Little Did I Know

"If words are to enter men's minds and bear fruit, they must be the right words shaped cunningly to pass men's defenses and explode silently and effectually within their minds. " - J.B. Phillips

Thursday night, I tried my hand at stand up for a second time. I wrote a whole new set than the first time I tried it (with the help of Abram). Christina gave me editorial pointers and came out to support me that night even though I went on pretty late. It was a great time. I wasn't too nervous, but nervous enough to skip my first joke where I talk about being the guy at the party who doesn't remember people's names so I have to call them "man, buddy and champ." I'm still learning how to write this stuff and how to perform it, but I think it is a lot of fun. So here is the video that Abram took last night so you can see the set yourself.

Funny how I'm more nervous about posting the video than about standing in front of a crowd. I tried to get some advice from some comics there and I was told to cut the fat and get to the jokes. I'd like to learn to write a story which is long list of jokes. The story telling part is what I think seems the most fun about it. There were a lot of comics that night that I thought were amazing and others that were pretty bad. The ones that confused me were the ones that were supposed to be good, but that I didn't find very funny at all. I've seen some of them multiple times and yet I still don't see why they are highly regarded. Maybe it is a matter of taste.

So you want to see my practice video I made at home before the show? The video alone might be comical since I use a lint brush as a mic. At least in my practice run, I didn't miss a joke. I'm also more happy with my last joke. I need to decide if I want to keep trying stand up or if I got it out of my system. As of right now, it still feels like a neat hobby. If I do it again, it is going to be with new material because the writing process is almost as fun as the part where you share it.

In DVD watching news, I finally saw the movie The Boondock Saints. It was a huge cult hit and even though Abram owned it, I had yet to sit down and see what the big deal was. It is a 1999 crime thriller film about two brothers who become vigilantes. The Boondock Saints gained a following mostly thanks to word of mouth publicity and was a bestseller when it was released on DVD. I found the movie to be entertaining action wise, but somewhat corny and unfunny. The reason I saw it recently was because I wanted to watch The Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day. Now this one, filmed 10 years later, made the original seem awesome. It had its moments, but the jokes and acting just seemed intentionally bad. If that was supposed to be the case then the joke went over my head. I'm glad I'm caught up pop culture wise on this though. Now there is a documentary that I'm looking forward to watching called Overnight, about the making of Boondock Saints, which I hear is even better than the movie. Can't wait to see it and finish out this trinity.

Here is an unexciting and completely random confession, when I write emails, I never put an email address into the To: field until I am done and read to send. I have this fear that one day I'm going to click send before I meant to and am going to send an embarrassing unfinished message. Especially when you cut and paste from another email you wrote or you have stuff written you plan to delete. Maybe I just generally have a fear of people seeing behind the curtain.

It was a heavy news day for me, but the last thing I found that I don't believe is that theAverage Handbag Weighs 23 Pounds. Based the results of a OnePoll survey, the average handbag weighs 23 pounds, the same amount as a small child. What do you women carry in there? Would you say this is true?

This video is very wrong, but still very funny. Should We Be Shaming Obese Children? (VIDEO) - The Onion does some great work.

Jokes aside, this is a real problem. Obese children as young as three years old show signs of future heart disease, say US researchers. http://bit.ly/9sY6a9 Twenty percent of black and Hispanic children ages 2 to 19 are obese, versus 15 percent of whites. Is it a quality of food issue or a lifestyle issue? I don't know, but I think there is a difference between being too chubby and being obese. Adults have this problem too, I'm not immune, but we can take responsibility for our own actions, but kids I think need supervision when it comes to food. I know I'll probably be the worst parent in this regard though, I mean my pets are overweight and they can't even talk and make me feel bad for not getting them a happy meal.

