during the day and I would soon find out quite the event at night.

Finally, I got to see Mark, and it was like picking up where we left off. Mark, Dan, and Mark’s childhood friend Mark P. all went to pick up our tuxes. We chatted and joked and I got the highlights from his bachelor party from the night before, and the, what I imagine to be, sordid stories about the fun at the bachelorette party. It was great seeing Dan as well, I met him and his wife Thea through Mark during law school. They are awesome individuals and then step it up a level as an awesome team. I spent a lot of time with them during the wedding and they are so gracious and fun.

After taking care of our tuxing and a driving tour of Louisville by Mark, we returned to the hotel and decided to get a quick bite to eat to hold us over. Dan took us to this hotdog stand called Red’s Comfort Food. I had, for the first time, a Chicago style hotdog and my life was forever changed. Ok, well not really, but it was a great hotdog.

Then it was time for the Rehearsal at the church. I suited up for what would be a fun night. This is where I got to meet the other Groomsmen, many who I had met before and many more who I knew many stories about and felt like I knew them. Mark and Dan dressed in Seersuckers since they are both Virginia lawyers. It was awesome.

This was the moment I finally got to meet Ashley. Talk about a lovely bride. I was finally able to put a voice and person to countless stories during their journey together. She looked wonderful and this was only the rehearsal. Looking at Mark in his seersucker and Ashley in her white rehearsal dress, it very well could have been their wedding day, but they were only a day away.

I also got to meet the other groomsmen and bridesmaids. There was Mark's brother Mike, John V., who I once visited with in DC, Brent, who created this love spark by introducing the two, Dave P. from DC who I was happy to hear was also engaged, and Mark P. who knew Mark since he was little.

After the church, it was time for the rehearsal dinner. They had a private room at Z’s Fusion and the food was fantastic. We got the long version of the best man and maid of honor speeches that were very touching. You learn a lot about people from the stories their friends share. Mainly in what great esteem they are held. The open bar was welcomed and I loaded up on bourbon since, when in Rome.

It was a great time to see a lot of people again and meet some new faces. I must say, Mark and Ashley carry some good company. All stellar people, who not only have ridiculous amounts of education and fantastic jobs, but genuinely good down to earth people. You always read that successful and happy people surround themselves with the same and this seems to be the case. Both their families were so gracious and accommodating. Both their parents had strong lasting relationships that provided great role models for their children. I enjoyed their stories.

The night progressed to a bar called Proof. It was an art gallery and a bar which made it interesting. It was very nice. Here I got to see everyone else, including Scott and Heather from law school, Jim and his wife Michelle (who is now a private practice doctor) and met some new friends as well. Bars close at 4am in Louisville, so when the night was called, I thought I would be going home to rest up.

Instead, as I was stumbling to the hotel alone, I walked through 4th Street and saw that everything was still going on. I noticed that they had a Howl at the Moon Piano bar, so I made my way there. I love a good piano bar. There were some folks from other weddings celebrating, so I hung out with them. It was a fun night and it felt great to be able to walk back to my room instead of worrying about the driving issue.

Saturday, June 26th, was the big day. I slept in to work off the night before and be adequately prepared for the night to come. I even ordered room service for breakfast. It was also the day before Ashley’s parents 40th wedding anniversary, which made the day that much more special for them.

I met up with everyone to watch the USA World Cup match at a bar and had some good conversations with Dan and Dave. Mark showed up and was a bit stressed. The most awesome thing was that he wasn’t stressed in the least about getting married, that he wanted more than anything, it was the event, the making sure he did everything right on this most perfect day.
We had to leave at half time to get tuxed up, so I watched the 2nd half from my room. I did not know I would soon be disappointed by the US. We made our way to the church and I caught the overtime on my phone slingplayer.

It was time for the wedding. I helped out as an usher and helped seat people. Dave P was great at this, a stand up gentleman, escorting people to their seats. I just told people which side was which. I walked to the back room where Mark was be sequestered and he was there with his best man reading a letter that Ashley had written about him. I watched as he was completely moved and then quickly left to let him finish. This moment was later talked about by the best man at the reception and how much the letter moved Mark.

The groomsmen gathered in the side room and got pumped up. John V. had a great "Sunday, Sunday, Sunday" announcer voice he did and really wanted confetti and t-shirt cannons going off was we came out. Such a great character he was. It was an energetic and enjoyable juxtaposition to the reserved tone of such an important event. We all walked out took our places. The bridesmaids looked wonderful and the men were sharp as nails. I was honored to be up there with them.

Then the music started and the bride started walking out with her father. Ashley looked very beautiful. It was the first time Mark laid eyes on the dress she so carefully picked. Every eye was on her and the lighting in the church was enhanced by the sunshine coming through the stain glassed windows. Mark never looked happier. I'd share pictures, but I was busy looking groomsman like. I can't wait to see these professional pictures.

They looked perfect together. There were two readings, one was a reading of a letter Mark Twain wrote to his fiancée before they were married read by Mark's friend John O. It was moving and I wish I had it here to reproduce for you. The Pastor did a great job and decided to share with the couple excerpts of letters they each wrote to him on why they loved the other person. This was extremely moving and brought tears to my eyes, not a simple task considering they had not been able to produce tears since my Lasik the week before. This was my favorite part of the wedding. I was in awe of the true love I was witness to. It is what everyone aspires to and you could see they had found it.

