Money Bags and Ketchup

"Still, there are times I am bewildered by each mile I have traveled, each meal I have eaten, each person I have known, each room in which I have slept. As ordinary as it all appears, there are times when it is beyond my imagination." - Jhumpa Lahiri

On Wednesday, I heard from my mother that her elementary school she works at was locked down due to reports of a shooting near her campus. Reports of gunfire prompt lockdown at Edinburg schools. She was ok and that is the most important thing. From the article, it seems like it was mainly a precautionary action by the schools due to reports of gang activity. I think it can be used as a teaching moment for the schools so that they can see what works and what doesn't when it comes to lock downs.

I have a confession. I actually feel very bad about this. The other day I was at a gas station and I was buying a burrito. I was in a rush and as I was putting away the tongs I used to get the burrito, I dropped them on the floor. It was the only set and a guy was standing right next to me. Instead of talking to the attendant and telling him about the drop, I just used the 5 second rule, picked them up and put them back in their holder. I'm a terrible person I know. Had I been at a restaurant I would never have done such a thing, but I was at a gas station. I don't know, there is no excuse. Now what am I doing buying a burrito at a gas station to begin with?

This was on my mind today. "I always say what I mean, but I don't always mean what I say." Put another way, whatever I say I mean to say it, but what I have said, it doesn't mean I mean it. That might seem like it conflicts, but I think it defines a lot of what comes out of my mouth. The problem is that sometimes I might say something which I don't believe, but then based on its reaction, I sometimes start to believe it. That can at times be good, like positive things about yourself, or bad since you shouldn't really have a good handle on what you believe and what you don't.

When I was going into the 8th grade I went to a summer camp at a university where I took a creative writing course. I don't remember much about the course, but I do recall writing one of my only poems I had ever written. It was about how Tuesdays sucked. Everyday had a meaning or context, but Tuesday was just nothing. I was reminded about this when I was told by a friend that Tuesday was her least favorite day. I responded with, "all the days are my least favoriate days. That keeps me anxiously looking forward to a day that never really comes." The point being that no matter what day it is, you have this idea that if today were only "insert day here," it would be so much better. But that type of thinking is infinitely regressive. The truth is that Tuesday is the most real day of the week, not trapped by the meaning of starting or ending a week, but just a normal day. I wonder if you took my life and stitched together all the Tuesday's what would it look like? I think it would give the most realistic blueprint of what my life is really like and after seeing it, I'd probably look for ways to live it more fully. So, yeah, from now when it is Tuesday, I'll think to myself, today is your life and it doesn't get any more real than this.

I want money bags. You know, the kind you see in cartoons, like the ones Scrooge McDuck had. They will have to have $$ signs on them as well. One day I'm going to just put a chunk of savings in money bags and put them in my closet hidden. Probably not the most secure place to keep money bags (the bank being the most secure), but hell it would feel good I think. Whenever I need cash I'll just go to my money bags and pull out a wad of bills. It is my cartoon version of the money under the mattress idea from the Great Depression era. The child in me will feel like have really made it then. This of course would be at the cost of the interest I could be earning on that cash in the bank, but I think it would be worth it.

One hobby I'm really good at keeping up at is writing down my thoughts a few times a week on my blog. I wonder why I'm easily able to do that, but other things have trouble sticking so easily. Maybe it has to do with the idea of choice. Everyday I choose to write and I don't feel like I have to or need to. It is something that is nice to do and even though it is work, both mental and physical, I never see it that way. I can stop at any point and not feel guilty in any way. Imagine if I could transfer that type of thinking and motivation to other parts of my life.

...There is also the alternative procrastination theory. I tend to write more when I have something important I should be doing and it lets me feel like I'm being productive even though I clearly am not. I used to use procrastination tricks like this to make myself do stuff in college. I'd have a paper due, but since I didn't want to do it, I'd procrastinate by working on a project for another class. I was secretly getting work done while I thought I was procrastinating from other work. The problem of course is that I'm not stupid and trying to do stuff to trick myself doesn't work often cause my mind takes offense to trying to be tricked and just calls bullshit.

...Though on thing I will say that I've done a good job at tricking my brain with is with my alarm clock in the morning. I have it set 13-18 mins ahead so that in the morning I won't be late. Now it isn't 15 mins or 10mins because I can do that math quickly and figure out the real time in my head. But 13-18, (I'm not sure by design) is a harder subtraction problem and in the morning my mind is still foggy. I compensate for knowing the time difference somewhat, but I can't delay too much because I don't know how much lag I truly have. This only works because I'm doing it while my mind is the least sharp and less willing to call bullshit. Even with this system, I still sometimes run late, but over all it works great for me. Now the rest of the day the clock is useless, but when do you look at your clock?

I probably eat way too much fast food. In my defense, I'm not feeding it to my family, so my failing is only hurting myself. But this isn't the normal, oh man I should eat better resuscitation I repeat to myself on an ongoing basis, but a complaint about ketchup. I hate ketchup packets, but I like ketchup. I hate how the ketchup sticks to the part of the packet you tore off and how one packet isn't even close enough to use. You know who has good ketchup packets? Whataburger. They use those little cup things that other places use for BBQ sauce. Now that is a perfect packet. You open the lid and right there you have a perfect serving of ketchup already in a small container. I don't know why everybody doesn't use it. I mean they have access to them since they use them for BBQ sauce. My thinking it that it is cheaper to use packets and there is probably less wasted ketchup and I know it all adds up when you sell millions and millions of fries. Still, I think companies should suck up the extra cost and give us these perfect ketchup packets.

when push comes to shove, no one really tells you to follow your heart