I'm a huge fan of studies as you can tell and I just read this article on Gawker: Science Proves: Marriage Is Dead. "New data shows that more babies were born in the US in 2007 than ever before. Good news for matrimony? Ha! "Births to unmarried women in 2007 increased to the highest levels ever measured." And the cohabitation data shows that "By the beginning of the last decade, a majority of births to unmarried women were to mothers who were living with the child's father. Just two decades earlier, only a third of those births were to cohabiting couples. In short, everyone is getting more comfortable just moving in together and having a baby and just chilling." I've seen this trend among some of my friends as well, but personally I could care less about whether parents are married or just together. Personally, I think I would rather be married than have a kid with my girlfriend. Though as I have gotten older, I can understand not getting married with a person just because you have a kid. That all said, I've clearly chosen not to go down the married route, nor the kids route.

A new study also shows that "The likelihood that a marriage would last for a decade or more decreased by six percentage points if the couple had cohabited first"—yet despite this, more couples than ever are cohabiting. I have lots of opinions on this, but I wonder if making decisions based on trends and statistical probabilities is the best way to pursue life choices? Shouldn't the individual decision be looked at and not the outcome? Then again, we all think we are special. Our long distance relationship will work out. Everything in theory is easy, but I know how it feels when you spend all your time with a person and it just makes sense to live together even though neither you wants to get married. Maybe it isn't the greatest decision long term, but it definitely has its short term benefits. My theoretical plan is to only let a girl move in once we are engaged. (I feel like I'm 22 thinking these things.) That way, there is at least some pseudo commitment before I give up my last bit of freedom.

I'm thinking of checking out that new show on HBO called How to Make it in America. It has the main guy from October Road in it. It is NYC based and at first it didn't interest me much, but I trust HBO and it is only 30 minutes.

Back in 2007-2008, I was a fan of the show October Road. I thought it had great writing and each week I watched with much interest to find out if they would say his book was about exactly. Like many shows I tend to like, it ended up getting canceled well before its time. The show didn't even get a proper ending. Recently, I found out that the DVD for Season 2 had a 15 minute series finale that they put together last minute. I need to see that. Then I found out that both Beautiful Girls and October Road were written by the same guy, Scott Rosenberg, and that it was semi-autobiographically based on his life and friends. October Road is loosely based on events following the release of Beautiful Girls. That is one of my favorite movies and maybe it explains why I was such a big fan of October Road. If you have not seen Beautiful Girls, rent it today. It is where I first met a young Natalie Portman. I'm excited about getting my hands on that 15 minute finale for October Road.

Speaking of Beautiful Girls, I have one more study that I thought made perfect sense. Beautiful Women Make Men More Accident Prone: Study. Men become accident prone at the sight of a beautiful woman, scientists say. Research shows that just looking at an attractive female makes them more likely to indulge in 'physical risk-taking' which results in embarrassing failure or even injury. Haven't we all learned this growing up? Stop showing off for her, my mom would tell me as a kid. I think I will agree with this because if a girl says something crazy like, let's go sky diving, I'm more willing to entertain the idea than if a buddy of mine says it. On the bright side, beautiful women inspire men to be gallant and when not done for stupid purposes, like thinking you are defending her honor at a bar when drunk, I think it makes for a better society.

tortured romantic lead archetype

Procedural Win

"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself, with desire for what its monstrous laws have made monstrous and unlawful." - Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Grey, Chapter 2, pg. 21.

I had quite the weekend. Friday night I played poker with some friends and even though it had been a long time since I played, I didn't do too bad. I had a very good time. I need to talk less about poker and more about life when I play. I have this thirst for learning the game and how others play, but the constant talk about strategy gets annoying I admit. That all said, I met some pretty cool guys. I don't have a lot of friends my age who are married and it is like we are living in parallel worlds, one with responsibility and one without that maturity. I did not win, but was happy to be invited. Nothing like a good poker night to start off a weekend.

On Saturday, a friend of mine came into town and we pretty much just bar hopped in Austin for most of the day and night. I can not drink the way I used to. It is always interesting getting to know people so much different than yourself. I didn't get to try the wings I was told about, but things don't always turn out the way you expect. We almost ended up at a cage fight, but we couldn't get the contact info from the poster at the bar. I learned a few good lessons, but its always better to learn from mistakes than to just watch as events pass you by. The trip made me appreciate Austin.

