Fish and Chips

"Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the unlived life of the parent." - Carl Jung

I spent the weekend visiting my family in the Valley. I hadn't been back for quite some time it felt like. The pretext for the trip was to drop off my dog Chloe with my dad so that he could take her to get spayed. He will be able to take care of her while she is healing much better than I would be able to.


I left after work, but I got in late on Friday night. Chloe did great on the drive down, she even got to ride in the front seat the whole 6 hours. It was an hour longer because I kept stopping to give her a chance to pee, but she just took the time to sniff around and get a good walk in, making me stop again half an hour later since I didn't know how well I could trust her. She did great though, but as you can see in the picture, I put up protection. Usually when I would go visit home, I'd make an effort to go out on Friday night to make the most of my time, but this time I was tired and just went to bed.

Saturday morning, I visited with my older sister Ana and my father. I also gave my mom a surprise. She had been wanting an ipod, so I got her an ipod nano. It is the new one that also has a radio and a clip, so she can use it when she walks. She really liked it and I showed her how to add music to it, but I don't know how well she will remember. In either case, I hope she gets good use out of it.

In the afternoon, I met up with my friend Andrea who provided the motivation for visiting. We went to the Edinburg Museum of South Texas History for a Dia de los Muertos event. Her sister Tanya, her niece and her friend Sara came along. I hadn't been to the Museum since I was little and from what I hear the majority of it is pretty new, ie, built in the last 10 years. My only childhood memory from there was of the old jail and of this noose that hanged in a room and from what I recalled, only one person has been killed there. I took the time to go and visit that room and it was just like my memory, except that the rope was much thinner. But back to the Day of the Dead event. It was well put together and very festive. I had a great time. Andrea's niece seemed to really enjoy herself. There was face painting, music, food, art and these Day of the Dead Alters. The face painting was done by legit artists and the work was impressive. They probably got less people done because they were so detailed, but the work was great. I never grew up celebrating the Day of the Dead and appreciate it as a Mexican tradition, but not my own. The alters, though important to people and about real people, just would not be a way I would want to remember someone. This I thought a lot about while I was there.

I hadn't seen Sara since high school, so it was great seeing her and Tanya, who I think is awesome, is due to have her baby pretty soon. I was impressed that she was still so active, but then again, I don't really know much about how active people normally are. At one point, we took on the arts and crafts tables where I did my first coloring since elementary to pass the time. It brought back crayon memories and we even learned how to make flowers, mine which I gave to a little girl who liked it and asked me about it. I got an approving nod from her father. I even got to ask questions of one of the artists who was there. He was a college senior. His mom was also there and so proud. He was a bit embarrassed of how proud she was, but more so there was pride over his work. I was impressed. Andrea is great about finding these types of events. I'm sure I'll go back sometime to actually check out the Museum part of the Museum.

Later in the evening we went out and I finally got to see the movie Secretariat. I saw a preview during the Kentucky Derby and really wanted to see it despite the fact it was PG/Disney, so probably geared towards kids. It was not, and it was a great movie, the type a family should rent and watch together. It was great to finally get the see the story about something I only knew bits and pieces of. I like horse racing a lot more than I thought I did. I do watch the Triple Crown each year, but other than that, I don't know much.

Sunday morning, I met up with my sister Eliza and her family for lunch. It was nice visiting with my nieces Tori and Celeste. Celeste I feel does not know me very well, mainly because I've been absent most of the time, but in Tori's case, when she was a baby I was in college, so I missed a huge part of her life and I still consider us pretty close now that she is older. No one wants to feel like a distant uncle, but sometimes things just play out how they play out. It was great to have some good Mexican food before I left. The trip back felt longer than the trip home, even though I made so much better time. I got to listen to the Cowboys on the radio and it isn't even worth mentioning.

Sunday night was the season finale of Mad Men. I did not plan on being such a fan of the show, but since truly discovering the show this summer and catching up, I've packed in 4 seasons over a matter of months. It was bittersweet in the sense that I was excited about the episode, but sad that I would have to wait a long time to see a new one. It is the type of show where I wish there was some sort of class the next day where we could discuss the themes and story. There was a scene where the blanket that Don's secretary was wrapped in was my favorite type of blanket, the type with a satin edge. I liked that detail. My favorite line has to be the one by Faye, "And I hope she knows you only like the beginnings of things." Great finale, but it doesn't mean I agree with it. I'm kind of dismayed by it actually. I saw that it was coming, not to that extent. I'll try not to drop any spoilers, so I'll leave it at that.