Everyone talks about how much the grooms and brides are in love and perfect for each other, but in Mark and Ashley’s case, this is most truly a reality. I have rarely even seen two people so much in love and perfect for each other. And this comes from hearing just about how he talked about her over the years and was confirmed watching them together. It is a sight that brings real joy to the heart. I am so very happy for Mark that he found her and know that Ashley has found a pretty amazing guy who I'm proud to have as a friend.

After the wedding, it was time to celebrate. We headed over to the reception. There was an introduction of the wedding party to the tune of Rocky. I was unprepared for such an entrance and tried to spontaneously improvise to the best of my ability. It was so much fun. The dinner was superb.

The Best Man and Maid of Honor speeches were heartfelt and great, and I don't know how they came up with new material after giving the toasts the night before. When it was time for the first dance, they danced to Halo by Beyonce. It was a great choice. Here is a clip. (http://flic.kr/p/8dS7Y6)

The rest of the night consisted of an open bar, lots of dancing and socializing. I got to spend time with Dan and Thea, a couple that proves that married people can be not only a lot of fun, but great friends. There was Scott and Heather who I was able to catch up with after so many years. I didn't know them that well, but I feel like I know them a lot better now. Dave and his fiancée were happy to indulge me in sharing their love story, which I always enjoy. Having just met Brent and his wife Becca, I confirmed what I had heard, they were cool as shit. It was also nice to see Jim and his wife Michelle and meet John O. Like I have said, Mark travels in a stellar group of friends and these might just be a list of names to most, but were pretty cool people.

I even met some of Ashley's friends. I grouped them into family/home friends, Michigan friends, and DC friends, though it was completely arbitrary. The foreign service grad students were awesome. At one point they broke into German and I was extremely impressed. They knew a lot of languages and had interesting backgrounds. It was a bit hard to fully understand what they are going to be, but they did a good job of explaining. They may be spies one day I have concluded and they have denied, which would be super cool. I even met a Cornell alumni who sang Ave Maria at the wedding which sounded amazing.

At one point a guy, Ryan I think, asked us to all sit down behind each other in a line. I didn't know why, but I did it anyway. we looked like this. <<<<<<<< (top view - one guy = <). Then he ran at the group <--- and crowd surfed all the way down the line. It was pretty awesome and everyone took a turn. I would love to see pictures of this. Even the groom and bride got to crowd surf. It was a pretty creative idea and by the end my arms where shot, but it was super fun.

I also must give credit to the DJ. He was very good and took requests. It was nice to see how a professional DJ operates. He ended the night like most bars do, with Journey's Don't Stop Believing. As great as the song is, I really enjoy the ending to the Glee version where it ends with "Don't Stop."

Here is an interview on how Mark proposed. (http://flic.kr/p/8dS45H)

Scott set up the after party at the Seelbach Bar and I got to start the whisper campaign. We all met up there and I continued my bourbon binge. Mark and Ashley joined us and we closed the place down at about 2am. I tried to be as social as possible and meet as many people as I could. As they excused themselves to the Seelbach Suite, which I hear was awesome, those still brave enough, continued the night on 4th Street. We went to the Social Club and hung out there. By this point I really wore out my tux. I'm glad it was rented. Thea made a poignant comment during the night, she said, "it is ok to have a good time." Probably a comment on my propensity to forget to smile when I'm happy. She is a wise one.

Then the night came down to Dan, Thea, Eric and myself standing in the middle of 4th street. They knew I wanted to go to the piano bar, so since Marty wanted it, they decided to push on. Unfortunately, it doesn't stay open until 4am, but the gesture meant everything to me. We went back to the hotel room and parted ways with promises that I'll visit DC much sooner than the 3 years I've been away.

Sunday morning, I was less hungover than I expected, but maybe it hadn't been long enough. I flew back home and had time to rest before having to come to work the next day. It was an experience, one I'm glad I was able to be a part of.

There is so much to the story that I don't know, so much shared I never saw, but even from just my conversations with Mark over the years and watching them together these past few days, what I see between them is amazing and hope inspiring. I think that says a lot and they are both very lucky to have each other.

I wish them all the happiness and bliss in the world, something they have been enjoying for the past few years.

Marty's photos from the trip.

effort is not always half the battle

Claire Bear -- now Chloe

"Life all comes down to a few moments. This is one of them." - Bud Fox, Wall Street (1987)

I'm finally back at work after my four day weekend after my Lasik. It went by really fast, but I think my healing is going well. I did a lot of resting and my life consists of many many drops. I even got to finally see the 1987 movie Wall Street. I thought it was pretty good and had a great message at the end. Here are are few quotes that I liked:

Carl Fox: Money's only something you need in case you don't die tomorrow...
Bud Fox: There's no nobility in poverty.
Gordon Gekko: You gonna tell me the difference between this guy and that guy is luck? [points at a bum and businessman]

I tried to skip the more famous ones. I'm looking forward to Wall Street 2 now. I must say, I could really identify with the not being able to pay off the student loans part. To think this movie was made before Enron, the financial collapse and debt swaps.

