Sweet Pea

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.” - Mother Teresa

Monday I got a lesson in love, but not romantic love, one I will not soon forget. I was down and did something on impulse, something I feared I would regret, but knew I needed to do. Sometimes you just need to reach out the one person in the world you have ever really trusted, the one who has ever really gotten you. The response was unexpected, especially after all these years, and in fact it was a gentle let down, but one filled with so much love, care and compassion that I remembered why I fell in love with her in the first place. I had this to compare to cold, hurtful and downright callous treatment by the most recent people in my life that I have cared about. Their problem wasn't that they were not her, but that they did not even have a tenth of the kindness and compassion that she shared. I lie, they did have it, but not consistently, not when it mattered most to me. Maybe recently, the past few years, has been my fault, I didn't earn or deserve what I wanted. It doesn't take away the disappointment. I didn't have and still don't have what it takes to be the right person for her, and deep down I always knew that, even when I walked away for a person who I knew could never care about me like she did. I'm not bothered that he is probably a better man, because there will always be better men than me, but I felt at peace hearing the tranquility in her words about the love she found. What she has, I sadly don't have to offer, and worry I may never will. I do have a lot to offer in other ways, so I don't dare count myself out, but feeling that kind spirit for just a moment gave me hope, hope that not all people let the selfish and angry parts of their being dominate. That a person's heart is a true measure of their character. She did set a bar that was higher than who she actually was, one she couldn't even meet when we had our chance, but one that I will not settle for anything less than. Until then, I still have a lot to figure out about myself, how I tick, why I do the things I do and who I want to be. I'm complicated, and yes I've been able to make it work to moderate success, but I don't want to settle for just good from myself, I want great. I was told to watch Love in the Time of Cholera and maybe I would understand. I wonder if I will. I thought of waiting until the 4th to post these thoughts but the 3rd makes more sense for a completely different reason.




Today I did something I had been meaning to do for months. I went to the DMV to exchange my VA drivers license for a Texas one. I used to have a Texas one and didn’t change it during 4 years of living in NY, then kept it for 2 more years in DC and again for a year in Florida. It was always a sign I was coming home at some point. Then when I moved back to VA, I finally changed it. When I got back to Texas, I had grown fond of my VA license, like holding on to a past life, and dragged my feet on getting a Texas one, especially considering it didn’t expire for another year. The problem is that if I got pulled over, I could get in trouble for not updating it, so I got the paperwork I needed and went in to get it done. The wait was pretty long and boring, but I finally got it taken care of. I’m now a real Texan again, with a Texas address, voter registration, paying taxes out of Texas (no state income tax), a Texas car and a Texas Bar Member.



Back to what makes me tick, so: Fox News Ratings Remain Strong, #2 Cable Channel In Primetime You know, I just don’t get this, who are all these people that watch this crap? I mean you have CNN and MSNBC, but to watch this right wing sham I just don't understand. Especially considering that Daily Show viewers are actually more informed than those that watch Fox. So FAKE NEWS = more informed than FOX NEWS.

Then we have Texas Governor Rick Perry (R). Texas, we can do so much better. I miss Ann Richards. The Governor continued his threats to reject all or part of the stimulus plan, saying of the benefits: "This is exactly how addicts get hooked on drugs" [Austin American-Statesman, 2/24/09]. While Rick Perry compares out-of-work Texans to junkies, his Texas Enterprise Fund has corporations like Countrywide hooked on easy money from hardworking Texas taxpayers. Texans deserve better.



2001 Bush legal memo allowed ‘First Amendment speech and press rights’ to be ’subordinated.’
Isn't transparency grand?



I'll end with a laugh...
The funniest picture you will see today.


It took me a while. Check out the graphic next to the reporter. It clearly says "So good you'll suck dick". This is a news report by NBC affiliate WAGT in Augusta. Guess google images isn't the best place to get pictures.

a family