I spent the latter part of the weekend cleaning, which is good because I was able to watch the football playoffs at the same time. Talk about manly cleaning. I cleaned the entire apartment, something it seems like only I do. I got a great roommate, but I need to stop getting pissed inside and being a jerk because he doesn't care about cleaning our place as much as I do. He does clean, but when necessary, not in order to have a nice clean place. We made a deal that I'd vacuum if he would mop the kitchen...well I ended up mopping the kitchen cause I couldn't take it anymore. When I had friends over on Thursday, they all told me they liked the place, which made me feel pride in where I live and thus made me want to clean it more and make it look nicer. I rearranged the living room in a way he didn't like, which made him say, "oh, am I just going to just have to get used to this?" making his disappointment known. Usually I'd compromise as I have in the past, but this time I just said, "yes, I guess so." It sucks cause we get along so well that we don't need this shit to get in the way, so I'll just let it go, but I need to make sure I don't keep my resentment in cause I have seen what that can do, especially when it comes to cleaning. Thanks for hearing me vent.
I also did my laundry and started to work on my room. I have a more to go for my room, but I have it in a decent condition. I was procrastination from doing work I think, which is good when I use procrastination of one thing to get another important thing done. I need to figure out a way to get more organized and less cluttered, which probably means I need to start throwing more shit out. I didn't do any ironing, but I now I have a section in my closet for unironed clothes.
I've started the Body for Life program, but I won't talk too much about it until I have resolved to stay on it and I start seeing real improvement. Then you can count on my ass preaching its praises from the high ceilings. I read the entire book this weekend and was inspired by a guy in my class who told me that his friend was doing it and it was going well. The workouts are not too bad, pretty normal I think, but they are everyday (alternating running, lifting), and they are fairly short (45min/20mins). I do get Sunday's off though. The hardest part I think will be the eating 6 times a day. I only eat twice a day to being with so to add 4 meals is a pain in the ass. I purchased meal replacements to make sure I do it right for those extra meals, but I guess I'll see how it goes. Another thing is the drinking a shit load of water thing. I have been drinking more water these past few years, but this is a lot more than I am used to.
This brings me to my story. Last night I decide to go to bed early and before I know it, it is midnight. Nevertheless, I lay down do my contracts reading hoping it will put me to sleep. I'm reading my last case when a person I enjoy talking to calls me. I put the book down and talk for a bit. I think we made some comment about me getting called on for that case. So I'm in Contracts today and all that drinking makes me need to go piss. So I go after about 15 mins, and then as we are finishing a case I have to go again. I'm like great, people are going to think I'm sick or something. I decide to wait until she calls on someone for the next case so that I won't look like I am leaving to avoid being called on. Well guess who gets called on, yup, me and guess which case it was, yup that same case from the night before. Luckily, I had finished it in the morning, but I didn't highlight it at all. I did great though, even though some of my facts were off, and most of all, I actually learned something. Sucks to be this pimp. I need to get this water thing under control though.
A highlight in the class was when our professor, who is female and middle aged wanted to say "starts the clock ticking," but instead said, "starts the clock dicking." The funny part was that people were too scared to laugh, considering she is a respectable dean and all, but she couldn't help but laugh and it took her some time to get back to the point. She made a funny comment about wonder what made her say that. It is nice to see how some people can be human too.
Backing up, I woke up this morning and went to the gym, hopefully I'll be able to become a morning gym person, something that is like twice the pain, being up early and working my ass off. MWF isn't too bad, but TTh I have to wake up really really early, so those will be the real test.
This week I am starting my Spanish tapes. I hope to do them for the entire week and then every other week in my car alternating with whatever audio book or learning program I am doing at the time. They feel a bit slow, but I need to learn the basics correctly so that I can start to truly get better. So next week is the Alchemist, then back to Spanish and then who knows, since I have a list like no other of stuff to listen to.
You know when people say, "Hey I want to start a Chicano law school group." --> me, yet you know they won't do it. Well I said that to my friend Jane and she told me she wanted to start an Asian Law group. I was like sure, and then she started with group meetings and such, but I didn't think it would become a legitimate group. Well guess what, this group is kicking ass, part of a national group, doing a tsunami fundraiser raffle (hope I win the hotel stay at the hard rock for me and a lucky lady) and all kinds of networking. It really hit me today when the girl next to me who is the secretary for the group was typing up the minutes of their last meeting and I saw all they had done and what they were doing. Way to fucking go Jane! I don't think I could do it, I have trouble just being part of a group, much less starting one. I wish I had that type of spirit.
My older sister IMed me today and told me she had just read my entry and jested that I had no privacy. This is a subject that comes up a lot and that I talk about a bit. Writing all the crap that happens to me and what I am thinking does leave me with less privacy, but it doesn't bother me too much. I do worry about saying shit that might piss someone off, or offend a person checking up on me, but then I'd have to be less honest, so I try to do a good job balancing. It does suck cause I don't feel too comfortable saying shit like, "Dude, saw this fucking hot bitch, man it is going to be cool when we hook up," or "My friend is a fucking cunt." I'm sure the friend wouldn't be too happy, one, that I think they are a cunt and, two, that I just about told everyone too. It would be how I was feeling though, so I would be torn. My, well people know it is just one side of the story part probably won't hold up, but that is why God gave us common sense. Each year I feel like I push the line more and more to talking about more stuff, and though I've thought of just writing on one of those anonomyous journal sites where I could get mad hits, I'm sure someone would be able to find it and then there would be mad incriminating shit, so I might as well just do the balancing thing here. Seriously, I think this keeps me sane and organized.
"The more things change, the more they stay the same. I’m not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it’s the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw: my inability to change. I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still... It feels safer somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected... Who knows what other pain might be out there, waiting for you. Chances are it could be even worse. So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn’t seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You’re not a drug addict. You’re not killing anyone -- except maybe yourself a little. When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they looked at us really close. Which, thank god, they never do. But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever. That you'll never have to change again. It probably won’t work out that way, though, since things will keep changing. That’s one thing I know a lot about: whether you like it or not, stuff keeps happening all the time. And not always for the better. Usually not, it seems. But maybe it gets easier. Hopefully that first change doesn’t hurt too much, it doesn’t kill you, you don’t lose any limbs or an eye -- or a friend. Then you figure you can do it again. It’s like when you have to move something really heavy, like a couch, or a car that ran out of gas. You can hardly budge it at first, but once it finally starts to move, it gets a lot easier to push the rest of the way. As long as you don’t stop pushing. So I guess you can keep changing... a little at a time, once you get started. You sort of have to, because if you don’t -- if you stop and freeze up again -- then you still have that same flaw you started with after all. So you just have to take a chance. Push yourself. Take that first step outside the box and hope it’s not too horrible. And enough small changes can eventually add up, until finally you really are different. Even enough for other people to notice, not just you. That probably has something to do with growing up." - Everwood (borrowed from a friend).
Is it easy to idealize someone when they can't do anything to let you down
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