Blinded

"Beware the leader who bangs the drums in war to whip the citizenry into a patriotic fervor, for patriotism is indeed a double-edged sword. It both emboldens the blood, just as it narrows the mind. And when the drums of war have reached a fever pitch and the blood boils with hate and the mind has closed, the leader will have no need in seizing the rights of the citizenry, infused with fear and blinded by patriotism, they will offer up all their rights unto the leader and gladly so. How do I know ? For this is what I have done. And I am Ceasar."

Thursday was the much anticipated and talked about Cowboys Packers Game. There is a long story on my trying to watch it, but I ended up going to Monica's house to watch it with Oscar and Joselo on their directtv. The Cowboys are doing great, but I really wanted them to go against a full healthy team so it could be more clear that they are the best in the NFC, dare I say NFL (shhh be quiet Patriots, you'll meet again.) This is the best time of the year for football.

Things seem to be going well for my brother Abram. He had an interview today to hopefully move from one type of manager to another. I'm sure they are impressed with his loyalty, his enthusiasm and most probably his work. It got me to thinking. So I have so many things I want for my family. It all comes from a good place, but I worry that it might not be the best way to think about things. For example, I want my parents to have a retirement hobby that helps them make enough money to enjoy their golden years. I want my sisters to get their college educations (even if it is online/part-time/community), I want my nieces and nephews to go to college and follow their dreams. I also would like Abram to be a lawyer at some point.

But it isn't about me and what I want. It is about them and what they want and what will make them happy. So my Dad always wanted Abram to be a teacher, as did my Mom. They felt the same way about Eliza, but their point of view was that it is a stable job that they enjoy and it will provide them with the security they wish for their kids. My Dad also wanted my brother to join the armed forces (somehow he never pushed that on me), but Abram followed his own path. Now Abram has his own dreams and I know his current career path is just a way for him to get where he wants to be, not the end in itself. I'm sure part of him is still trying to figure out what he wants, cause I'm sure I still don't know.

So all that being said, it is my advice that he not give up on going to law school. Right now seems like the most inconvenient time to apply and start considering where he is in life (same rationale goes for my sisters and college - it just doesn't seem feasible), but putting something off usually makes it not happen. (this is coming from a guy who knows all about putting stuff off, I promise Dad I'll send you those pictures.) Be it night school, or applying and deferring a year, I just feel like a degree in law will open up many doors for him. There are so many types of things you can do with a JD and who knows maybe he will just end up becoming a kick ass trial attorney. So I need to learn, to share advice and help, but understand that it isn't my life nor my choice and I might just be completely wrong. He might live a happier more successful life without ever going to law school (maybe it is the only way I know that should work). I need to not get married to my ideas when I put them out there.

Then you have the counter argument example. My nephew. It is time to apply for college and I'm pretty sure he is going to college, but the where is a big choice and what I worry about is that he won't give him self choices and that he will just back up into the default choice. Kind of like when you just don't pay the bill and accept the late fee, but still pay it later. I'm sure he is full of young idealism, having hopes that his band will make it big, that his current love will bring him the family life he desires. That might be true and I'm no one to try to shoot down a person's ambitions, but (let not call it what I want, lets call it my advice) my advice to him is you need a back up plan, a generic course that you can stray off of to pursue your own dreams so that you will have something there for you if life hits you with barriers. Part of me wants to say, give your dreams (ie music) your all, sell everything, give it everything, follow your ambitions...but though I think you should devote yourself to your dreams, the process of throwing away any alternatives (or burning the ships as they used to do) doesn't insure success nor do I think it actually helps motivation... I just think it adds undue stress to what is already a stress filled life. He has a good head on his shoulders and I care, that is why I think about him and his well being.

So that is me and my advice and two cents in general. You might wonder why I am writing it here instead of saying it to the actual people. The reason is that I wanted to think it out and sometimes writing something lets me look at the argument and truly see what I'm thinking if indeed it does make sense. It also helps me look at the error of my ways.

Today I picked up my new glasses. They are black rimmed and I think it will take some time to get used to them. The prescription is much higher than my current one, so I worry it might be too much, but I'll give it some time to see if my eyes adjust.

Here is my political talk of the day:
The other day I saw an interview (a rerun actually) of the Colbert Report with Naomi Wolf to promote her book "Then End of America" I liked the interview and think it is worth watching. Is fear the best device to combat the use of fear against us? Maybe knowledge is the device.

