Privacy

"I tend to live in the past because most of my life is there." - Herb
Caen

The New Year's Resolution approach I've taken to solving problems has just proven not to work. It is the best way I can describe how I think to take on my challenges in my life. The whole Monday I'll [insert new goal/habit here] has not done well for me either. I figure it is about time I try something new. So I'm going to try the baby steps method. You know, make very very small changes and add them slowly and over time and at some point I'll get there. I know I can make those big changes, but when I try I just end up just feeling like it is too much to keep up and then I end up quiting without even noticing. Go hard or go home, I just delay going at all...and if I go, I go hard, notice it was hard and then make an excuse to give up. This is not the person I want to be and it isn't the person I am. A journey of a thousand steps, well it is still a thousand steps and I know you can sugar coat it and call it different things, but all I see is a very long journey.



So I have already admitted that I am a big fan of Maria's blog. Now I even call her up to get ask her about it too. One discussion we had was about how people sometimes feel like they are invading your privacy when they read your blog. Like somehow they are reading something personal that they shouldn't be even though it is quite clear that it is posted on the internet for the entire world to see. This was her way of making me feel better that I didn't get more comments, saying that people just feel weird admitting they might be reading, like as if it is something wrong, where in fact it is more of a compliment than anything. It is funny because I feel like I want to know who cares and take it as a compliment that people would want to know what I'm thinking or up to....yet when it comes to other people's blogs I feel that same type of way so I understand.

Monday was another Labor Day and it was a well deserved break from all my working. I got in a few extra zzz's and then drove in the pouring rain to have dinner with a friend of mine. She told me that she was going to take me to the best pizza place in Austin. The thing was you had to wait 30 mins for them to cook the pizza. The pizza was good and that is with me not being a big fan of spinich.

Later in the night I drove over to check out Karina's new place. She just moved to Austin from San Antonio. Oscar, Ericka and I had a few drinks and played poker. I thought I was doing well, but I got cocky, thought I had a straight and lost all my money because I'm an idiot who misread the board. It was a lot of fun though and Oscar ended up winning, but Ericka is very good and learns really quick. I tell her I can read her, but really I can't.

On my drive home I talked to Maria on the phone and pretty much well it was a web entry in phone call form. It really means a lot to me when a person can identify with something I brought up or understands what I am going through. Her outlook on life while dealing with cancer really helps me reframe my thinking and also helps me see that she is still dealing with being a person too and she is more than just a person who is fighting cancer. I guess categories are so easy, oh that guy is a lawyer, doctor, veteran, guy that peed his pants in 2nd grade....it just defines you. Like how I see my mom, she is my mom, and I overlook she is a person experiencing life just as I am.

Tuesday I think I noticed my room was smelling a bit like funk. I don't know how to explain, but how do you clear a smell from a room? I guess I could vaccum and wash my sheets, maybe use an air freshener, but I don't know where this, well let's call it 'scent', exists. I took a shower and opened the window to get some fresh air. It's not a bad scent for those of your wondering, but not at all close to febreze fresh that I would rather have. After doing laundry though, it started to smell a lot better.

backing right up