Scary

"A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read." Mark Twain

Erika is coming to visit on Thursday. I'm really looking forward to it. I'm sure I'll talk all about it later. It feels like it has been forever since I have seen her. I can't wait to pick her up from the airport.

Witherspoon and Phillipe Split. I was in disbelief. Another couple that I thought was an example of what to aspire to and they got divorced. I think I'm going to go and watch "Walk the Line" again.

No trick or treating for me this year. I need to go to a good Halloween party. I am not buying candy, so I hope kids don't come by my house.

Work is one of those situations where I need to work, but days I work take away from time to study. I try to keep a good balance. This week I'm only working on Tuesday, and the rest of the week I'll be out of town. It is really great of my bosses to work around my schedule (though I think this time it worked for them too.) There really is not reason I can't work and go to school, so maybe I'm just over thinking it or looking for an excuse. I was told once that working makes you a better student.

I rarely look at people's ring fingers. There are days when I make it a point to pay attention. Guys are easy. You see a ring and you know they are married. With girls, I don't know exactly what I'm looking for. You see a diamond and you know they are at least engaged, but I don't know how to tell if they are also married. Does there need to be a second ring right next to it? Two rings is kind of troublesome if you ask me. Can just the one ring mean they are married? This sounds bad, but I sometimes wonder, who would marry them? Yup, I just said that.

Classes are out and we register soon. I'm trying to pick my final 13 credits for law school. This isn't as easy as I would hope. I need 3 - 3 credit classes and 2 - 2 credit classes. So far I'm thinking of doing an externship (3) then Crim Pro (3) and Conflict of Laws (3) then Employment Law (2) and Mediation (2). I don't know if those are my best choices. I want to have a balance of classes that won't be too hard and classes that will help me on the bar exam. Crim Pro I know I'll need, but I haven't taken Commercial Paper. I need to do a lot more thinking about this. Hopefully I can work it out so that I have a good time schedule as well.

please vote on Tuesday

Inspired

"It is easier to get forgiveness than permission." - Stuart's Law of Retroaction

Two people in my class ran the marathon this weekend. Very impressive. Running is good, I wish I could have it in me to one one. It is still one of my lifetime goals, just need to wait until I want it bad enough to do it. I have a new mouse that I think is awesome, but I have yet to really use it. Its relevant.

I am a sucker for TV and getting lost in a series I haven't seen too much before. So this weekend, I watched most of My Name is Earl and The Office. They are both great shows. I don't recommend trying to watch them all in the same day as I have done, but that is just how I tend to do things. I've also rediscovered Scrubs, I'm glad they are starting to syndicated it. I heard today at school that people don't have time for TV. That worries me, maybe I shouldnt' have time for TV, I don't know, I make time I guess.

I was talking to a friend this weekend about cancer. I don't use that word often and it feels a bit weird to say, maybe because I am not used to it. Cancer affects a lot of people, but I have not yet had a person close to me affected (not completely true I must note). I have dealt with other things, but not this. I don't know too much about the details, but I know that I have no idea the type of courage it would take to deal with it. I hate the fact that anyone should have to deal with it, but what I admire most is when people have a positive outlook. There are people that bring you down and those that inspire you, she is the latter. I hope she beats it and hope that the process is something that isn't too bad. It has really got me thinking about the topic and other related issues.

I made SilverStar this weekend. It means nothing to you and honestly doesn't mean much, but to me it means that I invested a lot of time playing, so I'm proud of the news. I have been studying Limit Holdem recently. I have read two books on the subject and invested some time playing. Here is the problem, I am learning, but I am not yet very good at it. I can play for 2-3 hours and just break even. That is good, but the whole point is to be winning. Here is my problem. Limit, NL cash and NL tournament are all very different games. NL cash and tourney are more similar, but limit is a whole other creature. So most of my experience in the past few years has been NL tourney. Changing to Limit has been like starting a whole new game. I don't have enough experience yet to draw upon. There is overlap, and that has helped somewhat. So I'm in a spot. I haven't been playing NL recently so I'm worried my skills are getting weaker since I'm not getting experience. So what should I do? Should I keep focusing on limit, or because I'm bored of limit, just change back to NL and start up there again. I feel like I left NL while I was getting pretty decent at it, and now I'm doing the same with limit. Doing both isn't very easy because your mind likes to focus on one thing. It is hard to think, well in NL I'd play this hand this way and in limit I'd play it this way. I'm not that good. I'm still trying to figure out how to play it in each. So then we get to NL, I don't know which game there to focus on. 9 person sit and gos, 180 person tournaments, rebuy tournaments or just satellites. I try to keep a good mix, but I really just want to be good at one thing, do well at it and then move on. I keep trying new things before I get good at any one of them. This is resembles my life in many ways. For now I'll just keep playing poker trying to keep my bankroll in tack.

