Chili's

"Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat." - Mark Twain

Today is Abram's birthday. He turns 23. He is spending it in Ft. Worth. I gave him a call in the morning to wish him a happy birthday. It usually falls on memorial day weekend, but this time it didn't. I hope he had a good day.

I didn't get to talk to Abram long about it, but he told me they were offering him a manager position at Chili's. I have to hand it to the kid, he has really worked his way up there in the over 5 years he has been there. He started off as a bus boy, then after hard work moved up to "togos", then finally got to become a waiter, then he moved on to bartender and now hopefully manager. That is work ethic for you. I don't think I could do that. I think about the jobs people in my family have had, and it seems we pick a job and stay there forever. I remember once my younger sister saying she couldn't leave her job out of loyalty, and that is cause she knew her boss had no loyalty to her. But that topic of how she should give up her hard earned money and position to go to school is for another day.

On Tuesday I went over to my cousin Rino's house to hang out. We watched a movie, caught up and had dinner. He has a nice one bedroom apartment. He also has two dogs. I have always wanted a dog, but I don't think I could ever get used to how dogs smell. Cat smell I'm completely used to and don't really mind, but then again they are very clean animals. Hopefully we will get to hang out more. He is currently working four jobs. I don't think I could ever be that productive. I want one job I am happy with and I feel I have waited long enough for it.


I have been trying to make a doctor's appointment. It is impossible to get someone to see me before July. It is important I see a doctor soon so that I can get some medicine I need. I finally got an appointment and they said they stop taking my insurance so it will be $400 out of pocket for me. My insurance should repay me 80% later, but I will take what I can get.


I'll never understand the bar exam and barbri I was told. Never understand how hard this is. When people would tell me that condescension it would really irk me. Of course I can't understand it exactly not having gone through it. And now that I am here, yeah it sucks, yeah it is hard, but I really didn't expect anything else. All I know is that it is going to get much worse. The hardest part for me is two fold, one putting in the hours needed and two trying to combat the part of me that is completely freaked out and just wants to curl up and do nothing. So much material, so many new topics. I'm also trying to use this time to really get my life in order. If I'm going to study like a madman why not try to eat better, run more, and do better at things I need to be doing better at. I have to be careful I don't let it hurt my study plan. I really really want to just have to go through this once. I wish I had a study partner or some to really talk to about this.

I was watching CNN today. TB is in the news again. I guess it is one of those things you really don't want to catch. The guy knew he had it before flying to Europe, but it was his wedding. You can't fault a person for taking a calculated risk when trying to attend one of the most important events of his life. I guess he didn't know he had the bad TB and in that case it only makes sense that he probably does regret going.

Rick came into town for a CLE conference. We met up at the Hula Hut for dinner. I arrived at the same time as Hector and started to talk to him on the walk over. Rick, some co-workers, Hector and Claudia were there. We had to wait for hours to get a table and mainly spent it shooting the shit. I also took the time to get to know Hector. He and Claudia are both in my barbri class and went to law school at UT. They are both really cool people and were really nice to me. After dinner, Rick, his friend Rollie and I went to a bar where we met up with this girl we knew from high school. She was on a debate team we went up against back in high school. Needless to say it had been years since I had seen her. I think she went to girls state with a girl I had dated back in high school. She was a cool enough girl. We had some beers and talked but it got late fast. I finally felt like I was more at home at Austin on this night than I had on any other night. I ended up getting home really late and had class in the morning.

So as I have mentioned many times, I think Pooch Cafe is a great comic strip. I haven't enjoyed a strip like this since Far Side. I hear Calvin and Hobbes is good. I went online to see if there was a new Pooch book out, but there wasn't. I noticed the last one came out over 2 years ago, so at the rate they had come out, there should of been a 3rd out in April. I devoured the first two. So I decided to email the author/artist and ask him when his next book was coming out. I tried to keep my email extremely short because I don't like to bother people who are probably bothered a lot. I let him know I was a fan and was looking forward to the next comic strip book. Well the guy is so awesome he emailed me back the very next day. Here is an excerpt of his email. "As for books, I believe we’re going to be putting together a few more books from a publish to order company sometime soon. I’m planning on starting a Pooch Café blog, also sometime soon..." How great is that? I'm a huge fan of blogs too.

mistakes

Memorial

"The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." - Allan K. Chalmers

Thursday I had a double helping of Barbri. Class from 9-4 was hard. I don't feel I was doing as well listening for that second 3 hours. Once class was done I rushed home to pack. The traffic was terrible since everyone was leaving for memorial day weekend.


