Holding on to that hot coal

I have climbed highest mountain

I have run through the fields

Only to be with you

Only to be with you
I have run I have crawled

I have scaled these city walls

These city walls

Only to be with you
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
- U2

It is easy to be positive and happy when life is going well and especially when emotionally straining things are not happening. So yeah, I think I'm all pimp cause I'm feeling great, happy and emotionally sound, but the fact of the matter is that I haven't been tested. As small things that shouldn't substantially affect me have made a stronger impact than I expected, it makes me start to truly test my emotional state. It is nice to find out if you are full of bullshit.

So I will be honest, I planned to wake up at 6am on Wednesday so I could run from 6:30-7:30 and be in class at 8:30am. I tried to go to bed early, but it did not work out. I end up talking on the phone past midnight and then don't fall asleep until 3:30am. At 6am I wake up, but I instead of jumping up like I need to do, I just rolled over and laid down for 2 more mins, like it would really make a difference...well I look at the clock and it is 7:30am. Mind you, this is really really early for me nevertheless, but it wasn't my goal. Well there is no time to go run and then shower and make it for class, so I consider missing class as a penalty, but I figure that I'm just trying to find an excuse to miss class and it is too early to start that now. So instead I just go to class again and go run as soon as I get home....which I did.

Wednesday Ralph came over to work on this research assignment, which we both sucked at. I put way too much time into this project, but my conviction not to learn how to research the US code and legislative history led to my ass just giving up and making up answers. But the point of this is that Ralph saw all my motivational crap on my dry erase board with all my goals and my "southbeach Marty" theme. Now, had I been near the end of all these goals, I'd be proud of this list, but since I am still just starting out, it was a bit awkward, but he did give me shit for it, but nothing too bad. I promised to myself I won't talk my bullshit until I can lead by example, so it sucked I wasn't an example yet. This bores me.

I am starting to feel sick. The problem is that I haven't just gotten sick, it is slowly creeping up on me. I feel like I don't know if I should just get sick and get it over with, or fight it off. I really want to fight it off, but it hasn't seemed to be working too well. A lot of people in my class have been sick, so I think I might have what they have. I hate being sick, mainly because of my lifetime of being perpetually sick. Due to my allergies, I was pretty much sick year round. But now thanks to my ionic breeze and I guess God, my allergies have been amazing, and I'm not slaved to claritin and have been really damn healthy. Considering I haven't been too sick, I'm really loving it, so now that I'm getting sick, it is really upsetting me and reminding me of a past life of feeling like crap. Not that anyone else enjoys being sick, but I'll be self centered and say I really hate it. I think being sick is like dreams, only interesting to the person it affects.

Thursday I had my 2nd installment of poker night. We played at this guy Kevin's place and I got to get to know him better and this other guy David. Everyone from the week before was there too. I liked his place a lot, which made me think that after my lease is up, I'm moving into a one bedroom. Financially it sucks, but fuck it, I'm an adult and I should live on my own. It also has to do with my whole thing of wanting a really nice place that only I am responsible for. What am I going to do when I have kids and they make messes, man I hope I have a clean wife (and hope I learn to be clean and less cluttered to add to that.) So back to poker, I was doing great kicking ass and up a lot, so I call an all in bet and get my stack destroyed. I start playing loose to try to capture my pass losses and lose my buy-in. Instead of playing good poker, I get more loose and go all in on a KJ thinking everyone would fold and of course lose. I end up going out first and calling it a night early. At least I'm getting the social part going, now I need to work on the making money part.

Friday afternoon: I'm sitting here in a mandatory meeting for my writing class and my civ pro class. So for an hour I have to listen to some judges talk about something, I'm assuming the law. What a perfect time to sit down and write a few thoughts. So let me tell you about my watch. I have this really sweet fossil watch I purchased when I first moved to DC. I bought it at a fossil outlet store so that I would have a nice watch for work. It is the only watch I use, though I do have a few other watches thrown in my drawer somewhere. Well yesterday I noticed that the thing stopped ticking. I guess that makes sense, since it gave me almost 3 years of good ticking and the battery was destined to give out. I usually don't go get new batteries for watches, I just end up getting a new watch since it usually is time for one. The problem is that I have gotten so comfortable with this watch, and even though it gots scratches, I will probably just get a battery for it. So I'm getting ready for class and I have to pick between no watch, a nice watch I never wear, or my non working watch, well I go with the non-working watch. As unlogical as it sounds, I went with the non-working watch instead of nothing. So now the weight on my arm feels right, and not wearing one just makes me feel naked and though I wouldn't mind being naked too much, I don't think it is fair to other kids at school. What really sucks is that I keep looking at it and I'm perteutually living in 11:25....well just :25 since I never look at the hour hand, just the mins. Getting batteries sucks. It is weird how we do things for routine and custom even when they no longer make sense.