I feel like it is time to get back to life as normal, but it feels anything but. I feel like I need to make as many changes as possible to see how many will stick. There are so many things that are part of my normal routine, now that putting on contacts is no longer one, maybe I have time for something positive to fill that time with. I have been thinking this way for the past five years and I have to admit, I've made many great changes in my life, but there is always so much more I can do.

So I have a lot of old glasses frames with lenses. I know the lenses are useless, but the frames are good and in many cases cost a lot of money. I have two Ray-Ban frames, one I plan on giving to my sister and the other on selling. But that leaves years of old glasses just sitting there in a box. There is a donation box at Wal-mart where I can throw them in, but in my mind I'm donating hundreds of dollars since that is what they are all worth. Most likely I'll just do that, I'll donate them, but I have trouble parting with old things. I think I still have some old cell phones from college. Those should be recycled. I hope I'm not a person that hords things. The plan is next week to take them all down, but in the meantime, if you have any ideas, let me know.

I got a new puppy. I named her Claire for now. [Update: I think I'm going with Chloe.] She is Max's daughter. I don't know why, but when I saw her, it was the name that came to me. I broke my rule of not giving dogs people names, but for some reason it fit. It is still in the tentative stage though, I might change it, but if a week passes and a better name doesn't hit me, Claire-bear it is. Though, I could call her Clara instead. I think she is adorable and right now I'm working on house training her. So far Marty 0, wet carpet 2. Let's hope for better results today. Here is the picture of the adorable girl.

My friend Christina picked her up for me from the Valley on her trip up. It was very kind of her to do this favor for me. I'm a lucky guy to have such good friends. I took Maddie to her and we traded pets in San Antonio. It was hard to part with Maddie, she is a great kitten. A joy to have around and so adorable. She even cried when I left her. I do feel confident that she is going to a loving home, and like I have said before, I have enough pets already. Here is a picture of Maddie this weekend laying on my chest. Look at those adorable boots.

I did finally get to meet Maddie's mom, well a stray cat that I think is her mom. She is an orange tabby and was out outside my house. I let her in and gave her food and water, but she wanted none of it, which means she is being fed somewhere else. You could tell she had been nursing, but her reunion with Maddie was not like I expected. She didn't want much to do with her, which could mean that she isn't her kitten or that they have been apart for too long. In either case, I'm no longer worried that someone is missing their kitten. I let Maddie's mom out and she went about her way.

I'm still healing from the surgery and one of the things I was warned about was seeing halos and starbursts around lights at night. I can attest that this is true. I'm told it goes away, or at least gets better. It is very annoying and for the time being I'm not going to drive at night. For the day time I have my sunglasses, which are very helpful. I want to be completely healed already.

I wished my father a Happy Father's Day on Sunday, but we pretty much celebrated on Friday when he was in town. Dads are somewhat under appreciated compared to moms and I think there is good reason for that in many cases. I have to say though, Dads already have to share father's day with Grads (see Grad's and Dad's signs at stores), I don't think they should have to share it with single moms too. Many of my friends and family members are single moms and to me it just feels super common and I don't know how someone could handle that much responsibility. I understand the idea that a mom has to be both a mom and a dad to a child, but single moms still get Mother's day to celebrate their effort. You can't try to take father's day too. You don't see single dads or widowers trying to partake in mother's day. Then you'll have grandmothers, widows, mentors and older sibling sisters being celebrated on Father's day too? Dads, Step-dads, foster-dads, grandpas shouldn't keep having their special day watered down. It just seems infinitely regressive to try to expand it to others just because you might not be happy with the biological father. Then don't wish him one, I mean, it is pretty common sadly that there are absent fathers. I guess everyone can celebrate in their own way, but I think dads are important and should get their day. Yes, this is akin to that imaginary war on Christmas the Right loves to cry about, so I see how petty I sound, and I admit I'm being that, but I might be a dad one day, and I want my special day to mean something.

Today my mother had a minor surgery, and I note that it is surgery, so I don't consider it to be minor. My older sister told me that it went find and that she is now home re-cooperating. I hope she feels better. I'm sure soon she will be feeling a lot better. It is hard not to worry about that kind of stuff and I'm hoping everything is going to be much better.

emotional reactions

Post-Op Success and New Sunglasses

“The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.” - Hellen Keller

I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to write this because I wasn't sure how fast my eyes would heal. I was surprised at how quickly I was able to see after the surgery. I had terrible eye sight, like if I were born during the days of hunting and gathering, I would for sure die pretty quickly due to not seeing oncoming attacks. I'm also pretty sure my allergies would have done me in as well. But I was lucky enough to be born in a time where glasses existed (and contacts) and then when lasers existed that could fix my eyes.

Here is how my experience went. On Wednesday I had to put drops in my eyes to prepare for the surgery on Thursday. I noticed that I don't like eye drops, but from what I hear, I'm gonna have to learn to like them because I'll be using a lot of them over the next few months if not longer.

