Grey's Anatomy

"Men are not against you; they are merely for themselves." - Gene Fowler

My plans for Spring Break have once again changed. I am no longer going to San Diego. Right now my plan is to stay in DC and maybe take a trip up to NYC. I guess I'll get to save money, plus my friend Sarah Beth will be visiting, so that should be cool.

This weekend, I spend Friday doing a lot of cleaning. Saturday, I decided to undertake another tv series watching venture. Terri and I watched the whole first season of Grey's Anatomy. I am very glad I took her advice. I had heard it that it was a good show, but I didn't think it would be as great as it was. I'm not a fan of the medical shows, and I do hate all the blood and surgery scenes (and since they are surgeons, they are a lot), but the show is great. I am now starting on season 2 and hopefully will be caught up soon.

I have the MPRE really soon. I need to start studying. I have a review course this upcoming weekend. It is just more reading on top of the reading I'm getting farther and farther behind.

I turned in some audiobooks late and my fee was 40 bucks...I got it reduced to 15 bucks, but I have no excuse for turning it in late. I'll never understand self defeating behavior, the part on why I do it so much.

Where is my leap year?

Staples

"Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor." - Queen Elizabeth I of England (1533-1603)

Monday I got my computer. I had quite the time playing with it and trying to get it just like I want. It sucks having to install lots of programs again, trying to figure out which are essential and how some of those even got on my computer. My life has been a chaotic mess and it seems all I have been working on is trying to get it up and running. My old hard drives don't fit, so I had to do some crazy ass stuff to figure out how to get my info from them onto the new one. I had it open and wires everywhere. I'm also formatting my old computer for my nephew. Hopefully all this will be taken care of by the weekend so that I can get more studying done...maybe that is why I'm spending so much time doing this stuff. I complain, but inside I'm happy.

Tuesday was an interesting day of work. I went to bed the night before at almost 4am, so come 7am I was pretty tired. I worked for a good hour and then went driving around to try and get 3000 copies made with a quick turnaround. I finally got Staples to do it, but killing an hour there sucked. I wish I had a book so I could read (should of thought of that) or my laptop. I got everything back to work and then got out of there late and made it to my meeting with my writing professor and my classes. I'm sitting in class right now thinking about nothing more than a good nap and a meal since I missed lunch. I guess that I could do without right now.

My Spring Break plans are coming together. I'm thinking San Diego. I've always wanted to go there. I've got people that are interested in doing something, but no one for sure yet. I invited my brother and sisters, but I don't yet know the details. So many hidden costs, hotel, car, food, fun. I need to remember that spring break will not be happening too often after next year, so I want to take advantage of it.

Tuesday night, I watched the Olympics for the first time. I had the girls short program ice skating on while I finished working on my nephews computer. I don't know any of the skaters, and somehow I felt like I was just waiting for Kwan to skate. The one person I am rooting for is Sasha Cohen, who skated last and was the only program I fully watched. In my mind, she is famous for falling or choking when it really counts, but she did great and is now in first. It's funny, all I was thinking was don't fall, don't fall. I'm sure the rest of America was watching American Idol.

Today I read about the Powerball winners. My brother told me about it first, and I didn't want to hear it because I was still mad I didn't win. Talk about irrational, mad that I was one in over 100million. Point is, man, these guys really deserved it. Not that they were special, but I like when working class people get rich...you just feel that they will appreciate it more. Good for them.

I didn't go to Barristers ball this year. Hopefully I'll get to go next year.

I met a student in my Criminal law class. He is also in my Con Law class, and I thought I was the only person that had those classes back to back. He seemed like a pretty cool guy. I should really make a better effort at making friends.

talking at Tysons

New Dell

"Repartee is what you wish you'd said." - Heywood Broun

This why I don't like poets. "They say 'the sky's the limit' but i always thought the sky was limitless. -DC street poet I saw once upon a time..." - hence why the sky is the limit, because of its limitlessness...that is what the saying means...there is no limit. I think there was a poet football player on Notre Dame's team...I bet he could beat up all the other poets, by himself.

My new computer was supposed to get here on Friday, but instead due to a UPS mistake, I will be getting it on Monday. I also work on Monday, a day that was going to be a day off. I don't have the day off of school, so I guess it is better that I'll be making some money. Do you know Dell has a 15% restocking fee? Think long and hard before you pick a computer.