I turned in my rental car and was at the airport with time to spare. I was not happy I had to fly to Houston to get to Harlingen. My flight ended up getting delayed in both Austin and Houston and I arrived at around midnight. Ana and Rick picked me up and I went to go and visit my grandmother. I always make it a point to see her whenever I am down.


I met my father on Saturday for a late lunch and picked up my truck from him. I then visited with Eliza and later Ana. At night I went to Cynthia's college graduation party. I had a good time and it was nice getting to see her before she leaves for Arkansas.


At one point I went over to a girl's house I had dated to talk about some things that needed to be said. It was like talking to a different person. Some people will never fail to let you down, but it is important that we got to say goodbye. I really need to work on my expectations. Distractions are not good for me right now, and what I thought would be simple turned out to be more complicated. There is a reason the past should be left in the past.

Today would be my sister Veronica's birthday. I don't keep track on how old she would be, but she will always be 29 to me. I'm getting close to that age and I still feel like I don't get it yet. When I think about Vero, it makes me think I need to value the time I spend with my family more. I wonder what she would be doing now, where our collective lives would be. I was hoping to see my nieces while I was home since it was their weekend to visit. Unfortunately their father can be an ass and chose not to let them come and visit because he was having a pissy fit. You want to get pissed and make an issue of it, but escalating things only makes things worse. So instead of going to the police to enforce the court order, we chose to let him cool off and forgive him and hope it doesn't happen again. I do feel it was the right thing even though I wasn't able to see Bekkah and Jamie this trip. Sometimes people don't have control over what is going on in their lives and they try to exert control where they feel they have control and I think that is what he is doing. The girls deserve so much better, but you can't pick who your father is. I don't doubt he loves them, but I do know he would put his own interests above theirs.

My mom noticed that I had this yellow clinque cream I used for dry skin due to the dry air during the winter. She gave me a huge bottle of it. It is funny how a small sample I was given ended up leading to having a huge bottle. Too bad I don't really use it too much now because there is no heater that sucks that water out of the air.

I am working on fighting the feeling of not feeling at home. It is hard to explain, but I don't feel like there is a place where I feel at home. DC felt temporary, Austin feels more temporary, Edinburg doesn't feel right either. I need to pick a place and settle in. I hope to have a home base one day and then go live in other places for a few months, but that is years and years away. I don't mind being mobile, but I'd really like a place to call my own.

On Sunday I wanted to get back to Austin as soon as I could. I had lunch with my sisters and mother and then packed up my truck and drove back. It was raining and there were times my truck did fishtail a bit, but I arrived safely. It feels good to have my truck back. Seeing Koki and Mia made me feel better and I continued my habit of going to bed early and waking up early.

even fateful moments sometimes just mean nothing

The Schedule

"Art is the desire of a man to express himself, to record the reactions of his personality to the world he lives in." - Amy Lowell

I'm attending my barbri classes. I try to sit near the front to pay attention better. It has been a long time since I have gone to class without a laptop, and man it really helps not to have the distraction. One of my problems is that my handwriting is terrible and my hand hurts after writing for more than 30 seconds. So handwriting in the blanks is good pratice for my hands. I have to admit though, it is just the first week, but I am rocking listening right now. An interesting thing is that the parking lot is so big, I choose park in the spot closest to the street so that I can be towards the exit when the cluster fuck of 200 people trying to leave happens after class. It does mean a long walk to the building. This morning the security guard offered and gave me a ride on his golf cart. I was a bit embarassed since it made me look really lazy, but it was nice of him.



My cats are adjusting well. I think they enjoy the stairs and it is good exercise for them. They still don't trust I won't be moving them again, but they are right since in 2 months they are going on another trip.



I'm working on my schedule and trying to figure out how many hours a day I'm going to put in. Right now I'm looking at 8. I think that should hold me, I just hope I have it in me to work for 8 hours consistently. There are moments when I get scared and just shut down. I need to push past those moments.


What am I? I don't know what to say to people. I'm a law school graduate, but not yet a lawyer. Instead of worrying about sillyiness like that maybe I should focus my mind on becoming a lawyer.


My cousin Rino lives in Austin. I hope to hang out with him soon. I haven't seen him in a while. Hopefully being back in Texas will give me more of a chance to sell my extended family more often.



