It is at this point in the semester when I start to accept that I am a terrible student and need to start figuring out a plan so that I can make it through this semester. School isn’t that hard for me, but what is hard is sitting down and doing the reading and spending the time necessary to learn all the information needed. I won’t belabor my reasons for not being a stellar student and I won’t outline a plan of action to do better because it all boils down to the simple – just do it. I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out why I’m not just doing it, but that has not worked yet. There are many papers due which scares me as well.
Herbert called me today. He is doing well. A New York native, he is living in California and moved there without a job, apartment or car. He didn’t even have that much money to get him by, but it is Hebert and he knows how to get by. Well he has good news to report. He has signed a lease on an apartment, has found a job and everything is coming together for him. I am really excited for him and with him the best of luck. It is almost like he is starting his real life now.
Has anyone been watching the news on Foley, the US congressman who wrote those sexually explicit emails to a young male page(s). Why is it always Republicans who have these type of values? The best part is that the party will be able to get out of this situation just like all the other ones. You have the gay porn press correspondent, De Lay, leaks, Cunningham, Abramoff, shooting a man in the face, stealing from Target and the list goes on. Yet, they always find a way to get out of this and blame democrats. A needless war, increasing terrorism in the world, terrible economic policy, Katrina….do we really need more? Watching our government drives me insane because a large majority of people still support the administration for irrational reasons. If democrats lose the midterm elections, we really have no hope. Wait, did I mention Allen’s racist remarks, the countless books talking about our plan to invade Iraq pre-9/11, no increase of minimum wage, Bin ladin determined to attack memo that was ignored, patriot act, no bin ladin, separation of church and state comments (former FL sec. of state), government contracts to Haliburton, Bolton at the UN, wiretaps, and oh yeah pro-torture. When will it just be enough? Am I just on the wrong side of all those issues? Maybe it is me, ok, we know its not. I hope people vote in November and I hope people stop buying the propaganda.
I fight. I never wanted to accept it, but I think the evidence is going to have to win out. I just argue with people too much. Maybe I can’t just let things go or am hyper sensitive, but I seem to make issue of many small things. Now in my defense, they are not that big deal to me individually, but when looked at as a whole, it looks like I just fight all time, when for me it is just a lot of small issues I don’t agree with that I wish to discuss. I need to learn to just let things go. I need to stop making a point out of very principle I think is important. Looking at relationships from my past, what benefits do I get now from arguments I had over principle, over how it would affect me in the future. Well it clearly doesn’t affect me know. I need to choose my battles more wisely and just let things go. Also, I need to learn to let others people’s issues go. When someone is mad, I question them until I find out why they are mad and try to solve the problem…this only seems to inflame the problem. I need to just let it go, let them be mad and let them bring it up if they want. I can’t worry about people harboring resentment towards me because it is too much work that just makes things worse. Also, I make problems and issues over things that are not there, just because I feel they might be there...like reading too much into something. I remember in a relationship early in college I was once told, did you and your ex fight this much? Now looking back over my life, I do fight a lot. Now, premise that with the fact my fights are not yelling matches and aren't the type where you treat someone badly, just normal arguments over stupid shit. I've seen bad fights, physical fights and the like and that I am glad I have no part of. So yes, I will continue to fight, but hopefully not as often and be more laid back than constantly judging the situation and the person.
At work today I had to drive down and file some paperwork with the court. I know this is one of those tasks that isn't very thought intensive, but it was very exciting for me. I felt like I was really part of the process, really doing something. There was a lot of getting lost on my drive, but that is due to the fact I'm rarely in Alexandria. I haven't been to work in a long time, so this was a good way to get back into the habit.
I finally got to make a return to Express of some clothes I bought while in Texas. I had these pants sitting there for well over a month and the idea of not returning them yet was just really stressed me out. I probably need that money back as well, so that helped. I return a lot of stuff, I think I should stop doing that. The problem is when you buy something you shouldn't and then say, oh well I might return it later and then you don't return it. The reason it took so long was that I haven't been to Tyson's Corner in a very long time. I haven't really had a reason to go and no one to shop with. I remember when I used to argue that it was one of the best malls, I guess my actions didn't live up to my words.
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