Moving

"He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help." - Abraham Lincoln

Tuesday after work, I went to help my friend Gissele move. I had never been to her place before, so it was cool I got to see the old and the new. I had to take 495 and the traffic was terrible after work and I was running out of gas. I get too anxious I think. I should probably relax more. I got to her place which was near King Street metro near old town. Different parts of DC have such different memories for me, I'm always fighting with my mind over that. I met up with a lot of her friends who had from Utah/Idaho. First I have to say Gissele is one of the nicest people I have ever met. Nice people worry me, I seem to find them fake and judgmental. Her on the other hand, is sincerley nice, which is really cool. She got us sandwhiches for helping. The moving was hard work, involving stairs and pickups, but I did a good job and maybe this small workout will expand. So let me tell you about her friends. They were really cool people. A few seemed to be very kind Church going folks, which I always worry about too, but they were on the level. There were two couples, both younger than me both newly weds. It was like the hometown girl and the hometown guy type of thing. One girl reminded me so much of Natalie Portman for some reason. They were all very nice to me. It is cool to have friends to help you move.

When I was in San Marcos, Texas, my sister Ana, and brother Abram and I were sitting in Abram's room talking. He as this small statute from our old house and Ana asked me if I had anything that I kept with me from the old house, or just home. I thought about it, and I didn't have anything. I couldn't even think of anything I really would want either at that moment. Then yesterday I'm driving and this picture of this old antique wind up clock my grandmother had popped into my head. It was one of those things that was just always in the background, always there at her house as I was growning up. It was premature, but I called her up and asked her if she had it (intending to ask her if I could have it). She told me it stopped working. I told her I didn't mind. Then she said it was gone. I kept asking if it might be at her old house, but she just kept saying she was sure she no longer had it. So, if there could be one thing I would want that would remind of growing up at my grandparents, I think that clock would be it.

So I am completely caught up with the series Big Love. I actually don't find it too interesting, but once you start watching something you get invested and well feel like you should finish. I can't wait for Deadwood to be back.

sometimes people change and leave you behind, others it is you that changed

Happy Birthday

"Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want." - Unknown

My three day weekend is now over. Memorial Day weekend is always one where I don't know how to feel at times. May 28th is my sister Veronica's birthday. I should be keeping track of how old she would be each year, but in my mind she will always be 29. I never know how to celebrate, I mean birthday's are a day to celebrate life and its the one day of the year that belongs to that person. This was her day and I don't know what to do. I can't just buy her a present or a card like I could my family, I can't do anything it feels like, but I can remember her and make it a point to think about her more. What did end up making my day was an email from my niece Rebekkah reminding it was her mom's birthday. That small moment is the moment that I'll take away from the day.

May 30th is Abram's birthday. I've made it down for a lot of his birthdays but this year the timing didn't work out. He was able to go home and spend the weekend with the family so that was good.

May 29th was my friend Julia's 21st birthday. We went out on Sunday night. Mark came with me and we had a very good time. I had given up drinking after my trip home, but I picked right back up pretty easily. We got to hang out with her friends and it was a nice time. By the end of the night we were pretty drunk. Mark and I jump into a cab and ask him to drive us to the McDonalds by our house. Now, our plan was to get food and walk the half mile home downhill. I sobered up enough to remember you walk through a drive through, so we asked the taxi to drive threw for us. We had to pay him more, but never in my life had I ordered fast food in the back of a taxi drunk. Since we were paying more, we just had him drive us home, which was probably the best decision.

I played a lot of poker this weekend. I'm working on getting a lot of experience while reading poker books on my downtime. Mark is getting really good, but his tight agressive play plus his larger bankroll are helping him move up the ranks really quickly. He was close to qualifying for the world series of poker this weekend. I'm trying to master the small stakes tables and then work my way up. I really need to work harder at this since once school starts in August, I won't have anymore time for liesure reading until after the bar exam.

On memorial day, Shawna had a bbq at their new place. It was nice, not the best of neighborhoods, but only a few blocks away from where I live. The house was great though, much nicer than the one I live in. They are really great about doing fun stuff like that.

