To start off, I could of named this entry "Efrian's Birthday," but I think enough with the birthdays. I hope he has a good time, I haven't seen him in what feels like years, wait, yes, years.
Today I was in Cosi waiting in line for lunch when Volcano by Damien Rice started playing. I don't know what the song means, but I'm sure it isn't positive. I guess I hadn't heard the song in a long time, but I used to listen to the cd a lot in Miami and it brought back all those memories.
I have been feeling really shitty lately. I don't know how to explain it or really even talk about it. It's like you are watching the world fall down around you, but in very slow motion. When things are bad and getting worse, you can just tense up and wait until it crashes and then pick up from there. In this case, it's like a slow ticking bomb and I have the power to do something about it, but I don't know where to start. Imagine having 100 things you needed to fix, and fixing 80 would still lead to the same result as fixing none, you need at least 81 for things to be ok, but you have like 6 done. You have the time, but the 75 remaining things can't be done in a day, they are long term and you don't even know if you can fix them. So you do nothing...just watch as time ticks, maybe doing one or two but knowing that though it may be far off, there will be a day when you need to have all those 80 done and when you only have 20 to show for yourself, then things are going to be very bad. I know towards the end when the fear of not having 80 is so high because the deadline is so soon, I'm make a mad dash at it hoping to get towards the goal and if I make it will be just bearly. So the question is where to start...#7-20 you don't even need if you don't got 1-6, but 7-20 are easy and 1-6 hard. I hope you are confused because my mind is wandering I think...is a race worth running when everyone has a 4 hour head start....your best finish is 4 hours back of 1st if you start now....or you can just make sure you beat the slow peole in the back. Is giving up an option? you don't give up, you just sabotage yourself. I guess that is the real question, why do I sabotage.
So at night, after watching Grey's, I was talking to Erika and telling her all my favorite parts and what I thought about the writing and plot. I'm glad she likes to talk about shows with me. So after today's episode, I was telling her some of my favorite scenes and quotes from the show including: "all i want is seatlle and never to see you again." and "you must be thinking, that a year of your life was wasted." She then asks me why all my favorite quotes are always so negative and make you feel kind of bad. I started to think about it, and it is true, I do seem to catch and think about the depressing quotes more than the positive ones. I wonder if it is part of my personality, but it can't be a good thing.
More on Grey's, I'm very impressed with how diverse the show is. I don't really notice it, but then take a 2nd look and am like, woah, that is more like the real world. I applaud them for that. Everyone tells me life isn't that interesting when you are an intern, but TV wouldn't lie to me.
So I'm still playing poker. I'm not putting in as many hours as I'd like to be, but I'm still trying to improve. The problem is that it takes a lot out of you. Not the sitting there for hours, but trying to think about all the things you should be thinking about. It is like taking a test and you lose money if you are doing badly. I've started dedicating time to limit. Typical Marty behavior, focusing on one thing and then changing to another. I was playing sit and gos and then changed over to rebuys and now limit. I feel I need a good limit game to build up my no limit tournament play. So I play 1/2 shorthanded limit, buy in for 40 and try to see where I'm at in 2 hours.
I haven't really been following baseball too closely. I know the Cardinals are playing the Tigers in the World Series, but I really don't care. I'm sure I will watch though.
I get out of work at 5pm. The traffic is always bad, but even worse when I work overtime. Friday it is terrible. Then it hit me. People get out at 5:30 and 6:00, not 5pm like me. So at 5 it is bad but it is only going to get worse when people get out at 6pm. So when I work until 6pm, then I'm with everyone else and stuck in much longer traffic. It also explains why Friday, when people get out early, it is crazy packed on the way home. Oh how I hate that trip.
I need overdraft protection for my account. I just wanted to note that, won't talk about it, but it happens a lot. Each time I say I'll do it, but don't and each time I think, well there is no excuse for this to ever happen again, but it does.
Koki and Mia are due for their vet re-visit next week. They are not going to like that.
I can't remember in the morning what was making me upset the night before, maybe because I was looking for things and well that's silly
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