Friday night I watched the documentary Murderball. I had heard that it was good, but I just didn't think it could be that interesting. I was wrong, it was really damn awesome. I am very happy I saw it. I recommend it. I was just impressed on how it was put together and the different messages it had. It wasn't a feel good movie, but it was definitely emotionally moving.

Saturday I ran some errands like dropping off dry cleaning, checking out some tapes from the Library and to buy some powerball tickets. I used my trip to DC to pick up some Burger King, a fastfood restaurant that just doesn't have a presence around here. I purchased my lucky numbers, but it was a hassle. I didn't win the powerball.

AIM
Hyadus: I missed the con law day we talked about law school affirmative action
Rick: so you missed the argument about how minorities don't value education
Rick: how fitting
Hyadus: lol

always on my mind

Three Years in a Flash

"Don't You Forget About Me

Don't Don't Don't Don't

Don't You Forget About Me."

- Simple Minds - Don't You.

Oops, I forgot about a lot of you. But the song sounded really good back then. Wasn't high school great? I feel like I only remember a handful of people, but Myspace is really starting to change that. Nothing like 80s music to help you space out while working on a paper.

I spent all night working a paper. The routine gets old, but it still happens. I am the worst student ever. I wasn't even sleepy, but I just didn't want to be writing it. I really enjoy law school, this is exactly what I want to be doing, what I want to be learning, but somehow my mind likes to make things hard on me. Isn't that the story about everything. Luckily, I got a few good hours of sleep and then did my editing with a fresh mind in the morning.

So it has been 3 years since my older sister Vero passed away. Man how time passes. Last year I spend this day in Miami, the year before that in DC, and when it happened I was in DC on my way back from Willamsburg in a snow strom. It is a series of days that is a blur, but is also very vivid. I'll never forget the urgent phone messages, my calls to my family including Vero that went unanswered. I knew from the second I heard Ana's voice someone has died, but I didn't know who. I literally dropped the phone. I had just been in an argument in the hour before that and now everything else seemed so meaningless. My entire body hurt. I went outside to shovel snow from our parking spot so that we could park the car and those 45 mins in the freezing cold couldn't numb the pain. I just wanted to get my mind off of it and not be a complete wreak. I don't know why I want to visit these memories, but I had never felt so helpless in my life as I did everything I could to get to Texas in the middle of a snow storm. The details you can probably find on my blog somewhere, but what I'll never forget is how all I could think was that life was forever going to be changed. I wondered if I had been a good enough brother, if I fully appreciated her, if I made the most of our relationship. You go from sadness to complete anger, but you have no one to be angry with.

As each year passes, you worry that memories will fade, that she will be the memory of my sister and not my sister. I don't know what to say when people ask me how many brothers and sisters I have. I remember the last time I was home, only two months before, sitting her her bed as she shared with me what was going on in her life, asking for my advice. And then you think that so many people go through this, sometimes in much worse ways and what kills you is that you know you are going to have to go through it again.

All I have left is pictures, stories and the memories that get more hazy as time passes. It is hard to explain, but it is a selfish pain, one that you feel guilty when you don't have, and one that makes you indifferent to other people's pain. I hope that if one day I have a little girl, I'll get to name her Veronica after the aunt she never got to know, but whose spirit she know from her cousins Bekka and Jamie. I really hope she can see what I am doing with my life and that she is still as proud as she always was of me.

Wednesday I played in the $300 million powerball. I had a feeling that I would win, but that feeling did not come true. That didn't stop me from figuring out how I would spend all that money. I did win $8, but it is nothing compared to what I put in, plus almost half of that is owned by other people that purchased shares. I need to be a millionare already. Nobody else won, which actually made me happy...you know the if I can't have her, no one can have her. Now it is up to $365 million...great. We have a plan of selling powerball tickets on the street, but I doubt it is going to happen.

making bad decisions

The Expectations

"Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone - but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding." - Bette Davis (1908 - 1989)

Do you know 75% of women are married by the age of 30? Assume 15% are non-bisexual gay women and that is 90%, which happens to be the same number as the women that will marry in their lifetime. I saw this on CNN. So this means that if I ever got married in my 30s, I'd be picking from the 25% of women left. Luckily guys can marry much younger girls. Well that will take place of a Vday entry, except, today when I went for lunch, I had never seen so many messengers carrying roses before. Maybe it was because of the office buildings. I didn't get any flowers.