Here are some random thoughts. I wonder if people ever wake up and think, "Man, I did not age well." This isn't something I had put much thought into until recently. I saw this woman in her late 40s who had actually aged really well. Not well enough to where I couldn't tell she was in her 40s, but nevertheless well. I wonder how much it has to do with being healthy versus genetics. I've seen people in their late 20s that look like they are in their late 30s. Attractiveness is somewhat subjective (science proportions aside), but being youthful looking must add to it. Maybe I have just been caught up on the subject of age as of late.

I hate to end on a negative note, but I hate chain forwards and I'm not a guy that throws the word hate around. (Did you catch how I threw it around by trying to explain that I don't?) I really do, with a passion that runs deep. I know I have mentioned this before, but it just has to be said again. Misinformation disguised as "warnings" ones drive me crazy and makes me wish people would just go to scopes.com before forwarding/posting. Religious and nationalist forwards bother me even more. Yes, God is great, Troops are great, but do they really care if you forward this poorly written message. There are sometimes good intentioned ones, but they still say stupid shit. I hate when there are comments like, “93% of people won’t forward this.” Fuck you, is that supposed to motivate me to forward this bullshit on, like some sort of reverse psychology guilt. 93% of people are smart enough to delete this shit I want to reply knowing that 93% is a number they pulled out of their ass. Then you have ones, if you love God you will forward this, or something of that nature, which by not doing what they say, makes you by default a bad person. So I was a good person, but didn't forward your shit, so now I hate puppies? thanks. The chain letter is an old instrument and whether it is now in emails or facebook postings, it is the same old concept and I can't believe that virus is still around. I’ve said this before and will say it again, if the info in your “forward” is so grand, then copy it and send it alone without all the bullshit "forward me or you will get bad luck and make baby Jesus cry" bullshit. If you read my blog, you might notice I usually do not use curse words liberally, though on occasion they make sense, but this topic really annoys me. I mean, I love forwarding cool information to friends, great articles or news, but that is different than a chain forward and I hope you understand that. The way to spot a chain forward is when you are asked to forward it on to more people. If it is so it, the message it self will prompt the wanting to share, not a command under penalty of "insert chain letter tactic here." It is really simple I guess. So even stuff like, "I love my family, if you do too, post this on your wall" is a chain forward and even though I do love my family, I'll never post it and will try super hard not to let it annoy me, which I will fail at. Now if a person posted, "Vote against the law that kills puppies", and that is all, then reposting is not a forward and this is probably good information to share. Why am I trying to explain this, you understand, I'm just rambling like an old man now...this isn't meant to offend, just as a way to vent.

You know, speaking of venting, I do not enjoy reading when people vent about negative things they do not like. It just says more about them than it does about the thing bothering them. Knowing that, I should probably delete my forwards thoughts, but there is no use trying to be someone I'm not. (I wrote this rant a while back, and am much over it now, but reading it again, I could still relate.)

You are the moth, not the flame

Austin City Limits 2010

"Everything about you is how I'd wanna be

Your freedom comes naturally

Everything about you resonates happiness

Now I won't settle for less

Give me All the peace and joy in your mind

Everything about you pains my envying

Your soul can't hate anything

Everything about you is so easy to love

They're watching you from above."

- Muse (Bliss)

Austin City Limits just passed this weekend and I initially only had a ticket for Saturday. I needed two more tickets for friends that were coming so I decided to hit up Craigslist to see what I could do. Each year I have been proud of my ability to get tickets for face value even though they tend to sell for at least $20 over face. After some work, I was able to pick up 3 Saturday tickets at face value. (All legit tickets too, I might add.) That gave me an extra ticket, which I was able to sell for a profit. Then I decided last minute I wanted to go on Friday, so I was able to pull my Craigslist magic and get two Friday hard tickets for $10 under face. A good deal considering people are selling over face. I gave the second ticket to my brother Abram that morning and he was able to change his work plans to come. Next year, I'm just going to buy my three day pass early and a few Saturday tickets for friends that might want to come. It was the most gorgeous weather you could ask for.