Sunday was the end of the Winter Olympics and even though I didn't watch too much, I was excited to see the US/Canada gold medal hockey game. It was an exciting game and I had hope the US would pull it off in sudden death. It was amazing how they tied up the game with just seconds to go. Canada played hard and was ultimately victorious in overtime. It was a well earned win, but in the US's defense, they won the first match up. I guess 1-1 doesn't mean much when the one you lost was the gold medal game. It is not fair, they get healthcare, couldn't we at least get a gold medal for our hockey team.

I read an article on Rachel Maddow that summed up my feelings for her exactly. "I think I'm in love with Rachel Maddow." This brilliantly written piece by Brian Donnovan took the words from my heart and put them down on paper. Here are some of my favorite parts, " You can ask people to be smarter without making them look stupid, and this is Rachel’s gift. I loved the way she reported the news, no more no less.... Now I know what you’re saying: how can you fall in love with a woman who is not only uninterested in your entire gender, but also doesn’t know you exist? That’s a good point. I had trouble with that one myself." I don't like the part where he said, "she won’t refuse to date you just because you’re not a woman." I take it out of context a bit, but it kind of doesn't fully respect the fact she is gay and no matter how much one loves her, she isn't attracted to men. I know it was tongue in cheek and it doesn't take away from the fact that the entire article is gold. She is the kind of woman anyone would be lucky to be with even just for a dinner conversation. An awesome person to have as a best friend. As my friends know, I too am in love with Rachel.

I also know that I'm a big fan because she is liberal, but I really think it has to do more with how smart she is. There are conservatives who I respect who are very intelligent, yet who I disagree on many issues such as Joe Scarborough, Reihan Salam, George Will, Ron Paul, and a lot of not so well known people I have met through work and life. There are also many others that I just don't know about and am always happy to learn about.

I read an article on 3D sidewalk art. I had never heard of it, but it is awesome. 3D Sidewalk Art That Will Blow Your Mind (PHOTOS) It is amazing how real some of the art work looks. There are even videos on YouTube showing how they draw it. Here is a cool example that I thought was clever:

I had a great conversation with a friend last week about purchasing a home and money. I very much value her expertise in both areas and she shared some important advice and insight. I am very appreciative of having good friends who are willing take the time to help me out. This is another area of my life I need to devote more time to.

I recently read this article preferences in human evolutionary history and found it extremely interesting. Intelligent People Have "Unnatural" Preferences And Values That Are Novel In Human Evolutionary History
"Higher intelligence is associated with liberal political ideology, atheism, and men's (but not women's) preference for sexual exclusivity. More intelligent people are statistically significantly more likely to exhibit social values and religious and political preferences that are novel to the human species in evolutionary history..."
I don't have a lot to say about it and don't know if I agree with it, but it gives you something to think about. I do wonder if there is a correlation between intelligence and fidelity in men. I would think it wouldn't matter at all.

Here is a battle that has been going on in my head. In poker you learn to make the best educated decision based on the information you have. Then when you make that move, there is still a probability you will lose. If it is a high probability move and you lose, you need to not learn a bad lesson from that and instead keep doing it over and over because in the long run you will come out a winner. The problem is when you make a move where you lose and it is a low probability play, but you think it is a high probability play. If you don't know that, then you are missing out on a good lesson and are doing a bad thing over and over with the stubborn belief that it will work out in the long run. Sadly you are wrong and it will just make you a losing player.

