Cooler People

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." - Mother Teresa

As I try to move people to myspace because everyone is there, I had a friend who said the funniest thing. "Thanks for the myspace invite. It's hard keeping up with facebook, much less myspace, but I've heard it's where all the cooler people, who don't have college email accounts/degrees, are." It made me laugh. Like I have said before, other sites are much better and 14 year old girls don't get abducted there, but somehow so many more people are on this place that it is just easier to keep up with one site. Classmates.com....ha ha ha...that site sucked.

On Sunday morning I went to pick up my sister, mom and niece. We drove back to my place where I took them out for dinner. It was the last day of their trip and I'm sure they are ready to get home. I got the movie Cars for my niece which I think she enjoyed. It was father's day, but my father was unreachable. I think his phone was disconnected. The plan was to celebrate it next weekend because everyone will be home then. At night I slept on the floor, which made me really appreciate my bed. Either way, I'm always too sleepy in the morning to run. I want to, but all I want to do in the morning is sleep.

Mark almost qualified for the World Series of Poker. He was just a few spots away from winning the 12,000 dollar grand prize. Me, I'm still playing low stakes.

I got to see Atari this weekend. She wasn't looking very good. It just made me feel sad that she had to have this sickness.

A friend had asked me about our high school reunion. We graduated in 1998 and I always for some reason thought it would be in 2008. It is actually in 2007, which would be 10 years from our senior year homecoming. Homecomings are when reunions are right? Other people do this differently, but at least now I know how our school does it. I'd be happy to help out, but I wonder who is going to put it together.

6:38

Night of Cards

"A town with money is a lot like a mule with a spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it, and damned if he knows how to use it." - Simpsons

We set up a poker night last night and we had 5 people playing. It was a 20 dollar buy in with 25-50 cent blinds. I had 21 dollars to my name, so I sat down to play. I don't think I have ever been happier to lose at a night of poker. I forget exactly how it happened, but I think I had a pocket pair, an overcard hit the board and I went on in to take my pre-flop raises. I had been tight until that mistake and Mark holding the overcard and a 2nd pair (he had two pair all night) called. I didn't suck out that final 10 and lost my buy in. Then I remembered I had a secret stash of 20 bucks in my truck that I put in there and forgot about because its for emergencies, like for gas or such. Well this was as close as it was going to get. I got my 20 bucks and bought back in. Another guy lost 20 later and bought in for another 20 after hitting up the ATM. Andrew later bought in again too. So now we have 166 dollars on the table. (the six is a long story). Mark dominated all night and he was drunk. It was uncanny. He played great, but he also played anything and hit two pair a lot. My defining play of the night, the play that saved me was actually a terrible play on my part. I had started playing trash, despite all the book knowledge I have that it makes sense to play tight in a loose game. I had 9-3 of diamonds. Flop comes out d d K. I have a dimond draw. I incorrecly decide to put the pressure on Andrew and bet 6 dollars, all the money he has remaining and hopefully take down the pot. There are two players in front of him. The first player folds his K with low kicker. Then the unexpected happened, Mark goes all-in. He was supposed to fold. This gives Andrew great pot odds to call, so he calls and now I'm sitting there trying to decided if I should commit the rest of my chips. I know Mark isn't on a draw because going all in would just be stupid, but wouldn't it be more stupid to call an all in with a 32% chance of catching. I think about it for a while and I figure, I'm the underdog, but if I hit, the payoff will be amazing and I already have a lot of my stack in there. (Later we figured out the pot odds and it was close, probably still not worth it). I call and Mark flips over one of his favorite two pair. But then Andrew flips over his A-10 of diamonds. Usually I'd be crushed here, but I was happy that the side pot was big enough to where if he did hit it, I would still make money. If we both missed, Mark would get all our money and the game would end. We hit a 4 of diamonds on the river and Andrew wins the main pot and I win the side pot, making about a 5 dollar profit. I got really lucky. I got more agressive after that and when we called it a night, two players were cleaned out. Andrew had 26 dollars, I had 36 dollars and Mark had the rest, about 100 dollars. He won 80 bucks for his 20 dollar buy in. I ended the night at -4, but that is a win when you had to buy back in and almost got wiped out. Andrew lost 14, all of it going to Mark of course. I put 20 back in the secret stash and put 16 in my wallet for lunch tomorrow. It was a fun night of poker.

Another cool thing was our institution of man laws stolen from the commercial. If someone made a lie, you could call him on it and if it was lying you win a dollar, if true you pay him a dollar. So when a person says, I just folded 72 offsuit, and you call man law, if he has the 72 then you pay up, if not he pays up. It probably happened about 3 times that night, and once I won a dollar, but I later lost it to Andrew in a side bet on whether Mark was holding pocket kings or aces. A great beat to take if you are Andrew.

