A Good Start

"Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath.  Today, we are a pious and exemplary community.  Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever."  -Mark Twain

Ok, I think I figured out how to network my blog and Facebook.  I did kind of like it in the notes section better, but I guess I'll test this out and see how or if it works.  I know, exciting stuff.

The new year has started well.  We are almost a month in and since I didn't make any resolutions, I'm happy to say that I haven't failed to keep any.  Though, if I were to be honest, had I made any, I probably would have violated each one by now. 

Work has kept me busy and has been particularly interesting. I've also started to take on a lot of small projects around my house that I have been putting off.  I still haven't found a final setup for organizing my computer room/office, but I'm working on it.  I'm still trying to sell off some old items that are just taking up space to clear up some room in my garage. I've spent a lot of time working on organizing my iTunes music library on my computer, but I don't know why since I seem to listen to the radio more than music on my iPhone/iPod.  I ran into a few mix cds I had from college and that inspired to me to put some playlists together and discover some new music. I used to love making mix-tapes (well mix-cds).  It was like you were creating this emotional journey and even listening to them now brings back sometimes great and sometimes sad memories. Austin is the live music capital of the world and I need to be taking advantage of it more.  The first step is to get more up to date on what it out there beyond the Top 40 stuff.

One or my project goals for the first half of the year is to finally get another full sized bed for my guestroom so that friends can have a more comfortable place to stay when they are in Austin. I had one temporarily in there, but my goal is to make it one of those rooms where it looks like a ghost lives there, but that doubles as a great place for someone to feel at home.  I'm starting to really enjoy having my own house, but there always seems to be so much to do.  Also, a reminder to any of my friends, if you are ever in Austin, you have a place to stay.

Now that I have adequately buried the lead, I have great news.  Adding to the 2012 year of love theme, another friend of mine has joined the bandwagon of getting married. One of my best friends from college Herbert is getting married in April in California.  I am ecstatic at the news and have been looking forward to this news for quite some time.  Seriously, 3 weddings in the month of April is a bit much.  When Herbert and I talked about the news, we could not believe that it has now been 10 years since we graduated college.  College! 10 Years! Time really flies, but is great to see how far my friends have come, both professionally and personally.  I'm so very proud of all of them.  I have one more friend from college that I think might pop the question this year as well, but I shouldn't get ahead of myself.

Life has been very quiet. I feel like I have been on hiatus, but I don't know from what. I have all my travel plans set for Puerto Rico, but that is still some time away.  Wicked has started playing in Austin again, but since I have already seen it, I don't have plans to see it again. I have been itching to see a play or musical.  I had really wanted to see Spring Awakening, but I missed it again when it was in Austin in September, probably because I was distracted.  I saw the preview episode for the new show on NBC called Smash. It looks like it is going to be great.


Because 2011 was somewhat of an emotional roller coaster, right now I think I'm okay with just walking around the park enjoying the sights, hey, maybe I'll even take in a show.  The thing is that you can't walk past Magic Mountain and not want to get in line, so I'm sure it is only a matter of time. It is probably worth it waiting for one you will really enjoy.  I also should focus on keeping away from that food court.  Sometimes it is nice to take the time to stop and remember that it is great to live in a theme park.

Florida

End of the Year

"A friend to all is a friend to none." - Aristotle

This is my 600th post.  How crazy is that?  And that only includes the entries after I moved from hosting my own site manually to Blogger.  I can't believe I have kept a blog all these years (since 1999) and always go through these moments where I question why I keep one to begin with.  I don't think it is only hubris, but there is something cathartic about putting your thoughts down when you have a lot of things on your mind. I'm sure a private journal would also suffice, but this outlet makes it feel more real.  It is also an outlet that I often find myself in need of.

Now that Facebook has stopped automatic updates to my notes section when I post an entry, I haven't decided if I manually want to update my Facebook with my blog entries or keep this separate.  Before, the update was automatic, so even if I drafted something I felt was too personal for FB, it posted it on its own anyway, so I didn't think much about it.  My last few entries I haven't posted to FB, so keeping this separate is probably what I will do, even though less people will get to see it.  The technicalities aside, I'm still thinking about it.

I kind of jumped the gun and made my previous entry my year in review entry, so I'll focus more on my holiday season.  I got off of work for Christmas on Friday the 23rd and went home to the Valley to visit my family.  My brother Abram couldn't make it because he went to spend Christmas with his fiance's family in Dallas.  The idea of our family Christmas one day branching off into separate family Christmases is still hard to imagine, but that is the way of things.  For now, we will all still gather together at my parents house.