So I have been having problems with insomnia this past week. I feel like I have had them most of my life. It is my fault I have insomnia, so it isn't an excuse. Its a two fold problem, one is that I can't sleep, go to bed late, then wake up late, so I'm not tired the next night at bed time. So it just keeps getting worse and worse. The second part is the racing thoughts, the worries of homework, school, finances, and other random things that run through my mind. (static). So as far as solutions go, you have sleeping pills to hopefully get back on a normal clock. I really don't like them. I have nytol (and Nyquil), but the problem is that the next morning you still feel sleepy and dragging. It never feels like good sleep. So I don't take them often. Then you have persciption drugs, but I try not to take that when I don't have to, and it also has that morning dragging feeling. So there is a 3rd option, its an herbal supplement of melatonin and vitamin B6. It doesn't make you too sleepy, but it does help you sleep and you don't drag in the morning. I have a feeling that probably doesn't work and its just the placebo effect that makes it work, but I'll take that. Well I had run out of the herbal one, but I bought a box last night, and took one pill thinking it wouldn't make much of a difference. Well it did help me get to bed. I woke up this morning at 6am and stayed in bed until 10am, so I'm sure I got a lot of sleep. This has been a life long issue that I need to beat once and for all.

I'm here in this city for a reason, I wish it was more clear to me

Devil in a Blue Dress

"The man who knows how will always have a job. The man who also knows why will always be his boss." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Erika was having a toothache this week. She went to the doctor and found out it was her wisdom teeth. Today she is getting them removed. Surgery is never fun, but at least this should take care of the pain in the long run. She took the procedure as soon as possible so that she would get to visit me next week. That really meant a lot to me. That type of thinking and consideration is something that really makes her wonderful. She shouldn't be talking much, so we are relying on text messages and a system we created on the phone where we talk and she replys with yes and no with beeps. It is kind of funny, but really cute. Though I'm sure considering the pain she is in, she probably isn't as concerned with the cuteness of it. I hope she starts to feel better really soon.

Today is the end of my first month with Sprint. I have to say, so far I am happy with my decision. I think I've gotten over the issue of not having rollover minutes. Can't beat this for $30 bucks (well about 40 after addons etc.).
So here are my Sprint stats for the month.
500 mins in plan - used 89 (a lot to spare).
Unlimited Sprint to Sprint - used 1985 (here is where it really paid off).
7pm Night and weekends non sprint - 103 (sprint to sprint covered most of these.)
300 text messages - 223 used (ok I'm pushing this, but so far so good)
Unlimited data - beats me (I can watch TV on my phone. )


My shins are killing me. I have no real reason to complain, and it is my fault, but I didn't expect them to hurt this much. I thought my legs would hurt from jogging, but instead it is my feet and shins. I can't let this hold me back and I need to work through it. It makes waking up in the morning a little harder. I have a lot more hurting to go through, but I needed to complain to someone. Soon I'll start putting stars on my calendar.

So it is getting cold. This means that our heater is starting to run and it is going to dry all the air in my room. This gives me very dry skin that I combat with a humidifier. I haven't broken it out yet, but I think it is coming. I never worry about my skin until this time of year. This is usually an issue you don't worry about much being a guy, but it is something I have to worry about at this time of year. It is kind of funny, but what really helps is using this clinque moisturizer that costs a lot. I never thought I'd ever use a brand name in talking about skin products. So I have none and I looked up the price to remind myself, and man that stuff is expensive. I need to get ahold of that product on the cheap.


The other day I was talking to Mark and I told him that I had been thinking and I figured out that poker would not solve all my problems. No matter how well I did on any given night playing poker, if I win, all my problems would still be there. If I lose, well I'll just have one extra problem to add. He responded that the Sunday Million tournament could possibly solve all my problems. True, there is a a number that would make me so happy that I wouldn't worry about a lot of things. The problem is that number is too high and not the stakes I'm playing for right now. So this morning, it is really funny, I wake up and Mark tells me that he won a tournament last night and it was true, it didn't solve all his homework problems. He had been playing for a while when I went to bed. It just reinforced the idea that I can't hide from my other obligations by hiding in playing poker. Though poker is going well, it doesn't justify not doing other important things, i.e. filling out my bar exam application. See, I think procrastinators carry a lot of guilt with them and they want to feel like they are doing something important to justify putting off something they don't want to do, so you do other things you feel are somewhat important. At least something positive will come out of this. You clean, you organize, you do something to justify why things are not getting done.

does anyone use instant messenger?

Library of Congress

"I'm Irish. I can live with something being wrong for the rest of my life." - The Departed

Not an upbeat quote I know, but it's my plug for the movie The Departed. I thought it was a very good movie. I didn't expect it to be that good and didn't even plan on seeing it. After hearing good reviews, I decided to give it a shot and was very impressed. I don't know how I feel about the ending.



So I had a frozen lunch today, which is part of my plan on eating better. Not very filling but it at least serves its purpose. For class today we had a field trip. I parked at school and jumped on the metro to the Library of Congress - Manuscript division.


A guy sat down next to me and like many in the metro was reading a book. It was by Paulo Coelho. I asked him if it was the Alchemist and he told me was a newer book and that it was worth reading. I need to start up a list of to read books for when I'm done with law school.
I also picked up an Express paper as I walked in. It brought back memories of working in DC and riding the metro each morning. I would pick up a paper and read this bite sized news. It was also the first time I have read Pooch Cafe in the paper. I think I like reading online better. Right now I'm reading small stakes poker.