I'm financially in dire straights. I've dug a hole that is going to take me 10 years to get out of. I've always banked on my potential earning capacity as my justification, but the truth of the matter is that I have been irresponsible. I've never worried about my student debt and just run it up as much as I can, but that in itself is a problem, but still not one I'm going to worry about. I see people who manage their money well and are frugal and smart and I feel like I don't have that self control. I made a comment about trying to stay out of default until I can sit for the bar so that I get a chance to sit for the bar, but someone told me that staying out of default shouldn't be my end goal. That is when it started to hit me how my approach is like quicksand. I don't have a solution, but need to start seeing it as a problem.

selfish

More Silence

"Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow." - Helen Keller

I had been getting to work late for a variety of reasons. So last night I fall asleep early. Then, unexpectedly, I get a phone call late at night. I knew better than to answer it, but I did. By the time I got to bed, any advantage I had gotten from falling asleep early had been lost and the morning was just as hard. But I pulled my self together and got in my truck and even to work half an hour early. It also happens to be the same day my very punctual bosses show up an hour late. I'm one of those people that thrives on praise and acceptance, which means when I do something good I like to have someone say, 'hey great job' or even just see it. I know it is good things you do when no one is watching that shows your true character, but I already think I'm awesome, I don't need to prove it to myself. If I let myself down, well I'm the first to forgive.

I'm starting to feel better from those headaches I have been having. I've decided they have something to do with my sinues even though my allergies haven't been as bad as they were before finals. I just want to go back to feeling normal. Speaking of, I need to make some big important lifestyle changes. I see myself headed down a path of high blood pressure, expanding waistlines and decreased enjoyment of life and I know I need to start eating right and all that bull we all know but don't do. The way things are works for me, but it is slowly making things worse. I can fight it and change it for a while, but I know I'll go back to it because it is so easy. How do you make yourself want something? Is it out of fear? Fear I might get sick, fear the hotness of the women I date will depend in part upon how unhealthy I'm becoming. That isn't a good way to live I don't think. I need to figure it out and do it fast because well the reality of the fear is growing and a bigger monster is harder to kill than a smaller monster even though I know how to kill both, but don't know how to keep the smaller one from delveloping.

I watched OutFoxed the documentary on Fox News. Some people say it is a very good movie on how biased Fox is, but I say that it outstanding, even though you probably won't care. I just felt like, ah Fox, you assholes, look at you, you kidder you. I feel like we have just accepted the way they work and feel like it is just part of the way things work. I liked the part about the Fox Effect and how because it makes them so much money their tactics were spreading into other news networks, which, well that part really pisses me off.

I had dinner with my friend Julia. She is about to turn 21 years old and hopefully her bday party will be fun. I always forget she is a year younger than my little brother. She turned out to be a pretty good friend. What I think is cool about Julia other than the who she is part, is that she comes at this world with completely different experiences than me. From where she grew up to her views on school, money and her work ethic. They are all remarkably mature and a lot more disciplined than mine. I probably didn't think about half the stuff she thinks about when I was her age. I had no clue how law school worked at that age, yet due to her boyfriend, she knows the drudge of barbri and the bar exam, how to pick schools, how the job application process works. I did not even have a real office job until after I graduated from college and she has had many. I don't know, sometimes you look at people and you just think, good job.

It is memorial day weekend and my plans for going to AC and winning lots of poker money has not panned out. This is probably for the best since I haven't been able to take down the 5 cent 10 cent games yet, which should probably come first. I think I'm going to start to get my life together. My room is a mess, my house is a mess, my fridge is empty and its like a tornado has hit my life. From papers to books to highlighters all over the place sprinkled with mail. I don't even know where to start, maybe unpacking.

So I have finished watching the last season of the OC. I stopped watching the show due to conflicts and just DVRed them thinking I might watch later. It took me a lot of TV watching, but now I am done with the season finale. My guess is that they will do one more season just like that 70s show and then end the series.

mind on poker

Headaches

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -Emerson

Here is something I am worried about. I don't fear germs as much I am supposed to. I don't chronically wash my hands like I see other people do. I mean I wash them at appropriate times like in a restroom, but I never get to a restaurant and go wash my hands so I can get ready to eat since my hands have been busy all day. I know germs exist, I have seen them make me sick, yet I don't fear them enough to take many precautionary measures. This probably isn't a good habit.