I woke up early on Thursday, surgery day, and my dad drove me to the doctor. I was there for about two hours, but the whole procedure only took about 15-20 mins. They took me in and numbed my eyes. I was happy to take my Valium and I tried not to think about things. They had a lot of people they were working on that morning, so I sat in a waiting room for a while while the drops took hold. I just kept trying not to think about it. There rest is my subjective experience of the surgery.

Finally, they called me in and laid me down and put in a lot more drops. It was time for the first of the two lasers. Here they had to create the flap on my cornea, which they move, then treat with the second laser, put back and bam you are done. Luckily, the eye heals very quickly. So, there is this suction feeling on your eye, it doesn't hurt, but it is a bit uncomfortable. I will say the bed side manner of all the doctors was very good and made me feel very comfortable. While it was doing its work and they were counting down, at 3 or 2 they lost suction. This scared me very much, but I tried to remain calm and not say anything since I trusted the doctors. He was able to fix the flap, but all I could think was that I didn't want to be the exception where things go wrong. Then they did my left eye and it went off without a problem. For some people it goes black I was warned, and I was one of those people. Not too scary when you know it is coming. They then moved me and let me rest for a few minutes before moving me to the second laser. The first one is the hard part, but the second one they put this thing to hold your eye open that is uncomfortable I will admit, but you are almost there. Very Clockwork Orange. The laser you don't feel at all and it is just like looking at colors. Then before you know it, they are done, they cover the flap and they tape these goggles to your eyes and send you home. Other than the valium's sleepy effects, I was fine.

I came home and went right to bed and slept. The rest of the day I was supposed to not read or watch TV, but I did since I was excited. I was able to see as soon as I left, but it was a bit foggy, which is normal I'm told. When I woke up I was pretty impressed with my ability to see. The world was so clear, but I had to peek out the goggles which I had to keep on until the next morning. I removed them for putting in drops and that was when I got a preview of what was to come and I felt very good. I will say, it feels like I'm always wearing contacts. That is the closest experience I can compare it to. Funny way to put it I guess.

Most people go into work the next day, but I decided to take that day off too since I deserved it. I wanted to deal with everything at home without the stress of work. So, Friday morning, I had my one day post op exam and they said everything was healing fine, but I didn't ask how my vision tested. I have my one week on Wednesday where I will be sure to ask. It was so quick that I felt bad for having my father come with me. After, we went to the mall to buy a pair of sunglasses. I've never been a big fan of sunglasses because I'm either wearing glasses or contacts; and if contacts, I don't want the glasses feeling. The surgery did leave me a bit sensitive to light (temporary effect), so it was a good idea.

I found a nice pair of Maui Jim's. Abram recommended the brand. I think the model is called Shoreline. I'm not that good at picking out glasses, but over time I'm sure I'll get better. Here they are below.
They are pretty sweet I think and I hope to get a lot of use out of them. The rest of my time has been consumed with making sure I take my drops at the appropriate times and taking extra rest. I have a nice pair of Ray-Ban glasses I never used, but bought a year ago and thought were fake, but when I took them in, I found out that they were indeed real. I guess I should treat them a bit better now. It was like getting two pairs of glasses for one. I know the logic doesn't make sense, but it made me feel better.

On Friday night, my Dad and brother BBQed in the backyard. My dog Max, who now lives at my mom's house, had puppies because we thought my Mom's dog was way too old to have more puppies. There were four and my dad brought two up so I could pick one and raise. There was Girl Max and Brown Max as I dubbed them. I didn't want to give them real names until I decided which I wanted as to not get attached. I had my heart set on Girl Max because she looked like Max, but I discovered that she had a herniated umbilical cord, and I was concerned there could be complications after I got her surgery for it. Brown Max was the alpha male of the puppies and quite a character, but for some reason I didn't quite take a bond to him. Maybe I was still disappointed about girl max. So, I sent both puppies back home with my father and am planning on taking another one I call White Max, but will most likely name Claire. I have to spend some time with her to decide. Everyone loves puppies, and as of late I'm in a world of puppies and kittens.

I'm still fostering Maddie the kitten and my friend might come and pick her up this weekend. She is a great kitten and everyone likes her. Even my father offered to take her home with him if my friend backed out. It's not that people want kittens, it just something about Maddie that makes her extra adorable. I will say that I was glad she was busy hanging out with my dad because it made it easier for me to sleep. I'm gonna miss her when she is gone, but my cats Koki and Mia will be happy she is gone. They do not play well with others.

There are a few more details about the surgery that I don't want to talk about because it would just seem like complaining and I wouldn't want to discourage anyone from getting the procedure done because of a few negative comments specific to my case. Nothing big, just small stuff like some bruising, etc. If you know me, I'm sure I've told you a lot of the details and more than you probably care to know about it. If I had it to do again, I would for sure do it. Now, after I saw a video online of a person getting it done and all I could think was, Thank God I did not watch the video. It looks scarier from the outside looking in than from the inside looking out. The fear of watching some needle getting closer and closer to my eye was such a made up fear I don't know why I thought about it that way. I don't know, that is how I always imagined it. (No needles) If you are thinking about doing it, and can get the financing, I'd recommend it, and this is only day 3. Ask me again in a few months for a more reasoned opinion, but any small inconveniences and temporary side effects outweigh not being able to see well at all in the first place. I'm the biggest chicken when it comes to needles and blood, and thank goodness there were none of those things to deal with. The truth is that everyone I've ever talked to that got it only says great things and so far it is panning out. The care afterwards I worried about, but it isn't too bad and this is the worst part I'm sure.