The Library was somewhat overwhelming. It reminded me of 2nd grade. We would all get in line and walk to the Edinburg Public Library. While we were there we would be told about all the things you could do there and how the cataloges worked. All I could think then was wow this is a lot and don't know when I'm every going to need to come here. That proved true. Today, I felt that same type of feeling. This time at least I understood more. I got to see George Washington's diary (very non-blog like) and other interesting letters and documents. After, I got a ride from another student back to school which was really nice of him.

I'm trying out an electic shaver. I got one for my birthday when I was young (16 I think) and I loved it. I didn't need it much then, but used it all the time. I don't know what happened to it when I went to college. In college I changed to a razor. After college I tried a different electric razor and it sucked so I went back to razors. Now I'm trying one similar to the one I had when I was younger. It takes a few weeks before your skin is used to it, but I'm hoping the shaver I'm using works out. So far I'm liking it. It isn't as close as I would want, but it is pretty decent. The older one I never use because it just didnt' work well for me. It is good, so I'm thinking of giving to my brother or father. Maybe even Jon Andrew, but I doubt he shaves yet.

Tomorrow is Koki and Mia's vet followup appointment. I'm not looking forward to this, but it will be nice to have it out of the way. Let's hope that they don't find anything wrong with them. I took Koki for a walk on Friday. She ran outside, so I got her and put on her harness. She loved it out there, but it was cold and I was cold, so I brought her back in after not too long. I feel like I worry too much about taking that part of their life away from them, but I also know that if they were outdoors they would probably be hit by a car, bitten by a dog or catch some sort of disease. This would happen, it would just be a matter of time. That is why I wonder about what would happen to them if something happened to me. I don't know who would take care of them. They got about 10 good years God willing, so they would be a be undertaking. They could live with my Dad, but they would be outdoors and the neighborhood dogs would hurt them. My brother has a dog already and he will probably be moving a lot. My sister Eliza already has a cat, my mom, well she might not think its very important that the cats never go out. The fact is that no one in the world can ever care for them as much I as care for them. I mean I have had Koki since she was a small kitten. Knowing that, it is impossible to think of where I would want them to be. Maybe it is too much thinking, and yeah they are not kids or anything, but the idea of being treated as a burden, like step children, not given attention or taken care of well.

ok......-i'm working on it-

Don't build your world around Volcanos

"what i am to you is not real

what i am to you you do not need

what i am to you is not what you mean to me

you give me miles and miles of mountains

and i’ll ask for the sea" - damien rice volcano

To start off, I could of named this entry "Efrian's Birthday," but I think enough with the birthdays. I hope he has a good time, I haven't seen him in what feels like years, wait, yes, years.

Today I was in Cosi waiting in line for lunch when Volcano by Damien Rice started playing. I don't know what the song means, but I'm sure it isn't positive. I guess I hadn't heard the song in a long time, but I used to listen to the cd a lot in Miami and it brought back all those memories.

I have been feeling really shitty lately. I don't know how to explain it or really even talk about it. It's like you are watching the world fall down around you, but in very slow motion. When things are bad and getting worse, you can just tense up and wait until it crashes and then pick up from there. In this case, it's like a slow ticking bomb and I have the power to do something about it, but I don't know where to start. Imagine having 100 things you needed to fix, and fixing 80 would still lead to the same result as fixing none, you need at least 81 for things to be ok, but you have like 6 done. You have the time, but the 75 remaining things can't be done in a day, they are long term and you don't even know if you can fix them. So you do nothing...just watch as time ticks, maybe doing one or two but knowing that though it may be far off, there will be a day when you need to have all those 80 done and when you only have 20 to show for yourself, then things are going to be very bad. I know towards the end when the fear of not having 80 is so high because the deadline is so soon, I'm make a mad dash at it hoping to get towards the goal and if I make it will be just bearly. So the question is where to start...#7-20 you don't even need if you don't got 1-6, but 7-20 are easy and 1-6 hard. I hope you are confused because my mind is wandering I think...is a race worth running when everyone has a 4 hour head start....your best finish is 4 hours back of 1st if you start now....or you can just make sure you beat the slow peole in the back. Is giving up an option? you don't give up, you just sabotage yourself. I guess that is the real question, why do I sabotage.

So at night, after watching Grey's, I was talking to Erika and telling her all my favorite parts and what I thought about the writing and plot. I'm glad she likes to talk about shows with me. So after today's episode, I was telling her some of my favorite scenes and quotes from the show including: "all i want is seatlle and never to see you again." and "you must be thinking, that a year of your life was wasted." She then asks me why all my favorite quotes are always so negative and make you feel kind of bad. I started to think about it, and it is true, I do seem to catch and think about the depressing quotes more than the positive ones. I wonder if it is part of my personality, but it can't be a good thing.

More on Grey's, I'm very impressed with how diverse the show is. I don't really notice it, but then take a 2nd look and am like, woah, that is more like the real world. I applaud them for that. Everyone tells me life isn't that interesting when you are an intern, but TV wouldn't lie to me.

