Don't build your world around Volcanos

"what i am to you is not real

what i am to you you do not need

what i am to you is not what you mean to me

you give me miles and miles of mountains

and i’ll ask for the sea" - damien rice volcano

To start off, I could of named this entry "Efrian's Birthday," but I think enough with the birthdays. I hope he has a good time, I haven't seen him in what feels like years, wait, yes, years.

Today I was in Cosi waiting in line for lunch when Volcano by Damien Rice started playing. I don't know what the song means, but I'm sure it isn't positive. I guess I hadn't heard the song in a long time, but I used to listen to the cd a lot in Miami and it brought back all those memories.

I have been feeling really shitty lately. I don't know how to explain it or really even talk about it. It's like you are watching the world fall down around you, but in very slow motion. When things are bad and getting worse, you can just tense up and wait until it crashes and then pick up from there. In this case, it's like a slow ticking bomb and I have the power to do something about it, but I don't know where to start. Imagine having 100 things you needed to fix, and fixing 80 would still lead to the same result as fixing none, you need at least 81 for things to be ok, but you have like 6 done. You have the time, but the 75 remaining things can't be done in a day, they are long term and you don't even know if you can fix them. So you do nothing...just watch as time ticks, maybe doing one or two but knowing that though it may be far off, there will be a day when you need to have all those 80 done and when you only have 20 to show for yourself, then things are going to be very bad. I know towards the end when the fear of not having 80 is so high because the deadline is so soon, I'm make a mad dash at it hoping to get towards the goal and if I make it will be just bearly. So the question is where to start...#7-20 you don't even need if you don't got 1-6, but 7-20 are easy and 1-6 hard. I hope you are confused because my mind is wandering I think...is a race worth running when everyone has a 4 hour head start....your best finish is 4 hours back of 1st if you start now....or you can just make sure you beat the slow peole in the back. Is giving up an option? you don't give up, you just sabotage yourself. I guess that is the real question, why do I sabotage.

So at night, after watching Grey's, I was talking to Erika and telling her all my favorite parts and what I thought about the writing and plot. I'm glad she likes to talk about shows with me. So after today's episode, I was telling her some of my favorite scenes and quotes from the show including: "all i want is seatlle and never to see you again." and "you must be thinking, that a year of your life was wasted." She then asks me why all my favorite quotes are always so negative and make you feel kind of bad. I started to think about it, and it is true, I do seem to catch and think about the depressing quotes more than the positive ones. I wonder if it is part of my personality, but it can't be a good thing.

More on Grey's, I'm very impressed with how diverse the show is. I don't really notice it, but then take a 2nd look and am like, woah, that is more like the real world. I applaud them for that. Everyone tells me life isn't that interesting when you are an intern, but TV wouldn't lie to me.

So I'm still playing poker. I'm not putting in as many hours as I'd like to be, but I'm still trying to improve. The problem is that it takes a lot out of you. Not the sitting there for hours, but trying to think about all the things you should be thinking about. It is like taking a test and you lose money if you are doing badly. I've started dedicating time to limit. Typical Marty behavior, focusing on one thing and then changing to another. I was playing sit and gos and then changed over to rebuys and now limit. I feel I need a good limit game to build up my no limit tournament play. So I play 1/2 shorthanded limit, buy in for 40 and try to see where I'm at in 2 hours.

I haven't really been following baseball too closely. I know the Cardinals are playing the Tigers in the World Series, but I really don't care. I'm sure I will watch though.

I get out of work at 5pm. The traffic is always bad, but even worse when I work overtime. Friday it is terrible. Then it hit me. People get out at 5:30 and 6:00, not 5pm like me. So at 5 it is bad but it is only going to get worse when people get out at 6pm. So when I work until 6pm, then I'm with everyone else and stuck in much longer traffic. It also explains why Friday, when people get out early, it is crazy packed on the way home. Oh how I hate that trip.

I need overdraft protection for my account. I just wanted to note that, won't talk about it, but it happens a lot. Each time I say I'll do it, but don't and each time I think, well there is no excuse for this to ever happen again, but it does.

Koki and Mia are due for their vet re-visit next week. They are not going to like that.

I can't remember in the morning what was making me upset the night before, maybe because I was looking for things and well that's silly

Juan & Herbert's Birthday

"The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up." - Mark Twain

A lot of birthdays this month. Anyone want to join the list. Juan and Herbert are now a year older and it slipped my mind to call. Here is hoping they had a good time.


I'm still trying to get used to my new cell phone. It is an entitely different experience. I've made the large and small comparisons, but all the bells and whitles on my phone make me wonder if they will end up tugging their wait. I have a feeling it will be more useful when I travel. Right now I have internet at home, work and school, so I'm pretty well connected. I am still looking for some good applications.


Today in my Am History class I got a free gift. A Scalia bobble head doll. If I had to pick one, I think that one would be the one I would pick. I am the not a fan of Scalia at all, but he is a infamous villian in legal history (my opinion), so having him as a doll is very funny. It is actually really awesome and I saw the Kennedy one which was great as well. I don't know what I will do with it, but one day I'm sure I'll have it in the back of my legal office. This is different from a George Bush calendar, now that just gave me so much disgust, its humor did not outweigh. There is probably enough reason to hate the man, but I hate what he does more. Part of me wants someone to stop him, and part of me just wants him to be fully exposed to the point where there is no more spin and lies.