I'm sure I'll share my updates over the weeks and months, but 3 entries so far on this is quite enough for the time being. I'm enjoying my 4 day weekend and have gotten in a lot of great World Cup games. I'm very excited for Mexico. Ok, well I'm off to put in some more re-wetting drops and rest my eyes, since writing this on a computer screen is probably not the brightest idea.

time to be bolder

The Day Before I Buy Sunglasses

"A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her." -Oscar Wilde

I ran into this quote the other day and I thought it was telling. It is probably not the best sign of emotional maturity when I believe this quote to be as profound as I think it is. I do appreciate the fact that if you rigidly reduce your capacity to experience pain you inevitably reduce your capacity to experience joy and pleasure. I'm think we are all for being happy and that I must say is always my focus. That Oscar Wilde has some great quotes.

So tomorrow I'm getting Lasik surgery. As I mentioned in my last entry, I'm pretty nervous about it, but I'm also super excited. On Tuesday, I went in to get my eyes dilated in my pre-op exam. I don't have a great camera and my eyes are brown, so it is hard to see, but my pupil was huge.

You know, dilated pupils are a sign of attraction (though I admit I never look for it), like when cartoons fall in love and their eyes turn all black and big, so seeing this, you might think I'm super crazy about the person I'm looking at.

Everything checked out, but my drive home was uncomfortable, even with the sunglass thingys they gave me for my glasses. When your eyes are dilated the sun and all light is super bright. I had to stop at Walmart to get my eye drops and I felt like an idiot wearing those things. Here is a picture of what I had to wear until I got home.

I felt like one of the three blind mice. The brown one on the left of course.This just cements in my mind that I need a good pair of sunglasses. Of course, they sell some there at the doctor's place, so I'll probably pick up a pair of over priced Maui Jim's on my one day post-op and then later take my time to pick a pair I really like. I shouldn't get ahead of myself though, I still haven't even had the surgery.

My dad is driving up from the Valley for my surgery. At first I thought this would be unnecessary since it is an outpatient thing and you can go to work the next day. The thing is that it ended up working out pretty well because I need a person to drive me from the surgery and to my one day post op exam. He will also be bringing up a puppy that I'm considering keeping. No matter how old you get, parents will always be parents.

Pre-ordering my iPhone 4 was a major pain. I spent many many hours trying to get in online, but the whole thing was a mess. I was finally able to get my iPhone 4 ordered at almost 7pm having first tried at 8am and then for hours after. Now I just need to be home or have a person home on June 24th to sign for my new phone. Hopefully it will be ready to go just in time for my trip to Kentucky. I'm glad I finally got my order in because now they are not available for pre-order until July 14th. I don't think I could have waited that long, especially since I skipped the 3GS which was not easy for me.

The NBA Finals are in game 7 on Thursday night. I went for LA last night, but on Thursday night I'll be cheering for the Celtics. Boston has a good track record when they have me on their side. (ie the World Series.) I will admit that I think that LA is a better team and that Kobe might be one of the greatest players ever, but man I hate the Lakers, almost as much as the Yankees. I'm a fan of the underdog. It has been an enjoyable Finals even though I feel like I missed most of the season. Once this is over, I'll only have World Cup soccer to hold me over until the NFL this fall.

Trueblood has started again on HBO. I just saw the season 3 premiere the other night. I like the show, but I'm not a fan of this whole vampire craze that got energized by Twilight. Still, HBO knows how to put on a great series. I don't find the gap in Anna's teeth endearing, but who I am to say. The introduction of werewolves should make it interesting and I'm glad the last story line is finally over.

my last day where I can't see the alarm clock

Lasik Anxiety and Excitement

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts." - Bertrand Russell

I'm glad I got a good primer of World Cup soccer so many years ago starting in the 1998 World Cup because, if not, I don't think I would be able to appreciate the ties that were Mexico v. South Africa and USA v. England. Both games were good, but there is something about a tie that leaves you unfulfilled. I'm not the biggest soccer fan, but I have put in my time learning the players names and all the rules. I can enjoy the playoffs of any sport and I'm genuinely excited about this World Cup. My emotional favorite is Mexico, but I'll be cheering for the USA.

A lot of the World Cup games are on during work which sucks, but thank goodness for TiVo. I feel like even on my large HDTV it is too zoomed out. I wish there were two cameras, one for up close action and one for the larger view. Maybe I have been spoiled from playing the FIFA video game.

Here is the USA v. England game in Legos. Pretty awesome.

My friends Jorge and Michelle are expecting their baby girl this summer. This is very exciting and they are going to be wonderful parents. They had initially planned to attend the World Cup in South Africa this year, but had to change plans because of their daughter. It is a great trade off if you ask me, but Jorge recently posted the best status update ever: "I will not even so much as shake my wife's hand during the 9 months leading up to Brazil 2014." That had me laughing for quite some time.