Here is a more optional YouTube Video going down all 14 signs of Fascism



I've been reading articles on this most probable cancellation of Tucker Carlson's show such as this one on Wonkette. The best part are the comments. One comment gave me the inspiration to write these thoughts since I've had them for a while.

If they actually have the good sense and taste to throw this smug weasel off the air, take heart - here's a capsule summary of every "*ucker" show ever:
1. Gross unsupported generalization
2. Flawed logic applied to above generalization
3. Therefore, Democrats are evil.
(punctuated by shrill interruptions of any guest who doesn't agree quickly enough)

He makes these insincere arguments that he thinks are so smart and insightful, but are just smug and actually intellectually dishonest. So today I'm watching a hostage situation on TV and seconds before a peaceful resolution and taking into custody of the suspect, he argues that he doesn't understand why the SWAT team doesn't just crawl in an air condition vent and take out this guy with a gernade, etc. The resident expert tells him that that is the exact opposite of the right thing to do and why not end a situation without violence where nobody has to get hurt. Those type of tactics can put hostages in danger and if the guy really had a bomb might cause him to take action where he might otherwise of just surrendered. It reminded me why I didn't like this guy. Not only did he make a stupid point, reality refuted it seconds later and the expert on hostage situations completely disagreed. Oh, btw I was watching as a holdover from hardball where I was following the breaking news.

so unfair to burden someone

Want To

"There are plenty of ways to get ahead. The first is so basic I'm almost embarrassed to say it: spend less than you earn." -Paul Clitheroe

I came back from vacation fighting off this seasonal cold and trying to figure out ways to achieve my goals, mainly by creating realistic yet high concrete goals that I need to work toward. I had a doctor's appointment on Tuesday. I still need to get a general physical scheduled. That went ok I guess but I think good habits are where I'm going to find my answers.



Mark's blog is getting a lot more interesting. I like it when papers come around, he seems to get more creative. It almost makes me want to tackle the issues of the day, but it is so much easier just to write about my days. I wonder who his two new ghost writers are.

Here is a tidbit from the article: Here’s a Quick Way to Overcome Procrastination
Tip #2: You are in control, so replace “have to” with “want to.”
"When you tell yourself that you have to do something, you’ll automatically feel a sense of resentment and rebellion. Procrastination kicks in as a defense mechanism. Using the “I-have-to’s,” drives your mind to subconsciously confirm the impression that the task is awful and painful - one you wouldn’t do if you had the free choice. So shift your thinking away from a “have to” mentality into a “want to” mentality. Realize and accept that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Even though there may be serious consequences, you are always free to choose. Make a conscious choice and commitment to either do the task now, or do what is necessary to get out of it. Don’t let it linger around in the back of your mind."

I hate having to do stuff. Sometimes I feel like I cut off my nose to spite my face more often than I should. Maybe that is why I was always bad with chores.

This comic is about my blog today. I think it is pretty funny.

Pearls Before Swine 11-28-07 Comic - Click on comic for an easier to read version.

I'm still working on a layout for my page that I am happy with. Since I don't use my website like others would, I have trouble knowing what parts/links are actually used (and therefore should be moved up) and which are just there for show. I added this new slideshow feature, but it is very similar to my flickr badge. Which one do you like better?

The 9 Most Badass Bible Verses - I need to do some fact checking here, but this is a great article.

I saw the Republican You Tube Debate. I don't know why since most things they say seem to not only upset and offend me, but what really got me was some of the people that asked the questions. There really are people out there with such ignorant and hateful points of view. That is probably overstating it, but their assumptions are what really bother me. I was amazed with some answers from Huckabee and McCain that made me respect them even though I don't agree with them. Guiliani, Romney and Thompson I just did not like.

It seemed to me like a lot of the debate and some of the campaign videos were just hit pieces on each other and on their rallying symbol Hillary. Their attacks just seemed personal, on hiring illegal workers, not supporting troops, defending a women's right to choose.

need to be a giver and not a taker

Giving Thanks

"Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories." - John Wilmot

I don't know how I forgot, but I came home last year for Thanksgiving. I had thought it had been forever, yet it was only one year. I looked back on my blog and noticed that I flew down to see Erika that year and other than that, my Thanksgiving was very similar. I'm starting to worry about my memory, maybe it is selective.

Wednesday I worked for a few hours and then came home. Corrie's brother Matt was there waiting for me since we were going to give him a ride down. I took care of some things I needed to do while we waited for Abram to drive down from Ft. Worth. We then drove down to Harlingen and met up with Corrie at the South Padre Island exit.