If you don't read Pooch Cafe daily, you are really missing out. http://www.sitstay.com/comics/



I saw this article the other day. I just included the grapic and not the link, but I think kids now a days are much fatter. I know everyone is, but making bad choices for yourself is different than letting your children make bad choices. Follow the old rule: do as I say and not as I do. Maybe this will help increase the amount of linemen.

new project

Erika's Birthday

"To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others." - Anne-Sophie Swetchine

Today is Erika Silva's birthday. We had plans for her to visit DC this week, but we had to reschedule. The good news is that she gets to spend it with her family and friends, but it sucks that I can't be there. She had a good day and I'm glad she got the flowers I sent her. I first thought of sending roses, but I figured she deserved something unique and more thoughtful. I had already given her her present when she came to visit last time, which I'm glad I did. She deserves to have a wonderful day.


A lot of the reason I have been able to get to this point in my life is that I have had people's footsteps to follow. Advice, from when to take the LSAT, when to apply, how law school works, taking the MPRE and I was hoping later the bar exam. A lot of time I did have to figure it out myself, but I always had that random reminder when someone mentioned the topic it seemed. Well now that I am commited to take the Texas Bar, I need to start taking the appropriate steps. I feel like I don't know where to start, but I know that I should start now. I need to educate myself on everything I need to do. I have the advice of how very hard the bar exam is going to be and how I'll never understand until I start studying for it. My biggest fear is the sheer amount of hours of study, not the actual study. Will I have what it takes to sit in one place for that long, to work undistracted long enough for it to be meaningful. I need to start on that.

Speaking of the bar exam. A friend of mine who took the VA bar exam found out that he passed. I have never seen anyone so happy. I'm one year way from waiting for that news. It is really impressive and shows you what hard work can do. The VA bar is very hard and I admire anyone who passes it.

There are a lot of shows to watch on Thursday nights. I think I'm not even going to try to watch them all and instead just watch one and save the rest for later when there is less to watch. Most likely the show I will be watching is Grey's. I don't know if I agree with the idea that sometimes that best person for you isn't the one and the one that will hurt you is. I just think it is our nature for some reason to seek out those that might hurt us rather than the comfort of those that would never hurt us. So all that sappy TV makes me think of those types of things.

Speaking of TV, that Lost episode, I loved the part about the Red Sox. It really brought me back and made me laugh. I don't feel as emotionally invested in the characters anymore, but now I just care about finding out what it all means.

This poker legislation has got me worried, but I'm hoping everything will work out in a way where I can still play poker when I want and keep learning. I guess once it is signed into law we will have a more clear picture of things.

I heard that BEVO died. He was really old.

I purchased something I should not of. If you only knew how many times I do this. This time it was a price mistake for like a $200 super mosquito killing machine with its own propane tank. It was a monster of a device and something I cared nothing about. There was a price mistake and it was on sale for like 6 bucks, so I got it and had it sent to my home in Texas to hopefully give as a gift to those who have problems with moquitos. Well the company canceled my order and I didn't get it, but it was worth a try. It is hard to get away from a good deal.

It is getting cold again, I am starting to really feel it. I miss the summer and not having to wear a jacket. I look at this as my last winter, so I might was well just enjoy it.

today

Paying Bills

“There is no such thing as a long piece of work, except one that you dare not start.” - Charles Baudelaire

Three day weekends are always nice. I enjoyed mine, but I don’t have anything too exciting to report. I sold my Razr for $120 which helped defray the cost of my Sprint Treo. I probably could of asked for more, but I felt that was a fair amount. I was sad to see it go since I had been using a razr for at least 2 years and I was used to it. Now I have this brick of a Zack Morris phone, but the size is outweighed by all the cool things it can do.

Monday night I had dinner with Julia. I hadn’t seen her in a very long time. I caught her up on my life and she caught me up on all she has been up to. I feel like I totally monopolized the conversation and talked too much, but she is really nice and a good listener. I guess that is why she is my friend. The drive to Maryland over the chain bridge was packed with traffic and it reminded me of how much I didn’t like driving up to Wisconsin. The trip this day went by quickly, probably because I was on the phone.

Mark and I opened up our bills and found out that our light was turned off Oct 6th, which was last week. We still had light, but had a $596 bill since it hadn’t been paid since July. I won’t explain how that happened, but we got all our bills paid, and that hurt the pocketbook, but it feels good to be current on utilities. I hate having outstanding debts.

This week I have my back to back all day of class marathon. We have a Monday schedule on Tuesday, so Monday Wednesday becomes Tues Weds. This isn’t very fun, but once this is over, I won’t have to worry about having back to back days of class again. I need to start planning my attack for finals and figuring out which classes I’m taking next semester.

I’ve been talking with Maria on my message board about my views of when my real life starts. This issue comes up a lot because I always feel like I’m in some sort of race where at the finish line there lies something wonderful for me. It’s the trip, not the destination is something easy to say, but hard to live. Maybe it comes from the idea of heave you are given as a child. Once you life your good life, then your real life will start when you die and go to heaven where you will just have complete happiness. I feel like I want to take steps to more fully appreciate my life as I life it instead of my life in retrospect. I love my experiences I have had from childhood, high school, college and post college. But at the time I was always looking forward and focusing on all that sucked about each period. Yeah there were things that sucked, but my memories are mainly positive and the hurtful memories don’t have the same sting they had at the moment. It is like thinking, well if I weighed 50 pounds more, I’d be estatic to be at my current weight. Not that you should trick yourself to being content with your current weight, but knowing that it could be worse, so don’t focus on the negative thoughts and just do what you can to improve it. Instead you can just ignore it and it will get worse and you will secretly feel worse about yourself.

Lies, Baby, Lies.