Here is my update on my found kitten Maddie. My detective skills tell me she is a stray. I have provided a good home for her in the meantime. She is adorable and has taken a real liking to me. Kittens are great, but they get into everything. We have formed a pretty strong bond and as much as I would like to keep her, the best thing for me, and for Maddie is a new home. Two cats is already two more than I should have. My friend Christina is going to adopt her from me, but I will continue to foster her until she gets back from her business trip. She is going to a good home.

The last week with Maddie brought back a lot of memories of kittens I have raised, some more so than others. (In some cases I was the primary caretaker and others like the dad you visit during the summers.) First there was my cat Koki, who changed my view on cats forever. When my then girlfriend brought her home, I quickly fell in love and even though Koki is a full grown cat, I'll always see her as a kitten. I have yet to meet a cat as special to me as Koki. She used to attack everything, especially toes. My favorite thing she would do was "belly rub," where I would get home, say "belly rub" and she would roll over. We got out of the habit I regret. Then there were many kittens that were not mine, but that I would like to say, I played a role in their upbringing and sometimes naming. There was Atari, who was orange and was so energetic despite being ill. Mocha, who I never got to really bond with. I can't forget Jasper and Bella who were brother and sister and grew into huge cats with super long tails. My 2nd cat Mia, I got as a young cat, not really a kitten, and of all my experiences with cats, with her it was completely different. She was always more scared and frightened, but really loves her food. I was able to win her over, but it took years. Man, I have had a lot of cats come through my life with Maddie being the most recent.

Saturday night, I went downtown with some friends for my friend Jamie's going away party. Oscar and Danny's friends are pretty cool and I always enjoy hanging out with them. We even went to this one bar that had a shark aquarium under the dance floor. I also met up with Abram and a friend at Kung Fo Saloon. I had never been there before. It was pretty neat, very 80s with all the games. When I went it was late, so it was just a crowded bar, but I'm sure when it is less crowded, the games are fun to play.

So I pulled the trigger and I will be getting my Lasik surgery this Thursday. I'm sure I will update you on my experiences. It is funny because even though I have always wanted to get Lasik, it wasn't until I saw a post on FB about someone that got it that I decided to just make it happen. I am a bit nervous even though I'm told I have nothing to worry about. So here is the plan, this Thursday, I'll be going in and getting my eyes corrected and then go home and sleep. They are going to take a huge chunk of money from me, and financially it isn't the best decision, but I think it will be very much worth it. Check out this picture below. Cool, but still scary looking.
The first thing I'm going to do afterwards is invest in a good pair of sunglasses. I've owned sunglasses before, but I rarely use them. If I'm wearing contacts, then I don't want glasses on and prescription sunglasses never really worked for me. Too bad I recently bought progressive lenses online, but I hardly use them anyway. I remember when I got contacts in the 8th grade and how awesome that was. This should be much cooler than that.

The other day I saw this comedy video on the BP Oil Spill that made me laugh. Too bad the reality of what is really happening is devastating. Comic geniuses.

Finally, the iPhone 4 pre-orders start tomorrow. I'm excited. I'm going to be sure to order mine. I'm not sure exactly how the process works, but it shouldn't be hard I hope. Once I have my order in, I'll feel better and then the waiting until June 24th can begin. The day before I take

I bet her rendition of Journey would be great

Found: Lost Kitten

“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.” - Jim Rohn

Tuesday night I hear a noise from outside and when I went to check, I saw a kitten crying. I looked around for other kittens, another cat or a person I could ask. It was empty and quiet. Part of me thought I would just leave the cat outside, but it was so small and a thunderstorm was coming. I brought her inside and made a poster that said: Found: Lost kitten. Koki and Mia were not pleased, but they are usually not happy with new pets. I named her Maddie (after Rachel Maddow) and gave her food and water. I would love to keep her, but I have too many animals already. I'm trying to convince a friend of mine to take her if I can't find the owners and she is thinking about it. For now I'll put up posters and see who responds.

Update: Thursday morning I ran into a neighbor and he told me that there was a mother cat and two kittens hanging out at his house. He had been feeding them. He said in that this morning the mother cat came around without any kittens. This makes me think that Maddie is a stray and not a run away kitten from a nice home like I was imagining.

I'm excited about the FIFA World Cup starting on Friday. I'll hopefully be sneaking a watch of Mexico's game while I'm at work. I'll be cheering for the USA and Mexico, but mainly I just care to see good games. I'll never forget my first World Cup back in 1998 when I started college. Herbert got me into it. Ever since I have watched every 4 years and each time vowed to attend the next one. This should be exciting.

A year ago I was running each day and working out. I was able to increase my pull ups from 2 when I started to 15 over a few months. Well now I'm back to square one. I can do one painful pull up and running does not go well. I hate the feeling of starting over. It sucks to lift weights when your mind remembers being able to lift so much more with such ease. I could do this daily for a year and still not be back to where I was 5 years ago. That really saps my motivation, but at the same time, you have to start somewhere and it is this type of thinking that has let my health deteriorate to this degree. The worst part is that I've written about this very thing before. The topic even bores me. I just hate to think about the cycle, I'll do this until August and then slack off and get back to square one. It's a discouraging thought. We'll see.