So I'm still playing poker. I'm not putting in as many hours as I'd like to be, but I'm still trying to improve. The problem is that it takes a lot out of you. Not the sitting there for hours, but trying to think about all the things you should be thinking about. It is like taking a test and you lose money if you are doing badly. I've started dedicating time to limit. Typical Marty behavior, focusing on one thing and then changing to another. I was playing sit and gos and then changed over to rebuys and now limit. I feel I need a good limit game to build up my no limit tournament play. So I play 1/2 shorthanded limit, buy in for 40 and try to see where I'm at in 2 hours.

I haven't really been following baseball too closely. I know the Cardinals are playing the Tigers in the World Series, but I really don't care. I'm sure I will watch though.

I get out of work at 5pm. The traffic is always bad, but even worse when I work overtime. Friday it is terrible. Then it hit me. People get out at 5:30 and 6:00, not 5pm like me. So at 5 it is bad but it is only going to get worse when people get out at 6pm. So when I work until 6pm, then I'm with everyone else and stuck in much longer traffic. It also explains why Friday, when people get out early, it is crazy packed on the way home. Oh how I hate that trip.

I need overdraft protection for my account. I just wanted to note that, won't talk about it, but it happens a lot. Each time I say I'll do it, but don't and each time I think, well there is no excuse for this to ever happen again, but it does.

Koki and Mia are due for their vet re-visit next week. They are not going to like that.

I can't remember in the morning what was making me upset the night before, maybe because I was looking for things and well that's silly

Juan & Herbert's Birthday

"The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up." - Mark Twain

A lot of birthdays this month. Anyone want to join the list. Juan and Herbert are now a year older and it slipped my mind to call. Here is hoping they had a good time.


I'm still trying to get used to my new cell phone. It is an entitely different experience. I've made the large and small comparisons, but all the bells and whitles on my phone make me wonder if they will end up tugging their wait. I have a feeling it will be more useful when I travel. Right now I have internet at home, work and school, so I'm pretty well connected. I am still looking for some good applications.


Today in my Am History class I got a free gift. A Scalia bobble head doll. If I had to pick one, I think that one would be the one I would pick. I am the not a fan of Scalia at all, but he is a infamous villian in legal history (my opinion), so having him as a doll is very funny. It is actually really awesome and I saw the Kennedy one which was great as well. I don't know what I will do with it, but one day I'm sure I'll have it in the back of my legal office. This is different from a George Bush calendar, now that just gave me so much disgust, its humor did not outweigh. There is probably enough reason to hate the man, but I hate what he does more. Part of me wants someone to stop him, and part of me just wants him to be fully exposed to the point where there is no more spin and lies.


If you don't read Pooch Cafe daily, you are really missing out. http://www.sitstay.com/comics/



I saw this article the other day. I just included the grapic and not the link, but I think kids now a days are much fatter. I know everyone is, but making bad choices for yourself is different than letting your children make bad choices. Follow the old rule: do as I say and not as I do. Maybe this will help increase the amount of linemen.

new project

Erika's Birthday

"To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others." - Anne-Sophie Swetchine

Today is Erika Silva's birthday. We had plans for her to visit DC this week, but we had to reschedule. The good news is that she gets to spend it with her family and friends, but it sucks that I can't be there. She had a good day and I'm glad she got the flowers I sent her. I first thought of sending roses, but I figured she deserved something unique and more thoughtful. I had already given her her present when she came to visit last time, which I'm glad I did. She deserves to have a wonderful day.


A lot of the reason I have been able to get to this point in my life is that I have had people's footsteps to follow. Advice, from when to take the LSAT, when to apply, how law school works, taking the MPRE and I was hoping later the bar exam. A lot of time I did have to figure it out myself, but I always had that random reminder when someone mentioned the topic it seemed. Well now that I am commited to take the Texas Bar, I need to start taking the appropriate steps. I feel like I don't know where to start, but I know that I should start now. I need to educate myself on everything I need to do. I have the advice of how very hard the bar exam is going to be and how I'll never understand until I start studying for it. My biggest fear is the sheer amount of hours of study, not the actual study. Will I have what it takes to sit in one place for that long, to work undistracted long enough for it to be meaningful. I need to start on that.

Speaking of the bar exam. A friend of mine who took the VA bar exam found out that he passed. I have never seen anyone so happy. I'm one year way from waiting for that news. It is really impressive and shows you what hard work can do. The VA bar is very hard and I admire anyone who passes it.

There are a lot of shows to watch on Thursday nights. I think I'm not even going to try to watch them all and instead just watch one and save the rest for later when there is less to watch. Most likely the show I will be watching is Grey's. I don't know if I agree with the idea that sometimes that best person for you isn't the one and the one that will hurt you is. I just think it is our nature for some reason to seek out those that might hurt us rather than the comfort of those that would never hurt us. So all that sappy TV makes me think of those types of things.

Speaking of TV, that Lost episode, I loved the part about the Red Sox. It really brought me back and made me laugh. I don't feel as emotionally invested in the characters anymore, but now I just care about finding out what it all means.

This poker legislation has got me worried, but I'm hoping everything will work out in a way where I can still play poker when I want and keep learning. I guess once it is signed into law we will have a more clear picture of things.

