The Keys

"Well you came and you gave without taking
but I sent you away, oh Mandy
Walked away when love was mine
Caught up in a world of uphill climbing
The tears are in my mind
And nothing is rhyming, oh Mandy." - Barry Manilow, Mandy

Today is another day, just like any other, but yet completely different. I've made the decision to not go home this weekend and instead stay here to move into my new place. Other than reasons not discussed, I just can't afford it. At least I am making a responsible decision. I was able to work out a cool deal where I got my keys early. I'll move stuff I think, but I don't see myself living there without a bed, power, cable, internet...or a fridge. I really can't wait until payday.

This weekend on the 12th there will be a lot of reason to be celebrating. It's a good thing and despite events I'm not too happy with, great things have happened to people around me. I'll be sure to have a drink and make a toast to good fortune. I wonder what I will be doing? Probably moving boxes.

After work I listened to the radio rather than used the phone, and waited for a call from my landlord. I met up with her husband later at my new apartment/house. I had the keys in hand and it felt great. The guy was really cool and we actually got along well. He plays poker and has a regular game. Luck would have it, his wife (our landlord/property manager) is really good at poker. He invited me to play anytime. It is always nice when good things happen. So I surveyed the home. The power was off, so there will not be any premature move in until that is turned on. It made the house really hot. I looked at all the space and really felt blessed. I then went upstairs to my ridiculously huge master bedroom, with a bath the size of another room, a walk in closet and my own balcony. I actually wish the balcony was attached to the upstairs living room because I see Rino and Abram getting better use out of it than me. It would be a good place to read though. Considering I have no bed and don't have a trip home for a long while, I think I'm going to get an air mattress to sleep on for the time being. There is so much stuff to move, I do get kind of tired just thinking about it. I'm so comfy at Oscar's house.

Blink by Malcolm Galdwell is a great book I read about 4 years ago. I got this from an article he wrote on it.

"People are in one of two states in a relationship," Gottman went on. "The first is what I call positive sentiment override, where positive emotion overrides irritability. It's like a buffer. Their spouse will do something bad, and they'll say, 'Oh, he's just in a crummy mood.'

Or they can be in negative sentiment override, so that even a relatively neutral thing that a partner says gets perceived as negative. In the negative sentiment override state, people draw lasting conclusions about each other. If their spouse does something positive, it's a selfish person doing a positive thing.

It's really hard to change those states, and those states determine whether when one party tries to repair things, the other party sees that as repair or hostile manipulation. For example, I'm talking with my wife, and she says, 'Will you shut up and let me finish?' In positive sentiment override, I say, 'Sorry, go ahead.' I'm not very happy, but I recognize the repair. In negative sentiment override, I say, 'To hell with you, I'm not getting a chance to finish either. You're such a bitch, you remind me of your mother.'"

As he was talking, Gottman drew a graph on a piece of paper that looked a lot like a chart of the ups and downs of the stock market over the course of a typical day.

What he does, he explains, is track the ups and downs of a couple's level of positive and negative emotion, and he's found that it doesn't take very long to figure out which way the line on the graph is going. "Some go up, some go down," he says. "But once they start going down, toward negative emotion, ninety-four percent will continue going down. They start on a bad course and they can't correct it. I don't think of this as just a slice in time. It's an indication of how they view their whole relationship."

Source: http://www.enotalone.com/article/3935.html

Last night there was a terrible storm. It was almost like the weather was matching the way I was feeling. I wasn't able to get to sleep until 3am or so. In the morning, I went to feed the cats and only Mia showed up. That started to worry me. The only time this happens is when the cats knock over the food and have eaten all night. This time Koki was nowhere to be found and I looked. I left for work because I was running late. I found myself texting Abram to ask him to find Koki for me. He texted me back to tell me she was chillin on the couch. I was just amazed at how worried I got, the idea of something happening to her really got to me. Pets are a big deal I think.

No good mornings, no I'm out, no goodnight, all the surprises left unopened.

Lease on Life

"Nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose - a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye." -Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, Frankenstein, 1818

This has been an eventful week. Wednesday, Rino and I signed our lease and we are getting ready to move into our new place. I'm enjoying the new computers at work, but it is much harder getting them all ready to go than I thought it would be. This Monday is my Mom's birthday. I'm not going to make it down this weekend to celebrate.