On the way back, we went to pick up my grandmother in Harlingen and drove the last leg of the trip to Edinburg. It was a long day of driving, mainly for Abram since he started before I did. Once we got home, Ana dropped in with her 2nd Turkey she just bought. She made a last minute audible that we needed more turkey and was able to get it ready before we went to bed. You have to have leftovers. Impulse decisions I'm a big fan of.

Thursday was Thanksgiving day and I woke up early. It was one of those days that you take for granted in the moment, but when looking back and seeing everyone together I'm sure I'll have very fond memories. Bekkah and Jamie came over, then Eliza, Gil and Tori. Later my dad, Ana and the kids showed up. Buy the time I was fully awake, the food was almost ready. After visiting, we had a late lunch and the food was good, but our 2nd turkey was a bit dry. Maybe it was just me. We also had a ham, my mom isn't a big fan of turkey, but this year I seemed to have more ham I think. There was a pretty cool article about how the Thanksgiving turkey didn't make you tired.

I watched the Cowboys win their game which is part of the tradition. I have to say I'm really pissed about the Cowboys Packers game next week not being aired on Time Warner Cable. I don't know where I stand on the issue, but not being able to see the game of the season is a pretty big issue for me. I don't want football to go the way of pay-per-view. I also don't want to pay more for cable for what I used to get for free (is you count watching all those ads free) on network TV. Just let us watch the game.

So I did the usual after turkey nap, but this time I really crashed out. My mom was actually worried that somehow I got drunk during lunch and passed out due to that, but I don't think two beers would do that to ya. It was kind of funny, but nice to know people worry about you. When I got up, I made my way to Ana's house to watch Grey's Anatomy. Really, this is exactly what I did last year. I saw my cousin Alex and her two girls. It was a good episode I think, still a big Rose fan.

After, I met up with Cynthia and we went out for a drink. We went to a bar where I had a good conversation with a waitress. There were not a lot of people there and she talked to us in Spanish. Maybe I'm just a sucker for Spanish, but I started shooting the shit with Sylvia and found out that a lot of my assumptions about her were wrong. She was from Mexico and had only been here for 3 months, but she was educated and came from at least some money. She was waiting to transfer credits and become a Spanish teacher, but her long term dream was to write a book about the culture in the border cities and later hoped to moved to NYC. You can learn a lot about someone if you just ask. Cynthia and I caught up but I feel like I could of been more fun. We were going to go and hang out with Rick, but it didn't work out, I'm glad though because the place we were going to meet at ended up having people I'm not too happy to be around. (not any of Rick's friends.) I still need to check out this new place though.

Friday I went over to Rick P's house to watch the Texas/A&M game. I met his girlfriend Kate, she was a really nice person, but I didn't get to talk to her too much. Hopefully I'll get to visit more with her next time. I hadn't really talked to Rick in a while, so we had some catching up to do. We watched the game as my heart was broken that Texas was playing so badly. I was starting to feel sick and thought it was allergies, but I would later find out out it was much worse. I then went over to Ana's Rick's house and watched the end of the game and helped him set up his new slingbox. I love that device. The weather was dreary, though I don't mind it, almost makes me feel in a better mood, like nothing really great is happening that I'm missing out on. I met up with Abram and Corrie there. After, we went out with Abram's high school friends in downtown McAllen. We met up with Elaine and her friend Nancy. I don't know why, but I'm always amazed at how some people can be so happy and full of energy and life. Is it an act? What makes people feel that way? It was a good time and we watched Vargas lose his boxing match and had a few drinks. My sickness started to really kick in Friday night.

Saturday I was useless as my cold fully took over. I woke up and called Ana to cancel on my plans with her. I went with Abram to visit my Dad and saw all the progress he has made. I want to help my family, and I don't want to lose sight of that goal. Giving makes people feel better, so I want to give to those that have given so much to me over my life. After we got back, I just slept as Abram with with Ana and Rick to Mexico. It is my favorite part of my trip home, but I had to skip it. I mainly just watched TV and spent time with my mother. Her house never feels empty when I'm there, but I forget that no one else lives there with her. Seem like when I am down, it is always full.

Sunday morning, my mom made breakfast, we packed up and Abram and I drove up to Austin. I was going to drive, but I was in no condition after a few miles of slow reaction time, so I had Abram drive even though I knew he had to drive to Ft. Worth after. It was a long trip, but we had some good conversations and set up some good goals to work towards. Other people's dreams motivate me to go after my own.