I heard that BEVO died. He was really old.

I purchased something I should not of. If you only knew how many times I do this. This time it was a price mistake for like a $200 super mosquito killing machine with its own propane tank. It was a monster of a device and something I cared nothing about. There was a price mistake and it was on sale for like 6 bucks, so I got it and had it sent to my home in Texas to hopefully give as a gift to those who have problems with moquitos. Well the company canceled my order and I didn't get it, but it was worth a try. It is hard to get away from a good deal.

It is getting cold again, I am starting to really feel it. I miss the summer and not having to wear a jacket. I look at this as my last winter, so I might was well just enjoy it.

today

Paying Bills

“There is no such thing as a long piece of work, except one that you dare not start.” - Charles Baudelaire

Three day weekends are always nice. I enjoyed mine, but I don’t have anything too exciting to report. I sold my Razr for $120 which helped defray the cost of my Sprint Treo. I probably could of asked for more, but I felt that was a fair amount. I was sad to see it go since I had been using a razr for at least 2 years and I was used to it. Now I have this brick of a Zack Morris phone, but the size is outweighed by all the cool things it can do.

Monday night I had dinner with Julia. I hadn’t seen her in a very long time. I caught her up on my life and she caught me up on all she has been up to. I feel like I totally monopolized the conversation and talked too much, but she is really nice and a good listener. I guess that is why she is my friend. The drive to Maryland over the chain bridge was packed with traffic and it reminded me of how much I didn’t like driving up to Wisconsin. The trip this day went by quickly, probably because I was on the phone.

Mark and I opened up our bills and found out that our light was turned off Oct 6th, which was last week. We still had light, but had a $596 bill since it hadn’t been paid since July. I won’t explain how that happened, but we got all our bills paid, and that hurt the pocketbook, but it feels good to be current on utilities. I hate having outstanding debts.

This week I have my back to back all day of class marathon. We have a Monday schedule on Tuesday, so Monday Wednesday becomes Tues Weds. This isn’t very fun, but once this is over, I won’t have to worry about having back to back days of class again. I need to start planning my attack for finals and figuring out which classes I’m taking next semester.

I’ve been talking with Maria on my message board about my views of when my real life starts. This issue comes up a lot because I always feel like I’m in some sort of race where at the finish line there lies something wonderful for me. It’s the trip, not the destination is something easy to say, but hard to live. Maybe it comes from the idea of heave you are given as a child. Once you life your good life, then your real life will start when you die and go to heaven where you will just have complete happiness. I feel like I want to take steps to more fully appreciate my life as I life it instead of my life in retrospect. I love my experiences I have had from childhood, high school, college and post college. But at the time I was always looking forward and focusing on all that sucked about each period. Yeah there were things that sucked, but my memories are mainly positive and the hurtful memories don’t have the same sting they had at the moment. It is like thinking, well if I weighed 50 pounds more, I’d be estatic to be at my current weight. Not that you should trick yourself to being content with your current weight, but knowing that it could be worse, so don’t focus on the negative thoughts and just do what you can to improve it. Instead you can just ignore it and it will get worse and you will secretly feel worse about yourself.

Lies, Baby, Lies.

Poker Tales

[I’m breaking this part out since most people won’t know what I’m talking about.]
I won $475 in a $25 rebuy tournament this weekend. I usually don’t play for these type of stakes, but I had 88 W$ (pokerstars dollars) and I figured I’d use them to take a shot. The way it works is that you pay $25 for 1500 chips and then can add on 1500 more for $25. That put me at $50 invested from the start. (there was a 2 dollar fee to play). There were 70 people entered and top 9 paid. Top 8 paid $475 and 9 gets $300. This is different than a normal rebuy tournament where more of the money is vested in the top 3 positions. The first hour you can go all and if you lose, you can rebuy 1500 chips for $25. I made it through the first hour and added about 2000 chips through my poker play. At the end of the hour, you can add-on 2000 chips for $25 more. I did so and now I’m $75 invested in this tournament (and I’m in for relatively cheap.) After that first hour, you can’t rebuy anymore and you play a normal tournament. I played two more hours of tight, boring slow poker and watched the field thin to about 27. I need top 9, so the final table and as more and more people are getting knocked out, I need to increase my chips so that I can stay at least average size. After 3 hours of play, (still not in the money), we are down to the last two tables this is when strategy plays a big role. It’s almost like blind stealing and all in poker at that point. I play well and get down to the final 9. (luck does play a role I do admit.) I felt very relieved. Now I want the $475 not the $300 and I guess everyone else felt that way too, so it took a long time for a person to get knocked out and then it happens and bam I won $475 (they are W$, but they are worth at least $400 cash). It felt great. What really felt great was that I knew I had it in me to get there, I am getting better and my patience is paying off. I am far from being a good player, far from being a profitable player, but I’m still getting better and that is all that matters. I’ve played 5 of these type of tournaments and cashed in 3. That isn’t too shabby, but when you play for over 2 hours and leave with nothing, it is hard.