Coming after the other nights Countdown news show, similar thoughts to mine are summed up here: (http://www.talkleft.com/story/2008/4/7/202333/8404)

I remember when I was little and would watch Rush Limbaugh on TV. It was my first introduction to US politics and I learned that Democrats were evil and Republicans wanted you to be rich. I grew up to find that not only was he full of crap, but that he was really off the wall wrong and I was buying that shit. I was little, but that isn't an excuse, I still should of tried to think about what he was saying. I'm very careful of trusting people in that respect anymore. Now that I am a liberal, my favorite commentators are Jon Stewart, Bill Mahr, Colbert and Olbermann. Jon Stewart once made a comment about how people would tell him, "oh you are very funny, I love you, but that comment you made about that one thing, oh no that was wrong." He was making the point that people love you when they agree with you, but when you don't then you are not as funny. So my favorite thing about Bill Maher is that he takes a lot of unconventional views that I don't agree with at all. (ie racial profiling I think was one he alluded to a few years back.) But I respect his views and still learn a lot from him even though I'm not completely in the tank for him. Stewart, well he is great. This was really supposed to be about Kieth Olbermann (my Cornell Alumn) though. So I watch his show daily and agree with most of the wonderful points he has made. I'm so glad his show exists and that is where I get a lot of my news. Lately I was worried that maybe I'm just like those right wing idiots believing what I am told and not thinking for myself. The thing is, I do think for myself. So now that Olbermann is going crazy attacking the Clintons, (picking a topic I don't agree with), I'm so happy to see that I'm not blinded by my respect for Olbermann. Now I do listen to his arguments, and it is sometimes hard to get past the disdain to see his points objectively, but in the past, his disdain he had for the administration I shared, so I was able to move past it quickly. Now I'm not saying what he is saying is false, and right now I won't even say it is unfair. I have seen him defend Hillary from the Republicans, but also attack her as if she were one. What I would want, or what would make me feel better is if Olbermann would just say he doesn't support her and give his reasons why, instead of hinting at it every chance he gets. The guy is awesome, and I'll still watch him even when I don't agree, but when you are fighting monsters, you have to make sure you don't become one in the process. He sometimes comes off a bit Billo in my opinion when it comes to the Clintons. Note, this isn't just because I supported Clinton, I also support Obama and want him to be president more than anything.

Here is another article to add:
Gov. Rendell: ‘Keith Olbermann Should Be On The Obama Payroll’

It sucks when you know what the inevitable is and instead of watching it slowly creep your way, you choose to confront and rip off the band-aid because your naive beliefs were misplaced to begin with. Yeah, it does suck to feel like a fucking dope. You have the feeling of anger, sadness, disappointment and another lesson learned. If what you have is so weak that it can fall to something so abstract, then this is how it was meant to be. What really gets me is the idea of believing what a person is telling you. You feel like they are not being completely honest, but they tell you they are. Then you find out they were lying. Now, the truth is probably at the time they didn't know they were lying, but does that really matter? She was right, but I didn't listen. Maybe I knew all along. I guess it is better knowing.

contempt

The Courtesy to Give a Heads Up

"Of all the traps and pitfalls in life, self-disesteem is the deadlist and the hardest to overcome, for it is a pit designed and dug by our own hands, summed up in the phrase, 'It's no use_I can't do it.'" - Maxwell Maltz

I didn't go out of town this weekend. Friday night I was going to visit Abram at his work to get a drink, but I couldn't get anyone to go with me, so I decided I'd just relax at home. Saturday I watched the final four in HD, but wasn't as excited as I should of been. I saw some movies I had been wanting to see for some time. I still have a very long list to go. I haven't even touched my list of books. Sunday I watched the History Channel documentary on Martin Luther King, Jr. I highly recommend it. I might enjoy history more than others, but I think anyone would take away at from this. Monday night I watch the NCAA finals.


So in moving into this new place, we have to get all the utilities setup. So far I have cable ordered. We don't even move in for 2 more weeks. Instead of the cable DVR, we are going with TIVO, which I found on special for free, which is much better than the 20 bucks a month for a DVR I can't afford. So far it is great, but I'm just testing it, I won't really know how much I like it until we are in the new place. Next is electricity, gas, water and a gardener (ok, no gardener.) We are trying to make this as cost effective as possible. I'm excited, but man I'm going to miss living in Oscar's house. If I could, I would totally buy it from him, unfortunately, financially and credit wise I can't and secondly, it just isn't a good time to be buying a house right now, or is it selling?



April, 14th is is my Mom's Birthday. I am rarely home for her birthday. This year I'm going down to see her, but we have to celebrate on Sunday the 13th. It would of been the 14th if not for leap year, so I think that should count.




So I'm watching the news this weekend and nothing too interesting is on. I end up watching Ballot Bowl on CNN and then see this segment by a CNN Reporter discussing McCain's current tour around the country. He referred to this one high school student at a speech as a "heckler." I waited to watch her question and see what she had to say. Instead, she asked a straightforward, intelligent, honest, brave question. Not that she wouldn't have the right to her free speech, but this was nothing even remotely close to, "Don't Taze Me Bro!" I get pissed off and wonder if anyone else felt that this was messed up how it was portrayed. Then Sunday, I find this article on Crooks and Liars. Talk about expressing my sentiment so perfectly. Click the link below for the full text and video.