4 dollars an hour

Decisions

"Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it." - Gordon R. Dickson

I have a theory or view about decisions. There are many types of decisions we have to make in life, some easier than others and some with larger ramifications than others. It seems to me that those decisions that tend to have the biggest impact on our lives are the ones that are harder to make. That just isn't true. Usually those are straight forward and many times we really don't have a viable 2nd option, so we just go with the best option we have. Its a no brainer. For example, my decision to move to DC after college. That was a big decision, I had no job or apartment and didn't know if I would be able to make it there. But I had no choices, no alternatives, so giving it my best shot in DC was easy to make. Moving to Miami was pretty much the same thing as far as it not being that hard. Now, those decisions made a very big impact on my life, yet were not that hard to accept. I don't ever regret them. Now my decision to move back to DC for law school. That one also would make a big impact, but in comparison it was the hardest. Here I had options, I had to decide which path I wanted to take in life, Miami, Texas or DC (and where in DC as well). I made what I felt and still feel was the best decision. But it is much easier to second guess yourself when you had equally enticing opportunties.

I say all this because a friend of mine is about to make a big decision. He is going to move across the country with no job, apartment or even car. He has done this once. The first time it wasn't a hard decision, he needed to go to school and he had nothing where he was so he went. This time around, he is leaving a job opporunity and his home to venture out do what he just feels in his gut he should. This decision is harder because he has to give something up in order to get what he hopes to get. Is a bird in the hand really better than 2 in the bush. I feel like I have been gambling on that bush and there better a shitload of birds in there because I've let a lot of hand birds go. So my moral is that decisions are harder when you have to give up something equally as opportunist rather than just the gravity of the decision and the impact it can have upon your life.

Moral inconvienience. I went to BK for lunch since they still have that jalepeno thing going on. I ordered my sandwhich and a jalepeno on the side. This always baffles them and they never know how to charge it. When I sat down and saw my receipt, I noticed that they subtracted 88 cents from my meal instead of charging it. I thought up going up to pay my 88 cents. Your moral character is based on how you act when no one is watching right. Then I thought about it, they really don't care about my 88 cents, it would be more trouble just to correct it than to have the money. My going up there and making an issue of it would more be for my own moral satisfaction and feeling like a good person than actually being one. I mean, 88 cents is a terrible markup first of all (25 cents at home) and I don't go around figuring out how much ketchup is worth and limiting my taking of them based on trying to be moral. Sometimes trying to be moral (which really isn't moral the more you think about it) causes so much trouble it defeats the whole purpose. I pocketed my 88 cents that I'll use on a coke. Wait, I got a refill on the way out, 75 more cents saved.

There was a worker who took her lunch break while I was there. You would think if you worked at a food place, you would just eat what they sell. She had her own lunch, made at home and it actually looked healthy. It made me feel like shit, but also showed how much will power it takes to eat right in all that junk, when other people, namely me, drive towards that junk to pick it up.

I spent a lot of time trying to figure myself out, my motivations and different issues I might have that I just can't recognize. I've decided I just don't like the feeling of being trapped. I don't like to have to be somewhere. Maybe it has to do with school and how I resented having to be there daily as a kid or how I had no control to leave if I wanted. It might explain my lack of going to class in some sense. I dont' go out enough because I spend too much time thinking about how I just can't go home. This is even when I'm having a good time. I don't like to sleep at girl's places overnight and hate being a visitor in someone's house. What is it about being around my stuff that gives me so much comfort? I mean, at work I have my computer, access to tv, my own office, restrooms, and everything short of a bed. But I don't have the freedom to do nothing I guess. I hate having a full schedule, having all my hours accounted for. Just makes me feel like I have no control. I like to be able to do what I want and have no restrictions on it. Just makes no sense that I wouldn't want to do "what I want" and go to lets say a bar or a dinner with a friend for instance, because well it would keep me from doing "what I want." I know its confusing, I'm confused too, but I'm trying to understand why I hate having obligations. I watch the daily show daily, but I don't see it as an obligation. I eat crap daily, don't have problems with that. So why is going to bed early and eating right feel like its something that is controling and trapping me whereas living shitty feels like complete freedom. I'm a slave to the way my mind works, maybe because its the way my mind works, and that makes sense.

Yesterday I saw a cop on a motorcycle. I started to worry that I might do something wrong and get pulled over. Then I thought it was irrational to think that. Then a guy passed on my right as I was trying to merge left and bam the cop pulled him over. Then he pulled over another guy right after. This morning I was driving to work, and there was a cop. I check to see if I was speeding, but I didn't know the speed limit. He took off and I was like shit. Luckily, he pulled over another guy. I had a dream last night I was being chased by cops because some guys gave me a free bag of drugs for doing them a favor and I was wearing some sort of tracker. Oh and there was a drug sniffing dog too. I think I'm going to be careful around the law.

i knew i shouldn't of done it, but i did it anyway

I gave the bad beat

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." - Mark Twain

Another great quote from my NYC teacher friend:

"only 7 of my 21 kids will be repeating the fourth grade next year..........that's a mere 33% that failed......and of those who will be in the fourth grade again, two will be in the fourth grade for their THIRD time and two for their SECOND. guess I really got through to them huh??"

