The Unimportant

"A fool and his money are soon parted." - Unknown

Life feels boring right now. This is aside from the fact I get to live each day and should be living life to the fullest. The real problem is that I am not and don’t have the motivation to face it with the upbeat energy and excitement I feel I should be. I just boring it seems, but at the same time I’m somewhat content. Now I think I am an interesting person, but right now my day to day life is just not too exciting, especially when you try to write it down. I don’t know what to do about it (does that infer I'm not content?). I wish I was part of some organized sport or had some sort of avenue to make a lot of money doing something I love. Right now I’m a student, but not the fun going out getting drunk type of student, and not even the working all the time doing my best type of student either. I feel like I want to get the next part of my life started prematurely. I also know that this is a great time in my life and I’ll be wishing one day to have it back. Maybe I just need a way to start feeling more fulfilled. What is my goal in life? To make money, be happy, make God happy, make others happy, have a great job, family, kids?? Maybe I just don’t feel like I am doing anything important. I think everyone wants to do something they feel is important that they are good at. Am I just being ungrateful?

I always like to have a plan. I don’t mind if the details aren’t filled in, but the general outline keeps me on track. Like family, I can’t be sure who I’m going to marry or when, but I do have a plan for what I hope my family life will be like, my home and how we will raise our kids. I don’t have a job, but I have a plan to get a job once I graduate, upgrade a year later and then start making real money, buy a home and a nicer car. So right now I have the plan to finish law school, study for the bar in Texas, take the bar (and God willing study hard enough to pass), move to the valley, rent an apartment and live there while I start building my life. Hopefully after a few years, I’ll be ready to get married and then start that phase of life. Then there is part of me that says, quit, come to California with me and let’s start over there together. I’ll even move to LA even though it is not San Diego, just somewhere new and warm. The problem is that it is unfair, unrealistic, an idea that has no real benefits and probably only a manifestation of the feeling that the grass is greener on the other side. Maybe I’m just scared, feel I am not living up to my potential and know there is something out there for me that isn’t just going to fall into my lap.

This is where I live my life, on the larger scale, on what the best move for is considering the future (my spending of course it the exact opposite of that). Why do I feel like the future will have some sort of magic, something I don’t have or understand now. The truth is I’ll have my degree, a job I don’t feel pays enough and I’ll be waiting until I have enough experience to get that real job and really start my life then. I need to figure out a way to stop doing this in my mind. Am I the only one that thinks about life this much and where I’m going and what I’m doing. Why does everyone else’s life just seem more exciting, full of more opportunity and overall less confusing.


You know, just talking about all that made me feel better, feel a little more relaxed and less anxious over what I can’t fully control.

There is a conference in Seattle coming up really soon. I had been planning since last year to attend and in that trip get a nice vacation and it would also be my first time visit to the other Washington. The land of Starbucks, WTO protests, the space needle, emerald city. My sister Vero is the only person in my family to have gone there and she actually thought of moving there at the time for work. I always wanted to see what a place my sister was thinking of moving to was like. I had looked up the tickets this summer and it was too expensive, and then it became a moot issue because Erika was coming to DC for her bday and to visit her sister in NYC. I was looking forward to that trip as was she, but due to circumstances out of our control, she won’t be able to come until another time. I hate that I’m going to miss Erika’s birthday since I think someone’s bday is a great day to spend with a person. I thought of going to visit her instead, the obvious first option, but I had already purchased 2 trips homes for later in the semester and a 3rd I don’t think I could pull off. Seattle would of become an option, but I can’t afford it, there is not enough time, don’t have a place to stay and don’t know anyone that is going to the conference. The only friend I had over there doesn’t like me much and getting days off of work would be very hard. So why am I thinking about it, maybe because I got an email the other day talking about the conference and it made me think about my next chance to visit a place like Seattle and it hit me that I won’t be traveling for some time.

starting all over