Monday I woke up and called in sick for work. I was in no condition to get anything done. I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday, but didn't have the money for it. I played a few games of poker and made just enough money, but didn't like the feeling that I needed to win or else I'd be in all kinds of trouble. That isn't the way to run a budget.

that is what happens when you leave the ball in their court

300th Episode

“Many things in life will catch your eye but few will catch your heart... Pursue those.” - Anon

So my last entry was my 300th Blogger entry. There are more of course pre-Blogger entries, but man I've doing this for a very long time. So just imagine balloons and confetti coming down and a siren blaring as you read this entry. It has been a long time since my old college photo albums. Now we have blogger and flickr there to fill that void.



Thanksgiving is right around the corner. My plan is to drive down with Abram on Wednesday, eat Turkey with the family, and hopefully get some drinking in as well. This will be the first time my entire family is together on Thanksgiving in quite some time. I work until Wednesday.



I wish I could explain this weekend, but I can't, really it was like...it doesn't matter, I just need to not do things like that again. I don't know why, but a clean room and clean clothes make you feel a whole lot better.

I finally got it all together, and as I'm about to start running on my treadmill, I notice it won't turn on. It breaks at the very moment I want to use it. Of course this makes me want to use it more and feel even more fustrated than before. Urgh, I don't know what to do.

Today is Tori's Birthday. We are going to celebrate when the whole family is down. She had a party at school and got a cell phone as a present. I'm not an advocate of children having their own cell phones, but they all have them. I remember how I had to wait until the 8th grade to get my own 2nd phone land line. It is a different age, I feel like I'm on a rocking chair talking about the good old days.

I had an eye doctor appointment today. I'm going to get some new glasses since my have a crack and it is about time. I'm going for a big change, but with a frame that everyone seems to have. I like it though, we will see how it works out. People are very helpful when you are the only customer.

glasses

What's Next?

"The way we see the problem is the problem." - Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

I've actually been somewhat busy, but with nothing really important. I'm still enjoying work, but I really do think I could go for a nap mid-day. Maybe this is due to writing my entries mid-day when I'm thinking about that nap. We have about one more month at this location before we move on to our new location.

I really don't have a lot of updates, but I'll write anyway. When I get sad I buy things. It doesn't matter what, just something that I feel will change my life and take all the worries away. It is ironic how I'm sad about the fact I buy things and those ramifications, so it is kind of like a vicious cycle I should stop. I'm doing good right now, but it isn't really my choice.

When Abram was in town he was telling me how when he is awake doesn't want to sleep, but when he is asleep he doesn't want to wake up. I think that was a huge part of my insomnia, except when I'm awake at night I don't want to sleep and when I'm asleep in the morning I don't want to wake up. Other times I'm fine sleeping, but this whole having to live in the real world thing doesn't let you just nap and sleep as you please.

Angie T read my blog the other day and failed to leave a comment. She told me that I was too emotional on my blog. So I quickly jumped up and started to write this emotion based response to her accusation. I don't agree with her, but I rarely do. Bob where do you find these friends? :)

So I'm watching Grey's and I'm feeling like the show has lost its spark, I mean I just don't seem to care as much, yet there I am watching, so who am I to say anything. Well the introduction of new characters is always a big deal for me. When Addison came in, I hated her, oh man but in a character sort of way, not in a why did they add that character, but who she played. Then I fell for her and now watch her Private Practice show even though it isn't too great. Then there was Torres. Her well I did not like for many reasons. They fixed things when they brought in Lexi, I mean she is so cute (see Halloween Episode) that you can't help but like her. But this past week they brought in Rose, I was sold. My first thought was, wow. Meridith who? I know nothing about her, yet she is my favorite character already. Boys are funny like that. Why am I talking about TV like it is real? Is this good for society or bad for society? I guess it makes me happy, it's a good escape.

Today I got a forward of: Baltazar Arispe y Acevedo Jr., Ph.D., (a professor at the University of Texas-Pan American, Edinburg) latest “Postcard from La Frontera” which is an op-ed piece that was published in Fort Worth Star Telegram. Check it out: So what will go down in the Valley?

I found it very informative, especially that, "Former Texas Comptroller John Sharpe said in 1998: "If South Texas was the fifty-first state, it would rank last in all social indices."

According to the Intercultural Development Research Association, there is a cumulative 46 percent dropout rate in the region's public schools; 62 percent of children have no health insurance and might have even more limited access to health resources as a result of the president's veto of the SCHIP legislation. A continuing economic impediment is that the region's median income is, on average, 35 percent below the median of $37,000 for the balance of Texas as reported by the Texas comptroller's office.