Friday, I took the day off of work and what was going to be a chill day relaxing at home ended up being a music festival experience. I decided to make it an iPhone only pictures event to see how well I can do without my camera. I was impressed. When I got there Blues Traveler was playing. They put on an amazing show. I used to love them growing up, I don't know how many times I listened to their cds. I miss the days when I used to listen to full cds. I got to see among many; The Black Keys, Miike Snow, The Band of Heathens, a bit of The Sword, SPOON, Vampire Weekend, The Strokes and Phish. Spoon put on a great show as did The Strokes. For me the highlight was Spoon, mainly because I had been wanting to see them for quite some time.

Saturday, my friend Andrea came into town to join us for ACL. Abram's girlfriend Ashley also got to go to ACL for the first time. It was a fun day to say the least. I got to see Pete Yorn, The Gaslight Anthem, Broken Bells, The xx, The Temper Trap, Gogol Bordello, Ozomatli, Mat and Kim, and Muse. I must say, Muse was pretty darn Stellar. We were relatively close to the stage, which I was proud of. It was quite the experience. I even got a raccoon sun burn since I was wearing sunglasses and a cap. Here is a photo of everyone hanging out.

Here are my Flickr photos from the event. I posted them on Facebook too, which makes me wish I could somehow sync my FB and Flickr photos in an easier way.

I had a lot of other friends that went to ACL that I didn't get to see or run into. From what I have heard, they all had great times. Over all, my two days at ACL were a great experience. I'm glad Andrea was able to come and enjoyed her company.

Part of life is growing and becoming the person you want to be, not just accepting the person you are. I can probably say that I was the kind of person that held on to the past because I believed that it was somehow romantic. Your past can always be just how you choose it to be, which makes it easier to hold on to. To let go I thought was to admit that everything I experienced was not real...but that notion is not romantic, it is just unhealthy. The truth is always changing. Why hold on to things you don't even want? For example, I have old cell phones that are out of date, a zip drive, and other random things in my closet that serve no real purpose other than the memories they represent, or this faint notion that you never know when you are going to need that 250mb zip disk (My camera sd card has 8GB). I like my new stuff better, yet I still hold on and do not throw them away. I've cast myself as tourtured romantic lead in the story and have lived my life accordingly.

Music is great in that it brings back memories. An example of this is actually relates to the band Muse. I saw them two years ago at ACL for the first time and even wrote about it. It was very hard for me then. I think they are a great band, and they have a lot of songs I think are amazing, but unfortunately, they represented something different for me at the time. They had baggage of being the favorite band of a former flame, the one she discovered without me and saw the night we both knew things were over forever. She had once dedicated the song "Bliss" to me and instead of taking it at its lyrics and being appreciative, it meant only what I wanted it to mean and it made me feel worse. This is all stuff that only exists in your mind, oblivious to anyone around you.

So now, all these years later, I was in the same spot, listening to the same band and I knew it would be different. And to my surprise, it was different. I had let go. This was now my moment, the moment I got past all the bullshit that seems to permeate different aspects of my life. This moment was about the moment, at this time, not a moment to relive another moment where I was pining about something else. My thinking was better and I let go of this unproductive waste of time of my untamed wandering mind. That meant a lot to me. I listened to each song with joy and the freedom it represented. It is easy to say, just get over it, or even to think, yeah I'm over that...but to feel it, that was a big deal for me. It does help that the show they put on was amazing, she did have good taste, and I'm a fan of their music.

Today, Sunday, is 10/10/10. I hear a lot of people got married today. I don't know of any friends that did, but it was still a pretty cool day. I mainly spent it relaxing, watching the Cowboys disappoint me and feeling hopeful about things to come. Oh, I decided to get those barefoot running shoes with the toes for my next paycheck. I hope they are as cool as they seem. I plan to use them to run, since I think they look silly as regular shoes.