I have to tell some poker stories. I made a comment to Mark about how I wanted to make sure I got my money in with the best hand and if I lost well I would still be proud of my play. I feel like that happens a lot, but that one time it doesn't happen is when I get knocked out. So I'm playing a 9 person 6 dollar sitandgo. I get down to final two and I'm I have 2-1 chip disadvantage. I become hyper agressive and the big stack just folds waiting for a good hand to bust me on. I figure the blinds are so high, I'll grow by stealing and when he does find his hand, I'll hopefully get away from mine. So I get QJ suited and decide to raise all in since he just completed the blind. Figure the worst I'm up against is A trash or K trash and maybe I'll get lucky. Well the guy calls and flips pocket aces. flop comes 8 9 10. I double up. I write "Bullshit" and the guy agrees. He had me beat and that was a terrible bad beat. Now I'm in the lead. I keep up my agressive ways and a few hands later, I have A2 diamonds. I make a large raise and he comes over the top. The problem is that it is just 1500 more to call and the pot is over 10,000. I figure I'm beat again, but I might get lucky with my ace and bust his KKs or lower. Well he flips over another pocket pair of aces. 220 to 1 and he hit them twice in 2 hands heads up. The board comes with 3 diamonds and I give him another bad beat winning the 27 dollar 1st prize. I apologized and of course he blew up. I didn't deserve 1st place and we both knew that, I openly admited it, but I took the money nevertheless. I did deserve to be in the two 2, so in all I was still proud of my play until heads up. So that is what I get for saying I'm usually all in with the best hand and if I lose its usually a bad beat. This was the extreme opposite.

Another tournment I played, which I shouldn't of, was a 180 person 20 dollar buy in sit and go. I played very tight and lasted over 3 hours. I always forget how long these take. So now we are on the bubble, next person out is 19th place and 18th pays $43. I forget how, but I'm the smallest stack at all 3 tables. I don't want to go out on the bubble, but the blinds will eat me up if I don't make a move. I finally get AK suited in the big blind and I get raised by one of the other relatively small stacks. I go all in risking elimination because I had no other option. He had pocket 66s. A nice race. I hit my K on the flop and cripple him. Two hands later, he is taken out and I slide into the money with a small but workable stack. First hand after, I play a 78 suited in the big blind and just check. flop comes out with two 8s. I hit trips and I look at my opponent imaging what my stack would look like twice as big. He raises into me and I go all in. He flips over J8 and I'm kicked. I go out in 18th place. I don't think I could of gotten away from that hand, not at that point of the tournament. 23 dollars for 3 hours of work...but at least I'm getting better making the top 18 of 180. Best I have done is top 76 out of 1000.

That is it for my poker adventures of the night. I found out a woman has been using my social since 1988. Not for credit or I'm sure I would of found it on my credit report (but I'm also not sure since she is a woman and has a completely different name), but my guess is that she is using it to work. I'll find out more details when I get my hands on the background check report to confirm this. If this is true and not a typo, I don't want to bring the wrath of social security upon her because she is most likely undocumented and I don't know how she ended up with my number back when I was 9. I'd rather just tell her to stop because of the tax implications and let her go from there. My family says to take all measures I can, contact social security, not take any chances and even change my number is necessary. Why mess around? Then again, I don't think its that hard to get your hands my social. That would be a pain, especially with all the bar application stuff I'm about to do. Maybe i'll wait until after if I went that route. Nothing bad has happened in all this time, so it could be worse. I'll wait until I know more and actually confirm this before I decide what to do.

Here is part of an email that I feel expresses my views on prayer. -- I feel torn because I am starting to pray more that she gets and feels better, but I don't want to feel like if she doesn't then it makes my prayers meaningless, so by telling you I'm just confirming that my prayers don't make much difference. I guess the bigger point is that she is in my thoughts a lot, not the don't worry I'll take care of her with my magical thoughts type of statement prayer sounds like. It just annoys me when people tell me they are praying for something and they act like that is the cure all. Maybe I need more faith, but I have faith that life is life and some times there will be blessings an others there won't.

I know that was out of context, but I think thats ok. I guess the bigger question is how can I have faith that everything will be ok when I know that no matter how much faith you have, or how strong your relationship with God is, bad things will still happen and its not like God chose those bad things for you. I also don't want to discount prayer, because well, I have seen blessings and can't say it doesn't mean anything. Just seems paradoxical to have faith things will get better and feeling better about it, them not getting better and then accepting that that is just how life is. Makes you wonder why you have that expectation in the first place.

need to get back on the wagon