Moving

"He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help." - Abraham Lincoln

Tuesday after work, I went to help my friend Gissele move. I had never been to her place before, so it was cool I got to see the old and the new. I had to take 495 and the traffic was terrible after work and I was running out of gas. I get too anxious I think. I should probably relax more. I got to her place which was near King Street metro near old town. Different parts of DC have such different memories for me, I'm always fighting with my mind over that. I met up with a lot of her friends who had from Utah/Idaho. First I have to say Gissele is one of the nicest people I have ever met. Nice people worry me, I seem to find them fake and judgmental. Her on the other hand, is sincerley nice, which is really cool. She got us sandwhiches for helping. The moving was hard work, involving stairs and pickups, but I did a good job and maybe this small workout will expand. So let me tell you about her friends. They were really cool people. A few seemed to be very kind Church going folks, which I always worry about too, but they were on the level. There were two couples, both younger than me both newly weds. It was like the hometown girl and the hometown guy type of thing. One girl reminded me so much of Natalie Portman for some reason. They were all very nice to me. It is cool to have friends to help you move.

When I was in San Marcos, Texas, my sister Ana, and brother Abram and I were sitting in Abram's room talking. He as this small statute from our old house and Ana asked me if I had anything that I kept with me from the old house, or just home. I thought about it, and I didn't have anything. I couldn't even think of anything I really would want either at that moment. Then yesterday I'm driving and this picture of this old antique wind up clock my grandmother had popped into my head. It was one of those things that was just always in the background, always there at her house as I was growning up. It was premature, but I called her up and asked her if she had it (intending to ask her if I could have it). She told me it stopped working. I told her I didn't mind. Then she said it was gone. I kept asking if it might be at her old house, but she just kept saying she was sure she no longer had it. So, if there could be one thing I would want that would remind of growing up at my grandparents, I think that clock would be it.

So I am completely caught up with the series Big Love. I actually don't find it too interesting, but once you start watching something you get invested and well feel like you should finish. I can't wait for Deadwood to be back.

sometimes people change and leave you behind, others it is you that changed

Happy Birthday

"Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want." - Unknown

My three day weekend is now over. Memorial Day weekend is always one where I don't know how to feel at times. May 28th is my sister Veronica's birthday. I should be keeping track of how old she would be each year, but in my mind she will always be 29. I never know how to celebrate, I mean birthday's are a day to celebrate life and its the one day of the year that belongs to that person. This was her day and I don't know what to do. I can't just buy her a present or a card like I could my family, I can't do anything it feels like, but I can remember her and make it a point to think about her more. What did end up making my day was an email from my niece Rebekkah reminding it was her mom's birthday. That small moment is the moment that I'll take away from the day.

May 30th is Abram's birthday. I've made it down for a lot of his birthdays but this year the timing didn't work out. He was able to go home and spend the weekend with the family so that was good.

May 29th was my friend Julia's 21st birthday. We went out on Sunday night. Mark came with me and we had a very good time. I had given up drinking after my trip home, but I picked right back up pretty easily. We got to hang out with her friends and it was a nice time. By the end of the night we were pretty drunk. Mark and I jump into a cab and ask him to drive us to the McDonalds by our house. Now, our plan was to get food and walk the half mile home downhill. I sobered up enough to remember you walk through a drive through, so we asked the taxi to drive threw for us. We had to pay him more, but never in my life had I ordered fast food in the back of a taxi drunk. Since we were paying more, we just had him drive us home, which was probably the best decision.

I played a lot of poker this weekend. I'm working on getting a lot of experience while reading poker books on my downtime. Mark is getting really good, but his tight agressive play plus his larger bankroll are helping him move up the ranks really quickly. He was close to qualifying for the world series of poker this weekend. I'm trying to master the small stakes tables and then work my way up. I really need to work harder at this since once school starts in August, I won't have anymore time for liesure reading until after the bar exam.

On memorial day, Shawna had a bbq at their new place. It was nice, not the best of neighborhoods, but only a few blocks away from where I live. The house was great though, much nicer than the one I live in. They are really great about doing fun stuff like that.

I'm financially in dire straights. I've dug a hole that is going to take me 10 years to get out of. I've always banked on my potential earning capacity as my justification, but the truth of the matter is that I have been irresponsible. I've never worried about my student debt and just run it up as much as I can, but that in itself is a problem, but still not one I'm going to worry about. I see people who manage their money well and are frugal and smart and I feel like I don't have that self control. I made a comment about trying to stay out of default until I can sit for the bar so that I get a chance to sit for the bar, but someone told me that staying out of default shouldn't be my end goal. That is when it started to hit me how my approach is like quicksand. I don't have a solution, but need to start seeing it as a problem.

selfish

More Silence

"Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow." - Helen Keller

I had been getting to work late for a variety of reasons. So last night I fall asleep early. Then, unexpectedly, I get a phone call late at night. I knew better than to answer it, but I did. By the time I got to bed, any advantage I had gotten from falling asleep early had been lost and the morning was just as hard. But I pulled my self together and got in my truck and even to work half an hour early. It also happens to be the same day my very punctual bosses show up an hour late. I'm one of those people that thrives on praise and acceptance, which means when I do something good I like to have someone say, 'hey great job' or even just see it. I know it is good things you do when no one is watching that shows your true character, but I already think I'm awesome, I don't need to prove it to myself. If I let myself down, well I'm the first to forgive.