I took my dogs with me on my trip and they behaved great except for the part where they covered my car in mud.  It was raining during the trip and I wanted to make sure they got a chance to use the restroom when I stopped, but I had trouble controlling two wet dogs.  I saw my cat Maddie at my mom's house and she had grown so much bigger during this past year.  It was good to see and visit with my family during the break.  I usually make an effort to visit friends and try to hang out while I am down, but I was down for such a short period of time, that I didn't get to.  That is starting to happen more often than not and is something I need to work on.

Christmas was generally very nice. Nothing out of the ordinary. The family got together and opened presents and the kids had their fun.  The siblings did a gift exchange which worked great.  I got to visit more with all my nieces and nephews, though we had all spent Thanksgiving together so a lot of time hadn't passed.  I tried to engage them in a discussion on agnosticism, but other than really frustrating my mom, I don't think I made much headway.  You would think that, "I don't know" would be an easy framework to approach such lofty issues. That part was fun.  Here are some photos from the trip I took with my new camera that I bought for myself for Christmas. http://www.flickr.com/photos/hyadus/sets/72157628611181755/  There is this one video I took of my niece Celeste singing that really made my Christmas.

I had to come back to Austin on the 26th for work and ended up working during the week that I had scheduled to be off.  I was able to take a half day on my birthday, the 27th, but did go to work for the first time in my life on that day.  My birthday didn't really feel much like a birthday, my brother came over, we had a beer and I spent the rest of my time with my thoughts instead of out with my friends.  It was what I needed this year I think.

I was pleasantly overwhelmed by the people that wished me happy birthday, especially on Facebook.  I know it can be a facebook reflex at times, but it meant a lot to me and really made my day to know that even for that small time that I was thought of.  Time is one of those things where no matter how hard you try to hold on to it, it always feels like it is slipping away.

When I moved down from DC in 2007, I stored a lot of boxes at my mom's house and now that I have my own house, I tried to bring back as much stuff as I could.  I collect a lot of things and some of the boxes I call my "boxes of memories."  I'm talking about every movie ticket stub from ever date I went on in high school, college photos and books, old letters, cards, pictures and stuffed animals I was given as gifts. One day I plan to go through them and throw out most of the clutter in those boxes, but I sometimes have the problem of revisiting old memories with longing and sometimes it is easier not to think about them.

A lot of things have changed this year and the true test is how I come out on the other side.  I'm writing this on New Year's Eve and even though I usually try to do something big for New Years, this year, I decided not to temp fate by being out on the roads and instead spent it reflecting on my year and thinking about what my goals are going to be for the following year.  I know this wasn't exciting or entirely upbeat, but sometimes life isn't always upbeat.  Nevertheless, it doesn't change my eternal optimism to have a great and wonderful 2012.  I think a lot of great things are in store.

what do I want?

A Tale of Two Years

"The difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is how you use them." – Unknown

I've purposefully shied away from posting entries these past few months for a variety of personal reasons that stemmed, for the most part, from not knowing what to say.  As this is one of my last entries of the year, it probably makes sense to take stock of the year in review. This year has proven to be both an epic year of accomplishment while at the same time, a year of trials and tribulations. The latter half of the year has been vastly different than the first part of the year, to the point where I even feel like a different person.  Sometimes in life things are just out of your control and I have never accepted that kindly.  It is hard to just wait and see how external factors are going to affect the trajectory of your life.

Let me start with the first half of 2011.  The year started off just like one would hope a new year would start.  I became more healthy, started to run more and I made an sustained effort to spend more time with friends. I had friends move to town and I spent a lot of time focusing on my goal of getting into my first home.  When I met that goal, I was very proud and very happy.  I got a lot more of my fiances in order and really hit my stride at work. I may have yet to meet the right person romantically, but I had my share of good dates and really enjoyed myself.  I rediscovered old passions, tried some new things and really tested my belief system.  I even made new friends, caught up with old friends and I finally got to visit San Diego for the first time, which proved to be as great as I had hoped.  I also picked up sailing, got a new tv and generally felt optimistic.

Now it isn't as black and white as the first part/second part of the year, but there were things in the latter part of the year that started to act like body punches or setbacks whose sheer number started to affect me.  I ran into some problems with a few good friends which made me think I might better cope by taking some time to myself.  I dealt with the poignant news of at least three people I have formerly dated getting married, in which your rational genuine best wishes run into your irrational emotional aches. Then you throw on top of that difficult and selfish decisions that although I don't regret them, I have no excuse for. As the year wore on, I became comparatively less social and regressed to my former less-than-healthy habits and paid their toll.  There were other struggles with more complex layers that I won't go into, but I'll leave this note as a reminder to myself of them. It just felt like the trajectory changed and I was too busy experiencing the problems than trying to pick myself up and rebuild.  Life is by no means gloomy, but compared to the great start of the year, it was starting to feel like an uphill battle.  I don't like that I just retreated into my routine. Then you start dealing with the bigger questions like love and kids and I worry that I might be too selfish to want to start a family one day.  Maybe it is all the weddings I've been to and interacting with my friends and cousins who are now parents.  I have a lot of inventory I need to take.