Saturday I did my cardio workout in the morning, but also went to play soccer at 1pm. There were a lot of kid league games going on, but no pick up games, so it wasn't too cool at first. I should probably go later in the day and since I'm not going to use the time to just run, I really wanted to play soccer. I ended up playing goalie for a few girls (8-10 years old) who were getting ready to play their game. It was actually really fun. Then I kicked around with Fed and then these two Columbian kids came by and we played them 2 on 2 goal kicks, a game Juan Carlos taught me. We lost 8-4, but they were much much better than us...well a fuck load better than me, a bit better than Fed, but I didn't do too well, but whatever, I'm there to learn, so I'm gonna suck. At one point I got terrible cramps in my calves. I guess the explosive muscle growth, plus all that running didn't help much. As I was dying on the floor, no one gave a shit. Not at all. I figured it would be the end for me cause I was in excruciating pain and that was all I could think of, but the fact they didn't give a shit made me feel like they saw me as a pussy for being in pain, so I was able to get up and walk for a bit and just started playing again. It took some time for the cramps to stop, but I got back into the swing of things ok and was happy I just didn't quit.

I caught up on my HBO Carnivale and now get to start watching it on Sunday again. Can't wait for Deadwood either.

how did you end up in my dream, why did I act so predictably?

Visitors

"It is sheer good fortune to miss somebody long before they leave you."- Morrison

Ok, I know you are out there, friends and people who read this page and haven't signed the guestbook. Come on, make my day and give me a signature other than all those spam type ads I always seem to get on there. Also note I have a message board, which seems to be ignored as well. Even just a hey, what's up would be enough. I'm not saying my self-esteem needs it, but it wouldn't hurt. I also like to know who is actually reading this.

I am noticing that I am not working as hard on this law school thing as I should this semester. I think I am using all my outside activities/goals as a distraction from actually getting my work done. I feel more motivated about learning, but it still sucks I have to sit down and do those hours of reading. I am more into school this semester than before, but my output isn't where I want it to be yet. I am going to figure out something to change this, cause I am going to get amazing grades this semester.

Today in contracts a chick got called on and she pretty much said she wasn't prepared and the professor said she would get called on Monday. Had this been property, she would have been kicked out. I have thought of using that excuse, but I usually am too scared and am at least half ass prepare when I am not fully prepared. I got called on in the last class, so I think I have bought some time in this class. I spent time writing in class and don't feel like I listened as well as I should of.

Our school has come out with its picture book. I think it is kind of cool to put names to a lot of the faces I see. I wonder if it would be worth learning the names of all the people in my class (I've learned all 70 in my section), but since most/everyone else doesn't know me, it might be weird if I knew their name. There are some people whose pictures are missing, which is easy to tell when there are some hot girls that are not in there. Let me tell you how I have gone about learning people's names in my section. First there are those you learn easily because you know them, but for the rest, I read the roll we sign each day from top to bottom and visual all the faces. Each day I get better and better.

A few days ago, I was in the library and I heard 3 girls talking about their friend who had just got her implants. They were talking mad shit about how they were too big for her and then one defended her friend (impressive for a girl) saying she probably didn't intend to make them that big and thinks she is upset about that. Really could they be too big? I didn't know who they were talking about, but I just averaged the looks of those 3 girls and figured she probably wasn't that hot of a chick. I think I am just naive about a lot of shit (ie cocaine use, etc.), which means I think that very few girls get this done, or at least want to, but I am learning more and more that more girls than I think want/have them. I'd have to say that I don't think I've ever hooked up with a girl who had them, but I usually take it for granted that they are real and don't think too much about it. I don't think I fully understand a woman's need to want to be hot, yet despite being treated like a sex object. Either way, I guess it works out for guys, so I won't complain...too much.