CNN Reporter Doesn’t Know The Difference Between A Legitimate Question & Heckling, Defends McCain. Again.


So as most people, I am getting a bit bored of the Clinton Obama race. Probably because of the lack of primaries. I have said it the past, I like them both, voted for Clinton and will be more than excited to have Obama as our next president. Now do I think Hillary can win at this point? I agree with the pundits that it is remote. Now do I think she should drop out? No. I'd rather see the final count and see how America decides and if neither has enough delegates, then give it to Obama who will have more of the popular vote. (Still hate the idea of superdelegates. That was stupid Democrats.) I don't think her running is hurting the party as much as all this infighting of telling her not to run. I don't agree with some of the attacks each has made on each other (usually via proxy), but it helps me learn more about my candidate. Well Bill Maher took up this issue on real time and I've enclosed his thoughts below.



Real Time with Bill Maher: Your Delegate Sensibilities
Play Video See Text Below

"And finally, new rule: If voting can destroy the Democratic Party, then the party isn’t very democratic. Democrats need to stop freaking out about how this long primary battle between two popular candidates needs to be “settled yesterday! Because the candidates are bloodying each other! They’re causing irreparable harm! Mommy and Daddy are fighting!” Hey you people need to reach into your teenager’s knapsack and pull out a Paxil or Prozac and chill out.
Democrats, your task is not just to choose between this pair, it’s to grow a pair. Now, I know the idea of a very close race brings up some pretty bad memories for Democrats, but these are Democratic primaries. There are no Republicans in this race, so there is nobody organized enough to actually steal the election. What is so terrible about a long, drawn out contest? A season of American Idol is, what, 87 weeks? That’s a lot of time just to pick out a cruise ship entertainer. This is the presidency we’re talking about. I understand that a lot of Democrats feel passionately about their candidate, and that’s great. But then their passion gets the best of them and they go on websites like DailyKos, and post stuff, like the Obama supporter, who wrote, “I will vote for Hillary, but then I will leave the country.” Yes, because who could live in a nation that elects the person that you just voted for?
And that is what is so great about the internet. It enables pompous blowhards to connect with other pompous blowhards in a vast circle jerk of pomposity. But that doesn’t mean I’m throwing my hat in for Hillary. For one thing, she would say I was shooting at her. And I know she’s going to have a tough time catching Obama, because he’s black and she’s not that fast. But this is America, we don’t call the election before we know who the real winner is. That, after all, is the job of the Supreme Court. "

Lots of news today: For those not keeping up with news this past month, here is a recap of the the mainstream media has found important.
Your MSM In Action

Glenn notes how well the media is doing its job:
"In the past two weeks, the following events transpired. A Department of Justice memo, authored by John Yoo, was released which authorized torture and presidential lawbreaking. It was revealed that the Bush administration declared the Fourth Amendment of the Bill of Rights to be inapplicable to “domestic military operations” within the U.S. The U.S. Attorney General appears to have fabricated a key event leading to the 9/11 attacks and made patently false statements about surveillance laws and related lawsuits. Barack Obama went bowling in Pennsylvania and had a low score.

Here are the number of times, according to NEXIS, that various topics have been mentioned in the media over the past thirty days:
“Yoo and torture” - 102
“Mukasey and 9/11″ — 73
“Yoo and Fourth Amendment” — 16
“Obama and bowling” — 1,043
“Obama and Wright” — More than 3,000 (too many to be counted)
“Obama and patriotism” - 1,607
“Clinton and Lewinsky” — 1,079

The sad thing is that the mainstream press really does believe that things like Obama’s poor bowling skills and the Clinton’s tax returns are more important stories than, say, the trillion dollar war that continues to rage on with no end in sight or a collapsing economy. Like Glenn says, people care about the petty stuff because the media loves to tell themselves that they do."

Now for the fun. Here were some recent jokes I enjoyed.

During a "Weekend Update" segment about Eliot Spitzer: "And you wanted to have sex with a hooker, but you didn't want to wear a condom? Really?!? That might not be scary if you were client number 1, but you were client number 9. I wear a condom if I'm ninth in line at the deli. " -Seth Meyers

"They say Hillary Clinton has a bad personality. Really? I forgot about Dick Cheney's wow factor." - Greg Proops

My mom says to me, "Honey, I don't want you to think I have diabetes because I'm fat. I have diabetes because it runs in our family." I said, "No, mom, you have diabetes because no one runs in our family!" - Carolyn Castiglia

"I'm still in my first marriage. I know, it's wrong to talk about it so temporary like that. My current husband hates it when I do that." - Ophira Eisenberg

"I had a bully as a kid. He was dyslexic, so he used to stick "Me Kick" signs on my back. Then everyone thought I was the bully - with bad grammar and the courtesy to give a heads up." - Josh Comers

This in an interesting stat. I'm a God loving Christian, but I don't feel Christians have any monopoly on morality.

