"For death begins with life's first breath and life begins at touch of death” - John Osenham
Today marks 7 years since one of my sisters passed away. Now, I seem to write about my thoughts on this twice a year, once on this date (six years -- five years) and the other on her birthday. I feel like not saying something is akin to forgetting or just moving on, but that will never be the case. It never really gets easier, but the pain does go from intense physical pain the first years to longing emotional pain as time passes. I try not to equate my pain with the love I had for her because that is not how I want to mourn. I don't have a lot to say this year, at least not here, but I never stop thinking about her. Maybe the hardest part is seeing how it affects my family, and especially her daughters. They have grown up without a mother, but not a lack of love.
I accept that you can't control life and that bad things happen for no apparent reason. I also know death is part of life and something that I've only begun to experience since so many of my loved ones are still with me. It is just about the fact that she is missing from my life that makes the most impact on me daily. I don't take solace that she is in a better place, mainly because she deserved to be here, with her family experiencing what life had to offer. Losing her changed me as a person in many ways, but it also left a part of me that will always be missing. She will be on my mind today, like she is everyday.
in a moment
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