Tuesday morning I did not wake up early as I planned to run. I got up in time to get ready for class, but I had to pass up the running in the morning. I was really pissed with myself, but after class, I went to the gym and did my running workout. No loss, but it wasn't a good way to set a new habit. I've been thinking about it and I have noticed that in my life, I am more motivated doing things on my own than counting on other people. When I got in great shape, I did it on my own, every time I have tried to enlist buddies, they either are not up for it, or do not motivate me in any way. I enjoy counting on other people, but not for personal goals, I have to put the weight on myself so that I can't blame anybody. I think that is part of why married men get fat. I really have nothing better to do right now than make myself a kick ass awesome person, not to discount the pretty pimp person I am now.

I hate the assignments in my writing class. I feel like they are so useless and take up so much of my time. I love to write and want to learn to write well, especially as a lawyer, but these assignments seem like such bullshit. Though if I hold the bullshit standard to learning, I'd never learn anything, which means I just need to get over it and get my work done. So I go around thinking like everyone else, but I when I think about stuff, I think, wow, I should write this down. Usually I'd just go home and tell someone my thoughts, but people don't seem as interested in my random thoughts when I speak them, so I just write them down now (though I still talk about them quite a bit as well). The problem is that when I think of stuff, I am usually in a position where I can't write it down. For example, when I am driving, when I'm in the shower or the like. Why is it that the best ideas come when we have trouble keeping them.

Today my backpack was very heavy. I think it has to do with my being sore from the upper body workout, but I had all kinds of stuff in it, from my lunch, to water and the majority of the weight, my books and computer. It made me get a flashback of seeing Terri in DC carrying her super large full backpack one day after work when we met up and me thinking, wow, is that really how much law students have to carry around. I didn't quite believe it at the time, but now I am starting to fully understand. I'm glad my back isn't hurt or anything.

Let me talk a bit about my Spanish tapes. They are pretty simple so far, but I think it is important to learn the basics. I'm doing great and am learning to say Castellano instead of espanol. A friend of mine told me that he knows a lot of white people that marry Cubans and learn to speak Spanish like native speakers. I've actually seen it a few times as well. It really motivated me in having confidence in the power of these tapes and my ability to kick ass. I should be done with all 3 levels by the summer and Spain will be a great place to practice and after I think I'll be an official Spanish speaking person. Speaking of, I got my letter of registration for Spain, so now I am officially going, which is really damn pimp. Now I need to plan what I'm going to do about koki and mia, and my apartment, but it has a lot to do with whether I get accepted to any of my transfer schools or stay here. There are many permutations here, but I'm sure it will all fall into place. Back to Spanish, I have a problem wanting to use the word "yo" for "I" way too much when you really don't have to. For example "yo hablo Castellano" where I could just say "hablo castellano."

So part of my program lets me do and eat what I want on Sundays. So that means I have all week to plan out my meals on Sunday. I'm going to really test that part of the program and have Taco Bell or Pollo Tropical for lunch and for dinner, I am finally going to try cooking Picadio, a food I haven't had in a long time. Let's hope I can wait that long. Hopefully I can find where I left that recipe, hope I didn't delete it.

Since Vday is coming up, here comes the talk about the subject that I do every year. There are probably a few more of these to come. So today I get an email from pro flowers reminding me to buy flowers again from them for the elephant in the room. I haven't purchased from them in at least 2 years, but the idea of remembering your last order and reminding you is good marketing tool,but it is kind of annoying. Considering this has happened in the past, you'd think I'd just add that address to my spam filter. On the same subject, I talk to my grandmother one or twice a week and though she is usually really good about it, she sometimes finds a way to bring up people I'd probably rather talk or think about. She is getting more cunning in the way she does it. I was talking to her about my younger sister and relationships when she mentioned some of mine as an example and then threw in a question. She means well and I guess it sucks that she liked her so much, but so is life.

I learned in contracts today that Burger King was founded in Miami. Cool shit huh, the only other place I know of where it was founded was Whataburger, which was founded in Corpus Christi. I have some very good memories there. I don't know where either of the original stores are, but I think our professor said the original Burger King was somewhere off Flagler. I wonder where McDonalds was founded, well I guess I don't wonder too much cause I could probably look it up and I don't really care to.

