30 Years Old

"A man's age is something impressive, it sums up his life: maturity reached slowly and against many obstacles, illnesses cured, griefs and despairs overcome, and unconscious risks taken; maturity formed through so many desires, hopes, regrets, forgotten things, loves. A man's age represents a fine cargo of experiences and memories." -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Wartime Writings 1939-1944, translated from French by Norah Purcell

Today I am 3o years old. My twenties are behind me. I've lived three decades and I've entered probably my last decade that will be looked back upon as my youth. My days of being a young man are over and now it is time to step up to the plate. I understand that that today is just another day, but for me my birthdays are truly special. It is like the day is mine. I always have high expectations for my birthday and look forward to it during the year. It is a day that has not lost its magic to me.

I tend to follow the same routines during the holidays and for my birthday. This year followed the same outline, but it was still uniquely different. I went out with Abram, Rick and Jerry on the night of the 26th. We went to Roosevelts and had a few beers and caught up on life and what not. At midnight I turned 30 and we all took a round of beer shots. I'm lucky to have good friends to surround myself with and who are there for me.

After, we went downtown and headed to this bar called the District. That is when the drinking picked up and an hour before last call my friend Christina dropped by. I celebrated to the best of my ability. There were parts of the night that were really great. I even ran into old friends.

The next morning, I fought past my headache and got ready to go to lunch for my birthday. For some reason, I like to go to Red Lobster with my family for my birthday. I guess it reminds me of when I was little and we used to go to a restaurant called Bonanza and I would get to order a steak. My family doesn't eat out much and it is one of the few times during the year when we all go out to eat together. It is a tradition I cherish. We also use the occasion to celebrate my father's birthday, the 26th, and this time my sister's new house.

After lunch, I decided to head up back to Austin to spend the rest of my birthday. As much as I hate wasting 5 hours of my day on the road, it was time to come home and I wanted to go have a drink with my friend Oscar who shares my birthday. From the stories I heard, he had an eventful birthday as well. I went downtown and hung out with him and his girlfriend for a while. I enjoy our conversations. We drank until the minutes ticked away and it was no longer our birthday. It was a fitting ending to the day. Add to that the Cowboys making the playoffs and there is reason to be grateful. My new year always starts a few days early.

This is what I have been thinking about the most on my birthday, my sister Veronica. She passed away in 2003 at the age of 29. Now I am 30 and my older sister is younger than me if that makes sense. She was my older sister and I always saw her as more mature and adult like, a grown up. I understood at the time that she died way too young, but how young she truly was is hitting me now that I have surpassed her age. I am now older than her and I feel like I am just starting my life. I don't have any of the answers. It just really put the loss in a different perspective. In my mind, she was married, had kids, she was an adult, but the truth was that she was still so young and just finding her way in life. She had all the same questions about what life had in store for her that I have now. Emotionally, she was probably no more mature than I am, though in her defense, she might have me beat on that one. I feel moreso like everyday I have now is a day she didn't get. This just makes it that much more real. Add to that the fact she never got to celebrate her turning 30 moment and that she isn't here to celebrate this day with me and its a lot to deal with. I will always think of her and her absence this Christmas was felt as strongly as it was the first Christmas after her passing.

I hope to make this a special year. A good friend of mine told me that 30 has been one of his best years so far, so I look forward with promise and hope. I'll be one more year closer to being the man I want to be.

Here are my flickr photos: http://www.flickr.com/photos/hyadus/sets/72157622960082449/

I didn't need that, not on that night