This region links the futures of the United States and Mexico -- but it cannot and will not fulfill its potential in its current state of disenfranchisement."

Equal opportunity how? It will always be my home.

Say what you will, Chuck Norris Facts are Awesome. Still not a Huckabee fan, but I appreciate his willingness to be funny. (Huck is my third best worst evil to Ron Paul, then McCain, Huck, Romney, and then Giuliani.)

ball is in your court

You Can Love Jesus and be Reasonable

"In an era when we're trying to cure cancer, where we're trying to prevent pandemics, where we're trying to keep Science and Math education on the cutting edge in the United States, to introduce and teach bad science [intelligent design] to 9th grade students makes very little sense to me. Garbage in, garbage out. It doesn't benefit any of us." - Judge John E. Jones, III. (brackets added for context)

This week on PBS's NOVA was a documentary called "Judgment Day: Intelligent Design on Trial." I was walking downstairs to get some water when I saw Oscar watching it. I didn't know what it was, but as I hear it, I started telling Oscar all I knew and understood about the controversy. It was cool to hear them repeat the same issues I brought up. I didn't plan to watch it, but as I watched a bit I just stayed put for the rest of the show. I've had a lot of conversations with Mark about this topic and because of that he taught me a lot of the background. I've also talked to real people who don't believe in evolution due to buying the view that life as God created it is inconsistent with the message of the Bible. Don't you love the line, "You don't really believe we came from monkeys do you?" Maybe my God is so amazing he could create a process that created this amazing life and this universe, but yours can only make the end product.

For anyone who missed it, PBS has posted the full video of the show. http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/id/program.html

It was very fair and covered both sides. I almost felt like it covered the creationist side too much. You don't give equal time to gravity doesn't exist in a documentary about gravity...but to be fair it was not about evolution, but about the controversy, so in this case I'm ok with the extensive coverage. So I thought I'd write an entry about my experience, but Mark stole my thunder and wrote an awesome detailed article about the documentary which really summed it up well. So check out the Martian Cat Problem and read his entry titled: cdesign proponentsist
"The title of this post is a transitional form - it is the missing link between creationism and intelligent design."

Due to this impressive coverage I won't discuss this topic as deeply. Like Mark, I too am not a fan of "getting your science from Kirk Cameron (Mike Seaver from Growing Pains)."

Here is my favorite part of Mark's article/the documentary:

"Judge John E. Jones, III, ruled that "it is unconstitutional to teach ID as an alternative to evolution in a public school classroom," the school was ordered to pay the parents' legal fees, the city voted out the entire school board, and Pat Robertson told them not to turn to God if a disaster strikes Dover. All is right with the world!"

I really respect Judge John Jones because he was a conservative appointed by Bush and has strong religious views in his own right. So I tried to view the documentary with an open mind, almost like if I was a creationist. Even if I was one before hand, reason would have to win out after watching the facts presented so clearly and fairly. Then again I showed Jesus Camp to some people and they saw the children's rabid hate filled love for Christ as inspirational, not a sick cult like manipulation of innocence.

I remember when I read Inherit the Wind about the Scopes Monkey Trial when I was younger and thought, wow, there was a time when people actually thought like this, then I found out that that time just like racism, isn't just in the past.

God blessed us with the gift of reason

Swearing In

"I think your suggestion is, Can we do two things at once? Well, we’re of the view that we can walk and chew gum at the same time." —Richard Armitage, deputy secretary of state, on the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, June 2, 2004 (Armitage announced his resignation on November 16, 2004.)

"To do two things at once is to do neither." —Publilius Syrus, Roman slave, first century B.C.
From the article: The Autumn of the Multitaskers

Friday work was productive and I am proud of myself. I've been trying to read this article on multitasking, I hear it is actually very bad for you. You have to pay to read it, so I have yet to fully access it. I feel like I have so many things half started that multitasking is probably not the best thing for me.

I left work a little early and came home to find out that my repaired cell phone was ready. My treo was broken, so I was upgraded to one without an antenna, which is pretty much the same thing, except that it feels new. I really want an iphone, but I'm in no position to buy one, so I'll wait on that for as long as I can. I even tried to convince myself to get an itouch, but I might as well just get the iphone for that price. I spent so much time trying to convince myself to just wait. I understand that I buy things when I am feeling down, but it does make me feel better for a little bit.

After work I took Max over to Rino's and I hung out with him and Jessica. We played poker and watched the dogs play. We also talked about our plans on where we would like to live come next year. I'm glad I have family that lives here.