Yesterday I was talking to a classmate who used to be a ballerina about dancing and a place in Miami Lakes where I could sign up for classes. During the conversation, a few guys added in that it would be a great idea and one guy said, "girls equate dancing with sex, so that should be good." That was kind of the reason I never really wanted to learn to dance (that and the two left feet part), because I would think of it as fake sex (look at any hip hop club) and it bother me for two reasons. One, who wants to date a slut who pretends having sex with all kinds of guys and secondly, I hate cock teases and I see dancing (some forms more than others) as a cock tease, so why would I want that. If I want to have sex, I'll just have sex, why pretend in public. This was a mindset really holding me back, something it took me a while to get over so that I could move forward in actually learning. I don't think about it the same way anymore as far as the extent to which everyone see is that way, and I know everyone is different and yes, a lot of girls on the dance floor are sluts and cock teases, but that isn't the reason why all of them are there. I mention the subject cause its a goal I don't think I've taken as many steps on as my others.

what are your intentions? what do you want?

Tragic Flaws

People only reveal their social insecurity by deflecting compliments, and actually the "Oh, it's not so great" response comes across as fishing for further and higher compliments. The person who compliments you doesn't want an argument! Deflecting compliments is a common enough social error, based on the mistaken belief that such behavior implies modesty. But it is actually a slap in the face to the person complimenting you as though you didn't' appreciate a kind word. If you must be modest, turn the conversation to the subject of the compliment. Your jacket, your debating championship, your rose garden, and tell some funny anecdote about it at your own expense. - James C. Humes, How to be a Very Important Person

I spent the latter part of the weekend cleaning, which is good because I was able to watch the football playoffs at the same time. Talk about manly cleaning. I cleaned the entire apartment, something it seems like only I do. I got a great roommate, but I need to stop getting pissed inside and being a jerk because he doesn't care about cleaning our place as much as I do. He does clean, but when necessary, not in order to have a nice clean place. We made a deal that I'd vacuum if he would mop the kitchen...well I ended up mopping the kitchen cause I couldn't take it anymore. When I had friends over on Thursday, they all told me they liked the place, which made me feel pride in where I live and thus made me want to clean it more and make it look nicer. I rearranged the living room in a way he didn't like, which made him say, "oh, am I just going to just have to get used to this?" making his disappointment known. Usually I'd compromise as I have in the past, but this time I just said, "yes, I guess so." It sucks cause we get along so well that we don't need this shit to get in the way, so I'll just let it go, but I need to make sure I don't keep my resentment in cause I have seen what that can do, especially when it comes to cleaning. Thanks for hearing me vent.

I also did my laundry and started to work on my room. I have a more to go for my room, but I have it in a decent condition. I was procrastination from doing work I think, which is good when I use procrastination of one thing to get another important thing done. I need to figure out a way to get more organized and less cluttered, which probably means I need to start throwing more shit out. I didn't do any ironing, but I now I have a section in my closet for unironed clothes.
I've started the Body for Life program, but I won't talk too much about it until I have resolved to stay on it and I start seeing real improvement. Then you can count on my ass preaching its praises from the high ceilings. I read the entire book this weekend and was inspired by a guy in my class who told me that his friend was doing it and it was going well. The workouts are not too bad, pretty normal I think, but they are everyday (alternating running, lifting), and they are fairly short (45min/20mins). I do get Sunday's off though. The hardest part I think will be the eating 6 times a day. I only eat twice a day to being with so to add 4 meals is a pain in the ass. I purchased meal replacements to make sure I do it right for those extra meals, but I guess I'll see how it goes. Another thing is the drinking a shit load of water thing. I have been drinking more water these past few years, but this is a lot more than I am used to.

This brings me to my story. Last night I decide to go to bed early and before I know it, it is midnight. Nevertheless, I lay down do my contracts reading hoping it will put me to sleep. I'm reading my last case when a person I enjoy talking to calls me. I put the book down and talk for a bit. I think we made some comment about me getting called on for that case. So I'm in Contracts today and all that drinking makes me need to go piss. So I go after about 15 mins, and then as we are finishing a case I have to go again. I'm like great, people are going to think I'm sick or something. I decide to wait until she calls on someone for the next case so that I won't look like I am leaving to avoid being called on. Well guess who gets called on, yup, me and guess which case it was, yup that same case from the night before. Luckily, I had finished it in the morning, but I didn't highlight it at all. I did great though, even though some of my facts were off, and most of all, I actually learned something. Sucks to be this pimp. I need to get this water thing under control though.