I saw this video on SNL and thought it was very funny. It is called "Damn it, my mom is on Facebook."

watching you from above

Behavioral Issues

“I am easily satisfied with the very best.” - Winston Churchill

I have a few pets and one of them is my cat Koki. Unfortunately, I don't know her exact birthday, but I got her as a baby kitten and she is now about 8 years old. That is the longest I have ever owned/cared for a pet. She has been sick lately, at least I think. She is down to 8.5 lbs, from 11 or 12 she was about 3 years ago. Koki peed on my comforter 4 times in two weeks. I know it could be behavioral, but there was also a chance she was sick. I decided to take her into the vet. $300 and a full day of tests later, I found out that she didn't have anything particularly wrong with her, but that due to her urine tests, she needed to go on this special diet. A UTI was ruled out which I thought it might be. I had decided, that less than $100, Mia (my other cat) would get to go to the vet for being the cat version of most kids today (she is obese). For $200, I'd understand, but anything more and I'd be sad (what else can I do.) To be fair, the vet was super nice and very knowledgeable and performed a lot of tests, which I'm sure had to be done, but I feel like complaining.

The assumption seems to be that Koki has anxiety and it is leading to hair loss from licking and the aforementioned peeing issues. I had told that vet that I hoped it was only behavioral because at least then I would know she was healthy, but she said that medical can at least be treated. I didn't want to argue with her, but there are a lot of medical issues that can't be treated too, so I'll take anxiety.

My theory is that some how our house got invested with fleas and the anxiety of all the itching made her urinate at bad times in bad places. That is the only real change in circumstance that I can think of that could have led to this. That said, I can't get in a cat's mind. I'll do my best to keep up with her "just in case" meds and her new cat food.

I don't have dental insurance, but I care about my teeth so I had an appointment with my dentist last week. I have to pay cash, so I came in with a coupon. That felt a bit weird, but I got a great deal. For $29 I got x-rays and a check up. Then for $80 bucks more I got a cleaning. (The special when I went was $79 for x-rays and a check up.) I have no cavities which is great news. I got a bit of a lecture, but still the news was positive.

I even had an eye check up the same day for the progress from my Lasik. I'm doing well, I'm at 20/20, but there are issues with blurriness still. I was told to use drops more often. I will still say that that surgery was one of my best decisions. I'm very pleased and would recommend it to anyone.

There was this new show on Fox called "Lone Star" that I thought was great. I was going out of my way to tell people to watch it. It was going to be the new Lost I would say. Maybe I'm just a fan of confidence men, but the plot was interesting. The show then gets canned after just 2 episodes. Are you kidding me? It even had good reviews, but no one watched it. I blame Rick Perry...just kidding, but seriously, I want to blame someone. I'm probably alone with this because well, look at the ratings.

So there are a few movies I'm interested in seeing. First, "The Social Network," also "The Town." At some point I want to see the new Wall Street, but I think I can wait until it is out on DVD (remember when we used to say 'tape' or 'vhs'). I should probably make more of an effort to get out to the movies. You know what else looks good, "Secretariat."

I have been going out a lot more lately. It is physically more demanding than I imagined. Maybe I shouldn't drink each time I go out. Inspired by a friend of mine, I've been on a string of dates. I must say, they have all been good experiences, but no real romantic connections as of yet. Maybe it is just me, but I feel real tentative. I think I just needed a change of pace and this was an interesting change. I do feel a bit tired of having the same conversations over and over, but you always have the hope you will a person that will knock you off your feet. I guess what I have found out is that I'm really in no rush to meet them.

So it is Friday night at around 9pm and I find myself at dinner with just myself and three very attractive ladies I had never met before this day. I was having a good time with a Maker's on the rocks in one hand and then I took a second to think about how it was exactly I ended up at this point. -- My plans after work on Friday were go to home and rest after what felt like a very long week. A friend of mine invited me out to the Belmont for happy hour and since I had been out of touch lately, I decided to make the effort and go to catch up. This is one of my favorite lounges in Austin and there was a band playing Frank Sinatra style music. I guess the official genre is swing, crooner, Jazz, or lounge. See I'm still not sure, bit it was good stuff. The guy was amazing and his band was great. While we were there, I met up with some of her other friends and even friends of friends. The friend who invited me couldn't stay too long because she had a late shift at the hospital, but when she left I decided to stick around and have another drink. There were four people left. This one guy who was a lawyer by education, but worked in the political realm. I'm not sure what he does exactly, but I think it has to do with political commercials. I assume the guy was conservative, but he was awesome, smart and one of those really charismatic types. His confidence and interactions I was impressed with. Then there were two other girls, one who was a doctor and was cute as a button. The type of girl that is fun to be around and you try to keep yourself from getting lost in staring. Nothing that you could say is wow, but as a whole just attractive. She was older than me, as was her taller attractive friend, which made things more laid back since I could remove them as romantic interests and get to know them. We moved to another bar where we had a few more drinks. I enjoyed the fact that these girls were really sharp people, with not only great conversation skills, but people who had their lives together, with careers and who could talk about relationships in a manner that had a sense of wisdom behind it. The guy was also older than me and the type of guy you would want as a mentor in the business world or probably even in the social world. We had some good conversations and I just laid it out as far as my thinking went because there was no need to put up any sort of front and they had thoughts and advice that were actually meaningful. I caught myself thinking about the way I thought about things. I heard stuff like, "I used to think about things in that way when I was your age, but now that I'm older, I see it this way..."