It sucks trying to separate this date from being a precursor to another date. I think that will always make it harder. I guess those memories will always vividly be in my mind and our conversation about Valentine's Day we had only a short time before. It is also a way that I will never forget.

My worst fear is that I am going to lose all my files. Even if I back them up, whatever new ones I create after that I'll lose, so I don't have very good backups. Well, I bought a new mouse and in the process destoryed my computer. I didnt' have access to it for hours and when I finally forced my way in, I had messed it up beyond repair. Good news is that I have access to my files...bad news is that I lost all my programs and nothing works on my computer. So, to deal with this, I'm getting a new desktop, transfering all my files over and then reformatting my old computer and giving to my nephew. Until then, I have no desktop, but luckily my laptop is still working.

Here is my new trick for not skipping class. (sucks it doesn't work too well). I decide I don't want to go and accept that. (that was the old plan). But now I go instead and feel like I have one free skipping class pass I can use when ever I want. The problem is that after the one time I actually go when I don't want to, I feel like I can keep missing b/c that pass I just love using it over and over.

Ok, I am pretty pissed about CBS pulling Love Monkey. I thought it was a great show and now they have canceled it after only 3 shows. That is such bullshit. Instead of letting them play out their final shows they are playing reruns of other shows in its place. I blame them for taking a week off and not promoting it well. Plus, 10pm time slot isn't the best. I was looking forward to watching that tonight.

Here are some cool links to some interesting articles. The first is one that most guys can understand.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38704

I love how republicans love staying out of people's lives. Free market my ass. I guess this might be a good way to find out which girls to ask out.

http://www.bloggingbaby.com/2006/02/13/kansas-attorney-general-requires-reporting-of-everyone-who-has-s/

Ah, Valentine's Day. A day of guilt wrapped in anxiety surrounded by feelings of inadequacy.

Love & Sex

"Two people can be perfect for each other but if the timing's wrong its never going to work out. Bad timing is the reason that most normal people end up single. Weirdos and creeps are single because they are weird and creepy, but people like us are single because we are the victims of bad timing."

"Falling in love is beautiful. We do it for one reason... Nothing in the world makes us feel so good."

"Love is ecstasy and agony, freedom and imprisonment, belonging and lonliness; it's what keeps us together when life tears us apart."

"The longer you are with one person, the more annoying they will become...so, if you want things to be perfect, don't be in a relationship."

"As you move on in your search for love, sex if the fast way to erase the past."

"I like being depressed. It makes me feel deep and introspective."

- Love & Sex - Movie Quotes

Friday night, I saw the Aristrocrats. I didn't know what to expect and have to admit, it did push the limits. I will summarize the documentary in a short joke, which of course takes the whole documentary to completely understand. Guy goes into a talent agency to pitch his act. “What do you do?” asks the agent. “We come out and crap on the stage.” “What do you call yourselves?” “The Aristocrats.” I recommend watching the special features as well.


A friend recommended watching the movie Love and Sex. It came out in 2000 and I had actually seen it before, probably back in 2000, but I had forgotten much well most of what it was about and it wasn't until halfway through the movie that I remembered I had even seen it before. It is remarkable how a movie can have a much different meaning at different points of your life. At this point, it was definitely more impactful. I thought it was a great movie and recommend it.

The snow has come and now everything is covered in inches of snow. I thought of going outside to make a snowman, but then I remembered it was cold, so I stayed inside.

I cheese sandwich you.

Tonight I Drink

"There's a lot to be said for self-delusionment when it comes to matters of the heart." Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider, Northern Exposure, First Snow, 1993

The snow is coming, the snow is coming. If I were a child I'd be estatic. This weekend brings us a lot of snow. It has probably snowed like once or twice this entire winter and that was back in 2005. Hopefully it won't stay around long, but it has been really cold these past few days. I should probably start wearing my scarf and other winters things like gloves.

I'm having this problem at work. I'm typing in information and my mind is thinking one thing and my hands are typing another. Small unimportant things like a 27 instead of a 28. I find this weird because I take for granted my entries because I know I pay attention to detail well, yet it is like my mind is wandering and I'm making small mistakes that I never made before. I wonder what it could be. You might notice a lot of them in my writing since I don't usually go back and re-read this stuff and now I don't even do spell check, so you get to witness my great spelling first hand.

how fucked up is it that that ones we treat worse are the ones who treat us better

Everything will always be ok

"Oh how you sparkle. And oh how you shine. That flush on your cheeks. I s more than the wine. And he must do something. That I didn’t do. Whatever he’s doing. Look’s good on you. You look so good in love. You want him. That’s easy to see. You look so good in love. I wish. You still wanted me. I had my chances. But I set you free. And now I wonder. Why I couldn’t see. You look so good in love. I wish. You still wanted me." - George Strait - You Look So Good In Love.