The next day, I play 2 $5.00 9 person sit and gos (tournaments) the next day and win one ($22.50) and lose the other. For some reason, I either go out early or win the whole thing, at least recently. I just wanted to keep my mind thinking poker while not risking a lot of money.

Then today I decide to play a $15.00 9 person turbo tournament (top 3 pay) and a $12.00 6 person turbo tournament (top 2 play). Well in short, I lose quickly in the 6 person (I should of folded my set to the possible straight, but I was being impatient). I quickly sign up for a 2nd 6 person $12 turbo because I like having two tables going at one time. I win the 9 person turbo and make $67.50. (Great play, but I was dominating the whole time and there was no real drama.) Then I’m just doing terrible in the 2nd 6 person turbo. I hang around to the final 4 and my goal was to get to final 3 and then loosen up and try to make a move. Well the big stack takes out another guy and now we have 3 players left. Big, medium and small- me. Well I end up going all in on a flush draw, I was low on chips and hoping to take down the pot and end up getting called by the big stack’s top pair. Well I suck out, hit my flush, which happens, and I double up. The Big stack is now about the same size of the medium stack and I’m still the smallest even though I doubled up. Well big stack goes on tilt I guess and the medium stack takes him out a few hands later. So now I’m in the money, but I’m down at least 3 to 1 on chips heads up. Now to this guy I was just a lucky player who snuck in to 4th, then 3rd and now 2nd. Well I get hyper aggressive and he folds my offers to call my all ins and take me out even if he doesn’t have the best hand. If he doubles me he will still have chip lead so I think its worth a call if he had anything decent. I figure, instead, he wants to play post flop poker with me. I used to hate that, but now I don’t mind it as much. So I play him post flop and I was more aggressive than him. He would not raise pre-flop enough, he would fold too much to my bets, let me stay in too many pots cheap. When he bet I would just fold, but he didn’t catch on and just bet more. Then I hit 2 pair with my 23 I limped with and I check it to him. I slow play him and then go for a play that looked like a bluff on the river to him, so he called. I increase my chips substantially. He was still up. He calls me lucky, but doesn’t understand that all the times he hit good hands, I folded (you could tell by his bets). Then much later (I was patient) I hit my set with a small pocket pair and once again slow played him. I don’t slow play in poker often, but heads up I find it’s a great way to double up when you are small. So I double up again when he goes all in and this time I’m a few hundred larger than him. He starts complaining about how very lucky I was and how unfair this was to him. I just reply with “ok” and praise him for his good hands. Jim was watching me and he kept telling me that I was the one not getting hands, but never the less I bet like I had them. I had gone all in about 4 times during our heads up session and he folded each time. I now knew I had him on tilt, so when I get pocket jacks two hands later, I go all in and he calls with A7. He doesn’t hit his ace and I win the tournament and get paid $46.80. He complains later how he was ripped off, etc. I knew that he lost because I played better than him, I offered to go all in early and hope to get lucky, but he wanted to play the cards and I had no problem reading a guy that bet when he had it and folded when he didn’t. He had the mindset that he was much bigger so the money was his and didn’t even think he would be in for a battle.

So those two games helped me clear about $100, which wasn’t too bad for an hour and a half of play. I know I was lucky to suck out on one hand in my 3 sessions, but its part of the game and I too get sucked out on. I don’t know why I always feel like I have to apologize for that. Doyle once said you can’t win a tournament without sucking out a least once. Watching Mark play over time and talking to him about strategy has helped me a lot. I haven’t really invested a lot of time or money playing, but I’m starting to loosen up and really work on my game. I’m scared I’ll jump into waters I’m not ready for and lose a lot of money quickly, so I’m going to try to keep my stakes low.

Last week on our poker night, I won $80. It was a $20 buy in cash game and things got a little expensive. We had about 5 players. I lost $20 off the bat to Bob on an all-in where I had pocket Qs. I rebought for $20 more. I ended the night with $120, probably most of it from 3 or 4 big hands. I was an underdog in one to Andrew and one to Mark. It seems Andrew and I get in an allin hand where he has the best of it and 40% or 2% I suck out. I got into an allin with Mark for a pot that was over $100. When we flipped we were at a 54% 46% situation where I had the 46% and my card hit on the river. Nevertheless, I don’t feel like I don’t deserve my winnings because overall, I played well that night and in the situations where I won a lot of money, I was in a good position worth risking money with. I like working on my live play, so these nights really help out.

Note: All this money I’m talking about went to my light bill which was over $500.

Mark's Birthday

"The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration." - Pearl S. Buck

Today is Mark's Birthday. His friend Jim is in town and we went to a bar to watch the Notre Dame game and Texas game. The bar had a lot of TVs and we did the usual thing of drinking beer and having lunch. We came home during halftime though so that we watch the rest of the game in the comfort of our own home. Both teams won and we also saw some other very good games. There was no cake, but the day was good. It made me think of my age and how I want these years to move very slow.

There was a funny moment when I told Jim about the spoiled milk and juice in our fridge and then just closed it. He was confused why I didn't just throw it out. He is married and made the comment, " I'm sorry, I haven't lived like this for a very long time." It made me laugh and also think about how it had been a while since I lived like this, but now I do. It could be worse, but it has been different in the past, like in Miami. Next year I hope to live in an aparment that is furnished and looks clean, organized and comfortable.