I can't wait to see the new Al Gore movie about global warming. I think it is called The inconvienient truth. Seems like weather wise things are getting and are going to get a lot worse, so why not look into what may be causing the problems.

So I'm feeling nice and clean today. Last night we opened up the wall (well there was a hatch) and inspected the pipes. It was funny b/c we had no clue what we were doing, so instead after 10 mins of "well that looks normal" (knowing we had no clue what normal was), we just decided to buy more drano and half and hour later the clog went away. This is something I never thought I would be dealing with when I was 12...I thought I'd spend my adult life eating candy all day and driving from the amusement park to the theater doing as much fun stuff as I wanted. Instead, here I am trying to figure out how to unclog a drain. Well, I didn't actually do much if any work, I mainly watched tv while my roommate took care of stuff.

Today our intern started. He is a cool kid. It is nice having someone else here. Today they had him busy with a lot of projects, but we took some time to work on a will and he picked it up really fast. It will be nice to have someone else working here.

I feel like I'm glad that I am not doing barbri this summer. I just wouldn't have the energy to wake up each day for class and then study at night for 2 long months. Maybe it is because I know I have an entire year ahead of me and if I was done then I might not mind working hard since I'll be done forever.

I know a person can get sued for what they write on their blog. I wonder if I have ever written anything where I would be liable for defamation or some other type of action. Sometimes I just say things and later I forget. Plus, I can tell someone something when I'm angry and it fades as time passes, but if I write it down, it stays the same no matter how much time has passed.

washington, dc

Broke and Working

"Sometimes when you look back on a situation, you realize it wasn't all you thought it was. A beautiful girl walked into your life. You fell in love. Or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation, or maybe just a brief moment of vanity." - Henry Bromel

I got home Monday night at 3am. I watched the Spurs lose in overtime. That really sucked. At least the Suns won. My apartment was a mess, but I left it in quite the mess, so that will be a project for the next few weeks. So cats are nothing like dogs, when you are gone a long time, they just ignore you and slowly start being more normal instead of being all happy and shit. I think I need to become a dog person. I don't want a farm though, so I'm going to have to wait. The way I look at it, if I marry a girl with a dog, well I'll have a dog and 2 cats...so why not get a dog and just marry a girl with no dog or cat...then its the same thing. Not that I plan on getting married at anytime soon.

The morning was hard. I had to drag myself to get up because I knew how little sleep I had gotten. My allergies started picking up again since my body got used to the weaker allergens in Texas. Then I noticed our shower was full of water and drano. Our drain was clogged and I was late for work. So I'll be honest, for the first time in recent memory, I just cleaned up and went to work without showering. I could not live in Europe. I am going to fix that clog tonight.

Here is the email.

A quick note on the shower: I'm not sure why it is not draining. Over the weekend I hit it and the sink with liquid plumber - both appeared to be fixed. However, yesterday morning during my shower I heard a metalic "clunk" noise and the tub started to fill.

I have two theories. The "clunk" made me think it was mechanical so I've held off on more liquid plumber for now because if it were mechanical we wouldn't be able to touch the water safely to fix it once we added clog remover. I messed with the drain some yesterday, and I'll take another crack tonight. If I can't get it to work or have ruled out a mechanical cause, I'll add the clog remover tonight and hope for results.

If all fails we can call a real plumber, and I'm sure Shawna would grant us shower use privilidges at her new place until it is fixed.

Anyway, consider yourself informed, yo.
~Mark

It is nice being back at work. I'll be working full-time this summer. We got an intern who starts tomorrow so that should be cool. I wasn't too productive my first day, mainly because my mind was on a million other things. I'll pick up the slack.

So my plan was to get home, run, have dinner, watch some tv and then go to bed. The problem is that I am tired. So I'm going to get home, fall asleep and wake up and I'll be back at work again. I will have missed running which will make it harder to start the next day. Sleeping is nice though so I shouldn't complain.

not the role model I wanted to be, you have to identify with role models

UT Graduation

"When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable." - Madeleine L'Engle, Walking on Water

On Thursday, I woke up with a small hangover, and then went with my mother, sister Eliza and nice at Red Lobster. It has been a long time since I have eaten there. It seems like everytime I ask someone to go there, they aren't too fond of the place. I like it. After dinner I went home and met up with my Dad. He took me to visit my uncle and aunt and see the new house they are building. Once we got back, I went with my mother to the 8th grade band concert of my niece Rebekkah. She plays clarinet. She did a great job and even got an award at the concert. It was nice getting to see her. After the concert I got to see my niece Jamie. At night I spent it packing.