Today I looked at my skin, and I am losing any semblance of my former color. Luckily, I'm naturally tan, but am much lighter than I used to be when I actually got some sun. I guess it is all relative, but even when the sun is out, I am not one to lay out in the sun to get tanned. Maybe this is just another way to bitch about it being 30 degrees outside. I figured I'd mention it because I happened to notice it. I like hot places...but not too hot. I hear great things about San Diego.

I got my first writing grade back. I got good news and bad news. The good news is that I got the second highest grade in the class. That made me feel awesome. The bad news was that I forgot about the assignment and turned it in a day late, which ended up giving me the lowest grade in the class due to the deduction (but I did have company with similar grades.) This is a true test of the moral victory. It was only worth 5% so I'm not going to stress. Project 2 is coming up.

Here is a concern I keep thinking about...do I upset God by my actions and ridcule of stupid Christians. Not in a general sense of worrying about upseting God, cause I don't think in those terms, but in a being a bad Christian type of way. I value my ability to reason and think and maybe use these gifts in ways that might not be fair. Almost any religious talk I hear I tend to file in the bullshit category and worst is that most of that stuff I genuinely feel that way. It pisses me off and makes me angry. A lot of religous talk is stupid...watch the 700 club and count how many times they ask for money or people using Gods name for doing anything. Point being, do I over do it when I attack these people, outloud, in my mind and in my heart.

Here is an example. I was listening to a song the other day about a chick in a car with her daughter in the back seat and her car starts skidding and spinning. So she trusts in the Lord and lets him take the wheel. It is actually a moving song and in the end I did enjoy it for its meaning, but then I think about what it really means. I mean, if she meant, actually letting go of the wheel, then she is negligent and is stupid for risking her baby's life without trying to help. She would deserve to go to jail. That is like trying to heal a person with only prayer when they have a sickness that can be easily cured with medicine (and prayer). So maybe she meant she prayed to God (I'm all for that) and had him guide her hands to help get control of the car. That I'm all for. But she clearly said she let go and let him take the wheel. That is called giving up and blaming God...I don't like it...I think one should ask the Lord to help them not to do their work for them. Sometimes you have to just let go and trust in the Lord, I believe in that too, but you do it when you have done the best you can and there isn't anything left to do but wait. So instead of being redundant, you relax and trust that what happens it out of your hands. So I'm here looking at a song some people will find inspirational and all it ends up doing is pissing me off. It is like the argument that I have the right to dissent, but then I'm called unpatriotic, but I feel more patriotic because I actually think and dissent.

Continuing, I have the problem that I think most people are idiots and they keep trying to prove that I am right. This isn't my way of thinking that I'm better than anyone else because the Lord knows the company I keep makes me truly understand how much more I could know and how smart so many people are. But still, when people act stupid, I get angry. People act stupid over religion more than anything because they feel they have devine justification for their actions -- nothing is more harmful than that. Not all people, but some and in our country it seems like a lot. They use the name of the Lord to damn people to hell to promote their agendas and to get rich by giving people what they need most...meaning and hope. So I always view the topic with much skeptism and approach it that way. The thing is, sometimes a little fiction isn't harmful, it can be positive and make people feel better and why be the party pooper. Why tear down people's dreams and beliefs if they are doing no harm (other than being wrong in my view). Here is an example, assuming I'm right and I believe in the correct God, Buddists under this assumption would be clearly wrong. So I could go in and say how stupid they are, but that religion seems to have such positive benefits and great teachings. So their fiction (in my view) is a positive thing. Can't I treat Christianity in the same way in areas that are not blatantly offensive?

I remember seeing a famous person on tv talking about his drug use and he said something about where he got to the point where he had to take drugs to feel awake and drugs to fall asleep. At first I couldn't understand that because it made me think, well how can you have the problem of not being able to sleep and not being able to stay awake at the same time. I think I get it now. I feel this way now, I feel like I need caffinee to stay away and have such trouble falling asleep. I feel like I have the problems a lot of students have, but not because I'm up late studying, but just because I can't sleep. I've been getting a lot better lately and my hope is to one day wake up and just feel awake and alert (after those 10mins of drowsiness time.)