I'm starting to feel better from those headaches I have been having. I've decided they have something to do with my sinues even though my allergies haven't been as bad as they were before finals. I just want to go back to feeling normal. Speaking of, I need to make some big important lifestyle changes. I see myself headed down a path of high blood pressure, expanding waistlines and decreased enjoyment of life and I know I need to start eating right and all that bull we all know but don't do. The way things are works for me, but it is slowly making things worse. I can fight it and change it for a while, but I know I'll go back to it because it is so easy. How do you make yourself want something? Is it out of fear? Fear I might get sick, fear the hotness of the women I date will depend in part upon how unhealthy I'm becoming. That isn't a good way to live I don't think. I need to figure it out and do it fast because well the reality of the fear is growing and a bigger monster is harder to kill than a smaller monster even though I know how to kill both, but don't know how to keep the smaller one from delveloping.

I watched OutFoxed the documentary on Fox News. Some people say it is a very good movie on how biased Fox is, but I say that it outstanding, even though you probably won't care. I just felt like, ah Fox, you assholes, look at you, you kidder you. I feel like we have just accepted the way they work and feel like it is just part of the way things work. I liked the part about the Fox Effect and how because it makes them so much money their tactics were spreading into other news networks, which, well that part really pisses me off.

I had dinner with my friend Julia. She is about to turn 21 years old and hopefully her bday party will be fun. I always forget she is a year younger than my little brother. She turned out to be a pretty good friend. What I think is cool about Julia other than the who she is part, is that she comes at this world with completely different experiences than me. From where she grew up to her views on school, money and her work ethic. They are all remarkably mature and a lot more disciplined than mine. I probably didn't think about half the stuff she thinks about when I was her age. I had no clue how law school worked at that age, yet due to her boyfriend, she knows the drudge of barbri and the bar exam, how to pick schools, how the job application process works. I did not even have a real office job until after I graduated from college and she has had many. I don't know, sometimes you look at people and you just think, good job.

It is memorial day weekend and my plans for going to AC and winning lots of poker money has not panned out. This is probably for the best since I haven't been able to take down the 5 cent 10 cent games yet, which should probably come first. I think I'm going to start to get my life together. My room is a mess, my house is a mess, my fridge is empty and its like a tornado has hit my life. From papers to books to highlighters all over the place sprinkled with mail. I don't even know where to start, maybe unpacking.

So I have finished watching the last season of the OC. I stopped watching the show due to conflicts and just DVRed them thinking I might watch later. It took me a lot of TV watching, but now I am done with the season finale. My guess is that they will do one more season just like that 70s show and then end the series.

mind on poker

Headaches

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." -Emerson

Here is something I am worried about. I don't fear germs as much I am supposed to. I don't chronically wash my hands like I see other people do. I mean I wash them at appropriate times like in a restroom, but I never get to a restaurant and go wash my hands so I can get ready to eat since my hands have been busy all day. I know germs exist, I have seen them make me sick, yet I don't fear them enough to take many precautionary measures. This probably isn't a good habit.

I can't wait to see the new Al Gore movie about global warming. I think it is called The inconvienient truth. Seems like weather wise things are getting and are going to get a lot worse, so why not look into what may be causing the problems.

So I'm feeling nice and clean today. Last night we opened up the wall (well there was a hatch) and inspected the pipes. It was funny b/c we had no clue what we were doing, so instead after 10 mins of "well that looks normal" (knowing we had no clue what normal was), we just decided to buy more drano and half and hour later the clog went away. This is something I never thought I would be dealing with when I was 12...I thought I'd spend my adult life eating candy all day and driving from the amusement park to the theater doing as much fun stuff as I wanted. Instead, here I am trying to figure out how to unclog a drain. Well, I didn't actually do much if any work, I mainly watched tv while my roommate took care of stuff.

Today our intern started. He is a cool kid. It is nice having someone else here. Today they had him busy with a lot of projects, but we took some time to work on a will and he picked it up really fast. It will be nice to have someone else working here.

I feel like I'm glad that I am not doing barbri this summer. I just wouldn't have the energy to wake up each day for class and then study at night for 2 long months. Maybe it is because I know I have an entire year ahead of me and if I was done then I might not mind working hard since I'll be done forever.

I know a person can get sued for what they write on their blog. I wonder if I have ever written anything where I would be liable for defamation or some other type of action. Sometimes I just say things and later I forget. Plus, I can tell someone something when I'm angry and it fades as time passes, but if I write it down, it stays the same no matter how much time has passed.

washington, dc