Saturday Abram came in late after work. I didn't do too much. I think I napped during the day. We had a few beers and watched Good Luck Chuck.

Sunday my family came in for my swearing in ceremony. <Check out the Photos of my Swearing In.> My mom, dad, grandma, Eliza, Tori, Ana and Rick drove up. We had a bbq at my place. Max had a blast playing with Brooks and Memphis in the back yard. We made all kinds of food and watched the Cowboy game. Rick and Abram did most of the BBQing and the food turned out great. It was a really good time and there was a lot of leftovers for later. I ended up just crashing before midnight. It is always good to have a family event with no drama and just genuine happiness.

Monday was Veterans day and I had it off for my ceremony. It was at 10am. We got there just in time and there was a lot of pomp and circumstance, but it went by pretty quickly. I probably should of been more in awe considering the TX supreme court was there, but I was actually tired from being excited. I didn't sign in or anything, so I wonder how they knew I was there. I felt best when I turned in my fees and paperwork and knew that now I had finished all my requirements for being an attorney. Looking at my bar number should of been a moment of reflection, instead it was very cursory. Rino came to the ceremony too which was cool of him. We took pictures and it felt like a graduation ceremony of sorts. After I went to pay those fees I mentioned, which were the key to legally being able to practice law.

After, we took my family out to West Austin to enjoy the scenic view. Rick was a good tour guide and took us to the Oasis. It had an amazing view. We had a late lunch and took lots of pictures. I know really rich people live out there, but I don't think i would want that. I like to be near stores and people and work. It's a long drive to the movies I bet.

Once we got back everyone took off for home and I started to decompress from the weekend. It was a like a flash and I feel like I was a spectator more so than the honoree. Now I hope to do everyone proud.


Here is a youtube video that I found enlightening.. A simple video as to the issues causing the Writers Strike. You may have noticed your favorite shows in reruns - Why they fight

when then?

Patience

“Being aware of your crap and actually overcoming your crap are two very different things.” - Cristina Yang, Grey's Anatomy

Monday I went back to work after a long weekend enjoying myself. So ironic how vacations make you more tired. My mom came into town for a school conference. I drove to North Austin to pick her up after work and took her to Buda to see where I lived. She was impressed with Oscar's house, a person who was born on the same day as me already owns his own home. I need to get on that. After we went to dinner and then I drove back. I'm glad she was able to come.

I went by Ericka's house to visit since I hadn't seen her too much being gone all weekend. We watched HIMYM and then talked. It wasn't a talk I was ready to have, or even really wanted to have. I really don't know what to say about this, so I'll figure I'll just keep it to myself but I really got to get past this being a broken person thing. I left home feeling terrible and knowing that I may not have made the best decision, I made the fairest one. I need to get out of this pattern. This was my fault.

At home I had some post-bar result jitters and decided that maybe there was another Martin Alaniz who took the bar in Texas. So I searched through all my documents to confirm the bar exam id code. It checked out.

Tuesday I still hadn't fixed my alarm clock but it was my last day pretending to leave for work at 8am instead of 7am. This will be the last day of that. My friend Justin was in town again and I had lunch with him. He seems to really be enjoying being a lawyer. It was a regular work day.

I was talking to an old friend on the phone and they referred to my friendship with them as toxic. That was quite a powerful negative description, I didn't expect. Usually I get the description of being wonderful, a blessing, loyal, dependable, inspirational and those type of ways of describing who I am as a person. She was talking specifically about our interaction and I do understand why she would feel that way. It is interesting how in some people's lives I can do so much good and in others, I not as positive. It is never with bad intentions, usually just making a decision that is right for me and not happy for them. Maybe I just worry too much about what other people think about me and always want things to be better.

This is hard

Fort Worth

“The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren't enough criminals, one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws.” - Ayn Rand (Russian born American Writer and Novelist, 1905-1982)

Thursday I showed up to work and wasn't able to concentrate on anything. All I could think about were the pending bar exam results. I tried to distract myself, but my insides were hurting. I just needed to know no matter what the outcome was. I called Rick up and he told me the general time I should be expecting to see the list online and that saved me many hours of worry. I am now refreshing and refreshing the site waiting to see if the list would come up. Then when I least expect it, I see the pass list. I quickly scroll down and see a name with "All" and since my name is "Alan" I was sure I did not make the list. I was crushed, but as I worked my way backwards to see where my name would of been, there it was. I was so happy as adrenaline rushed through my veins and I hurried to make my phone calls after quickly thanking God. I was genuinely excited, this moment I did not take for granted. I'm glad I wrote my thank you entry before hand because there was no way I would be able to sit down and write when all I wanted to do was celebrate. My face actually started to hurt from all the smiling.