On Friday morning, I woke up early after a great sleep and took for Austin with Ana. It was a nice drive and we didn't even turn on the radio once. We got to San Marcos in good time and met up with Abram. His roommate had this husky pup that looked awesome. I really want a dog. We then drove up to Austin at stayed at the Omni hotel. It was very nice. Ana and Abram enjoyed the upstairs pool while I caught up on my missed episode of Lost. We went out to dinner with Ana's friends that night. We had a good time. Rick met up with us on 4th street and I ended up drinking a lot more than I had planned on. I don't remember too much about breakfast but getting home in the morning and sleeping felt great.


Saturday I got dropped at Rick's. I got to meet his friend Allie. It was nice to finally get to meet her in person. We went to the campus for his law school graduation. It was a great ceremony albeit somewhat long considering the class was about 400. I wish Bill Clinton would of done the speech since he was in town doing grad speeches. Rick got his dipolma and his family was very proud. I look forward to that day...well actually the day I get sworn in as a lawyer. After the ceremony, we all went to eat dinner. The food was great but I probably ate too much. At night we went out with his God sister, but due to my recent drinking nights, I was only able to have a few beers before knowing I was done. Once we got home, we watched the HBO Barrera fight and then slept.

Sunday morning Ana picked me up and we drove back home to Edinburg. We got there in time to visit with Bekkah and Jamie which was great. Again we didn't turn on the radio on the way back. I finally just relaxed and started to pack for the next day.

Monday I woke up to hang out with my father for a while before we left for Harlingen. We picked up my grandmother and went to visit my grandfather. I'm really glad I got to go again because this time he was more lucid (comparatively), so I felt like he understood I was there instead of before where you just would fall asleep. I picked up a gift for my roommate at the liquor store for taking care of my cats and I got on my plane for DC. I get into DC at 11:30pm, but didn't home home until much later. I had to keep my ears covered so I wouldn't hear the final score of the Spurs game so I could watch it when I got home.

telling you all about it

Visting

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned." -Buddha

Wednesday I woke up early having been up late watching Grey's Anatomy on my computer. 7am central time...it was not easy. I would also stay up the entire day, which was a pretty interesting feat for me as well.

Ana picked me up and we went to her house. I went with her to work and then borrowed her car to visit my grandparents in Harlingen. I got there early, so I stopped at the mall to get a haircut and a pair of clothes (you know why Marty).

I met up with my Grandmother at the Centro, an adult daycare place at the church. It is in the parrish hall, which used to be the actual church at one point. My cousins run it, so I said hello and talked for a bit. My grandmother showed me where my mom and all my aunts were married. We talked as she had lunch.

Then we went to HEB to cash her check, which had us waiting in line for a long time. It was hard on her, but she didn't say anything until we got to the car and she was having problems breathing. She was ok though, but I knew we weren't gonna be able to do anything that would take too much exhastion.

We went to visit my grandfather at the nursing home, a ritual my grandmother had done daily for over 6 months. He was asleep, probably sedated and after an hour there without him waking up we went to go get a bite to eat since I hadn't eaten.

I went to a fast food mexican place, that is something I miss about home as well. Then I took my grandmother to her house for a bit where we ran into her neighbor who was locked out. We let him use our phone and stay with us until he was able to get a key. His daughter really likes my grandmother.

We went back to the nursing home and my grandfather was awake. I don't want to say too much about it, but in 6 months, things were really different. He was much weaker and had less sessions of lucidity. I know a lot of it must be from the medications, but it was stressing that I could no longer communicate with him.

