Patience

“Being aware of your crap and actually overcoming your crap are two very different things.” - Cristina Yang, Grey's Anatomy

Monday I went back to work after a long weekend enjoying myself. So ironic how vacations make you more tired. My mom came into town for a school conference. I drove to North Austin to pick her up after work and took her to Buda to see where I lived. She was impressed with Oscar's house, a person who was born on the same day as me already owns his own home. I need to get on that. After we went to dinner and then I drove back. I'm glad she was able to come.

I went by Ericka's house to visit since I hadn't seen her too much being gone all weekend. We watched HIMYM and then talked. It wasn't a talk I was ready to have, or even really wanted to have. I really don't know what to say about this, so I'll figure I'll just keep it to myself but I really got to get past this being a broken person thing. I left home feeling terrible and knowing that I may not have made the best decision, I made the fairest one. I need to get out of this pattern. This was my fault.

At home I had some post-bar result jitters and decided that maybe there was another Martin Alaniz who took the bar in Texas. So I searched through all my documents to confirm the bar exam id code. It checked out.

Tuesday I still hadn't fixed my alarm clock but it was my last day pretending to leave for work at 8am instead of 7am. This will be the last day of that. My friend Justin was in town again and I had lunch with him. He seems to really be enjoying being a lawyer. It was a regular work day.

I was talking to an old friend on the phone and they referred to my friendship with them as toxic. That was quite a powerful negative description, I didn't expect. Usually I get the description of being wonderful, a blessing, loyal, dependable, inspirational and those type of ways of describing who I am as a person. She was talking specifically about our interaction and I do understand why she would feel that way. It is interesting how in some people's lives I can do so much good and in others, I not as positive. It is never with bad intentions, usually just making a decision that is right for me and not happy for them. Maybe I just worry too much about what other people think about me and always want things to be better.

This is hard