"I would say..." is a term I use and hear a lot in law school as an answer. It is a way of distancing yourself from your statement. If you are right, well you are right great...if you were wrong...well it was only what you "would say" not what you actually think or did say. It is a small difference, but nothing feels worse than being wrong. There is a limit to this...like saying well on the one and and on the other...that is stupid...pick a side and then maybe attack the other side a bit just to show you know of it so they can't come back with that.

a tiger can never change its stripes

No Choice is a Choice

"Living together is different than being married. You can just get up and leave when shit hits the fan." - Sopranos

I have so many extra bags of chips around my house because of the superbowl. I'm actually getting tired of having chips as a side of every meal. It can't be healthy. My running isn't progressing as great as I would want, but I am still racking up those stickers. So far I've got running and upper body into my schedule, but not lower body. I know everybody hates lower body, but I need to find a way to work on it. When I am in the gym, I'm thinking, hell I'm here, might was well do something worth it like running or bench...who needs leg lifts and squats. I'll figure it out, but at least I'm moving in the right direction.

I am very happy with my new humidifier. My house is now free from all the white dust that previously covered it with my old one. The problem is that I have yet to clean it and all the minerals stick to the metal plate, and they are hard to take off. I need to get a special cleaner I think. Also, the water runs out very fast...which might be a good thing because it means more is getting into the air, but refilling is a job. There must be a reason they dont have the hole on top, cause that would rock. I'd probably never clean it though.

I have some crazy ideas sometimes, and today I tried one of them. My enjoyment of audiobooks made me try to think of ways to use my time driving to and from work better. So what I did was get my case briefs for class today and I converted them to pdf. Then I had the program read them outloud. I connected a wire from the output to the input jack of my computer (i'm sure there is a better way) and I recorded the audio of Adobe reading back to me. Then I burned the file to a CD and listened to it on my drive to work. It didn't work out so great. The program talked too fast and I don't yet know how to edit those settings. But it is a good start. I know Microsoft has a program that can do this, so this weekend I'll put some time into it and maybe get the voice software to read at a pace where I understand it and hopefully I'll be able to record it to where the voice isn't too loud and is easier to listen to.

I don't know why I keep reading Pooch Cafe, but it is an addictive cartoon or maybe I'm sentimental. Do a google search for it and it comes right up. There are days when it is really funny, but even on the days that it isn't very funny, it is still good because the main character (a dog), has a lot of character to him. It is his character that makes the entire cartoon. It isn't that wonderfully drawn, but there is great attention to detail and like I said, it is funny.

Sometimes you have to make a decision that is right, but not always what you want. You need to be able to wake up in the morning and look at yourself and be proud of your decisions instead of wondering if you compromised your integrity. There is a just a line and if you cross it, well then there won't be a line anymore. Sometimes it is not your decision, but one you have to make anyway.

Someone once told me that it isn't fair to give a person a second chance before giving someone else a first chance. I took this to heart and the thought lingered with me and later helped me make up my mind. I have now learned that giving someone a first chance doesn't insure that it is going to work. I never thought that being with me would be considered an extreme on the spectrum of what a person would want. At some point you just feel emotionally drained, like, damn I'm going to have to go through all this crap again. I'm great at burning bridges, but wouldn't a greater feat of character be to just walk away from a bridge without burning it, knowing I'll never return to it again. Isn't burning it my way of insuring I won't be weak and try to return. Then again not burning it is also a way of leaving a door open for a plan b....who the fuck wants to be a plan b...nah I like the fire...and the momentary peace it brings you knowing that things are different. Burned bridges are not all gone forever...but when a person can get over with a bridge, it probably took a lot of hard work and dedication...maybe they deserve to be heard out...maybe they should just be pushed back into the water.