Maria has been on my mind a lot as of late. After one of my last entries my friend sent me an email that made some really poignant observations that really struck a chord. I wanted to share some of them. She stated:

"you know, i think the hardest part is the silence that remains when someone passes away. some people might think its not being able to see someone again but I dont think that is really the case because you can always remember the image of them in your mind. they never cease to exist in that way, but for me, its the sound of their voice--the memory of sound seems so much harder to retain. when i reflect on my deceased relatives, I can remember them quite vividly but at some point my memory of their voices fades. i can remember conversations had, but never the way they sounded to me when they said it. i wonder why this is. after the passage of time they sort of just become images, mirages. "

"i think that must be very hard for you too because your relationship was so centered on the opposite of silence--sound, communication, sharing, laughter. not being able to see her in some way must feel normal because of the way you led your lives, but not being able to dial her and hear a response on the other side is part of where i assume the devastation would lie. the last memory i have of her is of hearing her, talking to her with you. i very much remember the sound of her smile. "

She put into words a lot of the thoughts that I have been dealing with. It the communication I will miss, the sound of her voice. It isn't a good comparison, but that is also how it feels when a relationship ends, you miss a lot of things, but the communication is the part you miss the most. I feel like I'm looking at phone ready to call her and I have to remember she isn't there. I can't bring myself to delete her number. My friendship with Maria was based on communication and her ability to relate in conversations we had. I'm really going to miss that. I hope I don't take communication from the friends I do have for granted.

When I'm feeling down, I buy stuff. Since I'm a guy, it is usually electronic stuff. I won't even go into the random gadget I bought today, which lets me transfer the internet in my room to the game room. I need to watch myself or soon I'll have a musical keyboard, bose speakers and a light timer. I guess the eye surgery counts as an impulse buy as well. I have it set for July 9th and my biggest worry is to have the money ready by then. I need to find a good pair of sunglasses to wear afterward. Any suggestions?

where does my money go?

Can't Wait for the iPhone 4

“Many of the great achievements of the world were accomplished by tired and discouraged men who kept on working.” -Unknown

Things are picking up and I'm learning that the less thinking involved, the better things feel. It is not the way I operate though. So I had mentioned Rino's girlfriend Jessica had her 80s themed birthday party on Saturday. I had no clue what to dress up as. I should have just worn my Thundercats tshirt, but instead I decided to dress up as Gordon Gekko from Wall Street (1987). (Secret, I have rented Wall Street in anticipation of Wall Street 2 and it is at my house, but I have still yet to watch it.) I had everything but the suspenders. You do not know how hard it is to buy suspenders nowadays. I went everywhere. Most people just thought I came after work, but some people got it. It did give me an excuse to buy a blue shirt with a white collar. I've never had one of those and always wanted one. Too bad it has French cuffs, which means I'll wear it less often.


There were some pretty cool costumes and my favorite, and the one that won the contest, was a girl who dressed as a chick from the Robert Palmer videos, Addicted to Love and Simply Irresistible. Sadly, as much as I love the 80s and 80s music, I did not get the reference. That is what happens when you grow up without MTV. You know the music, but not the videos that are so iconic.

My cousin Vanessa (Rino's sister) and her husband Mario came down from Dallas. I have to say, the more and more I get to know Mario, there more I realize he is a really cool guy. Good job Vanessa, I mean, good job Mario. I played pool and skeeball, but since I didn't know a lot of people there I wasn't too social. Jess's friend Kate's brother Mike was pretty cool and made a pretty sweet PacMan shirt. I'm sure Jess will put up some pictures at some point.

Sunday I went to the driving range with my friend Oscar and his girlfriend Clarita. I met Oscar at his place and we talked about the triathlon he just finished. He did very well. I am so far from being able to do one that it isn't funny. You think about it and get motivated, but not enough to do anything concrete about it. I would very much rather do a marathon first and then go from there, but that too I could probably only complete 1/26th of it at this point. I hate the starts and stops that have defined my physical activity projects over the years.

But back to golf. So I'm getting better and better each time, but I have so much to go. I can't wait until I'm an average golf player. I very much enjoy the driver though since I like seeing the ball go far. I decided to try putting thinking at least that I would excel at. I mean, I'm a mini-golf super champ. Ok, I made the super champ part up, but I'm sure I would be if there were a contest. That said, I sucked at putting too. I gave myself a Par 3 for each hole (putting people) and still could not meet that. I just want the game to be enough fun that its addicting and not too hard that I just quit. I do have a lesson this week, so that should help.

Monday the iPhone 4 was unveiled. I spent the better part of my day watching multiple live blogs on the event. I have an old iPhone 3G and will definitely be buying a new iPhone 4 when it comes out on June 24th. This is very exciting for me, but I really hope I don't have to wait in a crazy long line like I did for the 3G. I hate that it is tied to AT&T, and my bill each month is crazy, but I do make use of my phone I must say. I'm very much looking forward to this.

