Apple II

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart." - Steve Jobs 

I found out last Wednesday that Steve Jobs had passed away.  I wasn't surprised, but I was still sad to hear the news.  I was never a big Apple person, but I do own an iPhone, MacBook and iPad, so I guess I'm more of an Apple person than I thought. Steve Jobs was pretty inspiring and makes me really look at my own life and if I'm really working towards my full potential. I'm impressed with his life story and though I personally have issues with some of Apple's labor practices over seas, it doesn't stop me from buying Apple products, so I don't say much about them.

I don't remember how old I was when we got our first computer, but it was an Apple.  It was an Apple II+ which my dad bought at a garage sale. My research shows that it was introduced in 1979, so we got it many years after in possibly the mid 80s around 2nd grade. It as new to me and awesome.  Plus, going from no computer to your first computer is a huge milestone.

What I remember most was the green screen monitor, the car racing game and the dot matrix printer.  You know, the type with the holes on the sides of the paper that fed through the printer.  There was a program called "The Print Shop" and you could print banners.  I LOVED printing banners and thought the idea was so awesome.  It is funny that since technology advanced making that long paper unnecessary, we lost the ability to print out long banners.  That is a setback in my opinion still today. You could even make your own greeting cards, which I thought was cool, but never used the function, except maybe once for invitations.  I remember getting invitations that were printed from the Print Shop and how cheap they seemed.  But back to the printer, man, I would just love watching it print, each line and how memorized I was.

Later on, we moved on to getting a PC and my love for computers grew.  I spent a lot of time on it and wanted to learn everything about.  I started in the AOL days and quickly learned how to get free services.  I'll never forget my 14.4k modem and that momentous day when I got to upgrade to a 52k modem.   I spent a lot of times in chat rooms and enjoyed editing my AOL profile, which was kind of like the first Facebook since you could search other people's profiles and add them to your buddy list.  Do chat rooms even still exist?  I haven't used one since high school.

I never learned to program, something I regret to this day, but I spent enough time playing with computers that in college I was able to get a job as a computer helpdesk technition, helping people solve their computer programs over the phone and in person.  Even today, I can help most friends with their computing problems, but I'm still a bit behind the times. I have seen technology pass me by and I just focus on the things that interest me.

I never went back to Apple until the iPhone came out.  Then about 2 years ago, I got my first MacBook and really like it.  I still use my PC as my main desktop computer, but really like my MacBook for everything else.  I even got an iPad for my father who seems to enjoy it.

So those are my computer nerd stories. Yeah, I don't know Steve Jobs, but from what I know of him, his work, I'm sorry that he had to pass away so young.  But man, it also makes you feel like no matter how crazy rich you are, you might be able to delay death, but once you die, you take nothing with you.  That in part does inspire me to just follow my heart.

peace of mind

Looking for my whole life

"Fortune and love favor the brave." -Ovid 

I know this has been a trending topic in my entries recently, but love is definitely in the air.  I got some pretty exciting news this month, twice.  First, one of my closest friends since elementary school just got engaged to a wonderful woman.  Then, not too long after, a good friend of mine who I met in college also got engaged to a great woman.  How cool is that?  I am very happy for both of them and, of course, for their fiances as well.

There is something about knowing a person as an individual and then watching them meet a person they fall in love with and watching as they grow as a person.  You can see the happiness in their eyes and in their demeanor.  This is going to be one of my shorter entries as I just wanted to memorialize my excited feelings in my blog, but I look forward to watching everything develop leading up to their big days.

joy

Songs and Smells

“Music is the art which is most nigh to tears and memory.” - Oscar Wilde

There is nothing like songs and/or smells to bring a memory rushing back.  Certain songs remind you of good times and others of bad times.  Sometimes you listen to a song and don't even know that you are relating it to the time you are currently having.  I'm like a lot of people in that I really profess to enjoy music, but I'm not very knowledgeable about how to make music.  I really wish I knew how to play an instrument and am sometimes bummed out that I don't have music as an avenue to express myself.  I should really pick up those guitar lessons again. This is why music seems like magic to me and is, therefore, that much more enjoyable.

This past weekend was Austin City Limits.  It is a three day live music festival in Austin, Texas.  This is the 4th year I have gone and I seem to enjoy it more each time.  I was lucky enough for my friend Efrain to fly in from LA to attend with me.  He really knows his music and bands.  In college I went to a lot of concerts with Efrain and that was probably the most concerts I had ever gone to in one year. Those were some great memories. A lot of friends I have gone with in the past either did not come this year or I did not run into at the festival.  I think the most fun part of ACL is spending it with your friends and it never hurts to be in the company of a pretty girl, which is always nice as well.  I had a great time this year and discovered a lot of new bands I had never heard before. Three days outdoors for a music festival is quite the test of endurance I will say.  Add to that the almost 1.7 mile hikes to and from the car to start and end each day and you can only imagine the workout I got.  I won't get into a run down of all the bands I heard since there were so many, but it was pretty great. We were even able to take in an after show downtown on Friday night which was a lot of fun.  I'm looking forward to going again next year even though the prices went up.