There are many things I'm not. I do think that finding someone that has a personality that clicks with yours is a lot harder than it sounds. I may have humor, sarcasm, wit, honesty, a decent sense of direction and loyalty --but I don't have money, like to dance at a bar, and I am not always the best for planning out a Friday night. I am happy that I have found someone that accepts that about me or at the least is willing to try. I feel like she deserves a lot more than a person that can only be for on the phone and sporadic visits for the time being, but I'm offering what I have. I guess you can only give what you have. So far so good, but I hate the feeling of missing someone.

This is the promise I've made, kept and broken many times. The promise of being a better person, being more productive, working harder, waking up eariler, making the right choices. I want to make this promise to myself, but facing reality after you have put it off for a really long time is very hard. So hopefully I'll make this promise to myself, hopefully I'll keep it and hopefully it won't have to be a promise and just something I want to do and maybe even need to do.

I just learned about the Leeroy video. It was hilarious even though I didn't understand it the first time I read it. Thanks to wikipedia, it all made sense.

Lost has now started. This is a show I am happy I was introduced to. I'm looking forward to the rest of the season. I'm starting to catch up on the office and my name is earl, man I watch tv like it is my job. Thank goodness for dvr. All the people I have recommended getting dvrs love them, which makes me happy.

The Yankee's are done. $200 million dollars can buy a lot, but this year it is not buying another World Series. I'm almost sad to see them go because now I don't know who to root against. Baseball is such a slow game, the playoffs is as exciting as it gets. Since I'm on the sports topic, I'm looking forward to watching TO's return to Philly. I don't like the guy, I think he is a great player and I don't mind that he can help my team win. I thought it was funny they were using his old jersey as floor mats in Philly.

You know what I think is awesome, people that sign my guestbook and write in my message board.

I got an invitation to my 5 year Cornell reunion. I don't think I'll be going, maybe for my 10 year. I'm hoping to go to my high school reunion next year. That should be fun.

all my body hurts

The Unimportant

"A fool and his money are soon parted." - Unknown

Life feels boring right now. This is aside from the fact I get to live each day and should be living life to the fullest. The real problem is that I am not and don’t have the motivation to face it with the upbeat energy and excitement I feel I should be. I just boring it seems, but at the same time I’m somewhat content. Now I think I am an interesting person, but right now my day to day life is just not too exciting, especially when you try to write it down. I don’t know what to do about it (does that infer I'm not content?). I wish I was part of some organized sport or had some sort of avenue to make a lot of money doing something I love. Right now I’m a student, but not the fun going out getting drunk type of student, and not even the working all the time doing my best type of student either. I feel like I want to get the next part of my life started prematurely. I also know that this is a great time in my life and I’ll be wishing one day to have it back. Maybe I just need a way to start feeling more fulfilled. What is my goal in life? To make money, be happy, make God happy, make others happy, have a great job, family, kids?? Maybe I just don’t feel like I am doing anything important. I think everyone wants to do something they feel is important that they are good at. Am I just being ungrateful?

I always like to have a plan. I don’t mind if the details aren’t filled in, but the general outline keeps me on track. Like family, I can’t be sure who I’m going to marry or when, but I do have a plan for what I hope my family life will be like, my home and how we will raise our kids. I don’t have a job, but I have a plan to get a job once I graduate, upgrade a year later and then start making real money, buy a home and a nicer car. So right now I have the plan to finish law school, study for the bar in Texas, take the bar (and God willing study hard enough to pass), move to the valley, rent an apartment and live there while I start building my life. Hopefully after a few years, I’ll be ready to get married and then start that phase of life. Then there is part of me that says, quit, come to California with me and let’s start over there together. I’ll even move to LA even though it is not San Diego, just somewhere new and warm. The problem is that it is unfair, unrealistic, an idea that has no real benefits and probably only a manifestation of the feeling that the grass is greener on the other side. Maybe I’m just scared, feel I am not living up to my potential and know there is something out there for me that isn’t just going to fall into my lap.

This is where I live my life, on the larger scale, on what the best move for is considering the future (my spending of course it the exact opposite of that). Why do I feel like the future will have some sort of magic, something I don’t have or understand now. The truth is I’ll have my degree, a job I don’t feel pays enough and I’ll be waiting until I have enough experience to get that real job and really start my life then. I need to figure out a way to stop doing this in my mind. Am I the only one that thinks about life this much and where I’m going and what I’m doing. Why does everyone else’s life just seem more exciting, full of more opportunity and overall less confusing.


You know, just talking about all that made me feel better, feel a little more relaxed and less anxious over what I can’t fully control.