After drinks, the girls were off to dinner and their guy friend decided to call it a night, so they had an extra seat for dinner and were so kind as to invite me. This is where my propensity to over think things gets in the way. I declined the first invitation, mainly because they didn't know me and were probably just trying to be kind. On the second invitation, I decided that I didn't care about the reasons behind the invitation, but that it would be fun so I went. We get to the place and meet up with their third friend. Another super cute girl who for some reason I felt like I had met or seen before, but I couldn't place it for the life of me. I kept this to myself. So there I was, sitting at a table in this nice restaurant with 3 other girls I had just met, having dinner and an enjoyable conversation. We talked relationships and experiences and I tried to balance being reasonable with pushing some limits on what I thought. The conversation had started with a story about one girl's most recent dating development, in which I tried to stay out of the way so that she could update her friends. But after, we just hit all kinds of topics, from people being too needy to whether holding back is a good thing or a bad thing. I'm sure some of my comments didn't make the best impression, but I wanted a more honest dialogue. At one point, the button girl, she pulled out a list she had on her phone of what she was looking for in a man. She had actually taken the time to put this comprehensive list together and as I read it, part of me was thinking, dude, I'm all of these things. But then I thought about it, these are all the things I want to be, how many of them truly are me. I'd hope to say most of them, but I'm pretty biased. At the end of the night, we parted ways and I left feeling like I had an enjoyable night with a lot of things to think about. For example, the idea of dating a person you are not that excited about. Even if I know something isn't going to work out, I'll give it a shot to see if things get better. They were all big advocates of not wasting a person's time. So the lesson learned was that you never know where a night is going to take you and maybe I should be more open to seeing where the night takes me.

Austin City Limits is this weekend. I decided only to go on Saturday, instead of Friday, Saturday and Sunday. It is mainly a function of being too lazy and money conscious to find a 3 day pass on Craigslist. Muse is the headliner I'm excited about seeing, and I'm asking friends who I should check out since I'm not the best up to date on the latest bands. I'm excited. I'm sure there will be an entry dedicated to this soon.

Finally, here is a random story I forget if I have shared. I was in the grocery store the other day buying groceries and I decided I needed sandwich products. I was looking for cheese and by instinct I picked up Velveeta. Then I started to think about why I bought Velveeta. Growing up, we always had Kraft cheese in our house. I'm not sure why this was the selection, but for me, it was what cheese I ate. When I went to college, I wanted to save some money, so I would always buy the store brand cheese, so I guess I didn't have any real brand loyalty. After college, I was shopping for groceries with my then girlfriend and I picked up a pack of store brand 32 cheese singles. I didn't think anything of it. She got the cheese and put it back and got Velveeta. She said, "We are out of college now, we have jobs, we can afford to pay extra get the good stuff, we deserve it." I never had a preference for cheese, but I guess that was the brand she liked, so from that point on I always bought Velveeta. Even now, all these years later, each time I move for the generic cheese, I hear her voice and decide that I deserve the good stuff and always pick Velveeta. It is so automatic that just the other day I thought about it and it all came back.

it feels good to be excited

With Much Haste

“We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken.” - Fydor Dostoevsky

It has been a while since my last entry, a very common theme as of late. I just finished a three week long trial and I am beat. I feel physically and mentally drained, but it is such a great experience. The feeling of having a witness up there and having to ask the right questions to get the proper evidence is a good one. You always have to be on point and pay close attention. It reminds me that I like what I do. I haven't read much news, watched a lot of TV or kept up well with friends this past month. It feels like at times, why even keep a blog if I don't write in it anymore. I have notes that I have that I wanted to write about, but they are weeks old and I feel less motivated to jott them down at this moment. I'll skip most of them since I forget what is old and what is new. At least this entry will help me feel better about myself. I'm starting to get my head above water and as I go into a new week, I'm starting to see day light. I'm already planning my vacation.