A highlight in the class was when our professor, who is female and middle aged wanted to say "starts the clock ticking," but instead said, "starts the clock dicking." The funny part was that people were too scared to laugh, considering she is a respectable dean and all, but she couldn't help but laugh and it took her some time to get back to the point. She made a funny comment about wonder what made her say that. It is nice to see how some people can be human too.
Backing up, I woke up this morning and went to the gym, hopefully I'll be able to become a morning gym person, something that is like twice the pain, being up early and working my ass off. MWF isn't too bad, but TTh I have to wake up really really early, so those will be the real test.

This week I am starting my Spanish tapes. I hope to do them for the entire week and then every other week in my car alternating with whatever audio book or learning program I am doing at the time. They feel a bit slow, but I need to learn the basics correctly so that I can start to truly get better. So next week is the Alchemist, then back to Spanish and then who knows, since I have a list like no other of stuff to listen to.

You know when people say, "Hey I want to start a Chicano law school group." --> me, yet you know they won't do it. Well I said that to my friend Jane and she told me she wanted to start an Asian Law group. I was like sure, and then she started with group meetings and such, but I didn't think it would become a legitimate group. Well guess what, this group is kicking ass, part of a national group, doing a tsunami fundraiser raffle (hope I win the hotel stay at the hard rock for me and a lucky lady) and all kinds of networking. It really hit me today when the girl next to me who is the secretary for the group was typing up the minutes of their last meeting and I saw all they had done and what they were doing. Way to fucking go Jane! I don't think I could do it, I have trouble just being part of a group, much less starting one. I wish I had that type of spirit.

My older sister IMed me today and told me she had just read my entry and jested that I had no privacy. This is a subject that comes up a lot and that I talk about a bit. Writing all the crap that happens to me and what I am thinking does leave me with less privacy, but it doesn't bother me too much. I do worry about saying shit that might piss someone off, or offend a person checking up on me, but then I'd have to be less honest, so I try to do a good job balancing. It does suck cause I don't feel too comfortable saying shit like, "Dude, saw this fucking hot bitch, man it is going to be cool when we hook up," or "My friend is a fucking cunt." I'm sure the friend wouldn't be too happy, one, that I think they are a cunt and, two, that I just about told everyone too. It would be how I was feeling though, so I would be torn. My, well people know it is just one side of the story part probably won't hold up, but that is why God gave us common sense. Each year I feel like I push the line more and more to talking about more stuff, and though I've thought of just writing on one of those anonomyous journal sites where I could get mad hits, I'm sure someone would be able to find it and then there would be mad incriminating shit, so I might as well just do the balancing thing here. Seriously, I think this keeps me sane and organized.

"The more things change, the more they stay the same. I’m not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it’s the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw: my inability to change. I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still... It feels safer somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected... Who knows what other pain might be out there, waiting for you. Chances are it could be even worse. So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn’t seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You’re not a drug addict. You’re not killing anyone -- except maybe yourself a little. When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they looked at us really close. Which, thank god, they never do. But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever. That you'll never have to change again. It probably won’t work out that way, though, since things will keep changing. That’s one thing I know a lot about: whether you like it or not, stuff keeps happening all the time. And not always for the better. Usually not, it seems. But maybe it gets easier. Hopefully that first change doesn’t hurt too much, it doesn’t kill you, you don’t lose any limbs or an eye -- or a friend. Then you figure you can do it again. It’s like when you have to move something really heavy, like a couch, or a car that ran out of gas. You can hardly budge it at first, but once it finally starts to move, it gets a lot easier to push the rest of the way. As long as you don’t stop pushing. So I guess you can keep changing... a little at a time, once you get started. You sort of have to, because if you don’t -- if you stop and freeze up again -- then you still have that same flaw you started with after all. So you just have to take a chance. Push yourself. Take that first step outside the box and hope it’s not too horrible. And enough small changes can eventually add up, until finally you really are different. Even enough for other people to notice, not just you. That probably has something to do with growing up." - Everwood (borrowed from a friend).