Friday I fly down to the Valley to pick up my truck. I am really looking forward to the trip. It will be nice to see my family and Cynthia is having a graduation party.



I'm a big fan of the season finale of Lost. I was totally thrown when it wasn't a flashback. I can't wait until next season. January 2008 is too far away. I'm glad all my shows are done this summer.


I got a letter saying my bar app is not complete and they need my St. Thomas application. They told me they faxed it in March, so I called to have them do it again. I hope to confirm it next week. I really want to be able to take this test. I have faith it will all be ok.



I hope people miss me. It feels good to be missed. I'm not a fan of missing people. Seems like you take things for granted when people are close to you. That is something I don't want to do.

maybe it is just me

Barbri

"Ahhh. A man with a sharp wit. Someone ought to take it away from him before he cuts himself." - Peter da Silva

On Monday morning I called my father and brother to check in on their progress. I then drove over to the crockett center to register and pick up my barbri books. I was not in the system, but I told them to try fliping my name and they found me. The 8 books were heavy. That wasn't too hard for a first day.

I then wanted some food. It was time for Whataburger. I couldn't find one, so I ended up driving about 8 miles out of the way and then found a place. It was a good meal, though I didn't like that I had to eat alone.

Then I dropped by Wal-mart. Oh how I have missed that supercenter that drives small businesses into the ground and doesn't give benefits. They pass a small part of that savings on to me I hear. I made a lot of comfort purchases. Toothpaste, detergent, water and such. I spent way too much money.

I came home, and started to set up and unpack. I put my clothes away and made myself at home. I still need a lot of things, but the room is coming together. I'm trying to set up a nice study area as well. I watched a missed sopranos episode on Oscar's housemate's Danny's TV. HDTV is so nice.

For dinner I had jack in the box. I need to figure something out for dinner cause I can't be eating out everyday. I was really worried about class and I think the stress really showed on how I treated people. I need to not worry and just work. I have this fortune cookie in my wallet that was given to me as a motivational tool years ago. I hope I follow its directions. Maybe it will give me the luck I need for this summer.

I feel like I am in an alternate universe. The world is so different and I don't know my place in it. I need to get deeper into that job search. I have no clue what the texture of the next year is going to be. That is scary for a person that likes to plan and likes to have control. That is actually a problem I'm working on, control. I want to control things in the sense I think there is a way thing should be and when they are not it bothers me. I think things should be fair, I think when you do good things, people should recipricate. But that isn't how life works, sometimes you do your best, but you can't control how things will turn out or other people's actions. No matter how justified I feel, I need to just understand that it is unfair and what you put in isn't always what you get out...speaking of, I don't think I notice when what I get is so much more than what I put in, I'm not complaining then.

Tuesday was my first day of Barbri. I woke up early and timed my trip through Austin's traffic. Since I start in Buda and go to north Austin, I get all of the traffic, all of it. Since class is at 9am, that makes things worse too. I get to class 20 mins early, pick out a good seat and am nervous for how the lecture is going to go. Then I get a call from my Dad. The trailer he was driving with my stuff broke down north of Waco. I leave the class before it starts and spend the next hour and a half on the phone with Uhaul trying to get him help. His phone was running out of battery, so that made things even worse and increased my stress like no other. Finally I get a guy to agree to come help him out and my dad calls and tells me he fixed the flat on his own and didn't need a new wheel and was going to keep on going. So I cancel with the guy and go and listen to the end of class. I would tell you how I feel about barbri, but right now my mind is still on the uhaul.

So my dad's phone is off so I can't call him and check his status. I have no clue where he is. I go to walmart and get him a charger and then home to wait for him. I felt like a parent waiting for their child to get home. As each hour passes the scenerio in my mind gets worse and worse. I'm worried about him and also cats. Oh by the way, Abram tells me that in the morning the cats were animals and crazy about not wanting to go. They hissed, stratch, hid and ran. Mia got into Abram's box frame and he had to shake her out. At one point they were trying to get Koki into the cage with a stick. I felt so terrible for my father and brother (both were scratched) and also for my cats who are not enjoying this tramatic move.

My dad never arrives it seems as the hours pass. He finally arrives with a story about fixing a flat tire then having to get a whole new tire he bought for 20 bucks. How he was able to do all this with two cats in tow I'll never know. We unpacked and I moved a bunch of my stuff into my new summer home. The rest of the night was just unpacking and talking. My dad plans to leave early in the morning.

Don't be afraid of opposition; remember a kite rises against the wind