There is a conference in Seattle coming up really soon. I had been planning since last year to attend and in that trip get a nice vacation and it would also be my first time visit to the other Washington. The land of Starbucks, WTO protests, the space needle, emerald city. My sister Vero is the only person in my family to have gone there and she actually thought of moving there at the time for work. I always wanted to see what a place my sister was thinking of moving to was like. I had looked up the tickets this summer and it was too expensive, and then it became a moot issue because Erika was coming to DC for her bday and to visit her sister in NYC. I was looking forward to that trip as was she, but due to circumstances out of our control, she won’t be able to come until another time. I hate that I’m going to miss Erika’s birthday since I think someone’s bday is a great day to spend with a person. I thought of going to visit her instead, the obvious first option, but I had already purchased 2 trips homes for later in the semester and a 3rd I don’t think I could pull off. Seattle would of become an option, but I can’t afford it, there is not enough time, don’t have a place to stay and don’t know anyone that is going to the conference. The only friend I had over there doesn’t like me much and getting days off of work would be very hard. So why am I thinking about it, maybe because I got an email the other day talking about the conference and it made me think about my next chance to visit a place like Seattle and it hit me that I won’t be traveling for some time.

starting all over

Why He Fights

“Eat before shopping. If you go to the store hungry, you are likely to make unnecessary purchases.” - American Heart Association Cookbook

It is at this point in the semester when I start to accept that I am a terrible student and need to start figuring out a plan so that I can make it through this semester. School isn’t that hard for me, but what is hard is sitting down and doing the reading and spending the time necessary to learn all the information needed. I won’t belabor my reasons for not being a stellar student and I won’t outline a plan of action to do better because it all boils down to the simple – just do it. I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out why I’m not just doing it, but that has not worked yet. There are many papers due which scares me as well.

Herbert called me today. He is doing well. A New York native, he is living in California and moved there without a job, apartment or car. He didn’t even have that much money to get him by, but it is Hebert and he knows how to get by. Well he has good news to report. He has signed a lease on an apartment, has found a job and everything is coming together for him. I am really excited for him and with him the best of luck. It is almost like he is starting his real life now.

Has anyone been watching the news on Foley, the US congressman who wrote those sexually explicit emails to a young male page(s). Why is it always Republicans who have these type of values? The best part is that the party will be able to get out of this situation just like all the other ones. You have the gay porn press correspondent, De Lay, leaks, Cunningham, Abramoff, shooting a man in the face, stealing from Target and the list goes on. Yet, they always find a way to get out of this and blame democrats. A needless war, increasing terrorism in the world, terrible economic policy, Katrina….do we really need more? Watching our government drives me insane because a large majority of people still support the administration for irrational reasons. If democrats lose the midterm elections, we really have no hope. Wait, did I mention Allen’s racist remarks, the countless books talking about our plan to invade Iraq pre-9/11, no increase of minimum wage, Bin ladin determined to attack memo that was ignored, patriot act, no bin ladin, separation of church and state comments (former FL sec. of state), government contracts to Haliburton, Bolton at the UN, wiretaps, and oh yeah pro-torture. When will it just be enough? Am I just on the wrong side of all those issues? Maybe it is me, ok, we know its not. I hope people vote in November and I hope people stop buying the propaganda.

I fight. I never wanted to accept it, but I think the evidence is going to have to win out. I just argue with people too much. Maybe I can’t just let things go or am hyper sensitive, but I seem to make issue of many small things. Now in my defense, they are not that big deal to me individually, but when looked at as a whole, it looks like I just fight all time, when for me it is just a lot of small issues I don’t agree with that I wish to discuss. I need to learn to just let things go. I need to stop making a point out of very principle I think is important. Looking at relationships from my past, what benefits do I get now from arguments I had over principle, over how it would affect me in the future. Well it clearly doesn’t affect me know. I need to choose my battles more wisely and just let things go. Also, I need to learn to let others people’s issues go. When someone is mad, I question them until I find out why they are mad and try to solve the problem…this only seems to inflame the problem. I need to just let it go, let them be mad and let them bring it up if they want. I can’t worry about people harboring resentment towards me because it is too much work that just makes things worse. Also, I make problems and issues over things that are not there, just because I feel they might be there...like reading too much into something. I remember in a relationship early in college I was once told, did you and your ex fight this much? Now looking back over my life, I do fight a lot. Now, premise that with the fact my fights are not yelling matches and aren't the type where you treat someone badly, just normal arguments over stupid shit. I've seen bad fights, physical fights and the like and that I am glad I have no part of. So yes, I will continue to fight, but hopefully not as often and be more laid back than constantly judging the situation and the person.

At work today I had to drive down and file some paperwork with the court. I know this is one of those tasks that isn't very thought intensive, but it was very exciting for me. I felt like I was really part of the process, really doing something. There was a lot of getting lost on my drive, but that is due to the fact I'm rarely in Alexandria. I haven't been to work in a long time, so this was a good way to get back into the habit.

I finally got to make a return to Express of some clothes I bought while in Texas. I had these pants sitting there for well over a month and the idea of not returning them yet was just really stressed me out. I probably need that money back as well, so that helped. I return a lot of stuff, I think I should stop doing that. The problem is when you buy something you shouldn't and then say, oh well I might return it later and then you don't return it. The reason it took so long was that I haven't been to Tyson's Corner in a very long time. I haven't really had a reason to go and no one to shop with. I remember when I used to argue that it was one of the best malls, I guess my actions didn't live up to my words.

tv nights