As far as an update goes, life has been relatively busy, but nothing notable has really happened.  Work has also been really busy, which is something I always welcome.  I have been a bit isolationist these past few months and I have also been a bit of scattered mess, but I'm sure I'll get things in order soon.  Friendships are important and I have a lot of catching up to do with a lot of friends who I have not spent a lot of time with.   The good news is that football season is upon us and that makes me very happy.  This week the Fall TV shows will get started and that is always a great time for me.  I don't even know if I can take on new favorite shows, but I'm sure I'll find some.

I'm very good about wanting to do things, especially things to better myself.  As is my cycle, I take on new hobbies and after a while start to neglect them.  It has been a while since I picked up a new project and tried to learn something new. I need to get on that.  For example, I feel like I would really like to learn to cook.  Not super well, just like enough to make a few dishes I could enjoy and live on.  I wish I had good friends that knew how to cook that could help me learn.  I not very much of a foodie, so taking a class isn't even a consideration.  I just need to buy some food and read the directions on the box. I'm not helpless, I mean I can BBQ and make a few things, but I'm sure there are ways to be able to have more cooking options.

isn't she lovely

A Better Friend

"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence." - George Washington 

Life is full of change and sometimes that change is welcomed and other times it drags you kicking and screaming.  Change isn't always for the better, but if you learn from it, you should always be better for it.  Abrupt change is the easiest to understand, circumstances are now different, but after a period of grieving, you adapt in the best way you can and move forward.  What I am finding I have trouble dealing with is gradual change.  You know, where the changes are so small and insignificant at any one time, but as the months and years pass by, things are dramatically different than they once were.  Sometimes you see this gradual change coming and instead of just watching the slow progression, it feels easier to just skip to the abrupt change so that you can begin to adapt to it now.  It probably isn't the best plan of action.  There are times, for example, in a relationship, where you can see it fading, you know that things might be ok at the moment, but they are slowly getting worse and things are not sustainable the way they are.  My usual reaction is to force the issue instead of just enjoying the time you might have until things fall apart.  What I forget is that sometimes you can instead choose to put your effort to start turning the ship around instead of just jumping to the dreaded outcome you feel is inevitable.  It won't be as fast or easy as ending things, but will take longer and more sustained effort.  I need to stop taking shortcuts, especially when they don't have desired results.

I have many vivid memories from college that I visit from time to time.  A relevant one that has been on my mind has to do with one of my close friends who was also a girl.  When we met, her personality was unlike anyone I had met up until that point in my life.  She was extremely animated, outspoken and socially affectionate.  We quickly became good friends and spent a lot of time together. Being away from home can be lonely and having someone there with you makes it much easier to adapt. Her sincere kindness was something I really appreciated.  For example, I was once in my dorm bed sick as a dog and she came across campus in what was probably terrible weather to bring me orange juice.  No one had ever done for this me and I really appreciated it.  As time passed we grew closer and I was really fond her, but only as a friend.  It was weird, I also found her very much attractive, but I didn't have apparent romantic feelings toward her.  It was something I couldn't explain to myself, I wanted to like her that way, but at that point I knew what it felt like to be smitten and this was just different.  It might have had to do with becoming friends with her while I was in the tail end of a relationship, maybe I just saw her different from the start.  The subsequent ill advised night where we kissed didn't change my feelings and I don't presume to know what hers were.

What I remember was one time we were both having an argument about our complicated friendship and what it meant.  She was the closest and most important person to me at the time and I made a crass comment pointing out that we were not in an relationship.  In her blunt and honest manner, she told me assertively that it didn't matter what I wanted to call it or what I told myself, it was most definitely a relationship. It didn't sink in at the time, but years later I finally understood what she might have been trying to say. Things are not black and white and relationships are broader than just romantic relationships.

The friendship went the way situations like that go, any crush she may have had passed and after a seemingly meaningless blow up, which was mostly my fault, it pretty much led to the end of our close friendship.  I'll never forget how much I was missing her that night and when she finally came to my room, I asked her to leave.  Much later we became acquaintances in the guise of friends, but it was always like there was a wall between us when it came to true communication.  I always held her in high esteem after that, but things would never be the same.  It is weird for someone to go from being in your day to day life to just being someone you know.   The kicker is, when I look back on my past romantic relationships, for some reason I consider her as one of them.  What I had with her, despite us never dating, was deeper and more meaningful than many actual relationships I cycled through during college and years after. I learned a lot about myself, what I was looking for and that things are not always what they seem.

I think everything played out for the best, since all's well that ends well, but it wasn't easy for me. Interestingly, it wasn't the last time I ran into this type of situation, but at least I had a roadmap on how it would most likely play out.  I keep learning a lot of little lessons, but probably not the big lesson I should have learned by now.  The problem is that I probably still have a lot to learn.

not the answer