Speaking of, I'm traveling to Washington, DC on October 30th for the Daily Show's Rally to Restore Sanity on the National Mall. I was sold when I heard, "We're looking for the people who think shouting is annoying, counterproductive, and terrible for your throat; who feel that the loudest voices shouldn't be the only ones that get heard; and who believe that the only time it's appropriate to draw a Hitler mustache on someone is when that person is actually Hitler. Or Charlie Chaplin in certain roles."

Hell, I might even check out March to Keep Fear Alive. I'm excited to visit with Mark, Ashley, Sam, Bob and Angie. I'm also hoping to see my other DC pals and Dan and Thea. It is going to be an awesome, yet reasonable time. It will be a short three day weekend, but I'm very much looking forward to it. It will be a good escape too. If you are going to be there let me know.

I don't know exactly how I fully feel about returning to DC for other admittedly irrational reasons. For the most part I'm extremely excited. Thank goodness for the distraction of the Rally though. Places have memories and feelings associated with them. It is hard sometimes when you see and experience things that bring rushes of memories pouring back that rationally don't make sense, but it is like your body is reacting. The good ones you miss, the bad ones you don't want to resurface. A cherry blossom means so much more than a cherry blossom, each metro stop has a story and even the supermarket aisles speak volumes. It is like hearing that old song that transports you to another time. Some songs makes you nostalgic and others make your stomach hurt. Time changes a lot of things though, and I've had a lot of that.

It makes me think of how much I would like to go back and visit Cornell. The thing is, unless I was going with friends, it wouldn't feel the same. All the same places, yet what really made the place was the people and friends. For me a trip there would be like visiting an alternate reality where none of us exist and people own iPads. That is why reunions are the best time to return I gather.

On Friday night, many many weeks ago now, Abram invited me to a BBQ at his friend's house. It was in San Marcos, and I haven't been that way in a while. I had a great time and got to meet some new and interesting people. The food was good and was cooked on a gas grill, something I have never seen. I know they are somewhat common, but I have always used a charcoal grill, so it was a neat novelty. We hung out outside and shared stories and some of us even traded barbs. We ended off the night with board games, which is always fun. There was one girl I met who I thought was really cool so maybe I'll get to see her again some time. I think life is cool that way.

At some point, I went to see a comedy show which I found to be very funny and another week I checked out a street magic festival. It was not as cool as it sounds. I guess I imagined some sort of cool David Blane type thing and instead it was glorified clowns doing tricks for kids. I've kept busy the best I can and somehow when I'm the most busy I'm the most motivated to try new things.

At another point, I learned about helping a friend get out of jail and learned that the whole bail bonds thing sucks. If only I practiced criminal law. There are still a lot of things I need to learn about being a lawyer. You tend to focus on what you do and I think it pays to be a generalist. This is a topic for another day.

Speaking of law, I just found out that two of my friends opened up their own law firms. I am very excited and proud of both of them. I have yet to have a chance to really talk to them about their decision, but man it takes courage and determination to just go out on your own and be your own boss. I'm not at a point where I could feel confident doing that, but if I ever did, I'd hope to do it the way they did. I can't wait hear about it and see how it goes. They are going to do amazing I'm sure.

Two weeks ago, I went to tailgate for the UT v. Wyoming game. Met up with my sister Ana. Rick hooked us up with some free tickets, which I'm super thankful for and we, being Abram, Norbert and I, had a great time at the game. I'm always amazed at the generosity of other people. This weekend I'm hoping to join them at the UT v. UCLA tailgate. They won the HEB tailgate award last week, so they are going to be on the Jumbotron. How awesome it that?

Well that is my summary, the part I'd like to put into writing of course, unless you want to know about my dentist and eye appointments next week.

visiting Austin