The past has a funny way of showing up when you least expect it. I'm always amazed at the amount of information my brain can forget, but even more amazed about the information I didn't even know I remembered when it all comes back in a flash. A single moment, sound, image, can bring images and memories rushing back, feeling like they are just in touch. Especially words, smells and more generally songs, and pictures. I'll be walking by and see a car, I will get a knot in my stomach before I even understand why...and then what feels like moments later, my body's reaction starts to bring up the memory that caused it. Sometimes I'll smell something, feel a certain way, sit and think why and then it hits me...other times I know right off the bat. From the smell of the 4 grade hallway, a random day on the metro, that booth in a restaurant, or a movie that came out a long time ago. They all remind me of people, of events in my life, of myself at other times. Then there is the most random, just random thoughts that pop in my head, that had no current reason for doing so. The CVS store by my apartment in Miami, the drive to school there...that one day at lunch. Some of these flashbacks feel better than others, some I try to block, others I try to figure out how I forgot. Above all, the biggest impact on me is smell, and I have a terrible sense of smell, but those come so unexpected, at least songs or images makes sense, but that perfume, or a certain outdoor tree, it can hit like a ton of bricks.

I always feel like I'm trying to put my life back to together. Trying to get past one setback or emotionally straining time or another. Then it finally hit me, I have never had my life together. I don't know where I would have to get to say, oh yes, I have my life together. Being in good shape didn't seem to do the trick. (Though I'm starting work on that anyway.) Relationships just change ones concerns from girls in general to the ins and outs of on particular girl. So I probably got it as together as I'm ever going to get it.

Sometimes you say things hoping you are wrong, but it hurts more finding out you were right

Superbowl XL

It is remarkable, in cats, that the outer life they reveal to their master is one of perpetual confident boredom. All they betray of the hidden life is by means of symbol; if it were not for the recurring evidence of murder - the disemboweled rabbits, the headless flickers, the torn squirrels - we should forever imagine our cats to be simple pets whose highest ambition is to sleep in the best soft chair, whose worst crime is to sharpen their claws on carpeting. -Robley Wilson, Jr.

Fortunately, my cats don't get to commit these types of murders, but I'm sure they would if they were outdoor cats.

Superbowl Sunday has come and gone. The Bus finally got his Superbowl, and it's going to be a long time until next season. I guess I'll get by with basketball, some hockey playoffs and maybe even some summer baseball. Mark and I had a few people over to watch the game. We had pizza, beer, a lot of chips, wings and other random superbowl treats. The game was not to exciting considering both teams started playing very bad, but it kept me very interested. I love being able to rewind the plays I want to see again, maybe too much sometimes. The Steelers were favorites and the Seahawks just played terrible enough to make it easy for them to win without any impressive displays. I guess who I am to say, I may never have a Superbowl ring in my lifetime. (Yes, look at that may closely, team owners can get rings, hell they get the trophy.)

We were watching all the mvps come out from former superbowls. Mark told us the story about how his dad, or as Mark would say, "Dad," went to Superbowl I. It is a pretty cool story. So he is watching tv with his son and they are showing highlights of a game. Mark's dad saw it and said, "ah, I think I might of been at that game, what game is that?" His son was like, "Dad, that is Superbowl I!" He dad said that yeah, it wasn't a big deal. Him and a friend happened to be in town when there was the AFC-NFC championship game, they had nothing better to do, so they walked up to the stadium and bought tickets that same day and just sat down to watch a football game. Who would of known that that game would later end up being the crazy spectacle it is today.

Superbowl commericals are like birthdays and valentine's day, a lot of build up and antcipation and in the end just a let down from your expectations. This year was no different. There were some funny ones I do admit, most of them beer commericals. I wonder why they tend to have the best commericals. I wonder if they let tobacco advertise if they would have great commericals, make people forget how bad it is for you. I did enjoy the theft deterance, the magic frig, and guy who hid bud lights around the office.

I'm not a big drinker, but when I do drink I tend to drink enough to get buzzed. This weekend I drank on Saturday night and again on Sunday. That is leaving me feeling not too great today. It isn't a hangover, just an aching body. I'm sure all the over eating probably does not help much. I bet when I run this evening I'm not going to feel so amazing.