Is it easy to idealize someone when they can't do anything to let you down

NFL Playoff Time

"Show me a hot woman on the street and I'll show you a man who is tired of fuckin' her." - Sidewalks of New York

So I was reading and I found out that there are 3 kinds of people. Don't we love to categorize people into a few simple categories, you know, like type A and type B. Well the first is called the dabbler - real exited, then they hit a plateau and quit after about 2 weeks, not getting as much from it...not seem to be making an improvement, you get bored, tired and quit and try another game...Then you have the stresser - gonna make things work, but they push and push and hit a plateau and then burn themselves out and quit. Finally we have the master - way to have success is to practice fundamentals every day and have same acceleration, when hit plateau, then look for ways to hit next level and have patience.

I think I am a mix of the first two, but in certain things I'd have to say I am the final one. But it is true that I do get excited about things and try to change my life, but my life always ends up going back to my old ways. My usual ways are just so relaxing and nice, who wouldn't want to stay up late, sleep a lot and not do much.

When you start to have a positive attitude, things just seem to go right for you. My laptop that dell lost just showed up in the mail. I hope to sell it on ebay and use the money to buy an item on my goals list, either a big tv or a kick ass lcd TV monitor for my computer. I should use it to pay off some debt, but I'll just pretend it is free money. Good times.

Friday night I went to a St. Thomas happy hour with Fed and Frank. I had a good time, but it sucked because everyone went in groups and hung out with their groups, so there was little socializing. I did get to talk to a few new people, but not as many as I wanted. After, I had planned to go home, but instead we ended up at this club. It was a nice outdoor club on a lake with lots of boats. I met this cute Columbian chick there. She came up to talk to me, so I can't be too proud about that. Her cousin gave me shit for not knowing Spanish, the exact words were "pitiful" I think, but the girl said she hated that everyone talked to her in Spanish, so I guess it worked out cause she got to practice her English that night. Fed met a cool chick too. The night ended up being pretty fun, but I am just not a going out type of person, I need to find some bars like those I enjoyed in DC. One thing that really struck me, was the amount of people doing cocaine that night. No shitting, I saw at least 3 different guys snorting while taking a piss and it was out in the open, not even hidden. In a sense I felt bad for them because they wanted to feel good so bad they were doing that shit. I know if I did it I'd be addicted too, but I still think that people shouldn't do coke. I guess I am nieve sometimes about the shit that goes on.

On Saturday, I went running at the park. I also played soccer with Fed. We played the goalie shootout game and even though Fed is great at soccer and I suck, I still won. That was cool. It was nice to get out, get some sun and get in a good workout.

I've talked to my younger sister a bit and the one thing that really gets me when it comes to family members is that I feel so helpless when I can't do anything, especially to make them feel better. I also get stressed when I see them making bad decisions, but really who I am to say whose decisions are right and wrong. I guess all I can do is give advice and stay out of it. Things seem to be getting better and my worrying too much won't help things.

I am now done with the Personal Power II program and Get the Edge by Tony Robbins. Now I guess it is time to actually incorporate this stuff into my life and not just go back to the way I am so used to living. I want to change my life in the sense of making it better. I love my life, I am lucky, blessed and living my dream, but I want more, I want everything and therefore I'm going to out to getting it. I also don't want this feeling of motivation to fade away as it has in the past. This is why I write it here, so that I have to be accountable. I am starting to see that there so so much more than just having that hot girlfriend when it comes to being fulfilled. Don't get me wrong, I'd be happy to be hooking up with some hot chick, but I know better than to think that that is actually a goal rather than just part of the bigger goal of being happy. I was willing to give up so much in the past for a relationship and now I feel like there are things I no longer will give up, not bad things, but things like my interests and friends and goals.

I have a friend whose views on a certain topic I don't agree with. His views on being rich, money, cars, status, and respect are misguided I think. He covets what rich men have I think. He will be rich one day very soon due to his hard work, but he seems to think that money, a good job and a nice car garner respect and admiration, from both colleagues and women. Even if that is true, it doesn't mean you can't have respect if don't have them. I do understand to a point, it does help out a lot, but I don't think it is the end all. Secondly, I think that I know mad poor people that gets lots of chicks and are very respectable. I think you can use it as an excuse to not being happy, but in the end once you get it, you will still be you and if you are not a cool person, your stuff won't make a difference. Like that creepy who wants to marry a millionaire guy, he had it all, but man he was a loser. I don't want to be him, plus what is the point in waiting to enjoy life, why not enjoy it now and enjoy it more later. Though later is so going to be pimp when I have my boat (I don't even like boats, but I want one) and my jazcuzi.

helping people kill time