After visiting, I drove back home and met up with my sister Ana and her friends and we went to Mexico. We had beers, tacos and bought some medicines. It is one of my favorite parts of my trip home.

nice because it is limited

Homecoming

"Be civil to all, sociable to many, familiar with few, friend to one, enemy to none." -Benjamin Franklin

So I'm sitting in an aiport waiting for my flight. I got here 3 hours early due to my shuttle, so I have a lot of time to kill. I enjoy airport entries because when I travel alone, I have a lot of time to just think and race over random thoughts that enter my mind. From remembering past memories about childhood to thinking about the bigger picture and what I want out of life.
Let me first tell you about the noticeable trend today. There are a lot of mothers. This seems like something I would be looking for this since it is the day after Mother's Day, but the flowers I have seen them carrying really stands out. I don't think I have been home for mother's day since high school. I feel like I say that a lot.."I haven't been home for..[insert here] since high school." Considering I haven't lived there since I was 18, it does makes sense.
So I'm thinking about where I plan on taking taking the bar when I graduate next year. My choices are TX, CA, FL, and VA. With any state I can work in DC, so I still have the opportunity to stay here and then leave or just leave once I'm done. DC is a place I have really mixed emotions about. Two years ago I took the first opportunity to leave DC for FL. I never thought I would be back, but somehow, fate and an important decision on my part brought me back. I love the politics of DC and would love to work for a firm in the city or the federal government. The problem is that I don't feel like I would like to settle down in DC. If I move to TX, then I should of chosen a TX lawschool and if I go back to FL, then I probably should of stayed in FL. I guess it all depends on the job I get when I am done and from what I can see, just getting "a" job is going to be very very hard.

In college, I came to see Ithaca, NY as home, and really enjoyed being there, even if it was way too cold. I'll never forget when one summer came along and I spent it there. I thought it would just be a continuation of the greatness that was college, but instead it started off very lonely. All my friends were gone and I was left alone with all the surroundings of what was familiar, but none of the people. It really hit me how important your friends are. I feel that way about dc sometimes, but I might feel that way if I moved home too.

Considering this, I feel like I could probably live anywhere, I just need to make sure I make some good friends. So I might as well pick a place I'm happy with instead of trying to figure out where I have more friends. I should probably make a few trips to all the places I'm thinking about and then focus my job search based on that.

I can't wait to be home.

I'm missing the finale of Grey's Anatomy, man if you only knew how hard it is for me to have to wait and see how things turn out.

Once I meet my goal, I need to know if I met my goal of who I really am.

Summer Time

"Everything has its natural time before it moves on, Poncho." - Pooch Cafe

I have good news to report, I'm done. I won't talk about my finals, because it was not an experience I was very proud of, or should be. But it is over, since well time has a way of passing. I'll be praying that I pass and move on to my last year of law school. I feel like life is on hold until this is over.

So I finished my final exam, I jumped in my truck as I rushed out of the rain. I was tired, yet excited to be done with my 2nd year of law school. I opened my cell phone ready to call someone to share my good news. Then it hit me, I have no one I want to call, no one to really share this with. I do have friends I could call, but anyone just wouldn't really care about this on the same level I would. I guess there are things I miss from having a long term relationship, but there are benefits to not having to worry about someone letting you down. I decided to call my grandmother and shared the good news with her since anything I share with her is always great news in her perspective. We caught up and I told her about my plans to go home. So I'll be going to Texas for a week, I'm really looking forward to that. Later in the early summer, my mother and sister Eliza are coming to DC to visit my aunt and me. That should be fun. That is my plans for the immediate future.

Once I get back, I'll be working at my same job for the summer full time. I look forward to that. It should be a great experience. It will be nice to get a play check as well. Hopefully it will help me pay my rent and my poker learning experience.

The Minutemen are in DC today holding their rally. I watched part of it on CSPAN, man those guys say they won't accept any funding from racist groups, but man the crap they say is so full of racism I want to explode just listening to them. I almost jumped in my car to join the protesters protesting them, but they are just not worth it.

Your choice, your doing, your fault...my choice, my doing, my fault

Colbert & Immigration

"I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq." - Stephen Colbert


http://blogcritics.org/archives/2006/05/01/045048.php

He exercised the rights given to him by the Constitution of his country to speak his mind and to speak it freely even in the face of power. In those minutes I was reminded that in this country, in these United States, the citizen retains the ultimate power.

Kudos Mr. Colbert. Too bad hardly anybody wants to tell this story.

http://thankyoustephencolbert.org/

One final down, 3 to go.

Seeing all those people out there today really meant a lot to me.

dagger...dagger in my heart. hehehehehe