I left work early and just talked it up on the phone calling everyone to share my good news. After Oscar and Danny got home, we met up with Ericka and had dinner at TGIFridays to celebrate. After that, Karina joined us and we went to Rino's house and celebrated with him, Jessica and Vince. I really appreciated how happy people were for me.

The next morning I woke up at very early and packed and drove out to the Austin Airport to fly to Dallas Love to visit Abram. The flight was quick and virtually hassle less, except that Love is really far from Ft. Worth. Abram was there to pick me up. It was really early.

Once we got to Abram's place I took a quick tour. He has a one bedroom two story loft. It is a really nice set up, but rent makes it hard to afford much else. I was amazed on how big Memphis (Abram's dog) was and how similar he looked to Brooks. It felt cool to see my old coffee table and shelf in the living room because I've had so much history with that that furniture. I have yet to really live alone, I think I would like it.

Abram took me to his work where he is a manager in training at Chili's. His GM bought me a shot to celebrate my passing and I had lunch while I got to see where Abram worked. It is a new store and looked really nice, but I don't know if I could keep up with the fast pace environment. After lunch, I drove home, of course getting lost because I thought I was much cooler than I was when I was not paying attention on the way to the restaurant. I did get home and chilled with Brooks and Memphis. I took them for a walk, which was hard because they are so strong, but I was able to establish dominance and get them to do what I wanted.

I then took a nap. I woke up once my cousin Adam got out of work and he picked me up. He quickly corrected me when I referred to Ft. Worth as Dallas. Seems to really bother people. We delivered a large flat screen tv to one of his friends and then dropped by his house. My aunt wasn't home so I didn't get to visit with her. It had been a long time since I had been to Adam's house. So many people have lived there during their path, from my cousins, to Abram. Adam's girlfriend Kirby came by and we got to meet for the first time. She is pretty cool and just like everyone described. We then took off to pick Abram up from work. We had some drinks while we waited and then went to go and play pool. It was my first time hanging out with Adam for a really long time and it felt just like old times. We caught up and Abram was right, Adam is really persuasive. After Abram and I went to hang out with some friends and called it a night.

Saturday I was surprised I woke up without much trouble and dropped Abram off at work. I picked up some lunch and came home. I was planning on visiting family, but I was so tired I ended up just falling asleep, which probably explained how I got up so easily. I set up my slingbox on Abram's laptop. I felt terrible and apologized for not showing up.

Abram was to get out of work at 8pm so I dropped by and things were crazy, so I had a few drinks at the bar for the next hour or so. After he got out, we headed out to Addison for my cousin Laurie's birthday party. It was a long drive, but so much of my family was going to be there. Laurie, Melba, Monica, Adam, Vanessa....and I don't get to visit often with them. We arrived late, so Laurie was already in full celebration mode. Thanks to daylight savings we had an entire extra hour until last call and we closed down the place. The trip home was long and involved Whataburger in the early morning.

Sunday, Abram dropped me off at the airport and I flew into Austin. I drove over to Ericka's and met her as she came home from her 2nd baby shower in 2 days. Monica had her baby shower on Saturday and it sounded like it went really well. I'm not sure how I feel about the co-ed nature of it, but it seemed like everyone had a good time. We had lunch and then went to watch the Colts Pats game. I fell asleep though. I got home to watch the Cowboys game and found out my cats were not happy with my vacation. They had two accidents and pissed all over the laundry room. I don't know if I was more mad or embarrassed. I have a lot of cleaning to do.

My mom came into town for a conference on Sunday night. I'm hoping to meet her for dinner on Monday after work.

In High School I was on the Mock Trial team my Junior year. Rick had done it his Sophomore year but didn't try out his Jr. year. We did well and at State I had the second highest speaker points (to Claudette who is now an Attorney) and was pretty proud of myself. The following year (Senior year) I tried out for the team thinking it was only a formality. Well I didn't make the team. Of course I felt like there was a political reason, namely the fact I was an ass about how I signed their agreement that said I would not quit the team for debate. I was debating with Rick and put down all the dates I would be busy, and there were really no conflicts. After, the coach tried to convince me that I just didn't perform as well as the other students, which I knew was not true, but part of me started to believe it. Were these sophomores and juniors really better than me? I went on and had a great senior debate year and it all worked out like it should. I'm almost glad that happened because it made me want to prove them wrong about me and just like Rick did, I followed my path to become a lawyer. Mock Trial was fun though and I have good memories, but nothing like the fun I had in debate.

