Valley of the Fallen

As you can tell, I write my entries every morning in class on my computer and then I copy them to my website. This is why I usually start each entry with lunch and then work my way through the rest of my day.

On the way home from class, Sarah told Sarah Beth about a tour she went on where the big cross was. Sarah Beth, who is always wanting to do something, tried to convince me to go. I told her that Bianca would want to go, but she too was too tired and wanted to stay in. I said we should go ride horses instead, but after thinking about what would make me more tired, I agreed to go with Sarah Beth. We work our way to the bus station and ask for tickets to the Valley of the Fallen. The bus ride wasn’t too far, and they dropped us off and were to come back and pick us up at 5:15pm. The place was pretty damn awesome, it is like a large mountain, with a huge (480ft) cross on top with 4 large statutes at the base. Franco is buried there. Inside the mountain is a basilica. The cross was built I think in the mid 1500s with prisoners of war from the Spanish Civil War, and it took 20 years to build it. I can’t explain how enormous the cross was, it has to be the coolest thing I have seen thus far. When we get there, my camera runs out of battery. So I decide to use Sarah Beth’s camera, but guess whose camera runs out of battery after two pictures. So now we have two cameras with no charge. We buy tickets for the trolley to the top and when we get up there, it was a great view. There was a nice breeze and we could see all around. Being close up to the cross really let you see how big it was. We then took the trolley down and walked around to the Basilica. It had a large courtyard and though it’s claim to fame is that I is inside of a mountain, to me it looked like every other church I have seen thus far. The dome on the inside is lined up with the bottom of the cross. We then waited for the bus and came back to El Escorial.

I went and got some ice cream and we picked up our tickets for Rome from the travel agent. I then went home and though I planned to take a nap, I ended up listening to “Your Best Life Now,” by Joel Osteen. So far, I think it is a good audiobook. I then decided that I really wanted to listen to La Oreja de van Gogh, that Spanish band I saw in Miami. I went to the internet cafe and looked up their concerts. They are playing in Madrid, but I’ll be in Rome. I’m going to try really hard to get to see them in Spain, and though it is going to be a long trek, I think I’ll be able to make it work.


In the morning, I went to check my emails, and I checked CNN to find out how my Spurs did in Game 1 of the NBA finals. So now they are up 1-0. I guess if the games were on TV, they would be too late for me to watch them anyways.

Ok, back to the Van Gogh concert talk. Well guess what, the schedule I was looking at to figure out when and were I could see the band, was for 2004 (FOUR!). That sucks, now I have to go and find out where they are in 2005. This is going to be much harder than I thought.

I worry about my capacity to listen in class. In law school, I tend to chat on IM during class and listen at the same time. Here, I tend to write in my journal, play games and do other stuff while class is going on. The problem is that guys brains are not wired to multi-task, so it isn’t normal that I keep doing things to keep my mind occupied. I feel like my brain gets bored and I just keep an ear out for important facts, but there are times I totally phase out and there could be important stuff I’m missing (of course not here, but in real school yes). From what I read, guys tend to focus on one task and can usually only concentrate on one thing at a time. Yet, when I do anything, I do a little here, a little there a little more here, until they are all done, instead of picking one thing and just pimping it out. Of course this is just a generalization, but it makes me wonder how my learning process works and what is actually best for me. I think participation keeps me more involved, but there is only so much you can participate and I don’t like to participate when I’m not interested anyway.

I’m drinking a diet coke right now, but like I think I have said, they call it Coca-cola light here. I actually went to buy a water, but the machine was out and my money was in. I don’t like to start with caffeine too early because then I feel the need to have more caffeine later in the day. Dude, I drank a coke and just told you about, I must be really bored in this class. At least I can bring those of you reading down with me.