So, as the year comes to a close and I'm about to be one year older and celebrate another birthday, I feel like a boxer barely standing dazed listening to standing 8 count. Either I'm going to get back in and fight through the cobwebs making a dramatic comeback or I'm about to get knocked out by what is probably not that impressive of a punch.  I'm at about count 6 right now and I feel like the waning days of the year are my last two counts before I must get back in the ring.

Now I recognize the melodramatic-ness of painting a year--which I admit has been full of blessings--as ending on such a melancholy note, but the stark contrast from the beginning to now is what highlights things for me.  I'm usually so much more positive and optimistic and come armed with a plan, goals and efforts on being a better person going forward, but right now, I'm still in the taking it in and trying to figure it out stage.  At least I have passed the trying not to think about it stage.

There is something inspiring about the thought that today, the winter solstice, is the darkest day of the year and from this day on out it just gets brighter.  But now as the new year approaches, I have a lot to look forward to and I am genuinely excited.  My brother and two good friends are getting married to wonderful women.  I have a trip planned to Puerto Rico in the spring, and I know that I've learned some important lessons this year.   I'm starting to feel more free to embrace being agnostic while not fully giving up the irrational belief that everything is always going to work out.  Though it has made me less patient when I so often get the lazy advice that God has a plan or will take care of everything, I don't discount the well intention. I feel confident that no matter what theology one judges me under, that the way I live my life is just as noble. I am looking forward to Christmas not for any religious meaning, nor the pagan traditions of trees and wreaths, or even for the commercialized need for shopping, Santa, elves, snowman stories or Christmas music, but for a time I get to spend with family. It is probably just what I needed.  I wish everyone a Happy Holidays.

birthday

Rino and Jess

"It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married." - Robert Frost

This Thanksgiving weekend, my cousin Rino got married here in Austin to his fiance Jessica.  I was very happy for them and it was a beautiful wedding.  It also served as a family reunion of sorts and I enjoyed visiting with all family on my mother's side.  It was a memorable occasion.

My cousin Rino and I were born seven days apart and lived about an hour away from me growing up.  We spent a lot of time at my grandmother's house.  There were many male cousins in our age group including Adam, Isra, Mario, Abram and myself. Adam, Rino and myself spent a lot of time together as kids getting into all kinds of trouble, but we also made things, broke things and various projects that involved fire. 

When I think about what it means to be a cousin, Rino comes to mind.  Rino and I have this birthday tradition where on December 27th he gives me a dollar and on January 2nd, I give it back to him.  At one point we even framed the dollar and just exchanged the frame.  Even though we played a lot as kids, we didn't really catch up as adults until I moved back to Austin in 2007.  By then he had already met Jessica and it is hard to picture them any other way than together.  I feel like I got to know Jessica pretty well when Rino lived with me at our house in Buda.

You know, I get ahead of myself.  I'll take a step back and talk about the entire holiday weekend.

This year my immediate family had Thanksgiving at my new home.  It felt nice being able to host a holiday.  My father came into town before everyone else on that Tuesday so that we would have time to visit.  He helped me install the two ceiling fans that I bought for my house.  I was very happy with the way they turned out, but too bad I won't really get to enjoy their benefits until the spring.  The next wave of the gang showed up on Wednesday.  This included my niece Rebekkah, my mom, my sister Eliza, her daughters Tori and Celeste, and Gil.  Abram and Ashley helped prepare the turkey for Thanksgiving and I wasn't too involved in the food preparation other than enjoying everyone's good work.  We had a lot of family time, visited and of course, got to watch some football.  It was nice to have everyone together although my sister Ana and her kids didn't get to show up until Friday.

I didn't do any Black Friday shopping unless you count a new camera that I bought for myself online.  Friday we had the rehearsal for Rino and Jessica's wedding.  The church was nice, over 100 years old, with a very kind pastor.  The groomsmen consisted of Rino's cousins, so we were all pretty close.  The bridesmaids were nice and having known Jessica for some time now, I had either met or knew most of them.  I was not a big fan of the wedding planner, she meant well, but was a bit too condescending for my tastes.  I also couldn't understand how or why she could still have an original iPhone.  3G maybe I could understand, but the original?  We were instructed like petulant kids not to chew gum, and not to lock our knees for fear of fainting.  I will say I was honored to be able to stand next to the best man, Rino's cousin Vince.