"Seventy-five percent of Americans are God-fearing Christians; 75 percent of prisoners are God-fearing Christians. Ten percent of Americans are atheists; 0.2 percent of prisoners are atheists." (I should find the cite on this though.)

It has been a long time, but I finally went through the class of 98 high school reunion pictures. I didn't even know they were up. I missed the reunion because I chose to attend a friends wedding instead. I was kept up to date with the planning, but didn't really do too much to help, which I still kind of regret. I was impressed what they were able to pull off. I saw a lot of faces in the pictures that it took me a while to recognize and others that looked exactly the same. Everyone looked happy and proud to have graduated with our class. It looked like a fun time. I wonder when the next reunion is? 20 years?

moving to Austin

Full Circle

"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

There are days at work when I really feel like a lawyer. Namely when I'm able to prove another lawyer's argument wrong. (usually in a brief). The other time is when I meet with clients and I know what I am talking about and am able to provide a valuable service. We are getting new computers at work and I really excited about that. I got to choose and order them, which of course I enjoyed very much. Now we have to wait, and I'm not good at that. Also, moving my files over should be fun, and helping get Vista ready for me to use takes me some time as well. I'm starting to look at my personal office as just an extension of my life, like my other bedroom, but the one I work in. I need a new chair, but can't afford one right now. Mine is really cheap, but its a chair and it works.

Tuesday I had a doctor's appointment. It was a follow up for a physical that I had a while back. Last time my blood work turned up really high cholesterol. My doctor was worried, so he ordered that I eat better, etc. I thought it was an aberration and just tried to live my normal life. Well my results from my second blood test came in on Tuesday and my cholesterol jumped 5 more points. It is like old people high. Now I'm going to have to start taking medicine for that. Crazy huh? I do take responsiblity for this though and am not going to say, oh it's genetics...no, its my lifestyle.

Thursday, Erika got some great news. I was so happy and excited for her. It was something she had really wanted and had worked so hard for. I wish I could of been there to celebrate with her, but I'm sure the next time I see her we will celebrate a lot. It is nice to get something that could be potentially stressful out of the way. She now has a wonderful peace of mind and is excited about what is to come.

So Max has a dog house in the back yard. Well Abram's dogs have commandeered it and now Max sleeps outside while the other two sleep in his dog house. He is the smallest of the 3 and they have their own natural order so I stayed out of it. The sad part is when it rains, like it was this morning. Max is out in the rain getting all wet as I open the door and I see running from the dog house two very dry dogs thinking there might be food in store. Max does have this trick where he puts his head in the cat door and it stays dry while only his body gets wet. It is cute and sad at the same time. It is funny though, I wouldn't mind him being out in the rain if all 3 dogs were in the rain, but because two get to be dry, then it makes me feel bad a bit. Well you got to respect dominance, hopefully one day Max will grow up to over take his higher status friends. I hope they enjoy their new backyard.

This Saturday is my nephew Andrew's 18th birthday. Talk about being an adult. Even though he still has a lot to learn about being a man (as do most of us), it is amazing how fast kids grow up. When Abram was 18, I was in college and he was drinking with us at a bar. Andrew is going to be the first grandchild to graduate from high school and go to college. I'm sure he will have a lot of celebrating in store for the weekend.

I was talking to my grandmother the other day about how things were going. I was telling how that for the part things were very positive, but that there were some things that I worried about (debt and health choices), and I tend to over internalize them making the effect of the worry much worse than what I actually think it is. Her answer (second to the one involving God) was just not to worry about it. Her line was, "Don't think so much. Besides, one day we are here and the next day we are not." Of course this was all in spanish and that is the best translation I can put to it. It was so simple, but so much more helpful than the, "don't worry bout it" advice. It is hard sometimes because I don't want her to worry about me since things for me really great.

So many things have changed from being in college 7 years ago. The way I imagined my life is exactly like I had planned. I'm a lawyer working for a firm, I'm living in Texas and I have a dog. Then there are the things I didn't expect. I thought I would be rich by now (though that I dropped the ball on), thought I would own a house, my BMW, and own a lot more suits. I also thought I would think really differently, but other than maturing, I don't feel like a person who could be a dad. I'm really lucky though and very much realize it.

emotionally mature