Round 2

"When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it...It's called the principle of favorability, beginner's luck. Because life wants you to achieve your destiny." - Paulo Coelho

School has now started again. This is my second semester of law school. I don't think I am ready to get back to the grind of reading case after case, especially considering that I have a stack of personal books in front of me that I really want to read. It is like I'm trying to walk up an escalator that is going down, so if I just stand there and do nothing I get farther and farther
away from my goal, but each step is much harder than usual. That is what I like about breaks, it is like the escalator stops moving, and though you can do work, at least if you don't you don't fall behind.

I need to get used to my new schedule. I loved my schedule last semester, mainlybecause I didn't have to wake up too early. This semester my schedule isn't as good as I wanted. Mondays and Weds are good, I start at 10:45, get 2 hours for lunch/study then class at 2pm and then I'm done. I like that. But Tuesday Thursday I start at 9am and then have another class right after at 10:45pm. I am done at noon. This might seem good to morning people, but I'm not liking it, I have no time to study between classes, so I have to do my full work the night before, then to make matters worse, Tuesday's I have a class at 6:30pm, which means I have to come back to school and then just because I complained, on Thursday's I have a TA session (mandatory class) at 8am. Crazy I tell you. I don't even know when my dean's fellow's are yet. Friday's I have one class at 2pm, which I like because it lets me sleep in Thursday night. I also found out today that I am in the top 15% of my class, but had I got that .1 more I'd be in the top 10%. I talked to my writing professor and found out I was the highest B+ and I missed my A by one point. That is life I guess.

The beginning of a new year and a new semester tends to give one a lot of motivation. I want to cash in on this right now while I'm still pumped because I know that soon life will go back to normal. I hope to finish up Get the Edge and Personal Power by the end of the month. I have downloaded a lot of other audio books, so it will be interesting to see how many I actually listen to. I still am not feeling the school thing, but I'm sure I'll pick it up again.

There are things I talk about over and over, but the more I think about them, the more they come up. One is what I would call the nice guy bullshit. Most guys want to be good guys, but there is a fine line between not being an asshole and just being a pussy. I think when you like someone, you have to fight the impulse to be a pussy because if someone can't respect you, they
probably won't like you and I really doubt will truly ever be able to love you. You also don't want to deny your own feelings just to play a game since what use is being with a person if you can't enjoy the feelings you have for them. I'm sure it is a balancing thing, something you learn with every relationship. The one who cares less seems to control the relationship and is usually the one to end things. (not liking as much) It goes back to the just be yourself junk, but I guess that is the best you can do. Either way, this isn't even an issue for me right now so I won't stress.

I tend to think of myself as a victim a lot more than an asshole. I guess it is easy to do that because when I am an asshole, I apologize to myself and easily forgive myself and move on, but when I am a victim, even if I forgive the person who hurt me, the feeling lingers and I am less easily forget it. So when I think about it in general I feel like more of a victim than and asshole, but it might very well be the other way around. I can quickly think of all the times I have been hurt or screwed over, but it takes me a long time to think of all the times I have hurt other people and I'm sure I probably have forgotten a few of those. Either way, a victim mentality sucks and it is not a problem I have in general, but there are times when it is just too easy to feel sorry for yourself.

I miss ya.