After the rehearsal, we went to the rehearsal dinner where we were greeted with unlimited pizza and beer.  Had Thanksgiving not been the day before, I think I would've taken greater advantage of the situation.  This was the first time I really got to sit and talk to my cousin Adam, his wife Kirby and relatively newborn daughter Kali.  Something changes in a person when they become a parent I think, they just seem so much more responsible and grounded.  His daughter looked just like him and he called her as a nickname the Spanish word for monkey.  My cousin Israel was also there with his wife and his, also what I would consider relatively newborn, son Mateo.  His son looked a lot like my grandfather and also reminded me of myself as a baby, which made it easy to like him.  Seriously, there were babies and kids everywhere, including my cousin Vanessa's newborn daughter.  I want to make clear, when I use the word newborn, I just mean less than a year old since that is the best I can do in trying to understand the age of the baby without actually trying to keep up.

Friday night, now that my sister Ana and her three kids, Andrew, Michael, Sarah and my cousin Alex and her two daughters were over at my house, we played board games in my living room.  We played the game Gestures, which is just a form of charades that I actually remember playing with my older sister when I was a kid.  It was a very fun time, though I still have to say that Taboo is my favorite game.  I had at least 12 people staying over that night and it was like a little refugee camp, but in a good way that it created the atmosphere for a lot of bonding.  It reminded me how has a kid we would all stay at my grandmother's house for Christmas and it never felt like there were too many people.

Saturday was the big wedding day.  I put on my tuxedo, which included suspenders, something I had never worn before.  I can see why Larry King likes them so much.  I'm not usually a fan of brown, but I think they were nice.  I got to the church early to meet up with the rest of the groomsmen and take some pictures.  I don't often chew gum,  but I decided to chew gum that day.  A fellow groomsmen may or may not have brought with him a bottle of Crown of which I for one enjoyed. I got to see the bride before the wedding, Jessica had on a very pretty white dress that she looked very nice in.  I can only imagine how hard it is to shop for a wedding dress.  I've been to my fair share weddings recently, but this is the first wedding in a while where I really knew the bride well as opposed to mainly the groom.  Rino's nephew Sebastian was the honorary ringbearer and looked adorable.

It was now time for the wedding, the pews were filled with family and friends and I walked out with my corresponding bridesmaid to find our place.  The actual wedding is kind of a blur, but what I remember was the happy expressions on the bride and groom's faces.  The two moments I most vividly recall were when they exchanged rings and how they almost kissed before it was time.  It was a very nice ceremony and I hope everything that the bride and groom imagined.

Then it was time for the reception.  My housemate Norbert worked the bar.  I thought the DJ played good music and a lot of time was spent visiting with family I had not seen in quite some time.  We don't have family reunions, but family weddings seem to serve this purpose perfectly.  But what I will say, was that the comment, "so when are you getting married?" seemed to come a lot more often on this occasion.  It normally doesn't bother me, and I know this is a common issue for single people my age, but it also seems to come with unsaid assumptions or insinuations that can be awkward.  This was extremely apparent when it came time for the garter toss.  There was only a handful of us standing up there, and when you take away the teenagers and the people in unmarried relationships, there was 2 or 3 of us.  As the garter flew towards me, in what felt like slow-motion, I figured I wouldn't be a jerk and move and instead I would just catch it and accept my fate.  This thought process was short-lived, as an older gentleman who I didn't see behind me, pushed me out of the way and lurched for the garter.  He seemed so very happy and proud as if somehow this really meant that he would be getting married next.  I was happy for him and still remain garter-less in the weddings I have attended.

The rest the night was spent drinking, dancing and talking with family.  They had a photo booth, which is starting to become a staple at most weddings, that everyone found to be very enjoyable including myself.  I still don't get the stupid mustache thing but hopefully that hipster trend will fade over time.  I enjoyed some debates about the idea of having a "no kids" wedding in a family with as many kids as mine has.  This can stir quite the emotions I must say.  Here are my photos from the event: http://www.flickr.com/photos/hyadus/sets/72157628393337905/

The night ended with sparklers and a send off.  I'm very happy for Rino and Jessica and since they have always been a team for as long as I've known them as adults, I look for to see them embark on this next stage together.

As far as weddings go, 2012 already has 3 more lined up.  My friend Rick's, my friend Oscar's and my brother Abram's.  It is shaping up to be a good year.

books