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everything isn't better yet

Costumes Parade

"Ours is a sick profession. [A profession marked by] incompetence, lack of training, misconduct, and bad manners. Ineptness, bungling, malpractice, and bad ethics can be observed in court houses all over this country every day." - Justice Warren Burger

First off, I'm flying to Dallas and am staying Friday - Sunday, so if you are in town shoot me an email at ma73@cornell.edu with your phone number if you want to hang out. I'm going up to Fort Worth to hang out with Abram and do some visiting.

Happy Day of the Dead to anyone that actually celebrates that. I don't, but maybe because I was brought up to think it was evil just like Halloween. Of course I don't think it is, but all I have in my mind is the idea of leaving food at cemeteries and poor people coming to eat it after. So after work on Wednesday I scrummed to Ericka's desire to go to 6th and celebrate Halloween. Had it fallen on a weekend I think I would of dressed up, but being during the week, and not being in college, I decided I'd wait until it fell on a weekend. We met up with Karina and went over really early.

So they close off 6th and there is almost a parade of costumes as families sit on the sides with their children. We had a lot of discussion if it was appropriate to bring children to this type of event at night and my view is that it is a fun experience, so just cover their eyes for the inappropriate costumes. The other problem is that some of the kids just seem ready for bed.

So I'm out being my own personal costume judge, with points for creativity, simplicity and dedication to the role. I was sure my top 5 list would be full of lingerie cladly dressed co-eds who were bunnies, or slutty nurses, or slutty [insert whatever here.] Instead, there were not as many of those than I expected, but then again it wasn't late yet.

The first costume I saw that I ranked as my number one was a little boy dressed as Chucky. He was the right size and the mask and clothes were great. He even had a knife. It was adorable yet scary at the same time. I wish I would of had my camera, so I could show you, but I didn't have that foresight. I tried to include pictures anyway for this blog, but these are not the actual costumes, and I do promise the costumes I saw were much better, but I just wanted to give ya a feel for them.

Then there was the 100th drag queen, which I just don't find to be a clever costume. Halloween isn't an excuse to dress drag (unless you are Guiliani). Well there was one guy who pulled off the drag thing well, but when he would pose for pictures, he would lift up his dress exposing his huge plastic genitalia. It was so funny in a Crying Game sort of way. He got mad props. I do wish I had a picture of that.

While we are at a bar, two guys walk in, one dressed as Ali G. and the other as Borat in a suit. It was cool, and I thought very creative. Maybe it was a bit last year, but it was a good team effort.

Then came in what I thought would be my favorite of the night. A guy dressed in a suit, with sunglasses and his dick in a box. Not only was it just like SNL, the guy was totally committed the role walking around like a bad ass with his dick in a box. Step two: open the box.

As we are doing one last walk around, right out of nowhere comes a guy also dressed as Borat, but this time, in a, what I can only call a bright green neon speedo. He was pretty darn naked walking around just like Borat would. No shame whatsoever, but his costume was one of the highlights.

So I'm pretty impressed with the costumes, but I'm sad that I didn't see any Hillary Clinton costumes. I didn't expect any, but Ericka told me it was the must purchased costume this year. I was also sad I didn't see any Larry Craig's. Then as we are driving away, out side my window is a man in a suit inside of a large stall looking object. As we get closer I look inside and it is a Larry Craig with bathroom stall and all. It was very elaborate. It made my night.



There was a point in the night were I listened to the soap box mic guys telling everyone they were going to hell for debauchery and embracing evil. Karina said it was the same guys from ACL. That is a good gig, go to all the fun events to complain, you get to enjoy yourself and not go to hell. I started chanting George W Bush thinking we were in Texas and they would probably be big fans, but no one else seemed to care as my chant crescendoed.

On a similar note, Pat Robertson: Halloween "A Mistake For Christians [Did] you sent your child out trick or treating ? No? Oh thank God. Because Pat Robertson proclaimed [Wednesday] on "The 700 Club" that Halloween is the "festival of the Devil". He went on to say that celebrating Halloween is "a mistake for Christians" and to participate in it is "wrong". If you really care about your kids and don't want to see them end up in eternal damnation, you'll keep them home tonight and let them play the Bibleman video game.

I hope people understand I share this because I disagree with that man.

All of this was to distract me from what is one of the most stressful weeks I've ever had. Good news or bad news, sometimes you just need to know so you can experience the emotions and try to move on. The not knowing is what kills you.

the best thing for me would be