Yesterday as I was listening to Joel Osteen, I learned a good lesson. He talked about roots and fruits. Yeah, he makes shit really simple, but I don’t mind it. He says that a lot of people work on fixing their problems by attacking their fruits (imagine you are some sort of tree) and once they fix all their problems, then well the fruits just grow back over time. You cut them down again, but whenever you relax, back again because the roots are bad. He said if you really want to focus on your problems, you should attack them at the roots and hence solve the problem once and for all. I’ve actually heard this lesson before, about how will power is great and can help you change for a while, but if you don’t make real changes in how you think, then you will always go back to the your old ways. For example, working out, I can work out for 12 weeks and eat right by sheer will power. But, then when I let my guard down, I go back to my old ways, as I am now, in not working out and eating what I want. I attacked the fruits, but not the roots. Here is my problem, I don’t know what the real root of a lot of my issues are. I mean I don’t know the root of why I enjoy sleeping in, or not getting to the gym or not always being in the most happy positive attitude. I have fixed all those problems, but if I let my guard and will power down, I know I can slide right back. Maybe it is just because sleeping feels good, eating bad food feels good and not working out is easier than working out (even though I like how I feel so much more after a good workout, it is still tiring at times). I guess you will always by default take the easy road, eat the fast food, sleep rather than go do something, watch tv rather than go for a walk. Maybe I don’t think that is a problem, that is probably my real problem that it doesn’t bother me on one level, but on the other level, the level in which I write this and say I would like to change that, thinks it is a problem.

I thought about my grandparents yesterday and where I am in life and I have gotten to this point. I am not of the belief that I am where I am at through my own hard work and good fortune, but I know that others have played an important role in how I think and where I am. I’m not discounting my own efforts, but I know there is so much more to me than just my own thoughts and actions. My grandparents gave me unconditional love, that was something I have talked about before and I think everyone should have, but more importantly, they instilled in me something that has really helped me, they made me feel like I could do anything I ever wanted if I just worked hard. They never limited me, they never had expectations for me, but they always made me feel like I had all the opportunities in the world. I have put limits on myself, which explains why I don’t have a business right now and am following the generic path of college, law school lawyer, but I have also done a lot more than others around me have done. Then you have my parents. I don’t ever give them enough credit, maybe because growing up I always saw them as in my way. They were in my way of freedom, fun, etc. You know, like they made the rules. It must be a normal child thing, so I pushed every boundary that was given to me and made me respect authority, but not give up my goals because of it. In 1st grade, I choose not to be in my mom’s class, in direct opposition of my parents wishes. I got into a new class. My parents did not want me to go to the GT school, but I went nevertheless. My parents wanted me to stay in TX, but I choose NY instead. Here is something I never noticed, they let me choose, they let me make decisions they did not agree with and let me have my autonomy. They could have kept me in my mom’s class, or not let me go to the new school, but instead they saw it was my life and let me make decisions about it. I respect them so much for that because I learned responsibility for who I was and what I did. I had no one to blame if I failed, but myself. I had no ones expectations to meet, but my own. So ironically, the parents who I used to see as holding me back, were exactly the ones who were propelling me forward.

Now I’m living on my own, going to school far away and doing what I want each day. I’m living the dream I had as child who so wanted a car so that he could drive anywhere he wanted whenever he wanted. Another thing I owe my parents, is for example, my mom’s belief that God was always going to find away. Anytime I want something, I put my mind to it and I just know it is going to work out. It is not always exactly what I had planned, but I’m always grateful for how it turns out. I just know and have faith that everything will be ok. I wanted to go to law school, I didn’t get in, but somehow I still ended up in law school. I’ve moved places without an apartment, but yet I still found one. I always wanted to study in Europe and here I am. Right now life is so much in the air, yet I know in the end it will turn out to be better than it was before. It is this faith and not worrying that I got from my Mom that has really affected my life in positive ways. I do admit that I tend to run up debts at times by taking trips I probably shouldn’t take, but I am still somewhat reasonable and as long as I still have control, I’ll push the envelope as far as I can. When my brother told me he wanted to go on a cruise, I knew he couldn’t afford it, but I was proud he was doing something he could enjoy, memories he would have forever and knowing that he works his ass off at his job to make money, I did what I could to help him out.