So Saturday night, I sat down with beer, a bottle of jack and the Motorcycle Diaries. It is a spanish movie about Che's motorcycle trip along South America. Maybe I understand spanish better when I drink, but it was a good excuse. I enjoyed the movie and it actually makes me want to take a trip like that one day. Everytime I take road trips all I do is focus on my goal of getting there. Like a horse with blinders on I drive, sometimes over a period of days, not looking at where I'm at, but just waiting for the moment when I finally arrive. There is no smelling of the roses for me. Mark had already seen the movie, but he saw the 2nd half with me and he put it best when he said he would like to see a movie where we see how that guy becomes the famous Che guy. I'm sure there are very good books on it, and probably some movies, but I have yet to read or see them. I have a documentary on Castro coming in soon, hopefully that will be good. What I will never get is how people with seemingly laudful ideals and great visions of a world with no poor end up getting power based on those views and then become dictator assholes. Even that Chavez guy, a lot of what he says is awesome, but he is still a dictator asshole. There is a disconnect there that I do not understand. It can't be as easy as, power corrupts, there has to be something else, a missing piece I just don't understand. If you gave mother theresa a country, would she become evil? Well the movie was just about their travels and the people they saw along the way.

Sunday, I woke up early. I can never sleep when I was drinking the night before, and I was also snoring. By early I mean like around 9:30am or so. So I decide to go run errands. I first take my truck to get washed. I had a coupon that got me 8 dollars off the 18.00 carwash. That is a great deal if you ask me. It feels so good to be in a clean car. I try to keep my truck clean, but over time you can't help but have your truck start to accumlate dirt, especially the mats. One problem I have at this place is that they have like 10 people working on quickly cleaning and your car after it comes out of the car wash thing. It is impressive as each one does their own part, but much different from the place I would go in Miami where you had one guy go through it himself...I don't know which is better. The problem is that I like to tip the guy who does the fine cleaning of my truck, maybe because I feel guilty for not being the person cleaning it myself. Since there are so many people, they have a box where you put money and they all split the tips. The box is far from them and no one see you put money in. You don't get the satifaction of giving them the money and having them see that you choose to give them that much more. Most people didn't even tip, (I always pay attention). I almost feel the need not to tip, I still do, but there has to be a better way. Maybe I just tip for my own good feeling and I don't get that putting money in a random dark box where no one notices me. It is interesting to see why we do things.

So as I'm awake Sunday morning, it makes me wonder why I felt so awake. It sucks that it had to come with the crappy feeling of being hungover, but I didn't feel like I normally do in the morning, like I'm dragging. I didn't get much sleep the night before, so it couldn't be that. Usually when I sleep more than 10 hours I end up feeling more tired when I get up. Go figure. I'd love to wake up in the morning and feel awake and energetic. For now I'll just rely on caffinee.

I saw the movie Good Luck and Good Night. I liked the black and white style, but when too many movies start doing it then I don't enjoy it as much. I think the movie speaks for itself, but Clooney is on a roll.

everything, but talking

More Mild Winter

“I don’t want something I need, I want something I want.” - Love Actually

I talked to Abram today...I found out that Eliza is having lunch today with Aidan from Sex and the City. I don't know who that guy is, but here is the story. He was coming to town to promote something (maybe music) and the radio had a contest for having lunch with him. So for fun, Eliza wrote in and said why she should be the one they pick. She talked about not having a lot of luck with guys recently and I guess stuff like that. Well, she won. She got to take another person with her, so she took Ana. I'll probably get more details on how the whole thing went, but I thought that was kind of cool that my sisters are having lunch with a former HBO actor.

I spent Wednesday night cleaning. I cleaned out my entire porch and set up the room with a TV and all my equipment. Hopefully that will make the room more useful. I then cleaned up the living room a bit and washed all the dishes. We tend to let the dishes pile up until you are eating soup with forks and using plates as bowls. I don't like using the dishwasher. My feeling is that you put in stuff with food on it that is caked on and never comes off. But the other option is that I hand wash all the dishes which is damn hard when you let them all pile up. Well I found a middle ground, I half ass wash everything and then put it in the dishwasher (which I think is the correct process anyway). So now all my dishes are washed.

The Groundhog said that we are going to have 6 more weeks of winter. Luckily, it will be a mild winter so I don't mind. I wonder why we continue this celebration. I hope I get today right because it feels like the type of day I could live over and over and choose different choices that will impact my future. Today's version, well it wasn't too interesting.

There are negative thoughts that I need to get out of my life. Here is the first one, "5 more minutes." The next one is "it is just one class, I can miss one class." Oh yeah and "I'm only 30 minutes late to work." They can destory your life. Right now I fight them with sure willpower, but that gives out over time. I need to find new ways to think about these things. Nothing can change that I'm always going to want more sleep. Even if I got to bed early or very late, more always feels better than less.

people have nothing to say for a reason