That is how I feel about a lot of things in life right now. The hands feel like they are coming up against me over and over and as I hold on to my confidence that my move was correct, I just keep doing the same thing over and over with the same negative outcome. So I need to make a decision, either I'm right and I need to have more confidence and faith and just keep on moving forward in doing the same thing, or I need to rethink my entire approach since that might be the flaw. It is so much easier to just do A and if you get a positive result to do A again and vice versa. I really don't know, but I do feel a bit lost and I just want to buck up and feel good about my choices and either win big or lose big. Or on the contrary, maybe it is time to reevaluate. Maybe that is a problem, always being willing to reevaluate instead of just having a plan and pushing forward no matter what. I love the fact that life is ours to do what we want with it and do not try to blame circumstance or luck, but my own decisions. Maybe some things are out of my control and I need to accept that. I know I think too much about things, I mean this paragraph should have ended long ago, but my mind keeps going. No decision is a decision and for right now all I can do it keep doing what I know.

buyer's remorse

Snow in Austin

"The refusal to choose is a form of choice; disbelief is a form of belief." - Frank Barron

Tuesday, it snowed in Austin. This did not come with the joy of the Christmas snow in the RGV in 2003, but from what I hear, it is very rare for it to snow in Austin. I was at work and the flakes were huge. I thought it was very cool and it made me very happy to see the snow since it has been a very long time. I went into town to make a filing downtown and called it a day at 1pm on account of the light snowfall. Some places got more snow than others, but today it is all gone and just a memory as the sun shines.

Last Thursday night I met up with an old high school/college friend after work for a drink. He was four years ahead of me in high school and four years ahead at Cornell, but I had met him a few times over the years and we have a lot of friends in common. I had a good time catching up. We met up at a young lawyers happy hour, then went to watch a show his paralegal's band was putting on. After, we went to see another old high school friend who runs a bar and had some food and drinks. I enjoyed the fact that I was able to chat with a person who could identify with similar experiences at Cornell and who also had great advice on being a lawyer. He is a pretty cool guy and made me think about getting more involved in local organizations.

So at that point I should have called it a night, but I decided that I was out anyway, so I parted ways and went to go and check out a comedy open mic on 6th street. I've been trying to make it there every week to learn more about stand up. People were great as always. I stayed until 11:30pm and then finally called it a night. If only I didn't have work the next morning.

A good friend of mine is taking the bar this week. I wish her the best of luck. I get very nervous for other people when it comes to the bar exam. I know she will do great and can't wait to see how happy she is when she gets her results.

I finally broke down and got HBO. Since I'll be moving in a few months (looking for a new apartment), I figured I'd spend the money to see if I need to include it next time I sign up. Big Love is going to be done in two weeks, so that sucks, but I enjoy Real Time with Bill Maher. HBO really is just that good.

In reference to my introductory quote. I agree that not making a choice is a choice, but disbelief can't always be a belief. I don't believe that cows can fly with invisible wings, but would it be correct to say that is one of my beliefs? Then I must have a whole list of beliefs of every imaginary scenario that I think could not happen that you can think of. I know I'm making it complicated for no reason. What this is really talking about is that not believing in God a form of belief, but I don't know if I agree with that, but I've been told that many times. I guess it is something I need to think about.

sabotage

Year Seven

"For death begins with life's first breath and life begins at touch of death” - John Osenham

Today marks 7 years since one of my sisters passed away. Now, I seem to write about my thoughts on this twice a year, once on this date (six years -- five years) and the other on her birthday. I feel like not saying something is akin to forgetting or just moving on, but that will never be the case. It never really gets easier, but the pain does go from intense physical pain the first years to longing emotional pain as time passes. I try not to equate my pain with the love I had for her because that is not how I want to mourn. I don't have a lot to say this year, at least not here, but I never stop thinking about her. Maybe the hardest part is seeing how it affects my family, and especially her daughters. They have grown up without a mother, but not a lack of love.

I accept that you can't control life and that bad things happen for no apparent reason. I also know death is part of life and something that I've only begun to experience since so many of my loved ones are still with me. It is just about the fact that she is missing from my life that makes the most impact on me daily. I don't take solace that she is in a better place, mainly because she deserved to be here, with her family experiencing what life had to offer. Losing her changed me as a person in many ways, but it also left a part of me that will always be missing. She will be on my mind today, like she is everyday.

in a moment