Tuesday I had my appointment to find out of I'm a candidate for Lasik. I'm very excited about this because I have been sight challenged my whole life and would love to be able to see without contacts or glasses. They said that I was a good candidate. The first thing I'm going to do afterwards is invest in a good pair of sunglasses. I do say, I might feel more self conscious in the shower, but it is going to feel nice to be able to see the alarm clock in the middle of the night. The surgery won't be for a while because of work and making sure I have the money to pay for it.

I'm going to be doing a lot of traveling for work and weddings these next two months. I'll be in Dallas June 17-18 and probably stay for the weekend after, then Louisville, KY June 25-27, Houston July 1-2 (maybe weekend) and Arizona in late July for my cousin's wedding if I can make it. During that time I'm also thinking of planning a trip to California and possibly Vegas. 3 years of not traveling, this is a huge bunch of traveling lined up. Hopefully I'll get to visit with friends I haven't seen in a while. Plans are just that though, can't wait to see how it works out.

idealizing the past

Unrealistic Expectations

http://martyscorner.blogspot.com/2010/06/unrealistic-expectations.html

“How soon 'not now' becomes 'never'.” - Martin Luther

Last Friday was my friend Maria's funeral in LA. I was not able to attend, which was hard on me. I'm hoping to make a trip out there soon to visit with the family and go to the cemetery. Last Friday was also my sister Veronica's birthday. I think she would have been 37 this year. I don't usually do anything special on her birthday other than think of her even more than usual. It was just a lot to deal with at once.

I've been busy all this week in an arbitration hearing and haven't really had time to do anything, much less write at all. I figured I'd go for a quick update and see where my scattered thoughts land.

Sunday was my brother Abram's 26th birthday. He went on a camping trip for his birthday with friends. I did not attend because I am not the outdoors type and because I'd rather stay home to feel sorry for myself.

It is hard to explain, but I don't like feeling depressed and down. I always feel like there is another way to look at the situation to improve your emotional state and not much comes from self loathing and pity. At the same time I recognize that sometimes you feel depressed and you can't just hide from it with happy thoughts or reframing. Sometimes bad things happen and it's ok to experience the pain instead of feeling guilty for not appreciating all that you do have. I guess the problem comes when you stay that way for too long or for irrational reasons.

My own personal petty issues are of course dwarfed by the loss of a good friend, but they exist nevertheless. Instead of making me put them in perspective like I thought it would, instead everything came to a fore in an overwhelming manner. I guess it is better just to deal with everything at once rather than piecemeal. Put everything on my plate and start to work through it, and by that I mean experience it and deal with it.

I hate when people complain, and I admit I do my fair share. It wears on you having to hear a person discuss the world in a manner where they are the victim. I feel like I am somewhat doing that, but it has been a hard two weeks. It isn't hard to look at things objectively and know that I'm extremely blessed, but I feel like I'm in this funk. Then I feel guilty, like my negative feelings about things in my daily life are distracting me from fully mourning. I don't know what I'm doing it seems like. But times like this, I pull inward. I value my alone time instead of wanting to be with friends, yet at the same time I feel like I expect more from people. I can't exactly follow this flow of consciousness, but I just know I feel bad. It feels like I'm looking for encouragement, but I don't need that, nor pity, just maybe a place to vent. Maybe I want someone to relate to this, identification, I want someone to get how I feel right how. Most people want that I'd figure.

I'll distract myself with work and solitariness for the time being, but soon I'll have to start again on living that life that feels fulfilling. I miss the days when I could just seek solace in the magical powers of religion and the justifications that seem to make the hard things to accept ok. Though I still go there, I do it so much less now. I think that it is possible to feel better without having to look for a higher purpose.

I guess I'll move from being an downer to get back to the trivial distractions. Last week marked the Season (and in some cases series) finale for most of my shows. I watch a lot of TV and am a pretty loyal watcher so the summer time is very hard for me. That said, my productivity goes through the roof as I have all this free time to try new things.

First there was Lost, which I have talked about. The ending below gives me a lot more closure than the finale that just made things more confusing. It isn't genius because it is open to interpretation, it i just confusing. They should have have put in the final work to tie up all the loose ends on what was an amazing series. They did it a little bit each episode and each season, keeping us hanging on, why not just finish it all the way. (animated gif did not work)

Then there was the How I Met Your Mother finale. This show is my favorite because it is so easy to relate to. The entire season felt like it mostly ignored Ted and didn't seem to move forward. Yeah, it had its moments, but I'm really hoping next season they go back to the mom. I enjoyed the baggage episode.

Grey's finale was impressive, and I didn't think it would be. I like that so many characters were killed off. Everyone got a bullet it seemed like. Glee will be done very soon and now the charm of the musical numbers is starting to wear off. That said, Lea Michele will probably make me come back.

There were other shows I can't for them to come back like Modern Family, Community, The Office, Parks and Recreation, Always Sunny, House and V to name a few.

Today is my cousin Rino's girlfriend's Jess's Birthday. She is throwing an 80s party on Saturday. I have no clue what I am going to wear since 80s theme parties seem to be more for girls than for guys. I hope she has a good one and I'll let you know how it goes.

Feeling bad now or terrible later - too much indifference