http://martyscorner.blogspot.com/2010/06/unrealistic-expectations.html
“How soon 'not now' becomes 'never'.” - Martin Luther
“How soon 'not now' becomes 'never'.” - Martin Luther
Last Friday was my friend Maria's funeral in LA. I was not able to attend, which was hard on me. I'm hoping to make a trip out there soon to visit with the family and go to the cemetery. Last Friday was also my sister Veronica's birthday. I think she would have been 37 this year. I don't usually do anything special on her birthday other than think of her even more than usual. It was just a lot to deal with at once.
I've been busy all this week in an arbitration hearing and haven't really had time to do anything, much less write at all. I figured I'd go for a quick update and see where my scattered thoughts land.
Sunday was my brother Abram's 26th birthday. He went on a camping trip for his birthday with friends. I did not attend because I am not the outdoors type and because I'd rather stay home to feel sorry for myself.
It is hard to explain, but I don't like feeling depressed and down. I always feel like there is another way to look at the situation to improve your emotional state and not much comes from self loathing and pity. At the same time I recognize that sometimes you feel depressed and you can't just hide from it with happy thoughts or reframing. Sometimes bad things happen and it's ok to experience the pain instead of feeling guilty for not appreciating all that you do have. I guess the problem comes when you stay that way for too long or for irrational reasons.
My own personal petty issues are of course dwarfed by the loss of a good friend, but they exist nevertheless. Instead of making me put them in perspective like I thought it would, instead everything came to a fore in an overwhelming manner. I guess it is better just to deal with everything at once rather than piecemeal. Put everything on my plate and start to work through it, and by that I mean experience it and deal with it.
I hate when people complain, and I admit I do my fair share. It wears on you having to hear a person discuss the world in a manner where they are the victim. I feel like I am somewhat doing that, but it has been a hard two weeks. It isn't hard to look at things objectively and know that I'm extremely blessed, but I feel like I'm in this funk. Then I feel guilty, like my negative feelings about things in my daily life are distracting me from fully mourning. I don't know what I'm doing it seems like. But times like this, I pull inward. I value my alone time instead of wanting to be with friends, yet at the same time I feel like I expect more from people. I can't exactly follow this flow of consciousness, but I just know I feel bad. It feels like I'm looking for encouragement, but I don't need that, nor pity, just maybe a place to vent. Maybe I want someone to relate to this, identification, I want someone to get how I feel right how. Most people want that I'd figure.
I'll distract myself with work and solitariness for the time being, but soon I'll have to start again on living that life that feels fulfilling. I miss the days when I could just seek solace in the magical powers of religion and the justifications that seem to make the hard things to accept ok. Though I still go there, I do it so much less now. I think that it is possible to feel better without having to look for a higher purpose.
It is hard to explain, but I don't like feeling depressed and down. I always feel like there is another way to look at the situation to improve your emotional state and not much comes from self loathing and pity. At the same time I recognize that sometimes you feel depressed and you can't just hide from it with happy thoughts or reframing. Sometimes bad things happen and it's ok to experience the pain instead of feeling guilty for not appreciating all that you do have. I guess the problem comes when you stay that way for too long or for irrational reasons.
My own personal petty issues are of course dwarfed by the loss of a good friend, but they exist nevertheless. Instead of making me put them in perspective like I thought it would, instead everything came to a fore in an overwhelming manner. I guess it is better just to deal with everything at once rather than piecemeal. Put everything on my plate and start to work through it, and by that I mean experience it and deal with it.
I hate when people complain, and I admit I do my fair share. It wears on you having to hear a person discuss the world in a manner where they are the victim. I feel like I am somewhat doing that, but it has been a hard two weeks. It isn't hard to look at things objectively and know that I'm extremely blessed, but I feel like I'm in this funk. Then I feel guilty, like my negative feelings about things in my daily life are distracting me from fully mourning. I don't know what I'm doing it seems like. But times like this, I pull inward. I value my alone time instead of wanting to be with friends, yet at the same time I feel like I expect more from people. I can't exactly follow this flow of consciousness, but I just know I feel bad. It feels like I'm looking for encouragement, but I don't need that, nor pity, just maybe a place to vent. Maybe I want someone to relate to this, identification, I want someone to get how I feel right how. Most people want that I'd figure.
I'll distract myself with work and solitariness for the time being, but soon I'll have to start again on living that life that feels fulfilling. I miss the days when I could just seek solace in the magical powers of religion and the justifications that seem to make the hard things to accept ok. Though I still go there, I do it so much less now. I think that it is possible to feel better without having to look for a higher purpose.
I guess I'll move from being an downer to get back to the trivial distractions. Last week marked the Season (and in some cases series) finale for most of my shows. I watch a lot of TV and am a pretty loyal watcher so the summer time is very hard for me. That said, my productivity goes through the roof as I have all this free time to try new things.
First there was Lost, which I have talked about. The ending below gives me a lot more closure than the finale that just made things more confusing. It isn't genius because it is open to interpretation, it i just confusing. They should have have put in the final work to tie up all the loose ends on what was an amazing series. They did it a little bit each episode and each season, keeping us hanging on, why not just finish it all the way. (animated gif did not work)
Then there was the How I Met Your Mother finale. This show is my favorite because it is so easy to relate to. The entire season felt like it mostly ignored Ted and didn't seem to move forward. Yeah, it had its moments, but I'm really hoping next season they go back to the mom. I enjoyed the baggage episode.
Grey's finale was impressive, and I didn't think it would be. I like that so many characters were killed off. Everyone got a bullet it seemed like. Glee will be done very soon and now the charm of the musical numbers is starting to wear off. That said, Lea Michele will probably make me come back.
There were other shows I can't for them to come back like Modern Family, Community, The Office, Parks and Recreation, Always Sunny, House and V to name a few.
There were other shows I can't for them to come back like Modern Family, Community, The Office, Parks and Recreation, Always Sunny, House and V to name a few.
Today is my cousin Rino's girlfriend's Jess's Birthday. She is throwing an 80s party on Saturday. I have no clue what I am going to wear since 80s theme parties seem to be more for girls than for guys. I hope she has a good one and I'll let you know how it goes.
Feeling bad now or terrible later - too much indifference
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